the way he goes right for it

4

Getting ready for our birthday visit with Ms. 6. We were told not to bring a lot of gifts as they want the focus to be on the relationships we build with Ms. 6, not the material gifts we can provide her. I wholeheartedly agree as this was the same advice I gave to the last adoptive family which they disagreed with.

I think DS is probably too sick to make the trip so most likely I’ll stay back with him and Baby while the rest of the crew travels. It’s tough as DH and I have only been away from each other for one business trip he had the first year we were married, and when we traded off spending nights at the hospital every time E was in-patient. It’s just the way it has to be right now though so we’ll see how it goes.
The Tiniest Joestar

Special Shout out to @tallkin for being a literal godsend and staying up until actually 3am to edit this for me omg ily friend you’re too good to me
Summary; Speedwagon goes to the maternity ward to meet the newest edition to the Joestar family. basically just tooth-rotting fluff. 

Word count; 2700

AO3 Link; http://archiveofourown.org/works/11275995

Keep reading

connormurphweed  asked:

what's michaels reaction the first time jeremy had to go back out to fight some bad guy after jeremy officially tells him? like does he wanna tag along or does he understand to stay out of the way??

Well after Michael lets Jeremy know that he knows, it incites a huge fight, and they don’t talk for a while after that. So Jeremy is just kind of doing his spider thing still but throwing more time into it. Running himself ragged. And Michael is watching this all happen from the sidelines, it’s a bit horrifying. 

But eventually they make up, and the first time Jeremy goes out following that, it’s probably a bit awkward between them, because it’s not like he wants Jeremy to stop, but he’s also extremely wary, and it’s different for Jeremy to have this concern for him so present right before he goes out and puts his life on the line.

However, I think Michael knows enough to stay out of the way most of the time. But he made Jeremy promise to call him if he ever needed anything, so Michael is Ready just in case.

Hey there! The play follows Elder Price on his two year mission in Uganda…though he wanted to be sent to Orlando. He’s a star missionary who expects everything to go right for him, but instead everything goes wrong (in the best way possible). The play is extremely clever, the music is incredible, and it has a lot of great messages!

As for what you should be prepared for: It has vulgar language and dark humor at times, but over all it is a very smartly composed comedy. The reasons I personally love it so much unfortunately spoil the ending, but if you’re interested in why I enjoy it, I’ll put that under the cut!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

for the prompt: 174 please?

“I don’t need a Prince Charming saving me”


After the performace at the hunter moon’s, Simon goes to the bar and orders a bloody mary before three vampires he’s never seen before sits at his right.
“So you’re the daylighter” the male one says and Simon looks at him confused.
“He’s cute” the girls sitted next to the boy is looking at him in a very uncomfortable way and Simon shudders.
“How did it happen?” the male one asks and tips his back. Simon is nervous and puts the bloody mary on the counter.
“I-i’m not sure” Simon says, touching nervously his thighs.
“Why don’t you c-” but the girl is stopped from a voice he knows too well.
“Why don’t you leave him alone?” Raphael stands next to Simon with his arms crossed and the vampires glare at Simon before leaving. Simon looks at Raphael and “I don’t need a prince charming saving me”
“No, obviously, you were doing an amazing job on your own. And i’m more like prince erick, thank you” Raphael winks.
“Oh so i’m what? The little mermaid?”
“Nah, you don’t have ginger hair” Raphael says and he’s about to leave when he turns around and adds “and, you’re cuter.”

2

This is my dog Ritchie. Left on his way to the hospital and right in the hospital. He’s drugged up. Brought.him a shirt with our scents on it. And one of his toys. He’s not in pain right now because of the drugs. I’m praying to God that he is able to eat and drink on his own when they take him off the drugs and that the pain goes away. My heart is broken.

  • What he says: Your Tumblr experience isn't going to be made of people that 100% think the same way and sometimes you just gotta be able to breathe the same air as people who don't have the same opinions on you.
  • What he means: Not everyone's going to have your same ships, or ideas about what makes YOI great, or share your concerns about Casca as compared to Guts. This post does not actually mean that you might, shock of shocks, encounter a moderate or conservative opinion on Tumblr.Hell about LGBT+, race, sex, gender, feminism, slang, or other popular topics online. Everybody knows that everyone on Tumblr thinks the "right" way about things, so if you see someone who doesn't think the "right" way about things, continue with the two options Tumblr typically goes with: 1), demonizing them for being a racist sexist homophobic piece of shit or 2), patronizingly explain to all of your friends who ARE demonizing them that this poor soul is just uneducated and needs to be patiently taught the truth, when odds are the person you're talking about has built their opinion around just as much life experience as you have and believe it or not, came to a different conclusion about the issue. People are, wait for it, individual.

anonymous asked:

I know requests are closed but I had an idea. Just finished reading your void smut and just died. It was so good. I was hoping you could write a void stiles smut where the pack always tells her to be careful about void stiles but she is secretly turned on by him. And one day he fucks her and they become an evil couple that goes against the pack but stiles can't believe it because he's in love with her but she doesn't care. And they end up killing the pack and there's lots of hot evil smut

I would, but I have way too many requests right now. Plus, this sounds super similar to my best girl Steff’s mini-series called Kurai Koibito so check that out bc you’ll love it. @dumbass-stilinski

Whoo boy do I love Voltron fics, but as I’m writing my own, I keep encountering this enigma that are these healing pods. And the more I think about it, the scarier they are. I mean, think about it. These are kids in space. But they can’t be kids anymore, they have to protect the universe, and with that comes a degree of physical harm.

