Loki: Greetings, my love. I have a surprise for you. I’m sure you’ll love it! Please wait in your room.
Y/N: Really?! Thank you! You shouldn’t have. What is it? Tell me please!
Loki: A surprise, love.
Y/N: Can’t I have a hint? Please, please, please!
Loki: Tony is going to have a fit when he sees it, that’s for sure. Ehehehehe!
Loki: I’m going to try and sneak it in. Give me 10 minutes.
Y/N: … You didn’t get me a bilgesnipe, right?
Loki: I considered it but we already have Thor, one is enough. It’s a midgardian animal however.
Y/N: DOG? CAT? BUNNY? PARROT? A STRAY CLINT?
Loki: No, my love.
Loki: At times I really do question your friendship with Barton…
Y/N: Speaking of which, he’s trying to enter the chat. What did you put the password as?
Loki: Don’t worry, he’ll never guess it.
Clint has joined the chat.
Loki: What sorcery….
Clint: Y/N WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY TEXTS
Clint: I SENT YOU MEMES THAT I NEED YOUR APPROVAL ON
Clint: I FARMED THESE MEMES MYSELF
Clint: Get it? Because I have a farm.
Clint: You… are dating Loki?
Y/N: No! Who said that?
Loki: Er, why would you think that Y/N and I are courting?
Clint: “My love.” A private chat. Surprises! I’m deaf not blind!
Y/N: … We’re really close friends?
Clint: YOU ONLY TALK TO Y/B/F LIKE THAT!
Loki: I’m one of Y/N’s best friends?
Clint: YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH!
Clint: I’M ONE OF Y/N’S BEST FRIENDS, YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT ONE OF THEM
Clint: Also what kind of stupid password is “LokiLaufeysonIsTheFutureAndRightfulKingOfAsgardWithHisQueenY/N”?
Y/N: Really babe, really?!
Clint: Seriously judging you, Loki.
Y/N: Of all the possible passwords!
Clint: At least add numbers to make it more challenging!
Loki: It’s a good password! Thor would never guess it!
Clint: Wait, wait, wait. We’re moving off topic. Y/N, how could you not tell me you’re dating this ice sculpture?
Y/N: I was going to! I was just waiting for the right time. Please don’t tell anyone yet! They’re not going to take it well.
Clint: You’re dating a psychopath, of course they won’t!
Loki: I’m not a psychopath,
I’m a highly functioning sociopath.
Clint: Don’t taint Sherlock!
Clint: So, I’m the only one who knows about this?
Loki: Yes, thank Odin.
Clint: It would be a shame
Clint: If the others found out
Y/N: DON’T YOU DARE!
Clint: If only there were donuts to keep my mouth shut
Clint: But there aren’t any…
Clint: Maybe I’ll add the team and ask them if they have any.
Y/N: How many do you want?
Clint: A DOZEN EVERY WEEK FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!
Y/N: Loki, love. Get Clint some donuts, please?
Loki: … Fine.
Clint: And I want to go to Asgard.
Loki: I’ll see what I can do.
Clint: I want the fancy armor too!
Loki: Of course.
Clint: And your helmet.
Loki: Absolutely not!
Clint: Let’s ask the team how they’re doing, shall we?
Y/N: I hate you.
Clint: Love you too, Y/N.
Loki: The helmet is yours but nothing else! Do we have a deal?
Clint: Deal. Remember, hurt my lovely Y/N and you will regret it!
Thor has joined the chat.
Clint: I didn’t tell him.
Thor: Brother! You are courting Lady Y/N?!
Y/N: It’s a good password, you said. Thor would never guess it, you said.
Thor: How could you keep this from me! We are family!
Thor: Did you think I would not be happy for you?
Loki: Do you approve?!
Thor: Of course I do! Lady Y/N is a wonderful person, I could think of no one else better than her for you. Hearty congratulations brother!
Loki: I am surprised… Thank you… Brother.
Thor: But Lady Y/N, I must offer my most sincere and heartfelt apologies to you as my brother is far from wonderful.
Y/N: Don’t worry, Thoreo! Loki has been a marvelous boyfriend.
Clint: So far… And when he messes up, I will be there to fight him.
Loki: Why do you have a cute nickname for Thor…?
Loki: And dammit, Barton! I love Y/N. I would NEVER hurt her.
Thor: We must celebrate! I shall ask Stark to take us to one of the finest dining places on Midgard.
Y/N: THOREO NO
Loki: YOU OAF, DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW!
Thor has added Tony.
Thor: Better now than never!
Thor has left the chat.
Clint: I’m still getting my donuts despite Tony knowing, right?
Loki: … A chat?
Y/N: …. Surprise!
Tony: Did you cast a spell on Y/N? Is it blackmail? Y/N you can tell me!
Y/N: Tony. I know this must be hard to accept but… Loki and I are in love.
Tony: MY ARC REACTOR HURTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS
Y/N: He’s no longer the man who tried to take over New York and who threw you off a building. Give him a chance, please!
