the wicked wench

{Okay. I saw the new POTC trailer. And during the flashback part, the Wicked Wench was flying a black flag when Salazar looked through the spyglass. So I decided to edit the image by giving the Wicked Wench an East India Company flag. Just to please the POTC fans who read the book The Price Of Freedom. So enjoy.}

Cleaning up after the mess that is PotC 5 *UPDATED*

Ok so I was thinking about how they completely screwed the lore up for Jack Sparrow, so I’m gonna have a go at piecing together his origin story, among other things. Please poke holes/ tell me where I’m wrong because I want to get this refined.

  • Problem: Jack’s compass was bartered from Tia Dalma, but in 5 he got it from a crewman. Solution: Jack did, in fact, get the compass from the crewman but later lost it at sea when Beckett sank the Pearl. It came to Tia Dalma (Calypso) who recognised its power and Jack had to later barter it from her to retrieve it.
  • Problem: the Wicked Wench was shown as a pirate ship, but Jack worked for the navy (’people aren’t cargo’ scene). Solution: The Wench was a pirate ship when she was under control of the previous captain seen in 5, but when he died and she became Jack’s ship, Jack decides to join the navy and work under Beckett (he was still very young + not yet branded and probably saw it as the best thing to do). When Beckett asked Jack to ship slaves, he liberated them, got branded, etc. and the ship sank. This explains the pirate flag in 5 and also the problem of ‘Why would Beckett sink a navy ship just to get back at Jack?’ Jack goes on to make a deal with Davy Jones and you know the rest. 
  • UPDATED Problem: Jack is a gallant hero and very intelligent, so why was he ‘drunk’ the whole time? This one really pisses me off personally Solution: it’s been however-many years since Jack has been on sea, as we saw in one of the scenes the thing he desires most is to sail again, so it could be excused that he wishes to drown his sorrows 24/7, considering he’s no longer a ‘wanted’ or famous pirate, he doesn’t have a ship or much of a crew and his friends aren’t in contact with him. *ALSO Angelica has the voodoo doll of Jack, as seen at the end of 4. This could be the reason for his misfortune and *ahem* strange behaviour. Thank you to the person who suggested this to me!
  • Problem: Why does Will Turner have barnacle-face when we know that this only happens to those who do not fulfil their duty (i.e. Davy Jones)?  Solution: Will did not have barnacle-face up until that point. It could be assumed he was doing his job well and then noticed Henry was drowning and stopped ferrying the dead in order to save him, i.e. as soon as he ‘crossed-over’ he gained the barnacles. This would explain why Will only had a few barnacles and not ‘transformed’ like Jones.
  • Problem: Why is Elizabeth in a dress and corset when the whole point of the first movie was freeing her from it? AARGH I hate this one aswell, completely undermines Elizabeth. Oh wellSolution: Elizabeth felt it necessary to return to civilization to raise Henry, she did not want him involved in piracy for his own good and therefore didn’t talk about Jack. At the time, a woman such as Elizabeth would have been known in civilized culture as ‘governor’s daughter’ rather than ‘pirate king’, so she has to live up to this name in order to be accepted in that society (remember we’re talking 18th century here). She doesn’t have her husband, Jack or even mentor!Barbossa to help ‘free her’ from these expectations
  • EDITED Problem: When, in the time between being cursed, dead, looking for Jack, joining the navy and controlling the ocean did Barbossa have time to have a wife and child? Solution: After the events of AWE,  he had Smyth as a wife, who later became pregnant and died in childbirth, afraid that Carina would be worse off as a pirate girl, and, of course, out of a sense of his merciful nature caring dad!Barbossa left Carina at the orphanage. Barbossa then joins the navy. (thanks to everyone who pointed out my mistake)

Please bear in mind that I am not defending Pirates 5, just trying to clean up the mess. Add your thoughts and drink up me hearties, yo ho! ( @dhiatzs


Beckett organized a search for the mythical island of Kerma, hoping to find its legendary treasure. However, the quest for Kerma didn’t succeed because he was betrayed by Captain Jack Sparrow, the man he trusted enough to place him in charge of his own ship, the merchantman Wicked Wench. Not only Sparrow didn’t bring him the bearings of Kerma, but he also liberated a cargo of slaves which Beckett’s patron Lord Penwallow needed for his plantation in the Bahamas. Since Sparrow’s act ruined his chance to join the British nobility, Beckett ordered his men to burn the Wench and personally branded Sparrow as a pirate.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (or Salazar’s Revenge ugggh what even is that change of name) spoilers (sorry for not using the ‘read more’ cut but I’m on my phone and it’s not showing)