I mean, that in itself is pretty traumatic right there. Teenagers fighting a war will have incredible psychological impact. But then you throw the healing pods into the mix, and the story begins morphing into horror rather than science fiction.

On the surface, it seems fine. The healing pods are a blessing. Nobody dies or will have lasting permanent damage if they get in there soon enough. But think about the impact that this has on their young developing brains. A paladin gets his insides ripped open. Pop ‘em in the pod. And then they may have to face the monster that did that to them, because it’s their job. They don’t have time to recover.

You fell and broke your arm? Go to the pod. Good as new! Keep training. Shot while trying to protect innocent bystanders? That’s just your job. Get in the pod. do it again. 

I mean, this is going to have a lasting impact on how they view pain and injuries. Does it matter if you get hurt if you can just spend some time in the healing pods, and you’ll be good as new? If you never have to take into account your own injuries, then they start to feel insignificant.

The thing about this is, sometimes, getting hurt gives you time to rest. Think about it, these kids are fighting a war. And Shiro probably has a very double-edged relationship with the healing pods, because they weren’t an option for him when he was starving and bleeding and tortured. And they can’t undo old trauma.

Essentially the healing pods mean a state of hyper-mania. There’s never time to rest, to heal. You never get a few days to recover. You’re either fighting for your life or unconscious and healing and when you wake up, you have to do it all over again.

And then they’d start to lose a normal perception of pain tolerance. Like, with just one machine, your pain goes away. There’s no such thing as agony. Just a few uncomfortable moments before you are healed again. 

And there are two ways this works. Do the healing pods heal everything?  Can the paladins even get scars anymore? Are they just brought back to the state they were in before they got injured? That’s terrifying. Imagine Lance, looking at himself in a mirror. He’s been in space for almost two years, but the skin on his face and neck and chest, all smooth. Unmarred. He remembers nearly being disemboweled, but now he can’t remember if it was on the right or left side. He stares at his body, trying to imagine all the scars that should be there that aren’t and at this point he just can’t remember them all anymore.

And when the paladins finally, finally get to return home? Well, they look exactly the same as the day they left Earth. Lance’s younger siblings look older than him now. He hasn’t changed at all.

And all he can think is: is he even really human anymore?

But the alternative I think I prefer. The healing pods just accelerate the process, encourage the tissue to heal at an elevated pace. So they all have scars, too many scars. 

Hunk has to oil up his torso every night, because the scar tissue is getting too thick and it’s making it hard to move in some places. The tattoos he once imagined he’d get once he returned to earth are now just laughable dreams of his childhood. There’s no place to get them, no room to put them. His body is no longer a canvas, it’s a ripped sheet, held together after every tear by fraying thread. There’s no room for swirling images anymore. All that’s left are scars.

So many scars.

What are the lasting effects? Psychological trauma, for sure. But maybe physical, too. Stopping natural aging, or maybe nerve damage. After Keith got blown from the sky, his fingers constantly tingle, like his hand is perpetually asleep. Pidge can’t taste anything on the left side of her mouth. But it doesn’t matter, because there’s always another planet that needs saving, another injustice they need to fight. And if they get hurt, all they need is a quick tune-up before they’re back at it again.

Healing pods are scary.

my dudes

my buddies

my pals

Let’s be real for a second in terms of like where this show is headed with regards to my favorite character (surprise it’s Lance jk no one is surprised)

Recently this tweet happened:

And some people are taking this really well and other people… not so much. Which makes sense since all of us have been like #thirstin for something more for Lance and have been met with a lotta nothing, but I think this tweet is actually a good thing.

So in this recent interview with Kimberly, Josh, and Jeremy, Jeremy basically says what he’s been saying since day 1 that’s been echoed by a lot of the other cast members and crew.

Basically: Lance will step up to the plate and he’ll become more of a leader and take on more responsibility but at the end of the day…

Lance.

Is.

Lance.

And when people ask for more about Lance in terms of his character, you don’t really hear much beyond this, which is exTRemEly frustrating but just hear me out.

It might not be this deep but I think it’d be cool if there’s a reason for the Voltron team being so adamant in the fact that “Lance is Lance.” And he will always be no matter what. This can go one of two ways.

1. Lance is Lance because he will always only be comic relief. 6 seasons of comic relief. That’s him. He’s Lance. A flirt. Cocky. Goofy. Sure he might have some moments like we’ve seen in S1 and S2 but for the most part he’s there to be the team goofball to make everyone laugh (or groan with frustration and annoyance)

Which is shitty and terrible and I will be so angry if this is what goes down but for now let’s move onto the MUCH BETTER option 2.

2. Lance does become a leader (maybe a co-leader? Right hand man? stays the Blue Paladin and just kinda steps up more? whatever) but no matter how tough things get, no matter how worn down the team is, no matter how hopeless the situation seems, Lance can still be Lance. And I don’t just mean he’s able to crack a joke at a tense time to lighten the mood, though that also is a part of it. I mean that he is able to keep a level head and calmly think things through even in chaotic or near impossible situations

That he is always concerned about the well-being of other and is willing to lay down his life for his friends (AKA PEOPLE HE JUST MET)

That he’s also not afraid to call out these friends when he thinks they are making a mistake (there seems to be a running theme with this one…..)

