the wicked wench

Cleaning up after the mess that is PotC 5 *UPDATED*

Ok so I was thinking about how they completely screwed the lore up for Jack Sparrow, so I’m gonna have a go at piecing together his origin story, among other things. Please poke holes/ tell me where I’m wrong because I want to get this refined.

  • Problem: Jack’s compass was bartered from Tia Dalma, but in 5 he got it from a crewman. Solution: Jack did, in fact, get the compass from the crewman but later lost it at sea when Beckett sank the Pearl. It came to Tia Dalma (Calypso) who recognised its power and Jack had to later barter it from her to retrieve it.
  • Problem: the Wicked Wench was shown as a pirate ship, but Jack worked for the navy (’people aren’t cargo’ scene). Solution: The Wench was a pirate ship when she was under control of the previous captain seen in 5, but when he died and she became Jack’s ship, Jack decides to join the navy and work under Beckett (he was still very young + not yet branded and probably saw it as the best thing to do). When Beckett asked Jack to ship slaves, he liberated them, got branded, etc. and the ship sank. This explains the pirate flag in 5 and also the problem of ‘Why would Beckett sink a navy ship just to get back at Jack?’ Jack goes on to make a deal with Davy Jones and you know the rest. 
  • UPDATED Problem: Jack is a gallant hero and very intelligent, so why was he ‘drunk’ the whole time? This one really pisses me off personally Solution: it’s been however-many years since Jack has been on sea, as we saw in one of the scenes the thing he desires most is to sail again, so it could be excused that he wishes to drown his sorrows 24/7, considering he’s no longer a ‘wanted’ or famous pirate, he doesn’t have a ship or much of a crew and his friends aren’t in contact with him. *ALSO Angelica has the voodoo doll of Jack, as seen at the end of 4. This could be the reason for his misfortune and *ahem* strange behaviour. Thank you to the person who suggested this to me!
  • Problem: Why does Will Turner have barnacle-face when we know that this only happens to those who do not fulfil their duty (i.e. Davy Jones)?  Solution: Will did not have barnacle-face up until that point. It could be assumed he was doing his job well and then noticed Henry was drowning and stopped ferrying the dead in order to save him, i.e. as soon as he ‘crossed-over’ he gained the barnacles. This would explain why Will only had a few barnacles and not ‘transformed’ like Jones.
  • Problem: Why is Elizabeth in a dress and corset when the whole point of the first movie was freeing her from it? AARGH I hate this one aswell, completely undermines Elizabeth. Oh wellSolution: Elizabeth felt it necessary to return to civilization to raise Henry, she did not want him involved in piracy for his own good and therefore didn’t talk about Jack. At the time, a woman such as Elizabeth would have been known in civilized culture as ‘governor’s daughter’ rather than ‘pirate king’, so she has to live up to this name in order to be accepted in that society (remember we’re talking 18th century here). She doesn’t have her husband, Jack or even mentor!Barbossa to help ‘free her’ from these expectations
  • EDITED Problem: When, in the time between being cursed, dead, looking for Jack, joining the navy and controlling the ocean did Barbossa have time to have a wife and child? Solution: After the events of AWE,  he had Smyth as a wife, who later became pregnant and died in childbirth, afraid that Carina would be worse off as a pirate girl, and, of course, out of a sense of his merciful nature caring dad!Barbossa left Carina at the orphanage. Barbossa then joins the navy. (thanks to everyone who pointed out my mistake)

Please bear in mind that I am not defending Pirates 5, just trying to clean up the mess. Add your thoughts and drink up me hearties, yo ho! ( @dhiatzs

POTC5 Ship/Vessel Information:


Type:      Sloop
Length:  Info not available
Weapons:  1 swivel gun
Affiliation:  Jack Sparrow’s crew
Captain/s:    Jack Sparrow     


Type:   War Galleon
Length:   Info not available
Weapons:  32 cannons
Affiliation:   British Royal Navy
Captain/s:     Captain Toms 


Type:      Galleon 
Length:   165 feet 
Weapons:   32 cannons 
Affiliation:   Crew of the Wicked Wench,
                           Crew of the Black Pearl

Captain/s:         Captain Morgan, Jack Sparrow,
                                   Hector Barbossa 


