the words are supposed to be crooked

knopeleslie  asked:

ooo 63 for the prompts

This is a post ep for Plus One cuz honestly how am I suppose to write about anything else right now!!

The prompt was “I am home” hope you like it!!


  “I love you Mulder. ”  Her words wind into the crook of your neck, her skin slick, sweat and salt, smooth all around you.  She showed up tonight wide eyed with invitation.  She picked you up, crumpled shirt from the floor, smoothed out all the wrinkles deeming it just clean enough to wear again.  You’ll always wait for her to come back, wait for her to want you again.  

  Standing on the other side of the door anticipation inching out of your bones, part of you still believes she’ll never really want you again.  Somehow here you are spreading like sawdust before her.

  “I love you Scully.   Always have, always will.”  Brushing her hair from her shoulder giving you a fresh place to nibble, crooning against her skin.  "I can’t believe you could ever think that Scully, think that I could meet someone else.“ 

  Propping herself up, fingers laced across your chest, eyes looming.

  "You could Mulder… not that I think you would…but you could.”

  “Never Scully.  Never.”

  You wrap your body around hers, fold her up, tuck her away safe and sound.  You split her open centuries ago, dug a deep dark hole inside her, placing your heart at the bottom.  You knew one day she’d realize no matter how old, she’d always have it.  It’s why you can’t survive without her.  Just an animated corpse fumbling, faltering, fleeing for the promised land of her presence. 

  “We should really get it together and start heading home.”  Her words empty as she nuzzles your neck, limbs languid, lashes fluttering, fighting sleep.

  “I am home Scully.”  Kissing the top of her head, running fingers from spine to hipbone to lips.  "Every motel room, every car ride, every case, that’s home Scully.  Me and you.  That’s all we need and we’re home.“

BTS Reaction to: Them confessing to you when intoxicated

anon asked: “If you’re still taking reaction requests may I please request a BTS reaction to accidentally confessing to their crush while intoxicated? Or vise versa lol whichever you prefer”

Author’s note: I really like this idea. It’s also really long. Gifs aren’t mine. x 


Originally posted by jhopefluxo

You’d been looking for him all night. He was the one you dragged you to this party, but suddenly he was gone as you’ve been looking for him ever since. It wasn’t like him to just leave you on your own. Little did you know that Seokjin was so nervous to tell you about his feelings that he took a drink, or five. By the time you found him he was sitting on the floor, laughing at something. You knelt down in front of him, lifting up his chink to make him look at you.

“Y/N! There you are! I’ve been looking for you all night! I need to tell you something; You’re really pretty.”

You blushed at his compliment as you helped him back up. Even though you knew he was drunk and probably didn’t mean it, it still made you feel some type of way.

“Like really pretty. We’d make such a good couple Y/N! I’d be such a good boyfriend!”

Yes very drunk indeed. You quickly took him back to your car as you drove him back to his apartment. When Seokjin woke up the next morning he had a massive headache. He groaned as he tightly grabbed his head in pain. Why did he drink so much again? Oh right, because he wanted to confess but was too scared to do it. Right that moment you walked in, a smug smile spread across your face.

“Good morning boyfriend.”

His eyes grew wide at your words as he stared at you in shock.

“What? Don’t remember confessing to me?”

He hastily shook his head ‘no’ as he stared at you with wide eyes. You laughed when you saw how shocked he was. When Seokjin saw how happy you looked he instantly felt relieved.

“You know, if I wouldn’t have been drunk I would have done it differently.”

“Really? What would you have done then?”

He gave you a small smile before he pressed his lips against yours. You soon started to kiss back as you smiled at each other’s lips. Sure this was not how he planned it but he was very happy with the way things turned out.


Originally posted by ciutae

He let out a yawn as he opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. Where is he? He quickly sat up straight as he looked around the room. This wasn’t his room, it’s yours. What’s he doing in your room? 

“Good morning sunshine.” Yoongi couldn’t help but smile as he saw you walking through the door. 

“Good morning to you too. Why am I here?” 

“I don’t know. Why are you at your girlfriend’s house?” 

His eyes grew wide as he looked at you in shock. 


You laughed as you sat down on the edge of the bed. Gently running your fingers through his hair as he leaned back against the headboard. 

“You confessed to me last night. You asked me to be your girlfriend, but it seems like you don’t remember so I guess it was just a drunken mistake.” 

You immediately get up, ready to walk out when Yoongi grabs your wrist and pulls you back. 

“I meant what I said. I know that when I said it I didn’t know what I did but now I do. I started drinking because I got scared just thinking about confessing to you. I’m sorry I didn’t do it the proper way but here it is again if you don’t believe me. I’m in love with you Y/N.” 

You smile brightly as you wrap your arms around his neck. Yoongi pulled you closer to him as he pressed a kiss against your cheek. 

“I love you Yoongi.” 

“I love you too Y/N.” 


Originally posted by hobies

The moment the words left his lips he was stone cold sober. This wasn’t how he planned to confess to you at all. He had everything planned out. He’d take you out for dinner, go to the arcade with you and then confess. Only it didn’t go that way. Instead he just threw it out there. The alcohol got the best of him. It made him say things without thinking about it first. That’s how it happened. You stared at him in shock as you found it hard to find the right words to stay. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out this way. I had everything planned and I-” 

“-So you mean it?” 

He quickly nodded his head as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer against him. 

“Of course I mean it Jagi.” 

You smiled at him before nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck. 

“Can I still take you out for dinner and go to the arcade with you afterwards?” 

“Of course you can Hobi. I’d like that very much.” 


Originally posted by bangdulce

Namjoon was drunk. very drunk. So drunk even that he decided to go to your house to declare his love for you. As soon as he reached your house he started to shout your name.


You frowned when you heard the familiar voice. Joon? What the hell was he doing at your house at 3 am?

You opened the door to see him standing there.


“Y/N, I LOVE YOU!” He shouted, making you flinch.

“Okay maybe you should come inside Joon. I don’t want complains from my neighbors." 

He nodded at your words as he followed you inside. You told him to sit down on the couch, which he did. Quickly grabbing a blanket before going back. Once you came back to the couch you saw him passed out. Giggling softly you wrapped the blanket around him and pressed a kiss against his forehead. You weren’t sure if he actually meant what he said but whether he did or not, you still love him. 

The next morning you woke up with Namjoon sitting next to you. A tray of food on the nightstand as he smiled sweetly at you. 

“Good morning.” 

“Morning. Why did you make me breakfast?” You asked, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you sat up straight. Getting ready to listen to whatever he had to say. 

“Okay, euhm. I’m sorry for the way I confessed to you last night. I know I was drunk but I still meant what I said.” 



You flashed him a bright smile before pressing a kiss against his cheek. Namjoon chuckled as he pulled you onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around you as he gently pecked your lips. 


