Horse Body Language for Writers

Hello! Because I see a lot of bunk weird-ass body language used in fantasy novels, I thought I’d drop some knowledge on actual horse body language, as opposed to that you’ll see in corny movies. You cannot trust movies, okay? They add horse sound effects in every scene with horses when in reality horses are very quiet. Movies lie.


Here’s some basic facial expressions:

Interested (and sometimes fearful). Horses with their heads way up in the air and ears forward can be stressed and looking for a friend. But they can also just be listening or interested in something in front of them.

Bored/Tired(only one hind foot taking the weight is common; horses tend to lean on only one foot when they’re sleepy/bored/comfortable). Their heads are lowered, their eyes and ears may be droopy, and they’ll be sighing a lot. What’s most hilarious is when their mouth hangs open as such:

If you’re like me, you then play with that lip and go LIP LIP LIP LIP because you are about six years old.

Notice that the ears are PINNED back, not just facing backward. A horse moves their ears based on what they are listening to. It’s possible that their ears are just facing backward to listen to something behind them. But if the horse looks tense, their ears are pinned to their neck, and they look prepared to bite, they are angry or afraid.

Listening (when ears move forward and backward)
One key thing to look for in a horse that’s listening to you is that they are a) moving their ears back and forth b) lowering their head and c) smacking their lips. This is horse talk for “I’m paying attention to you.”

Being weird

Sometimes your horse is just weird and does this lip thing. We had one horse who would do it when you gave him wormer. He did not like the taste of wormer. So he did this. It’s hilarious every single time, no matter how long you’ve had horses.

As terrifying as horse yawns look, they are not being aggressive. They are just sleepy babies with nasty teeth.

Some things horses WILL do:

  • Come when called (they must be trained to do so with many treats; it does not come as naturally to horses as it does dogs)
  • Tricks, such as bowing or rearing
  • Throw you off and not look back (if they’re a dick)
  • Throw you off and stop after a bit and wait for you (if they’re not a dick)
  • Bite people/buck people off they may not like.
  • Run under low branches to knock a rider off. Horses! They’re dicks!
  • Enjoy running up hills more than they enjoy running down hills (don’t ask me, horses are weird)
  • Change their personalities depending on who is handling them. This is not a drastic change, usually, but horses may become gentler or more stubborn depending on whether or not they sense their handler is confident
  • Go lame (lame=limping) at the most inopportune moments
  • Roll over with a rider still on them (aka bucking for the lazy, passive-aggressive horse)
  • Kick you if you stand behind it. I mean, most horses don’t do this, but it only takes one.
  • Paw at water. Think of horses as giant toddlers who like splashing puddles.
  • Eat things/poop while they walk and run (don’t anyone tell you that humans are the only multi-taskers)
  • Poop on you and fart in your face. A pastime horses enjoy.
  • Pick things up in their mouths and toss them around.
  • Lie down (some horses do lie down to rest, but they only do so when someone else in the herd is standing up. Think of it as guard duty. Horses can sleep standing up, and they most likely will not lie down if they’re in the open country and if they are the only horse)
  • Lie down like this:

Some things horses WILL NOT do:

  • Fight wolves to protect you (sorry; every man for himself)
  • Jump over their own paddock fence to come when called (I mean, maybe? IDK, teaching a horse to jump out of their pen sounds like an awful idea)
  • Jump random objects in their way when they’ve never jumped anything before, especially ravines (take it from me— horses do not leap over ditches if they’ve never done it before. I found that one out the hard way)
  • Put their lives at explicit risk for you (they’re not dogs. Again.)
  • Snort constantly like they do in movies, unless they’re sick
  • Talk to you via snorting/shaking their head. Horses do not understand English. (They can be trained to do this stuff to signals, like a dog. But they don’t understand what you’re saying.)
  • Charge into battle without regard to what they’re charging into (war horses are a thing, but I see a lot of CGI movies in which horses just fucking RAM into the other side, and I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen. Horses can be taught to tolerate gunshots and canon fire and all kinds of stuff, but they generally enjoy not being stabbed and running straight into other horses)
  • Become exhausted from a relentless desert marathon, lay down to die, and then get back up when the rider gets in touch with his indigenous ancestors (thanks, Hidalgo!)
  • Start liking you just because you gave it an apple, even though you’re a wild Mustang and don’t like people. (thanks, Flicka!)
  • Pull a plow Day 1 with zero training because you decided it was a good idea to buy a Thoroughbred with the money your papa gave you a for a plow horse (thanks, War Horse!)
  • Run as an Arabian in a race meant for Thoroughbreds with an 8-year-old jockey or whatever (thanks, Black Stallion!)
  • Do magic (to my knowledge!)