Type:      Fluyt
Length:    170 feet
Weapons:    52 cannons
Affiliation:   Crew of the Dutchman 
Captain/s:     Davy Jones, Will Turner


Type:   Warship (Man O’ War), Ship Of The Line
Length:     Info not available 
Weapons:  88 cannons 
Affiliation:    Royal British Navy 
Captain/s:   Lieutenant John Scarfield


Length:    Info not available (over 170 feet)
Weapons:   30 cannons 
Affiliation:   Blackbeard’s crew, Barbossa’s crew
Captain/s:  Edward Teach (Blackbeard), Hector 


Ship Of The line, Warship
Length:  Info not available, but likely close to 200 feet 
Weapons:  110 “fuck-off” cannons
Affiliation:    Spanish Armada (Royal Spanish Navy)
Captain/s:   Armando Salazar 

{Okay. I saw the new POTC trailer. And during the flashback part, the Wicked Wench was flying a black flag when Salazar looked through the spyglass. So I decided to edit the image by giving the Wicked Wench an East India Company flag. Just to please the POTC fans who read the book The Price Of Freedom. So enjoy.}


Beckett organized a search for the mythical island of Kerma, hoping to find its legendary treasure. However, the quest for Kerma didn’t succeed because he was betrayed by Captain Jack Sparrow, the man he trusted enough to place him in charge of his own ship, the merchantman Wicked Wench. Not only Sparrow didn’t bring him the bearings of Kerma, but he also liberated a cargo of slaves which Beckett’s patron Lord Penwallow needed for his plantation in the Bahamas. Since Sparrow’s act ruined his chance to join the British nobility, Beckett ordered his men to burn the Wench and personally branded Sparrow as a pirate.

ellimpala  asked:

first, LOVE your blog =) Always a pleasure :3 second, can you recommend any fics where Danny's secret is out or about to be found out? like you know, Valerie or his parents or the school finding out and how he deals with it? that would be great =)

yeah okay so lemme tell you a secret;;;;;

revelation fics are my guilty pleasure


now I’m not sure whether you want most of the fic to be about the process of people finding out or most of the fic to be Danny dealing with his shit or if the revelation is just a side part of the fic so HERES ALL OF THAT

Phantom’s Sketchbook by AkoyaMizuno

Masks and Plunge by Cordria

Of Field Trips and Phantoms by Ironinkpen

A Secret Uncovered by Darth Frodo

Little Earthquakes by A Perplexing Puzzle

You Should Be Dead by SaphireDragon11

The Reality of Virtuality by Artgirl4

Secrets Revealed by RedHeadsRock1010

The Scrapbook by Dragon Elexus

Something Special by Tay1019411

Tortured Truth by Darth Frodo

The Right of It by The Wicked Wench of the West

Green Jacket, Red Sleeves by LunarMothim

Connections and Confessions by Lynse

Unexpected Revelation by TallieCat

The Great Experiment by Kagome51

Karate, Judo, KungFu, What was That? by Artgirl4

A Jock and a Hard Place by AnneriaWings and Haikujitsu

Vulnerable by Anneriawings and Haikujitsu (its been years and I’m still screaming about this fic oh my god)

