“Are you okay?”
“I can only hope, Agent Scully.”
She never thought she would see the day when Agent Doggett would remind her of Mulder.
(And not just because he wound up in the hospital at the end of this case.)
Something’s changed, though. There was an openness to his approach this time around that surprised her. Nothing particularly extreme – it’s not as though he ran into the tunnel believing he would find poltergeists or mothmen, as Mulder might have done – but when confronted with something completely bizarre and outside the bounds of conventional wisdom, he didn’t shut down. He took it in stride, ultimately improvising a solution that unquestionably saved lives.
It was a very “Mulder” thing to do.
And then of course there was the part where she almost lost him. That was also, unfortunately, decidedly Mulder-like.
In the end, though, he made it out okay. Thank God. When the image from his video feed started moving again, the relief she felt turned her knees to water. Though somewhat less intensely than earlier, guilt still gnaws at her over sending him alone, over staying behind because she couldn’t risk her pregnancy with some possible contagion. (The pregnancy she still hasn’t disclosed to him.)
She convinced herself before, when she was pursuing the IVF treatment, that getting pregnant wouldn’t affect her ability to work. She reasoned that surely, if she’d managed to work more or less uninterrupted while fighting cancer, it wouldn’t be a problem. She wonders now how naive that was. Her hand drifts to her belly, to the roundness that’s just started to become visible there, and she sighs. She’s going to have no choice but to tell him soon.
She told Skinner out of necessity, not just because of work but also because she was still having so much trouble believing it, and saying it out loud made it real. Her mother… well of course she had to tell her mother. And the Gunmen figured it out when Byers saw the ultrasound machine at the hospital. Beyond that, though, she hasn’t told a soul. Not that she has a lot of friends she could share this sort of news with, these days.
Agent Doggett may not be someone she socializes with outside of work, but he is her partner. Telling him would be a logical thing to do, and there is nothing logical about the primary reason she still hasn’t. True, it is technically none of his business, but there’s more to it than that.
It’s just that somehow, deep down, no matter how unrealistic a hope it’s turned out to be, she wanted to be able to tell Mulder first. She hoped… well, she hoped a lot of things. None of which seem likely to come to pass anytime soon.
She’s going to have to tell him. Not today, not after everything that’s just happened. But before too much longer. In the meantime, she just has to figure out how to convince herself that telling Agent Doggett doesn’t mean she’s given up on Mulder.