the way he says shit

Got a decent snapshot of this memelord.


01/14/15 || source

Writing is Hard, Part 3: Phone Sex

Summary: You and Dean try something in order to write about it.

Read Part 1 Part 2

Warning: Smut, dirty talk

Word Count: 3000ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. Hope you enjoy! XOXO

“How many are we up to now?”

The phone rests warm between your ear and shoulder as you glance down at the screen. “Almost four hundred followers,” you tell him. “Not exactly famous yet.”

Dean pauses, and you picture him sprawled out on a motel bed very much like yours, just two states over, glass in hand and flannel shirt crumpled at the foot of the bed, undershirt clinging tight to his chest.

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anonymous asked:

Ever since New York and I can't stop thinking about Liza and Harry ❤️❤️❤️💔Can you write a little something for Liza and Harry ?

Eliza Sutherland can’t believe she’s in New York. She had no plans to leave her flat this weekend, let alone make the trek through Heathrow to the States. But here she is—out of breath and thirty minutes late—running across the street to Studio 8H. She’s practically arguing her way in when Jeff finally shows up and insists she’s the list. She’s annoyed for all of five seconds. She hears his voice float through the halls with grit and grace and her heart stops in a way she wishes it wouldn’t.

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Day 3: Charm / Song-inspired (using both! here’s the song)

IwaOi Week one two three four 5 6 7

[This got longer than anticipated so it’s going under the cut, but HERE IT IS - HP AU!! *yelling*]


Oikawa’s nose scrunches up, but he doesn’t care enough to try and neutralize his expression - besides, there’s no one here watching right now except Hanamaki and Matsukawa, and they’re going to give him shit either way.

“There’s no way that works,” he says, oozing contempt.

“You won’t know if you don’t try it out,” Hanamaki says, shrugging as if the matter meant no more to him than the headline of the Daily Prophet . (His mom sends them, in an attempt to educate my foolish son , but Makki mostly throws them out without sparing them a second glance - no matter how reproachful the family owl looks when he does so. Being the son of the editor in chief means absolutely nothing to him.)

“I mean, you don’t really have anything to lose, do you?” Matsukawa tacks on, holding out the folded piece of paper for Oikawa to take.

Oikawa’s frown deepens.

“I don’t like this. At all. He’s gonna see right through it.” He even goes so far as to take a step back. “Besides - I know you guys have heard of amortentia. Do you know how long that takes to brew? There’s no way some simple charm -”

“It’s not gonna make him fall in love with you,” Hanamaki interrupts. “Obviously. But that’s not what you want, anyway. You just want to… make him admit his feelings. Right?”

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  • me: I love Monsta X's I'll be there
  • me, internally: Shin Hoseok aka Wonho produced and wrote I'll be there just for us Monbebes. It's his first song to be released and he is so grateful for us to be able to do what he wanted. With this song he wanted to give us a message, he wanted us to feel special becuase we are special. Wonho is perfect. He treats us all so good and i love him dearly. I want him to know that and if I would have the privilege i would tell him everyday how perfect he is and how much we all love him. He is so precious, what did we do to deserve a guy like Wonho honestly give me answers fam because i can't comprehend this.

Chloe  ‘Easily Offended’  Tousignant

“ That bear has some kind of super thick skin. It took three tranquilizer darts to bring it down. 

i’m rereading philosopher’s stone and chamber of secrets and i’m more and more convinced that lupin was, if not the first character jo came up with (i’m pretty sure she came up with harry first), definitely an integral part of the narrative from the beginning. maybe remus as a character was an idea she had floating around even before she came up with harry, which she then decided to stick in harry’s universe because she was so fond of him. i know i’ve mentioned the wonderful irony of a dark creature teaching defense against the dark arts before, and jo said she wrote prisoner of azkaban in a huge rush, she just went tearing through it and it was fantastically easy to write because all the plot elements were there and it was just a matter of piecing it together.

but yeah, i think that lupin was one of the earliest characters jo made up. just look at the way she’s built up the concept of werewolves in the potter universe (and even the idea of interchangeable DADA professors) before lupin’s official introduction:

philosopher’s stone:

  • at one point, harry and ron look up ways of treating werewolf bites in quirrel’s defense class. this is just a passing mention, no details in the text itself, though they must have learned how painful the bites are, how hard they are to cure, how you have to apply silver and dittany to the wound and how most bitten wizards literally beg for death. (also, slightly related: harry is writing down the definition for dittany a few chapters later, while studying for his exams.)
  • malfoy straight up refuses to go into the forbidden forest during detention for fear of werewolves. harry hangs onto draco’s words (but doesn’t he always??), and once they find the dead unicorn, his mind jumps to a potential werewolf attack. THEN, when they first hear quirrel skulking around, harry asks hagrid if this new, unknown thing is a werewolf. the boy is plainly petrified.
  • another tiny mention: hermione mentions the werewolf code of conduct not coming up on their exams, which means that they definitely learned about the whole issue of werewolves not wanting to be documented for fear of admitting their lycanthropy on record. i’m sad.

chamber of secrets:

  • gilderoy lockhart’s wandering with werewolves continually comes up, from justin finch-fletchley recounting how lockhart supposedly survived getting trapped in a telephone booth with a werewolf (?) to lockhart actually making harry act out the part of the werewolf in front of the whole class, which is interesting because
  • lockhart obviously wants to play himself and so the part of the werewolf goes to harry, but it’s notable that of all the reenactments lockhart had harry do, the one that gets its own scene with dialogue and all (lockhart making harry howl, oh man) is the werewolf one.
  • “Nice loud howl, Harry—exactly—and then, if you’ll believe it, I pounced—like this—slammed him to the floor—thus—with one hand, I managed to hold him down—with my other, I put my wand to his throat—I then screwed up my remaining strength and performed the immensely complex Homorphus Charm—he let out a piteous moan—go on, Harry—higher than that—good—the fur vanished—the fangs shrank—and he turned back into a man. Simple, yet effective—and another village will remember me forever as the hero who delivered them from the monthly terror of werewolf attacks.” 
  • i mean, just look at lockhart’s dialogue here. he makes harry howl (which is, admittedly, hilarious), then has him make this inhuman, wailing moan while he’s got his wand to harry’s throat. lockhart’s body language, his words, his obvious display of power all indicate his, and all of wizarding society’s, prejudice against werewolves. he sees them as creatures to be overpowered and subdued, even though they are in effect humans 97% of the time. lockhart has a whole book on this, and he’s so popular and influential at this point that anybody who’s anybody is adopting his viewpoints.
  • (please imagine remus lupin standing in flourish and blotts, reading wandering with werewolves with mingled curiosity and disgust.)
  • another aside: “No one wants to read about some ugly old Armenian warlock, even if he did save a village from werewolves. He’d look dreadful on the front cover. No dress sense at all.” how the fuck did the original guy do it??? is the homorphus charm actually real????!!! i doubt it, i bet this guy actually straight up killed a werewolf, saved the village, and then gilderoy adapted his story to make it a little more reader-friendly. there’s no way that charm exists, full stop.

and then, finally, in prisoner of azkaban, we meet a real werewolf, but we don’t know this (or at least, we’re not supposed to know) until the climax. remus is level-headed, articulate, dependable, funny, and a bit mischievous–I think about dumbledore’s comment at the end of CoS, “And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too…we’ll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don’t we?” imagine harry and co.’s sense of immense relief when they finally, finally get a decent DADA professor. i mean, they had a stuttering wreck who turned out to have voldemort growing out of his skull, and then a self-absorbed fraud who tried to memory-wipe two of his students and then abandon another student to a literal basilisk. remus not only knows his shit but he’s so decent, so endearing. and he’s a werewolf. 

i really love how jo built it up, and then people’s subsequent reactions. hermione jumping to conclusions about remus and sirius working together, and immediately going, “it’s because he’s a werewolf; he can’t be trusted,” and then immediately outing him; ron’s “get away from me, werewolf!” comment; snape’s extremely prejudiced jabs at remus when he shows up– “don’t ask me to fathom the way a werewolf’s mind works,” “i’ll drag the werewolf”…while, throughout poa, we are shown that remus is everything but the savage, inhuman, animalistic image of the werewolf which jo subtly introduces throughout the early books. 

jace/simon + the accidental first date (2.7k)

simon is contemplating the merits of daydrinking.

he’s standing with jace, a block down from the restaurant where they’re supposed to be meeting clary, wondering if his silent pleas for her to hurry are actually working, and wholeheartedly wishing he was drunk right now.

it had been clary’s idea for the three of them to grab lunch in the first place. she picked the restaurant where she and simon had gone to celebrate when simon realized he could eat human food again (as opposed to humans as food, which simon does not miss at all).

simon had agreed because clary asked, and he imagines that jace agreed for similar reasons. and now they’re both standing here, sans clary, basically suffering. simon gave up long ago on ever trying to speak to jace without a guardian present; it’s too difficult and probably also extremely dangerous. this concept, of course, was not at all inspired by his massive, embarrasing crush on jace.

simon is at a loss. this is nothing like when he had unrequited feelings for clary. at least with her he knew how to hold a conversation. maybe it wasn’t always what he wanted to say, but he could string together sentences full of actual words, which is a feat that seems almost impossible right about now, with jace three feet in front of him, looking some ethereal combination of bored and stupidly hot.

and that’s it. simon can’t take the silence anymore. he’s gotta say something.