Danny? Phantom? and He’s a Fenton? by Erratta

Critera of Life by Darcyjackal

Stargazing by EverAfterGirl

Sounds in the Dark and In the Light of Day by Sleepyreader13

In the Stitching by Colette Amelia

Shift by CaptainOzone

Adjustment by Michael J.J

A Gift of a Heart by Alexa Piper

Disclosures by Me The Anon One

Photoshop by sarahhaley

Life and Death by Erratta

Jack Fenton’s Son by what-happened-2-nice

Detention at Starbucks by zizzy333

The Bruises by YAJJ

Do Superheroes Exist? by Golden Lunar Eclipse

Reality by Alexa Piper

Dangerous Trust by Tay1019411

Mother’s IntuitionLike Father, Like Son, and To Live and Learn by nycorrall

Not So Simple by Ella.Rose.x

Couldn’t be any Prouder by May-Rene

Dog Tag and Check-Ups by Happyleif

The Return by inukagome15

Mount Ivory by MoonrockBlink1772

Autograph by sarahhaley

A Thermos for Valerie by Bluemoonalto

Insight View by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina

Psychoanalysis by Eelfie

Ghostly Lament by SummersSixEcho

Crashing and Burning by GriffinRose

Not A Ghost by SerasianWind

Just a Night by CaptainOzone

No Exit by Elle Aitch

I Used to Love ThreeDay Weekends by zipporah grace

Karma has a Sense of Humor by Vitaliciouscreations

Endings and Beginnings by Cordria

Lurking Shadows by QuickWren

An Unlikely Alliance by Represent

Going Up by Danny Phantom SG-1

Dancing Lights by DizzlyPuzzled

Fatigue by DBack47

The Heartbeat After by Platonic

oooh boii this got even longer than the last one uhhhhh sorry??

OH and heres a bunch of field trip fics because I didnt really include any about the school finding out his secret

Stranded With My Class by RedHeadsRock1010  

Strength by WildFireBurnsTheForest 

Backpack by Coronalgnis 

Of Field Trips and Phantoms by Ironinkpen 

A Phantom Marooned by LordPugsy 

Field Trip by Destiny Obake 

Journey of Secrets by WolfKael  

The Elevator Game by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina 

Freeze Out by Raina Wolfe - Lateraina (Sequel to The Elevator Game) 

Entering The Mind Of An Unsuspecting Halfa by I heart the Hitachiin twins 

Personify: Into The Mind by NoSignalBlueScreen 

The Survivalists by Unlucky Alis

Accidental Portal by Emmazippy577 

Misery Island by lilyt789 

Worst Ski Trip Ever by sourpopsicles15 

have fun!!!!


“And now, Jack,” Cutler Beckett said, “it’s time for your punishment.” He smiled as if he were quite enjoying himself. “I confess that I’m going to miss the old hulk, but really, she’s not worth all that much. It’s not like she’s a new ship. It’s worth losing her to see you suffer, Jack.”

He nodded at Mercer. “Order them to fire. Use the carcass charges.”

Jack scrambled to his feet. “What?” he blurted. “What’s going on?”

“Oho, so you finally speak,” Beckett said. “I was beginning to think the cat had gotten your tongue, Jack.”

Jack looked over at the Wicked Wench. “She’s just a ship,” he said, wonderingly. “Made of wood, and canvas. You’re going to destroy your own property? Just to get back at me?”

“She’s not just a ship to you, Jack,” Beckett said. “And yes. That’s precisely what I am going to do.”

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Surrendering and Rocks

Jack:             Surrender to me now and I’ll let you live!

Salazar:        Lesaro?! What the hell does “surrender”
Lesaro:         It means to give up, to let him win without a

Salazar:        … BULLSHIT!!
(Goes after Jack)

 Lesaro:          -Sir, I’m not sure this is a good idea O_+

 Salazar:        -Quiet, Lesaro! I can’t hear myself be reckless!!

(Wicked Wench starts turning)  

Jack:               -WEEEEEEE!!!

Salazar:        -BOOTLEG TURN!

( Runs over and takes over helm from Lesaro, looks over at Jack, Jack is swinging compass whilst “Ridin’ Dirty” plays in the background)  |

Salazar:         -HIJO DE PUTA!!

 Lesaro:           Sir, I’m not sure you should drive while you’re
                             this upset

 Salazar:          Nonsense! I am perfectly capable of steering                               my ship in my emotional condition!                                                    It’s not like I’m gonna crash into any- FUCK-                                  ROCKS!!!-


Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (or Salazar’s Revenge ugggh what even is that change of name) spoilers (sorry for not using the ‘read more’ cut but I’m on my phone and it’s not showing)

