the-avengers:-age-of-ultron

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Avengers: Age of Ultron Movie Storyline:
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and Earth’s Mightiest Heroes are put to the ultimate test as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance. As the villainous Ultron emerges, it is up to The Avengers to stop him from enacting his terrible plans, and soon uneasy alliances and unexpected action pave the way for an epic and unique global adventure.

Movie Details :
Release Date : 2015-04-22
Casts : Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Aaron Himelstein, Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Cobie Smulders, Joti Nagra, Julie Delpy, Samuel L. Jackson, Stellan Skarsgård, Henry Goodman, Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, Idris Elba, Paul Bettany, Imogen Poynton, Stan Lee, Julian Bleach, Linda Cardellini, James Spader, Jeremy Renner, Isaac Andrews, Mark Ruffalo, Nick W. Nicholson, Daniel Westwood, Thomas Kretschmann, Don Cheadle, Anthony Mackie, Kerry Condon, Josh Brolin, Chris Hemsworth, Dilyana Bouklieva, Claudia Kim, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, Andy Serkis, Robert Downey Jr.

Chapter 2: A Suit of Armor and Three Too Many Beers {Avengers x Fem!Reader}

Prompt: (Y/N) and her team return from their mission in Sokovia. Clint is injured, Tony is on a mission, and (Y/N) gets shitfaced. Everyone leads their own lives. No judgement here.

Warnings: cursing and drinking

Originally posted by iwantcupcakes

    The Avengers arrived at Stark Tower, Tony  landing the Helicarrier with perfect ease on the platform. The instant the back doors opened, Natasha rushed Clint into the tower with Dr. Cho at her heels. (Y/N) had wanted to go with him, but Tony was adamant about (Y/N)’s injections for her post-cancer treatment (not that cancer ever goes away, but (Y/N) called it that anyway). Clint fought for her to come, but Bruce and Steve butted in, so the fight was over pretty quick.

  Maria strode into the Helicarrier, past Thor who held the magic wand tight to his body in a cardboard box, so small and insignificant it seemed in the crutch of his toned arms (seriously, those things were the Appalachians). Tony was finishing up shutting down the mess of crap at the control panel as Steve was collecting his things and (Y/N) waited for Tony with her headphones in, listening to, “Psychotic Girl,” by The Black Keys.

  “Lab’s all set up, Boss,” Maria directed to Tony.

  “Oh, actually, he’s the boss,” Tony pointed to Steve. “I just pay for everything, and design everything, and make everyone look cooler.”

  “Jokes on you,” (Y/N) laughed. “I know I’ve said this before, but I’m always cool…hardy-har-har,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes at herself while Maria just stared blankly at (Y/N). “I don’t even need drugs to be like this,” (Y/N) stated. That set Maria off while Steve walked up to her and took the outstretched tablet from her hands.

  “No, no you don’t,” Steve laughed, then turned to Maria. “What’s the word on Strucker?” 

  “NATO’s got him,” Maria asserted, straightening herself up.

  “The two enhanced?” Steve continued.

  “Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins,” Maria announced. “Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building.”

  “Well, at least they have names now,” (Y/N) disclosed as her forlorn eyes traced the images of the twins on the screen in Steve’s hands. The two were rioting together, not much unlike (Y/N) before she met the Avengers. Except Wanda had her brother.

  Steve put his arm around (Y/N)’s waist and kissed her forehead, then motioned for Maria to walk with him.

  “I’ll see you soon, (Y/N),” Steve promised. He used to always hold (Y/N)’s hand during every procedure, every injection, but he had come to the realization that (Y/N) was tough as hell, and didn’t really need him every time. This created a trust between himself and Tony, as one of them would always be with her.

  “I might be a bit buzzed, so watch out,” (Y/N) joked.

  “When are you not?” Steve called back to her and smiled as he continued down to the launch pad to talk with Maria.

  “Alright, (Y/N). Just one more twist and…done,” Tony exhaled as he closed the panel above the control center.

  “I’m bloody thrilled,” (Y/N) waved her finger in an unimpressed circle.

  “Sometimes, sarcasm hurts,” Tony stated, and (Y/N) just stared at him. “Not me, personally, but other normal people could be offended.”

  “Then, offended they shall be,” (Y/N) asserted with a smirk.

  “You’re a punk,” Tony smirked back as he led the way to his lab, the two teasing each other the whole way, like they always did, until they met with Clint, Nat, and Dr. Cho in the lab for a moment. (Y/N) peered over at his wound and gasped.

  “Ew! Oh, my God! That’s so gross!” (Y/N) exclaimed and pulled away, sticking her tongue out. But a few seconds later, she returned her curious gaze back at the wound making everyone laugh. 

  “What does it look like?” Clint asked (Y/N). “Will the scar turn out cool?”

  “It looks like…a potato chip,” (Y/N) deduced. “I’m sorry, I get it. I really wanted to say like a fire breathing phoenix or Darth Vader or something, but…it just looks like a fucking chip.”

  “Wow, I got screwed,” Clint huffed and Dr. Cho laughed.

  “There won’t be a scar, Mr. Barton. I can promise you that,” she assured him. “The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. The cells won’t even know they’re bonding.”

  “Good,” (Y/N) deadpanned, “because it just looks like a chip.”


  “How’s he doing?” Bruce asked about Clint as Tony and (Y/N) passed him into the lab.

  “Unfortunately, he’s still Barton,” Tony quipped.

  “That’s terrible,” Bruce stated sarcastically. 

  “He’s fine, just thirsty,” Tony answered as he went to the drawer with all of (Y/N)’s meds.

  “Do you need help with that?” Bruce asked Tony, despite him having personally shown Tony exactly how to do it a week previous. Tony just gave Bruce a look and Bruce held his hands up defensively, then kissed the top of (Y/N)’s head before he left, eyes intent on his clipboard.

  “Look alive, Jarvis,” Tony called out. “It’s playtime. We’ve only got a couple of days with this joystick, so let’s make the most of it,” Tony stated as he sat (Y/N) down, then walked by the sceptor while he grabbed surgical gloves. “Update me on the structural and compositional analysis.”

