the will to change men



Think about it this way: you are fifteen. You have a group of friends for the first time in your life, and have had them long enough now that you are starting to fall in love with them, to feel desperate and giddy and stupid with affection for them. Your parents have been divorced your whole life, and so you have shuttled back and forth, bending your attitude and your voice depending on where you are. You have been bullied most of your life, and so you have stuck to your books and make-believe worlds and spent as little time as possible in the real one.

You are, for the first time in your life, starting to consciously try to figure out who you are. It is much easier to figure out who you are not.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.

When you were twelve, angry cruel men flew planes into buildings and the world changed completely - before you even knew what the world was like. Other men, these ones selfish and cruel, responded to the first planes with planes of their owns, and bombs, and soldiers. They took a tragedy and used it for their own gain, illegally invading a country for money and to finish what one man’s father had started, and they spilled immeasurably more blood in the process.

You grow up a child of war, but it is not the kind of war your grandmother talks about, those days she calls you by her sister’s name and tells you about the London bomb shelters. The lines are blurred in this one and it feels like both sides are the bad guys.

You are not having very much luck figuring yourself out, but you are beginning to figure out the tiniest bit about the world, and you do not like what you see. You do not like that innocent people are dying, you do not like the things you hear being said by powerful people, you do not like how unfair the world is or being told that “this is just the way things are”, you do not like the expectations being placed on you, or the paths you are supposed to take, or the things you are supposed to care about.

It’s not a way that’s meant for me. 

You are so, so angry, all of the time. You carry your discman everywhere you go and play your music loud enough to drown out the world around you. You spend a lot of time in the school counselor’s office. You yell at your parents. You scribble furious, hurting words in your notebooks and on your shoes and down your arms.

(Years later, you will find these words, written by Anne Carson, and you will be slammed with recognition so hard and fast that you will sob out loud on the bus: Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.)

Right now, though, you are starting to find the first inklings of another recognition. It comes first in punk music, in bands that channel their fury into aggressive melodies and bitter lyrics. It comes again, harder, with your discovery of the Beat Generation, of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg and Gary Snyder and all these wild, free men tripping across their country and around the world and making art.

Even though you want to be a poet, it is the freedom that appeals to you the most. You look at these musicians and writers that you look up to and you see an alternative to the way that you know you do not want to take. You see groups of friends who found each other and made something real and and brave and true. 

You think that maybe you and your friends could be like that.

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

When this video comes out, you record it off the music network and you watch it over and over again. You look at it and you see three friends on a wild road trip just like Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty. You see a group of weirdos and freaks and geeks and people who do not fit into moulds, and you love all of them, are in love with several of them. (You realize quite quickly that the one you find the most attractive is Tré Cool in his green sequin dress but you don’t really dwell on that very much.)

You listen to “Holiday,” to the entire album it comes from, so much that even several years later you could write out every lyric from memory, without listening to the songs or stopping. You are, you think, starting to figure out who you are.

- Jacqui // @sandovers


Okay but beyond the Stokcholm Syndrome discussion, she finally nails what I was trying to get at with this post. Even in modern “feminist” Disney films, such as Moana, the character arcs are nearly always about the men. Who changes in Moana? Not Moana. She’s the same person she was at the end as she was at the beginning, albeit better at sailing. The person who changes is Maui. And this is true in Tangled and The Princess and the Frog as well. Women exist to change the men around them, even if the story is ostensibly about the woman’s “journey”. But they don’t find themselves at the end of their journey, because they always knew themselves, and that self is a hardworking kind generous person. They never had to struggle to get there like the men in their life. Men are allowed to be imperfect, while women have to be perfect from the start.

I’m trying to think of any Disney woman who starts out selfish and reckless and, through the help of a man, becomes a better person by the end. All that comes to mind is maybe Lilo, though she is helped by her sister and an alien, and she is also a child. Female children, I find, are allowed to be real people way more than their adult counterparts. This is true in Inside Out as well, where a girl is allowed her anger and frustration and change because she is prepubescent and therefore not expected to start making men better people through the power of her friendship or beauty or whatever.