  • first of all: THEY DARED TO KILL CAPTAIN HECTOR BARBOSSA, RIGHTFUL CAPTAIN OF THE BLACK PEARL AND PIRATE LORD OF THE CASPIAN SEA (AGAIN!!!!!) What the hell was even that dead???? The best character in this entire franchise deserved a much better written death than just dying because of the cliché plot of the “long lost daughter” PLEEEEASE. The Hector Barbossa I’ve known for the past 14 years wouldn’t have cared about having a daughter, he only cared about himself. 
  • Which leads me to the next stage: denial. HAHAHAHAHAH HE’S NOT DEAD. He became the richest fucking pirate in the entire world and we all know about his obsession with becoming immortal: Barbossa totally went back to Isla de Muerta and grabbed a few pieces of the Aztec treasure AGAIN. Exhibit A: we see him eating some sweets but not apples because he wouldn’t dare to eat his most beloved food without feeling its taste in his mouth. Exhibit B: He’s Barbossa, he’s the greatest and the one truly pirate in all these movies. He can’t be dead. “It’s a pirates life, Hector”❤️
  • Now going back to the plot…. Javier Bardem was a cool villain (better than Blackbeard, but never like my beloved Barbossa and Davy Jones*)
  • Kaya Scodelario and the Brendon (or Brandon???) Tw-something cannot act. Sorry children.
  • Jack Sparrow was the least interesting part of this movie of course, but I’d like to point something about him: there are some POTC books (which were considered canon) and they had a much more interesting backstory for Jack. He worked for the East India Trading Company and was in charge of a ship, the Black Pearl or as it was known before, The Wicked Wench. Beckett (you know, the villain from the previous movies) wanted him to trade with slaves and Jack refused, reason enough for Beckett to sink The Wicked Wench and mark Jack with the P of “Pirate” in his arm. In exchange, Jack seems to have hit Beckett so hard between his legs that he ended up as an eunuch (the scene in Dead Man’s Chest when Will asks Beckett which mark did Jack leave on him also strongly implies it). In the end, while the ship was sinking and Jack was dying, he made his deal with Jones to bring back his ship as the Black Pearl and he sailed under pirate flag. So yeah, that was a much interesting. Which leads me to…
  • Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the plot of the previous movies, part 1: TIA DALMA GAVE JACK THAT FUCKING COMPASS, HE DIDN’T GET IT FROM A DYING MATE. In Dead Man’s Chest she clearly says “The compass you bartered from me it cannot lead you to this?”. Do your homework dear script writers; see the previous 4 movies.
  • I WAS FORCED TO PAY TO SEE A MOVIE WITH ORLANDO BLOOM ONLY TO SEE HIM 3 MINUTES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? I knew he wasn’t going to be a lot in the movie, but hey! At least I thought that since the movie was motivated FOR him, we would see him a bit more.
  • Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the plot of the previous movies, part 2: Davy Jones and his crew looked all fish-y because Jones wasn’t doing his job of reaping the souls of those who died at the sea. Will Turner would have never stop doing his job, plus according to the post-credits scene in At World’s End, 10 years after he became the Captain of the Flying Dutchman, he looked the same. And wasn’t the first scene in this movie 8 years after this (according to those papers Henry had)??? Uggh, I hate lazy writing.
  • I loved to see my beautiful Pirate King, Elizabeth Swann but couldn’t she have had some dialogue??? It’s not so hard. At least, the Turners got their well-deserved happy ending (where is Bootstrap Bill Turner tho??? he should have been with Will at the Flying Dutchmen)
  • The movie had its fun moments and some great moments (Barbossa *cough cough*) but overall, the script was very poorly written. Pirates of the Caribbean holds a very special place in my heart since I was 8 years old, but the last 2 movies shouldn’t have existed.
  • * THAT! POST! CREDITS! SCENE! It was AMAZING. It kept me on the edge of my seat. It was so so good. I’m willing to tolerate another movie just to be revealed that after all the sea curses were broken, Calypso brought Davy Jones back. 