  Tony listened to Jarvis spew a lot of science garbage that made (Y/N)’s head spin faster than the meds. Tony finished up (Y/N)’s injections, her eyes never betraying a hint of pain. Not whisper of complaint laced in her voice as the toxins burned through her veins. Tough. As. Hell. Nobody would ever deny it.

  “How do you just…do that?” (Y/N) asked curiously.

  “Don’t play the pronoun game, (Y/N),” Tony contended as he removed his gloves.

  “Don’t be an ass. I wasn’t done,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. “No, how do you just…deal with needles like that? Isn’t that just nasty?”

  “Oh, yeah, (Y/N). I just love to watch the nonexistent pain flitter across your face each time I stick you,” Tony answered sarcastically.

  “Ugh, it’s just gross,” (Y/N) shivered. 

  “Well, I got something up my sleeve that’ll wipe that from both of our minds,” Tony proclaimed excitedly, pulling (Y/N) gently by her arm to stand just where he wanted her to. Then, he pulled out his tablet and tapped the air before him, and up popped a blue projection, like…

  “A galaxy…” (Y/N) whispered, her wonder-filled eyes taking in every detail. “Looks like when Thor took me to Asgard through Heimdall’s…vortex? Fuck, I don’t even know what the heck it was, but…it’s so beautiful.” (Y/N) cocked her head at the orb (’why do I always do this?’). “So, what is it?” (Y/N) asked Tony.

  “Still in the works,” Tony answered coyly. “But I hope Bruce will help me finish it here in the next few days.”

  “Yeah, but what does it do?” (Y/N) asked, eager eyes still wandering the crystalline ball of light.

  “Nothing now…but I hope it will save a lot of people in the future…” Tony confided, his eyes watching (Y/N)’s graceful movements around the light, until she sat on the floor and rolled underneath the light, her eyes up towards the ceiling. “What are you doing?” Tony laughed.

  “Taking it in from a different angle,” (Y/N) stated nonchalantly, then she patted the space beside her. “Join me, darling,” (Y/N) insisted in a British accent and Tony rolled his eyes, but, of course, he joined her, appreciating her mad, unique mind. “So, how will it save these loads of people, per se?” (Y/N) asked.

  “It’s a shield. A suit of armor around the world. Like my suits kept me safe all those years, this will keep Earth safe,” Tony admitted. His tongue was always so loose around (Y/N), just like everyone else’s. She drew the truth out of people like painless magic, a fortune teller gazing into her crystal ball, yet not a whisper of want, however people always felt open around her. It was a blessing, and a curse.

  “That’s cool,” (Y/N) appreciated with a smile, her eyes now matching the same intensity of blue like her mother’s necklace. “It’s just so beautiful…” (Y/N) trailed off as she unknowingly reached her hand out to caress the electrifying light, a maddening compulsion pulling her into the orb’s gravitation, her eyes bright with endless curiosity and lustful desire…just like in Tony’s vision. He freaked out, instantly standing up, and shaking himself off, clearing away the projection of Ultron as he pulled (Y/N) up.

  “Don’t do that!” Tony lectured her, holding tight to her arms, his wide eyes full of genuine fear as his chest contracted in panic, a cold sweat trickling down his raised eyebrows that betrayed all the emotions he was normally so foreign to.

  “Don’t play the pronoun game, Tony,” (Y/N) mocked him, but then shook her head. “I’m sorry, that was-”

  “No, keep talking. Talk forever. Say what you want, just don’t…don’t get yourself killed-”

  “Whoa! That thing could’ve killed us?” (Y/N) interrupted and Tony just laughed nervously.

  “No! No, he is going to help us. Help you. Help Pepper and Bruce and Steve and…and everyone! It has to…it just does!…” Tony yelled and (Y/N) sat him down on the chair where Tony had helped her with her injections. She kneeled next to him, her luminous eyes full of concern as she placed her hand on his arm. Tony put his head in his hands. “Just don’t be too curious for your own damn good,” Tony muffled the order through his hands.

  “I’ll try…if you don’t steal my dog anymore,” (Y/N) joked and Tony peered up at her stunning smile.

  “That dog is my save in grace,” Tony admitted.

  “Mine too,” (Y/N) whispered. “But don’t tell Steve, he gets jealous.”

  “Right…” Tony nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Well, he’s not alone in that,” Tony muttered, then he shook his head and stood up. “I think we should get back to Barton. I can almost hear his complaints from here about ‘the thirst,’” Tony air-quoted.

  “Right…” (Y/N) mocked Tony. “Well, he’s not alone there.”

  “In that,” Tony corrected her and (Y/N) just rolled her eyes as they headed to serve Clint. The guy deserved it after getting sacked by a line-backer of a hit to the gut.


  Tony brought Bruce into the lab to finally show off his masterpiece: the unfinished symphony he declared, Ultron. With the tap of his tablet, the vortex of blue appeared just as it had for (Y/N), except Bruce was far more intellectual about it.

  “If you had to guess, what does it look like?” Tony asked, but Bruce was quick.

  “Like it’s thinking…I mean this could be…it’s not a human mind, but, I mean look at this,” Bruce motioned to Ultron, “they’re like neurons firing.”

  See. A galaxy? (Y/N) thought it was a fucking galaxy? Whatever.

  Tony and Bruce reached the conclusion that Strucker had been striving for artificial intelligence, and Tony decided to follow up on that idea…except not in a malicious, villainous way, like some people would peg him in the future, but he had good intentions behind everything. Really, he did.

  Tony begged Bruce to see his reasoning, desperately attempting to convince Bruce to help him build Ultron.

  “So, you’re going for artificial intelligence and you don’t want to tell the team?” Bruce asked in disbelief.

  “Right,” Tony asserted. “That’s right. You wanna know why? Because we don’t have time for a city-hall debate. I don’t want to hear that ‘man was not meant to meddle’ medley. I see a suit of armor around the world,” Tony professed passionately.