Some things that are very rare for a horse to do:

  • Charge at you. A horse who did this would be considered very dangerous. Humans being able to handle a horse is entirely dependent upon the horse’s assumption that you can kick its ass. Once it realizes it can kill you, you have a predator animal on your hands, and dealing with a 2,000 lb predator with hooves and teeth is NOT a horse you want to have around.
  • Rear, just cuz. Horses rear when they are playing or fighting, and when a horse rears with a rider on, it usually means they’re being a dick, not just cuz they feel great and the sunset is behind you and you’re a cowboy. A horse can be taught to rear on command, as they do in movies. But they don’t just do it unless they’re mad at you.
  • Enjoy its head being hugged. Horses love hugs (or at least are neutral to them), but generally resist head hugging. I mean, what if a strange person came up to you and just clutched your head to their chest? Like, BOUNDARIES, okay?
  • Act like a dog in any shape or form.

here is a cool thing: Horses and ponies while classified as the same species, are very different. They are not reliable variations like what one might find in “breeds” but two distinct forms of the same species. In the old days, you’d say that a pony was any horse under 14 hands, however, there are lots of horses that are 14 hands and sometimes smaller, and lots of ponies who push this size barrier (often called Cob size). However, there are also breeds of horses/ponies whose name changes, depending on who u talk to (ie. Icelandic Horse vs Icelandic Pony, Fjord Horse vs Fjord Pony) because they contain characteristics of both

those characteristics again, depend on who you really talk to. Generally speaking, ponies are stockier, stronger pound for pound, have thicker coats and manes, hardier and sturdier than horses who are taller, faster, have shorter/sleeker coats and finer manes and tails. Ponies are also generally considered to be smarter and more stubborn than horses, with better problem solving abilities and considered friendlier/less flighty.

but, the above, again, can cross over and both horses and ponies can contain both sets of characteristics, its a total sum of all the characteristics present and historical naming conventions that lead to pony and horse classification

but then you get into miniature horses vs miniature ponies (Falabella vs Shetlands) where its been a heated debate for decades over whether or not there is a difference between horses and ponies in this sense, as both miniature horses and ponies share common characteristics, they’re small, short legs, elongated middle sections, and under the height classification, they are ponies. HOWEVER if you go by the other characteristics, they don’t fit into the pony definition, because they don’t have a thick coat, the muscle, the thick raggedy mane and tail or the stubborn/cunning nature of a Shetland. You can also take into account that miniature horses have a much higher chance of dwarfism than shetlands, because shetlands well, basically evolved to suit the harsh island climate of the Shetland islands in northern Scotland while miniature horses were bred purely for their size and prettiness

what im saying is:

horse classifications are hilariously subjective and there are no laws in this world

Percy Jackson Series Starter Sentences #1

  • “Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.”
  • “I’m incognito. Call me Fred.”
  • “You’re not getting away from me. Never again.”
  • “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?”
  • "You’re cute when you’re worried. Your eyebrows get all scrunched together.”
  • “Now, come over here so I can pat you down.“
  • "I declare that this is stupid.”
  • "The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!”
  • “Every time I’m around you, some monsters attack us. What’s to be nervous about?”
  • “They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.“ 
  • “Remind me again-why do you hate me so much?”
  • “You weren’t able to talk sense into him?“
  • “Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.”
  • “We need music, how’s your singing?”
  • “We’ve learned that your plans really, really bite!”
  • “There is always a way out for those clever enough to find it.”
  • “Lots of death, huh? Personally, I’m trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!” 
  • “It was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep.”
  • “Yeah, well,not giving people a second thought…that can be dangerous.”
  • “What did you want to tell me earlier?”
  • “Just take the compliment. I swear, is it so hard?”
  • “Can’t this thing go any faster?”
  • “You’re planning something. You’ve got that I’m-planning-something look.” 
  • “ You smell like you’ve been run over by an electric horse.” 
  • “Don’t change the subject.”
  • “Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.”
  • “Are you trying to tempt me?”

The Trevi Fountain (Fontana di Trevi) 1762 is Italy’s largest and most famous Baroque fountain, standing 85 feet high and 65 feet across. The fountain can be found in Rome’s Piazza di Trevi in the Quirinale district.

