the yellow m

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
...welp.

Little brother Oliver (who watches all these Scooby episodes with me) needed to go shopping in preparation for an ugly Christmas sweater contest.

I went along to help him out.

In the end… I found more than just reindeer sweaters.

I found way more than I bargained for.

Name: Terrifying Wizard Clown Doll

Distinguishing features: Mysterious yellow foot stains, “I’m so hungover” expression, feeling unusually heavy like it’s filled with wet sand

Perfect gift for: A kid you don’t like

Name: Broken Dog-On-Book Lamp

Distinguishing features: Damage like it’s been through a wheat thresher, soulless black eyes, random uncovered lightbulb sticking out the side

Perfect gift for: Grandma, she’ll prolly still like it

Name: The Twin Abominations

Distinguishing features: Look like eyeless ducks made of resin with no limbs, uncomfortably-flaky sides, having no conceivable use or purpose

Perfect gift for: Someone you want to give nightmares to

Name: Bacon Wave™

Distinguishing features: Hilarious premise, extreme overpricing at $2, allegedly being featured on TV

Perfect gift for: Someone who agrees that quotation marks exist for emphasizing, and should be put on the phrase “in your microwave.”

Name: Terrifying Hand-Painted Clown Chair

Distinguishing features: Just look at it, seriously

Perfect gift for: Anyone, at any time, for any occasion