  “Sounds like a cold world, Tony,” Bruce contended. Tony’s face hardened.

  “I’ve seen colder,” Tony stated stoically. “I felt (Y/N)’s dead pulse. I watched her die, until…” Tony looked down, a small shiver ran down his spine at the memory. “Don’t tell me what a cold world would look like. I know.” Tony locked eyes with Bruce who nodded in understanding. “This one, this very vulnerable blue one? For the people like (Y/N). They need Ultron,” Tony proposed.

  “That’s a very small percentage of people,” Bruce chuckled quietly and Tony half-smiled, but quickly bucked up.

  “The point is, we need Ultron,” Tony concluded as he walked back to the projections. “Peace in our time….imagine that.”

  Well, Bruce did more than imagined that. The Science Bros joined forces and worked through hours and days of intense calculations and programming. Where (Y/N) used to be welcomed, she was shooed away with her dog, Bennie, in her small arms.

  “I may like dogs, but being treated like one is not a turn on,” (Y/N) stated at the the top of the stairs as she turned to leave.

  “Believe me, (Y/N),” Tony promised her, “it will all make sense soon enough.”

  Bruce just gave (Y/N) an apprehensive look, then continued with his work, so (Y/N) just sighed.

  “You were wrong, Tony,” (Y/N) joked. “You are the marriageable type. Can’t wait for your honeymoon, boys,” then, (Y/N) turned and went to find Steve to…cuddle.

  “She’s insane,” Bruce laughed as he dragged the screen in front of him to open a new tab.

  “Yeah, but at least she keeps things interesting,” Tony sighed.


  So, Tony’s party turned out to only really be a riot for (Y/N), her friend, Derek, and a few old war veterans, but we’ll get to that later.

  (Y/N) wasn’t really into Tony’s parties much. They were so uptight and champagne and formal attire and blech. Major yawn-fest for someone like (Y/N) who’s first drunken experience was in Scotland during and after a huge rugby match. Let’s just say she ended up stage diving from a pine tree…do you ever look back on your life and just think, ‘what the actual fuck was I thinking?’

  Anyway, so formal attire was a definite no-go. Too much wasted time picking the right everything and worrying about vagina mooning everyone, so….

  “(Y/N), what the hell are you wearing?” Tony asked her while he poured himself another glass of overpriced champagne.

  “Well, that’s rude,” (Y/N) stated, “this was an expensive shirt.”

  “I was talking about-”

  “Okay, it was only five dollars on clearance. I online shop when I’m hungover,” (Y/N) explained. “It’s a problem that I’ll probably never deal with.”

  “I know. You’ve sent me a life-sized model of Nicholas Cage, seven pounds of Captain Crunch, and a genie lamp,” Tony smirked, thinking of the many, many surprises sent to his doorstep over the year he had known (Y/N)…including the ones they both sent to himself…they were just sad people who enjoyed not being sad, okay?

  “Did it ever work?” (Y/N) asked excitedly, referring to the genie lamp.

  “Yeah, I finally got the pony my father never gave me for Christmas,” Tony declared.

  “Then, it was worth it,” (Y/N) proclaimed with a satisfied nod as she took her beer over to Natasha and Rhodey, Tony still on her tail because she was easily the most interesting person at his party, or ever. 

  “Hey, снежинка (snowflake)!” Natasha greeted, then looked down at (Y/N)’s pants. “Didn’t I get you a dress for your birthday?”

  “Yeah, thanks again!” (Y/N) thanked her, but the sweatpants were staying on.

  “I can’t believe you’re wearing sweatpants right now,” Tony laughed.

  “Okay, but let me ask you this: who out of all four of us is the most comfortable in the current time, of now? Huh?”

  “I’m exceptionally comfortable,” Tony shrugged. “This, young one, is a Brioni suit made by only the finest Italian craftsmanship known to man.”

  “I’m not wearing any underwear,” (Y/N) stated.

  “Who said I was?” Tony answered.

  “How much did that monkey suit cost exactly?” (Y/N) asked.

  “More than most of my exquisite, vintage cars that are just, muah,” Tony kissed his fingers like an Italian chef after he had just made the perfect plate of spaghetti.

  “What a waste,” (Y/N) cocked her head mockingly. “I know I’m still more comfortable than you. And these babies were free, because I stole them from Steve.”

  “You steal everything from Steve,” Tony contended.

  “Like you steal my dog?” (Y/N) retorted.

  “Bennie is the second love of my life. Why would you tear us apart like that, (Y/N)?” Tony fake cried.

  “Because we have been through so much together, and I refuse to allow your ho ass to end our relationship!” (Y/N) cried out dramatically. “I have principals, Tony. Prin-ci-pals!”

  “I couldn’t tell by your sweatpants,” Tony responded.

  “Steve’s sweatpants,” (Y/N) corrected.

  “Oh, my God! Stop!” Rhodey laughed, holding his stomach. “Seriously, Natasha. How do you deal with them?”

  “Ear plugs and a lot of martinis,” Natasha smirked.

  “Come on, Nat,” Tony pulled (Y/N) in for a side-hug. “Admit it, you love the hell out of us.”

  “I swear we’re normal,” (Y/N) whispered to Rhodey.

  “No, no you’re not,” Natasha acknowledged (Y/N). “And like Bruce said, sometimes, you two are so much better apart.”

  Then, (Y/N) started to sing, Just call me angel of the morning.

  And Tony followed up, Just touch my cheek before you leave me, and caressed (Y/N)’s cheek.

  And together, Ba-by!

  “You’re both idiots,” Clint stated as he walked past them with Dr. Cho.

  “And we’re not even drunk yet!” (Y/N) called out to him. 

  “Well, then let me know when the real party starts,” Clint winked at her.

  “I think you’ll know,” (Y/N) responded as Clint nodded to her in assent and continued walking with Dr. Cho. He knew drunk (Y/N). She was welcomed to any party ever. “Thank God for the end of chemotherapy. Now I shall celebrate. Profusely,” (Y/N) announced as she bowed like a samurai to the group, then left to find…eh, who cares. She was about to get drunk.

