the world was not big enough

this is better: isn’t it?

It doesn’t taste like I thought it would.
Freedom. 

The day I turned eighteen,
my girlfriend and I drove to a parking lot
twelve miles from home
and cried from excitement
because
Adulthood.
because
Finally.
Five years later, I haven’t talked to her in 
five years minus two months —  
I wonder how she’s doing,
I don’t wonder enough to call her. 

Past mistakes that I once called poetic
read so empty now;
love stories that took up books are now deleted screenshots,
redundant text threads,
and broken URLs.

I’ve been kissing the same woman
for two years minus two months,
and on wild Saturday nights
we splurge
and get delivery.

I used to say that the world was too enormous
too impossibly big
to love only one person.
But now I know there’s only so much room on a lease.

I look at photos of girls I once cried about loving
and wonder if “girls” is even the right word to use anymore;
aren’t we women now?
I try to remember
when the curve of her neck,
the stripe of her eyes,
the buckle of her chin
made me want to run into the sun. 

This time last year I was bouncing quarters
off my best friend’s belly
and giggling when her tongue flicked flavored rum
off my lips.
Just yesterday, we were eighteen.
Now we’re in love,
but not with each other,
not the way I planned.
I haven’t talked to her in
one year minus two months,
and I wonder how she’s doing.
I don’t wonder enough to call her.

Book recommendations? please help

Series are preferred because this moment I’m having right now, where I have to look for books.. It hate it

Stuff I’ve read already:

Dark Tower series (weird and self involved but good.. thumbs up)

Gone with the wind (still fucked up by the ending here… but very good!! thumbs up )

The mongolian fantasy book with wizards? It was good but I’m not like. really interested in knowing what happens next.

Name of the wind (The biggest smart guy nerd fantasy jerk-off festival I have EVER read. at the same time I couldn’t put it down so?? Thumbs up?? I guess??)

Handmaid’s Tale (Dark, but good)

1000 years of solitude (good but I didn’t finish it.. didn’t really hook me in)

American Gods (big time thumbs up)

All of discworld (Not enough thumbs pointed up in the WORLD to express)

Game of thrones (Okay. Very readable.)

Rabbit series by john updike (Good but not fun)

Harry potters (always a good time, issues aside)


And some others but those are the major ones!! thank you in advance for your recommendations!!!

scrambled thoughts

The basic thing on which modern world of consumer / worker is based on : fear. fear of losing your job / of conflict / your health. the fear of not doing enough, the fear of doing too much. the fear of saying too little or saying too much. the fear of [x]. Precarity as the basis of life. What do you fix your fear with? Through “communication”, through ‘social networking’, through buying things, through anxiously presenting yourself as not being anxious, ie. the cute happy face of instagram.

This often anxiety-based communication leads to two things: it gives big data for those who survey us and it keeps up the markets.

How to struggle for change? A cultural and living sweep. A life based not on fear, one which is willing to face anxiety together with others. A life not based on the commodification of shame, pain, fear and boredom. Which is willing to grasp the idea that these things have higher reasons than the individual. They are structural things, they are upheld by systems and they can be changed through community.

I believe we need to organize around our common fear rather than our individual happiness. Move from the warmest and closest ground up: from sadness.

We are sad but we are afraid to be sad together. We don’t meet eye to eye with each other as human beings on these things. Sheltered with “identity” we pour out the hate and fear through the system which thrives of the affect. New communicative embodiment is needed, new theory.

widgenstain  asked:

(I've watched too many episodes of Narcos,,, for the first sentence meme, any couple you like :D) "Plata o plomo, silver or lead."

Charles/Logan; takes place before the events of ‘Logan’:


“Plata o plomo.”

He’d thought using his old name again would be enough to fly under the radar, letting him shed ‘Logan’ and ‘Wolverine’ from the collective consciousness of the wide world like a snake shedding its skin. But no matter how far he goes and how hard he tries, there’s always somebody, somewhere, that wants his particular set of ‘skills’.

“Plata o plomo.”

A mobster from one of the big Cartels wants to hire him; knows what he is, and what he can do, and doesn’t like hearing no to his ‘generous’ offer. He keeps sending more men to ‘negotiate’ - men who like to kill, men willing to die for a bit of blood money, like he used to be - and he keeps giving them the same answer, and he loses count over how much blood and how many limbs and how many bodies…

They stop coming, eventually.

—-

“That’s new,” Charles says one day, out of the blue, his fingers slipping underneath his collar, tugging it wide. “Where did you get that? You didn’t have it before.”