  • first of all: THEY DARED TO KILL CAPTAIN HECTOR BARBOSSA, RIGHTFUL CAPTAIN OF THE BLACK PEARL AND PIRATE LORD OF THE CASPIAN SEA (AGAIN!!!!!) What the hell was even that dead???? The best character in this entire franchise deserved a much better written death than just dying because of the cliché plot of the “long lost daughter” PLEEEEASE. The Hector Barbossa I’ve known for the past 14 years wouldn’t have cared about having a daughter, he only cared about himself. 
  • Which leads me to the next stage: denial. HAHAHAHAHAH HE’S NOT DEAD. He became the richest fucking pirate in the entire world and we all know about his obsession with becoming immortal: Barbossa totally went back to Isla de Muerta and grabbed a few pieces of the Aztec treasure AGAIN. Exhibit A: we see him eating some sweets but not apples because he wouldn’t dare to eat his most beloved food without feeling its taste in his mouth. Exhibit B: He’s Barbossa, he’s the greatest and the one truly pirate in all these movies. He can’t be dead. “It’s a pirates life, Hector”❤️
  • Now going back to the plot…. Javier Bardem was a cool villain (better than Blackbeard, but never like my beloved Barbossa and Davy Jones*)
  • Kaya Scodelario and the Brendon (or Brandon???) Tw-something cannot act. Sorry children.
  • Jack Sparrow was the least interesting part of this movie of course, but I’d like to point something about him: there are some POTC books (which were considered canon) and they had a much more interesting backstory for Jack. He worked for the East India Trading Company and was in charge of a ship, the Black Pearl or as it was known before, The Wicked Wench. Beckett (you know, the villain from the previous movies) wanted him to trade with slaves and Jack refused, reason enough for Beckett to sink The Wicked Wench and mark Jack with the P of “Pirate” in his arm. In exchange, Jack seems to have hit Beckett so hard between his legs that he ended up as an eunuch (the scene in Dead Man’s Chest when Will asks Beckett which mark did Jack leave on him also strongly implies it). In the end, while the ship was sinking and Jack was dying, he made his deal with Jones to bring back his ship as the Black Pearl and he sailed under pirate flag. So yeah, that was a much interesting. Which leads me to…
  • Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the plot of the previous movies, part 1: TIA DALMA GAVE JACK THAT FUCKING COMPASS, HE DIDN’T GET IT FROM A DYING MATE. In Dead Man’s Chest she clearly says “The compass you bartered from me it cannot lead you to this?”. Do your homework dear script writers; see the previous 4 movies.
  • I WAS FORCED TO PAY TO SEE A MOVIE WITH ORLANDO BLOOM ONLY TO SEE HIM 3 MINUTES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? I knew he wasn’t going to be a lot in the movie, but hey! At least I thought that since the movie was motivated FOR him, we would see him a bit more.
  • Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the plot of the previous movies, part 2: Davy Jones and his crew looked all fish-y because Jones wasn’t doing his job of reaping the souls of those who died at the sea. Will Turner would have never stop doing his job, plus according to the post-credits scene in At World’s End, 10 years after he became the Captain of the Flying Dutchman, he looked the same. And wasn’t the first scene in this movie 8 years after this (according to those papers Henry had)??? Uggh, I hate lazy writing.
  • I loved to see my beautiful Pirate King, Elizabeth Swann but couldn’t she have had some dialogue??? It’s not so hard. At least, the Turners got their well-deserved happy ending (where is Bootstrap Bill Turner tho??? he should have been with Will at the Flying Dutchmen)
  • The movie had its fun moments and some great moments (Barbossa *cough cough*) but overall, the script was very poorly written. Pirates of the Caribbean holds a very special place in my heart since I was 8 years old, but the last 2 movies shouldn’t have existed.
  • * THAT! POST! CREDITS! SCENE! It was AMAZING. It kept me on the edge of my seat. It was so so good. I’m willing to tolerate another movie just to be revealed that after all the sea curses were broken, Calypso brought Davy Jones back. 
Salack sick fic (part 1)

Salazar knew something was off the moment he saw the Wicked Wench. He approached the Wicked Wench in the dead of the night and went in for a boarding. As they had the element of surprise while the dirty pirates were resting, his crewmen took over the ship swiftly. Every one of these filth had a knife at their throats, the wielder ready to slay once their captain commanded them to do so.

Salazar stalked to the helm of the ship, narrowing his eyes when he failed to find the very face that had haunted his dreams since he was almost tricked into the Devil’s Triangle.

“Where,” he hissed, “is your Captain?” He grabbed the man formerly steering the wheel by the throats roughly and slammed him against the wheel. The man’s eyes widened, fear shining within them.

“H-he’s sick, S-sir,” the man stutters, “B-be restin’ in his r-room righ’ now.”

Salazar smirked.
Pirates. Always ready to betray their comrades in exchange for their own gain.

“Put them in the dungeons. Do not try anything unless I say so.” With that, he strode towards the Captain’s quarters and entered it without a second thought, drawing his sword carefully so as to not alert whoever was inside.