  Then, she found it. Emerald City at the end of the yellow brick road. The couch at the dick-end of a painfully long day. A Lush bath bomb that doesn’t get glitter up the asshole, but actually soothes the soul. Salvation. A complete accident, really though. (Y/N) saw the tiny, silver bottle inside Thor’s back pocket and she just couldn’t resist herself. (Y/N) had about the same amount of self-control as a cocaine addict in the middle of Colombia (luckily, cocaine was not on the menu in the restaurant called, (Y/N)’s life).

  If there was anything (Y/N) learned on the streets, it was pick-pocketing. Not only did it not help her then (morally), it didn’t help her now either (drunkenly). She slipped the Jesus juice from his pocket and sniffed the bottle and damn! Smelled like vanilla, Bailey’s, white wine, wildflowers, and ‘I’m gonna get fucked the fuck up.’ She tipped the bottle up to meet her lips just as Thor reached to his back pocket for it. Himself and Steve pivoted behind the couch to find (Y/N) staring into the dark pit of hell.

  “No!” Thor called and pulled back the bottle. (Y/N) just stared down at her hands while the world blurred slightly around her.

  “…well…if that wasn’t a chemical mixture of regret, I don’t know what is…” 

  It wasn’t even two minutes later that shit hit the fan. 


  “Not a damn thing, but never say never,” Natasha smized her green eyes at Bruce, knocking him almost dead, as she walked away from the bar where they had had one of the most sexual conversations Steve had seen since…last night with (Y/N). Cancer hadn’t changed a damn thing in that department.  

  “That’s nice,” Steve laughed as he approached a speechless Bruce.

 “What, what, what is?” Bruce stuttered, terrified at being caught with his dick up.

  “You and Romanoff,” Steve continued in amusement.

  “No, we haven’t…that wasn’t…”

  “It’s okay. Nobody’s breaking any by-laws,” Steve assured him, truly revealing that he was just an old man in a young, hot body. It seemed only (Y/N) shattered that glass. “It’s just…she’s not the most…open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed,” Steve complimented.

  “No, Natasha. She…she likes to flirt.”

  “Look, as maybe the world’s leading authority on waiting too long, don’t,” Steve advised. “I learned from my mistakes, and look at (Y/N) and I….” Steve and Bruce both turned to (Y/N) across the room. She was lying on the ground while a group of random party-goers threw grapes into her open mouth.

  “So, uh…what happened there?” Bruce asked in mild shock, because it was still (Y/N).

  “Thor brought his ‘Asgardian beverage’…strong stuff,” Steve explained.

  “Apparently,” Bruce observed.

  “Yeah…I thought about stopping her, but she deserves a night of…not thinking,” Steve stated sadly. Sometimes he felt that her cancer took more out of him than it did her.

  “Cancer…” Bruce shook his head. “I can’t believe she has cancer. Just look at her.”

  “Further, further!” (Y/N) yelled and waved back the guy holding the bowl of grapes. “You can do better than that, bitch! Okay, now one, two, three!” The guy got it in (Y/N)’s mouth, her tongue hanging out as she jumped up, cheering like a frat boy at Chico State while she ran around the group of twenty or so people, high-fiving their outstretched hands as they cheered her name. “I’ve finally made it, mom!” 

  “Never a dull moment,” Steve sighed into his drink that wasn’t doing a damn thing for him.


  An hour later, (Y/N) gained access to the music…Jarvis loved her too. And, obviously, she played the anthem to her entire life: “Fucked Up,” by Young Rising Sons. She controlled that damn room, dancing like nobody was watching her (because in her head, nobody was), singing and yelling the song (surprisingly on key despite her having no recollection of ever having opened her mouth), and the party loved it. Especially her team members who finally found the free bird they had been dying to see since her stroke with death.

  So tell me, who burnt you with their cigarette?

  Who spilled all that wine on your wedding dress?

  You’re so fucked up, but I love it

  You’re so obtuse, but I love it anyway

  Steve knew the song well. It was so…(Y/N). The damn song could’ve been written strictly about her. It described their relationship perfectly. Both had been through so much, completely screwed up in their own ways. However, by some act of mercy from the universe, they had found each other. And neither were letting go anytime soon.

  Unless the universe decided, “eh, this is getting boring. Time to fuck shit up.’ Which, honestly, nobody would be too surprised about due to their track record of having, literally the worst luck ever. The leprechauns were dead…or out drunk off their asses like (Y/N) was.

  In the middle of the song, (Y/N) noticed Steve’s bright blue shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, a beautiful smile gracing his lips while he watched her dance through the crowd of people. (Y/N) matched that smile and grabbed his arm, making him spill his drink everywhere, but neither really cared. Steve had grown to free himself around (Y/N). She just made everything so much easier. Everything. The crazy in her just seemed to spread through anyone she was around, and most of the time, it was for the better. 

  But, don’t worry. There was plenty of bad to balance that out too.

  The rest of the night was basically run by (Y/N) who swing danced to Johnny B. Good, by Elvis Presley with Steve (who were both ridiculously good due to the fact that they danced at home all the time and their super speed), led a drinking competition between Clint and three other people (she won), attempted to jack one of Tony’s Iron Man suits with her old friend Derek (but they got caught by Natasha and (Y/N)’s only response was, “We just wanted to go to CVS and pick up more toothpaste. I just realized I’m out”), and started a pillow fight with three of the wasted war veterans. It was an eventful night. 

  But, eventually, everyone left (or were thrown out because they were too drunk to find the elevator). All that remained was (Y/N), Tony, Steve, Sam, Clint, Natasha, Thor, Rhodey, Dr. Cho, and Maria (okay, that was actually a lot. Bad narration). They were all gathered on the couch where (Y/N) had a lot to say…but when did she not?

