the zodiac killers

  • ARIES: literally doesn't care and just sits on the couch chillin
  • TAURUS: runs to the kitchen and fiercely guards the fridge
  • GEMINI: makes jokes with the killer, then the killer realises gemini is cool and they go out to maccas
  • CANCER: tries to hide but starts crying and gets found
  • LEO: pretends not to be scared but kinda is, still strategically makes it out of the house tho
  • VIRGO: loses their ish but defends themself well
  • LIBRA: attempts to put up a fight but falls down the stairs or trips up over a cat and ends up getting caught
  • SCORPIO: kills the killer
  • SAGITTARIUS: makes small talk with the killer and then ends up becoming the killers accomplice
  • CAPRICORN: is the killer
  • AQUARIUS: screams *make me a sandwich asshole* at the killer
  • PISCES: just stands there frozen, legit just doesnt move
All searches relating “ted cruz” and “zodiac killer” have been removed from google

On February 26th, NPR posted this screenshot of the google search “is ted cruz”: 

“Is ted cruz the zodiac killer” is the second suggestion. Here is a screenshot from today (3/21):

Nothing about the zodiac killer. The conspiracy theory is also absent from any search suggestions for other combinations of ‘ted cruz’ and ‘zodiac killer’. So maybe there’s a reasonable explanation: fewer people are asking google if Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer, and are instead asking if he is republican or married. Nope. Not according to google trends, which shows ‘is ted cruz the zodiac killer’ as a more interesting search term since February. 


Ted cruz got google to remove all search suggestions relating him to the zodiac killer (because ted cruz is the zodiac killer).