He pulls back, and Charles makes a disgruntled sound, his hand falling onto his lap as Logan answers, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Charles snorts, “Bullshit. You didn’t have that two days ago.”

“You don’t remember what you had for breakfast an hour ago,” Logan snaps, and the twinge of guilt in his gut doesn’t stop him from shoving the pills into Charles’ hand. “Take your meds.”

Charles scowls though he does as he’s told, but then he’s grabbing Logan’s hand again and yanking him close. Trembling fingers press lightly against the raised and scabbed flesh, familiar and gently comforting, after all these long years.

“You’re being careful,” Charles says, not quite a question.

“Yeah,” he agrees, taking Charles’ hand and wrapping it gently within his own. “I always am.”

anonymous asked:

How are homosexuals like murderers and how is the gospel a threat?

All human beings are sinful. Regardless of how big or little our sin may seem from the world’s perspective, any sin is enough to separate us from God. Only through faith in Christ can that gap be bridged.

The Gospel is a threat because those outside of Christ don’t want to hear it. They want to continue in their lifestyle, and the Gospel doesn’t allow that.

It’s a threat, but it’s also our only hope.

I’ve only ever fallen in love twice: with big city and small town.
     I met big city at a bar (of course), and he offered to buy me a drink (of course), and then I didn’t see him for three whole months. That’s just how big city works. But when he called, I was young enough to think the nervous pit in my stomach meant something good. Big city was older than me, and richer than me, and had a white collar  job with a personal assistant. He liked to talk about important things like finances and politics and himself. But that was ok because big city was cool. He showed me all about the world, like smoking and fucking and staying out too late. Before I met him, I was small and shy. I had bangs. Big city liked that about me, he said. Liked that I was so much more than I seemed. And then, five weeks later, he told me he loved me, and I believed him.
     But big city was also fast and sharp and full of dark alleys where men in trench coats auctioned off black magic. Full of prettier people and power. I was only 19 at the time, just a kid, and big city took everything I had, chewed it up, and spat me back out on the concrete. He smiled with all of his teeth and told me we’d had a fun run. I went to therapy for weeks, and big city was engaged six months later to a woman with a loud mouth and no bangs.
     But I’ve fallen in love twice. 
     And small town came along just like big city, only many years later. He asked for my number at a bar and laughed too loud when I said no. I thought it was because he was cocky, but I found out later that he always laughs too loud when he's nervous. And God was he nervous. But I said no, and he laughed too loud, and then I didn’t see him for three whole months. Until his friend and my friend got engaged and we had to moonwalk down the isle at their wedding. He offered to buy me a drink, and I said yes, but only because it was an open bar. One drink, two drinks, three, four fivesixseveen. We talked about our families, and did the YMCA, and passed out in my hotel room.
     And small town held me when I cried and owned a little cafe that did well enough to pay the bills, and small town smiled. He let me tell him about the world. He liked holding hands and Harry Potter. Small town talked dirty and shut down the cafe some days so we could spend all afternoon naked in bed. And we held each other just as tight. Small town met my parents before saying I love you and when he said it, he really meant it. He smelled like warm bread and pine trees, and when small town talked, it was about important things like good books and insecurities and the future.
     And here’s the thing, being with him wasn’t anything like being with anyone else. It was like coming home after traveling the world. Knowing all the rooms by heart. Laying in your childhood bed and thinking, this is it, kiddo. You fucking did it. And maybe for you it’s big city or small town or someone else entirely. I think maybe we fall in love everyday, but sometimes it's different. Sometimes it’s everything. Just trust that it’s out there. Please, please. Just wait for your homecoming.
—  everything I know about love
3

OK so keith and lances relationship in this AU ..this is gonna be long so get ready but it starts off when theyre younger:

and wow!!they are friends!!theyre best friends in fact they love hanging out with each other and playing together just being silly kids but then we hit the teens

this is where things get bumpy for them. Theyre still friends and still close(romantic feelings start to bloom),and they have big dreams of being the best dragon hunting duo the worlds ever seen!So they’re finally old enough to start serious dragon training

but it doesnt go all too well for lance……..

hearing that his best friend (and crush) doesnt think he can do the one thing hes been dreaming about since childhood?breaks his heart. And pisses him off

after this they get into a huge fight and lance just…doesnt talk to keith anymore. lance is angry at keith for lying to him, keith is angry at lance for just randomly dropping him without even giving him the chance to explain. 

