hey big sis, I saw your tags on that hallelujah post and they Resonated with me??? And I was curious if you'd be willing to expound bc I Too am struggling with my faith rn and everywhere I turn I keep getting the message that I'm Wrong And Bad (and as usual, God keeps leaving me on read). (Public or private is fine, whatever you're comfortable with)
hello, turtledove! i am happy to talk a little about this, although i should preface with i am big time not a theologian, and don’t have any answers for like, most of the questions i’m posing here.
also, please understand that i come from a christian upbringing, so obviously i’ve been really shaped by that; for example, i’m going to use the “he/him” pronoun for god even though god is nonbinary. “him” is just how i was raised thinking about it and i truly believe that god dgaf about what pronouns we assign them to suit our linguistic norms. but as far as i am concerned, in an extremely literal way god does not have a gender or a sex, because god is god.
anyway, i’m in a kind of transitional space in what i think my faith is. i was raised kind of half-heartedly catholic, and then i chose to become episcopalian, and then, after a while, i wasn’t anything. i was extremely, “idk & idc” about the notion of whether god existed. i think i have always felt that probably there was Something Out There, but i just haven’t really been concerned with what it was.
and then, a few weeks ago, i suddenly missed god so much that it felt – grounding. i was ugly crying for like 45 minutes in my apartment, but like, in a very weird way, the intensity and specificity with which i missed god felt really clarifying with regard to the question of belief.
i do. i do believe in god. i believe in a god who cares about us and loves us and has a plan for us.
that’s about where the clarity stops.
my problem is that i am by nature an intellectual person, which means for all this stuff my first stop is to read. but religious books are hard, and full of things that i reject; it’s not a question of belief, actually. 2 timothy, for example, has a few verses that are like, “don’t let women be teachers, bc women are the Worst.”
my problem isn’t that i don’t believe that’s true (although i don’t); my problem is that i fundamentally reject any god or any belief system which does believe it. like … if i die and it turns out 2 timothy was correct, and god is like, “WOMEN AMIRITE!!!” i genuinely will face him and walk backwards into hell about it. i’d rather spend eternity having my eyeballs plucked out by birds than spend eternity in heaven with that asshole.
this has kind of been the impasse for me and god, for the past few years. we keep reaching this place where i’m like, “okay! you’re real. can you just clear up some stuff for me about your feelings on some stuff.” and god’s like, “[READ 7:15PM].”
recently, though, since CryingGate2k18, i’ve kind of felt like i’m getting different answers, in that dumb goopy way religious people talk about “getting answers.” i can’t really point you to scripture and i can’t really say anything except that this is how i ~feel about it, but it does genuinely feel like, for the first time, god is finding ways to answer me, and he is saying:
he created the whole entire universe and put you in it, on purpose.
god finds you where you are, in whatever faith you’re in, including no faith. god isn’t a set of verses that you memorize and put on a protest sign – he is that thing that you feel connected to, whatever it is. whether it’s through religious faith or an atheistic connection to other people, it doesn’t matter. people are the ones who put walls between us and god and call them churches.
at the end of the day, texts aren’t god. my problems with the bible (for example) are problems with the bible, not with god. it is easy to conflate the two, but they aren’t the same.
the only person who knows what god is saying to me is me. the only one who knows what god is saying to you is you.
everything that god made, he made with intention and with love. he didn’t make you to suffer. he didn’t make you not to be loved. any religion that tells you that you are Wrong and Bad is not speaking with the voice of god.
that’s it. that’s all i got. i told you it was messy & incomplete, but i hope it helps!
Hey Fannibals. So I know I’ve been slow with this… I tried to post while I was at the Con but Tumblr is THE WORST so I basically just posted to twitter. If anyone wants, you can find me on there at @MyDesignHanibl.
Short story… @fannibalfest-toronto was INCREDIBLE! But so much happened I’m not sure how to go about recounting it all to you, but I wanted to post some stuff, because I know what it feels like to be stuck at home during a Con (ahem… RDC3) and be dying for info :P
I’m going to start with the first tour in this post! One of the most amazing things about FFT is that we’re able to visit some amazing shooting locations. As a Toronto based Fannibal, even I love these tours, because we get into places that I can’t even get into living right here!
The house turns out to be like, 5 mins from the house I grew up in! Super weird. It’s adorable and utterly perfect for Will! The owners are the sweetest people who really liked us and welcomed us. I don’t care that we got here last year too, I could go here every single day… every day forever!!
Angel Maker Barn and Will’s Shed (same property!)
Look at this great photo on the shelf of Wills house!
The Bondage/Beloved Tree!
This speaks for itself ;P we all took turns tying ourself to it and imagining one of the best moments in the show… 😍
The Wrath of The Lamb House
Such a highlight again :) So much fun to sacrifice myself as The Dragon for Hannibal and Will 😆( @apoptoses and @redfivewritingby ) Absolutely great house, and the owner told me that they were even thinking of turning it into an AirBnb type rental someday! Fannibal Retreat anyone???!!!
Stay tuned for more FFT2 recaps… I don’t want these posts to get too long :P
I watched First Man tonight and it was pretty bleh.
The movie didn’t know if it wanted to be a biopic about Neil Armstrong’s life or a things-go-wrong-in-space thriller adventure like Gravity or The Martian. It fast-forwarded through a decade of his life, not letting the characters react to nearly anything going on, and spent way too long on his missions, which weren’t exciting enough to carry the movie on their own.
