the words you cannot speak

Asking Faeries to Protect Your Garden

To assist my mint’s recovery, I’ve decided to ask any Faerie that may be nearby to help them along.  

Walk along your garden, touching the leaves and stems and trunks.  Visualize the healthy, bodacious, and vividly green plants that they once were or might one day become.

As you walk, speak the following words.

Fae of the Green

Ones who cannot be seen

Put your powers into my yard

Sew your Magick and stand on guard

Coax the vines long and trunks thick

Lead them to health and strength quick

The Sun and Moon shall charge

Let the leaves grow large

Take my offerings and my thanks

Enjoy these things among your ranks

May you strength grow like the nature here

Fly free in my haven without fear

With this invocation, you are inviting Fae to stay in your garden.  I warn you - just in case that might be something you wouldn’t want.  

Set out an offering.  A small piece of chocolate and little milk, perhaps.  Something shiny, maybe.  Just be sure to set them out of reach of any critters you may have sniffing about in your garden.

I hope you find use in this invocation and I wish you a big, bountiful garden.

Many blessings!

- Timber Wolfe

have you ever seen one of those posts that has like 2 billion images and you know. you just know your phone is going to crash because you have to put a gif of benedict bendysnooch between every word you say. you cannot speak properly. there needs to be a supernatural gif inbetween every word. there is no peace. it feels like your in 2011 again. it feels like you can’t escape. you need to scroll past the 70 gifs of ugly british white men along with various gifs of disney movies. tears roll down your face as tumblr crashes.

Immigrant Kids Gothic

-where are you from? someone asks. what is your first language? you waver. where are you from? you are not from Here. you have never been from Here.

-how long have you been living here? you count the years on your fingers. five, ten, thirty, one hundred. you have been living here one hundred years. you have been living there one hundred years. you have been living on two planes of existence for one hundred years. when will you be allowed to live only on one?

-your friends appear in front of you. they ask you a question. you answer. what does that mean? they ask. you look up. it is your parents. they do not speak your language. they have never spoken your language.

-you meet someone from where you used to live. you are excited. you know you will not forget words. you forget words. you cannot speak your native language. you are disappointed but not surprised.

-someone trips over your foot. you apologize. they stare at you. it was not the right language. it is never the right language.

-someone does not understand your idiom. you shrug. someone does not understand the idiom in your other language. you break into tears.

-someone asks you a question. you reply. your reply is long and more than one language is threaded through it. they reply. their reply is longer and even more languages are threaded through it. you do not understand these languages. they do not understand these languages. but you reply. you have forgotten what it is like mot to code switch.

Things I have learned:

It takes two people to fight and two people to make up. It’s not just about you.
Thinking about how your actions affect others will make you a better person and will make those around you appreciate you more.
Think before you speak. Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back and it is hard to forget they were spoken.
Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Be kind. Smile more. Respect.

they tell you that they cannot understand the words you speak, but

we know our screams do not demand words, so

they seperate and marginalize us, and

we shout in silence

they leave us in darkness

we become faceless; yet
we remain
we become the monster
they fear most
because they cannot see
what we’ve become

Belgian Gothic
  • It’s a Sunday afternoon. The streets are empty but for an old man sitting in a lawn chair by his front door. He shouts at a passerby cat. The cat glares at him knowingly. Not long now.
  • Everyone is from somewhere. No one is from a place you have heard of. You are not from a place you have heard of. You never visit your parents. 
  • Every town is a ghost town, with menacing movements around corners that you do not care to investigate. Still the towns are more alive than the cities. Do not go to the cities.
  • People who shape their vowels differently are your arch enemies. You live 10 km apart but the distance is insurmountable. Somewhere, someone laughs bitterly. They have blended in.
  • You go on holiday to the seaside. You want to order a drink, but the people don’t understand you. You don’t understand the people; their language sounds familiar yet you cannot make out any words. What do they speak? You feel uneasy. 
  • You go on holiday to the mountains. There are no mountains. You still do not understand the people although you feel like you do speak their language. The words refuse to leave your mouth.
  • A festival is held. Suddenly there are crowds, but the people seem to be in some kind of trance. The repetitive music reaches the ears of the unwilling; they seem to remember the melodies from some horrible past. The crowd chants in unison.  
  • Someone is talking about fries. You crave fries. You eat fries, but somehow the fries are not satisfying. They never are satisfying, never quite how you remembered them. Someone is dreaming about fries. 
  • A lonely car rushes past. The music it blasts has a strange rhythm that reminds you of a heartbeat. You think it is your heartbeat, but surely that is impossible?
Things I wish I could say to you

