the velvet elvis

What Shakespeare Characters want for Christmas

A comfortable chest binder, respect, and a gift card from The Gap: Viola, Rosalind, Portia, Julia

A cheese of the month club membership: Falstaff, Dogberry, Nurse

 Velvet Elvis painting: Titania, Benedick

 A set of high-quality lock picks: Brutus, Puck, Iago

 As much chocolate as their petite stomachs can hold: Beatrice, Horatio, Kate Minola

 LEGO Death Star: Lady Macbeth, Richard III

 Some Goddamn peace and quiet: Malvolio, Richard II, Lear

Funding the Arts

When I received the petition by Americas for the Arts that I posted yesterday it had roughly 7000 signatures. This morning it has over 20,000.

Do I think it’ll matter? Probably not. Trump can use his charities to purchase bad portraits of himself and Bannon, well he can pick up velvet Elvis portraits at any old carnival. So do they care about the NEA or PBS, no.

But it feels good to do something. We don’t get much funding through them but what’s good about what we do get is that it’s “unrestricted” meaning we can use the donation for anything … helping to pay our salaries, offering scholarships, buying a new kiln, repairing the burst pipes on a water heater (!), or buying art supplies for our youth programs. We make it stretch as much as possible!

So thank you to all who signed and shared. It hasn’t gone unnoticed! 🎨🎭👩‍🎨
"Weird Al" Yankovic sentence starters
  • “I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it with the whole hockey team.”
  • “I’m just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime.”
  • “I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.”
  • “Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.”
  • “Well it sure beats raising cattle.”
  • “The window doesn’t open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven’t been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who.”
  • “Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they’re not afraid of wolves.”
  • “Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.”
  • “You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.”
  • “I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.”
  • “Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You’ll have plenty of time to be low-key when you’re laid out on the slab.”
  • “It doesn’t take a military genius to see we’ll all be crispy critters after World War III.”
  • “I kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I’ll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I’ll go bowling instead.”
  • “I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.”
  • “You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.”
  • “Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.”
  • “I was abducted by some aliens from space who kind a looked like Jamie Farr.”
  • “I love Rocky Road.”
  • “You’re pretty close to what I’ve always hoped for.”
  • “He died a long painful death. However, you’ll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine.”
  • “My wife went off with Elvis.”
  • “If money can’t buy happiness, I guess I’ll have to rent it.”
  • “My brothers and sisters all hated me ‘cause I was an only child.”
  • “I’m nerdy in the extreme, whiter than sour cream.”
  • “This song’s just six words long.”
  • “Girls just wanna have lunch.”
  • “My Baby’s In Love With Eddie Vedder”
  • “Why does this always happen to me?”
  • “I think I’m missing a contact lens and I think my wallet’s gone.”
  • “I lost on Jeopardy!”
  • “Don’t know how long he’ll last”
  • “Some girls like buying new shoes, and others like drivin’ trucks and wearing tattoos.”
  • “You’re sort of everything I’ve ever wanted”
  • “You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts”
  • “Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink”
  • “We wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota”
  • “She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight”
  • “There’s something gross in the fridge today”
  • “We’ve been spending most of our lives, living in an Amish Paradise”
  • “So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus, and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows, and I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation.”
  • “To his great surprise, it seems she prefers guys who kiss upside down in the rain”
  • “Why’d they have to interrupt ‘The Simpsons’ just for this?”
  • “MC Escher that’s my favorite MC”
  • “I borrowed your chapstick without asking and tried out your nose trimmer too”
  • “I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride”
  • “Hope you won’t think it’s cliché if I go nude today”
  • “I instagram every meal I’ve had”
  • “I hate these word crimes”

THIS   M O D E R N   LOVE    breaks me! 

girls like you - the naked and famous • your body is a weapon - the wombats • warpath - ingrid michaelson • cardiac arrest - bad suns • make a new dance up - hey ocean! • moscow - autoheart • young folks - peter, bjorn and john • back of your neck - howler • chasin’ honey - wild party • hunger - of monsters and men • excuses - the morning benders • velvet elvis - alex winston • lonely one  - dresses • closer than this - st. lucia • wild love - gossling • rewind - goldspot • this modern love - bloc party • maps - the yeah yeah yeahs

listen previously: lady waiting with the information

SAGITTARIUS PLAYLIST + “sugar sugar, you are my candy girl”

a playlist for all the sagittarius that always seem up for adventure.


i. sugar sugar -the archies ii. honey & i -haim iii. luv, hold me down -drowners iv. mute - youth lagoon v. ceiling of plankton - givers vi. keep the car running - arcade fire vii. velvet elvis -alex winston viii. float - pacific air


hey what’s up I just changed my URL i used to be beaufortcullen (and crocodilepatronus before that!) and so I thought I’d take the opportunity to do a follow forever post to alert friends that I’ve changed my URL as well as try and reach out to some blogs I don’t talk to but want to ! also if i forgot anyone im so sorry im using tumblr mobile follower list for this so 

some bloggers I love- @4kids-zolo @8bot @absolutely-fatal @aetheri-i @aleins @aloe-jelly @alratan @ardathsade @are-are-kay @armoldhammer @babyboyhenry @banbrotsu @bat-babe @aquamqn @bedwyrssong @bereweillschmidt @bisexualbobbydrake @blacklight-jellyfish @blue-velvet-elvis @borishu @bpdcorey @breethev @caeli1701 @camaelczarka @charlottec21 @cofffin @croc-in-crocs @cyanideandcoffee @danieljacksonscoffee @darknesshadows @demiboy-luffy @desertjpg @doucheflamingo @durintrash @eustasskidsfineass @finnwittrocky @flippyspoon @fuckwritersblock @ge0rgewashington @gloomyskye @goatsandgangsters @harleyqmanson @henrycumvill @hiddenbrugh @hyskoamorrow @internetiquette @irlluffy @irrationalgame @jamiefowkes @kavvka @kindsokind @komishika @leelajoy716 @legy @liiillith @lizzy384 @lkinneys @loofays @malglories @maximofffs @medusas-grave @millionfish @msjosephinemarch @mugwumpquest @mutant-revolutionary @mutents @mydeddyalabama @mymarsrevolution @mynewplaidpants @myopicbloom @oldfashionedvillain @oldstagbones @queerbluesea @reyesrobbies @sandpapersnowman @skinnybaras @sohydrated @superboyvapes @supey @suprhomem @swanofmischief @tandembicycles @thevarshmallow @timdrakedotcom @toralei @venividiwindex @weillschmidtdoodles @wickdprince 

some people that I might not be mutuals with / talked to much yet but I am friend crushing on :~) - @bhucewayne @bisexualclarkkent @clarkjoekent @clarrk-kents @clarrkeent @delicateflowerhenry @dickgraysonn @falconbigbutt @fancyporl @fatcavillry @gothjasontodd @gotosleepspacekid @irlsanji @jasonptodd @kitikattt7 @modulated-debate @muuuuuuuuuuuuuuurdock @nichtwing @nonbinary-agentwash @officialrohankishibe @onafaarm @ourladyofperpetualskepticism @patrickeelobrian @pencilias @remarried @reyskywalkings @stripperbucky @supermah @trcksuitdracula @gaykalel

*guides you through my pink mansion while wearing a marabou negligee and carrying a strawberry daiquiri in one hand*

“…and this is my collection of original Lisa Franks… I bought them for a song back in ‘97 and their value has been increasing exponentially every year…. Now, onto the Velvet Elvis gallery…”