the way you smoke your cigarette

A guide to being an apathetic Byronic aristocrat vampire in the 21st century
  • If the sun is up return to bed and wait until nighttime. There are not enough hours in the night to spend them sleeping. Once it is dark you can be all Dante Rossetti about it and stroll about some darkened woodland or else lay amongst Chinese patterned pillows in the nude reading Marcel Proust. 
  • In fact do a great many things naked. Or if you insist do them naked under a silk robe which trails after you as you stalk the halls of your estate.
  • And since everyone is fated to die anyway smoke cigarettes while you can. Be blasé about death in general. Or lament it constantly – incessantly – until all who know you associate it with your presence. That is what being a Romantic is all about.
  • And in the spirit of Byron take such bad care of yourself – by eating badly and drinking copiously – that you might at any moment pass into that lamented great beyond. The best ways to die are in a battle or in a Revolution as well as from sloth – simply laying about wasting away transfixed by a beautiful painting or the memory of a lost lover – or finally simply succumbing to an illness procured from exposure to the harsh elements of nature. The last is the most probable since you will often find yourself standing on mountaintops above mist-laden seascapes shouting Nietzschean quotes into the frosty air and heralding your own impending doom in the process.
  • Read many books. Watch Orlando by Sally Potter for immortal style tips.
  • Become a sensual creature (as opposed to a sexually satisfied one) so that you may either conquer a harmen of lovers wherein you can loose yourself for hours on end in a kind of Delta of Venus scenario or else live as an Dionysian hermit finding solace entirely in literature, flowers and moonlight.
  • Be not strictly woman or man but rather an amalgamation of femininity and masculinity. Embrace bisexuality. 
  • Keep strange pets. Anything besides a dog or cat or gerbil. Or if you must have a dog then choose a Borzoi or Wolf Hound. And if you must procure a cat then name it Lassitude or Nothing as Jean Paul Sartre did. Raise peacocks and keep a menagerie of exotic fauna and flora in an otherwise overgrown rose garden.  
  • Half of what you say ought to be a quote by John Milton, Dante Alighieri, William Shakespeare or Oscar Wilde. Either that or nothing. If you are not reciting – either the work of others or your own – then be quiet. Observe and consider, but rarely speak.
  • Drink red wine. And white wine. And champagne. Do not however drink vodka unless you find yourself in the Russian Winter Palace filial roaming pale and crazy-eyed down halls with a fur coat whipping behind you and a novel by Tolstoy in your pocket. 
  • Life is a feast. Eat oysters for breakfast and decorate your dinner table – and the food itself – with flowers. Hannibal is the go to cooking program for culinary flair.
  • In fact Hannibal ought to be the only tv show you watch besides Penny Dreadful. 
  • Wear chokers. All your jewelry ought to be heirlooms. 
  • Keep a much younger lover – if you are a woman – or a much older one – if you are a man – and have them rip the choker from your pale neck as you fall together in a passionate throw onto a 17th century ottoman.
  • Dress in shrouds of velvet and silk. 
  • Stay out of the sun.
  • A moushe – a painted-on beauty mark – is entirely appropriate, as is a Jacobin ruff.
  • From now on sex shall be referred to as Making Cattleya.
  • Appropriate venues for socializing are cafés which do not play music or serve cappuccinos, theaters built before 1960 and opera houses not built after 1930. Jazz clubs which refrain from fusion or acid. Libraries and old cinemas in general. Family estates and parental mansions, abandoned houses in the country side, churches and cemeteries, woodland openings and castle lawns, museums and – of course – small apartments where you can sit on the floor smoke cigarettes and discuss the collective sense of ennui you share with your friends.
  • Inappropriate venues are shopping malls, franchise coffee shops and anywhere where reading a novel or smoking might seem out of place. In fact stay clear of any place built after 1980. Avoid food courts, gyms, sports or hotel bars and clubs with more than one dance floor as the plague.
  • Refer to your circle of friends as your Family. Be religiously devote and romantically involved with them. When it comes to your actually family a cool somewhat distanced relationship is the most appropriate. Or if so inclined consider a more obsessive cloistering constellation that will inevitably lead to rumors of past inbreeding – the French aristocratic kind – and scandal. Refer to your parents by their first name or not at all and thus have them remain an elusive periphery to your life. 
  • Instead declare Richard Wagner as your emergency contact.
  • Descend stairwells slowly.
  • Express yourself through Greek axioms and lyrical poetry or lingering secretive stares. Consider perfume as a means of communication. 
  • Remember that the only respectable means of transport are the Oriental Express, steamships across the Atlantic or long boats along the Nile. You may also travel by foot if you do so in a languid fashion. As far as tourism goes the primary vehicle of experience ought to be stargazing and kissing. 
  • Consider yourself eternal
  • And eternity meaningless. 
tsundere (m)

Originally posted by nnochu

⇢ resident advisor! yoongi x reader, college au

⇢ word count: 11.2k

⇢ summary: according to the rumours, min yoongi is a bad apple- doesn’t take grades seriously, drinks as if he has two livers, a certified bad boy™. when you get paired up with him for a project, you’d never expect that someone like him would have a thing or two to teach you about life itself- and how it should be lived. 

⇢ warnings: angst, smut

🎵 song recommendation: something just like this by coldplay x the chainsmokers

a/n: finally something that isn’t pwp????? :”) 


Panic races through your veins and fills up your airway, causing your breathing to double itself, chest heaving in an attempt to calm yourself down. No, this can’t be happening, you chant to yourself over and over. The clock on your laptop is glaringly bright in the near darkness of your room, and the numbers burn themselves into the back of your eyelids. When you close your eyes, the uncomfortable stinging of your contact lenses makes your eyes water and at this point they might as well be tears of desperation.

It’s not like you’ve never had writer’s block before, you reason with yourself. You just have to start writing and edit along the way. Your own voice of reason is drowned out by the anxiety that echoes all the possible consequences of not acing this paper. It’s nearly 4 am and the essay you have so far in front of you is not enough to get an A, you know it in your bones but you can’t come up with anything better either. You could just submit this as it is, but anything less than an A on this paper would pull you down from the cusp of that ever elusive first class honours. And you can’t afford to graduate with anything less than that. The very thought of it sends a fresh chill of panic that creeps down your spine and jolts your fingers into a typing frenzy, spilling thoughts and ideas onto your screen till you reach the end of the page.

But when you read over what you’ve written, it doesn’t make sense at all, just incoherent rambling sentences strung together into a never ending paragraph. In frustration you shove your laptop away from you and push back your chair, reaching for your keys and phone. Sneaking a peek at your roommate’s still form across the room, you let yourself out of the room silently, feeling your tensed shoulders relax immediately as the cool night air embraces you with open arms.