ellimpala  asked:

first, LOVE your blog =) Always a pleasure :3 second, can you recommend any fics where Danny's secret is out or about to be found out? like you know, Valerie or his parents or the school finding out and how he deals with it? that would be great =)

yeah okay so lemme tell you a secret;;;;;

revelation fics are my guilty pleasure


now I’m not sure whether you want most of the fic to be about the process of people finding out or most of the fic to be Danny dealing with his shit or if the revelation is just a side part of the fic so HERES ALL OF THAT

Phantom’s Sketchbook by AkoyaMizuno

Masks and Plunge by Cordria

Of Field Trips and Phantoms by Ironinkpen

A Secret Uncovered by Darth Frodo

Little Earthquakes by A Perplexing Puzzle

You Should Be Dead by SaphireDragon11

The Reality of Virtuality by Artgirl4

Secrets Revealed by RedHeadsRock1010

The Scrapbook by Dragon Elexus

Something Special by Tay1019411

Tortured Truth by Darth Frodo

The Right of It by The Wicked Wench of the West

Green Jacket, Red Sleeves by LunarMothim

Connections and Confessions by Lynse

Unexpected Revelation by TallieCat

The Great Experiment by Kagome51

Karate, Judo, KungFu, What was That? by Artgirl4

A Jock and a Hard Place by AnneriaWings and Haikujitsu

Vulnerable by Anneriawings and Haikujitsu (its been years and I’m still screaming about this fic oh my god)

Danny? Phantom? and He’s a Fenton? by Erratta

Critera of Life by Darcyjackal

Stargazing by EverAfterGirl

Sounds in the Dark and In the Light of Day by Sleepyreader13

In the Stitching by Colette Amelia

Shift by CaptainOzone

Adjustment by Michael J.J

A Gift of a Heart by Alexa Piper

Disclosures by Me The Anon One

Photoshop by sarahhaley

Life and Death by Erratta

Jack Fenton’s Son by what-happened-2-nice

Detention at Starbucks by zizzy333

The Bruises by YAJJ

Do Superheroes Exist? by Golden Lunar Eclipse

Reality by Alexa Piper

Dangerous Trust by Tay1019411

Mother’s IntuitionLike Father, Like Son, and To Live and Learn by nycorrall

Not So Simple by Ella.Rose.x

Couldn’t be any Prouder by May-Rene

Dog Tag and Check-Ups by Happyleif

The Return by inukagome15

Mount Ivory by MoonrockBlink1772

Autograph by sarahhaley

A Thermos for Valerie by Bluemoonalto

Insight View by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina

Psychoanalysis by Eelfie

Ghostly Lament by SummersSixEcho

Crashing and Burning by GriffinRose

Not A Ghost by SerasianWind

Just a Night by CaptainOzone

No Exit by Elle Aitch

I Used to Love ThreeDay Weekends by zipporah grace

Karma has a Sense of Humor by Vitaliciouscreations

Endings and Beginnings by Cordria

Lurking Shadows by QuickWren

An Unlikely Alliance by Represent

Going Up by Danny Phantom SG-1

Dancing Lights by DizzlyPuzzled

Fatigue by DBack47

The Heartbeat After by Platonic

oooh boii this got even longer than the last one uhhhhh sorry??

OH and heres a bunch of field trip fics because I didnt really include any about the school finding out his secret

Stranded With My Class by RedHeadsRock1010  

Strength by WildFireBurnsTheForest 

Backpack by Coronalgnis 

Of Field Trips and Phantoms by Ironinkpen 

A Phantom Marooned by LordPugsy 

Field Trip by Destiny Obake 

Journey of Secrets by WolfKael  

The Elevator Game by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina 

Freeze Out by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina (Sequel to The Elevator Game) 

Entering The Mind Of An Unsuspecting Halfa by I heart the Hitachiin twins 

Personify: Into The Mind by NoSignalBlueScreen 

The Survivalists by Unlucky Alis

Accidental Portal by Emmazippy577 

Misery Island by lilyt789 

Worst Ski Trip Ever by sourpopsicles15 

have fun!!!!

Thoughts on POTC5

Not that anyone cares, but I’m very conflicted about how to feel with the new Pirates movie. Spoilers ahead, obviously. Overall, the plot was cool, I really liked the villains, and the stunts and special effects were incredible. But one thing is bothering me so much that I really can’t overlook it, even in light of all the super cool features I just mentioned.

They undid Jack Sparrow’s entire origin story??