in the end tho!after lance finds blue and keith finds out they’re able to finally talk and work it out and become friends again :,,) and eventually….eye emoji ..start dating 

more dragon au right here! & here

imagine what it must feel like to be so far away from your goal, just debuting, trying to find who you are while trying to show yourself to the world, trying to get the tiniest bit of recognition within the industry, finally getting a small fanbase just big enough to be invited to awards, lucky enough to be nominated, even if you know you won’t win, just being surrounded by all the people you look up to, people who inspired you to pursue a career in this industry. but now, you’re part of the idols people look up to and were inspired by, you’re now the ones winning the biggest awards, breaking the biggest records, and being recognized as one of the biggest names in the industry 

congratulations bangtan for winning album of the year!! we are all so proud!!!!

17.01.01  fancafe - bts_Jin

00:44
ARMY happy new year
The most beautiful in the world our ARMY
brings not only luck but all the good strength in this world
don’t have a hard time and don’t get hurt and always stay together by our side. when sorrow is shared it’s halved and when joy is shared it doubles
If our ARMY share their sorrows it will all disappear and together our joy will be big enough to cover the world.
Always stay by our side
I love you ARMY
happy new year!!

trans; @hobuing | do not repost or crop credit

So. A guy who calls himself “Lord of Gifts” has a big workshop in a land full of holly where he tells a bunch of elves to make cool objects. Later he travels around the world dropping off these cool things as presents for people who he thinks show potential.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I choose to believe it would work if I could think about it long enough.

Consider: Cas removes his grace to become human and live out a mortal life with Dean - and then someone steals the grace.

“I don’t need it back,” Cas says.

“Still. It’s not safe to leave it out there in the world in the hands of God knows who. We need to get it back,” Dean says, and they set off to find it.

Dean believes that Cas will, one day, take back his grace. Angels weren’t built to die. He won’t blame Cas for being afraid.

The thief trails across the country and back again - they’re good at slipping out of reach and hiding and running, they’re very good, but they’re not quite good enough. Eventually Dean and Cas catch up to them in a big old warehouse in Wyoming. Cas goes in first, tells Dean to sneak around the back in case they need some surprise on their side.

“It’s over,” Cas says, when he sees the thief - they stand in darkness, face barely visible.

“Is it?” says the thief, raising their fist - clasped in it, a shining glass vial. They uncurl their fingers, pinching it only between finger and thumb, threatening to drop it. “Even when I have the most precious thing to you in the world, right here in my hand?”

Cas blinks, seeing Dean emerging out of the darkness, his eyes on Castiel.

Cas smiles.

“No,” he says, meeting Dean’s gaze. “You don’t.”

Cas throws his angel blade in a spin, cracking the thief on the crown of the head with the hilt even as Dean snatches for the grace - misses it - watches the vial fall to the ground, and smash.

Dean’s on his knees, hands trying to gather up grace even though it’s smoke and sunlight in his palms, when Cas puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Leave it,” he says. There’s something in his voice that makes Dean’s shoulders fall slack and easy, puts the breath back in his lungs.

They go home. Cas holds Dean’s hand for most of the drive. He isn’t worried or dismayed. God only knew what was waiting for him after death - he has no choice there, no control. The only thing he can decide is what to do with his life.

He squeezes Dean’s hand, and Dean glances at him, grins. Cas smiles in reply.

He has made a good choice.

You meet a boy and you think that he will save you. You think that he will be around forever, that this is it, that this is the one. That you’ve found the love they talk about and that you’ll never have to try and find it again. And then he leaves. Or he does something that breaks your heart. Or you find out something that makes your lungs feel like collapsing. And they do- and you’re gasping for air because you think you’ll die without that boy… But here’s the truth- you never really needed saving and he never saved you. Your heart and your soul and your strength will forever be enough to hold you together. That big brain of yours with those beautiful words can change people and they can change you. So you stay up whispering to yourself of the magic in the world and you start to believe it. And suddenly, that boy doesn’t seem like much anymore. And you are the world and he is no longer part of it and everything is okay. And you are falling in love. With the world. With yourself. With words that spill from the soul. With the one. But this time, just in case, you know. You know that if he leaves, you’ll be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow or the day after, but soon. So you let yourself fall into him and he engulfs you and everything is right once more.
5

Part 1
More doodles from my other fantasy au i did for fun ~ 

Drawing 1: There was a big argument at a bar about Victor being an imposter but Yuuri just left and sat outside on a bench where a masked men followed him and asked what he personally thought.
Like i already said,Yuuri still isn’t convinced that Victor fooled them all.(just like Phichit and more)

D2: The man visits him again for some reason??