It’s a little chilly to be out in just a long shirt and sleep shorts, but since there’s no one awake to catch you dressed like this, it’s the least of your concerns for now. The balcony that is attached to your room affords a little privacy, and it’s one of the perks of occupying the corner room on this floor. The tranquillity of the cold, autumn night directly contrasts with the millions of theories and concepts running through your mind, and any attempts at clearing your mind are failing pathetically. The residential halls are eerily silent at this time of the night, and as you glance down over the protective railings, you consider how easy it would be to just climb over, just one leg over and then-

“Late night?” You whirl around at the interruption of a raspy, gruff voice sounding from behind you. Your eyes are met with a figure clothed in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans, but it’s only when you squint in the darkness to survey his face that you realise who he is.

Keep reading

I fell asleep in an acid bath of depression that ate away my skin and burned a hole through my esophagus. People called it a suicide attempt. I skipped art for a week after that.

You found my undead corpse filling lemonade cans with vodka on the way to the bus stop that always smelled a bit too much like the cigarettes my father used to smoke,

And you stitched up my wrists with your frayed, dirty shoelaces that stained my veins with a hopelessness that spread from my fingertips to my spine.

Fast forward a month and we were torturing ourselves just to feel again. We strangled ourselves with seatbelts instead of driving off a cliff because that takes a level of commitment that neither of us had.

But I need change like you need a quick fuck. The love we wrote about in chalk got washed away by your tongue when you shoved it down her throat and was painted over by the blood dripping out my skull onto the pavement after I jumped off of your roof.

—  High School Sweethearts
Magdalena Frackowiak’s Skin Rules
  • Firstly, don’t touch your skin, because your hands have a lot of bacteria. I also believe in always using alcohol gel on your hands, because everywhere we’re touching things.
  • When I say goodbye to someone I don’t kiss, because this also has a lot of bacteria [laughs]. Don’t kiss just anyone, that’s my advice.
  • Never try to push a pimple. If you have one, the best thing you can do is to take a pure alcohol on a Q-tip, and delicately touch it.
  • I’ll often make myself a natural mask with honey and avocado, or I’ll make a mask with oats and milk - oats are very good as a scrub to cleanse the skin. I also like pure oils - like avocado oil. I’ll warm it in my hands and rub it in.
  • When I wake up, I wash my face only with water, and I take a small towel and dab it gently.
  • In terms of products, I use Doctor Alkaitis organic moisturiser - with no perfume, no chemicals; just natural products inside. I try wherever possible to keep my skin free from chemicals day-to-day. I have an amazing herbal toner from Dr Alkaitis, but very little else.
  • I also like to make a hot bath for my skin: combine some oils and herbs and let the pores open, and then use a towel afterwards to gently dab the skin.
  • Having said that, I see Dr Colbert in New York and he has an amazing three-part treatment: the first level is basically a machine that takes away all the dirt and cleans your skin; then there’s a delicate laser that closes your pores; then the third level is an acid used like a peel. And that’s the only treatment I will do.
  • When I travel, I make sure I have a good natural moisturiser to rehydrate my skin, and once I’m on the flight I’ll put on a mask and just sleep with it on.
  • Make-up is also very important because it can clog your skin, and you don’t want your skin to be clogged. There is an Armani foundation that I use, it’s already very thin, but I’ll mix it with a little moisturiser before I apply.
  • Then vitamins, because vitamins nourish your skin from the inside out. Vitamin E, A, all the omegas, and fish oil are all very important - and also I like to eat chicken soup because it contains collagen. I eat a lot of avocado, a lot of fish, beef - because your skin is built from these oils. You need to care for the skin from inside. I can have pasta, trust me - I live in Italy. I’m not torturing myself.
  • Another thing I do, and this comes from my mother, is I sleep like this [mimes totally still, on her back, corpse pose]. You don’t want to wrinkle.
  • The other things are quite obvious. I drink a lot of water, I like hot water and lemon to clear the skin. Don’t smoke, and I don’t drink alcohol at all. I’m 30 and I have not one wrinkle, so this is why. It’s all about being very delicate with your skin and treating your skin like it’s your best friend. I say to all the young models, who are there backstage with a cigarette: “Don’t smoke!” It kills, you know, it really kills. You see that girl in 10 years and she won’t still be working, you’re like: “Wow, she changed so much,” because she destroyed herself. Don’t party too much, don’t take drugs: you get the face you deserve.
  • I like to stretch, I think it’s very important for your body, so I do yoga and pilates, but I don’t like to go to the gym and work out. I don’t have that body type. Some girls, like Izabel Goulart, have that body and look great that way, but I treat it the same way as my skin; you have to be very delicate with your body. I don’t like to have muscles, but I also don’t like to be too skinny. Sometimes I notice I got too skinny, and even my skin will suffer - maybe if I’ve been working too much - but it’s about balance.
  • I’m really proud to say I turned 30, and I’m getting so many compliments now. I’m a woman and I took care of myself.
Albert Camus for the Signs
  • Aries: "Deep feelings always mean more than they are capable of saying."
  • Taurus: "There is so much stubborn hope in the human heart."
  • Gemini: "That’s why I like you so much. Your heart isn’t dead."
  • Cancer: "Yes, be patient with me. My heart is heavy."
  • Leo: "Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is."
  • Virgo: "I am on your side. But you have no way of knowing it, because your heart is blind."
  • Libra: "I am strangely tired, not from having talked so much but at the mere thought of what I still have to say."
  • Scorpio: "I didn’t like having to explain to them, so I just shut up, smoked a cigarette, and looked at the sea."
  • Sagittarius: "How can it be that, linked to such suffering, her face is still the face of happiness for me?"
  • Capricorn: "Words that come from the heart are always simple."
  • Aquarius: "Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being."
  • Pisces: "I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world."
being sad sounds pretty
when the words of a depressed poet seem to know the way to describe their old lover’s fingers tracing circles on their skin
being sad looks pretty
when you see her eyes glistening from tears and the cigarette half hanging from her mouth as the smoke tangles itself around her hair and leaves you trailing the smell until you’re dizzy
but being sad feels ugly
when your heart aches for something that never was or maybe was but will never be again, the yearning for something greater that can never exist
being sad is ugly
not the person who is sad, but the weight that hangs over their head, the addicting quality that makes it so they never escape the grasp it has on their life, like you can never live without it, like a friend
—  roseflowr, being sad
Worse Than Nicotine

Prompt: “You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU. Where Sirius is the chain-smoking art student.

Word Count: About 5,500.

Warning(s): Smoking, sexual tension, kissing, motorcycle ride without all the gear. Don’t accept a ride from someone on a motorcycle unless they supply the proper gear and you’re wearing pants and a heavy jacket, preferably. Do some research before riding!