That he’s also appreciative of his friends and pays attention to their needs/wants and their strengths

And that he will always go down swinging

But maybe most importantly, and this is what I hope the Voltron team is trying to get at, Lance will never lose his joy and excitement and happy go-lucky demeanor. This is what makes him the Blue Paladin (and also why I think he would make a great Black Paladin but anyways….). He’s the glue of the team and this means more than just being the comic relief and making ill-timed jokes.

I really love the Lance that is able to start a weird space spore fight or wants to knit sweaters for Arusians. I love the Lance that enjoys doing a crazy dance while explaining their extremely dangerous plan to defeat Zarkon. I love the Lance that has fun coming up with wild ideas about what else could be locked up in Beta Traz. It’s not that he’s not taking his job as a Paladin seriously but rather that he is trying to take this crazy situation in stride as much as possible. We know that he can be worried, insecure, and lonely, but this never stops him from being who he is. He stumbles, loses confidence, regains it, and stands back up again ready to start swinging at the next asshole who decides to come for him and his friends.

Lance is adaptable just like water. He might come in different forms (serious, competitive, caring, homesick, flirtatious, etc) but at the end of the day it’s all of it is a part of who he is. He might need to get better at figuring out the appropriate timing of being leader Lance or flirty Lance, but it’s not like he has to lose the more immature part of him to become a more well-developed character.

So when people say “Lance will always be Lance,” I’m actually pretty fucking thankful. I’ve read some Langst where Lance becomes more “Keith-like” to cope with his insecurities which……. I’m conflicted about. I don’t think he needs to go as far as NOT be him in order for the team to learn to appreciate him more. So I think this affirmation from the staff that Lance will always be himself no matter what makes me believe that he will be what keeps the team together through the difficult and tumultuous times to come. That even despite his clear self-doubt he will be able to put the team and others first and maintain his role as the glue. That he will still manage to grow and change as a Paladin AND maintain the things that make him Lance.

There will be growing pains, of course, (I’m guessing a lot to do with Keith) but just because he’s insecure doesn’t make him weak. Lance doesn’t have to become more serious or stoic in order to be taken more seriously or be more “mature.” Then he wouldn’t be the Lance we know and love. He can withstand the challenges to come and develop as a character without sacrificing these integral parts of himself. He is capable of SO MUCH and I can’t wait for him to unlock the potential that was always there within him and makes him who he is.

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!
2

NaLu Week Bonus Day 1: Video Games

In which Natsu gets way too into his online games against Gray. While he’s yelling at the TV and angry that Gray is beating him, Lucy is woken up from her sleep. So she takes it upon herself to ‘distract’ Natsu from his loss.

Anddd, you can decide where the rest goes;)

The next day:

Gray: What happened man? Didja give up ‘cause you were losing?

Natsu: Yeah right! I would have kicked your ass if Lucy hadn’t distracted me!

Gray: Distract you? How?

Natsu: Well, first she-

Lucy: *blushes intensely* NATSU! Don’t you dare!

Gray: *glances between the two* …gross.

Juvia: Juvia can distract Gray-Sama too if he’d like!<3

P.s., this prompt was originally going to be a scene from my fic, Down the Rabbit Hole, but it kind of took on a life of its own! Ah well, still fun :)

Bonus:

Keep reading

horoscope
  • <p> <b>aries:</b> I know this is a hard time for you, aries, but remember: 'tis better to have loved and lost. it’s really great, just the best.<p/><b>taurus:</b> step on a crack, break your mother’s back. pick up the phone, break your mother’s tailbone. take your coffee with creamer, break your mother’s femur. the wizard’s spell has gone terribly wrong, and you must not move at all until it is reversed.<p/><b>gemini:</b> you will meet a tall, handsome stranger. he will introduce himself, you will come to know him well, and he will know you well. he will grow older. his skin will sag and thin. he will no longer be handsome. he will no longer be a stranger. he will no longer be most of the things he once was. he will be a close friend, an old friend, one you’ve known for years, and with whom you are settling down into that final stretch of life. but he will always be tall. so tall. very, very tall.<p/><b>cancer:</b> I’m not saying this is bad news, but the stars just say “aaaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” I mean, maybe that’s a good sign, right? right? it’s a very inexact science.<p/><b>leo:</b> today is your lucky day! which is good news, because tonight is your unlucky night. but enjoy this lucky day until the sun goes down. until the very second the sun goes down. and then…and then…<p/><b>virgo:</b> you should check under your bed before you go to sleep. that way the thing hiding in your closet will think you haven’t realized where it is yet.<p/><b>libra:</b> all eyes are on you. gross! give them back!<p/><b>scorpio:</b> mars is intersecting with Mercury, which means your head is weirdly big for your body, and no one wants to tell you because they don’t want you to have the grace of self awareness. ugh! scorpios.<p/><b>sagittarius:</b> you worry too much about earthquakes and plane crashes. you’re going to die of heart disease or cancer, just like everybody else.<p/><b>capricorn:</b> stop throwing your money away on expensive cars and nice clothes. the owners of those cars and outfits do not appreciate the crumpled dollar bills you keep throwing on them! and anyway, if you want to throw something away, that’s what garbage cans are for.<p/><b>aquarius:</b> you’ve been so stressed lately. why not just sit outside tonight, relax, look up at the stars, and know basically nothing about the world you live in.<p/><b>pisces:</b> scorpions are not as dangerous as everyone thinks. try to concentrate on that. it’ll help you feel a little calmer tomorrow.<p/><b></b> (welcome to night vale ep75)<p/></p>

“Prom was invented just to make girls starve so they can fit in a dress and compete over a stupid title.”