Originally posted by luvisnotoverjims

Jimin didn’t get drunk very often, but when he did it was hilarious. He always referred to himself as: ’Diminie’ and he also was brutally honest. Jimin tends to flirt his way out of things a lot. Whenever you asked him something that he didn’t want to answer to he’d flirt with you. It was quite funny actually, but you soon learned that whenever he got drunk he’d tell you the truth. This time was no different. Jimin was sitting on the couch, bottle of soju in his hand as he was watching one of his favorite series. You chuckled at the sight, rubbing your hands together as you were getting ready to have some of your questions being answered. 

“Hey Jimin.” 

He looked up from the couch, smiling at you sweetly as he made room for you to sit down next to him. You flashed him a charming smile as you wrapped your arm around him, making him blush. 

“So, a little birdy told me that you’ve a crush on someone. Is that true?” 

He nodded eagerly as he took another sip of his soju. 

“Care to tell me who it is?” 

“Sure. It’s you.”  

You stared at him in shock as you dropped your phone on your lap. He’s what? He’s in love with you? But how? You decided not to ask further and to just let it be. Maybe he was just kidding, but then again he’s always honest when he’s drunk. You brushed it off before going to bed. The next morning when you walked into the kitchen you saw Jimin leaning onto the counter, face in his hands as he tried to ease his headache.

“You okay there?” 

His head snapped up at the sound of your voice, making him groan in pain. You instantly walked over to him as you wrapped your arms around him. 

“Jimin?” “Yes?” 

“You told me you’re in love with me yesterday. Did you really mean that?” His wide eyes bored into yours as a bright smile appeared on his face. 

“Well Y/N, I thought you knew that I’m always honest when I’m drunk.” 


Originally posted by agustddarling

Just like Namjoon he’d be crazy. He didn’t know how to control his drinking so he was very and I mean very drunk. When you came home you found him laying on the couch, laughing at nothing. That’s when you realized that he had been drinking. To be honest you thought he was very funny when he was drunk. He just didn’t hold back at all and said whatever was on his mind. Not that he held back whenever he was sober. It was just different. You quickly grabbed a blanket for him as you covered him with it. He flashed you a sweet smile as he snuggled underneath it, making you chuckle. He’s just so damn cute. Before you could walk away he had grabbed onto your wrist, stopping you from leaving. 

“Y/N. I’ve a secret.” 

You knew where this was going. Taehyung always told you the dumbest things when he was drunk. Honestly it was quite funny to say the least. You suppressed a smile as you asked, 

“What’s it?”  

“I’m in love with you.” 


He giggled before pulling you down with him and snuggling up to you. 

“Hm let’s just cuddle.” 

When you woke up the next day you found Taehyung staring at you, a blush prominent on his cheeks as he tried to hide his smile. 

“I’m sorry for confessing to you yesterday. I didn’t mean to just drop it like that.”

“So you meant it?” 

“Of course.” 

You giggled as he started to leave kisses all over your face. Taehyung smiled brightly as he held you close. Yes he couldn’t be happier. 


Originally posted by vkook-appreciation

“What do you mean you’re in love with me?” 

“I am Y/N. I really am.” 

You stared at him in shock as he gave you a bright smile. Jungkook was just too cute when he was drunk. He turned into an adorable ball of fluff that just wanted to cuddle all the time. You weren’t sure if he meant what he just said but you liked the affection. He held you tightly as he nuzzled his face against your chest before he drifted off to sleep. You smiled at the sight before drifting off as well. The next morning Jungkook was still laying on top of you, staring at you with pink cheeks as he waited for you to be a little more awake. 

“Why are you staring at me like that Kook?” 

“Because you probably don’t believe what I said yesterday. It wasn’t exactly the best way to confess after all.” 

“So you weren’t lying?” 

“Of course not you idiot!” 

You gasped at his words as you playfully hit him on the chest, making him laugh. He flashed you his bunny smile before he moved closer, so his nose was brushing against yours. He stared at your lips before pressing his own against yours. You tangled your hand in his hair as you deepened the kiss. Finally getting what you’ve wanted for so long. Jungkook smiled against your lips as he nuzzled his nose against yours, making you giggle. Yes, he’s definitely very cute, even when he is sober. 

A Little Reminder (Jumin x MC)

Jumin comes home one night and finds you in one of his shirts.

Word Count: 520

I haven’t done much today but I’m watching Ghost Hunters so you know I’m living life to the fullest. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy and have a fantastic day! Thank you!


The evening had shifted into night with pools of blue painting the sky as you lay on the sofa, the sound of the front door opening chiming across the home. 

You shot up, rushing over to find your husband, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he saw you.

You were wearing one of his collared shirts, even the cuffs sleeves rolled up to your elbows as if this was casual. 

“Darling, are you wearing my shirt?” He chuckled softly, pulling you into an embrace. 

“How’d you know?” You snickered, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Perhaps I’m just that intuitive,” He hummed. “but what happened to your clothes dear?”

“They’re being washed. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Oh no, I don’t, but I would be happy to have a shirt better fitting you, be made.” He said, furrowing his brow almost. 

“You don’t need to do that though, I like this!” You beamed. “It’s nice!” 

“How so?” 

“Well…” You tried to think of how to explain it. “It’s…it’s almost like you’re never really gone! It’s just a little reminder of you.” 

“A reminder of me…”  He repeated the words, almost seeming guilty. “Does that mean you miss me when I’m gone, love?”

“Of course I do! I always tell you that!” You exclaimed, cupping his face in your hands. “This house just isn’t the same without you.” 

He melted at your words, adoration drenching gaze before the gears in his head began to turn, stepping away and moving towards the bedroom.

“What’re you doing?” You asked, following shortly after him, tipping your head just beyond the door frame.

“I’m truly sorry I can’t be here more often darling, I wish I could but this week has been especially busy. I promise to take the next few days off when it dies down.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” You reassured him, inching closer. “I know how important your work is-” 

You stopped as you watched him snatch one of his shirts from his drawers, spraying his cologne onto the fabric.

“What’re you doing…?” 

He looked to you, giving a crooked smile. “Even if I’m gone I want to do as much as I can to help ease the loneliness. I certainly know how it feels, and I’d hate for you to have to deal it if I could help it somehow.” 

You could hardly believe his words, rushing forward to pepper his face in kisses, ruffling his hair in your fingertips. 

“How can you be so wonderful?” You said, scrunching up your nose as his messy strands of hair curled about your hands.

“I suppose I just had a good influence.” 

“And who was that from?” 


anonymous asked:

54, 136, and 40? I feel like good angst is here

54. “He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  136. “You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.” 40. “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

warnings: nightmare mentions, insecurities

Logan wakes up, skin cold and clammy with sweat, heart throbbing in an entirely uneven tempo beneath his sternum, and his first thought is of unceasing and all-pervasive failure. He can’t quite remember his nightmare, save for a few flashes of disjointed images and sensations, but he does quite clearly remember his failing. It’s irrational, really, to be so effected by a silly subconscious blip, but here he is—shivering and confused and frightened.

