the two penguins are you and i

Did You Know: The manual for The Elder Scrolls I: Arena put Tamriel’s dimensions as three to four thousand kilometers east to west and two to three thousand kilometers north to south? This would put Tamriel’s area between 6,000,000 to 12,000,000  square kilometers. This would make it as slightly smaller than Oceania for the smaller estimate, to bigger than Europe but slightly smaller than Antarctica for the larger one.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I know you love the Penguins, I’m curious to ask how you feel about them going to the White House with trump..?

Okay I didn’t know how I wanted to answer this but I’ve let this question sit in my inbox for two days now while this heat up on social media.
I’m getting to the point where I’m grossed out with hockey players including the NHL. Okay yes, back-to-back champions congrats, but do you really want to go to the White House right now? I feel that it would be one thing had it been their first time winning the cup in a while, but they just went last year. With everything that’s going on in sports right now I’m getting really turned off and not wanting to even go on anything that would pertain to these events taking place. The Penguins could really use this opportunity to not go, but this really shows me how rich white men are, and the company they go hand and hand with. The statement ‘hockey is for everyone’ is just masking tape. You can’t just have one game where a few players(who are comfortable) taping their sticks with rainbow tape to say it’s for everyone and the NHL supports it. The NHL PR is really at it this year and I’m changing my dream goal of working for them.

Second point- Auston matthews, congrats on your great uncle serving for America. My dad did in the navy and both sets of my grandparents did, but can you see where the hurt is? How can you stand for a flag that currently is not for everyone and say kneeling is upsetting.
I guess I keep thinking we get new players that have a different mindset on the world, but they’re all looked into that same white man way.

I know I’m going to get hate for this- but this is how I’m viewing all of this right now.

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator Sentence Starters

  • “Betrayed by my own butt yet again.”
  • “Can you explain memes to me?”
  • “Contrary to popular belief, penguins are… birds.”
  • “Did you think I was gonna stab you just now?”
  • “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I swear to god if you cry again.”
  • “Don’t write checks your dick can’t cash.”
  • “Here’s to bad decisions and relaxed moral values.”
  • “How’s the…… jeeeeeeeeeesus?”
  • “I am a happy little cheese monster.”
  • “I am spinning a web of lies that I fear will one day consume me.”
  • “I don’t want your stupid fruit leather.”
  • “I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding in per day. Filling quotas.”
  • “It’s called ‘string cheese’ and not ‘chompy cheese’ for a reason.”
  • “I’ll probably end up standing uncomfortably in the corner with a plate of food and hope that nobody talks to me.”
  • “I’m so many levels of irony deep I’ve forgotten what humour is.”
  • “I’m suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to crawl back into bed.”
  • “Mothman is bullshit.”
  • “My ultimate sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday.”
  • “OH SHIT THAT’S A KNIFE.”
  • “See you in class… bitch.”
  • “Sharks are tight.”
  • “So, you ever kill a man?”
  • “Stop being so desperate to please your hot friend.”
  • “That… that is a good butt.”
  • “The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”
  • “This ice cream cake is my new boyfriend.”
  • “This is where I come to masturbate.”
  • “Wait, I’m a wreck.”
  • “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.”
  • “You can never be too careful. See that baby in that stroller over there? Government operative.”
  • “Your face… is… good.”
  • “Your unending thirst will be your ultimate downfall.”
Underrated Anime

Here are some titles that I feel deserve more love than they get!

From the New World - This anime was a masterpiece. Paced and well-planned, the show entangles you without you knowing until its too late. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to sink their teeth into a psychological fantasy that leave you with a strange mix of innocence and uneasiness. 

Princess Jellyfish - A love story between a confident and fashionable crossdresser and an awkward, introverted girl. This is golden!

Welcome to the NKH! - Just the right amount of humor and psychological torment to keep every viewer enthralled. Is it a conspiracy? 

Monster - What happens when a promising young doctor saves the life of a boy who was fated to die? A gripping thriller of justice and revenge!

Bokurano - A group of kids become the chosen pilots of a robot faced with saving the planet, a beyond awesome experience for them!…or so they think. They sign the binding contract and now each one of them must pay the price. 