  “Alright everybody…I got an awesome game, that sprung from my memory, like, ‘hey! Remember me!’” (Y/N) started, her legs up on Steve’s lap while her head leaned lazily against Thor’s large bicep. “I used to do this constantly in Australia, you know, the place where literally anything can kill you. So, just for future reference, don’t get drunk there. You will die.”

  “Then, how did you survive such a horrendous place?” Thor asked, smiling down at the adorable girl beside him.

  “Snake bite kit and a guy that was basically Crocodile Hunter Part Dos. So, shoutout to Dingo….that wasn’t his real name, by the way. Just throwin’ that tidbit out there for anyone who’s confused,” (Y/N) explained.

  “Thanks, (Y/N). We all needed that extra little tidbit,” Clint laughed as (Y/N) saluted him.

  “S'okay…the game goes like this. Half the friend circle of life gets drunk off their asses. Exhibit A,” (Y/N) motioned to herself, “while the other half stay sober and ask whatever questions pop into their non-drunk minds, because, well, it’s funny as hell. Obviously, I already skipped steps A-infinity and beyond, so, thank you, and you’re all welcome,” (Y/N) attempted to pat herself on the back, but ended up just patting Thor’s arm again. “Seriously, how many steroids to you take with your morning coffee?”

  “What are steroids?”

  “Mini pizzas for your Ferrari, created in 1981 by Sir Mix A Lot Jr. the Fourth,” (Y/N) answered immediately. She thought Tony was going to die of laughter.

  “I am confused by your words, Lady (Y/N),” Thor looked quizically at her.

  “Yeah, who isn’t. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. The point is, I took one for the team. S’a good time for evrybodyyy…” (Y/N) slurred. “So, what questions y’all got for moi?” 

 “Alright, I got one,” Clint started excitedly, having never seen (Y/N) drunk when he was sober. “What would you do if you were a bird?”

 “Oh, fuck,” (Y/N) put her head in her hands. “Gettin’ all philosophical on me, why don’t you? Dear God…uh……….give me a hot minute here……”

 “I think she’s finally lost it,” Maria whispered just as (Y/N) clapped her hands together.

 “I got it! Sorry, I just had to high-five myself because it’s so good, man! Okay, so, you know what I’d do? I’d fly down, yeah that’s right fly. Not like one of those useless, fucking birds that don’t fly, like what are you? Why are you even here? You are absolutely useless. Just bury your head in the sand like a little bitch, ostrich. Useless,” (Y/N) ranted. “No, I’d fly my ass over Hydra…and just shit everywhere. On the buildings, on the guard’s heads, and they’d look up and be like, ‘oh, my God. It’s, like, a message from the gods! I’m a shitty person.’ Then, they’d, like, stop torturing people, and we could all sing kumbayah, and roast s’mores or something…” (Y/N) shrugged. She had the team wrecked.

 “How soon can we make this happen? Turn (Y/N) into a bird?” Clint roared in laughter.

 “I already am a bird, Clint,” (Y/N) shook her head and turned to Steve with a hopeful look on her face.”If you’re a bird, then I’m a bird,” (Y/N) whispered dramatically, alcohol lacing her tongue. Now, she had the ball rolling. Questions were thrown at her from all angles and she answered all of them in better answers than anyone could’ve ever hoped for.

 “Any advice on how to ask someone for sex?” Natasha wiggled her eyebrow.

 “Wow, real subtle-like, Nat,” (Y/N) finger gunned at her and Bruce, then shrugged. “Whatever…I’ll answer anyway. Like, Steve, I can answer, right? No, wait! Ha! I don’t need your goddamn approval! This isn’t the 1940′s. I can vote. Feminism,” (Y/N) prolonged in a whisper, then returned to her normal drunk voice. “Alrrrighttta-ta-ta-ta, like if you see someone you’re diggin’ across the room, possibly with big ta-ta’s depending on your gender of preference. I’m not here to judge. Do I look like someone who could judge you?” (Y/N) paused and shook her head with a drunk face (and if you don’t know what that is, congratulations). “Hell to the no. Okay, so you could go like this: the non-verbal approach.” (Y/N) turned to Steve and tried to put her finger between the hole she made in her other hand, but she was too drunk. “You know what I mean,” (Y/N) shook her head at her roaring team.

 “Okay, so you also implied that there’s a verbal approach, then,” Tony encouraged her.

 “Uh….yeah…?” (Y/N) wrinkled her nose in thought, then turned to Steve again. “You could go really, really, really inconspicuous and be like, ‘hey, you wanna make a baby?’ You know, real inconspicuous-like,” (Y/N) nodded proudly, but then her face dropped and she put her head back in her hands. “No, wait. That’s bad advertising. You want a one-night stand? Baby’s are, like, commitment and….” (Y/N) trailed off as her drunken tongue led her to the root of one of her biggest problems.

 “Hey,” Steve whispered to her as he brushed the wisps of hair from her face, “what’s wrong?”

 But (Y/N) shot up with a smile on her face.

 “Next?” she called out.

  “If you could go back in time again, where would you go?” Bruce asked.

  “Woodstock, 1969. Bring it on,”(Y/N) motioned with her hands, beckoning on more questions.

  “What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever had?” Maria asked and (Y/N) burst out laughing.

  “Dude, where do I even start?!” (Y/N) waved her hands at her. “Okay, let’s see. I played Ariel at Disneyland for a week….uh, I worked as a mermaid in Japan…”

  “I’m sorry, you what?” Steve laughed.

  “I worked as a mermaid in Japan!” (Y/N) yelled in his face.

  “No, it’s just…that’s not….just please explain yourself,” Bruce stuttered in laughter.

  “Uh, there was an aquarium, they gave me a tail, I swam around, got paid, and yeah. A fucking mermaid. Am I speaking Japanese here? Christ,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. “I did a Burlesque show once, modeled for McDonalds in Sweden, was an indoor skydiving instructor in California, helped train search and rescue dogs in Switzerland where I also milked goats for a while….uh….shit, I don’t know….one of those probably satisfied the question…that I don’t even remember anymore…”

  “That’s it. You and I need to travel together,” Tony announced.