“Lo?” Virgil’s voice is slurred and sleepy. “Whatcha doin’?”

Logan rakes his hair off of his forehead and takes a deep breath, then offers Virgil a small smile. “I was merely going to the restroom, love. Go back to sleep.”

But Virgil—ever-observant, especially when it comes to negative emotions—frowns at him. “Sure?”

Logan opens his mouth, then hesitates. Should he tell Virgil? What good would it do? It would probably only distress him. “Yes, I’m sure.”

In spite of Logan’s assurances, Virgil sits up and rubs the sleep away from his eyes. “You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”

Logan glances away, and Virgil sighs.

“Okay. Okay—you had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it,” Virgil says, looping an arm around Logan’s shoulders and pulling him close. He leans their heads together, and Logan feels some of the tension seep out of his body. Virgil is so very good to him. Too good.

“You’ll think it’s foolish,” Logan warns.

“Oh-ho, he thinks he’s a mind-reader,” Virgil says, pressing a kiss to Logan’s temple. “He already knows what I’m going to decide.”

Logan scoffs. “I know nothing of the sort, only—well, it’s likely that you’ll think it’s foolish.”

“Try me.”

“Very well.” Sighing, Logan reaches down to pluck at their bedsheets, clears his throat, and says, “I don’t remember very many specifics, but I just—I just remember that I failed in some very important task and disappointed all of you. See? Foolish. It’s nothing to worry about, really, so why don’t we both go back to sleep?”

Virgil is quiet for a moment, one of his hands moving to rub soothing circles between Logan’s shoulders. Finally, he says, “I don’t think that’s stupid.”

Logan shakes his head. “But it is. I’m sorry to have troubled you with it.”

“Hey, remember what Patton says about apologies?”

“Yes, I do. ‘Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.’ Allow me to assure you, Virgil dear, that I do mean it. I know you get precious little sleep as it is, and—”

“No, no, no. You shouldn’t mean it. You shouldn’t apologize for this, for—for feeling the way you do. You’re allowed to feel scared, y’know? You’re allowed to want—to want reassurance, and comfort, and—”

“You’re beginning to sound like Patton,” Logan grumbles, his face flushing.

“Good. Anyone could benefit from sounding more like Patton sometimes.” Virgil leans forward to pepper kisses along the angle of Logan’s jaw. “But you don’t need to be scared to fail, Lo—not most of the time, anyway. Failing is a natural part of learning things. Nobody does things perfectly all the time. And guess what else?”

Logan spares Anxiety a wary glance. “What?”

“We’re not going to be disappointed if you fail.”

“You can’t promise that.”

Virgil hesitates, then nuzzles into the crook of Logan’s neck. “No, I suppose I can’t. But we shouldn’t be disappointed, and I, at least, am going to try my very hardest never to be. I love you, Logan—mistakes and all.”

Despite the fact that he’s heard those words time and time again, little shivers of joy still go through him. Virgil loves him. “I—I love you too. Thank you.”

“Mm, no problem. Now come on—let’s go to sleep. Happy dreams this time, okay?”

As he curls into Virgil’s arms (safe and warm and accepted) he thinks yes, okay—happy dreams this time will not be so difficult to achieve.

Little Names

Originally posted by talkinboutmyimagination

Not My Gif

Cassian Andor x Reader, Fluff, Mild Angst, light smut (one paragraph)

Requested by Anonymous

Prompt: Pls write something cute with Cassian Andor + him calling the reader cute Spanish affectionate nicknames.

A/N: I don’t speak Spanish at all, so if I get something wrong please know it was not intentional.

Word Count: 948

           Cassian Andor was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. He was a solider. He had been a solider all his life and would most likely remain one until the end of his days.  Emotions weren’t something he was comfortable expressing, even when it came to you.

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anonymous asked:

"You look so comfy, and cuddle-able"

A/N: Sorry this took so long anon!! Hope you like it! :) 

You open the door to his room just a crack. Dawn filters in through the window to his room, the gentle rays illuminating his sleeping face. He’s lying on his back, one hand tucked behind his head, the other arm sprawled out over the other side of the bed. His chest moves up and down gradually, his breaths quiet and regular. You open the door and enter, quietly shutting the door behind you and then quietly padding over to the bed.

Your eyes are still bleary with sleep, but even so, you can see his hair sticking out in odd directions. No doubt, he’s going to have a difficult time taming the wild strands later.

The bed dips beneath your weight as you crawl up the bed towards Saeran’s sleeping form as soundlessly as you can manage. The creaking of the mattress doesn’t exactly help your case though. He stirs a little, eyebrows dipping into a frown and he rolls a bit so he’s now lying on his side, facing you.

A tiny smile graces your lips. You feel an urge to touch his hair, so you do. Carefully weaving your fingers through his terrible bed hair, you marvel at how soft it is, and resist another urge to ruffle his hair. That would definitely wake him up.

Not that it would have mattered anyway. Because he wakes up soon after you slide under the covers and lie next to him, resting your head on the pillow next to him, his arm under your shoulders and your body pressing up against his.

“W… What’re you doing here?” he slurs a little, peeking an eye open and arching a curious brow at your uninvited presence. He turns over to the other side, presumably to glance at his digital clock hanging on the wall.

“It’s early…” he mutters, turning back to face you, but he doesn’t oppose to your presence on the bed. He shifts a little more to the side to give you more space, and wraps an arm around your shoulder as you nestle your head in the crook of his neck, and rest your hand over his beating chest. You can already feel his steadily increasing pulse under your fingertips.

“Sorry, I just…” You close your eyes to think for a bit. Your brain is still rather slow, and the words don’t come immediately. “You just look… comfy. And kinda cudde-able.” You’re unwilling to admit that it was a little nightmare and an overall unsettling night that got you up early enough to rouse him from his sleep.

He breathes out a puff of air, and tightens his grip around your shoulders. You suppose that means he’s rather agreeable to this spontaneous arrangement.

“Fine,” he says, closing his eyes and ready to go back to sleep. “I’ll be your dreamcatcher for a while.”

A jolt runs through you, and you raise your head to look up at him. His eyes are still closed, and his breaths are starting to slow down already.

“Saeran…” Your question goes unvoiced: How did you..?

“Just go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He’s starting to sound like you, back when you stayed by his side on nights that he woke up shaking, his skin coated with a sheen of cold sweat and his mind reeling from the frightening, haunting images of the monsters in his nightmares.

You suppose it isn’t that surprising that he can see through you so easily, given all that he’s experienced before.

Warmth fills your chest, and it spreads to the tips of your toes. Lying back down, you close your eyes and your lips stretch into a content smile.

“Thanks,” you murmur, voice drifting along with your consciousness as the both of you slip back into a peaceful sleep on a quiet, halcyon morning.


Gif source:  Sam

Imagine doing research in a library with Sam during a hunt and when you get up to find another book, he goes after you and you wind up not finding the book because he distracts you by pinning you to the bookshelf and making out with you.