Note: Sort of a modern, college AU. This isn’t smut, but, I have to warn you, it does end up being smoking hot. Hah. Get it? Anyway, thank you @princesse-de-ravenclaw for reading this over!


To the barista with the pretty grey eyes,

Smoking can cause the lens of the eyes to fog up and the whites of the eyes to turn yellow. Don’t ruin their beauty. If not for yourself, then for those who have the pleasure of seeing them. ;)

Love, Y/N.

Sirius rolled his eyes, a slight chuckle escaping his lips as he pocketed yet another note from you. If you were to open a spare drawer in his flat, you would find a collection of tossed napkins with rushed scribbles littering the surface. Maybe one day Sirius would take your insistent advice, but right now, all he wanted was a drag.

“Another love letter from your favorite med student?”

Keep reading

Try Me

Request from anon for a Jax x Reader where the reader is Unser’s daughter, and Hale keeps flirting with her so she asks Jax to pretend to be her boyfriend to get him to back off. Enjoy the smut ;)

A/N - I’ve done this a little differently to my other fake boyfriend/girlfriend imagines, as I don’t want to seem repetitive :)

Originally posted by journeyslegend

“You don’t even know me. Get to know me, I promise I’ll change your mind.” You’re glad your back is turned as you roll your eyes in annoyance, not sure how long you’re going to be able to keep up the nice girl attitude for.

Turning to face the determined officer, you smile apologetically, your following answer the same as it always is. “Thanks for the offer again David, but I’m not sure things would work between us.”

“Why? Why do you always say that?” he asks, frustration heavy in his tone, his hand on your car door to stop you from leaving. “Is it because of the MC?”

“No-” You open your mouth to start denying his claims, trying to think of another reason not to go out with a dude that you just don’t find yourself attracted to, when you come up with the perfect solution. “Actually, yes. You’re completely right.”

“Listen, I know you’re close with them, but they’re bad people, (Y/N). You could do so much better.” Here he goes again, you think. Same speech as always. He doesn’t even know SAMCRO like you do, nobody does.

“Thanks for the lecture, David, but Jax asked me to be his girlfriend a couple weeks ago, and I said yes.” The pure horror on his face has you biting your lip to contain your smirk. “See you around.”

Walking into the clubhouse, you scan the room swiftly, not spotting the man you’re hoping to see. “He around, Sack?”

“In the apartments.” he responds, walking into the kitchen with a pair of rubber gloves and a plunger. You grimace, knowing Piney’s probably blocked the bog again. Shaking your head, you walk towards Jax’s residence, knocking on the closed door.

“Room service.” you call sarcastically, your voice sickly sweet. The door opens within a few seconds, Jax’s eyebrow raised, his lips turned up into a grin.

“Lucky me, though you’re slightly overdressed for the kind of ‘room service’ I’m used to.” he says, opening the door to let you in. “Wasn’t expecting to see you till’ later on.”

“I know, but I need to talk to you about a little favour so I thought I’d grace you with my wonderful company.” you tease, plonking yourself down on Jax’s bed. Shutting the door, he sits on a box in front of you, pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket.

“You can just admit you missed me, babe.” He takes a drag, your eyes capturing the way his cheeks hollow as he inhales the smoke, the action stopping your train of thought. “What do you need me for this time, Princess?“

“Are you ever going to drop that nickname? You’ve called it me for years.” He grins cheekily, the smoke parting from his pink lips as he shakes his head at you, knowing deep down you love the endearment. “Anyway-”

A knock on Jax’s door stops you, the two of you turning to see Chibs’. “Sorry to interrupt. Cops are here.”

“Could they be any further up our asses?” Jax spits rhetorically, discarding his cigarette in an ashtray on his cabinet before standing up. You follow him as he leaves the room, Chibs leading the way as the three of you head out to the front. All you’re thinking is please don’t be Hale.

You curse silently as you see the man himself standing against his police car, Jax tensing up as he sets eyes on the deputy. “You’re here so much I’m starting to think you wanna patch in.”

Hale just scowls, his eyes shifting to you as you move from behind Jax, stepping to take position between the Scot and the VP. He watches you for a moment, and you know Jax catches it as you see him look at you questioningly, a pleading look on your face as you hope he just follows your lead.

“We got a call about a guy on a motorcycle running a red light a few blocks from here.” You sigh in disbelief, having a sneaking suspicion that his visit is more out of spite than anything else. “Just here to check your plates.”

“Jesus, how bad did you piss off my dad to go from murders to speeding tickets?” you sass, folding your arms across your chest. Chibs chokes down his chuckle from next to you, taking a drag from his cig to keep down his humour.

“I’m here because it’s my job, (Y/N), to make Charming a safer place for our citizens.” You roll your eyes, nodding slowly. “Something bothering you?”

“Woah, I thought you were here for us, not for the chief’s daughter. Check your plates and you can be on your way.” Jax states protectively, not liking the way Hale is speaking to you. The officer glares in response, his hand moving to rest on the handcuffs on his belt.

“I wonder how the chief would feel if he knew what you were up to with his daughter.” Hale snaps, his whole entity dripping with jealousy. You swallow nervously, trying to hide the anxiety from your face.

Chibs laughs loudly this time, a laugh so loud with amusement that you can’t help but smile. “Jackie, you naughty boy.”

You share a look with your ‘boyfriend’, him smirking, a cocky grin spreading across his face. You let out the breath you’ve been holding in, Jax’s reaction of enjoyment rather than horror making you feel confident in your lie.

“Oh, I get it now. You’ve got a soft spot for my girl here, and you’re pissed she chose me over you.” Jax says, rolling his tongue over his lower lip smugly. “Not that you were even an option.”

“You watch your mouth, Teller.” Hale warns, his eye twitching as he steps up to Jax, the tension heavy between the two men.

“Or what?” Jax challenges, anger radiating off him in waves.

“We got a problem here, boys?” The voice of your dad cuts through the ever brewing argument, him smiling at you loving before turning his attention back to the two amped up males. “Hale, you’re not stationed to be here.“

You, Chibs and Jax watch on as Hale turns into a flushed mess, having no decent excuse for ever coming to TM in the first place - though you all know why he did.

“Thanks, dad.” You hug your father as you speak, him squeezing you tightly before leaving you to it.

“So, something you need to tell me?” Jax asks as you sit on the bench outside, embarrassment crawling up your body. “Wasn’t aware I was taken, darlin’.”

He nudges you playfully, your hands covering your face as you groan. “He’s been pestering me for weeks, figured you were the best deterrent.”

“Thanks.” Jax deadpans, a small smirk on his face as he passes you the cig, you taking a drag as you think about what to say. “Glad I could be of service, I guess.”

“Thanks for going along with it. Guess I owe you one.” You tap off the ash and pass the stick back, biting your lip anxiously. “How about I do you a favor?”