Wolf’s Rain - As legend has it, wolves will open the gate to Paradise in a dying world. This anime is a gripping, heart-wrenching tale of an unlikely pack of wolves searching for promised Paradise. Out of any of the shows on this list, Wolf’s Rain is worth watching. It is a legend it its own right. 

Samurai Champloo - THE MUSIC. The music alone should be enough to draw you into this epic tale, but in case you need more persuasion, know that this show revolves around the two most badass fighters in town and their quest to help a girl they are indebted to find the samurai who smells of sunflowers. Ugh its so gooooood. 

Mawaru Penguindrum - Weird and comical sum up this anime pretty nicely! It is a fun watch that you will find hard not to binge on once you start. Stay with me people: An alien penguin-hat grants a girl her life back in exchange for her two bothers’ help in acquiring the Penguindrum (whatever that is). I know what you are thinking, but please give it a try! You won’t regret it! 

Eden of the East - “This nation faces a great crisis. One among you must save us. I cannot tell you how. I cannot tell you why. Should you fail, you will be eliminated.” 12 people have been chosen to save Japan, each given a phone with 10 billion yen on it and the simple instruction to save Japan–their lives are on the line. Despite this harsh description, the actual show also has an element of humor, so don’t be afraid to jump in! Noblesse Oblige.

Steins;Gate - Many of you have probably heard of this and thought that is was too stuffy or complicated for you, but I’m here to tell you that you will watch this show, make it to episode 22, and then thank me. YOUR WELCOME. Sure, this show takes some getting into, but once you delve deeper into the plot, you will find things falling into place. It has unconventional characters, a really great romance stuck in there, and a pretty refreshing, sciency tone. Enjoy. 

Nodame Cantabile - To think that so many people have not seen this gift to humanity sickens me. Nodame is most assuredly the most interesting and unique anime character to walk this little anime earth. There is music! There is romance! There is SO MUCH HUMOR! There are 3 seasons!!! You can’t really pass up this opportunity to watch a legend.  

Hunter X Hunter (2011) - This is the only long-running shonen series I will ever watch. This is a series for those of you who like action but not fight scenes that span multiple episodes and like actual character development and good animation consistently throughout the show (I swear its perfect the whole way). Gon wants to be a Hunter just like his father and he meets Killua, the boy-assassin (an resident cinnamon roll), Kurapika, the last of the Kurta clan hell-bent on revenge, and Leorio, a guy who wants to strike it rich. Follow these four on a journey you won’t forget!

Gotham Rogues, a summary:

Joker: Edgy™
Harley Quinn: a better version of Edgy™
Poison Ivy: lesbian gardener
Catwoman: better than you
The Riddler: gay question mark
Mad Hatter: if emo was a person
Two-Face: it’s not a phase!!!
Scarecrow: spooky scary skeletons
Killer Croc: nice lizard man
Bane: do you even lift, bro
Penguin: i said a bird bird bird is the word
Deadshot: bang bang bitch
Mr. Freeze: deserved better
Clayface: dramatic pile of mush
Hush: white privilege

Rip Clubpenguin

Idk with clubpeguin shutting today i thought I share some memories of this fuckn site

  • I remember the day I made it. I was at my grandma’s house and I was ten and i started off with a 1 month membership
  • All the kids at recess would fight over the computers to play it and everyone in my school always went to ‘Tundra’ to play
  • The site crashing when Rockhopper came and everyone fighting to get on his ship that was hell
  • The surfing game was my fav and i was so mad when I found out they made survival for paid members
  • That fuckin flood once and I think an avalanche. I just remember a lot of events happening once 
  • I REMEMBER THAT MISSION WHERE YOU GOT LOST IN THE WOODS EVERYONE I KNEW LOST THEIR BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND THEN ONE FRIEND WAS LIKE “i got so scared when i had to burn the book!”
  • Halloween was always my fav event 
  • Im looking through a book in the game and god, all those events (the earthquake, fairs, fitness games in ‘08 
  • TIP THE ICEBERG
  • REMEMBER WHEN THE GOLDEN PUFFLE WAS A MYTH AND PEOPLE WHERE LOOKING FOR IT AND THEN YOU GOT ADOPT IT?????
  • When you could get belts in the dojo and Sensei was hard to beat
  • I shit you not once when I was with a friend we followed two penguins back to an igloo and hid quite well (they didn’t know we where there) and they started to have like fake sex. Like serious we watched these kids (they had to be kids cause of how they typed) having their penguins take off their clothes and fake having it and my friend then did a “hehe” AND THE TWO OTHER PEGUINS RAN GOD THAT WAS SOMETHING
  •  I stopped playing around the start of HS but holy hell clubpenguin was my childhood and I remember just having so much fun and playing it all the damn time