I think this is why ATLA meant so much to me. Katara and Toph and even Mai all had their problems– and they worked through them. Their struggles weren’t expected to expedite the salvation of the men in their lives, but were instead journeys to figure out what they stood for. What Katara wanted in the beginning was not exactly what Katara wanted at the end. Also, even RARER, Aang was a good influence on her and the other women/girls he met. He played the role that Disney girls play for their love interests– by helping them along their own character arc so that they could find themselves. He even helped Zuko a lot, which is nuts. Boys? Helping other boys discover themselves through generosity and kindness? Amazing. Truly.

anonymous asked:

This is why I hate those abortion arguments that are like “it’s the mother’s choice”…it is, you absolute piece of shit asshole. The baby doesn't come out of the man's body. IT COMES OUT OF THE WOMAN'S BODY. Pregnancy in humans is extremely taxing and life changing. Men do not have any say about whether a woman should get an abortion or not, ok? It's her body. HER BODY. That is pregnant. Not the man's. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

It takes two to tango. You wouldn’t have gotten pregnant without him. The baby shares the fathers’ DNA and therefore the father has just as much of a right.

I would like to point out real quick that after posting my last reply-fic, the Tumblr ads immediately changed to Saxx men’s underwear, Delta Airlines, and Duvet covers.

Like, I get using cookies to track content to tailor advertising, but that was really fast. Like 60 seconds.

you all need to think about how you interact with trans men online, like really think

recently one of my posts about being a trans man and casually interacting with another trans man got about 90,000 notes and the tags and comments are full of ‘too pure for this earth’, ‘i’m a dirty sinner i don’t deserve to read this post’, ‘adorable cute sweet precious boys’ despite the fact that it’s mentioned that i am in college and not a child in the post and you all need to think about how some trans men do not want to be referred to that way and being okay with being referred to that way is pretty much exclusively a young teenager tumblr thing that makes a lot of guys uncomfortable. i’m just a man. none of this is necessary and it’s very performative, but…

along with this infantilizing, with this obsession with the proposed purity of another man and myself just for existing, there’s also dehumanization that comes with it, for example:

somewhere along the post, someone decided it would be a good idea to add, ‘all i can imagine is two eldritch horrors trying to get their voices as horrifying and fucked up as possible’ (not exact quote but that’s the gist of it)…

and someone decided that it would be a good idea to take my experience, wildly change the context and make a FANFIC, on MY OWN POST, of two eldritch MONSTERS upset because their voices didn’t sound ‘as horrific’ as the ‘monsters’ around them, and bonding over it together. nowhere in this fanfiction was being trans mentioned.

this is, quite possibly, the most horrifying thing someone has added to one of my posts and going beyond dehumanizing my experiences as a trans man enjoying my voice getting deeper, but also writing a fanfiction onto the post that changed the context of ‘two trans men finding validation between one another and our voices’ into ‘two monsters are sad they’re not scary enough and bond over trying to be scary together’. i shouldn’t have to explain how horrible that is for me to read, and how horrible it is to see that added on my own post & circulated through hundreds with no criticism.

quite frankly, it’s devastating to see how people talk about and interact with trans men. we are either children who must be protected and are weak and vulnerable and ‘too pure’, or we are fuel for your fanfics that completely strip us of our humanity. i consent to neither and if you think that any of these things are okay to do to a complete stranger, all you’re doing is patting yourself on the back for your performative ally points while making trans men uncomfortable with sharing their experiences and talking about their lives and trying to be happy with themselves. stop it. 

Shout out to the girls who don’t wear makeup

Shout out to the girls who have never worn makeup and don’t want to “just try it, you feel great”

Shout out to the girls who used to love wearing makeup and now don’t

Shout out to the girls who know nothing about contouring and highlighter and winged eyeliner

Shout out to the girls who don’t wear makeup

Using genealogy to find your trans-cestors

My grandpa does genealogy for fun and he just emailed me about my great grandmother’s great-great-granduncle who was born Sally Strout in Maine, 1791-1871. He identified as male rather than female and went to the lawmakers of Maine to ask them to recognize him as male, allow him a name change and to be allowed to marry a woman. This caused a lot of hoopla since that just wasn’t done at the time, but in the end Albion Peter Strout got his name change and gender recognition, and legally married a lady, Mary Dorsett, on August 31st 1835. He was well thought of by his peers and owned a tavern and sawmill in Buxton, Maine.

We have ALWAYS existed and the historical records are there to prove it. Genealogy is a great resource for learning about our trans ancestors (and LGBTQ+ too!) and it should be used to its fullest potential. Now I know I have a confirmed trans guy related to me who lived 200 years ago and not only had the respect of his town but even got the law on his side in a time when people like him weren’t taken seriously!! Dig around and see what you find about your own family history. Even if you hate your family that’s living, you may find some amazing and inspirational relatives who have passed on.

Beefy Seb vs Athletic Seb

I want to clear something up, as today one of my friends on here got insulted because she stated she preferred Sebastian in his skinnier/more athletic physique than when he was really bulked up for Bucky in CACW.