“Sweetheart, no offence but the kind of favours I’d like to have you do for me aren’t exactly innocent.” You cough, his reply completely unexpected, your core tingling involuntarily.

“Try me.” you tease, your gaze flickering to his lips for just a second, your hand coming to rest on his thigh, fingertips inching upwards.

Next thing you know, the two of you are locked at the lips, thankful that the clubhouse is empty, the others off on runs and whatever else. “How long have we got?”

“Half hour, tops.” Jax mumbles, connecting his lips back to yours, his tongue in your mouth eliciting a moan from you. “I don’t see us lasting that long to be honest, darlin’.”

You squeal as you feel yourself being lifted, the pool table becoming your seat as Jax places you on top. You rip at his flannel, the buttons scattering all over the room. Your fingers explore up and down his chiseled chest as he begins to nibble and suck at your neck, your eyes closing in pleasure as he works his way down.

“Please, Jax…” you pant, your underwear positively soaked as his tongue slips over your exposed skin. He practically growls at your pleading, him ripping himself from you as he expertly undoes his jeans, the fabric pooling at his ankles, his boxers joining the denim.

Your eyes widen as his cock stands before you, you pressing your thighs together subconsciously as the ache grows stronger. “Like what you see, Princess?”

“Don’t get too smug, Jackson, gotta see if you can fuck me well enough, first.“ His hands pull at your shorts, you lifting your ass to help assist as he rids the material from your legs. Once he’s discarded the fabric somewhere across the room, he connects his lips back to yours, lifting and squeezing your ass as he moves to you to the edge of the table.

You barely feel him move your underwear to the side before he sinks into you, a gasp leaving your lips as he nuzzles into your neck, his teeth biting at your skin as he fills you up.

You dig your nails into his biceps as he moves out of you, slamming back in deeply. He pulls back, loving the expressions you make as he fucks you so well, the little moans and gasps leaving your lips making him want to explode there and then.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to feel you around me, (Y/N).” You place your hands behind you to steady yourself, your pussy feeling even wetter as he talks to you. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”

“I’m so close, already. Fuck, just like that.” you whine as he hits all the right places, his strokes alternating in speed, but never lacking in power.

You rub your clit, clenching your pussy as you come, your mouth open yet nothing comes out. “That’s it, come for me, baby. Good girl.”

Jax grips the back of your neck as he speeds up his thrusts, his gaze locked on yours as he gets closer and closer to climaxing. You’re practically on fire as you feel another orgasm creeping up on you, the pure hunger in Jax’s eyes making you more sensitive than ever.

“Who knew you could take cock so well.” he whispers as he drills into you, a high pitched moan slipping from your lips. “Imagine if someone walked in right now, saw what a dirty slut you are, so desperate for me.”

His degrading words push you over the edge, a loud curse leaving you as stars fill your vision, Jax continuing to slam into you as he rides you through your high. “You gonna take my come, hm? Gonna let me fill you up like the good girl you are?”

“Yes, fuck, please Jax.” you plead desperately, your nails clawing down his stomach as he places hos forehead against your own, his eyes clenching shut as he let’s go.

He kisses you roughly as he comes inside of you, his hips gently rocking as his hot spurts shoot inside of you, your teeth sucking at his bottom lip.

He pulls out of you slowly, his juices and your own dripping from your satisfied pussy, your body feeling empty without his shaft inside of you.

Jax buckles up his pants, grabbing your shorts before lifting you up as if you weigh nothing. He carries you down the hall, just in time in fact as voices begin to fill the clubhouse.

Reaching his room, he places you down on the bed, his body crawling over yours as he moves a piece of hair from your face. “I’ve gotta go for a vote, but when I get back, we’re gonna see how sexy you look on your hands and knees.”

With that, he’s gone, leaving you shaken and hungry for more.

A/N - It’s been a whileeeeeee since I wrote some smut, but I’m so glad with how this turned out!!!! Hope you guys likeddddddd xxxx

What I learnt from Superskinny’s

Been watching supersize vs super skinny for a while (up to season 2 now) and this is what I’ve learnt so far from the super skinny’s diets. Special warning though, most of the contestants have various health issues, I wouldn’t recommend their lifestyle for teenagers or younger people unless they want to be short, have poorly developed brains or worsen their acne. Eat healthy kids. 

  • Drink tea, energy drinks or coffee for energy instead of food. (Or just in between meals, if you do have it instead of food, maybe a take a vitamin and drink plenty of water) 
  • Have a busy lifestyle - all the skinny’s had activities that were very time consuming, a mother/marathon runner, model/dancer, studying law etc (The supersizes also don’t set time away to cook or plan healthy meals, opting for fast alternatives like junk food and fast food, if you plan on eating set some time aside each week to buy fresh produce and eat, this way you’ll be eating way more nutritious, lower calorie, and more filling food. Cooking is also underrated)
  • Tiny portions - instead of a whole sandwich just have half, child sized portions, don’t finish your food, give parts of your food to other people, be picky when eating.  (This includes the ratio of your food groups as well, make sure your eating balanced meals that aren’t just meat and refined carbs, packing on the veggies is a great to feel full and satisfied after a meal without packing on the calories, and your body will thank you for it)
  • Eat non distracted - The supersized people usually eat in front of the tv, after a few days of eating at the table with a superskinny they often start feeling more full from their meals, especially when they pay attention to how much their eating. 
  • Eat slowly, chew your food, pay attention to the sensation of feeling more full, if you fast from time to time you’ll be very familiar with this feeling. Always stop once you’re starting to feel full and slow down, it takes roughly 20 minutes from the time you start eating to feel full. 
  • Drinking water in and taking time between bites also helps.
  • Don’t eat after 6pm - Supersized people often snack into the night.
  • Cook your own food, stay away from takeaway (if you can’t avoid it try microwave meals - it controls your portions while takeaways are always huge and don’t give you the amount of calories and fat) 
  • don’t build eating up to a huge deal - superskinnys were always just “whatever” about food while supersizers were the ones acting like food was a huge part of their life. If you make food out to be the pinnacle of life, you will binge. It’s just food. Treat it as fuel rather than indulgence.  
  • If you already smoke, use it instead of snacks to satisfy hunger pains - coffee and a cigarette can be a good way to start the day when restricting (be careful with caffeine intake on an empty stomach though, I sometimes get nauseous or headaches from it) 
  • If you can don’t eat alone - do be aware of how those around you might influence your diet, supersizers often had families who accepted and treated their eating as normal. Don’t look at someone else’s plate as an indication of what’s normal, try to rely on your own standards. 
Whiskey

A Bucky Barnes One-Shot

Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 5,717 (yup…)

Warnings: NSFW 18+ Smut! Sexual penetration, oral (male and female receiving), face sitting, dirty talk, language, drinking, Bucky being everyone’s wet dream…

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long, but I worked HARD on this one and I’m totally proud of it! (and before anyone asks, Howl at the Moon is a real bar in Indiana!) Enjoy. :) 



You stood in the street and looked up at the new sign that was being hung up in front of the building.