“Uh –” Derek blinks, eyes his sister dubiously, “I’m not a girl?”

Cora huffs. “Whatever.”

In the kitchen Laura bursts out laughing. “Don’t worry.” She yells. “Cora is just jealous she will have to wait five years to go to her own prom.”

“I’m not going!” Cora yells back. “Prom is stupid, I don’t even know why you’re going,” she tells Derek, “it’s not like you know how to have fun.”

Derek raises an eyebrow while Laura just laughs harder. “Oh my god.” Their older sister says. “I stay away for six months and Cora turns into a sassy queen.” She walks into the living room, pretends to wipe at her eyes. “I’m so proud.”

“You two are ridiculous.” Derek says, turning around. “And I’m just going because Erica promised to pay me. With ice cream.” Then he gives Cora a wicked smile. “That I’m not going to share with either of you.”

“You are the worst brother!” Cora yells as he begins to climb the stairs. “And I hope you fall on your ass while trying to dance!”

“Can’t hear you!” Derek’s cell begins to ring. “Too busy getting ready to prom!”

Laura lets out a high-pitched laughter. “I love you two so much.”

Derek shakes his head fondly, closes his bedroom door behind himself just as Cora tells Laura to shut up. “Hey.” He answers the phone, collapsing on his bed. “What’s up?”

“Yo,” Stiles answers, “whatcha doing?”

“Listening to my sisters fight.” He says, snorting when he hears his dad start complaining about all the yelling and ‘no, Cora, I’m not letting you go to prom, you’re thirteen!’. “I’m gonna have to check the trunk of my car tomorrow night.”

Stiles laughs. “She’s not that good.”

“If you keep teaching her, she will be.” Derek blurts out, curses himself mentally when he realizes it came out harsher than he intended.

It’s just – sometimes he can’t help it. He’s known Stiles since they were four, Cora wasn’t even born then, but one day she turned eleven and Stiles became her new favorite person. Stiles couldn’t find it funnier and took Cora as his little apprentice. He even taught her how to cheat on Mario Kart.

He’s never taught Derek that.

Derek rolls his eyes, thinks about his little sister still downstairs pouting and trying to convince their dad that she’s old enough to go out. He shouldn’t be jealous of her, but the thing is – he grew up with two sisters, he knows how to share toys and food, but he doesn’t know how to share Stiles.

Because Stiles is his.

Keep reading

Truth May Vary

Yes, hi, excuse me, passing through, dropping crap all over the fandom. 

Hi. So, I did the prompt! @pink-paladin-lance hope you like it, tho I didn’t made it as angsty bc I craved fluffiness and well, …yeah. Hope you like it anyways!

Ps. Long Post. So yeah! No warnings? Just mean aliens, psh. 

Nothing much to say? Enjoy! 

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me and the idea come from @pink-paladin-lance (:

Edit: ….Did i fixed it the damn problem or? 


“Alright! Another win for Voltron!” Hunk shouts animatedly as he wraps an arm around Keith’s shoulder, shaking him as he cheers, “Did you guys see how Keith dodged that laser beam when one of the Galras tried to sneak up on him? Keith, buddy, that was amazing! You totally flipped them!”

Keith laughs as he takes off his helmet and brushes Hunk’s praise off. “What? No, come on! Are you kidding? Were you even present when your Lion completely crushed that rock and saved the entire village? Because I was and it was out of this planet, man.”

“Okay, guys, but I think I speak for everyone that the best part was when we formed Voltron and we completely destroyed that Robeast because Shiro’s plan was on point!” Pidge cuts in, grinning behind her shoulder to meet their leader, “If it hadn’t been for your quick thinking, the battle would have taken a lot longer.”

Shiro chuckles from his place besides Allura and waves the compliments off with a hand. “No way. The plan was a success because your plants held the Robeast long enough for us to make a move, Pidge. You have been improving a lot since the day we found of about your Lion’s power.”

Lance watches from the sidelines as he stands besides Coran, a few feet away from the team. He smiles fondly as he hears them cheer and praise each other, their adrenaline and enthusiasm that always come from a winning battle still running through their blood.

“Wait, wait, but did you guys notice when Lance –” Keith’s sentence is suddenly cut off when the Prince of the Royal Family from the Kingdom they just saved clears his throat abruptly, catching everyone’s attention and making Keith’s proud grin to dim, replacing it with a frown.

“On behalf of my people and my Mother, I would like to express our gratitude towards the brave Paladins of Voltron who saved us today and forevermore, for it is their duty to defend and serve this Universe from the claws of evil.” The Prince says, voice high and powerful.

