I know and love all those headcanons and fics about Dirk just being very inexperienced and slightly confused when it comes to dates and romance and especially sex, but also consider this:
A young Dirk, fresh out of the CIA labs, who finds himself friendless and alone in a world he doesn’t understand, and that doesn’t seem to want to understand him, and the only way he can find some human connection is sex. Because it’s easy to find someone who will take him home, older men who like his boyish face, girls, who think that he looks harmless enough that they can imagine losing their virginity to him, women who just filed their divorce and want to have some fun without consequences.
Dirk soaks up all and every little kiss and touch and gasp, because he’s so desperate for love; from time to time, he confuses it with actual affection, but that usually doesn’t last for long. The universe is quick to show him his place again.
And then, suddenly, really, there is Todd, and Todd is angry and bitter and absolutely wonderful, and who seems to like him almost as much as Dirk likes him. They found a time machine and solved a crime and saved a girl, and yet the most exciting thing is still when Todd kisses him for the first time, early in the morning, while Dirk is telling what he thinks is a fascinating story about a pot of petunias and a whale.
Only that Todd expects the most awkward, fumbling of kisses, Dirk blushing and stuttering and not knowing what to do, but Dirk pulls him closer with a steady hand on Todd’s hip, licks into his mouth and nibbles on Todd’s lower lip, kisses him breath- and mind- and senseless. They break apart, or rather, Dirk pulls back, with a smug grin on his lips, and Todd doesn’t move, just gapes at him, and Dirk thinks that maybe, those faceless men and women were good for something in the end after all.
….and we’re back, from the temporary Life Is A Trashfire Hiatus. Thanks for your patience, loves. Life is now like…50% less trashfire. Here’s hoping the rest of the embers die out sometime soon. Let’s see about finishing up this book in the meanwhile, shall we?
Meetup in Cassie’s barn begins with Tobias just like: “What the fuck, everyone? I went to sleep for a few hours and in that time Marco stole a truck and went on a trashcan rampage, Rachel got amnesia and then un-got amnesia, several of you got hugged by a dust monster, and you were on a space ship? I can’t leave you alone at all, can I???” Poor Tobias, all his faves are problematic.
Marco suggests that Tobias has things easy because the Veleek isn’t gonna come after him since he can’t morph so his scrawny bird legs are safe, and Tobias is just “come and stand under this tree branch so I can shit on your head, bro”, and I continue to be delighted by the incredibly weird form of character growth that Tobias has undergone thus far in accepting and being able to joke about his bird form.
Ignoring this entire side-conversation, Jake runs through the various things they know about the Veleek and its clicker training.
You wouldn’t even know this is a Cassie chapter, would you? Cassie is off to one side quietly feeling sick with guilt and shame over letting the Veleek take Marco. When she finally speaks up, it’s to let everyone else know that she has a plan and that she’ll only tell them what it is if she gets to be the one to carry it out.
We don’t get to know what it is, except that it’s dangerous, involves a new morph, that no one else is happy she’s the one who’s going to do it, and that they have to go to the beach.
Are we gonna get a Jesus Whale callback here? That would be nice. Or is now the time when we finally get an octopus morph?
(Which is numbered as a second chapter 39 in this entirely unofficial ebook I have found, so please forgive me if the rest of the chapter numbering in this book is fucked because I fail to correct for this, friends.)
Tobias is out for a flight near the beach, stretching his wings and trying to work off some of the feeling of frustration about how much he completely missed while his friends were going through all their Veleek shenanigans. But he’s glad to have a role in the plan, as a scout heading out over the ocean to find whatever it is that Cassie’s sent him to find.
Turns out he’s looking for a whale, which he eventually finds, tracks to be sure he knows where it’s headed, and then flies back to tell Cassie about.
The kids are wandering around the beach trying to act normal and not like they’re waiting for a hawk to come and talk to them. (We’ll ignore Marco’s casual fat-shaming of random people out to get some sun, except to note that he apparently watches Baywatch, which seemed anachronistic to me until I verified just now that it ran until 2001. Which. REALLY?)
The whole thing is tense. Marco’s trying too hard to class-clown it up, Rachel’s pretty shaken up from her entire amnesia situation, Cassie’s nervous and still feeling guilty and bad, and Jake’s freaked out about Cassie’s big dangerous plan. No one’s having any fun.
Tobias turns up to tell Cassie where to get the whale, and Jake tries one more time to talk Cassie out of it. He’s concerned about “the force of the impact” and “what if you hit too fast” and I’m sorry, but I’ve gone to a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy “whale and bowl of petunias” place, and - are they going to drop a whale on the Veleek? I have so many questions.
Cassie is not to be dissuaded. Her plan involves quick changes among three different morphs and she’s the fastest morpher, so she’s the best one to do it.
So off they go; everyone but Ax wades out into the surf and starts into dolphin morph. Tobias almost immediately sends up the alarm - the Veleek has appeared! But it ends up just sort of hovering in the air because, as we learned back on the ship, it doesn’t like water. Clever girl, Cassie! They finish morphing and swim off toward the whale, tracking it with their echolocation.
The whale is fairly chill about a pod of dolphins appearing by his side, and seems reasonably cooperative when Cassie asks him to stay at the water’s surface and not dive again just yet. I don’t think this is our Jesus Whale, just another chill whale. She starts to demorph, while the other stay in dolphin form and hold her up against the whale so that she can place her hand against it and acquire its morph. The Veleek is still just sort of hovering overhead waiting for a chance to attack, and I’m picturing it acting like a frustrated dog when you pretend to throw a ball but don’t actually throw it. Poor Veleek, it’s doing its best.
As soon as she’s got the morph, the whale speeds away, leaving Cassie fully human, draped over her friends, spluttering, and checking to see if Tobias is overhead for the next part.
Okay. So. We’re doing this, I guess?
The only way I can see this playing out from here is Cassie’s gonna be something small and portable for Tobias to carry up high over the Veleek’s head, and then he’s going to drop her, and she’s going have to go human and then whale just in time to…land on the Veleek and squash him into the ocean? How are they going to manage to get Cassie up and over the Veleek before it can attack? Is anyone here nerdy enough to make the bowl of petunias joke?
a/n: okay, this is my submission for jilytober! I’m posting it here rather than on the official jilytober tumblr because it went over the word limit by, ahem, a lot, and there wasn’t the read more option when you submit. I’m sorry!
you for asking me to participate in this! it’s such a fun way to celebrate Jily and I had a lot of fun writing my fic. I could write 20,000
words of a happy, long Jily life if you let me. happy Jilytober, everyone! :)
That was my chance to make a tribute to that awesome movie (and book) “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” ! Cause yeah, that’s a reference to this moment, with the Whale and the bowl of petunias falling xD
just a small illustration to one of my all-time favourite books, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.