The first thing he saw was a large bed, white sheets flowing and draping over the edges and pooling on the ground. There was a washbasin half full of water next to it, presumably left in a hurry when the pirate went to join in the commotion outside. Then, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he spotted a figure curled up beneath the blanket, dark hair splayed out on the pillow.

“Nngh…” The figure moaned and shifted around, causing a wet cloth to fall off his forehead.

Salazar was suddenly struck by how young Jack Sparrow seemed when he slumbered, dark lashes fanning over sharp cheekbones, plump lips slightly parted in discomfort. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, but Jack was shivering in cold.

Salazar moved forward despite himself and picked up the fallen cloth, soaking it in water before wringing it and placing it back on Jack’s forehead. He could not help but recall the day he first noticed the Sparrow and comparing it to the person before him now, the Jack before him was but a mere shadow of the cheeky boy he’d seen that day.

A worthy opponent in the making.

Salazar wondered what it would be like if he killed the boy now, watch brilliant ruby red blood spill over onto stark white sheets, contrasting sharply. He gently caressed Jack’s face, his fingers following the trail down to his long, tanned neck. The creamy skin was radiating warmth that spread throughout his entire body.

So vulnerable…

Salazar summoned an underling and through him ordered half the crew to stay and guard the pirates, while the other half anchored both ships in place.

He, in the meanwhile, Salazar gazed at Jack, an indescribable, conflicting amount of emotions weighing in the depths of his eyes.


Something was wrong.

Jack’s eyes flew open the moment he woke. The usual, ah, joie de vivre or hubbub was not there. He frowned, reaching for the dagger at his bedside—

—and froze. There the fearsome ‘Butcher of the Sea’ was, sleeping soundly by his bed. A wet cloth fell from his forehead onto his pillow, which he immediately linked to a washbasin beside Salazar. The ship jerked suddenly, and without thinking, Jack reached out to prevent Salazar’s head from banging on the side of the ship.

Salazar chose to wake then.

They stared in to each other’s eyes for an eternity of a second. The world around them vanished as Salazar’s wickedly teasing gaze bore into Jack’s confused, lost one.

Jack retracted the hand cradling Salazar’s face, ending the moment abruptly.

“Why are you here? What have you done with my ship?” he demanded, grasping his blanket protectively to his chest. Salazar eyed him with considerable amusement.

“What do you think?” Salazar replied flippantly, “I’ve taken over.”

“You!” Jack spat out. He was cut off by a fit of violent coughing. Knowing he was too weak to do anything, he resorted to glaring at the other instead.

Salazar smirked at him, the light in his eyes dancing in humour. “Tell you what, little Sparrow, I’ll order my crew to retreat from your ship and spare you crew. But only on one condition.”

Jack looked at him warily. What did he want? Was his goal not to exterminate all pirates?

“Come on to my ship as a prisoner, and I’ll spare this ship.” The hidden threat of or else was heavily implied in Salazar’s words.

Jack weighed his options: Lose his beloved ship and the lives of his crew along with it forever, or go with his enemy with the chance of escaping back.

“Done.” Jack decided. He would miss Wicked Wench, but it was the better option of the two.

Satisfied, Salazar and Jack and the Wicked Wench went their separate ways.

Thoughts on POTC5

Not that anyone cares, but I’m very conflicted about how to feel with the new Pirates movie. Spoilers ahead, obviously. Overall, the plot was cool, I really liked the villains, and the stunts and special effects were incredible. But one thing is bothering me so much that I really can’t overlook it, even in light of all the super cool features I just mentioned.

They undid Jack Sparrow’s entire origin story??

Like, I get that this isn’t a big deal for people who aren’t massive fans like I am, but the reason I love Jack Sparrow so much is that he is the definition of chaotic good. Jack Sparrow became a pirate because he refused to carry slaves on the cargo ship the Wicked Wench, and so as punishment, he was chained to the ship as it was lit aflame, and left to die (which is when he made a deal with Davy Jones to resurrect the Wench and turn it into the Black Pearl). 

