w-wait a minute, how about a survival guide for people who actually have BPD, you know, the people who can’t get away from themselves even for a second??? the people who can’t take a break by leaving a room but have to disengage by dissociating?? like ya i know it’s exhausting to love someone with BPD but no one is as exhausted as us. i know you may hate us and think we’re troublesome and a burden but i promise you no one feels that more than we do.

Nightmare Protocol

When Nightmares Keep You From Sleeping

  1. Practice relaxation, pleasant imagery, and coping skills first, to be sure you are ready to work on changing your nightmares. Do progressive relaxation, paced breathing, and/or Wise Mind exercises; listen to music on guided imagery; review the distress tolerance crisis survival skills.
  2. Choose a recurring nightmare you would like to work on. This will be your target nightmare. Select a nightmare you can manage now. Put off trauma nightmares until you are ready to work with them, or if you target a trauma nightmare, skip to step 3.
  3. Write down your target nightmare. Include sensory descriptions (sights, smells, sounds, tastes, etc.). Also include any thoughts, feelings, and assumptions about yourself during the dream.
  4. Choose a changed outcome for the nightmare. The change should occur BEFORE anything traumatic or bad happens to you or others in the nightmare. Essentially, you want to come up with a change that will prevent the ad outcome of the usual nightmare from occurring. Write an ending that will give you a sense of peace when you wake up. Note: Changes in the nightmare can be very unusual and out of the ordinary (e.g., a person with superhuman powers is able to escape to safety or fight off attackers). Changed outcomes can include changed thoughts, feelings, or assumptions about yourself.
  5. Write down the full nightmare with the changes.
  6. REHEARSE and RELAX each night before going to sleep. Release the changed nightmare by visualizing the entire dream with the changes each night, before practicing relaxation techniques.
  7. REHEARSE and RELAX during the day. Visualize the entire dream with the change, and practice relaxation as often as possible during the day.

Taken from DBT Skils Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan (Emotion Regulation Handout 20A)

I feel so inhuman. All these borderline help sites, all those self-help books, you know what they are? They’re “survival” guides for people who are forced to deal with us. 

You know, we’re not monsters. We can’t control some things. And if you really cared you wouldn’t need a fucking survival guide about how to deal with your “toxic partner brimming with infatuation,” we’re people. I know we’re difficult, but damn do we try.