  “I’m in on that,” Natasha volunteered.

  Suddenly, the conversation took a twist where everyone fought over who would get to travel with (Y/N) first or where they would go and, blah, blah, blah, but (Y/N) didn’t care. She stood up and walked curiously over to Thor’s hammer and just stared at it.

  “(Y/N)….having an internal crisis over there?” Tony asked.

  “This is bullshit,” (Y/N) stated bluntly to Thor. “You’re hammer, it’s bullshit.”

  “I agree,” Clint twirled the two drumsticks in his hands. “It’s a trick!”

  “Oh, no,” Thor laughed heartily. “It’s much more than that.”

  “Uh, ‘Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!” Clint taunted. “Whatever man, it’s a trick.”

  “Well, please. Be my guest,” Thor offered confidently.

  “Really?” Clint asked him.

  “Put your money where your mouth is, Keith Moon,” (Y/N) chided him, while she went and sat in Steve’s lap, his arms wrapping around her.

  “Fine,” Clint cocked his head and put his drum sticks down as he stood up and approached Mjolnir. “And, by the way, I love that you know who Keith Moon is, (Y/N),” Clint appreciated her.

  “I would’ve called you Neil Peart, but I guess we’ll see if you shall haveth the power,” (Y/N) chided him.

  “Ooh, this should be beautiful,” Rhodey smirked.

  “Clint, you’ve had a tough week, we won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up,” Tony taunted him while he poured himself more alcohol.

  “Wow, a dick joke. And I thought I hit the bottom of the barrel, Tony,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

  “Did you hear yourself a few minutes ago, (Y/N). You did hit the bottom of the barrel,” Tony retorted.

  “Hey, would you two shut up,” Clint sighed in theatrical exasperation. “I’m having my ‘sword in the stone’ moment here.”

  “Then haveth it,” (Y/N) waved him to continue.

  “Many-a-thank yous to the lovely lady down in front,” Clint proposed as he took Mjolnir’s handle. “You know I’ve seen this before, right?” Clint taunted Thor as he attempted his lift with a small grunt, then laughed. “I still don’t know how you do it,” he shook his head.

  “Smell the silent judgement?” Tony smirked up at him.

  “Please, Stark, by all means!” Clint motioned to Tony who put his drink down and stood up, straightening his suit while everyone oohed.

  “Never one to shrink from an honest challenge,” Tony stated.

  “Hey, don’t tear your suit. I heard it’s made with all natural fibers,” (Y/N) mocked him.

  “I have three more in my closet, but thanks for the concern, (Y/N),” Tony winked at her while she just rolled her eyes. He pulled the strap of Mjolnir onto his wrist. “It’s physics,” Tony hypothesized. “So, if I lift it, then I rule Asgard, right?” 

  “Yes, of course” Thor assented, leaning back in his chair with the smuggest goddamn smile on his face.

  “I will be re-instituting the Prima Noctra,” Tony joked. Then, he pulled up on Mjolnir, one foot firmly placed on the table for leverage, with a small grunt of his own, but nothing happened.

  “Ooh, consider us all impressed,” (Y/N) teased him.

  “I’m not done yet. Be right back,” he walked off to his lab, and came back with his Iron Man hand a minute later.

  “Guess you’re going for the hand job, then,” (Y/N) stated and Tony narrowed his eyebrows at her. “Oh, my God, (Y/N)! You’re such a hypocrite. Gosh, it’s like I can read minds!”

  “Just watch and learn,” Tony advocated as he grasped his hand firmly around the handle and pulled, jets flaring. It wasn’t more than two minutes later that he forced Rhodey to join him. 

  “Are you even pulling?” Rhodey asked breathlessly.

  “Are you on my team?” Tony asked him back.

  “Just represent! Hold!” Rhodey ordered.

  “All right, let’s go,” Tony amended. They both, inevitably, failed. 

  “Well, Tony. Today, I learned that blowies are, in fact, better than handies,” (Y/N) disclosed.

  “You’re an ass,” Tony shook his head at her while he motioned Bruce up and after several minutes of convincing, he gave in to the peer pressure.

  “Urgh!” Bruce yelled, heaving his whole body up, tension clear in his neck and forehead, until he stepped back, hands up like his counterpart. Everybody just raised their eyebrows at him silently. “No?” 

  “That would’ve been so much cooler if the Jolly Green Giant came and crashed the party,” (Y/N) shook her head disappointingly.

  “No, (Y/N). No,” Steve shook his head at her.

  “Fine, Captain America, God’s Righteous Man” Tony taunted“Looking a bit too comfortable over there, shacked up with (Y/N). You show us how it’s done,” Tony shot at him and Steve just laughed, lifting (Y/N) easily off of his lap, placing her in the empty space beside Maria.

  “Kill em’, Steve!” (Y/N) yelled and whooped for him, pumping her fist in the air while he just laughed and rolled up his sleeves.

  “Come on, Cap!” Sam joined (Y/N) at the same intensity. Steve smiled, then heaved on Mjolnir, a slight creak barely making a whisper of a sound echoed through the silent room. But it did creak. Thor’s face fell like an old lady in a “Life Alert” infomercial. But, he quickly recovered when Steve held up his hands.

  “Ha, nothing!” Thor laughed breathily as he took a bit too large sip of his ‘beverage.’ Steve pulled (Y/N) onto his lap again and she smiled coyly at him.

  “I saw it,” (Y/N) whispered, still slightly drunk, to him.

  “Saw what?” he whispered back in amusement.

  “It moved,” (Y/N) laughed quietly. “You could rule Asgard now. I suggest a holiday that just celebrates the existence of Stevie Nicks.”

  “I love you,” Steve laughed as he kissed her.

  “Hey, Juliet!” Tony called out, but (Y/N) waved him off. “Oh, wherefore thou art Romeo, but sucking face with dear Juliet.”

  “Oh, and dear Mercutio. Might I quarrel and jab a sword up thy ass?” (Y/N) retorted, breaking everyone into fits of laughter.