——— Request for anon ———

Sam tapped his pen on the book in front of him as he watched you disappear behind the bookshelf. Finally deciding on something, he drops the pen and abandons the table the two of you had claimed, figuring the books would be more than enough to keep it until he returned from hurrying after you.

You notice Sam round the corner after you as you caught the motion in your peripheral, causing you to abandon skimming the numbers that organized the books, as he quickly invaded your space with a raised brow, “Sam, what—?”

“Shh,” Sam puts a finger to his lips before his hands come to your jawline, tilting your face upwards before pressing them against yours. You melt into his kiss like you always do, the research you’d been doing going to the back of your mind as Sam presses you between himself and the metal shelves of this library’s bookshelf. The smell of books give way to Sam’s cologne, his hair brushing your face as he leans into you, swallowing your giggle.

“Sam,” you gasp in a whisper against his lips when you pull back just enough to smack him softly on the chest, “we’re supposed to be working!” Sam’s lip quirk into a crooked smile as he pecks you on the lips between his words, urging you to give into him for now.

“And,” peck, “we,” peck, “are.”

As if you could argue with that.

Their Bundle of Sunshine (Drake x MC)

[A little note: Not too long ago I received a really interesting request for MC going into labour with Drake in the room and them holding their baby for the first time. I finally sat down and just went with it. And by went with it, I mean it really kept going - until it’s gotten so long that it kind of spun out of control. I was bordering on the line of fear and excitement to post. And I suppose you could say it’s a set after Touch and Go, and An Official Announcement (NSFW) But this is really for you anon, and for anyone else interested in reading!]

[Summary: A perfect afternoon to stay in quickly becomes a day of activity and panic as Robyn (MC) and Drake welcomes their first child into Cordonia].

[Word Count:  4954  Lots forgive me this fic just sort of ran away with me]

Robyn stretches languidly beside Drake. Tucked under the crook of his arm inside the comfort of their bedroom; the moment her sleepy eyes slide open, she beams happily at the sight of him nestled beside her.

She loves waking up first, knowing it’s one of those rare moments where she’s allowed to indulge a more private view of her fiancé. Her ruffled marshmallow that has captured her heart almost since the day they met is irresistible in this state. It’s the kind of rarity he doesn’t show often, nor does he seldom show to anyone else but her.

She loves seeing the little barriers that sometimes still manages to hang between them disappear entirely seconds into falling to a deep slumber. He looks younger when he’s like this, happier too – almost as though the years they spent fighting for each other is nothing short of a distant past – belonging to people that have never experienced the hardships they’ve endured to get here.

His lips curve inside his sleep. It’s a smile that tugs at her heart. She watches intently before giving into the temptation to touch him.

She always starts with running fingers across his jaw. She marvels at how firm it is, how handsome his features have always been to her as they began sifting towards his lips. When she pauses by them, she feels his mouth curve again before falling open to nibble openly at her finger.

She gives a little surprised yelp while her stomach dips in delight. She laughs when she feels his strong arms shifting until they’re behind her. They encircle her waist seconds before dragging her on top of him. She goes willingly even though he’s careful with every touch. His hands are gentle, they run across her back soothingly; knowing exactly which spots to rub the most. With every insistent touch, Robyn melts a little more inside his familiar embrace.

He opens one eye to stare up at her, amused.

The sight alone is enough to catch her breath. Now that he’s all hers, she’s never felt more open in teasing and making him blush with the little endearments she’s always thinking. “Hello handsome,” she says breathlessly.

As though on cue, a small blush graces his cheeks as he smiles indulgently at her. “Morning’,” his voice is still tinged with sleep, but the rest of him seems awake. There’s no denying that at the feeling of his arousal pressing lightly into her hip. “You’re always such a beautiful sight to wake up to.” He murmurs, before tilting himself up enough to meet her lips for a kiss.

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Shifted - Part 7, Chapter 2

In Shifted, the premise is simple - what if Claire had gotten pregnant with Brianna a month or two earlier in the story, and she and Jamie had re-evaluated  their priorities and decided that the cause was lost, and they were able to slip away from the army and quietly return to Lallybroch?

Previous installments…

Part 7 - The Visitor

Lallybroch, Autumn 1762

“There’s been a stranger in the village these past few days.”

“Really? Where’d you hear that?”

Jenny’s eyes stayed trained on her knitting. “Weel, one of the lads at school told Katherine, and Katherine told Young Jamie, and Young Jamie actually met him yesterday.”

“Any idea where he’s from?” Claire turned the page of her herbal and continued transcribing the receipt for a salve to soothe aching joints. She had been tinkering with different ideas for how to improve the hand cream she’d made for Jamie – most of which he’d used up by now – so that it was not only fragrant but more effective.

“He’s Scots, from the sound of it. But a queer kind of Scots – Young Jamie said that he used words he’d never heard anyone use before.”

Claire stilled. “Did he say what, exactly?”

Jenny paused to rearrange the balls of yarn in her knitting basket. “No – ye can ask him at supper tonight, I suppose.”

Something cold ran down Claire’s spine – but before she could ask another question, William darted into the parlor.

“Mama! Mrs. Crook says she needs ye – one of the servants has burned her arm in the kitchen.”

Claire sighed and rose. “Fetch me the white jar from my surgery, please, love. I’ll go take a look.”


“I’ll go wi’ ye tomorrow,” Jamie said quietly, stroking her shoulder with his thumb.

Young Jamie hadn’t revealed much at supper – just that the stranger was, quite literally, tall, dark and handsome. Scots, but not from the Highlands. Educated, definitely. Clearly a city man, not a farmer.

And he had been asking whether there was an English healer in the area named Claire.

“For once I won’t argue with you,” she said softly. Her right hand rested in the center of his chest, body flush with his side. “Brianna told me today that she’d always known there was something different about me, in the way I speak. That I use words she’d never heard before, or read before.”

“William told me the same thing.”

“That’s exactly how Young Jamie described this stranger. That he used words he’d never heard before.” She paused. “Do you think – could it be another person like me?”

Jamie’s hand stilled and he tucked her tighter against his side. “I suppose anything is possible, Sassenach. But I won’t leave ye to go meet this man, unprotected. I dinna like how he’s asking for ye when he’s clearly not wounded. And if he’s come from your own time, weel.”

She sighed. “I suppose you know where he’s been staying, then?”

He smiled. “No’ much ever gets past me – the tenants always feel amiss when there’s a stranger in the neighborhood.” He paused, thoughtful. “Though when I think about it, they still feel amiss about you. So.”

He lowered his body so they were face to face on the pillow, noses touching. His hips moved to be flush with hers. Slowly, slowly his lips met hers.

He twined their fingers together, pressing his C to her J.

Claire gasped against his lips. He kissed her again.

She pulled back after a long moment. “When we touch there,” she breathed softly, licking her lips, “every time, it feels like – like I’m about to peak.”

He eased their joined hands downward and gently guided himself inside her. They both gasped.