Water flows from the mouth of the dominating figure–Neptune, god of the sea–standing atop a shell-shaped chariot drawn by two sea horses and two gods. The horses represent the changing mood of the sea.

Imagine joining forces on set with Alex

In honor of the Friday Prompts my fellow Army girls.
Oh my god you are awesome thank you! Well I was wanting one Alex x reader where they work together at Vikings of course and they are really into each other but haven’t admitted it until they can’t help it anymore and end up secretly fucking on set and confessing their feelings for each other, what do you think?
Note: I think that writting this was so much fun! I hope you like it to. ;-) Let me know if so. Other way of writing but so damn fun to do!
Words: 2338

The weather was terrible, you walked with a winterjacket and a scarf only to resist the sharp cold wind. It wasn’t freezing, in fact the sun shined but the wind maked it almost unbearable to walk around without those two things. As a horsetrainer you came everywhere around the world and if you had to choose you loved a little warmth over some freezing cold. But it was part of the job and for now you needed to ready the horses for the filmday at hand. What meant you needed to warm them up, clean them and maked the propper arrangements to their gear. You took a rope and walked to one of the paddocks that were build aside the set, to give the horses a change to strecht their legs. Arian was watching you from in the farest corner, his ears pointed foward, his intelligent eyes following your every move.
‘I know what you are thinking.’ You said to him. He wasn’t the easiest, but he did his job excellent. From the moment you walked closer the wind caught him and he started to gallop around, shaking his white head like he was amused by the thought that you were going to catch him. ‘Arian.’ With the wind all the horses were a little hotheated. Knowing Arian would be on set today meant that you would need some extra time to calm him done before he joked around when he actually needed to be focust. But that horse got you good, standing still on a distant and cantering again when you came closer.
‘She is trying to catch my horse.’ You turned around to the voice. Alex stood against the fense, back towards you while he was filming himself and you on the background trying to catch Arian.
‘If you put that on instagram I’ll do you something.’ You shouted. He turned around, curious.
‘What will you do to me?’
‘You don’t want to find out.’
‘To late.’ He reacted on that. You shook your head, smiling and looked back to Arian.
‘You better help me.’ You said to him. He leaned over the fense, arms crossed over it while he looked amused towards Arian walking away from you.
‘Why should I do that? I have the time of my life seeing you struggle.’ He laughed. It was what the both of you did, joking around with each other. The second best thing about your job in training horses for series and films was that you had to privileged to work with some pretty amazing actors. Alex Hogh Andersen was one of them, his role as Ivar was the other thing that caused you to fall for him. But how dangerous and manipulative that character could be,Alex was the oppisit.
‘Because you need him today. The less time I can prep him the more difficult it will be for you to handle him.’ You answered his question.
‘The more I need you, with other words, isn’t a bad thing.’ He joked, jumping over the fence into the paddock. Arian looked at the both of you before he walked over to Alex, he started laughing, petting Arian over the head.
‘What did you gave him?’ You asked. The horses were on a strict diet, Arian being so willing for Alex meant that he gave that horse something.
‘My unconditional love.’ He answered, smiling aside to you. You walked closer to him and took Arian from him over.
‘I don’t believe thing from what you say.’ You reacted. He looked at you, your face half hidden in your scarf and started laughing again. ‘What? Never seem somebody have cold before.’
‘It’s cute!’ He squeezed your cheeks and you kicked his hands away. ‘Do you need me to warm you up.’
‘Not funny Alex.’
‘I wouldn’t dare to laugh.’ He reacted, with a more tender smile. He was serious? He helped you and Arian out of the paddock until he looked on his watch. ‘Need to go, see you on set. Don’t get me killed.’ He pointed to Arian while running off.
‘I wouldn’t dare to loose my favorit person around here.’ You shouted after him. So saw him trow you a smile before he left you with that kind of feeling again, and it wasn’t the first time you felt that way.

