the whitest girl you know

I was tagged by thatzaynalmighty for the selfie challenge. Umm, well, yeah…here I am again. I look like I might be naked. Go with that. Blurred my bookshelf cuz I don’t want y’all to see what’s on it. Don’t worry about it. Just don’t worry about it! LOL

I dunno who to tag because I’m always late to the party and everybody has already done it. Sorry for my suckage. 

Scared of My Past - Calum

Requested by anon - can you write one where you had problem with self harm but now you are completely fine but you want to tell your best friend about it because you feel guilty for not telling him and how he reacts and blabla? haha thanks xxx (you choose the boy i dont really mind)

“We come home for 3 weeks over the holidays and I was hoping that I would get to spend most of it with you” Cal tells me over the phone. 

“Duh, did you think I wouldn’t make that happen?” I joke. 

“I’m excited to not have to wear a coat for a little bit. I want to spend a good amount of time on the beach” he adds excitedly. I go silent. "Y/N? You still there?“ 

"Yeah Bub, I’m still here. I was just thinking” I try to sound as normal as possibly.

“You sure Snow?” I laugh at the nickname. 

“Still going with that one then?" 

"Yeah, I mean, you are the whitest girl I know. Snow White seems like a perfect name. Oh shit, I gotta go. Stage time.” He tells me.

“Okay Bubba, 19 days…can’t wait.”

“Bye Snow.” I hang up the phone and look down at my arms. My parents had gone on vacation for their anniversary and left me home, allowing me to wear tank tops to survive the hot days. Since Calum and I have become friends, there was never really a situation where he would see me in anything less then a regular t-shirt. Scars on my upper arms and stomach from a weird couple of years. I sigh and think to myself. *It’s probably time I tell him.*

———————–

“Are you going to meet us at the airport?” Calum asked me when he called before takeoff.

“No, I’ll be at the house when you get home though. I don’t think I can handle all those fans.”

“I guess I can understand that. I just miss you so much Snow” he says.

“Careful Bub or people are going to start asking questions” I laugh. "I promise I will be waiting for you. I think I have to tell you something that’s hard for me to talk about so I’ll wait so I can prepare.“

"You sure you are okay?”

“Yeah, I am now. I just need to talk to you about some stuff” I tell him.

“Okay, we are getting the no cell phone speech so I will see you in 16 hours!” he says excitedly.

“Can’t wait to have my best friend home” I finish.

“I can’t wait to be home!”

———————–

“Y/N? You here?!” I hear Calum shout excitedly from my spot in the kitchen.  I finish pulling the lasagna that I was making out of the oven and look back. 

“Just in time Bubba!” I give him a big hug and he lifts me off my feet. 

“The house looks awesome! The guys are going to love it.” I had been ‘renting’ the house that the boys had bought together but really, I live here free because I buy things to decorate the house with. 

“Wait til you see the music room” I wink at him.

“You made a music room????” I see his eyes go wide and he bounces on the ball of his feet. “I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see!” I turn the oven off and walk him down to the basement. I open a door in the far corner and show him into a room set with all the guitars and the bass guitars that they don’t bring on tour. Ashton’s first drum set is positioned in the corner and there is acoustic padding set throughout the room. Pictures of them holding different awards are hung up and in the center is a picture of me and them. 

“I know it’s a little selfish to have me hanging in here and you can take it down or whatever, I just had it up because whenever I miss you, I come down here and fuss around on Belle and look at the picture.” I point over to my trusty pink guitar that Cal got me for my 14th birthday. Calum doesn’t say anything, he just hugs me. 

“I can’t believe it. This place is so awesome and I know the guys are going to love it. They should be here soon.” he smiles. “We were planning on going to the beach since we have been wearing heavy coats for weeks but they may try to stay here” he laughs.

“I can’t help how well I know you guys.”

“I guess I am going to have to talk them into still going out. Oh yeah, speaking of talking, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” I take a deep breath and motion for Calum to sit on one of the stools by his bass. 

“So we have been best friends for like 8 years now and I want you to know that I don’t want you too feel bad that you never noticed this because honestly, I was amazing at hiding it.”

“Hiding what?” he interrupts.

“It’s not easy for me to say because the reasoning behind it was so stupid and I don’t suffer from this anymore but I mean I don’t want you to think less of me. When I was younger I had these demons in my head that made everything so much worse and you were able to keep them at bay but then you left and went on tour and you had to work so hard and I just…I’m not blaming you. It’s my own fault and I know that but”

“Snow, just spit it out.”

“Calum.” I sigh deeply again. “I’m scared to go to the beach because I don’t want everyone to see my scars.” I avoid eye contact by looking anywhere but at Calum.

“Scars? What scars” he almost sounds angry but sad at the same time. 

“I was scared to tell you because I don’t want you to hate me or kick me out or ignore me. I was young and stupid and I didn’t know how to stop. I couldn’t talk to you about it because you were in America, having the time of your life with your best friends and I couldn’t ruin that. Not for this, not because I couldn’t control myself with a blade.” I rush.

“And you are scared to go to the beach because you don’t want us to see them or other people?”

“I don’t want to be judged for something that I did when I was younger. I know I’m 'better’ now but the truth is, I don’t think I will ever be cured.”

“You can be.”

“How can you know that?” I ask, hopeful that his answer is truthful.

“Ashton used to be like that and now look at him. He helps people all the time and do you really think we would just up and leave you? I thought you knew me better then that.” He looked heart broken.

“I didn’t think that. That is why I decided to tell you. I was hoping that you could help me get over my self esteem issues with the scars” I tell him. 

“How about this then Snow, how about I get us a rent us a house on the water with a private beach. That way, it’s just us and the boys and then you can ease yourself into wearing a bathing suit around people. Sound like a plan?” He suggests.

“You sure you don’t want to run?”

“Never”

“Y/N!!!!!!!!!!!” I hear from upstairs. “You bring them down and I will get that house” he smiles. 

“I have the best friend in the world.”

“Yeah you do” he laughs. I give him a quick hug and head upstairs. I’ll have to give that speech later again but now that Cal knows and he is okay with it, I think I can do it. With his help of course.

-Kimmie