He stares into each of the Paladin’s eyes before they fall on Allura. “Princess Allura, please, as a thank you, allow us to escort you and the entire team to our Castle in order to present you an exquisite and well deserved banquet in your honor.”

Allura smiles and opens her mouth to respond but Lance’s voice beats her to it.

“Sure, dude!” He shouts happily, walking a few steps until he’s standing beside Allura and Shiro. “A banquet is always appreciated! I mean, Voltron really kicked some serious ass today if you know what I mean.” Lance can hear the way his team groan and chuckle at his words, too used to Lance’s cocky facade and he can feel Allura’s playful smack of her hand on his ribs.

Lance’s grin fades when the Price stares down at him unamused and something inside him drops unpleasantly.

“Blue…Paladin, of course.” The Prince says, a bore and uninterested tone on the back of his tone as he forces a rigid polite smile, “While I agree with you on the fact that Voltron surely won this battle by their own hands, I have to ask…”

He pauses, letting his words linger in the air as he takes a step towards Lance and clicks his tongue.

“Why are you on the team? I’m sure that your … talents, if you even have some, can be of much assistance back in the Castle.”

Lance’s smile falls and he hears the way someone behind him takes a sharp intake of breath but Lance doesn’t bother to turn around to found out who exactly.

“Well, I am the Blue Paladin. I have to be where the team is, of course.” Lance says, mouth twitching in what he hopes to be a smile but ends up being a grimace.

The Prince clicks his tongue once again and shakes his head as if in disappointment. “Ah, my apologies, Blue Paladin. I had just assumed that you were just filling the spot for the time being until the true Blue Paladin claimed the title.”

Lance doesn’t need to turn around to know what’s happening behind his back. He can feel the tense air that has settled on the team. He can hear the hard shallow pants from Hunk’s end as the Yellow Paladin tries to suppress the urge to lunge at the Prince. He can hear the soft faint sound of Shiro’s arm activating itself along with Keith’s bayard. He can even feel Pidge’s deathly glare that goes through him to get to their target that is the Prince.

He feels the grip of Allura’s hand on his suit tighten and the way Coran’s hand find its way until it’s resting on his shoulder.

But the Prince doesn’t. He doesn’t see, feel or sense any of what Lance does because they are not his team, they are Lance’s.

The Prince continues.

“No offense, Blue Paladin, but I had actually thought that Princess Allura here was the rightful Paladin for the Blue Lion. Having her leadership and power aside, she seems to be such a good fit for the title.”

Lance doesn’t disagree.

“Of course, I might be wrong. After all, there must be a reason why you are fighting besides Voltron itself. I speak out only because I believe your talents have been blurred by being surrounded by such powerful people and I’m merely concerned about the efficiency in future battles, thinking that your efforts may not be good enough –”

Lance can’t even come up with a response because suddenly there’s a body rushing past him and then Keith is standing there, pressing his Marmora Blade against the Prince’s neck.

“Would you like to say that again? Just to make sure I have the right motive to make you regret those words?” Keith hisses, face inches away from the Prince’s.

“Keith.” Coran calls, sharp and with a hidden warning, “Step back from the Prince, right now, Young Paladin.”

“But Coran –!”

Right now.

Keith growls but ends up taking a step back, his scowl deep in his face as he glares at the Prince from a distance.

“Prince Yult,” Allura says, voice tight and on edge as she releases Lance’s suit and takes a step forward, “While we appreciate your hospitality, you have no right to –”

“Princess Allura, if I may?” Lance cuts off, quiet but firm as he raises his chin high, staring at her evenly.

Allura stares right back, eyebrows furrowed in confusion before she nods.

“Prince Yult.” Lance addresses respectfully and waits until the royal nods at him before he continues, “I can understand your confusion about my position as a Paladin and your concern around the topic. My team’s talent and power is unmeasured and it’s not something anyone can live up to.”

“Lance…” Keith mumbles behind him but Lance continues.

“Which is why I must ask of you, not to doubt my team’s efficiency based on their one weakness that is me.”

“Lance, that’s enough.” Shiro snaps, low and dangerous but Lance doesn’t stop.

“Rest reassured, your highness.” Lance smiles, tight and forced, “That Voltron shall continue winning more battles and I will not be a liability to the team.”

“Buddy, come on, stop –”

“Now, if you excuse me, your highness.” Lance says, cutting Hunk’s plead short, “I shall take my leave. I’m sure the rest of the team would love to meet the Queen, but I sadly need to go back to the Castle and stand guard.”

Lance doesn’t wait for an answer. He turns around, ignoring the way Keith reaches out to him and how the rest of the team calls his name.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What all instances of flirting, like I missed so many lmao

yOU ASKED SO I DELIVERED HERE U GO (AND I WAS EXTREMELY SELF-INDULGENT W SCREENSHOTS SO APOLOGIES FOR THIS POST BEING LONG AS F): 