(add more memories if you want but these are some of mine)

Alternately...
  • Oswald: From now on we'll be using code names. You will address me as "Eagle One"
  • Oswald: Jim. Code name: "Been There Done That"
  • Jim: ...
  • Oswald: Ed is "Currently Doing That"
  • Oswald and Ed: *high five*
  • Oswald: Zsasz is "It Happened Once In A Dream"
  • Zsasz: *winks*
  • Oswald: Freeze. Code name: "If I Had to Pick a Freak"
  • Freeze: *grins*
  • Oswald: And Ivy is "Eagle Two"
  • Ivy: Oh thank god
6

This is the result of me procrastinating and having a really dumb idea

Click for captions!

EDIT: oh yeah, and I also did a Part Two

Who is D.O?

♡ Do kyungsoo

♡ “penguin”

♡ Also “satansoo”

♡ A free soul

♡ I wanna say that god really took his time on him

♡ he looks good in whatever he wears

♡ is nice and kind towards people

♡ soft voice 

♡ is good at acting

♡ cooks

♡ everybody loves him

♡ *cries while hugging a plush penguin*

Originally posted by kyungsuhos

♡ He’s actually the devil

♡ Suho is savage but he is compared nothing to kyungsoo

♡ “Chanyeol,you’re not funny”

♡ “If I open my mouth you’re finished”

♡”It’s not even funny so just move on” to suho

♡ “It’s true that i don’t talk much but that was just me ignoring you” to chan

he really hates him lol

♡ “The situation of two people liking each other hurts my head and i don’t like it”

♡ “I wish chen would be more serious.He’s no fun”

♡ “Do you even have friends?” to an actress

Originally posted by 3x0ismystyle

♡ People think that he’s staring at them

♡ but actually has a bad eyesight

♡ wears glasses

but i’m pretty sure he stares at people like that

Originally posted by veriloquentmind

♡ I’m telling y’all he’s no joke

♡ You may not believe it but he’s a lost penguin in real life

♡ A wise man once said “squishy”

♡ He’s soooooooo cute

♡ So fluffy

Originally posted by emommoma

♡ He used to disagree with the fact that he’s super cute but he accepted it in Ex’ordium Seoul Dot

*screams fuck yes and awwww at the same time*

♡ He is a ball made full of fluff,cutesy and love

♡ He is the actor of exo along with lay

♡ He hangs out with all those hot actors out there

Kim woo bin and minho

♡ Park Shin Hye

♡ In an interview,Lee Kwang Soo said that Kim woo Bin loves him so much

♡ “to the point where he’ll say kyungsoo my dear love,where are you?”

♡ Kim woo bin also said that their group chat went wild when Hyung was the most watched movie in korea for 3 weeks

♡ THEY HAVE A GROUP CHAT Y’ALL

♡ NO I’M NOT FUCKING JEALOUS

♡ Won 3 awards for his acting

♡ Is now filming a musical 

♡ includes tap dance

♡ He is famous of

♡ He also cooks well

he is literally perfect

♡ He was the one who cooked for the members since their debut

♡ I bet he still does

♡ He actually has to

♡ Coz

♡ His voice is smooth as fuck

♡ soft as honey

♡ He literally has a voice from heaven

♡ “Tell me what is love”

♡ No more words needed

♡ Also sang for his movie Hyung

♡ “Scream” CART OST

♡ Has a blessed voice

♡ His relationship with members

Here we go booiiii

♡ He hates Chanyeol

♡ so much

♡ but loves him as much

♡ still,hates him

♡ They’re tom and jerry

♡ They actually have a love relationship behind all those fights

and chokings

♡ Every exo-l’s heart flutters when we see both of them happily getting on together

