Sometimes it happens that I see people spreading certain beliefs and talk about certain ways of living (especially when it comes to spirituality) and lately I start to realize that I definitely found inspirational in the past, but they didn’t truly sink in. I understood intellectually that the ego is probably the main root of evil, that we’re too attached to our thoughts, that we don’t take enough responsibility for our own words, actions, lives. Of course I understood that in the very end I’m the only one who I need to work on, I’m the only one I can change. I knew it, but still I wasn’t truly able to act according to this understanding. I appreciated the Universe’s guidance when things went my way, when I didn’t like what was being presented to me, I was full of rejection and resistance. I still felt like a victim of all the negative people around me. It still disturbed my peace of mind when I was surrounded by people who were gossiping, who weren’t being grateful, who were treating others like they’re not worth anything. It felt impossible for me to achieve inner peace while things around me went wild. Instead of being accepting and doing what I can to stay calm on my side, I got all fired up, extremely shocked and mad that there are people in the world who don’t manage to be friendly and grateful - isn’t that ironic? In the same breath I was being angry and giving off a pretty bad energy myself.
Lately these quotes and ways of living that I always liked, but obviously never fully understood, start to make so much more sense to me, not only on a level of understanding them in my head, but truly feeling their meaning on a physical and energetic level. I understand now that no amount of will to change is enough if I don’t actually take action. I understand now that no level of self love is true and sincere or leads to the effects that I wanna see, if I still allow others to decide about my worth, wellbeing and happiness. It’s not self care if I still allow people to take advantage of me. I’m responsible for MY life, MY actions, for what I put in the world, for how I treat others, for MY level of inner peace. The world doesn’t owe me anything, people in my surrounding don’t owe me anything, including my parents, my best friends and my partner.
If it drives me crazy that others aren’t as grateful as I would like them to be, it’s up to me to shift my own focus away from them towards someone with a different mindset, one that matches better with my needs and beliefs. It’s not my job to make them understand what they’re doing. I’m not their teacher. It’s not a very mindful thing to do to shower them with my non-requested guidance and “wisdom”. It’s not true wisdom if it doesn’t reflect me seeing the other person’s needs and if it comes from an urge of me wanting to change them. In these moments it’s up to me to either focus on something more positive, someone more appreciative, or to accept the person they way they are. By trying to open their eyes to their behavior I’m pretending to know better and be better than them, I stop focusing on myself and the things I need to work on. By trying to tell them what to do I pretend to know I have it all figured out. But who am I to judge them? Who am I to know what’s right and wrong?
If I don’t like the vibe of someone and all that person is causing in me is tension, I don’t have to stick around. To stick around to argue and try to make things work over and over again is such a waste of energy on both sides. I can still see the worthy human in the other, but go my way.
That doesn’t mean I can’t speak up about injustice. It doesn’t mean I can’t tell another person if they’re being unfair or rude. But I have to be honest about the motives. I have to be honest with myself. More and more I start to understand how important it is to take care of my own baggage first, to wash my own dirty laundry before I try to criticize someone for their uncut lawn. It’s not my job, it doesn’t match with what I believe in. I admit that more often than i realized it probably came from wanting to feel powerful rather than the pretentious wish to help. If I truly wanna help, I take care of my own stuff and only give advice when advice is requested by someone.
If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.
…because people who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation. It’s a way for people to be honest without telling the truth.