In the flash-back seen between Salazar and Sparrow, there is a purposeful shot revealing that the ship Jack is on is, in fact, the Wicked Wench. However, it is clear that he is not in charge of this ship (until the captain dies, of course). At first, I was thinking this was pre- East India Trading Co. Era, but in the middle of the scene, Jack hoists a pirate flag on the ship. So now, apparently, the Wicked Wench was always a pirate ship? I mean, this can’t have been post-slave incident, because after that the ship became the Pearl. 

So, essentially, the script writers just…skips over that narrative, I guess? Not to mention that in this movie, Jack gets his compass from some random ass dude, when it was canonically mentioned in the second movie that he got the compass from a barter with Tia Dalma…

And you know what? It pisses me the fuck off. Jack Sparrow isn’t some “accidental” pirate who just so happens to inherit a compass. He was a purposeful, decisive young man who took a stand against a system he knew was wrong, and died for his beliefs. He may be spineless and cunning at times, but he does have a heart. He literally laid down his life for those slaves, and its a damn shame that we don’t get to officially see that.

Now, I’m not saying that this movie completely erases that narrative; this flash-back might somehow weirdly fit in the given timeline, but the fact that it wasn’t properly explained or explored is just shitty. What they essentially do is, they give the super-nerds, people who love this universe, a small glimpse at this origin, but then leave it up to the audience to either decide that this new information replaces the canon story we’ve been told before, or they must figure out some odd way to fit it into the story we’ve been told with The Price of Freedom. Either way, it’s just thrown in there. I would have totally been fine with the scene if they weren’t on the Wicked Wench. Like, if they were on just a regular ship, I’d totally believe everything. But no, the scene takes place on a ship that will later become the infamous Black Pearl, and you’re telling me it was a pirate vessel from the beginning? Bullshit. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t see the movie. Please, go see the movie. It’s a great movie! Johnny Depp is such a great man and I was so incredibly thrilled to see him on screen reprising one of his best roles. Go and make your own judgements for yourself. Just know that Jack Sparrow has much more depth than what we’re given in this movie.

       okay so let’s write a novel talk about actual trainwreck of a character Jack Sparrow in this movie. so there are spoilers under this so don’t read if YOU DON’T WANNA BE SPOILED because I’ve been waiting months to write this and now I finally can:

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To The Rescue

Requests: “craving something with elijah tbh ♥️” “more Elijah 😍 Pleaseeeeeee” “Elijah is yummy do more elijah” “ MORE ELIJAH SMUT PLZZZZZ “ “ELIJAH SMUT PLEASE I’M DYING HERE”

You held your stomach where your wound was bleeding through your shirt. You sniffled and whimpered but Aurora wasn’t having any of it. “Stop whining you little wench. Life hurts.” She batted her eyelashes down at you, her gun held in her hand and pointed toward the floor.

You weakly wiped your eyes and looked up at her. “I’ve never tried to hurt you before-” You shook your head. “Why are you doing this to me?” Aurora crouched down before you but you were too weak to move. “P-please.”

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anonymous asked:

Ok, but what about someone slipping Lumiere a love potion meant for Plumette?? And now Lumiere is even MORE in love with her (IS THAT POSSIBLE!?) and whoever was pining over Plumette is just... SOL??? (idk, man, I need to lay off the coffee)

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT nobody ever TOLD me that this prompt was POSSIBLE. i was about to go to bed but GUESS WHO’S WRITING FANFIC NOW, BITCHES

“I don’t want the child,” says Agathe, again. She stands against the churchyard steps, confusion evident in her tilted eyebrows and blank eyes, watching the woman babbling on before her.

“You always do,” says the woman.

Agathe’s eyes are very blank and very calm. The village woman does not know how much danger she is in.

“It’s a witch-thing, innit? And I have a babe. And I have a demand,” says the woman. “And it will only take a minute of your time—why, I’m sure you have loads of the potions in your pockets, just crawling with toads and newts-eyes and such-on….”

Agathe blinks, quietly. All that is in her pockets is owl feathers.

The woman sighs. “Fine. Do it for the justice, right? You witches like justice. Isn’t that why you cursed all of them, then?” Her hand waves toward the village, the forest, the palace—the palace where, as Agathe knows, Lumiere is at this moment sitting in his room, nursing a cold. He is trying to tell jokes to Plumette through a stuffed-up nose. He makes his darling laugh as she curls up beside him on the bed; and Plumette doesn’t care if she gets sick too, for all she wants is to giggle with her love. 