Originally posted by ethereal-baek

♡ Chanyeol confessed him many times

♡ choose him whenever on whichever event

♡ ksoo rejected

♡ coz he got kai

♡ or chan is already his secret one-night-stand

Originally posted by moontaevhyung

kaisoo

♡ the real shit

♡ He’s a hoe for kai

♡ A really big one

♡ Kai is also a hoe for ksoo

♡ they’re the married couple along with xiuchen

♡ they don’t hide it

♡ they stare at each other

♡ they dance to playboy together

♡ they mention about each other on a individual broadcast

♡ they actually have fun together

♡ they seriously have a lovely relationship

Originally posted by k-craze

♡ happy penguin and his ethereal husband

♡ He is yet another member of exo who looks like a korean god

Originally posted by noutsuretho

♡ kaisoo strikes again

♡ The thing about him is that he can go sexysoo to fluffy penguin in 0.2 seconds

Originally posted by theonly-vagina-kyungsoo-will-fuk

♡ See?

♡ He literally looks so good in anything

♡ A coat

♡ A jacket

♡ A shirt

No shirt

♡ Pantless soo is my new fav thing

♡ He looks gooooooood

♡ His dance is amazing

♡ isn’t appreciated enough

Originally posted by ohyaahkkaebsong

♡ is the member who’s forced to do embarrassing stuff but ends up being cute

Originally posted by minniedeer

♡ He has a lovely relationship with any member who isn’t trying to be funny

Originally posted by im-a-loser-carry-on

♡ If you watch an exo interview,it may seem like soo only loves kai and yixing

the truth

♡ He adores every member

♡ He also loves Yoo jae suk

♡ He’s the only exo member who didn’t show his abs and dyed his hair

♡ P R O T E C T  T H I S  B O Y 

♡ He’s the squishy satan who we all love and protect

♡ And even though he doesn’t say all the time,he appreciates all of exols and loves us so much

♡ just like we love him

Originally posted by jonginssoo

Surprise

Requested By Anon

Pairings: Loki x f!Reader

Y/B/F - Your best friend


Loki has created a chatroom.

Loki has invited Y/N.

Loki: Greetings, my love. I have a surprise for you. I’m sure you’ll love it! Please wait in your room.

Y/N: Really?! Thank you! You shouldn’t have. What is it? Tell me please!

Loki: A surprise, love.

Y/N: Can’t I have a hint? Please, please, please!

Loki: Tony is going to have a fit when he sees it, that’s for sure. Ehehehehe!

Loki: I’m going to try and sneak it in. Give me 10 minutes.

Y/N: … You didn’t get me a bilgesnipe, right?

Loki: I considered it but we already have Thor, one is enough. It’s a midgardian animal however.

Y/N: DOG? CAT? BUNNY? PARROT? A STRAY CLINT?

Loki: No, my love.

Loki: At times I really do question your friendship with Barton…

Y/N: Speaking of which, he’s trying to enter the chat. What did you put the password as?

Loki: Don’t worry, he’ll never guess it.

Clint has joined the chat.

Loki: What sorcery….

Clint: Y/N WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY TEXTS

Clint: I SENT YOU MEMES THAT I NEED YOUR APPROVAL ON

Clint: I FARMED THESE MEMES MYSELF

Clint: Get it? Because I have a farm.

Clint: You… are dating Loki?

Y/N: No! Who said that?

Loki: Er, why would you think that Y/N and I are courting?

Clint:

Clint: “My love.” A private chat. Surprises! I’m deaf not blind!

Y/N: … We’re really close friends?

Clint: YOU ONLY TALK TO Y/B/F LIKE THAT!

Loki: I’m one of Y/N’s best friends?

Clint: YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH!

Clint: I’M ONE OF Y/N’S BEST FRIENDS, YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT ONE OF THEM

Clint: Also what kind of stupid password is “LokiLaufeysonIsTheFutureAndRightfulKingOfAsgardWithHisQueenY/N”?

Y/N: Really babe, really?!

Clint: Seriously judging you, Loki.

Y/N: Of all the possible passwords!

Clint: At least add numbers to make it more challenging!

Loki: It’s a good password! Thor would never guess it!