“Slow, mo nighean donn,” he whispered. “Give me all your bonny noises. And know I will never, ever let anyone harm ye.”

Just Gals Being Pals // Natasha x Reader

A/N: my first request ayyyyy also this is Gay as hell because I’m bi so I’m all for wlw

Word Count: 1003

Warning: slight sexual mentions and a tiny bit of hot and heavy stuff

Originally posted by widowshields

Sunlight was streaming in through the windows, indicating that it was time for you to get up. You groaned, blearily blinking open your sleep ridden eyes and rolled over. Gently, you shook Natasha’s shoulder. She shot up, eyes wild but they softened the second they landed on you.

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The signs as G-Dragon “Crooked” lyrics:


I start fights for no reason like a town gangster
Sometimes, I purposely shake my leg, crookedly
The main characters of the movie called this world are you and me


I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked


I scream and get dizzy
I vent out of boredom to other couples


I didn’t know being alone would be this hard (I miss you)
Will you be my friend tonight?
On this good day, this beautiful day, this day where I miss you


I’ll put on thick eyeliner, use a whole can of hairspray
Leather pants, leather jacket with a frown


There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love


I used to believe in you alone and I was happy
But like a joke, I am left alone
You used to promise me with your pinky finger


You’re scared of my crude words and my rough eyes
But actually, I’m afraid, I want to go back but I have nowhere to go
I want to love but no one to love, what am I supposed to do?


A lonely island, lost and wandering
The empty streets are filled with those who are alone
Unlike my heart, the weather is so damn nice


Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed


Leave me alone
I was alone anyway


I want to hide my pain and become even more crooked
So you can feel sorry, I’ll spit toward the sky

anonymous asked:

Omg please do more Tozier Twins! Can you do one where y/n has a panic attack at a random time in school, and Richie finds out and tries to calm y/n down or something like that?

Haha an actual update!! Finally. 

Word Count: 1247

Warnings: Cussing and Panic Attacks

NOTE: We’re back in junior year of high school for this one! 

Confused on what’s happening? Check out the #tozier twins on my blog!!


Your P.O.V.

“Is Eddie here today?” You asked Richie as you two walked to your own classes. He shook his head.

“Nah, haven’t seen him. Didn’t sound to good yesterday, either.”

People made a passage for you two. You supposed it was because Richie’s now slightly crooked nose and your small scar made you two “pretty fucking badass”, as he had said.

Whispers swam around you, making you smirk. People still thought you were a loser, but now you were a loser that everyone talked about. Your five seconds of fame in high school had already gone to your head.

“Are those the Tozier Twins?”

“Yeah, man. They may seem wimpy, but I heard they can kick ass.”

You almost felt cool. Almost.

You two stopped in front of your classroom. Bill was already inside, chatting with Stan. Dorks. “I’ll see ya, Rich.” He pushed you inside, so you flipped him off.

Stan waved you over. You smiled big, ruffling Bill’s hair. “Whatcha talking about, nerds?”

Both of their smiles fell a little. “We were just wondering how Bev, Ben, and Mike are doing. We don’t… really talk to them.” Stan looked down at his hands.

A cloud passed over your mood. “Ben never even looks at me in the halls. And Beverly hasn’t answered my calls for, like, a year. Mike doesn’t even come to town anymore. It’s like they forgot us.”

Before they could respond, the bell rang. You trudged to your seat and slouched in it. You tried your best to listen to whatever the hell your teacher was saying. What class was this again…? Geometry?

You chose to stare out the window. The grass was so green, the sky so blue. It was the perfect day, and here you were, learning about something you’ll never need. High school is a special kind of torture, you concluded. Tedious and childish.

Turning your head, you watched the clock. 12:40 pm. Class was over in ten minutes. You thanked God for 50 minute courses. With the beat of the clock ticking, your pencil tap, tap, tapped on your desk.

Something caught your eye. You glanced out the window once more, and watched a small child skip down the sidewalk. Wasn’t she supposed to be in school? No, she was too little. You smiled at her little pigtails. The child was adorable.

She was holding something though. You couldn’t see it, exactly, but it was something. The child let it go. Instead of it dropping, it floated up. She was still gripping the string.

A small, red balloon glode behind her.

Your breath fell short. Oh shit, not now not now not now. Your stomach clenched, and your heart all but jumped out of your chest. Could your classmates hear it? Yes, they could. They could hear your heart pounding, and they were secretly making fun of you for it. You knew it. You just knew it.

‘I’m fine. I’m totally fine. Stay calm stay calm. Wait. Did that girl just look at me? She can hear my thoughts, can’t she? Stop thinking, (Y/N). Stop. Why can’t I stop? Why is it sooooooo bright? I wish it were darker. I love the dark.’

Your mind was spinning. You looked at the clock. It’s only been a minute. This needed to stop. Stop stop stop stop stop.

You shot up. Everyone’s eyes were on you now, making things even worse. Without a word, you walked out of the classroom, your teacher’s words trailing behind you.

“Ms. Tozier! Class still has five more minutes!”

Richie’s P.O.V.

The bell rang in his ears, making him jump. He had fallen asleep in class again, but the teacher must not have noticed. Usually, Ms. Miller would take away his chair so Richie would have to stand the rest of class.

He bolted out of the room, heading off to lunch. You two were supposed to meet outside the cafeteria, an arrangement you had come up with so Richie wouldn’t go smoking without you.

He didn’t see you, but Richie did see an extremely worried Bill and Stan. He walked towards them, a bit confused. “Hey, Billy-boy. Stan the Man. What’s up?”

They glanced at each other, then back at Richie. Bill spoke up. “We c-can’t find (Y/N). She ran out of class five min-minutes before the bell.”

Richie didn’t respond. He only pushed passed them, and ran off.

“I hope she’s okay,” Stan mumbled. Bill could only nod in agreement.

Your P.O.V.

You didn’t go outside. Why the hell didn’t you go outside? You were so stupid. Instead, you were hiding from the crowd in a stuffy janitors closet, crying.

Well, not crying. Your eyes were just watery from lack of breath. You gasped, but your pounding heart just kept on beating.

If not addressed, your panic attacks could last for thirty minutes or so. It had only been ten. That’s why you used Eddie’s inhaler. To breathe. You used to beg your dad for you own, but he never complied, so you stopped asking.

You were hyperventilating. Dust gathered in your lungs, but you couldn’t leave the closet. You didn’t think you could get up. Closing your eyes, you saw a balloon, and when you opened them again, it was still there.

No no no. Stop it stop it stop it. You needed it to stop. Please make it stop.

A loud knocking came at the door. “(Y/N/N)? Is that you? Open up!”

You shook your head, even if he couldn’t see you. “Go away, Richie!” You couldn’t hear your voice over your thoughts.

He didn’t listen, and instead opened the door. You began to breathe faster, and curled into a tighter ball. Instead of seeing your Richie, you thought it was the one from the sewers. You thought it was Pennywise pretending, like before.