Howl at the Moon

Your pride and joy. You smiled with a shake of your head. This bar had just started out a little hole in wall. Nobody knew about it, and you were barely making ends meet with only 2 people on staff.

Now, it was a world-renowned biker bar. People from all over the globe have stopped in. You have worked hard to make it what it is. The many roaring engines from motorcycles and loud laughter rule this spot.

It kept your life interesting.

The alcohol stays flowing all night long and the grill stays hot. Your most popular item on the menu? Beer served in buckets. You would be surprised at how many buckets these burly bikers can put away.

Sing-a-longs, dance-offs and dirty humor keep your patrons coming back for more. Your lady bartenders have been known to jump on the bar to dance to some old rock n’ roll. Yourself included.

Ashley, your best friend, came up beside you and looked at the sign as well. “It looks fantastic.”

You poked her with your elbow, “Well I would hope you think so, you drew up the concept.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped her head, “I’m a genius.”

You looked up at the black wolf, nose pointed up at a blue moon with a howl. It was really going to stand out at night when it was all lit up.

Keep reading

1. Your first heartbreak is going to be the worst. You’ll be fine within the year.
2. She doesn’t care if you cut your wrists or your legs or your hands or feet for her. Don’t do it.
3. Enveloping yourself in a book or movie on a Friday night is okay. There will be parties next weekend, too.
4. Don’t play hard to get. Don’t play any games at all. If you have to play a game with someone to get them to fall for you, they aren’t worth it.
5. When you find out she cheated and you run out of the restaurant and punch a light pole til your knuckles are bleeding and bruised, remember that people can see you. Don’t show them how weak you are.
6. When you find the next girl who makes you feel something for the first time after your last break up, do not trust her. She knows you are vulnerable and she will use it against you.
7. Run from anyone you feel a magnetic pull towards. If you are drawn to someone you barely know, run. That will never end well.
8. Thank your parents. They really do love you.
9. Your priorities should be yourself, then school, then partying. In that order.
10. You’re gonna wanna say, “I love you” much sooner than you should. Make sure you’re both ready for it.
11. You don’t NEED anyone but yourself and a good group of people that loves you. A girl will not fill the void in your heart.
12. You can like whatever music or movies you want. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re bad or stupid for the things you enjoy.
13. When your animal dies it’s gonna break your fucking heart. It’s okay.
14. Never open your mouth when you’re angry.
15. It’s okay to cry. Whether it’s because you failed a test, the book/movie was really good, or your chest is ripped wide open because she left without a warning, you can cry.
16. People are gonna leave. That’s not a reflection of you, don’t blame yourself.
17. Smoking cigarettes will not benefit you in any way. Stop while you’re ahead.
18. If you are not a whole person, do not try to date someone. Two halves don’t make a whole. They make a broken and toxic relationship.
19. If she calls you on your birthday and tell you she’s seeing someone else, do not stay on the phone with her and cry. Do not tell her you miss her. Say, “I’ve gotta go, it’s my birthday.” And never speak to her again.
20. You are always good enough. If people don’t want you, it’s a reflection of their shortcomings, not your own.
—  20 things they forgot to tell me before I turned 20
‘Lust for Life’ best lyric quotes

Lana Del Rey just released her not-so-dramatic new album, gracing us with beautiful poetry — something that’s not unusual to her songs. Here are my favorite quotes from LDR’s new lyrics!


1. Love

“You’re part of the past, but now you’re the future“

“The world is yours and you can’t refuse it“

“It doesn’t matter if I’m not enough
For the future or the things to come
‘Cause I’m young and in love“


2. Lust for Life

“In these stolen moments
The world is mine”

“'Cause we’re the masters of our own fate
We’re the captains of our own souls“

“There’s no stopping now, green lights forever


3. 13 Beaches

“It hurts to love you, but I still love you“

“But you still can find me if you ask nicely”


4. Cherry

“Real love is like feeling no fear“

“A touch from your real love
Is like heaven taking the place of something evil”

“I fall to pieces when I’m with you“


5. White Mustang

“I didn’t call when I got your number
But I liked you a lot”

“You held me in your arms just a little too tight“


6. Summer Bummer

“It’s never too late
To be who you wanna be“

“It’s never too late
To leave if you wanna leave
Or to stay if you wanna stay“

“Is this love or lust or some game on repeat?“


7. Groupie Love

“It’s so sweet, swingin’ to the beat
When I know that you’re doing it all for me“

“It’s so sweet, pouring you a drink
And pretending that nothing means anything“

“Taking our dreams, turning them to things
It’s like magic, babe, isn’t life wonderful?“


8. In My Feelings

“Could it be that I fell for another loser”

“Get that cigarette smoke out of my face
You’ve been wasting my time“

“If you were me, and I was you
I’d get out of my way“


9. Coachella - Woodstock In My Mind

“I’d give it all away if you give me just one day to ask him one question”

“Critics can be so mean sometimes“

“That words could turn to birds and birds would send my thoughts your way“


10. God Bless America - And All Beautiful Women In It

“Take me as I am
Don’t see me for what I’m not”

“Even when I’m alone
I’m not lonely“

“May you stand proud and strong
Like Lady Liberty shining all night long”

“Even walking alone, I’m not worried
I feel your arms all around me”


11. When the World Was at War We Kept Dancing

“If we hold on to hope, we’ll have a happy ending”

“Oh my god, did it from loving you“


12. Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

“Long live our reign, long live our love”

“We get so tired and we complain
'Bout how it’s hard to live”

“Beautiful problems, God knows we’ve got them
But we gotta try
Every day and night”


13. Tomorrow Never Came

“I waited for you
In the spot you said to wait
In the city, on a park bench
In the middle of the pouring rain
'Cause I adored you”

“You said to meet me up there tomorrow
But tomorrow never came”

“'Cause if I had my way, you would always stay“

“Lennon and Yoko, we would play all day long
“Isn’t life crazy?”, I said now that I’m singing with Sean
Whoa”


14. Heroin

“The facts of life can sometimes make it hard to dream“

“My hope’s that you come back again
And tell me everything’s okay“

“I’m flying to the moon again, dreaming about heroin
And how it gave you everything and took your life away”

“I hope that I come back one day
To tell you that I really changed, baby”


15. Change

“Lately, I’ve been thinking it’s just someone else’s job to care
Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?”