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anonymous asked:

Teacher!au + Seokmin seventeen

  • Lee Seokmin; the teacher every student and teacher loves
  • he teaches history and math, and even though most students find these subjects boring, they literally never sleep in Mr Lee’s classes
  • it’s because they would feel bad for sleeping in his class; they don’t want to hurt his feelings
  • also because he’s just so interesting and he teaches in ways that the principal disapproves of
  • the principal can’t say shit because Seokmin’s students are all top ranking
  • how does he teach history?
  • cosplay and re-enactments, plus tonnes of movies
  • how does he teach math?
  • he buys 38 watermelons to prove a point
  • afterwards the class just has a watermelon party to celebrate finishing a chapter
  • his students usually get their perfectly written and typed assignments back within a day
  • but there are 17000 doodles and words of encouragement on them
  • “okay this is wrong, but you tried, a for effort :)”
  • “you remember the watermelon formula? use that here!! :)))”
  • “first off, good job on the re-enactment! secondly, yes Hamilton the musical is great but please don’t write a rap”
  • you’ve been friends with Seokmin for a while and it’s a strange relationship the 2 of you have
  • you’re both highly competitive so during sports day, your students and his students are always fighting against one another
  • and Seokmin’s on the side with his co-leader, Drama teacher Seungkwan, cheering his kids on with pom poms
  • but he glares at you if your kids get a point
  • you, of course, do the same
  • however, once the game’s over, you 2 are no longer competitive
  • Seokmin spends breaks marking his kids’ works while eating cup noodles
  • Biology teacher and cubicle neighbour Soonyoung always tells him to eat something healthier before his body deteriorates but he never really listens
  • unless you buy him something like actual rice and vegetables
  • only then he thanks you and eats the food you bought him
  • some days you would drag him out to eat with the rest of the guys
  • but apparently he would go out only if you asked
  • when you’re staying back to mark worksheets, Seokmin would stop by with coffee before returning to his cubicle
  • there was this one time you, Seokmin and a few other teachers were staying overnight in the school because of a camp
  • you had fallen asleep with your head on your desk
  • Seokmin just finished showering so as he made his way back to his cubicle, he realized you were just sleeping there, looking really uncomfortable
  • he decides to lend you his sleeping bag, pillow and blanket and sets it up in your cubicle
  • he tries not to wake you up as he carries you bridal style to put you on the floor
  • music teacher Jihoon who’s drying his hair as he walks past pauses to look at the scene
  • “look at those love birds” he mutters before walking away
  • once you were settled down, Seokmin made sure you were covered by the blanket before leaving for his cubicle
  • he slept in his chair that night
  • when you woke up you were confused because how the hell did you get on the floor
  • and where the hell did this come from
  • you noticed a name written on the sleeping bag and saw that it was Seokmin’s
  • your heart couldn’t help but flutter
  • after packing up the things, you carried it over to his cubicle
  • only to see him sitting on his chair with his legs elevated on his desk
  • you left his things there and wrote him a thank you note
  • it was just how the 2 of you took care of each other
  • unbeknownst to the 2 of you, all your students hardcore ship you two
  • of course Chan, the youngest ‘hip’ teacher in school who teaches physical education with Seungcheol, knows all about this and he tells his colleagues
  • “did you know the kids are shipping Seokmin and Y/N?”
  • everyone stares at Chan like ‘no shit sherlock’
  • “yeah, we do. it’s pretty obvious”
  • anyways, the guys tell Seokmin about it and he laughs about it
  • “what do you mean, we’re just really good friends”
  • “uh… you guys always eat lunch together, alone, at a different table from us”
  • “you guys could have just sat with us!”
  • “true, but, we felt like we would be interrupting something”
  • Seokmin still can’t believe it, but he didn’t really try to dispel the rumours or the shipping because
  • maybe
  • secretly
  • they were true
  • Valentine’s Day rolls around and the school is going crazy
  • this year, Art teacher Jeonghan and Home economics teacher Mingyu have teamed up to carry out a special event for the school
  • (they really just wanted to do something to get Seokmin and you together)
  • Jeonghan had prepared tons of cards and roses while Mingyu baked a ton of heart shaped cookies (with the help of literature teacher Wonwoo)
  • students and teachers could order and get the gifts delivered to anyone they wanted
  • of course, the students were all super hyped about this because, you know, teenagers
  • but the teachers were all doing it as a joke
  • ‘if you were a booger, I’d pick you first - jun…’ “JUNHUI GET OVER HERE”
  • you weren’t gonna do anything, but everyone was doing it as a joke so you decided to send one to Seokmin
  • (as, not really, a joke)
  • Jeonghan, Mingyu, and everyone else just watched as you scribbled down your note and passed it to Jeonghan to make an order.
  • Seokmin on the other hand, already sent gifts to all the guys, so he thought of sending you one too
  • (for real, to confess)
  • Jeonghan and Mingyu laughed evilly as they read the messages the 2 of you wrote to one another
  • you wondered when Seokmin would receive his gift, and Seokmin wondered the same thing
  • the delivery happened right smack in the middle of your class
  • Mingyu walked in with a bouquet of roses and a pack of cookies, smirking
  • “Ming- Mr Kim what?”
  • Mingyu clears his throat and literally announces to the whole class
  • “Oh, it’s from Mr Lee. The history and math teacher, not the physical ed one.”
  • you start blushing because what the hell is this
  • your students are all going “oooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
  • and you hear someone shout “Get some”
  • you leave the bouquet and cookies on the table and resume lessons
  • although you’re pretty damn distracted
  • Seokmin also receives his in the middle of his math class
  • and his students reacted the same way
  • Seokmin blushed too
  • Jeonghan left that classroom feeling accomplished
  • once lessons ended, you took a look at the note he wrote you
  • “I’m sorry I wasn’t part of your history, can I make it up by being in your future?”
  • you can’t help but laugh at how cheesy his pickup line is
  • but then you realize yours is no better
  • “are you a 45 degree angle? because you’re acute-y”
  • Seokmin literally smiles the largest smile he can muster as he walks back to the staff room
  • he sits at his cubicle and stares at note while munching on the cookies
  • once you get back, he stands up and goes over to you
  • “so did my pick up line work?”
  • you laugh and tell him yes
  • “wanna go for lunch?”
  • you agree and get up, saying that you would get the boys
  • but Seokmin stops you
  • “I was thinking just the 2 of us?”
  • you could hear cheering from all around you
  • the boys ruined the moment
  • but it was still cute

