the-eunuch

anonymous asked:

So, the reason that eunuchs were used as harem guards historically was that, being castrated, they lacked a sex drive. But Bastion seems to be positively randy. Does he have pymaric testicles or something?

Eunuchs were historically desirable in many roles, and often it was because they had no offspring, marriage obligations, or potential to usurp a dynasty. They were the most faithful of servants and the safest of lovers. Yes, castration sands the corners off a dude’s sex drive, and some dudes find they lose interest in sex entirely, but if he has his penis, he can have penetrative sex. He’s simply shooting blanks.

If you research it, there are all kinds of stories of court ladies seeking out eunuchs for liaisons, and even many of the castrati of Italy who were cut before puberty grew up into randy fools sleeping with each other and their fans.

This does not even broach the very real possibility that Lady Ilganyag perhaps makes such a harsh demand of her wrights not to deprive them of pleasure, but to become the keeper of it, doling it out to her most faithful.

◆ —— CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

❛ They’re safe ❜  
❛ She’s/he’s/they’re safe, just like I promised. ❜
❛ And you get to die for her/him/them, just like you promised. ❜
❛ We’re all men/woman of our word. ❜
❛ This is either madness or brilliance. ❜
❛ It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide. ❜
❛ Me? I’m dishonest. ❜
❛ And a dishonest man/woman/person you can always trust to be dishonest. ❜
❛ It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly.. stupid. ❜
❛ This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught NAME. ❜
❛ You cheated. ❜
❛ Pirate. ❜
❛ You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of. ❜
❛ What’s your purpose? ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships. ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out. ❜
❛ I said no lies. ❜
❛ I think he’s telling the truth. ❜
❛ If he/she/they were telling the truth, he/she/they wouldn’t have told us. ❜
❛ That’s not true. ❜
❛ I am not obsessed with treasure. ❜
❛ Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate. ❜
❛ You’re supposed to be dead! ❜
❛ The only rules that matter are these: what a man/woman/person can do and what a man/woman/person can’t do. ❜
❛ Pirate is in your blood, boy. ❜
❛ I can let you drown. ❜
❛ So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not? ❜
❛ Drink up, me hearties. Yo ho. ❜
❛ You burned all the food, the shade.. the rum! ❜
❛ Yes, the rum is gone. ❜
❛ Why is the rum gone? ❜
❛ It is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. ❜
❛ The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. ❜
❛ Do you really think there is even the slightest chance they won’t see it? ❜
❛ There’ll be no living with him/her/them after this. ❜
❛ I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against PLACE. ❜
❛ There are a lot of long words in there, Miss/Mr. ❜
❛ We’re naught but humble pirates. ❜
❛ What is it that you want? ❜
❛ I want you to leave and never come back. ❜
❛ I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Mean’s no. ❜
❛ I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you mean. ❜
❛ Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. ❜
❛ I feel nothing. ❜
❛ You best start believing in ghost stories, NAME. You’re in one. ❜
❛ No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder? ❜
❛ If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it. ❜
❛ I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that. ❜
❛ It never would have worked between us, darling. ❜
❛ I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t know. ❜
❛ How far are you willing to go to save her/him/them? ❜
❛ I’d die for her/him/them. ❜
❛ You need to find yourself a girl/boy, mate. ❜
❛ Who are you? ❜
❛ No one. He’s no one. Distant cousin of my aunt’s nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch. ❜
❛ A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around! ❜
❛ I love this song. ❜
❛ You’ll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main. ❜
❛ You stole my boat! ❜
❛ I borrowed. Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back. ❜
❛ It’s frightful bad luck to have a woman on board. ❜
❛ She/he/they go free. ❜
❛ You only got one shot. ❜
❛ We can’t die. ❜
❛ Don’t do anything stupid. ❜
❛ The crew are not to be harmed. ❜
❛ Curse you for breathin’, ya slack-jawed idiot. ❜
❛ You should know better than to wake a man when he’s sleepin’. It’s bad luck. ❜
❛ Savvy? ❜
❛ It’s not worth you getting beat again. ❜
❛ You didn’t beat me. ❜
❛ You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fair, I’d kill you. ❜
❛ That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it? ❜
❛ The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers. ❜
❛ You know nothing of hell. ❜
❛ How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn’t work? ❜
❛ I’m actually feeling rather good about this. ❜
❛ You could surrender. ❜
❛ I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain. ❜
❛ You like pain? Try wearing a corset. ❜
❛ Wretch. ❜
❛ I couldn’t resist, mate. ❜
❛ That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen. ❜
❛ I cannot just step aside and let you escape. ❜
❛ This shot was not meant for you. ❜
❛ You’re pirates. ❜
❛ Hang the code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines, anyway. ❜
❛ You lying bastard! ❜
❛ Don’t dare impugn me honor, boy/girl! ❜
❛ I always liked you. ❜
❛ It goes with your black heart. ❜
❛ I really rather hoped we were past all this. ❜
❛ Perhaps you’ll conjure up another miraculous escape, but I doubt it. ❜
❛ Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try not to do anything… stupid. ❜
❛ Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision. ❜
❛ Any man who falls behind, is left behind. ❜
❛ Take what you can! Give nothin’ back. ❜
❛ I hardly believe in ghost stories. ❜
❛ We are cursed men. ❜
❛ Will you be saving her/him then? ❜
❛ I can’t swim. ❜
❛ I’m watching over you. ❜
❛ I should have told you from the moment I met you. I love you. ❜
❛ Hang him. ❜
❛ Keep your guns on him, men. ❜
❛ How did you escape last time? ❜
❛ This man/woman/person saved my life. ❜
❛ One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. ❜
❛ Come out… and we promise we won’t hurt you. ❜
❛ I invoke the right of parlay. ❜
❛ I can’t breathe. ❜
❛ You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before? ❜
❛ I had a dream about you last night. ❜
❛ You don’t want to be doing that, mate. ❜
❛ I’m curious. After killing me, what is it you’re planning on doing next? ❜
❛ Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? ❜
❛ You forget your place. ❜
❛ So, this is where your heart truly lies? ❜
❛ I already feel like a fool. ❜
❛ I admire a person who’s willing to do whatever’s necessary. ❜
❛ You’re a smart man/woman/person, but I don’t entirely trust you. ❜
❛ I’m not sure I deserved that. ❜
❛ I may have deserved that. ❜
❛ You’re safe now. ❜
❛ You’re despicable. ❜
❛ I saved your life, you saved mine. We’re square. ❜
❛ I can get you out of here. ❜
❛ I’d need a lot more to drink. ❜
❛ It was a good plan.. up ‘till now. ❜
❛ Do not make the mistake in thinking you are the only man here who cares for NAME. ❜
❛ Is there a problem between us? ❜
❛ Every decision you’ve made has only brought us from bad to worse. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜
❛ I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. ❜
❛ He’s still breathing. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜

Listen, if they do another potc movie (very likely bc of that after credits scene) I want it to be centered around the Turners. Hear me out:

I want Will to set off to put down Davy once and for all, probably searching out Jack first (*eunuch joke here*), and Jack doing his whole “why should I?” coy routine which ends up with him agreeing (bc lets face it, he’s practically watched this guy grown into a man and you can’t tell me he doesn’t care about him one some level AND the fact that Davy Jones is gonna be ten times worse than Salazar ever hoped he could be and if he’s coming for Will on the mere account that he was the one who ‘stabbed’ the heart, while dying I may add, what would he do to Jack, who was the one who actually DID the stabbing??) and the original crew going “It’s Will!!1!” while Jack just roles his eyes in the background and gripes to the monkey.

Now lets talk about Henry, because lord knows that boy is obsessed with lore and legend and you can be sure he’s gonna find out where Will’s going somehow, and he’s gonna know exactly who Davy Jones is and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t go along. “I lost my father once and….” etc, etc. He’ll probably think he’s being helpful the sweet summer child. I mean, he could be, but I’m not too sure Will is gonna agree.

Then things get messy, because we ALL know that where Davy Jones is, Calypso isn’t far behind. I mean, she’s probably even the reason he’s back in the first place. ‘Love can’t be separated’ and all that. And if they’re gonna stretch out this franchise even more I expect a Calypso and Davy team up even more epic than last time tbh.

Let’s talk about Pirates, because we know they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed. Somewhere along the lines, they’re gonna run into something they can’t figure out, or get into a battle they can’t finish.

This is where I want Elizabeth to come in. Because Elizabeth is still the Pirate King. And I’m sure the minute she finds out Henry is gone as well, she’s gonna go find her family and she’ll be damned too if Will finishes this without her. She’s lived two decades without him, I don’t think she’d pass up the slightest opportunity to join him when this is something they started together. 

I want to see Henry’s face as she comes sailing to their rescue and hear him go “Mother?” in an incredulous tone with Will grinning, in the background as she jumps straight into the fray and puts them all to shame. And Jack looking extremely overwhelmed with all these Turners running around lol.

I want to see an ending that resolves every last open story line, and brings back the nostalgia of the original films. I just really want a film about the Turners

I'll make a Eunuch out of you.

Context: Dark Heresy game, Feudal world. Our Arbitrator had seduced his way into getting free rooms for everyone at the inn and woken up to a very angry husband while he had his pants down. Literally.

DM: Okay, he hits you and after checking ya toughness and damage you’re at 7 wounds now!

Player: Any weapons I can use around?

DM: Well, you’re in the doorway of the bathroom. There’s a lamp nearby, but it’s behind the man.

Player: Right, I punch him in the balls.

DM: That’s a call shot at -20, are you sure? 

Player: Yep. I punch him in the balls.

*Player proceeds to roll a 01. A critical hit.*

*Player rolls a 10 for damage, plus his strength bonus of 3.*

DM: ….You punch him so hard his testicles pretty much explode against your fist. This man is never having children. The wife looks displeased.

Artaxerxes II & Tiridates
“Eunuch Tiridates had been the most handsome and attractive man in Asia. The King was said to be greatly in love with him. When Tiridates died young, his death caused Artaxerxes enormous grief.”

Darius III & Bagoas
“Persian king’s lover Bagoas, a eunuch of remarkable beauty and in the very flower of boyhood, who had been loved by Darius and was afterward to be loved by Alexander the Great.”

Al-amin & Kauthar
“Al-amin, Caliph of the Baghdad and black eunuch Kauthar, his favorite. The king died in battle with his faithful lover, Kauthar.”

Alauddin & Malik Kafur
“Sultan Alauddin Khilji fell madly in love with the effeminate beauty of Malik Kafur who was very intelligent; the boy became his consort and the general of his army.”

Mehmed II & Radu III
“Radu Dracula was the source of Sultan’s burning love and passion, he became his male concubine, and they spent long days and nights together.”

Ivan IV & Fyodor
“Fyodor Basmanov, a favorite of Ivan the Terrible. The Russian nobleman was almost certainly a lover of the tsar. Feodor Basmanov was described as beautiful and in some accounts, effeminate youth.

Eastern lovers from 350′s BC till 1500′s