Loki: My love, I know that you are trying to resolve the situation, but perhaps try not to mention my past misdeeds?
Clint: Are we at the part where Tony shoots him with his little blasty things?
Tony has added Natasha, Steve, Bruce.
Clint: We’re all going to kick his ass? I’ll get my bow.
Loki: I thought you were on our side, Barton!
Clint: I still didn’t get my donuts.
Tony: Steve, do something!!
Natasha: I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I think their relationship is good.
Y/N: But Nat, you just found out?
Natasha: I’m a spy, remember?
Tony: Don’t… encourage them!
Natasha: Ever since they started dating, Loki has been nicer, more kind. Less creepy and evil. Which is really good for us.
Steve: Natasha has a point. I don’t think Loki would jeopardize his relationship with Y/N by trying to take over the world and he seems to love her a lot, I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt or upset her.
Tony: HAVE YOU PEOPLE GONE MAD?!
Clint: … Tony. I think we’ve entered an alternate dimension.
Y/N: Stevie, you’re taking this really well…
Steve: Natasha told me about you and Loki as soon as you two started dating.
Clint: BUT NOT ME??????????
Y/N: Awwww you guys, you knew this whole time and didn’t make a big deal about it unlike a certain bird and billionaire here. Thank you Nat and Stevie <3
Steve: Oh I’m trying my best not to punch Loki.
Nat: Not a day goes by when I don’t want to shoot him.
Loki: I can’t blame them.
Steve: But he makes you happy.
Nat: And you make him a better person, so we grudgingly approve.
Loki: Banner, you’re more quiet than usual…
Bruce: I’m just thinking.
Tony: He’s trying to think of ALL THE WAYS TO HURT YOU IF YOU HURT Y/N!
Bruce: Tony is right.
Loki: I will gladly accept becoming one with the floor if I dare hurt Y/N, which I would never.
Y/N: Soooooooo, now that everyone knows, can you all leave?
Tony: WE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU TWO PRIVACY AFTER THIS!
Y/N: Love, did you uh, manage to bring in my surprise?
Loki: Oh yes, ehehehehehehehehe.
Steve: When he laughs/types like that, it means he’s up to something bad.
Loki: I’m feeding it first and then I’ll bring it up to your room.
Tony: What surprise?
Tony: Feeding it?!
Tony: Look, we have enough strays. We took in Loki and Bucky, we can’t take in more.
Nat: What is it?
Bruce: I’m kinda curious too. Spill.
Scott has joined the chat.
Scott: WHY DOES LOKI HAVE A LEMUR
Scott: A LEMUR
Scott: Also, gross. Y/N, why him?
Y/N: DARLING, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!
Y/N: NO SERIOUSLY, I’M QUITE CONFLICTED ABOUT THIS
Loki: I remembered how after watching that movie… Madagascar? You said you thought the lemur was cute. Do you not like it?
Clint: Can I pet it?!
Tony: NO WILD ANIMALS IN ME BASE
Scott: THIS LEMUR DOES NOT LIKE ME
Scott: I swear it wants to start a fight
Scott: DO YOU THINK I’M LYING
Scott: AIFPHWEH G GNLKREG
Scott has been disconnected.
Y/N: Is he okay?!
Loki: It attacked him.
Natasha: … I’m not breaking that fight up.
Clint: Who shall come out as the victor? Scott or King Julien II?
Bruce: Probably the lemur.
Tony: I guess we can keep the lemur? Just make sure to keep it out of the lab and my room.
Tony has left the chat.
Steve: I should help Scott…
Steve has left the chat.
Loki: What shall we name him, love?
Clint: I’VE ALREADY NAMED HIM
Y/N: Clint’s name is good.
Loki: Alright, we shall name him Clint.
Y/N: No, I meant King Julien II
Loki: Ehehehe Clint it is!
Clint: .. I’m kinda touched, not gonna lie. Clint Jr. So cute.
Bruce: So now we have a lemur, a raccoon, a hawk, an ant, two spiders, a panther and a falcon.
Bruce: … Can we get a penguin next?
Natasha has left the chat.
Bruce has left the chat.
Clint: What a great day.
Clint has left the chat.
Loki: Finally! I thought they’d never leave.
Y/N: If you’re done settling in Clint Jr. can you come to my room where I’ve been waiting for the past 20 minutes for you?
Loki: To thank me, I presume? ;)
Sam has joined the chat.
Sam has added Bucky.
Loki: STOP IT, YOU IMBECILES!
Sam: OF ALL THE HUNKS ON THIS TEAM,
Bucky: YOU CHOOSE HIM?
Sam: I’m insulted, Y/N.
Bucky: If you ever break up with him Y/N, you know where to find me.
Sam: And me.
Sam has left the chat.
Bucky has left the chat.
Loki: Would you be upset if I set Clint Jr. upon them?
Loki: Consider it, please.
Loki: Clint Jr. has stopped his attack on the bug man. See you soon, love.