“Trying to find the power in me to be faithful“

“There’s a change gonna come, I don’t know where or when
But whenever it does, we’ll be here for it“


16. Get Free

“Undoubtedly, that will for certain
Take the dead out of the sea and the darkness from the arts”

“I’m doing it for all of us who never got the chance
And all my birds of paradise who never got to fly at night”

“Sometimes it feels like I’ve got a war in my mind
I want to get off, but I keep riding the ride”

“I wanna move
Out of the black into the blue"

It Wasn’t Real (part two)

Summary: You’re part of the infamous Loser’s Club, and often asked, what are you afraid of? You reply, nothing, but what your friends don’t know is that your biggest fear is them.

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - finale

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

Pairing: Loser’s Club x Reader, slight Henry x Reader (you’ll see) and slight Eddie x Reader

Warnings: force, bullying, depressing and sad tones, pennywise.

Tag’s List: @chalatea - @darlingimafangirl - @chalatea - @myfriendmagislit -@frozenhealswrites - @fl0werb0nes18 - @emotionallyenterprised - @alec-lighwccd - @bellasett - @starshininginthedark - @tastefulcaring - @impulsivesuperrobin - @newtandthediamonds - @huge-waste-of-time - @jess-sxcks - @theoraekensnotsosecretlover - @moonageharry - @nieligator - @sufferingstilinski - @the-fantastic-fandom-dork - @horsiesandstuff - @arianamichelle04 - @allofmyships - @darlingimawriter - @gcnnyweasleys - @redvelvet-cupcake - @almusanzug - @d0nt-g0-imagines - @brighter-thanthe-sky
wanna be featured? message me letting me know!
bolded is who I couldn’t tag.


Originally posted by eddiekcspbrak

When you’d woken up that morning, the house was yet again filled with silence.

The weekend, in your opinion had gone by too quickly as you woke up that Monday morning. You had the house to yourself, as your mother hadn’t come home all weekend, but that in itself wasn’t odd. Your mother could not come home for days on end, weeks, depending on what man she’d found and set herself up with for a while.

Your mother would rather spend her time with randoms strangers that could hurt her for all she knew, than see her own daughter.

But of course, you weren’t shocked and it most definitely wasn’t anything out of the norm. And on the plus side, it meant you got to be by yourself for a while, which never seemed to happen anymore. You liked to believe that’s why the weekend had gone by quickly, and not because you dreaded the faces you were going to see when you walked through the school halls.

You sighed heavily as you sat up in your bed, groaning as you felt the muscles in your back pop. You tried to ignore the creaking your bed made as you moved, a constant annoyance as you tried to sleep at night. Letting your eyes fall on the alarm clock, you read the time seven in the morning, the time you usually woke up. Which also meant you had about thirty minutes to get ready.

You paused for a moment, letting your eyes wander around you. Something felt off, you weren’t sure just what yet. But there was an unsettling feeling in your stomach. Shrugging it off, you got up off your bed and begin getting ready for school.

It seemed though, that that morning you’d gotten a bit lost in your mind. You were suppose to leave at seven thirty, since it was a fifteen minute walk to school and classes began at eight-fifty in the morning. When you’d finally finished getting dressed, and throwing your hair up in some kind of look, the clock read seven-thirty-nine. You had about eleven minutes to get to school, which wouldn’t be bad, if you hurried.

Grabbing your bag off the kitchen table, where it’d been all weekend, you rushed out the door, slamming it behind you. You nearly tripped over your own feet as you ran down your steps, stumbling forward ungracefully. As you turned the corner to begin your walk on the road, you felt yourself slam against another. 

The force of the hit made you stumble back slightly, only for you to loose your footing and slam onto your butt. You huffed in annoyance, moaning in pain as you landed unnaturally on the concrete beneath you. 

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Though your mind drifted from your own pain when you’d heard the voice, a voice that you’d never forget. It was a lot deeper than you remembered, but that was to be expected. Your thoughts were only confirmed when you peered up above you, and saw the familiar dark brown eyes above you.

“Mike?!” You asked, your voice cracking besides yourself. Mike looked away from his bike, the same bike he’d ridden as a child you’d noticed, and the packages packed within the basket to you. You watched his face fall, and his eyes flitter up above you to your house. “I’d forgotten this was your house…”

While it was an innocent enough statement, you felt your heart burn. He’d forgotten where you’d lived but you hadn’t forgotten the bike he used to ride as a child. 

Snapping out of your thoughts, you looked at your wrist watch; seven-forty-three. You didn’t accept Mike’s hand as you crawled up yourself, dusting off your jeans in a haste before turning and running the other direction. 

“Y/N?!”

“School!” You called back, looking over your shoulder. “I’m gonna be late!”


“You’re late… Ms. Y/L/N.” You paused in the doorway, you’d barely walked through the door before your science teacher had alerted everyone else of your presence. Clenching your fists, you nodded your head, already knowing if you were to say anything else it’d back fire on you.

Your stupid science teacher didn’t even spare you a glance, didn’t look up from his desk. But the many students sitting in their desks did, anything to get them away from the boring text book work they’d had to start. You checked your watch briefly, you were four minutes late. That’s it. You could still feel your heart pumping against your chest sporadically, and your breathing coming out unevenly.

You waited impatiently at the door, practically begging to be allowed in. “Please step out.” He ordered you, and you felt your mouth fall open in shock. “B-But i’m only four minutes lat-”

“Four minutes too late, Ms. Y/L/N.” Your science teacher interrupted you. Finally he looked up at you, but only halfway. You sputtered for a response, you were never late. Not once. You arrived five minutes early even if you could, but this one day. One day! And he was acting as if you’d committed a crime. “You know the rules. If you are late, you do not to come to class.”

It wasn’t normal that you got angry. Hell, half of the time it looked as if you didn’t even know what emotions were. But you could feel your chest burning, as if you’d been shot and the anger run through your body. So, you did the first thing that flew to your mind. “Fuck you.” And stormed out the door.

“Ms-Ms. Y/L/N! Get- You get back here right now!”

You stomped through the hallways, passing by a few skippers who gave you odd looks. But no part of you cared. You were stressed, tired and exhausted. None of you wanted to deal with any of this today, but you knew that you’d later regret that. When it came to tomorrow and you had to walk through the doors, but all of that slipped through your usual rationale mind.

You slammed the school doors behind you, walking around the steps up that you’d just descended down and fell against the school wall. You stood there for a moment, huffing in anger as you leaned your head against the brick wall behind you. What a dick…

Sighing, you reached into your bag, searching through until your hands fell on the intended object. Pulling out the box, you flipped the lip open, taking out the lighter and one cigarette stick. You stared at the cancer stick for a moment, you hadn’t smoked in a while, mainly because your mind had been on so many other things. It’d been Henry who’d gotten you into the habit but in a sick sort of way, you only did it because you distinctly remember Beverly had.

