the words we live by


you told me you’re having
recurrent dreams, which you’d
like to share with me,
but you’re not able to
put them into words.

sitting on the edge of your messy bed, i saw you
truning restlessly,
talking quietly
the words i didn’t even know
that exist, but understood
their meaning prefectly.
on your pale skin was
a distorted reflection
of the night and
crystalline smell
of anticipation burdened
your unevenly rising chest.

i put my cool hand
on your forehead and
your racing heartbeat
slowly calmed down.

it was just your premonition,
but i knew it without doubt;
you were fatally poisoned
and knew, there is no
antidote yet invented
for your intoxication
with love.

you were scared, completely
aware that “infinity” is a word
which doesn’t even start;
we could never live in that
eight letters as they are
nothing more than that.

the separation will be inevitable one day.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.