When I say I love you I mean it. At the beginning of a relationship I thought it wouldn’t last not because you didn’t love me I could tell that you did but I thought it would last because of me in reality I really didn’t want you I only wanted someone to call me beautiful all the time. In hindsight I realize now that you stole my heart that even trying when I got to know you passed the nerdy shell that you live in I got to know a man with a dark but kind heart. You said once that I helped you knock down your walls but that because of the way I was acting you wanted to put them back up but you didn’t. I cannot speak these words to you because of the way you react. No you don’t react violently but the look of pain in your eyes I see breaks my heart even more than the words I say causing you pain is the one thing I hate. That’s why I’m so angry at your parents not the fact that they’re your parents you can’t change that that’s not your fault that’s not their fault it just happened. Your conception happened for a reason. I think that reason is to help people like you I feel that you will become someone famous and Powerful because you are so brave and kind that it would be a disservice to yourself not to be. I don’t get why you don’t think you’re handsome you are sure you’re no Channing Tatum but I’ve seen some men who would make Medusa cringe. Some of them go to our school. The fact of the matter is I don’t get why people attacked you I don’t get why they hurt you I don’t get the fact that your parents hurt you I understand the basic concept of it I just don’t understand why? ! You are a good human you’re gentle loving person. What did you ever do to them? Were you too innocent? Too young? Too happy? In the case of your parents review reminder of their “mistake”? were you reminder that the fact that they couldn’t keep their own lives together? No. You are not a mistake you’re a human you were just the winner of the race in a way. Life in that sense is a trophy but in your case is one of the worst trophies I could ever think of but you made it good because you are strong. In the case of the thing that happened Wednesday I swear I just looked up and saw it. I don’t know why I laughed guess was kind of funny to me. In every way that depressed me because that art project was past you the heart was keeping him alive well his emotions were weighing him down because the thing is Stone I get when you paint it to say that I saved your life but people don’t understand that or choose not to admit it and I don’t understand why why anyone would do that you were so angry when it broke but you fixed it because you were so stubborn and smart that’s what I’m trying to say is these are the words you will never hear you may hear them once but I do not know what you will say after. when I think of you young I think of a Young Man no a child scared and alone in his room crying because his mother doesn’t love his father and she’s leaving him again this is the third time again he blame himself for the reasons that they are together but in fact they chose to drink that night they chose to act that way you are not a result of their stupid your result of Science of humanity you were a cell doing what a cell does their reaction to your birth and life it’s something that no one should ever go through it was hellish. They should have just given you up for adoption because the fact of matter is they are so incompetent that you are permanently scarred yes you may have never found a good home but at least you at least you had the chance for somebody better than them. If I could go back in time and save you from all of this I don’t think I could because you wouldn’t be who you are today I admit that. But that does not mean I wouldn’t tell you who i was and tell you that you survived but you became a man better than what you had as role model you’ve been a good man strong man and not strong the physical sense you can’t throw a barge in the way but in the true way man of bravery and kindness above all I’ve seen this and you and the past year only a year small amount of time in the aspect of life but one in all aspects was awful I bet that was an awful year 2016 sucked. But in January of that year I had hope hope for new love to Blossom and it may of that year you saved my life by just telling my mom what was in my head. I got out of the hospital on your birthday and you ran to me through the parking lot of that hotel I thought you were going to trip and fall cuz your were flip flops or run into to me because you couldn’t stop in time. But you didn’t you hugged me so tightly you hadn’t seen me for a week because your parents wouldn’t to take you to visit me. Your father says he doesn’t want you seeing me because of my “issues” he calls my mother a bad parent for simply acknowledging the fact that her child needs help for acknowledging the fact that her child’s brain is different he forced you to do things you didn’t want to do socialize when you were not ready and told you to man up when your anxiety was getting more because he didn’t realize of the bullying in the darkness you went through he was one of the causes of that I admit it. I don’t get the fact that a man says he loves you yet he doesn’t love you the way he should he doesn’t treat you the way he should he doesn’t act the way he should he acts like a man who has a burden instead of a son I don’t get it and your mother your relationship with her used to be good but when she lost so much weight and started cheating on your dad you broke up now you live with her crazy boyfriend and place you shouldn’t live she should take care of herself and service mooching off him you were going to be able to run for your dog but you didn’t because you need that idiots help I don’t get it why did God choose you love me? I don’t regret you I never will I do not regret loving you I don’t regret meeting you I regret nothing about you. The only regret I have truly it’s not meeting you sooner because I could have helped you more and help some of the pain. One last thing I want to say I cannot antidepressant I’m a girl who loves you not a pill I can’t protect you all the time I need to focus on myself as well but for now pouring myself into use one thing I can keep safe but I can do to help you I can’t set you free just yet but I can keep you waiting what I mean by that is simple I can help you wait until the time comes when you’re old enough to leave to spread your wings run run as fast as you can away from there and become the man you were destined to be granted there will be some times where we aren’t the best of friends but I will always love you I don’t think you could possibly understand how much I love you.

You’re wondering why did she write all this I had to get it out somewhere had to free it somehow if you made it this far. Good job. Because you made it though all of the shit I’ve been though in the past year. This is surviving a relationship with a man who’s abused.

do not long to be turned into art,
celebrate the fact you are art already.

You cannot be turned into poetry,
when the words you speak
tell a thousand stories.

The glitter under your eyes is a
reflection of your spirit,
your personality;

Do not long to be immortalised as
a piece of artwork,
only to be critiqued and judged.
Recognise that you are already art
and celebrate it.”

- s.o.c

Choking on all of the words you once said,
I cannot speak,
let alone breathe.

“He’s my best friend,
he always will be.”

I can barely muster up the words,
I can barely speak when you’re the topic.

My hearts aches and cracks
as your name slips my tongue.

I miss you too much for my own good.

—  7:12 PM (s.s)

Hey, @worshippedlove , I don’t know what you’re so scared of that you felt the need to block me (is it the inconvenient truth, perhaps?) but I’ve got a few words for you :)

I cannot speak for these “hets” you speak of, for I am queer, but I can guarantee you that I’ve only seen people happy about how great his outfit looked, nails included.

The only people obsessing over him liking to get his nails done are nut jobs like you, who somehow - in the 21st century, two thousand and sixteen - still think that applying a varnish to your nails is an indicative of the wearer’s sexuality.

Sincerely, shove your bigotry up your arse.

Dear love, if I have not used up all my wishes
then I pray for Babel to descend upon your ear,
and hear the words of a thousand men speaking
all at once - no, you cannot have your peace.

And I hope their voices ring louder in the eve’,
the cacophonous chaos rouse you even as you lay
open-eyed to a bare ceiling at three in the morning,
miscounting ten sheep. No, you cannot have your peace.