  • :16 dan is acting out what they’re like in these bomb videos and immediately seizes the opportunity to playfully punch phil’s arm repeatedly. phil, for his part, just sits there and looks adorably bemused while dan is yelling. love it
  • :33 dan does some sort of sketchy fist gesture, phil immediately reacts to it even though it was generally benign, in a blatant subversion of their normal roles w making innuendos/sexual jokes. they both giggle
  • :47 phil goes into a whiny voice to say how he really wanted to do an exotic bomb and then hums the generic vlog music they always use. dan tries to look annoyed but just giggles some more
  • :56 dan’s like ‘so i reckon we need to actually beat more than one in this section’ and leans in all close to phil and phil’s like ‘alright! okay!’ in the flirtiest voice ever i wanna die
  • 1:16 ‘so I’m gonna bomb first, i think you should read first,’ says phil and the ensuing exchange where he’s just cheekily giggling while dan is acting all exasperated is just so cute … and uh, i can’t be the only one who thought there was a pretty blatant sexual undertone to phil saying ‘just tell me what to do. i’m your putty. mold me into whatever shape you want.’ … and dan’s eyes go momentarily wide while he says it. nice
  • 1:52 dan calling phil ‘felipe’ lmao what even
  • 5:32 when they’re epically failing and they’re about to lose, phil does his instinctual pat of dan’s arm to tell him they have fifteen seconds left and it’s cute
  • 5:50 the look they share immediately upon losing, before phil just breaks into giggles
  • 6:14 phil going ‘what is something that flops like more than anything else in the world’ with an utterly impassive poker face purely to wind dan up and see him laugh is one of the most simultaneously adorable, hilarious, and impressive things i have ever witnessed
  • 6:36 thIS WHOL E EXCHANGE w dan asking if phil thinks it’s his (dan’s) fault that they didn’t do well that round and saying ‘you can be honest’ with wide puppy eyes, and then phil saying yes, he thinks dan was pretty bad that time, and then dan trying to look shocked n appalled while still grinning:
  • and then screeching that phil is supposed to lie!!!!! and phil just consolingly being like ‘well you were flustered …’ like trying to be a bit reassuring,, honestly fucking end me, that was one of the cutest bits in this whole vid, they’re just so comfortable w each other and I’m dying
  • 9:33 onwards when dan is retaliating by telling phil he should be able to decode this morse code thing just bc he litro can’t let phil’s criticism go. he is a child. i love it
  • 9:53 when phil says it’s too hard, dan’s all ‘NO WE CAN DO THIS PHIL’ and slams his hands on the table and leans into phil’s space just to grab the manual and its all v cute
  • 10:27 ‘shut up rat’ omg i lost it at this. and then a few seconds later ‘shut up turd.’ dan is really top notch at verbally abusing his partner
  • 10:53 phil v abruptly shush-ing dan in order to cut off what was sure to be a long and hysteric rant about how unfair the last round was. i love how instinctual that was for phil, like he just knows dan’s about to go off and neither of them have time for it, and then dan immediately complies when phil tells him to shush hahah
  • 13:25ish during the really stressful new one that they didn’t really understand i noticed that they kept bumping arms until they just decided to keep their arms touching for basically the rest of the time until the bomb goes off and it struck me as maybe being a way for them to subtly kinda be like ‘we’re all right it’s all good’ and ground each other. cute
  • 14:04 the look they share AGAIN when they lose
  • and the whole exchange up until like 14:35 where they’re debriefing and just talking to each other, sort of forgetting the camera exists. I LOVED watching that even though the v obvious jumpcut suggests they cut a bunch of it out bc it was just dan walking phil through the instructions for the new module and phil just leans in all close and lets dan guide him and i loved their facial expressions during that part AHHH it was just so comfy n GOOD
  • 15:35 dan telling phil about the new module they’ve never done before by singing it, i felt like this was yet another example of him trying to keep the energy light and non-stressful so that phil would stay calm and it’s cute that these videos have so many instances of them trying to look out for each other like that (but then dan is actually kind of bad at this and spends a lot of time screaming when he’s doing the bomb and i cried laughing at the bit at 18:11 when he’s jst high pitched squealing for a few seconds)
  • 18:26 the looks they share!!! YET!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!! when they lose!!!!! (partially obscured by the explosion effect lol):
  • 18:51 dan proudly proclaiming that they probs have above average communication skills when they’re not stressed or trying to be entertaining bc apparently they are unable to do one of these vids without mentioning or alluding to their psychic connection and best friend mind meld

ahhhh watching them work together in this game is the fucking best and they were just so happy in this one, it was so palpable and hilarious and fun to watch, as though all the fun they have together is actually contagious. i love them and this video series so fuckin much :((

(keep talking and no one explodes #3

anonymous asked:

LISA. If every song from Halbum was a fic, what fic would they be?????

Meet Me In The Hallway

Just let me know I’ll be at the door, at the door
Hoping you’ll come around
Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor
Maybe we’ll work it out

  • Red Brick Heart : Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

Sign of the Times

Just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times
We gotta get away from here

  • Here In The Afterglow1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Carolina

She’s such a good girl 
She’s a good girl 
She feels so good

  • You’ll Breathe Me In (You Won’t Release)  AU where Louis is a 25-year-old driving instructor and Harry is a 17-year-old virgin who’s really awful at seduction, except for the time he gets Louis to fall for him and fuck him senseless and take him on kinky adventures.

Two Ghosts

We’re not who we used to be
We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

  • Love Is A Rebellious Bird :  AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who “has made Mozart cool again” according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Sweet Creature

But we’re still young
We don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong

I know, we started
Two hearts in one home

  • Never Be : The one where Harry Styles moves to Connecticut from England for nine months as a part of a study abroad program, and he just so happens to move in with Louis Tomlinson and family.