‘Is he ready? They need you and him on set.’ The setcoordinator said to you. You jumped on the chariot and took the reins.
‘Let’s go Arian.’ You loosened the reins a little and he walked of, pulling the chariot behind him. For a second you felt quite the viking yourself, all proud and tough while you leaded that horse to set on some of the most epic attributed they had, Ivar his chariot. The wind laid down a little, making Arian more focust and eager to work. When you arrived on the set a large viking force stood ready to film the epic scene where the Heathen Army for the first time got showed of to Aella. ‘Boys.’ You greeted, Alexander, Jordan, David and Marco. Alex jumped on the chariot and took his place on the seat. ‘You know the drill, if he gets axcious just play a little with the reins, give him something to focus on.’ You advised him.
‘I would love to see that horse to take off with you.’ Marco joked, leaning on the egde of the chariot. They started talking their own language and you looked between the two in.
‘That’s my cue to leave.’ You jumped from the chariot, Alexander laughed, giving you a shoulderpet while you walked over to Arian. ‘Be good.’ You warned him.
‘You come safe me right?’ Alex asked. You turned around and looked up to him.
‘I didn’t thought Ivar the Boneless needed saving.’ You joked, he tilted his head and you walked smiling away. Arian was never alone, one of the stablehands was dressed as a viking and would be around on all times. ‘Good luck.’ You said to them before you left set. You waited with the crew behind the scenes. You loved to how a simple play turned out to be a whole series. You were part of it, not in it but aside it. Arian behaved, Alex was extrodionary in his role as Ivar. He had a thousand fangirls behind him only for that role and you had the change to work with him, to be his friend. You didn’t only respect him, you admirered him, were draw to him, who wouldn’t.

It was dark when you trained the last horse for tomorrow. The setgrounds were silent, everybody was doing his own thing. Most turned back to the nearby village, others stayed in the trailers on set. Rowen walked under you to the stables, you petted him on his neck from out of the saddle. ‘What are you still doing here?’ You asked Alex when you saw him standing before the stall of Arian, giving him a treat. You lashed him carefull with the wip while passing. ‘Don’t.’
‘He deserves some treat for his good work today.’ Alex turned towards you, his messy hair up in a little knot on the back of his head, hands hidden in his pockets.
‘They would better give me a treat for my good work.’ You laughed, jumping from Rowen before you started to untack him. Alex didn’t react on that and your turned around to him, he just leaned against Rowen his stable and looked at you. ‘What?’ You asked while leading Rowen in his stable, closing the door while you kept your eyes on Alex.
‘You seriously want a treat?’ He asked.
 ‘Why not. It’s a job like another, you get all the fangirls and I just see an amount of money on my account.’
‘You have the privilege to work with those awesome and handsome actors.’
‘Are you talking about yourself because yes,’ You didn’t got the change to finish that sentence, Alex pulled you towards him, placing his lips on yours. You pulled back in an instant and looked at him, confussed. ‘What are we doing?’
‘Giving you a treat.’ He reacted, looking down to your lips in that way again. You felt a whole lot of Ivar in that look and to be honest, you hardly could resist. ‘Maybe I like you more than I let out.’ He followed. Okay, easy decision. You placed your lips back on his, wrapping an arm around his neck while he pulled you closer by your waist. The cold rushed out with this kind of a kiss. His hand rested on the small of your back, you felt his fingertips on your naked skin underneath your jacket. Offcourse, Rowen took it as his business to put his nose against your hair. You started laughing, duking away from him.
‘Go to sleep Rowen!’ You lectured the horse. Alex pulled you around the corner where the hay was stocked and you felt his devilish plan coming from miles away. ‘We are not,’
‘A horsegirl like you, don’t say you never thought about it.’ He smiled his boyish smile. You bited your lip, closing your eyes when he kissed you again. You had to admit, this kind of luxery didn’t had his fangirls, they could only dream about it. He zipped open your jacket, you felt his cold hands through you shirt, letting you shiver. But it didn’t take him long to warm you up. You pulled your jacket out while he unwrapped your scarf from around your neck, in all that time you never lost touth of each other. He kissed you neck, you stroke your hands over his chest. Alex wasn’t the rough kind, not like his character in this series was. He laid you down on a hay bale and hovered over you. Making out in the stables, you could scrap that from your bucketlist, just like the fact you were doing it with Alex Hogh Andersen, scrape that to. You pulled his sweater and shirt over his head laid your hands against his bare chest while he pulled out your shirt, leaving you in only your bra and pants. The rest went on his own, ending with the fact that you had to hold your moans for yourself not wanting to have someone looking around in the stables. Feeling him inside you, you clenshed your teeth with every movement you maked.
‘Alex.’ You moaned out in a final breath, getting to your higest point and explode in all kind of wonderfull things. And he did just the same.
‘Stay.’ He panted against your neck, the both of you laying half naked on the hay bale.
‘Give me a warmer location and I consider it.’ You reacted heavily out of breath.