Clint: Wait, wait, wait. We’re moving off topic. Y/N, how could you not tell me you’re dating this ice sculpture?

Y/N: I was going to! I was just waiting for the right time. Please don’t tell anyone yet! They’re not going to take it well.

Clint: You’re dating a psychopath, of course they won’t!

Loki: I’m not a psychopath, I’m a highly functioning sociopath.

Clint: Don’t taint Sherlock!

Clint: So, I’m the only one who knows about this?

Loki: Yes, thank Odin.

Clint: It would be a shame

Clint: If the others found out

Y/N: DON’T YOU DARE!

Clint: If only there were donuts to keep my mouth shut

Clint: But there aren’t any…

Clint: Maybe I’ll add the team and ask them if they have any.

Y/N: How many do you want?

Clint: A DOZEN EVERY WEEK FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!

Y/N: Deal.

Y/N: Loki, love. Get Clint some donuts, please?

Loki: … Fine.

Clint: And I want to go to Asgard.

Loki: I’ll see what I can do.

Clint: I want the fancy armor too!

Loki: Of course.

Clint: And your helmet.

Loki: Absolutely not!

Clint: Let’s ask the team how they’re doing, shall we?

Y/N: I hate you.

Clint: Love you too, Y/N.

Loki: The helmet is yours but nothing else! Do we have a deal?

Clint: Deal. Remember, hurt my lovely Y/N and you will regret it!

Thor has joined the chat.

Loki: NO!

Clint: I didn’t tell him.

Thor: Brother! You are courting Lady Y/N?!

Y/N: It’s a good password, you said. Thor would never guess it, you said.

Thor: How could you keep this from me! We are family!

Thor: Did you think I would not be happy for you?

Loki: Do you approve?!

Thor: Of course I do! Lady Y/N is a wonderful person, I could think of no one else better than her for you. Hearty congratulations brother!

Loki: I am surprised… Thank you… Brother.

Thor: But Lady Y/N, I must offer my most sincere and heartfelt apologies to you as my brother is far from wonderful.

Loki: Outrageous!

Y/N: Don’t worry, Thoreo! Loki has been a marvelous boyfriend.

Clint: So far… And when he messes up, I will be there to fight him.

Loki: Why do you have a cute nickname for Thor…?

Loki: And dammit, Barton! I love Y/N. I would NEVER hurt her.

Thor: We must celebrate! I shall ask Stark to take us to one of the finest dining places on Midgard.

Y/N: THOREO NO

Loki: YOU OAF, DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW!

Thor has added Tony.

Thor:

Thor: Better now than never!

Thor has left the chat.

Loki: FOOL!

Clint: I’m still getting my donuts despite Tony knowing, right?

Tony: what

Tony: is

Tony: THIS

Loki: … A chat?

Y/N: …. Surprise!

Tony: Did you cast a spell on Y/N? Is it blackmail? Y/N you can tell me!

Y/N: Tony. I know this must be hard to accept but… Loki and I are in love.

Tony: MY ARC REACTOR HURTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

Y/N: He’s no longer the man who tried to take over New York and who threw you off a building. Give him a chance, please!

Loki: My love, I know that you are trying to resolve the situation, but perhaps try not to mention my past misdeeds?

Clint: Are we at the part where Tony shoots him with his little blasty things?

Tony has added Natasha, Steve, Bruce.

Clint: We’re all going to kick his ass? I’ll get my bow.

Loki: I thought you were on our side, Barton!

Clint: I still didn’t get my donuts.

Tony: Steve, do something!!

Natasha: I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I think their relationship is good.

Y/N: But Nat, you just found out?

Natasha: I’m a spy, remember?

Tony: Don’t… encourage them!

Natasha: Ever since they started dating, Loki has been nicer, more kind. Less creepy and evil. Which is really good for us.

Steve: Natasha has a point. I don’t think Loki would jeopardize his relationship with Y/N by trying to take over the world and he seems to love her a lot, I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt or upset her.

Tony: HAVE YOU PEOPLE GONE MAD?!

Clint: … Tony. I think we’ve entered an alternate dimension.

Y/N: Stevie, you’re taking this really well…

Loki: Stevie…?

Steve: Natasha told me about you and Loki as soon as you two started dating.