D3: It’s a world where you should never ever trust someone who’s masked, I promise it ends to 83% deadly.

D4: Yuuri doesn’t have much time until he has to move to layer 4 (because he has not enough money anymore), a place even worse than where he lives now already.There will be almost no freedom.

D5: Just like Victor, Yuuri is secretly a skilled fighter and could do great things to make the empire a little better but yeah, he lacks confidence…

Kpop Groups as Your Friends

BTS: Would somehow turn every conversation into a deep social commentary on the issues of society when you only wanted to know how their day was.

Monsta X: Would scream, jump around and strip until you finally paid attention…Then would forget what they wanted to say in the first place.

Big Bang: You already know if you get caught doing delinquent activities with them YOU’LL be the one in a jail cell and they’ll pretend they don’t know you.

Seventeen: They lowkey make you feel like you’re not trying hard enough in life but they don’t do it on purpose. Exudes pure energy and can turn any situation into a party.

EXO: You argue all the time but that’s because your friendship has been tested every kind of way. Would do anything in the world for you and has learned to have your back.

iKon: Tries to be tougher than what they are, and their mouths always get them in trouble. Shops at thrift stores for vintage swaggy hip hop gear.

NCT: Your friends that are always going through a “phase”. Their identity is always evolving and changing and you can’t even try and keep up.

Block B: Your parents hate them and think they’re a bad influence but they’re actually the nicest people in the world.

Vixx: Everything they say has a double meaning and you only barely ever have a clue of what they really mean. You just nod your head “yes” a lot.

Got7: Not even sure how you all became friends. Migraine medicine has to always be kept handy as the noise level is always on 10.

B.A.P.: Use to be sheltered and is now obsessed with tasting all the pleasures that life has to offer. Drinks 12 Red Bulls a day.

Winner: You don’t see them much. They’re always grounded even though they did nothing wrong. Cell phones were taken away.

10

wow… it’s been 13 years. where do i even begin to say how proud i am of how far dbsk has come? as changmin once said (i paraphrase, since i can’t find the exact interview) that being together for 10 (and more) years was an accomplishment by itself, regardless of the number of fans they had or the number of awards they had won. that the fact that they could make people happy around the world was rewarding in itself, and their long journey was fulfilling in itself.

honestly, this gifset is not enough to encompass all that you have done. whether one considers the numbers above small or big, according to me, you have accomplished so much more than just your awards and milestones. i think you have shown your fans the true meaning of working hard and not giving up, no matter how many obstacles fall your way. from the start, you’ve had a tough journey and yet you’ve persevered. being broke, having sasaengs, having anti-fans, having practically no audience in a foreign country, being lonely in a foreign country, broadcasting at the weirdest timings, having an insane schedule, splitting up, dealing with more anti-fans, almost not returning as a duo, losing huge amounts of fans, amongst so many other things. and yet, all of you have come out stronger and better. 

even with those difficulties, you have strived to show the best of you to us, and there has hardly been a moment you have not made us proud. so, be it as five or two, thank you for carrying the name of ‘dong bang shin ki’ far and wide across the world. thank you being such a huge part of what k-pop is today, and thank you for giving your 110% all the time, even though you know you don’t have to. thank you for everything in the past 13 years, and here’s to many more to come. 

gifs are from: the latest tour, with: live tour 2015
compilation of statistics can be found here.

Where Did All the Fairy Godmothers Go?

It happened so slowly, most didn’t even realise it was happening.

The disappearance of the Fairy Godmothers.

Nobody knows where they went, but then again nobody bothered to ask. It seemed as though they’d always been there, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that no-one asked where they went until it was too late to get an answer. 

After all, the world was a big place and growing bigger every year. There were so many people. More than when the Fairy Godmother’s had first appeared.

More people than they ever hope could help. 

Magic could only do so much when they were so vastly outnumbered.

What was once commonplace became a lottery of sorts. Who would be amongst those lucky enough to meet a Fairy Godmother? To have all their dreams come true? Their problems solved? Who were the haves and who were the have-nots?

It didn’t matter how good a person was, all that mattered was being in the right place at the right time, crying the right amount of tears.

Really, it was inevitable that the backlash against Fairy Godmothers would rise over time, as the world grew bigger and fewer people got a chance at a magical happily ever after.

People always want a quick fix for their problems.