Your alarm sounded like a killer in your head. You groaned angry, turning your head in the bed and looking to Alex. That little morning temper you sometimes had vanished like snow before the sun. You did … you had sex with him in the stables and came here afterwards, making out … again and falling asleep on his bed. It never felt better, your career never got this kind of turn before.
‘Put it out Y/n.’ He murmured. You noticed you still didn’t turned of your alarm and whent looking for your mobile in the pile of clothes.
‘Come on, where are you.’ You whispered still half asleep. It took you a minute but you got it out, throwing yourself back aside him. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer, you murmered something and he chuckled about it. ‘Am I dreaming?’ You asked after laying still against his chest for a while. ‘If so it was a verry vivid dream.’ You continued. He stroke his fingers through you hair and you looked up to him.
‘Not dreaming.’ He promised you. You stayed still, looking to his calm face expressions.
‘What we did, I think,’
‘I like you Y/n, seriously.’ He announched. You opened your mouth to react on that but there wasn’t any protest left in your body.
‘Same.’ You only said with a soft smile. He pulled you closer, kissing you tender and you felt like the most happy girl in the world. ’I can never stay on your side, you know that right?’
‘Because you work with horses around the world and I’m an actor?’
‘Yes.’ You reacted a little unsure, resting your head slowly back on his chest.
‘Give it a change, I like you, even better, I want to be with you. Besiced, when you are on others sets I can come visit and meet those famous actors all around the world.’ He joked. You slapped him on his bare chest and he chuckled.
‘I’m worked on the set of Game of Thrones, maybe you will be lucky enough next year to visit me there.’
‘Did you fuck Jamie Lannister there to?’
‘No, Jon Snow.’ You answered neutral. His eyes grew a little bigger before he noticed that you were joking about it. You laughed, hiding your head against his body.
‘What I’m saying is that you are here for season five to so we have each others company for a long time.’ He went further, all serious again. You looked up to him, studying his face.
‘You really like me? A horsegirl?’ You asked a little in disbelief. There was nothing special about you, you where very good with horses, social a little less with persons but when they started to know you, you grew fast into a friendship.
‘You would be surpriced how amazing you are.’
‘Maybe.’ You murmured.
‘I know your weaknesses to.’ He began.
‘Oh really?’ You smiled. His smile grew a little darker, his eyes stronger and in just that couple of seconds it was like you looked at the fearless Ivar the Boneless. ‘You win.’ You reacted in a small voice.
 ‘Good, now let me kiss you.’ He demanded all viking alike, not giving you a choose …. Not that you where in protest about it to begin with.

Though can we talk about how Kirishima was the only one in the team Bakugou called by his name while giving Mina and Sero nicknames when they teamed up?? Because that’s actually really telling on how the whole “the unbreakable horse” speech really changed Bakugou and Kirishima’s dynamica in general.

anonymous asked:

What specifically was so scandalous about eloping (if you actually got married and didn't pull a Wickham/Lydia and live in sin for a few weeks first)?

Elopement sidestepped many restrictive elements of a traditional betrothal–both legal and honourable. If either party was younger than twenty-one, they legally required the permission of their parent or guardian in order to marry. And, in the case of a match where the individual’s family disapproves, there may still be huge ramifications in openly acknowledging an engagement–Edward Ferrars is disinherited, and Frank Churchill and Willoughby both live under this threat of losing their inheritances if they don’t toe the line and make a match which is approved of by those who have the power to cut them out of the line of inheritance. (Though they react to this in very different ways.) Secret engagements seem to be of more benefit to the young man who fears being disinherited, whereas elopements are more a means of a husband getting his hands on his wife’s legal inheritance or dowry (any property or income a woman possessed reverting to her husband’s ownership upon the instant of her marriage. [See: Darcy, Georgiana.])

This is why the Bennets fear Wickham has no intention of actually marrying Lydia, as she has no fortune nor any great family connections which could help him to a fortune or a better career placement. Lydia, evidently, believes it is quite romantic, but as others have a better understanding of Wickham’s deceptive and mercenary nature, they can’t see a means of making Wickham marry Lydia unless there is some significant financial inducement for him to do so. (Like, Mr. Bennet could threaten to duel him, but…Wickham’s a young soldier with zero sense of honour. Who do we really think is going to come off well in that fight? Until Fitzwilliam Darcy steps in, the family cannot have much hope at all that Lydia is ever going to be retrieved, or that if she is, Wickham might ‘make an honest woman of her’. The risk is all on Lydia’s side, and Wickham could run off and do whatever he likes.)