Like, I get that this isn’t a big deal for people who aren’t massive fans like I am, but the reason I love Jack Sparrow so much is that he is the definition of chaotic good. Jack Sparrow became a pirate because he refused to carry slaves on the cargo ship the Wicked Wench, and so as punishment, he was chained to the ship as it was lit aflame, and left to die (which is when he made a deal with Davy Jones to resurrect the Wench and turn it into the Black Pearl). 

In the flash-back seen between Salazar and Sparrow, there is a purposeful shot revealing that the ship Jack is on is, in fact, the Wicked Wench. However, it is clear that he is not in charge of this ship (until the captain dies, of course). At first, I was thinking this was pre- East India Trading Co. Era, but in the middle of the scene, Jack hoists a pirate flag on the ship. So now, apparently, the Wicked Wench was always a pirate ship? I mean, this can’t have been post-slave incident, because after that the ship became the Pearl. 

So, essentially, the script writers just…skips over that narrative, I guess? Not to mention that in this movie, Jack gets his compass from some random ass dude, when it was canonically mentioned in the second movie that he got the compass from a barter with Tia Dalma…

And you know what? It pisses me the fuck off. Jack Sparrow isn’t some “accidental” pirate who just so happens to inherit a compass. He was a purposeful, decisive young man who took a stand against a system he knew was wrong, and died for his beliefs. He may be spineless and cunning at times, but he does have a heart. He literally laid down his life for those slaves, and its a damn shame that we don’t get to officially see that.

Now, I’m not saying that this movie completely erases that narrative; this flash-back might somehow weirdly fit in the given timeline, but the fact that it wasn’t properly explained or explored is just shitty. What they essentially do is, they give the super-nerds, people who love this universe, a small glimpse at this origin, but then leave it up to the audience to either decide that this new information replaces the canon story we’ve been told before, or they must figure out some odd way to fit it into the story we’ve been told with The Price of Freedom. Either way, it’s just thrown in there. I would have totally been fine with the scene if they weren’t on the Wicked Wench. Like, if they were on just a regular ship, I’d totally believe everything. But no, the scene takes place on a ship that will later become the infamous Black Pearl, and you’re telling me it was a pirate vessel from the beginning? Bullshit. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t see the movie. Please, go see the movie. It’s a great movie! Johnny Depp is such a great man and I was so incredibly thrilled to see him on screen reprising one of his best roles. Go and make your own judgements for yourself. Just know that Jack Sparrow has much more depth than what we’re given in this movie.

       okay so let’s write a novel talk about actual trainwreck of a character Jack Sparrow in this movie. so there are spoilers under this so don’t read if YOU DON’T WANNA BE SPOILED because I’ve been waiting months to write this and now I finally can:

Keep reading

Jack Sparrow Reminders

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow does not wear eyeliner. It’s kohl. It keeps his eyes from sunburning. It’s an African / Southeast Asian / Mediterranean thing.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow was not mad that Elizabeth burned the rum because he’s lol-an-alcoholic. He specifically mentions three things: food, shade, rum. The three things that are likely to kill them: hunger, exposure, dehydration. You die in three days without water. Of course Jack is fucking pissed.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow referred to James Norrington as The Help during Dead Man’s Chest. Friendly Reminder that this is not a new development in how Jack treats his crew. Friendly Reminder that Jack made Norrington swab the deck with his own wig.

– Friendly Reminder that, while Hector Barbossa was his First Mate, Jack Sparrow once threw a bowl of soup at him and broke his nose. Friendly Reminder that, while his nose was still broken, Jack Sparrow then made fun of Barbossa for being Pirate Lord of the Caspian Sea.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow went to London to save Mr. Gibbs from being killed. Friendly Reminder that Jack then left London without Gibbs. Friendly Reminder that Jack doesn’t feel bad about this.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow didn’t know for sure that Teague was his father until he was in his 20s.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow’s grandmama often took care of him as a kid. Friendly Reminder that she gave him thrashings so bad, he was nearly beaten to death three times. Friendly Reminder that said grandmother locked Jack in the brig of her ship when he was eight

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow joined the EITC for a few years. Friendly Reminder that Jack worked directly under Cutler Beckett. Friendly Reminder that Beckett made Jack transport slaves despite Jack’s express wishes otherwise.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow set free nearly 200 slaves. Friendly Reminder that Beckett branded Jack a pirate for setting those slaves free.