“You aren’t Richie! Go away, god just go away! You aren’t the real Richie!”

He got on his knees, right in front of you. “Shit,” he mumbled. “Um… shit shit shit.” He wasn’t helping at all. “Hey, look at me. Look at me. It’s me. Same ol’ Richie. I even know your favorite song! You haven’t changed since middle school. It’s about ruling the world.”

You looked up at him, still panting. You began to cry. “We’re all gonna die, Rich. It’s gonna kill us. We’re all gonna die.” You hiccuped, trying to breathe.

He shook his head. “Is it okay if I hug you?” You thought for a second before whispering a little, “yeah”. Richie immediately embraced you, rubbing your back. “We aren’t gonna die.”

“Yes we are!”

“It’s okay. Shh, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Bookworm.”

You two stayed like that until your gasps were quiet. Whenever your mind thought of that summer, you steered it straight towards Richie. You kept your focus on him.

What would you do without Richie?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into his shoulder. He flicked your forehead, making you pout.

“Don’t apologize for shit like that. You… you aren’t the only one who got fucked by the sewers.”

You looked down, wondering what kind of pain Richie had to deal with because of the clown. “Can we go home? Almost passing out is kinda fricking exhausting.”

So you two snuck out of school, not thinking of the consequences. You could only think about what your Trashbag might be going through.

Drunken Ballads (Nessian)

Originally posted by loopedgifs

Anonymous requested: “ PLEASE do a short fic where nesta is dating and a guy brings her home drunk and cassian opens the door?? thanks bud”

A/N: this took FOREVER and I do apologize for that!!

Send me a request!


A loud pounding jolted me from my peaceful sleep. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand- it was nearly 3 in the morning. I reached across the bed, expecting to find Nesta curled up under the pile of blankets, but she wasn’t there.

Frowning, I sat up and scrubbed the sleep from my eyes. She’d gone to Rita’s with Feyre and Mor for a girls night, which wasn’t an unusual occasion. What was unusual though was the fact that she was still not home. She was usually back by 1, preferring to avoid the drunkards walking the streets after last call.

The banging sounded again, and I realized someone was at the door. “Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’!”

I trudged to the door and flung it wide. Squinting at the glare of the bright hallway light, I could just make out a figure leaning against the opposite wall.

“W’hey, babycakes!”

Well, that explained where she was. I blinked a few times, stepping out into the hallway to support her before she toppled over.

“Nesta? What the hell, are you drunk?” Someone cleared their throat, and my attention snapped to the stranger that I hadn’t noticed before. My guard instantly went up as I assessed them.

Male, probably mid to late twenties. Stocky build, blue eyes a bit clouded with alcohol, but alert. And… Carrying Nesta’s jacket.

“And who the fuck are you?”

“…Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of poooooop!”

Oh lovely, we had officially reached the level of drunk where singing loudly and off key at 3 am was acceptable.

“Oh, me? My name is Weston.” He shoved his free hand in his pocket, clearly intimidated by me. Which was a wise thing to be.

“…Take one down, passit ‘round- wait.” Her hand splayed on my bare chest, expression suddenly serious. I furrowed my brow, quickly scanning her for any sign of distress.

“What’s wrong, Nes?”

“What comes after ninety-two?” The man’s eyes flicked between Nesta and I, floundering for words.

“She’s been singing that the entire way home. This is the farthest she’s gotten so far.”

I scowled at him for good measure, inquiring, “Why, pray tell, are you with my girlfriend?” Scarlet stained his cheeks, and he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“Oh, uh well I uh-“ I rolled my eyes at his stammering and slung an arm around Nesta’s waist. Glazed, heavy lidded eyes glanced over my face and a crooked grin split her face.

“Well helloooooo handsome.” She bit her lip, quirking an appreciative brow as her eyes found my bare chest. “I don’t suppose you’d let me take you home, eh?”

“Nesta, I live with you.”

“Oh-ho, well aren’t I one lucky gal!” She patted my cheek, probably harder than she’d intended.

I rubbed my temples and sighed. Slowly walking her towards our apartment, I addressed the stranger. “Look mate, I don’t know what your angle is, but you’d better watch your back. If I find out you tried anything-”

“Oh, um no sir!” He held up his hands defensively. “No I uh, I just wanted to make sure she got home okay. Her friends went the other way out of the bar; I don’t think they noticed that she broke off.”

I made a mental note to call Mor and Feyre in the morning and bitch them out. Or better yet, wake them up with some nice, relaxing heavy metal music right outside their door. That’d really help their hangovers.

“Good. And give me that jacket.” I snatched it from his hand, shooting him one last glare before slamming the door in his face.

I led Nesta to the couch, letting her collapse into the downy cushions while I headed to the kitchen to grab her some water. By the time I returned, she had fallen asleep.

“Oh sweetheart, what am I gonna do with you?” Her mouth was hanging open, and she had already begun to drool. It didn’t go very well with the dress she was wearing.

I sighed, setting the glass of water on the coffee table and grabbed a blanket off our bed. I tucked it around her shoulders and took of her heels, careful not to wake her.

I settled in next to her, flicking on the TV. I wouldn’t be sleeping anymore tonight; I’d have to keep an eye on her.

“Cass…” She murmured, cuddling closer and resting her blonde head on my thigh. I smiled, smoothing a hand over her hair.

“I’m here, my love.” I chuckled, thinking back to the scene in the hallway. “I’ll always be here, even when you’re drunk off your ass and don’t remember who I am.”

anonymous asked:

65. You make me feel invincible- Victuuri! Go mar!!! 💖

Ahhh thank you! <3

This got longer than anticipated, whoops. 

(anime/yoi only blog: @viktorkatsuki)

“Viktorrrrrrr!” Yuuri leans in close enough that Viktor can smell the scent of alcohol riding the slurred syllables of his own name, and presses his hands to both sides of Viktor’s face. “How are your eyelashes so long?”

Viktor shrugs, grins at his very drunk boyfriend and reaches out to place a steadying hand on the small of his back. “I guess I was born that way!”

Yuuri squints. His cheeks are flushed and his stare is very, very intent on Viktor’s face. “They’re so long,” he marvels, clumsily tilts Viktor’s face this way and that, examining him from all angles. “Yurio! Come look at how long Viktor’s eyelashes are!”

“Hard pass,” Yurio answers. He doesn’t even look up at the two of them, his eyes glued to his phone, sitting in an armchair amidst the remnants of the dinner party their friends had left behind. 

Fortunately, Yuuri doesn’t seem too bothered. He just continues to examine Viktor’s face with the singleminded determination of someone discovering something magical and life changing. Sure, Viktor knows he’s handsome, but this is definitely mostly the liquor. 

Still, you’d have to be made of stone for Yuuri’s compliments to have no affect on you. Viktor is very decidedly not made of stone, and he’s not at all ashamed of the slight warmth he can feel blooming in his cheeks. What can he say; there’s no one in the world he’d rather compliment him than Yuuri. 