All this fuss over elopements in England in Jane Austen’s time is largely due to legislation that came into being a generation before, with the Marriage Act of 1753. This was specifically to try and stop secret marriages from taking place, because the legal fallout was almost invariably hairy and messed-up and kidnapping young heiresses and forcing them to marry you (and yes this could include rape or as assholes liked to call it ‘forced seduction’) was a thing that happened more than once and often enough for it to be considered a risk. There were things like licenses and banns to be read and all, but these were more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules, and all you needed was an Anglican priest to do the honours, and the marriage was legally binding.

Under the Act, Scotland was exempt, and so many border towns and villages became places for eloping couples to marry legally, in a match which could not then be considered void in England. With the toll-road passing through Gretna Green, this town in particular has become known for its elopements, and why the Bennets look for clues which may indicate that Lydia and Wickham have gone off to Scotland in general, or Gretna Green in particular. The Isle of Man was also an elopement destination for a time, but they brought in their own legislation, similar to England’s, but took it one step further: as any non-Manx priest caught performing dodgy marriages would have his ears cropped, be pilloried, imprisoned, fined, and deported.

Primarily, then, an elopement was just flying in the face of honest and honourable convention, and would taint the match with gossipy guesses as to why the couple had fled to avoid requiring parental consent or the reading of the banns. (Did the family disapprove, and why? Is one party much too young or already has a bad reputation? Is someone pregnant? Is someone a fortune-hunter? Is the match bigamous? Is it incest? These were some of the pitfalls a properly acknowledged engagement and the waiting-period of the reading of the banns were supposed to help avoid.)

And even if a couple did not “live in sin” for a number of weeks, unless they already lived very near to the Scottish borders, they would have to travel alone together–which unmarried couples did not do, at the risk of the lady’s reputation. The need to rest, eat, and change horses would require stops at coaching inns–and, unchaperoned, anything could happen. They could present themselves as man and wife to the innkeeper, and take a room together. Though they could, of course, ask for separate rooms, this might risk drawing questions and attention to themselves, which, if they were being pursued, would make witnesses more likely to recall them and point in the direction they had gone. (And, needing to travel in a carriage as no lady would ride so far on horseback, they would be moving more slowly than any man sent after them to catch them.) Closed carriages were often used for illicit hook-ups, in any case, so even if an eloping couple were caught three hours after they took to the road, before they’ve had a chance to stop for the night, the woman’s reputation would well be ruined, as it could be easily assumed they just started humping the moment they were alone in the carriage together.

So in an age of closely-guarded female virginity-as-virtue and the many legal ties of dowries and inheritances which went along with marriage, the Act of 1753 was an attempt by England to curb clandestine marriages within the country, which had been fucking up the plans of old white rich men for their children’s marriages for hundreds of years by that point…so it ultimately became harder for a couple to elope unless they had the means and gumption to make a clean getaway to Scotland, which was likely to be an extensive journey with plenty of time to get deflowered in the carriage or in a coaching-inn along the way…maybe in front of a crackling log-fire…with a bottle of the landlord’s finest brandy…in the company of that impulsive, passionate, and gorgeous creature whose love was too heady a temptation to resist even in the face of legal quagmire and dubious morality…

Don’t elope. ‘Cause you will get pregnant, and die! Don’t elope because you love someone, don’t elope because they say they love you…just don’t do it, promise? Okay, everybody take some French letters.

Suitors seeing You Naked ...

Or parts of you at least;)

Giles - accidentally walks in on you while you’re changing in your room (why are there no locks on the doors) … *smirks* “Do you require assistance Princess?”

Nico -also walks into your room while you’re changing and your skirt is flipped up over your head and you can’t see a damn thing, but you hear the door click, and he just quietly stands there ….. “Nico? Is that you? Nico don’t look! Where are you!?! NICOOOO!?!”

Alyn - you go to the stable and you’re late for your lesson so you run into an empty horse stall to change and you’re pulling up your breeches and he looks the wall over wondering what’s going on - but he doesn’t … quit looking…

Robert - is strolling through the courtyard one evening and looks up to notice your curtains aren’t closed and your standing there looking out the window in a very sheer nightgown … he walks much, much, much slower …

Rayvis - invites you to visit his estate, and you’re done bathing and you exit the tub to find no towel so then you try to sneak around to find a maid and Rayvis is walking down the hall minding his own business and he runs smack into you- there’s a lot of screaming.