- Friendly Reminder that when Jack Sparrow saw the Wicked Wench for the first time, he stood on the docks for two hours just staring at her. Friendly Reminder that when Jack was branded a pirate, Beckett burned the Wench.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack made a deal with Davy Jones to have the Wench raised back up. Friendly Reminder that the Wicked Wench was then renamed the Black Pearl.

Madness or… Brilliance: ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’

Pirates of the Caribbean is back! Right? This weekend, the fifth installment of the Pirates franchise released… and it’s pretty good. The important thing is: it’s better than On Stranger Tides.

As a huge Pirates fan, I’ve seen this film twice already. There are key elements that work extremely well, which already gives the film an edge over the last installment in the franchise. For instance, there are marvelous set pieces that callback to the original trilogy in a very humorous and Pirates way (one involves a bank robbery, the other, a guillotine). 

However, these scenes come early, leaving us nowhere to go but downhill. In terms of characters, it’s fun and exciting to see some more familiar faces back for the ride, but they ultimately culminate in pretty shallow pay-offs. For instance, our main characters (who are, yet again, just substituting in for Elizabeth and Will) work far better than the ones we were given in On Stranger Tides, but they lack charisma, chemistry, and character. Their most interesting aspects/characterizations occur in how they carry on the legacy of the original trilogy that we remember so well. 

Javier Bardem’s performance was great, as always, and the design of his cursed crew was very visually appealing and not overdone, hearkening back to the way they handled Barbossa’s cursed crew (and even Davy Jones’). However, his character is not really fleshed out or given enough screentime for us to really attach ourselves to him. Instead, he is pretty much reduced to recalling Barbossa’s villainous, undead days in The Curse of the Black Pearl, which could’ve worked with more subtext. 

I’ll get to that in a second. 

So many callbacks to the older films occur, and, as a huge Pirates fan, it was really entertaining to catch all of the subtleties like: Captain Salizar chewing on an apple, Jack straddling a sea creature to make an escape, dialogue that evokes dialogue of past characters, French/mayonnaise jokes, etc., etc. There is even the theme of “Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate”, which Captain Jack says to Will in The Curse of the Black Pearl as they try to save Elizabeth from Barbossa. 

There is even a huge reference to some of the extended canon in the Pirates universe, where we see the Black Pearl before it was sunken, resurrected, and re-named. 

So while these nods are great, they aren’t always nods. Sometimes they are complete conversations, where a character will say out loud: “Wow, we share something in common and it’s this….” (this occurs two or three times and it’s really obvious and clunky). Instead of just showing us that characters are linked through similar situations/circumstances, they have the characters tell each other (and us, the audience) that they’re similar. It’s really disheartening. 

Depp’s Sparrow is mischaracterized over and over, barely resembling Captain Jack at times. Unfortunately, Pintel and Ragetti (the one-eyed pirate and his friend) are, once again, noticeably absent, as they have been missing from the story since At World’s End. Some of the familiar faces that pop up from the original trilogy are reduced to bookending scenes that feel tacked on from re-shoots, made obvious by complete CGI renders of actors in some of the key shots (which was horrible and tacky). One of the most feminist, pivotal characters from the original trilogy shows up and doesn’t even get a line!! 

Where the film really fudges up is in establishing a continuity, creating plotholes in Jack’s age, his acquisition of a certain compass, his captainship, a certain character’s birthday, etc., etc. It’s frustrating and chock-full of anachronisms, which hopefully can be corrected by the production of another Pirates film (something they hint at in a post-credits scene that might be going too far, even for a Pirates of the Caribbean movie)! 

Ultimately, Dead Men Tell No Tales re-captures the original humor and Gothic feel of Verbinski’s trilogy, giving us the characters we wanted to see back in On Stranger Tides. However, it’s not the Pirates movie we all wanted, but it’s close enough to it. I can honestly say my faith in the Pirates franchise has been restored, and I’m very excited to see it move forward and maybe do an even better job next time. If there were ever an opportune moment to do so, this is it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales currently holds a 7.2/10 on and a 31% on It’s neither madness nor brilliance. It’s remarkable how often those two traits can coincide. Savvy?

[ For @mariasilenciosa from x | accepting ]

Working for the EITC had its perks. It wasn’t too much different to piracy, all things considered. Jack continues to sail on the sea, but now he has been granted the title of Captain. It’s a promotion that he would have had to work a lot harder to get if he were still a pirate, and if he were still sailing under…

He has a ship as well, the Wicked Wench. And honestly, with a ship like her, Jack finds it hard to regret any decisions he’d made that led him up to this point. With him sailing that ship, Jack Sparrow has it made.

