“You don’t look like a lesbian.”

Her words hung off of her lips stuck in the air pinning me down with their weight.

“Well I am.”

We stare at each other in silence, and I can see her brain scrambling for the proper words— words that won’t offend me, words that won’t land her in the hot pot boiling alive and screaming for help. 

Two days later I’m sitting in the floor in front of my full length mirror covered in stains from foundation and mascara. I run my hands through my chin-length hair, and the urge to shave it all off is stronger than I’ve ever felt. 

My closet, full of skirts and dresses looks foreign to me. One leg at a time, I pull on black skinny jeans. I stare at my dad’s belt hanging in my closet, and I grab it putting it on slowly one belt loop at a time. I fasten it the metal buckle clinking as I do so, and I stand in front of the mirror looking at how it sits on my hips. 

The phrase she said to me runs around in my head echoing against invisible canyon walls that keep my thoughts inside of my mind. My femininity is starting to feel foreign to me. The urge to drop the expectations of mainstream womanhood placed upon me by the world and my mother strangles me with it’s nonexistent hands, and I swallow the lump of anger in my throat.

I am not what they want me to be.

I am not what I want to be.

I am held back by the strings attached to my puppet arms. 

But I find a pair of scissors.

Engraved upon its blades is freedom in thick, bold lettering, and I take them in my left hand. I cut the strings holding me back, and with that, I let the weight of other’s expectations fall off of my sloping shoulders. I stand tall. I stand proud of everything I am becoming, proud of how far I’ve come, and proud of how far I will go. 

I am not what they want me to be.

But I am what I want to be.

anonymous asked:

what do you consider the basics of a butch wardrobe? im trying to start presenting more butch but im not really sure where to start or what i need to have.

dskgjhskd i don’t have much of a wardrobe so i’m honestly not the best person to ask. it really depends on what style you like! i’m a lazy butch so my Look is usually a white t shirt, flannel, gym shorts, and a beanie or snapback depending on the weather. you absolutely need a warm jacket to attract the femmes. a pair of stompin boots are good too. a couple button ups are essential for your fancy butch occasions, and maybe a tie. there’s a great post here about starting to dress butch and it explains way better than i could lmao

anonymous asked:

Is it pretty universal that butches are flattered when you call them handsome or is it a case by case basis that you should ask them about? I just want to let my butch sisters know they’re lookin fine but I don’t want to offend them or anything :)

i think handsome is probably a better go-to compliment than pretty or beautiful, but yknow results may vary. if you’re second guessing how to compliment them, i use “gorgeous” a lot. it’s a strong word and very flattering, but isn’t necessarily associated with any kind of presentation

anonymous asked:

i feel like a fake butch because i have social anxiety and find it hard to be outgoing and confident and,,,,

hey i have anxiety too! so does literally every butch i know now that i think about it. mental illnesses don’t disqualify you from being butch and neither do shyness or insecurity