Sid - you’re out with him on a job and he’s all telling you that you have to change now or else someone will recognize you and so you tell him to turn around, but not thinking that there’s a mirror that way… and he doesn’t bother to remind you…

Louis - you are at his duchy and you’re in the bath, and he thought you were outside for a stroll and he gets naked and goes to take a bath just as you stand up from the tub and you’re both …. standing there… naked… and he’s like “Why are you wet?!” .. Louis …

Leo - it’s a windy day in Wysteria and you two are out on a walk, you’re wearing something a little shorter than usual and whoooosh!
“You didn’t see anything did you Leo?”
“Of course not - but nice blue undies…”

Byron - he accidentally enters your chambers when the seamstress is helping you get fitted for a dress… you two are busy and don’t notice, so he slowly, and quietly slinks away, with a big ass smile on his face … oooh my..

Albert - he’s helping you out of the carriage when your foot slips and your skirt catches on the step riser and woweee!!! he gets a nice view of some purple panties in his face… it’s only for a split second though - then his glasses fog over.

travel times DIY

bc apparently this is all i’m thinking about right now

fair weather, flat terrain, roads

  • foot: 20 m/day
  • forced march: 30 m/day (unsustainable for long periods)
  • horse: 40 m/day
  • fast carriage: 60 m/day
  • horse relay: 80 m/day (changing horses at each town)

fair weather, hilly terrain, roads (or flat terrain, bad weather)

  • foot: 14 m/day
  • forced march: 20 m/day
  • horse: 25 m/day
  • fast carriage: 30 m/day
  • horse relay: 70 m/day

fair weather, mountainous terrain, roads (or hilly terrain, bad weather)

  • foot: 9 m/day
  • forced march: 15 m/day
  • horse: 20 m/day
  • fast carriage: 40 m/day
  • horse relay: 60 m/day

fair weather, wooded terrain, off road

  • foot: 8 m/day
  • forced march: not here you’re not
  • horse: 20 m/day
  • fast carriage: see forced march
  • horse relay: ditto

fair weather, mountainous terrain, off road

  • foot: 6 m/day
  • forced march: don’t do it
  • horse: 10 m/day
  • fast carriage: ur not getting a carriage up here m8
  • horse relay: there’s nowhere to relay ur horse up here

fair weather, experienced sailors

  • decent-sized merchant ship: 80 m/day (brig/carrack/cog type)
  • fast/unladen ship: 100 m/day (caravel/clipper/corvette type)
    • in peak conditions, you could comfortably get up to 150 m/day
    • these boat speeds include some margin for days when little progress is made vs days when lots of progress is made
  • for bad weather, just add on a day or two i guess

other modes of transport

  • horse & cart: 10 m/day
  • fully laden soldier: 15 m/day
  • rowing: 3 m/hour (quite fast, 1 mile can be covered in anything from 15 to 45 mins depending on how experienced you are/what type of boat you’re using)

things to note

  • walking speed: 3-5 m/hour (on average)
  • walking for 7-8 hours a day
  • riding speed: 25 m/hour gallop ; 13 m/hour canter ; 9 m/hour trot ; 4 m/hour walk
    • obviously it’s unsustainable to ride at a flat gallop all day, unless you’re changing horses at each town
  • riding for 10 hours a day
  • 1 knot = 1.15 m/hour

anonymous asked:

So I'm not even close to getting my first horse, and even if I do I'll probably get a rescue. But if I ever do eat a foal would 4 years old be a good time to start saddle training? I would do groundwork and stuff before just to get them ready to learn, and be used to people. But I keep hearing the horror story's of people actually riding their two year olds.

yes that would be a perfect time to start them. People will try to tell you it’s harder the older they get but they are trying to break older horses who haven’t been touched all their lives. Spending time doing ground work or ground driving and teaching them everything on the ground before getting on… will give you one hell of a horse in the end. I spent a year and a half of solid groundwork with Oakley before getting on him when he was 3 ½ and now he’s 4, has maybe almost 30 rides on him (i only get to ride like twice a month, it kills me), goes wherever I point him, listens to all my queues, neck reins, responds to leg pressure, never had bitting issues, and has not ONCE offered a single buck. The way you start a horse can change everything, put a solid foundation on them before riding and you have not only done your horse a favor, but yourself a favor too. 