Even the whole, having to take orders from a superior wasn’t too different, though having to take a bath every time he reports to Beckett was new. Having to learn how to use fancy silverware, and table manners, and conversing with Lords on a semi-regular basis; they were all a far cry from where he had started.

The only thing different, really, were the pirates.

He doesn’t want them to see him, because if they were to see him, if they were to recognize him, there’s every chance they could mention it to Teague who will no doubt track him down and, well. The result of that won’t be good for him. But, on the other hand, he knows a lot of those pirates and he’s loath to have their death on his conscience, regardless of what side he’s on.

It’s a mixed bag either way you look at it, and it doesn’t get any easier to puzzle out when Beckett tells him he’s going to be teaming up with some Spanish captain in order to do something, about the pirates who keep attacking Company ships. He can’t do anything but agree, however, face stoic as to give nothing away.

And so Jack arrives at the pre-decided meeting spot, maybe a few minutes late thanks to his meeting with Beckett, but still generally on time. He’s dressed like the typical company sailor – jacket, waistcoat, neckcloth and everything. His skin is dark from being in the Caribbean sun his whole life, and when he speaks, his accent is more slanted toward English than anything else.

“Ah, you must be Cap'n… Salazar, wassit?” He questions, grin on his face and offering out a hand to shake.


And another thing! They fucking undid Jack’s origin story. The canon story was Jack worked for the East India Trading company and became a pirate because he refused to transport slaves that were being referred to as “cargo.” He was then branded as a pirate and went to live his life as such. But not before taking the Wicked Wench as his own ship. Later on, he got his compass from Tia Dalma (aka Calypso).

APPARENTLY ALL THAT SHIT GOT THROWN OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW! Because now he was apparently always a pirate and got his compass and all his iconic accessories from some random crew mates. This is bullshit! This totally takes away from Jack. His original origin story gave him character, a sense of nobility. Now he’s always been pirate and has no past with the East India Trading Company. The Jack we got in this movie is not the same Jack we got in previous films and that’s really sad.

If they do end up making a 6th one, the better explain some shit

Reasons not to become an escort

If your neighbor outs you you will lose your home.

If you miss a safety call bc you are being murdered, no one will call the police bc they will be sent to jail as your traffickers

You will become vulnerable to police and sexual assault by them in a way few people can imagine. You will not be able to stop it.

If you work together with a white woman for safety and you are a woc–you’re her pimp. No appeal.

you will never hear the end of men whining about condoms. Ever.

If you have kids your ex/family can take them at any time by outing you at any time. You will also now never have a future outside the industry.

If you’re a young woman of colour being assaulted for others profit, you are not innocent and trafficked, you’re a wicked little wench who will go to jail.

If you’re a high end escort whose client asks for drugs as a condition of the appt and you acquiesce and he overdoses, you’re his murderer.

your options for getting out will largely depend on how many people you have to lie for you as references and how legit they sound.

even if you do get out, if anyone outs you you will lose this job and all other employment prospects. You will be uncomfortably famous.

You will be found guilty of assault or murder if you try to keep from getting murdered (unless the assaulted in question is very very obviously a serial killer. Then you will be outed and have no other way to make a living but hey at least you’re not in jail).

If you do get murdered, it’s your fault. You will not be remembered except maybe by us.

Reasons to be an escort:
You literally need the money this is capitalism.


anonymous asked:

Do u ship sparrabeth?

Short answer: no

Long answer:
I don’t really ship Jack with anyone. Mostly because of his telling Elizabeth in deadmans chest that “his first and only love be the sea. ” having read the books I really think he’s being truthful here as his first love was his freedom, and this drive for freedom was what drove him to run away from Shipwreck cove as a stowaway, ultimately leading him on his adventures with barnacle. The sea (and of course a ship) to Jack symbolises this freedom. Further, Jack admits to having loved Angelica, but this scared him and he ended up pursuing his freedom. In addition Jack has always been strongly attached to his ships, first Barnacle, that when sunk upset him so greatly he allowed his dad to notice. and later the wicked wench (the black pearl) the first ship he captained as an adult. As jack says in The curse of the black pearl, what a ship really is is freedom.