In it’s own twisted way, it felt like you were keeping a part of her to yourself. Even if it was a decease stick.

You don’t know how long you stood there, leaning against the wall and pumping your lungs with toxicity. It felt like a good while, just you and your thoughts. But the moment was ruined when you heard yelling and a bunch of words being mumbled and stumbled over together. You furrowed your brows, sighing as the peace and quiet was ripped from your ears before dropping the cigarette stick and squishing it with your shoe.

When you walked around the ledge of the staircase, which you’d been hiding behind, you found the one and only Henry Bowers. Of course Victor and Belch were with him, along with two other people you didn’t bother to remember. You’d been wondering where your boyfriend was, seeing as he liked to skip you’d thought you’d see him walk by.

But it seemed he’d had his hands busy if the struggling boy in the middle was anything to go by.

You would’ve walked off, like usual until you realized who they held in their arms. It seemed Eddie Kaspbrak was still a popular target for your boyfriend… You wondered why you’d never noticed that.

Nonetheless, you continued walking, making your way over to the five boys. “Hey, Henry.” You smiled lightly, bringing his attention on you. Whatever he’d been whisper to Eddie immediately feel silent on his lips as he found you. “Y/N, just who i’ve been looking for.” He grinned, and you refused the urge to cringe. “Come, it’s time to play.”

His words made you freeze, forgetting everything you’d been about to do as you stayed still. Henry noticed your sudden change in attitude and raised an eyebrow your way.

“What did you say?” You asked, fear etching your voice.

“What?” Henry asked, not amused. Blinking, you shook your head. You were overthinking it; “n-nothing.”

You did your best not to make eye contact with Eddie, who’d quieted his sobs but you could still hear him breath heavily in fear. You only hoped this worked…

Leaning up against Henry’s side, you peered up at him, smiling lustfully. You went up onto your tip-toes, breathing into his neck while you whispered; “why don’t we go somewhere?” When you leaned back, you watched his eyes widen and a disgusting smile fall on his lips.

A hand wound around your waist, and you felt yourself press against Henry. You looked over at Eddie who was still being held in Victor’s and Belch’s hands. Henry nodded and the two of them let Eddie go, but not without kicking him to the ground. You refused to flinch as you heard the thud and Eddie’s moan of pain, instead deciding to smile over at Henry who’d let go of you.

He walked over to Victor and Belch, whispering so you couldn’t hear but you could imagine what they were saying. And it made you disgusted.

Taking his distraction as a chance, you leaned down, grabbing Eddie who flinched from your grasp. He looked up in fear only to find you and nodding at him, you leaned down to grab him, helping him up. Eddie stumbled but nonetheless found his feet again and went to say something to you, but your mind was on something else.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Henry turn towards you, so you shoved Eddie away. He nearly tripped over his own two feet, but caught himself and peered back at you. Henry stepped up to you and you saw his face falter, for even just a second, he’d saw…

“I heard you told a teacher to fuck off today, Y/N.” Henry grounded out; “that’s my girl.” You closed your eyes at his words, hating when he objectified you like that. You hated it even more know that Eddie was there to witness it. Reaching a hand out, Henry grabbed ahold of your wrist much like yesterday, but this time his grip was much more hard. Almost bruising.

You winced, but didn’t fight as he started walking off.

Eddie stayed behind, watching the encounter before him in shock before he felt two shadows fall over him. “Enjoying the show, freak?” Victor sneered and Eddie took a step back in habit.

“Run off, Eds.”


The next day went much like you expected, you got detention. Of course you didn’t much care, it gave you an excuse not to have to see Henry after school. 

Though first half of the day was hell, boring. Not to mention having to explain the bruise on your wrist to your mother when you’d gotten home that night. She didn’t much care for you as long as you looked pretty. A bruise on an underage kid could be un-beneficial for her, so it was important you looked untouched.

Slamming your locker door shut, you pounced your knee, wanting to get outside as quick as you could for lunch. You need a cigarette and bad, no matter how bad it was for you. But as you turned around, something made you freeze. 

IT. IT. It- It stood there, through the midst of a crowded hallway. IT. You felt your eyes go wide and your heart beat grow rapid as IT raise it’s hand and waved slowly at you, teasingly slow and a sickening smile grew on it’s lip. But- but how? How? You and the rest- you’d defeated him. At least for another twenty-seven years when you were long and gone.

It’d only been four.

And for the first time that number seemed small, when for you those four years had been agonizingly long.

“Wha- what?” You whispered out.

“I’m back!” Pennywise cheered, aloud but not one of the other kids noticed anything. How? “I’m back. I’m back! Back! Back, back, back, back.”

“Come back, Y/N!” Blinking, IT was gone. As if he’d vanished, and when you looked in the place he’d stood, nothing. Furrowing your brows, you stepped back only for your eyes to fall before you on another figure. “Eddie?!”

“I’ve been calling you for two whole minutes, Y/N.” Eddie frowned, “are you okay?” It felt odd for him to ask that question. To seem as if he cared.

“I-I-” You looked past Eddie’s head, IT wasn’t there. “I’m fine… Eddie, why are you here?”

“I wanted to thank you for yesterday…” Eddie mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck in shame. His words made you pause, and you to finally focus on him completely. 

“For what?”

Eddie seemed genuinely surprised you didn’t know what he was referring to; “for helping me with Henry and his friends…” You didn’t miss the way his eyes flew to your wrist where the purple and blue mark was growing darker. You grabbed it with your other hand, hiding it from view and cursing yourself for not wearing a longer sleeved sweater. “If you hadn’t come when you had… well, i’m not sure what would’ve happened.”

The experience of speaking to Eddie was so foreign to you, and you felt great discomfort grow within you. Now, you really needed a puff. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You rambled on, looking past him; “look, Eddie I need to go-”

“Eds!”


Part Three?

Please let me know what you thought!

#SherlockLives: The Resurrection

The day is April 23rd, 2017.  It’s an ordinary Sunday afternoon in London.

The crowd bustles, trains whirr, birds chirp.

Life in the city is business as usual.

Three teenage girls take photographs outside 187 North Gower Street, soaking in the ambiance of the Sherlock set.  They step into Speedy’s for a cup of coffee.

The women lament over the loss of their favorite show. On March 8th, the BBC announced Sherlock would not be returning for a fifth series, and cowriters Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss were quick to assure their fans that it was time to lay the beloved program to rest.

But what the women saw next changed their lives forever.

Keep reading

Breaking the Rules - part 4

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary:  Modern!AU You hate James Barnes with a burning passion and the feeling is entirely mutual. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you are tricked into attending his sister’s wedding as his girlfriend. Stuck with a bunch of strangers, you come up with a set of rules that are not going to last long.