(this was so cute i gave myself feels)

finally putting together a masterpost of my newest fics :) so here’s part 1

this sounds like our story (tony/rhodey, marriage fic, fluff)

“We should get married.” Tony murmurs one night, lying next to Rhodey in the dim light.

standing right here (and my heart is beating) (t’challa/steve, pets, smut, fluff)

Fuck, if he could he’d keep T'Challa right here, bare and happily bruised under Steve’s hands and lips, kissed breathless and needy for Steve forever.

Or, where T'Challa adopts animals and Steve falls in love.

small doses (t’challa/thor, rimming, smut, top thor)

“You taste,” Thor starts, moving up T’Challa’s body as he presses a wet, dirty little kiss to the human’s lips, “Magnificent.”

(it’s warmer where you are) (sam/bucky, bucky barnes recovering, sam wilson feels, anxiety, ptsd)

“I think that’s the most you’ve said since I walked into my kitchen to you standing in the corner.” Sam muses, throwing away an eggshell, “In the dark, no less.” he adds, eyes narrowing before he mumbles, “With your dramatic ass…”

”Steve should be with you.” Bucky tells him.

Or, while Steve is off dealing with Ultron, Bucky has tasked himself with bonding and protecting one Samuel Thomas Wilson.

turn your pitch down low (t’challa/steve/bucky, love, alpha/omega dynamics, dom/sub undertones, smut, fluff)

“Anyway, we wanna court you.” Bucky grins. Steve throws his hands up.

“Buck. There was a way I was going to say that–”

“He doesn’t need anyone sugar-coating shit for him Stevie.” Bucky shrugs, “He knows what we mean.”

Or, where Steve and Bucky are a mated pair who fall in love with T'Challa.
…This’ll get complicated.

low tide (finn/poe, ptsd, finn working through trauma, fluff, love)

Being a solo entity is still something Finn is getting used to.

Every now and again he snaps back into himself in the mess hall of the resistance base he and Poe have settled on and half expects to be surrounded by stormtroopers. Shining white gear and blasters attached to their hips.