  “Only if you may haveth the power,” Tony motioned for (Y/N) to try, himself the only one immune to her comments.

  “Oh, like that’s a good idea…right now,” (Y/N) huffed. “I mean, on a scale of one to Charlie Sheen, I’m feeling a good Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars, right now.”

  “Fucking hell, (Y/N),” Clint laughed with everyone else. “I think right now would actually be the perfect time for this.”

  (Y/N) thought about it for a moment. 

  “You know what? You’re absolutely right, Clint,” (Y/N) nodded to him and patted Steve’s arm who released her quite unhappily, but wasn’t disappointed by her performance, nonetheless. She pranced her way up to Mjolnir. “Hold the applause, peasants. Because the queen has entered the ring,” (Y/N) announced, squaring her hips to the hammer while she grasped her hands to the handle. “Oh, my God. This is, like, a giant dildo,” (Y/N) wiggled her eyebrows. “Oh, man! I did it twice! Ha, ha!” (Y/N) pointed to Tony who just bit his thumb at her with a smirk. “Okay, hold up,” (Y/N) raised her hands and clapped her hands. “That was amazing. You deserve a slow clap for that reference.” Tony stood up and bowed as she readied herself. Then, she pulled, all of her weight sinking her…sinking her……sinking her, until she looked up at her arms. She was in a center split.

  “Now, this, Tony, this is rock bottom,” (Y/N) stated. The team couldn’t even handle themselves as Thor stood from his chair to help (Y/N).

  “Do you need help, m’lady?” Thor asked, squatting down next to her.

  “Nope…” (Y/N) tried, but it was no use. “Ah, fuck. Yeah,” (Y/N) nodded to him who laughed while he helped her up and she patted his arm. “You know, Loki might be the funny one, but, man, you’ve got a real fucking heart of gold,” (Y/N) drunkenly commended him.

  “Thank you?” Thor questioned while the team just laughed.

  “Welp, I’m out,” (Y/N) threw her arms up and headed for the elevator.

  “Hey! Where are you going?” Sam called to her.

  “I don’t know. I just want to eat…everything. All the things of the kitchen. Yep, I’ve reached that stage of drunk,” (Y/N) explained while she leaned against the button.

  “Need company?” Natasha asked, red lips smirking through her martini glass.

  “Nah, believe me. You don’t wanna know what the hell my drunk brain will create. Probably something deserving of a toxic waste dumping zone, but,” (Y/N) raised her hands and shrugged her shoulders as she walked into the elevator, “I guess we’ll see if I make it back here without three heads and a tail,” then, she winked (well, as best as her cloudy mind would allow) as the elevator doors close.

 “If she’s not back here in five minutes, I’ll check on her,” Tony stated to Steve who made a cheers motion, and they both drank.


 The challenge to lift Thor’s hammer continued until…whir…a sharp, high-pitched, metallic whistle, almost like nails on a chalkboard, echoes=d through the room, causing everyone to shudder, and some to even cover their ears in agony. They all turned around to find a disintegrating robot, black wires hanging loosely like the veins of an extremely dedicated smoker from it’s silver, metallic skeleton. as it murmured to itself in guttural tones.

 “No…” the robot trailed off as it turned it’s broken body towards the group, “How could you be worthy? You’re all killers.”

 “Stark?” Steve asked, his whole body tingling, preparing for battle.

 “Jarvis?” Tony asked the device in his hand, but nothing responded.

 “I’m sorry, I was asleep,” The robot continued, “Hm…there was a dream. There was a terrible noise…and I was tangled in them. Hm…such dreams…I killed the other one. They were good.”

 “You killed someone?” Steve asked.

 “(Y/N)…” Natasha whispered and everyone froze as the chilling possibility snaked down their spines, clutching at their hearts in horrible fear.

 “Wouldn’t have been my first call, but down in the real world, we are faced with ugly choices.”

 “Who sent you?” Thor asked.

 “I see a suit of armor around the world,” The robot played back the recording of Tony talking to Bruce in the lab. So, words can hurt you.

 “Ultron,” Bruce realized, looking over to Tony as Ultron jolted his head up.

 “In the flesh, or no. Not yet. Not this Christmas, but I’m ready. I’m on a mission,” Ultron announced as Bruce made his way towards the elevator to find (Y/N), nodding to Steve and Tony who nodded back. Bruce would find her. He would…

 “What mission?” Maria asked.

 “Peace in our time,” Ultron quoted Tony. Suddenly, three Iron Legion robots ripped through the wall behind Ultron and attacked The Avengers, knocking Maria to the ground as she shot her gun, quite ineffectively, at them (can’t blame a girl for trying, right?). Steve kicked up the coffee table at one of the robots, knocking himself to the floor below in an explosion of glass just as Tony was smashed into two fully-sized bookcases. The pounds upon pound of books rained down on his body, almost burying him in literal knowledge (that was a bad pun. Blame Scott Fitzgerald’s metaphor in The Great Gatsby).


 Then, there was (Y/N). She strolled off of the elevator and opened the fridge, contemplating her snack.

 “Cold pizza or leftover chow mein? Italian or Chinese….?”


 Down below, Rhodey was blasted in the face by one of the Iron Legion’s thrusters. He gasped in shock as his airborne body smashed through one of the windows, glass cascading over him as he fell a full tower-level lower, miraculously not breaking a bone in his body. A bloody miracle. He groaned in pain as he pulled a few shards of glass out of his arm, then shook it off and began to climb the stairs again like a fucking champ.


 It was a tough call, but (Y/N) had finally made her decision: “Why choose one, when you can have both?” And she poured the Chow Mein noodles and orange chicken onto the plain, cheese pizza, and ate it. All of it.

 “Drunk kitchen, more like drunk ‘this shit is bitchin’’!” (Y/N) celebrated herself and enjoyed what she believed to be the best creation in human, animal kingdom, and Asgardian alien history, combined.