In his whole childhood Jack has been told what to do and to become a better fencer so he can become a better pirate, this ultimately led him to reject the idea of living a life of piracy for most of his adolescence, (I could talk for hours about why he changed his mind, but I won’t) he was motivated to run away when he read the chapter about a pirates need for freedom and to decide for himself in the code, meaning it became the morale he took with him on his first adventure as a young man finding his way in the world without his father to save him.

So in the end I think Jack likes the idea of being free to choose a few women (Scarlet & Giselle maybe even Tia Dalma) whom he can shack up with when he needs it, but when he’s scratched that itch, he wants to roam freely.

Really quick before I go lol in the shadowlord (Idk English title I’m guessing) Jack is pretty repelled by the idea of starting a family like his friends Arabella and Bill Turner have done.

Shakespearean Jaime x Brienne Swordfight


Hold, enough! Another step I cannot take.


Shut thy abhorred mouth, and quick’n thy pace!


No further, good wench–my soles and soul do beg thee!


I care not for thy feet, nor thy honorless soul.


Nay? A wicked wench thou art, without a heart!

Do I not cry, honorless though I be?

Hast thou no regard for the likes of me?


And hast thou no regard for thine own good?

A bridge is not so safe as shaded wood;

We are but mice afield a grassless ground

Whilst hungry prey do circle all around.


[takes her sword]

The wench without regard hath lost her guard!

Now–mouse or prey, show me what thou art.


Lay thy sword upon the ground, Kingslayer.


To what end, pray?


Else thy life’s end, upon my blade.


Such wild, lusty boasts from but a maid!

Thou art the weaker sex; thou hast no blade.

Well, then—shall I thee teach thy first true dance?

Come spill thy blood upon my sword—advance!

[They fight]


Thou art good—green and lacking grace, but good.


I would not hurt thee, Kingslayer.


Thou coudst not hurt me if thou tried to do so.


Try me not!


Try thee? I would not try thee for all th’world.

Thou art too large and lumb’ring for my needs.


I would have thee show’t, if thou art man indeed.

[they fight, until Brienne is straddling Jaime in the river]


Gods, wench! This is a posture too advanc’d

For maids of Tarth just learning how to dance!


Yield, Kingslayer, yield! Or I shall thee drown!


But nay–thine oaths are hard and thick as lead,

Much like thy undesir’d maidenhead.

[enter the BRAVE COMPANIONS, laughing. Jaime and Brienne rise.]

JAIME [aside]

The blush upon her cheek doth give me right

T’imagine her in heat of love’s sweet fight.

And what a fight it was, I do concede.

The wench is strong; from several wounds I bleed.

But what uncomely strangers now are these?

I trust them not, and feel much worse at ease.

The path ahead winds long, now more than ever

The wench and I must hold together.

it  isn’t  what  jack  sparrow  had  expected .     from  the  day  that  the  wicked  wench  had  been  burnt ,     then  sunken ,     taking  him  with  her ,     he’d  not  intended  for  one  moment  to  honour  the   UNFORTUNATE  AGREEMENT   that  would  bind  his  crusty ,     blackened  soul  to  the  crusty ,     weathered  vessel  of  his  squidliness  himself .     he’d  never  truly  thought  that  after  thirteen  years    (   not  even  thirteen  years  as  captain     !   )     he’d  be  unlucky  enough  to  not  find  his  way  around  such  a  fate .     and  so ,     body  rigid  as  a  mast  but  with  as  much  dignity  he  can  still  produce ,     jack  quickly  rises  from  the  grubby  deck  he’d  been  tossed  upon  so  carelessly .     sticky  palms  are  brushed  off  as  he   WRINKLES   his  nose ,     distress  poorly  hidden  behind  gritted  teeth  in  front  of  the  creature—–   man—–   captain .     captain  creature .    

‘        since  i  have  been  captain  only  roughly  two  years  i’d  like  to  make   ANOTHER  DEAL …     i’d  like  to  make  another  deal ,     aye     ?!        ‘

        ⇁      @maresepulcrum


For Trader Sam’s Tiki Bar at the Disneyland Hotel, we scratch-built a one-of-a-kind scale model replica of the Wicked Wench - the ship that fires cannon balls over your head in the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction. Our miniature version is rigged up to do a little trick. We won’t give away the surprise, but if you order a ‘Shipwreck Cocktail’ (a lovely lemony Bourbon thing), the boat in the bottle, um…well, it does something.