Only Angel

I must admit I thought I’d like to make you mine
As I went about my business through the warning signs
End up meeting in the hallway every single time

  • Gods & Monsters : The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that’s exactly what he did.

 Kiwi

And all the boys, they were saying they were into it
Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck

Driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it
I’m kind of into it

  • Escapade : In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He’s reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

Ever Since New York

I need something, tell me something new
Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote
For this curse
Oh, what’s it waiting for?
Must this hurt you just before you go?

  • Empty Skies : For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream – making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He’s still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

Woman

I hope you can see, the shape that I’m in
While he’s touching your skin
He’s right where I should, where I should be
But you’re making me bleed

  • You Are The Blood : A seventh-year Hogwarts AU in which Niall gets all the girls, Liam goes on a journey of self-discovery, Zayn falls in love, Harry wants something more, and Louis tries to figure out once and for all why he, a Muggleborn, was sorted into Slytherin.

From The Dining Table

We haven’t spoke since you went away
Comfortable silence is so overrated
Why won’t you ever be the first to break?
Even the phone misses your call, by the way

  • These Inconvenient FireworksFuture AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

about shiro not backing keith’s story in bom: i think there’s other factors that a lot of people overlook. namely, the fact that shiro’s response isn’t just him reacting to an isolated incident–its him finally putting together the pieces after a long time of dealing with constant doubt and concern. because he knows something’s up with keith. in season 2, he’s the only one that does. on two separate occasions, he takes keith aside and tries to talk to him, to ask him what’s wrong, to try and get him to open up. and every time keith shuts him out? you can see the fear on shiro’s face, can see that he feels like they’re slowly drifting apart and he’s losing keith

these two strike me as friends who probably used to tell each other everything. so the fact that keith is refusing to talk now, that he’s forcing this distance between them? shiro doesn’t know what to think. and when he sees keith has this alien knife and is maybe part galra? maybe isn’t even from earth at all? shiro is very quickly finding out that this person he’s very close to, someone who he thought he knew everything about, is quite literally becoming alien. his best friend is suddenly a stranger, and he’s questioning whether he ever even knew him at all  

looking at shiro’s face here, he looks just as panicked as keith. despite how good he is at improvising and acting, he doesn’t even have it in him to scrape together an excuse or cover story. he’s genuinely shocked, and just blurts the words out without thinking. “I…I don’t know”–he hesitates, stumbles. he’s seeing the person he thought he was really close to in a whole new light, and he doesn’t know how to handle it

and keith? when he’s down on the ground, the first thing he says is “Shiro, you know me.” becuase he’s trying desperately to bridge that gap, to make shiro see–to prove that, even if keith’s going through some shit, even if he doesn’t know who he himself is, he hasn’t changed. the person shiro knew is still the same. 

also, look at shiro’s face after that exchange. that doesn’t look like someone who just sold out or distrusts their friend. he takes the time to look at keith and kinda check in, to see how vulnerable and scared he looks (scared because he thinks shiro doesn’t trust him)

before he goes right back to glaring and confronting the bom

he then tells keith theyre leaving and starts walking away. he realizes there’s some kind of conflict here between keith and the bom, so he tries to separate them. if he really didnt trust his friend, he would’ve insisted he either 1 hand over the knife or 2 started asking a bunch of personally invasive questions–after all, this is the person that insisted on morally grey mind control interrogation to extract information from a galra. 

instead, he sees how honestly hurt and confused keith looks, so he gives him some space and tries to quickly remove him from the situation 

and when keith insists on staying? shiro’s worried look in the background there? even if he doesn’t understand what’s been going on with keith all this time, he’s clearly concerned, clearly cares. he backs off a bit and let’s keith say his piece, because he realizes just how much all this means to him. shiro doesn’t interfere again until after he hears keith’s life will be on the line, and immediately tries to get him out of there 

he goes right up to keith’s side when he tries to reason with him, and we get a repeat of that shoulder touch thing these two do so much. shiro especially does this to keith a lot, and it honestly seems like a kind of grounding thing. he reaches out to keith, tries to tell him that whatever’s going on his life isn’t worth it, holds onto him to offer some kind of comfort. the way shiro tries to convince him here reminds me a lot of that thing joaquim said in an interview, about how “shiro is sort of the only thing that can really calm him down and keep him in check.” shiro very much tries to do that here, sees that keith is angry and upset and tries to keep him from making a reckless decision. 

was shiro really taken aback and hurt initially? i think so, yes. but once he kinda has a bit of time to recover and think things through he’s still thinking of keith and trying to help him as best he can–this is also why he doesn’t try to stop him again until it’s absolutely necessary, because he respects keith’s volition and understands the importance of that autonomy. when push comes to shove, regardless of the situation, shiro still steps up to protect keith 

Firing the Nalu Canon a Bit Prematurely... ButScrewit

OKAY! Everyone is talking about this ONE MAGIC stuff right. Well Zeref says:

The Magic that overcomes ALL MAGIC. But Lucy had a theory:

Which makes sense seeing as the mages get more powerful when they are emotional. I don’t know about you, but Lucy seems to have a better understanding about Magic than Zeref cus he’s fukin shit up left and right over here.