 Thor hammered the fuck out of one of the robots (not hammered, like (Y/N) hammered, but like, Mjolnir hammered), just as Clint slid under one of the desks, pissed that he didn’t bring his bow and arrow to the party. Honestly, he brought that thing everywhere with him. Even when him and (Y/N) went down to the bar down the street together.

 “You never know what could happen. I’ve been attacked anywhere and everywhere. Even a port-o-potty once.”

 “That is the absolute, worst possible place to be attacked,” (Y/N) gasped and laughed.

 “You’re telling me. I lived through that shit. I mean, literally…you know what, forget it,” he shook his head in utter consternation at the crappy memory.


 Bruce waited in the elevator, foot tapping ceaselessly through his anxiety as the lounge floor number finally appeared with a ding! And just as Bruce stepped into the floor, the second elevator doors closed (Y/N) in while she drank the last of Clint’s beloved beer. She would definitely pay for that later. But, she was so drunk, the thought didn’t even cross her mind as she giggled at her distorted reflection in the silver elevator doors that made her look extremely tall and skinny.

 “Ha! I’m, like, an anorexic giraffe,” (Y/N) laughed to herself as she started to hiccup.


  Steve catapulted from the ground, grasping one of the robot’s by the neck while he punched the thing…well, that worked (no, no it didn’t), until the robot thrusted backwards, forcing Steve into the glass wall, shattering the pieces everywhere as he thrown down onto the bar stools below.

  Tony was next up to bat. He sprinted along the loft, launching himself from the railing to his robot’s back, like Steve, except he actually had a plan. Tony began to tamper with the robot’s wires, disengaging it from the fight while Thor threw another robot through the balcony window below. 

  “Stark!” Steve yelled, his mind still racing for (Y/N) just as a robot caught him in a choke hold.

  “Just a minute!” Tony yelled back, jamming the tool into the robot’s neck, shutting the thing down as it fell, with Tony to the staircase below with a thump! And, yes, yes he did regret everything in that moment, literally faced with the floor. 

  ‘No, (Y/N). This is rock bottom,’ Tony thought to himself. Oh, God, (Y/N). He scrambled from the floor, heading back into the battle in his living room just as Steve tossed Thor the upper-body of one of the robots, who smashed that thing like The Hulk who was gladly welcomed and definitely invited to that party.


  “Hey, do you know what floor I’m on?” (Y/N) asked the lion statue three floors down from where the after party was going full-force. However and obviously, she wouldn’t have been much help anyway. (Y/N) stared, completely pissed at the golden statuette that wouldn’t respond to her. 

  “Answer me, Simba!” (Y/N) yelled at it, then she gasped in realization and covered her face with one of her hands while she laughed. 

  “Oh, my God! I’m so stupid! Lions don’t talk,” (Y/N) shook her head and made her way back into the elevator, pointing at her reflection again.

  “I’m like a piece of laffy taffy on crack.”


   Three floors, now two floors up…

  “Cap!” Clint called out and frisbeed Steve’s shield to Steve who, in mid-fucking-air caught the thing and discussed it at the final Iron Legion member in a shower of sparks and metallic pieces. No, he deserves a gold medal because *applause* damn.

  “That was dramatic,” Ultron stated, devoid of emotion…wait, can robots have emotion? Oh, my gosh. Maybe I’m drunk?

  Tony sat down, heaving as he pulled glass from his leg, hoping against all hope that Bruce found (Y/N) in no other condition than flat-out drunk.

  “I’m sorry,” Ultron announced (so, he can feel emotion….?). “I’m sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn’t think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want to change. How is humanity saved if it’s not allowed to…evolve?” Ultron picked up one of the Iron Legions dramatically, “These puppets?” He asked while he popped that fucker’s head clean off. “There’s only one path to peace: The Avengers’ extinction.”

  Well, Thor had had enough of that. He launched Mjolnir at, and through, Ultron, smashing his own puppet-ass into tiny metallic pieces as Mjolnir returned to Thor’s grasp. Silence.

  “I have strings, but now I’m free…” Ultron droned on in monotone as the oil, like blood, seeped from his head, dousing the black tile in his lost lifeline.

  Then, there was (Y/N). She walked in, rubbing her eyes, to find the robot dying, moaning out his last song like, “Tiptoe Through the Tulips,” from Insidious. (Y/N) just stared at the thing, taking in what she thought was a hallucination while the team watched her in shock, waiting for her response.

  “I’m so drunk,” she breathed out and buried her face in her hands while everyone breathed a sigh of relief and laughed. Steve raced up to (Y/N) and lifted her from the ground while she squeaked in surprise.

  “What’s happening? Something’s happening? Did I score a touchdown?” (Y/N) asked quickly while Steve brought her down and kissed her forehead.

  “No, you little punk,” Tony stated. “You just scared the hell out of us,” he laughed as he took her hand. 

  “Yeah, well what else is new?” (Y/N) slurred slightly and smiled, drunk face clear in her smile just as Bruce busted into the lounge in a panic.

  “I can’t find her! I can’t-” Bruce stopped, when he saw (Y/N) peek out from behind Steve and wave a limp hand at him, laughing her ass off.

  “You’re all sweaty,” (Y/N) pointed at him as she hunched over in laughter and Steve held her up. He just stared in shock while Natasha rubbed his arm comfortingly.

  “She shocked us too,” Natasha nodded and Bruce slowly broke out of it.

  “Yeah, well here’s something else! Tony knows this! I’m gonna pass out here in like a few minutes, so…just…” 

  A few minutes, a few seconds. What’s the difference right?


*follow and like for more*

*I got really lazy with this one, so please forgive me. Writer’s block is a killer disease. I think the next chapter will be better (crosses fingers)*

MASTERLIST (Part 1)  |  MASTERLIST (Part 2)  |  chapter 1

a bucky & wanda friendship would be great, but have you considered this: how scared bucky would be of wanda. how scared he’d be that she would look into his brain, that she’d control him like hydra did. how terrified bucky would be that she’d use her powers against him, especially after he finds out what she did to the avengers when she worked for ultron, how she used their memories against them, and just how much it would hurt bucky.