It did the worst disservice to Neil’s character, who is the blandest most emotionally empty character I’ve seen in a while. His only emotion throughout the movie is grief for his dead daughter. And he carries that emotion for 7 fucking years straight, apparently, because he never expresses anything but grief and a dispassionate desire to do good at his job throughout the entire film.
All of the interesting bits are pushed aside: the historical background of the Space Race, the lives of the other much more charismatic NASA astronauts, the other Gemini and Apollo missions and the progress that NASA made, the relationship between Neil and his family, and his history of how he became the man he was. All of them get nary a mention. Things I would’ve much rather seen than a long faithful recreation of the Apollo 11 landing I could see on the History Channel.
I would give the movie this: Some of the shots were beautiful and the cinematography was great. But only the space bits. The Earth bits are shot in excessive and boring closeups.
agust d: raw. having your organs ripped out of your chest. having to re-teach yourself how to breathe. pure pain, but in the way that it feels like a release. getting the worst over with. releasing all your anger and suffering in one big explosive burst that leaves you aching, but on the road to being healed.
hope world: encouraging. the reassuring knowledge that there are people who are just intrinsically kind. seeing that there are people who feel pain but still radiate pure sunlight, who channel their efforts into lifting other people up. warm, like the first day of real spring after a long cold winter. smiling because you, for a moment, forget everything bad in the world and yourself.
mono.: vulnerable. open. trusted. like you are privy to the inside of someone’s mind. not alone. understood. the life-altering realization that there are things wrong with the world, and there are things wrong with yourself, but only one of those is something you have control over. catharsis. the ability to transform pain or doubt or disappointment into progress.
Please do share your opinion about the songs! I would love to know what you think!!
All of them were vry beautiful and empowering (not just lyrics, but music as well), more like prayers in disguise than just songs (or are ALL songs actual prayers in disguise, hmm..). The girls in the “Breakup with fear” video deserve huge amount of respect… The first step toward any kind of bettering is the will to be better - that’s why, never allow self to lose all or drop all, no matter the grief. You need that little something to keep your fire burning, to dig self out of the worst, until help arrives…
One thing that I find funniest about Detective Conan is that it seems like murder is EVERYONE'S first solution. The worst example I've seen was when this one lady who acts like a bitch to her roomies got killed because she wouldn't stop tap dancing. THEY COULD HAVE EASILY KICKED HER OUT. Especially since it's stated she doesn't even pay rent.
asdfghjkl; DC/MK does its best to use realistic murder scenarios and locations and such but I guess after 20 years you can only come up with so many reasons for murder. Its so ridiculous and is honestly part of the charm of the series, you shake your head at it even as you beg for more.
Also, the real reason Japan is pushing for people to have more babies is because of the insane amount of citizens being murdered/in jail for murder and it needs to boom their population. Aoyama was trying to warn us, wake up sheeple
Ya know seeing that that flaming red headed guy (the one in your header I think) is absolutely shredded is one of the most disorienting things I’ve ever seen. The first time I saw him he just looked like some regular ass dude in his raglan shirt or whatever and I’m like “who’s this chump” and then I see pictures of him shirtless and he’s just ripped as hell and I’m suddenly like whose....... mans is this.......
shirou is so. weird like, when he wears clothing he looks like a fucking twink chump but once he remove his shirt for the cgs he’s just absolutely ripped. i love him and he’s my favorite human character in fate but god if the contrast doesn’t disorient me
Please read from right to left, I forgot that it should be the other way around *hides* God, finally… I work on this since the last chapter came out because I couldn’t get it out of my head that He Tian’s worst fear is probably to lose somebody he loves and sometimes, he has nightmares from it. And if it happens when Guanshan is around… Hm… *tilts head to the side*
6 pages of hand and brain cramps. *laughs* I put so much effort into this, I cried two times. I’ve got to practice, learning by doing… or something like this. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading it! <3
hey there mileven readers, it’s me, ya girl savannah. the lovely @thecakegoesmeow requested Mike and Eleven hanging out in the cabin and Mike seeing El’s amazing curls for the first time. I hope it’s everything you wanted! (ao3 link)
“What’s going on in there?” Chief Jim Hopper shouted, for the fifth time- and yes, he was counting. He stood outside the bathroom door, conveniently locked, knocking again. “Come on, kiddo it’s been like an hour.”
“20 minutes!” she yelled from behind the locked door.
Hopper looked around to show the empty room the confusion on his face. “What?” he shouted back.
“You said an hour!” he heard her yell again, “it’s only be twenty minutes.”
“It’s called an exaggeration, El. Wasn’t that your word of the day, what, like a week ago? I’d have thought you would have that one down, you sure seem to like ‘em.” he mused, laughing at his own joke. When the teenager behind the door didn’t respond, Hopper let out a sigh of exasperation. Guess it was still too early to start using Dad Jokes on her. “Listen, he’s gonna be here any minute. You gonna stay in there the whole time he’s here?”
El’s reflection in the mirror frowned at her, and she untangled her goopy hands from her head. “Stupid hair,” she grumbled, her shoulders falling.
“What’d you say?” she heard her Hopper’s muffled voice ask. El’s forehead collided with the mirror as she let it drop, giving up altogether and letting her hands hang down by her sides.
“My hair.” El half whispered. Her eyes trained in on the the other girl in the mirror, her mind focused on the curls that stuck up way behind her head, willing them to obey and lay flat. They began to fall back in slow motion, El finally smiling. Stay, she prayed.