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capseycartwright  asked:

32 for that prompt list (because like. clothes swapping. 10/10)

“My clothes look good on you.”

It’s the sound of the kettle boiling that wakes Robert, a quiet pinging sound from downstairs. His eyes flutter open against the bright light in the bedroom, filtering through the thin curtains. His hands stretch out to his right, palm flat on the sheets; still warm. A smile forms on his lips as memories of last night run through his mind, showing up at the Mill for a movie night with Aaron while Liv is away at Gabby’s. Faint whispers in the darkness of the living room turning into gentle, brushing kisses, Aaron’s clammy hands grabbing at his own and tugging him upstairs, fingernails gripping into skin.

He hasn’t spent a full night here in months, the pair of them working themselves back together, figuring out how to actually be together. It had started slow; chatting over a coffee at Bob’s, pints with Vic and Adam after work. It was like they were boyfriends again, rediscovering each others little quirks, what makes each other tick, though it’s not like they needed much reminder.

Robert swings his legs off the side of the bed, scrunching his toes into the soft rug below him as he reaches over and grabs his boxers, standing up tall as he pulls them up his legs, glancing around the room for his shirt from last night, he was sure he had threw it off in the same direction as his trousers, which were currently haphazardly tossed aside in the corner of the room. He’ll chuck on Aaron’s dressing gown instead, the blue cotton wrapped tight around him as he descends downstairs, lightly stepping down as to not ruin the quiet.

It’s as he reaches the bottom step that he finally sees Aaron, the usually tension in his shoulders is missing, a literal weight lifted off of him as he potters around the kitchen. Robert glances down and smirks, Aaron’s drowning in Robert’s shirt. The blue material, already over-sized on Robert, reaches down to Aaron’s thighs, paired with tight black boxers. Robert casts his eyes over Aaron’s broad frame. Aaron’s new boxing hobby has done wonders for his arms, fabric hugging his biceps, pulled tight as he stretches out his arm towards the the teaspoon lying on the counter.

It takes five steps for Robert to reach him, wrapping his arms loosely around Aaron’s waist, the younger man jumping slightly as Robert tugs him closer to his chest, fingers scrunching at the shirt, bunching up the material in his hand.

“Robert! Don’t do that!” His voice is still gruff, deep with sleep as he scolds his husband. Husband.

“I’m not doing anything! You’re stood here all pretty, what am I supposed to do?” There’s a grin on Robert’s face as he gets closer to Aaron, tucking his chin in the crook of his neck.

“If you use the word pretty to describe me one more time, I will have to punch you in the face.” He’s blushing now, patches of red forming on Aaron’s neck.

“But you look so cute! My clothes look good on you.” Robert’s voice is high, teasing, as he mocks Aaron, moving apart from him slightly to dodge Aaron’s elbow that’s heading towards his rib. They’re swaying together slightly, finding comfort in being together in the quiet.

“You better shut up, or you’re never getting this shirt back.”

Robert presses his lips to the side of Aaron’s cheek, rough beard brushing against them.

“That’s not a problem with me.”

Heat (M)

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

A/N: There’s not enough sub!Jimin in this world so here’s something to add to that collection. This fucked me up big time. It’s pretty much PWP.

Words: 1,780.

Warnings: Sub!Jimin, Blowjobs, PWP, Minor swearing, Park Jimin in general tbh.

Keep reading


“It—Doc it felt like my entire body had gone stiff. Like every fibre of my being simply paused for a brief moment. It was the calm before the storm… the blanket of emotion which suffocated me and froze me in that horrific moment. 

The moment where a part of me died with them.

I suppose by now I should know many things happen in life that shouldn’t. People have fumbled around frantically searching for comforting words like ‘it will get better’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’, but if that’s the case then I don’t want to listen to reason. Because this reason is crooked… it ended a story which hadn’t even began. 

The story of me and Nomi… Alex, Des, Reagan and Mila… being happy.

This is something I have been trying to write for months and months. Forgive me if it goes astray from being coherent or making sense… but the last however long it’s been amount of months that I have been absent from your life has been a time of paradoxical strangeness, indifference and outright mental solitude and exhibition at the same time. I write in a way in which I am comfortable.. so if it seems outlandish, false or full of hyperbole then I apologize. At this moment in life, the catharsis of just putting these words finally out is already doing much towards my recovery.

This is for you… but more so for me.  

“…this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board washed and bound like crooked teeth…”

I suppose I should begin by apologizing, mostly to those who cared for me most.. those whom which I was deeply engaged with in one way or another, those who most likely felt abandoned upon my swift exit. I am truly sorry… and while apologies are words fleeting off into eternity, and while I could sit and try to explain myself, I don’t know how much it would matter. You can however take the absolutely barren feeling deep within my guts as an indication of how I feel about the impact I know i potentially caused.  

Sometimes what is most necessary in our lives is not what is comfortable or even right to others. Sometimes our greatest triumphs come from our worst tragedies. Sometimes you just cannot explain yourself, your actions, or your feelings in a way that makes sense to others. And that’s ok.

I didn’t know at the time how much and in what ways that grief would affect me. Unfortunately for others, it affected me in a way that ripped me out of everything from my comfort zone to my existence in your life. In all my endless diatribes and moments of influence and advice, I always advocated that it was okay to show weakness… to lean on those who love you, and in that moment when the reality of my own situation came into fruition… I failed.  

I failed to realize that it would be alright for me to show myself as vulnerable, and I failed to lean on you for the comfort and support I so desperately needed at the time. I failed you and everyone else who needed me most, and when I needed you all most I walked away and rejected what was openly available to me. For that… I am truly sorry.

To ask where I have been… is to look into the ocean.  

“….always running out of fight so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea…”

My life has been a raging crashing tempest, mixed with medication.. ups, downs, failures, progress and revelations. I never realized a person and their death from this earth could crush me the way it did.. especially given the circumstances. I spend so much time keeping myself shrouded in mystery and carefully constructed walls.. so I will be as transparent as possible.

Prior to his death, I had not spoken to him in a major amount of years. I had no resolve for the events of my childhood… for his absence in my life… for the things he did and did not do, and everything else in between. Like many and perhaps most reading this, my parents ended their marriage when I was rather young. What followed was years of ignorance, years of not knowing my worth to anyone… years of solitude and quest for significance. Along the way there were flimsy glimmers of hope… a random card here, a 20 dollar bill there, a passing wave while walking down the street… but otherwise he was content to his own, and I soon became to mine.  

As I grew older I developed this sense that I would never really know him, and in his final years I so desperately wanted to. Letter after letter.. call after call… all unanswered… all ignored.. and these fleeting blurry memories in my mind. The last time I saw him, he hugged me and told me he was proud of me. He smiled that big smile… and told me he would call.  

6 years of silence later, I saw him again for the first time… laying in a bed half covered and struggling for life. No one told me he had been sick, no one informed me that he had but moments to live. There are many would haves… could haves.. should haves…  

there are many never dids, never weres and now.. never will be.  