“Justice,” says the woman, grabbing Agathe’s arm, and the enchantress’s attention is drawn back to this moment. A moment which, Agathe thinks, is lasting forever.

“He’s gone gallivanting off with that girl,” says the woman, bitter as a sour apple. “She’s lured him off, with her Parisian wiles. He’s lost his wholesomeness beside her! How can you stand for that?!”

Agathe checks in on the girl’s Parisian wiles. Plumette is currently engaged in putting marshmallows into Lumiere’s hot cocoa. She’s trying to poke them into a smiley face for him.

“It’s time he loves me again,” hisses the woman. “I was his first.”

You are lucky you are not my last, thinks Agathe. There is a broken musket buried deep in the forest near her hovel. It was once a man.

“So?” The woman shoves forward her child—a little girl, only just in skirts, with no idea of what her mother begs for. “A child. A love potion. You like love, don’t you?”

Agathe does like love. And the child would probably like to see an owl. And the wheedling woman has her pinned against the church.

“Here,” she says, and fetches into her deepest pocket. She pulls out a jar. “Oh, no—not that one—that’s my jam.” She pulls out another. “Here. Look away.”

The woman looks at her askance, for a moment. Begrudgingly, she turns her eyes away.

The child—little Crevette, daughter of the war widow, with a papa killed in the faraway gunfire—stares with big, brown eyes as Agathe’s face glows gold, then disappears. The Enchantress peers out, her hands glowing as she gestures over the small bottle. Its contents turn purple—then red—then a hot, rich burgundy. It looks like summer wine. It looks like just-crushed grapes.

Agathe’s face returns, and she smiles at the child. Takes Crevette’s hand, with cautious fingers, fingers that leave no sense of touch. She hands the jar to the woman.

“Be careful,” she says. “It is heady with marjoram.”

The woman is gone without saying good-bye.

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Jack Sparrow Reminders

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow does not wear eyeliner. It’s kohl. It keeps his eyes from sunburning. It’s an African / Southeast Asian / Mediterranean thing.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow was not mad that Elizabeth burned the rum because he’s lol-an-alcoholic. He specifically mentions three things: food, shade, rum. The three things that are likely to kill them: hunger, exposure, dehydration. You die in three days without water. Of course Jack is fucking pissed.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow referred to James Norrington as The Help during Dead Man’s Chest. Friendly Reminder that this is not a new development in how Jack treats his crew. Friendly Reminder that Jack made Norrington swab the deck with his own wig.

– Friendly Reminder that, while Hector Barbossa was his First Mate, Jack Sparrow once threw a bowl of soup at him and broke his nose. Friendly Reminder that, while his nose was still broken, Jack Sparrow then made fun of Barbossa for being Pirate Lord of the Caspian Sea.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow went to London to save Mr. Gibbs from being killed. Friendly Reminder that Jack then left London without Gibbs. Friendly Reminder that Jack doesn’t feel bad about this.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow didn’t know for sure that Teague was his father until he was in his 20s.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow’s grandmama often took care of him as a kid. Friendly Reminder that she gave him thrashings so bad, he was nearly beaten to death three times. Friendly Reminder that said grandmother locked Jack in the brig of her ship when he was eight

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow joined the EITC for a few years. Friendly Reminder that Jack worked directly under Cutler Beckett. Friendly Reminder that Beckett made Jack transport slaves despite Jack’s express wishes otherwise.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack Sparrow set free nearly 200 slaves. Friendly Reminder that Beckett branded Jack a pirate for setting those slaves free.

- Friendly Reminder that when Jack Sparrow saw the Wicked Wench for the first time, he stood on the docks for two hours just staring at her. Friendly Reminder that when Jack was branded a pirate, Beckett burned the Wench.

– Friendly Reminder that Jack made a deal with Davy Jones to have the Wench raised back up. Friendly Reminder that the Wicked Wench was then renamed the Black Pearl.


Snow White

Face as pale as snow, hair like ebony, and lips red;
Red as the blood pricked from the dainty finger which bled
From the waters of a treacherous womb, the fairest one of all was born
To compassionate father, the King, and wicked wench, the Queen; forlorn
By the news from mystic mirrors vile with dark knowledge, the fairest one of all
She would be the one to rule them all beneath a gentle rule; herald of the Queen’s fall.