Yet, in the midst of the uproar, the anger, the envy, people forgot that Fairy Godmothers were people too. Of course, they weren’t entirely human, so it was easy to strip them of said humanity, to see them as these beacons of fate, handing out happily-ever-afters on a whim and leaving the rest of the population to rot.

It was easy to forget the fairies who had raised their children in secret.

Easy to forget the ones who loved and watched over the orphaned ones, as though they were their own.

Easy to forget the ones who protected them against the darker forces in the world, as well as those who wielded them.

Until, one day, people began to notice that it had been weeks since they’d spotted the familiar flutters of sparkling wings. There were no whispers of magical happenings at peoples’ doors, no rumours to spread. Cries for help went unanswered for everyone. It seemed at last that the world was equal- at least in terms of those hated magical shortcuts.

Some celebrated a return to fairness, others felt stabs of guilt at having pushed an entire group of beings into hiding. A few hoped they’d come back if only to help those less fortunate- who now seemed to be suffering more than ever in the fairies absence.

(There were certain murmurs among the younger folk, those who had been too small to ever be graced by fairies power, about how vocal those in positions of power had been in their hatred for the Fairy Godmother’s. But those criticisms were quickly squashed by those who were louder, older, angrier.)

Weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and soon Fairy Godmothers were a distant memory. They became nothing more than stories to tell dazzled children, all with the understanding that Fairy Godmothers weren’t real- that if their children wanted a happily ever after, they would have to earn it like their forefathers before them.

Fairy Godmothers didn’t exist.

And their children would just have to accept that and move on.

What I want for “ToA the dark prophecy”

- Parental Apollo. It’s just so sweet

- More Solangelo

- LEO/JASON/PIPER REUNION!!!!

- Apollo finally starting to feel comfortable enough with his mortal body that he’s starting to flirt with literally everybody again, not just blushing the whole time

- Percy’s baby sister

- Annabeth being like “Oh yeah, even if we succeed in saving the world there’s a big chance it’s going to be destroyed anyways bc of norse stuff”

- MORE KAYLA AND AUSTIN

- Apollo being the adorable dork he is

The zodiac sings as the lines of the songs of “IAMX”

Aquarius: Avalanches of the violent disharmony
From the coma of OK have awoken те
In the cover-up of disgraceful abuses
Avalanches of the violent disharmony. |Avalanches|

Virgo: My conscience begs for time
You can’t fight the clock ticking inside
I’m just a bigger baby me
Acting smart oh what irony.      |
Insomnia|   

Leo: You look good in leather, in bars
Breaking things, breaking hearts
You look good
in pleasure, in hotels
Loneliness is the key to break that spell.  |I’m Terrified|

Pisces: Now I look out into the stars
Into the endless desert calm
To try to tame the beast
Eternity, can you complete me?  |Eternity|

Aries: Your words will live in us
Timelessly insane
Explosive, fresh and wise
Some will just forget
Some will close their eyes
Some will turn the tide.  |I Salute You Christopher|

Taurus: Our little world is only big enough for us
Come home
I’ve lost the will to go on alone
Come home
I don’t know what you want, but I know that you need to be loved.    |Come Home|

Cancer: I am terrified, I think too much
I get emotional when I drink too much
I buy every cry ‘cause I don’t trust
I am terrified.     |I’m Terrified|

Scorpio: The monotony and the rising tide
Is under my skin, is crawling inside
Adrenaline to rewire my mind
I’m only human, I come with knives.  |I Come with Knives|

Libra: If you chose life,
You know what the fear is like.
You welcome addiction,
This is your kingdom.   |Kingdom of Welcome Addiction| 

Capricorn: I know I never feel the same
I know I may never accept the change, but I want…
Happiness…               |Happiness|      

Sagittarius: I need help
I’ve seen bad things and I cannot make them disappear
I want flesh
To bring me happiness cause I feel nothing.     |North Star|

Gemini:  You wear your

Little smiles

With the decadence you suffer every night
All the glitter, all the luxury

But you belong to the industry, baby. |Music People|

god i’m so emotional like proud isn’t a big enough word for how i feel right now???? i’m like bursting at the seams with it holy crap like i just. he’s so strong. i could never ever do something like what he’s doing right now. he’s such a beautiful person and he’s so incredibly resilient and during the darkest times of his life, he’s carving out this bit of sunshine. and everyone is there to support him because everyone loves him and his family and his mom so much. and god. i just wish i could give him the world. but i can’t do that so i’ll settle for trying to make this song as wildly successful as possible