Clint: BUT NOT ME??????????

Y/N: Awwww you guys, you knew this whole time and didn’t make a big deal about it unlike a certain bird and billionaire here. Thank you Nat and Stevie <3

Steve: Oh I’m trying my best not to punch Loki.

Nat: Not a day goes by when I don’t want to shoot him.

Loki: I can’t blame them.

Steve: But he makes you happy.

Nat: And you make him a better person, so we grudgingly approve.

Loki: Banner, you’re more quiet than usual…

Bruce: I’m just thinking.

Loki: About?

Tony: He’s trying to think of ALL THE WAYS TO HURT YOU IF YOU HURT Y/N!

Bruce: Tony is right.

Loki: I will gladly accept becoming one with the floor if I dare hurt Y/N, which I would never.

Bruce: Excellent.

Y/N: Soooooooo, now that everyone knows, can you all leave?

Clint: NEVER!

Tony: WE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU TWO PRIVACY AFTER THIS!

Y/N: …

Y/N: Love, did you uh, manage to bring in my surprise?

Loki: Oh yes, ehehehehehehehehe.

Steve: When he laughs/types like that, it means he’s up to something bad.

Loki: I’m feeding it first and then I’ll bring it up to your room.

Tony: What surprise?

Tony: Feeding it?!

Tony: Look, we have enough strays. We took in Loki and Bucky, we can’t take in more.

Nat: What is it?

Bruce: I’m kinda curious too. Spill.

Scott has joined the chat.

Scott: WHY DOES LOKI HAVE A LEMUR

Scott: A LEMUR

Scott: LEMUR

Scott: WHY

Scott: Also, gross. Y/N, why him?

Y/N: OMG

Y/N: DARLING, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!

Y/N: NO SERIOUSLY, I’M QUITE CONFLICTED ABOUT THIS

Loki: I remembered how after watching that movie… Madagascar? You said you thought the lemur was cute. Do you not like it?

Clint: Can I pet it?!

Tony: NO WILD ANIMALS IN ME BASE

Tony: My*

Scott: THIS LEMUR DOES NOT LIKE ME

Scott: I swear it wants to start a fight

Scott:

Scott: DO YOU THINK I’M LYING

Scott: AIFPHWEH G GNLKREG

Scott has been disconnected.

Y/N: Is he okay?!

Loki: It attacked him.

Natasha: … I’m not breaking that fight up.

Clint: Who shall come out as the victor? Scott or King Julien II?

Bruce: Probably the lemur.

Tony: I guess we can keep the lemur? Just make sure to keep it out of the lab and my room.

Tony has left the chat.

Steve: I should help Scott…

Steve has left the chat.

Loki: What shall we name him, love?

Clint: I’VE ALREADY NAMED HIM

Y/N: Clint’s name is good.

Loki: Alright, we shall name him Clint.

Y/N: No, I meant King Julien II

Loki: Ehehehe Clint it is!

Clint: .. I’m kinda touched, not gonna lie. Clint Jr. So cute.

Loki: Oh.

Bruce: So now we have a lemur, a raccoon, a hawk, an ant, two spiders, a panther and a falcon.

Bruce: … Can we get a penguin next? 

Natasha: No.

Bruce: Please?

Natasha has left the chat.

Bruce has left the chat.

Clint: What a great day.

Clint has left the chat. 

Loki: Finally! I thought they’d never leave.

Y/N: If you’re done settling in Clint Jr. can you come to my room where I’ve been waiting for the past 20 minutes for you?

Loki: To thank me, I presume? ;)

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: ewwwww.

Sam has added Bucky.

Bucky: ewwwwwww.

Loki: STOP IT, YOU IMBECILES!

Sam: OF ALL THE HUNKS ON THIS TEAM,

Bucky: YOU CHOOSE HIM?

Sam: I’m insulted, Y/N.

Bucky: If you ever break up with him Y/N, you know where to find me.

Sam: And me.

Sam has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

Loki: Would you be upset if I set Clint Jr. upon them?

Y/N: Yes.

Loki: Consider it, please.

Loki: Clint Jr. has stopped his attack on the bug man. See you soon, love.

Y/N has left the chat.

Loki has left the chat.