Though the insidious murmurs of her Mirror, upset the Queen, she did not remain
“Forlorn” for long. No, she used the time to gather magics, beneath the sane
Façade and the façade of tears when it became known the King had died
Her daughter, grown to ten and four years, to be moved off of her head
Then the Queen, the Queen alone, would have beauty and power.
To her throne room, did the Queen invite a Huntsman upon the hour
In which was meant to mourn the good man’s loss
The soul of the King immortalised in bronze wherein sickly moss
Did grow, a dour shawl that did crawl around his eyes
Much like his mistress who for fourteen years did feed him arsenic and lies.

“Take her heart so I may feast upon it; proof of her death,” did instruct the Queen
Unto her henchman, the Huntsman, she did instruct and he left. The sheen
Of determination emanated from him, illuminating his understanding that would turn.
Into the forest, he did chase the Princess until he cornered her; looming over her,
Her beauty sang sing sweet sorrow upon whimpering lips and a charismatic curse
Was laid upon the huntsman’s eyes
And from that, he could take no lives
So, he felled a boar and fed the heart to the Queen.
But the flesh upon her tongue, it did not taste it ought to mean.

The Princess fled further into the forest and happened upon a melancholic hut
That housed seven dwarves, wary folk at first but
Upon hearing the Princess’ begging, they let her stay and for them,
She cleaned their abode and once cleaned, the Huntsman’s deception came clean also
And so, the Queen grew vengeful and spurned a deep spell to kill her daughter, so
She traveled into the forest and disguised herself with the clothes of hags
A poor, poor hag in need of money – money for an apple red as blood
The Princess, fooled and compassionate, took from a hand with rancid skin that sags.

A single, crisp bite was all it took for the Princess with lips of blood and face of snow
To perish, from her hand the poisoned apple withered and in a glass box the dwarves laid
Her to rest, her final rest, and from her porcelain hand the apple tumbled,
And with that echoic fall, the Queen rose once more: beauty, fame, power: she has it all.

And for the existence of such a miraculous corpse to prove true, rumour became myth
And myth inspired Prince to go out and search for the truth clouded in mist
Within a deep, damp forest run foul with monstrous foliage, the Prince found her
He found her with the one of ivory face and scarlet lips; hair in inky curls
From her glass casket, he removed the lid and his decency; assailed by
The perfume of ever-youthful flowers, he leaned down next to her and with a gentle lie
He told himself she was asleep. That’s all she was: a peaceful, deathly sleep;
And upon those perk, scarlet lips, he gave her a kiss that was deep.

Tongue within her cold, rotting mouth.
He kissed her and he kissed her thorough, hoping his warm breath would breathe life
Into this long-dead corpse; perfect as though blood remained in motion in her vein
But from her glass coffin, the Princess did not stir so the Prince’s ghastly act was in vain
With the back of his hand, he smeared her memory and the myth remained myth.

The poor Princess was laid to her rest, her final rest, in a glass coffin; a perfect corpse
A corpse that did not wither;
A corpse with blood red lips, hair of ebony, and skin snow white.

HI GUYS, guess what, it’s me, it’s Silas.

So, no one asked for this meta. But the other day, I saw this gifset and it reminded me of some things that I’ve been wanting to make clear about my version of Jack Sparrow and the things that I take into consideration when I play him. So, without further ado:

Hi, this is me, I’m Silas and let’s talk about: Jack Sparrow, Cutler Beckett, and the moments that not only define Jack Sparrow as a character, but the moments that almost directly lead to the happenings of the main movie trilogy. And those moments are: Beckett asking Jack to transport slaves. Jack letting those slaves go. And why.

Now, if you haven’t seen this deleted scene between Jack and Beckett from At World’s End, it’s definitely worth watching. It gives some much needed meat between them, and makes some hard hitting references to the history between them. But the bit that i’m going to hone in on today is this:

Beckett’s face was cold with anger. Sparrow was impossible. “I had contracted you to deliver cargo on my behalf,” he said, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “You chose to liberate it.”

“People aren’t cargo, mate,” Jack said.

The above quote is from the At World’s End novelization. And that really did happen between them. But before we get into that, let’s get to to some backstory–

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