Or, where Finn tries (and struggles) to adjust, remembers bits of his childhood under the First Order, and represses trauma while Poe and Rey are the co-creators of the ‘Finn Must Be Loved and Protected’ fanclub.

sugar (finn/poe, bottom finn, smut)

“I got you.” Poe groans, fucking into him again, heart pounding as Finn arches his back so fucking beautifully, just like that, in that way that shows off the plump, thick roundness of his ass and presses him flush against Poe, who’s cock is fully sheathed in him.

compass (points you home) (t’challa/bucky, kidfic, ptsd, past domestic abuse, wip)

But then the man gives him a warm smile and Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

“I am T'Challa. I can’t thank you enough for finding her and bringing her back to me.”

Bucky flushes, “It’s no problem, really. She’s a great kid.”

In which Bucky is a veteran and former prisoner of war who has just returned home, and T'Challa is a stressed single parent running from his past.

lovebitten (to hell and back) (t’challa/nat/steve/bucky/thor, gangbang, bottom t’challa, smut)

Steve slips back into that heat, his cock wrapped in tight, wet warmth as he leans over and presses his lips to T’Challa’s softly, freeing his lip and tasting him. He can feel Natasha’s come where it rests between T’Challa’s thighs from her first round with him, when she pulled out and came all over that pretty skin of his.

He’s streaked with come, currently. That’s mostly Thor and Natasha’s thing, marking T’Challa like that.

Bucky and Steve? They bite. Leave teeth marks on the King’s collarbones, hips and shoulders.

T’Challa loves it all.

And they all love him.

Or, That T'Challa Gangbang Fic That No One Wanted But I Wrote Anyway

skip frames (sam/steve/bucky, deaged fic, baby!sam, fluff)

Bucky won’t let go of Sam.

Sam wiggles in Bucky’s arms, grinning with that adorable gap-tooth smile that makes Steve melt, giggling in Bucky’s hold.

Granted, Steve understands Bucky’s hesitance to let Sam go, seeing as he’s– well…three years old currently, thanks to some magic going wonky when they all arrived back on earth from Asgard an hour ago. It apparently should wear off very soon, but until then Bucky seems adamant about keeping baby Sam wrapped up in his arms, safe as Bucky gives everyone who gets near the child warning glares.

you brought the fire (to a world so cold) (t’challa/thor, love, romance, marriage fic, wip)

It’s when Thor ends up kissing T'Challa’s hand and leading him into a little pocket of space where the universe meets the moon that T'Challa starts to think that maybe Thor is doing a bit more than being nice.

highwaytothelamezonezone  asked:

as a true crime fan, what's so special about dahmer? he wasn't charming (partially thanks to his raging alcoholism), and he wasn't exactly clever when evading the police. fucker put dead bodies out with the trash, and was stopped by police with a corpse in his trunk at 3am-- he just got lucky. like, if they were a horrible enough person, anybody could do what he did. i love murders and disappearances but don't get why he's such a big honking deal to y'all.

hello! ok so the people here def have different opinions on what is so special to them about jeff’s case. (feel free to add on to this list guys!)

some people do find him charming. i mean–he kinda is in his own way. like when he says shit like this:  

Originally posted by jeffrey-is-a-babe

sure he was no bundy when it came to natural charm. he was waaaay too awkward and cringy but hey, that kinda adds to his unusual charm. 

as far as evading the police went, sure it didnt help that the Milwaukee police were homophobic, racist, xenophobic, sexist, and just downright stupid, but jeff was able to charm his way out of capture MULTIPLE TIMES. the first when he was pulled over w/ steven hicks body in the trunk (you gotta have some cool to not to totally freak the fuck out in that moment), when homicide detectives knocked on his door after a neighbor of his was murdered, and when Konerak Sinthasomphone escaped from his apt. He was able to convince police to give the boy back to him. I do agree that he was E X T R E M E L Y lucky. but his psychopathic charm def helped. 

some people also find him to be very attractive. I mean he aint ugly here at all: 

some people are genuinely interested in the psychology of his case. (I fall into this category). One of the things that intrigues me, is how could he have become the killer we know so well now? His childhood seemed to be almost excruciatingly normal at the surface. But dig a little deeper, and you start to find the little clues that could have been unwittingly creating a monster. Here’s a great post by @irishcreamandhalcion about Jeff’s mom Joyce. (x)  I personally believe that by looking at Joyce’s life, you can really start to understand why Jeff became the way he was. He could be the poster child for abnormal psychology. thats def one of the reasons I’m mad that he was murdered, we could’ve learned so much from him. it’s such a waste. 

plus his story is so compelling, heart-wrenching, complex, and amazing. it hasn’t gotten old for me yet. but everyone has the cases they love over others.