Vision has joined the chat.

Vision:

Vision has left the chat.

So, I just called one of my close friends an unrepentant fucker and it got me thinking about Humans being Space Orcs. What if there are aliens with no concept of banter? Their positive communication is positive communication and their negative communication is negative communication. Then include the other Humans being Space Orcs posts about aliens being afraid of human capability and aggression.

So what you get is two humans in a group of aliens goofing off and having fun and getting to know each-other’s cultures. Then Terry makes a terrible joke about penguins, Fatima calls him a lame-ass and suddenly the aliens of the group draw to the corner of the room, half of them twitching in worry at the ensuing fight that’s about to break out and the other half taking bets whether Fatima can take down Terry within the next two minutes. The two humans explain that sometimes human beings insult each-other out of affection, much to the confusion of the alien species.

Finally, after they’ve grasped the fact that Fatima and Terry are not going to engage each-other in a death match, the aliens go off to spread this concept of “banter” to those of their society who do the most dealings with humans. This is begrudging, of course, because now they have to know human body language well enough for context clues, apparently, and all those facial contortions look the same to a species which communicates emotion through their antennae.

anonymous asked:

Okay but i swear to you i will sacrifice my entire being for someone to write that pens!bitty fic or one shot. I need like air

(Alright, you monsters, I did this one, but I’m not great with RPF so this is probs it for Pens!Bitty <3  tw for concussion)

A sprained ankle here, a blown ACL there, and Bitty’s on the Penguins starting line flanking Sidney Crosby like it’s nothing. Like it’s no big deal he’s racking up assists left and right for the man who is going to displace two of Bad Bob’s career records this season. Like Eric didn’t have a debilitating fear of physical contact less than five years ago and is now playing for a team defending a championship title.

From behind, Sid looks like Jack. Or at least he has Jack’s ass, which is a hell of a thing to realize after being slammed into the boards. He’s disoriented enough to ask, “Jack?” when his captain skates up to check on him.

“Bittle, you okay?“

Eric blinks and the illusion is gone. No Jack, no Samwell, just the Pittsburgh Penguins beating the snot out of the New Jersey Devils. And the Devils beating the snot out of Eric.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Eric says, pulling himself to his feet and blinking through a blossoming headache. “You know you look a lot like Jack Zimmermann from behind?”

“Better not be a crack about my ass, Bittle,” Crosby elbows him lightly, herding him back to the bench.

Aboot,” Eric echoes, “I wouldn’t joke about your ass, Captain. Special kind of cheek meat.“ 

That didn’t come out right…and why are the lights so bright? Are they always this bright?

Crosby slides to a stop and Eric bumps right into him. “You sure you aren’t concussed?” Though he’s asking, Eric can clearly see Sid waving over a trainer. Eric takes a moment to reflect on his situation, what he’s just said to his teammate.

“No, but you really look like my boyfriend.”

“You just said I look like Zimmermann.”

“I know. Jack Zimmermann looks like my boyfriend.”

Crosby connects invisible dots in midair with his finger. “I look like Jack Zimmermann, who looks like your boyfriend, who looks like me.”

“Yes. No?”  That sounds right. Kinda.

“Bittle. Do I look like your boyfriend from behind?”

Eric nods, even though the motion makes his world tilt sideways.

“I look like your boyfriend, Jack Zimmermann, from behind.”

“Yes.” Wait. That’s a secret. “Shit, that’s a secret.”

“Fuck, yeah, you’re sitting this period out, buddy.”

Malkin slides up beside Crosby and gives Eric a once over. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Got his bell rung, thinks I’m his boyfriend.” Crosby slaps the rail twice with his glove and shoots Eric a wink. A couple of the boys whistle and holler while the trainer shines a light in Eric’s eyes. The part of Eric’s brain still functioning properly is probably really upset right now.

“I don’t think it’s a concussion, he’s just dazed.”

“I’m ready to go in, coach, just give me a chance.” Eric jokes, though no one laughs. “Ace Ventura? No?”

The arena turns sideways along with Eric’s stomach and he burps wetly. Sullivan makes a face and says something to the trainer and just like that Eric is being directed to the locker room for further examination.

Eric hopes this makes for a really funny story later.