Exhibit A
This is Beefy Seb:

Seb bulked up, and trained like MAD for his role in Captain America: Civil War, after feeling pressure to have the same massive body type as Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie.
It was hours of training including 4am starts, strictly regimented diets, and a dedication to the job that most actors wouldn’t even consider. 
Is it wrong to like him and find his body attractive? No. As a fan it would almost be an insult not to appreciate him like this, simply as an acknowledgement of the hard work he put in.

Now, onto our next Exhibit:

Exhibit B:
Skinny Seb:

Now, i don’t really want to label this ‘skinny Seb’. Really from what i can tell this is his almost ‘natural’ state (it was also taken a few years ago). Is it wrong to prefer him like this? No. I would imagine he was/is a little more carefree when he’s not having to train like mad, when he can relax and be himself. When his accolades come from his acting ability rather than his looks. (although he deserves a fucking oscar for his role as Bucky IMHO).

Okay, still with me? Decided you want to send me some anon hate only to discover i don’t accept anon messages? Oh dear, you’ll just have to keep reading and stew in your own vitriol instead. 

Exhibit C:
Current 2017 Seb

Current Seb. Or as i like to call it ‘Seb that destroyed most of China’s ovaries in one go thanks to this weibo selfie’. He’s still got his athletic build (last seen in The Bronze), but has also put in the work to bulk up (note: he now has wings made of muscle), but not uncomfortably so. You can see that his face shape is changing, he’s growing into his features that a lot of men do when they reach their 30′s. Proving that he got a good deal when he sold his soul to the devil (there’s no way someone can be this handsome by luck) he got the better end of the deal.

But you know what? None of the above matter. He is still the lovable dork that answers fan’s questions on social media, that takes the time to stop his car when he’s been filming a movie all day, just to stop and say Hi to a fan that has driven a long way with her family on the off chance she might meet him. 

He’s still the guy that is so dedicated to his work he will grow a mustache that gives us all very guilty Magnum PI flashbacks

He’s the guy that is scared of a Squash Ball

He’s the guy that has the weirdest ever facial expression when blowing birthday candles out.

And we love him for who he is. Our Sebby. Our Romanian Dork. Our Beefy Bucky. Our Sebastian. And you can love him however you want.

Originally posted by heatherpotter

anonymous asked:

I'm straight but I think you should really stop talking about being gay so much. It doesn't help the LGBT community at all, and it's really quite excessive.

‘i’m straight but…..’

I, a Gay, would just like to say, with my Gay Voice, that you, a Straight™ (ie not Gay like me), have no right to tell me, a Gay, that me talking about my Gayness is excessive.

Do I, a Gay, complain, with my Gay Voice, when Straights™, being not Gay like me, marry someone they don’t love and cringe every time they see a Gay Couple, like me, a Gay, kiss or hold hands, in a Gay Way

Do I, a Gay, complain, with my Gay Voice, when Straight Cis Men™ refuse to even change a diaper or make their own meals? Do I, a Gay, complain, with my Gay Voice, when Straight Cis Women™ laugh uncomfortably when Gay Folk refer to their partners as wife/husband/spouse, in a Gay Way

Do I, a Gay, complain, with my Gay Voice, when Straights™ use slurs as jokes to prove how Straight™ they are because ‘Haha, Chad, don’t worry, I’m not a homo!’? 

Do I, a Gay, complain, with my Gay Voice, when Straights™ whine about having too many Gays, like me, on television, because it’s ‘not realistic’ that so many people are Gay, like me, a Gay?

I mean. Those are bad examples because I, a Gay, most certainly do complain, with my Gay Voice!

In conclusion…

Shut the fuck up. I’ve been in the closet for almost two decades. If I want to talk about my gender and sexuality, I fucking can. :) Sweetie :)

~I’m Gay~

(please note my use of Straight™)


It happens, stuff like that. Often the answer is just ‘delete John and write Jane’, I don’t think you need to 'write for women’, per say. You don’t need to write about shoes and babies and periods. Women have brains the way men have brains. If you just change the name of the character; that’s what Angelina Jolie did with Salt, which was a role originally for Tom Cruise. I think male writers maybe panic that they can’t write female characters too much. Just change John to Jane.

i can never fully express how inspiring and vital is seeing older butch lesbians to me. when i see them i know there’s a future for people like me, i’ll never have to be feminine, i’ll never have to like men and i’ll never have to change my identity, i can be a woman and be unfeminine and not like men for the rest of my life. im not alone and it’s okay to be who i am