I never got to speak with him because he was never awake. I simply sat there that day clutching his large hands, softly stroking his falling out white hair… and wishing he would wake up and give me that huge smile… that his blue eyes like oceans would gaze at me. Every time I tried to leave that room, I couldn’t… I kept turning back. “He’s going to wake up 5 seconds after I’m gone.”… I had to be physically restrained and removed.

And he didn’t wake up.  

The funeral was overwhelming. Public. And that’s when everything was learned…  

How this person who was a ghost to me most of my life was so much to so many other people. How he was a superhero among his community and the communities of others. How he had helped so many other children, families and friends… how valued he was to everyone except me. Even the governor showed up.. the news… the papers.. … amongst the literal close to a thousand others who did to be washed in the media circus and the aftermath of a life that I was now finding out was actually well lived. Each with a story about him. Each with a laugh. Each with a smile.

But not me. All I had was a hastily put together book of pictures and clippings and remembrances. And even that would be taken from me.  

In the end I was left with nothing… and now all these months later…  

I still have nothing. And all I want is closure. And it is something that I will never have.  

“….we only have what we remember…”

I returned home and immediately went into grief counseling the same day. I fired my therapist for a new one.. I became medicated,… I took advice… changed the things in my life.. my eating.. my feelings.. got a therapy dog.. I did what I was told, advised and ordered.. fired my therapist again… and so forth and so on…. and I needed some time away.

But the more time I spent away, the further I slipped into myself… the further I slipped away from you, and this, and everything important to my life. The more guilty I felt for leaving… the more overwhelmed I became by the thoughts that everyone would be angry at me.. and the longer I was gone, the more I pushed myself farther.

Sometimes a person can live with such regret for their actions that it causes them to perform them more.

I never expected any of this.  

I never expected to feel the way I did. to end up how I did. to be gone so long. to be so isolated and gone. I didn’t feel worthy of having others depend on me for anything when I felt like I was nowhere near able to be dependable. My strength had been robbed.. my ability to be this strong pillar of value had gone away.

This one person in my life, who was never really in my life… affected it in such a way as to completely separate me from everything I knew and loved and my entire existence and made me question beyond reason…  and I will never have the answers I need. I crave. I deserve…  Yes, therapy has been going great… yes I have made many strides.. yes, I have changed in many ways… but…  

Its taken a really long time to find myself here again. To even consider myself able to be here.

Things still aren’t even anywhere close to how I want them to be mentally and emotionally… and they probably never will be. Because he cannot wake up to explain this life I have endured to me… he wont wake up to give me closure.  

They say that everyone grieves in their own way. I chose to make mine destructive to others by cutting the snake off at its head… I just didn’t realize how it would affect anyone in my life it until it was too late.  

And then I woke up yesterday… and felt I was able to sit down… and do what I had been wanting to do for a very long time.  

And then, I logged into my tumblr for the first time in 9 months…  

“…Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected our bones grown together inside our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided our spines grown stronger in time because our church is made out of shipwrecks from every hull these rocks have claimed but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change so come on y'all and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach…”

I spent the better part of my day yesterday going through 2000+ messages I have received since March. The well wishes, the love, the thoughts and expressions of gratitude. the pictures, the stuffies, the hundreds of PM’s… the puppies and kitties..the boobs, the butts, the smiles, the drawings..  the socks and knee highs.. the physical exhibitionist expressions of gratitude… the hamsters and snakes and gerbils..the anons and the faithful.. . the continuing follows and questions and request for bedtime stories.. the small paragraphs from those whose lives had been utterly changed just by spending 15 minutes reading my material… those who discovered me while i was gone and had their lives changed instantly.… the fact that on a daily basis I am still getting all of these, even though I have been an apparition for the better part of almost a year…. and for the first time since March, I felt sparks of Daddy space flickering inside of me. Since March I have been totally empty and desolate.

I discovered in my submissions, asks and pm section… in the 2000+ followers gained while I was away.. People still continue to care about me.. to wonder… to keep me in their thoughts. a truly humbling feeling considering that I expected to log in for the first time since March and see nothing but disappointment from everyone. I expected people to feel like I didn’t care about them. and that is absolutely not true at all. I laughed and cried.. I felt regret… I felt guilt and shame… I felt happiness and love… my jaw hit my desk a few times.. and ultimately I figured out that I do still matter. But then I don’t really know if I do…  

It all just leaves me asking for forgiveness… mainly for falling off for so long. mainly because I know the effects it had.. mainly because I feel absolutely wrecked and sick about it all.  

But what comes from pain and suffering is what you create from that pain and suffering. What is left over is what you decide. Its not easy, its not simple. Believe me.. my life is anything but simple in these last 9 months… but I discovered that this lifestyle will never leave me, even if I leave it. It will always be there, because it is who I am. It is what I am. It is everything I have ever been… so should I come back? Should I… even be worthy of returning?  

I guess I will wait and see… because this blog was always for you. the littles.. the daddies.. the struggling.. the hurt… the lost.. the broken and distraught. The ones just like yourself.. and just like me. And despite sometimes being a total jerk.. despite sometimes disappearing… despite all of my own problems… I always did everything I did to better the lives of others in so that they may succeed. I didn’t always achieve that goal.. and sometimes I probably even prevented it.  

And I am sorry.  Please… please please…. forgive me.

If I could go back to 9 months ago, tell myself then what I know now.. tell myself then how it would all turn out… and give myself that wisdom to be able to handle it all properly, then this would never have been written.  

But what’s done is how it was all meant to go down really, and our mistakes are not our failures. They are our lessons. some harder learned than others. cant change the ones I have made.. I can only hope that I will be able to make them right. I edited this writing 7 times over the course of 24 hours… and something in it probably still isn’t right, or doesn’t say what it should… or… is just…. rambling. Some of you may never understand… or, maybe you do all too well. I have no room to judge or say…  

“…come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever… we only have what we remember…”

… what do I do?

Do I come back?

Heartbreak | Preview

Pairing: Jimin x Reader x ??

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 208

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Originally posted by nochuie

“Did you ever feel like you have no place to go? Did you ever feel helpless and alone?”

Looking up at the dark sky, you observed the tiny raindrops as you thought about the things that were happening in your life. You run away. From him, your stupid family, and their stupid marriage contract. Yes, you were forced to marry him in order to be able to pay off your father’s debt. He was the rich boy and you were the poor girl. He wasn’t in love with you. Heck, he even hated you! Not that you cared. You were in love with someone else. That someone who was sitting beside you, his arms wrapped around your body, face nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

That someone, who was the brother of the person you were supposed to marry..

You took a deep breath and looked down at him. “What will happen to us? I can’t go back to that house..”

Placing a heartwarming kiss on your neck, he reached out for your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. “We can be each other’s home.”

Smiling at his words, you leaned your forehead on his and whispered. “I’ll be yours,” he kissed the tip of your nose and ended your sentence with his beautiful smile “and you’ll be mine.”