Please Swifties: I desperately need your help to send this letter...


I know you probably get thousands upon thousands of messages and letters a day, but if you have time, it would mean the world to me if you could read this when you come back to Tumblr. Even if you don’t see this, if you don’t respond, at least I know these words are out there, and maybe these words will resonate with others. But first, I think I should introduce myself. My name is Sarah, I am eighteen, I study English Literature and I want to go into academia researching medieval literature. I’m oh so slightly introverted and shy (and wheat intolerant). I love the countryside and old things (especially Polaroid cameras and vinyl records- I don’t have one though), I love to bake, I love to read, I love to learn, I love to write. I’ve been listening to your music since I was ten years old, ever since I heard Love Story on the radio on the way to school. I didn’t stop dancing around to ‘Fearless’ for 6 months straight after my parents bought it for me. Then I Went out and bought ‘Taylor Swift’. Thus begins this magical saga.

'Fearless’ was the first time I realised the truth in your words “people haven’t always been there for me, but music has”, because I had a very odd passion for a ten year old, I loved to read and learn, I loved to be alone and write poetry. And people thought it was weird, I remember listening to your music, your first two albums and I saw myself. I saw my own insecurities and desires in 'Taylor Swift’, I felt like you knew what it was like to stand on your own, to take the high road. I saw my own romantic fairytales in 'Fearless’, I knew all too well the lessons learned. I remember when it felt like I was alone, I could feel close to you, like you could understand my ten year old self. I felt like you had rummaged through my journal and written them into 3:30 minute songs, The Outside, Tied Together With A Smile, Love Story, Breathe, White Horse, Change. Those are the songs I will always go back to when I’m having a tough day. I still remember how when I was twelve, I realised I didn’t fit in, even more so now that 'cliques’ were becoming a thing, I didn’t get invited to parties, I didn’t even have a clique. I would read at lunchtimes, I was ostracized because I didn’t like what everyone else wanted to love… And 'Speak Now’ showed up just in time. For the next one and a half years it was all I listened to, YOU were all I listened to. You gave me your shoulder to weather the storm. You were on my side, fighting my corner when I felt no one else was.

I remember when I was fifteen, the friends I had made at the start of upper school had drifted away from me, I had lost my grandfather to cancer. I felt so lost and so heartbroken, and like some miracle, there was 'Red’. And I remember I played that album for months when it came out, for what seemed like years when I fifteen. I would always start at 'All Too Well’. It’s one of my favorite songs…. I don’t know who got me out of that, maybe it was you, my family, I think it’s a bit of both. Let’s just say you both helped build the rungs to the ladder.

When I was 16, my relationship with my biological father (our relationship has always been strained because… nevermind) it wavered on the verge of falling apart, little did I know that two years later I would make the decision to part ways with him. I thought my life was over, I thought that I wasn’t strong enough to get through it and just like that, you did it again. 1989 came out. It was summer. It was strong. You had come alive, into your own. It showed me what I could be, if I let go of what I couldn’t change, what I could be if I believed in myself. Rather than my mirror, you became the person I wanted to be. You quite literally saved my life. 'Clean’ saved my life. 'I Know Places’ saved my life. Every. Single. Song. On. That. Album. Saved me. And I can never thank you enough for that. I remember going to see you in Hyde Park with my best friend and it was one of the best nights of my life. I came into my own. I came away with a confidence I hadn’t felt in months. I remember listening to that most magical clean speech with the desire to fight harder than ever.

I feel like you are a constant in my life now. I feel like, every time you release an album… It’s always in the nick of time to save me from disaster, or to help me through something, or to make me wanna get up and dance. And I will never stop thanking you for that. You have inspired me to love myself. To be confident. You have helped me become patient with others. You have made me stronger because you believed in me. You believed in me the way my Mum and Step-Dad do. You love me the way I love my three little sisters. You have embedded yourself into my life, and I haven’t even met you, in truth I don’t actually know that much about you… But I feel like I do. Is that weird? Thank you Taylor, for being here all this time. Thank you endlessly. I will never stop thanking you. And I will never stop loving you, and if I ever get the honor of meeting you one day I will tell you this myself. And yes I shall probably cry doing it.

I hope to God you hear this. I hope, through whatever means, that this finds you, it’s like a message in a bottle, right?

Love, Sarah :)