(It’s not his fault he just wanted to save his family and he’s been alive for way too long and the Mavis went all X_X on him and he just doesn’t want to be tortured by Acnologia for eternity and I just want to hug him, etc…)

HOWEVER!

Does anyone remember back in chapter 478 when Mavis was all:

Pause to stare at this perfect little family.

THEN she makes Lucy come to her and gives her END:

Like, she makes Lucy leave Natsu, gives her the book, then goes to Natsu and Zeref…Whatcha doin Mavis?

THEN she tells Zeref she knows how to save him:

Anyone else think this is proof it’s Nalu? Natsu is END and I think he will be the downfall of Zeref, but not in the way Zeref thinks, by killing him. Instead I think Lucy’s love for Natsu (and vise versa) and saving him will break the curse on Zeref and he will be mortal.

(I totally want to say then Mavis and Zeref can be together..but I have a feeling they both are going to die and be together that way because they are pretty done with living right about now.)

I mean I get it’s the love between the guild and friends and shit. BUT THE NALU IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE!

Mavis has been sitting on this information for a good 50+ chapters…and now Lucy’s writing in Natsu’s book and I’m not okay!

Originally posted by peaceisthenewhappy

That is all.

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪.
In the year negative a billion, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty thousand, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of ♫ trees ♫. Because it’s warmer.
So now there’s people on the island; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls.
Ding dong, it’s the outside world, and they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and ♪ crazy rice farms ♪. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you king.
Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread all across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here (Hi), here (Chikushi), here (Izumo), here (Kibi), here (Yamato), here (Koshi), and here (Kenu). But this one (Yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or emperor for short.
Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Buddhism) from Baekje.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.
Then, the government was taken over by another clique (Taika). And they made some reforms , like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.
“Hi China,” they said.
“Hi dipshit (wa, dwarf),” said China.
“Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said Japan.
“Like what?” said China.
♫♪"How about sunrise laaand?“♪♫ said Japan.
And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here (Kyoto, Heian Palace). And they conquered the north finally, get that squared away.
A rich hipster named Kūkai is bored with modern Buddhism and visits China, learns a better version which is more ♫♪ spiritual ♪♫, comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫♪ great ♪♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dreamworld of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? ♫♪ Hire a samurai. ♪♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, right here. They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun was actually in control.
Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.
"W̛e҉’ve i͟nv̕aded ̵Chi͠na̸,” said the Mongols, “Pl͘e̶a̷se̵ ͝res͢p̛ȩc̷t u͢s҉,͜ or͜ el̕se w͞e ͟m̛igh͟t ͠i͝nvade͡ ̕y͜o̕u̕ ͡a͡s̕ ̡well̀.̢”
“Okay,” said Japan.
So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornadotyphoon. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornadotyphoon.
Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to Kyoto, and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.
♫♪ Now there’s more art. ♪♫
Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.
It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun. Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.
Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over, they just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks, and guns, and ♫♪ Jesus ♪♫. So that’s cool. But everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns! And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? This clan (Imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (Oda) which is in the way. Surprise, smaller clan wins! And the leader of that clan (Oda Nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well.
He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him (Toyotomi Hideyoshi) kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And he made some rules.
“Ąnd͟ n͟ow I'̛m̶ goińg̡ to ͘inva͞d̨e ͝Kor͟e͡a,̵ an͝d͢ ̶the̴n h͜op̷ef̕ull͏y ̵Chin͢a̛,” he said, and failed, and also died.
But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said yeah right, it’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. ‘Cause we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy (Tokugawa Ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others.
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people (Ishida Mitsunari) support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins. And starts a new government, right here. ♫♪ Edo ♫♪ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this (Tokugawa family) is the new government. And they are very strict, so strict they close the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (Dejima).
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published. There was poetry (haiku), plays (kabuki), sexytimes, puppet shows (bunraku), and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats.
“O͜pe͡ņ,̨ t͡he͏ ͘c̷o̷ưntry. ͠S̛t͜o̡p̛,̵ ҉ha͠v̀in͜g̷ i͝t̀ ͝be̴ ́clo͞sed.̢” said the United States.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want.
Chōshu and Satsuma hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
And with almost very little outside help, (from Britain) they overthrew the shogunate. And somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed eastern capital (Tokyo). They made a new government, which was a lot more Western. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty Western. And a military that was… pretty Western (large).
And do you know what else is Western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further (Liaodong Peninsula).
And Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop no you can’t do that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shitton of soldiers. Then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And Russia says, “How 'bout maybe you chill?”
Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who's alsokind of scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, but just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̵͡͝͝o͏̨̨̢͢o͏͏̵̧̕ơ̢̢͜͜o͠͏͢ó͘o̶̢̧ó̷͝͠o͝͡o̧͘r̨̢̕ȩ̸ and the next thing on their list is this part of China (Qingdao) and lots of tiny islands.
All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Japan should take the islands. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan, you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (Paris Peace Conference), with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria. And the League of Nations is like ♪"No don’t do that if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Japan said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
You’ve got mail.
It’s from Germany, the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said "Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫♪" Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire ocean.“♪♫
The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. Bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case (Germany). But they still haven’t joined the war, war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image.
But then Japan spits on them, in Hawai'i, and challenges them to war. And they say yes! And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan. And they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on Japan.
They actually drop two.
(You win.)
The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then the miracle wears off, but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