the honker burger

Never forget how Disney ruined Doug by slapping on a bunch of arbitrary bullshit changes:

• The Beets broke up
• Honker Burger closed
• Roger got rich
• Connie got a more “normal” body type
• Doug became Porkchop’s pet
• Skeeter’s safeword changed from “honk honk” to “eebeedeebee”
• The town was named Doug
• “Patti Mayonnaise Memorial Swimming Pool” WTF!
• Mayor White became part of Doug’s circle of friends
• Sex moans in the theme song
• Everyone could see Doug’s imagination sequences happen in reality
• 9/11 predictions got a lot less subtle
• Mr. Dink calmed down
• Judy Funnie became a baby
• Mr. Bone lived in Doug’s walls
• Doug’s voice actor was replaced by Sir Michael Caine
• Every episode was 4 hours long
• Every character was nude with grotesquely long, muscular torsos
• Roger always dropped a gun on the floor in every scene
• Doug turned twelve 
• Every episode ended with Doug’s parents dying

Prepare for a walk down memory lane…

I love villains. And this one right here holds a special place in my heart. He’s part of my childhood, and someone I watched for years on TV growing up. It’s none other than Roger Klotz, Bluffington’s local hooligan and school bully.

Ever since that fateful day at Honker Burger when Doug Funnie accidentally spilled Ketchup on Roger’s sweet black boots, Doug and Roger became arch rivals. And you don’t want to cross Roger, because he’ll spend years tormenting you. Plus he flunked 6th grade 3 times and has a jerkoff cat named Stinky (appropriately arch rivals of Doug’s dog Porkchop). What’s not to love about a guy like that?!?

Disney acquired “Doug” in 1996, where I continued watching the amazing Roger in action, every Saturday morning on ABC Kids. So this means it’s Disney, and yes, I can Disneybound it!

March Disneybound Challenge, Day 30: Roger Klotz

July 17th 2014