Word Count:1,835

Warnings: the usual more or less

A/N: Fluff! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

Breaking the Rules - Masterpage

Originally posted by jaebummochi

You closed the bedroom door behind you, your eyes roaming the room for your bag. Once you saw it, you made a beeline for the small walk-in wardrobe near the window and squatted down. You fished down at the bottom of your bag and pulled out Bucky’s book. Skimming through the pages, you found the page where he mentioned Dot.

I met Dot in high school. We broke up six years ago.

“Okay, not helpful,” you mumbled to yourself.

Huffing out a frustrated breath, you put the book back in your bag when voices caught your attention. The window was slightly open and you could hear Bucky and Henry talking in the garden. When you heard your name, you tried to peek through the window.

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Hellborn - Chapter 1

Genre: Smut; Angst; Demon!AU, Dom!Jimin, Sex Slave!AU

Word count: 6282

“The things I’m going to do to you are going to be the opposite of sweet and gentle. I’ll hit, bite, slap and scratch. You’ll be begging me for mercy. Begging me to give you your sweet release. Begging me to stop…Begging me to let you go…” He smirked a devilish, evil smirk. “But I won’t. Because from now on, you are my property…” You saw him snap his fingers before everything turned black.

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You’re Perfect to Me

Jax Teller x Plus-size!Reader

Word Count: 1,096

Warnings: Croweaters being bitches, self-consciousness, body shame, self-loathing

Requested by @mamapeterson:  Hi babe! Could I possibly request a plus!size reader X Jax one shot. Reader is self conscious, but she usually puts on a good front. And then one day, she overhears a group of women talking about her. She’s upset, of course, but to Jax, she’s perfect. I LOVE YOU!

A/N: I did my best on this my love!! I hope you love it!!! Feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope the rest of you enjoy this as well! :D 

A/N#2: Also tagging my other Jax babes… @impalaimagining@thevioletthourr@abaddonwithyall, and @demondean-for-kingofhell

Originally posted by allieclareadams

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Hopping out of the cabbie you breathed in London’s air. It had been a while since you last visited the city; let alone Baker Street. Surely Ms. Hudson would be surprised that you decided to visit her or be upset that you don’t see her enough. Work had taken you all over the world, but most recently the States. It was fun in New York, but you missed that dear old woman whom you grew to know as your aunt. You pushed the buzzer and waited anxiously. The door opened revealing an overly ecstatic Ms. Hudson.

“Oh Y/N love, I can’t believe you’re here! Come in, come in! I’ll put the kettle on, make you a cuppa.” 

“Thank you Aunt Louise, I’ll take it as you’re happy to see me?” You asked her laughing.

“Oh my dear love, always! I hadn’t got groceries yet. You know, I’ll do that now. Make you a nice breakfast. Up the stairs and to the left, you can see if there are any biscuits. Probably not, but worth a try.”

“No it is fine, don’t put yourself through the trouble. I had something to eat on the plane.” 

“Ohh I bet it was no good. I’ll be right back love.” Before you could intervene again, Ms. Hudson was out the door.  She was right, airplane food was never good. You thought biscuits would be great with tea, so you made your way up the stairs and into the dusty kitchen. “Never heard of a dusting rag I suppose.” You thought to yourself. You rummaged through the cabinets until you found what you were seeking.

“Here we go.” You pulled them out of the drawer and before you could place them down you heard someone walk in. “Well that was quick, I found the bis-.“ You stopped talking when you turned around. Two men were standing there stunned.

“Who exactly are you?” The smaller man asked.

“A guest visiting family. My Aunt Louise, I’m sure you know her as Ms. Hudson.”

“Ms. Hudson? She has family?” The man asked his friend who was staring intensively at you.

“Well yes.” You cut in. “She and my grandmother are friends. I grew up with Ms. Hudson as my Aunt.“ You answered looking at the two.

“How was the flight?” The taller man asked finally releasing his intense stare at you.

“It was fine, thanks for asking.” You replied proceeding to get a biscuit.

“New York was it? 6:30 flight non-stop?”

“Yup, that is right.”

“And your dog, I’m assuming you put him in a kennel while you’re away?”

She’s with some friends.” You said correcting him.

“Oh well common mistake.” He replied rolling his eyes.

“It would appear so.”

“Aren’t you at all surprised that he can do this?”

“Oh please John, no need.”

“No really Sherlock.”

“Do you guys always do this?” You asked laughing.

“Do what?” Sherlock cut in.

“Talk to each other like no one is listening?”

They both looked at one another for a second before back at you.

“To answer your question John; no I’m not. Anyone is readable if you pay attention.” You replied before grabbing your things and heading for the door.

“Then read me.” Sherlock answered. You took in a breath and turned around.

“Serious?” Instead of speaking he just raised an eyebrow. “Ok then.” You put your things down and got a quick all over glance at him.

“I see a man who is estranged from his family; someone who prefers be alone. You do visit them on holidays, like it or not. You have an older brother whom you like to compete with. You claim to not have friends, although many people consider you theirs. You may have been in love once, but it didn’t work out. Let’s not get too much into that seeing that you don’t care for it. You’re a detective, very good one at that. This could be the reason why you get on people’s nerves. Some might even say you’re a psychopath – no a high-functioning sociopath. I mean the way you guys were bickering downstairs before you came up here says so. That not cheating by the way, that’s listening. You also smoke cigarettes, which is a nasty habit might I add. Even though you don’t do it every day, it’s still bad for you… You see anyone is readable Sherlock. As long as you pay close attention, you could tell a lot about a person.” Both of the men stood there shocked with their mouths slightly open.

“I’m going to say that I was pretty accurate, yeah?” You said nodding your head.

“Y-you got that from John’s blogs didn’t you?”

“Ahhh, there it is!” You said throwing your head back.

“What?” Sherlock asked furrowing his eyebrows.

“There’s a blog; confirmation of yours and John’s relationship.”

“We’re not gay!” John said throwing his hands in the air.

“I didn’t say that. Just that there is a very strong relationship between the two of you; virtually indestructible. You guys are each other’s’ best friend, am I right?”

“You got that from me mentioning a blog? Sherlock look at you weird.

“Well you didn’t need to say that the blog was about the two of you for me to guess that. You kind of said it yourself.” You replied smiling. They were both standing there speechless when you grabbed your things once more. “It was nice meeting the two of you, really it was. Maybe we can go out for dinner, the five of us.”

“Five?…” John asked confused.

“Well you’re married and expecting aren’t you John?!” You yelled going down the stairs. When John turned to look at Sherlock, he saw him smiling.

“I like her; she actually makes very good use of her head.” Sherlock said keeping his eyes forward.

“Remember my middle name is Hamish.” John laughed quietly heading for his chair.