the twelve steps

You're asexual? But...

“but sex is what makes us human!”

 

in 1916 a French officer in his twenties writes his

doctoral dissertation under

heavy mortar fire.

he sends it by mail, a page

at a time, to his wife.

a week before he’s to step up to the podium and

defend his work rather than hiscountry

he is killed in action.

even as the bullets rip

through him he still wishes he could have become a professor

in French literature and

the university awards him a posthumous Ph.D.

sex is

 

a woman breaks down in tears on the phone because

a week is not enough time to

get over a breakup.

her sister drives an hour across town,

comes up the front steps with

a gallon of ice cream and somebeer

and together they eat moose tracks and marathon

every

single

Godzilla movie

ever made.

 

sex is

she’s late for work but her car isn’t

starting and even through her coat and hat she’s cold.

she knows she can’t be late again because she’s missed

one time too many already because her

father’s nurse was sick with the flu and someone

needed to help him bathe.

the clock ticks past fifteen after and she hits

the wheel like it’s a heavy bag as though that will help

steps on the gas like the car will go

and wonders how she will pay rent

and how she will feed her father.

sex is

 

it takes three people to hold the predator down because

even with the cover over his head

a bleeding eye and shattered wing

he is trying to hurt them.

none of them have seen this bird before in their lives but

they bandage his wing and head and give him a painkiller and

put him in a warm place to sleep and heal because

it is right.

at first he is paralyzed and cannot

fly but soon he is taking steps

and then fluttering, and then soaring, and

six months later he is whole and healed and hunting.

once he is gone they never see him again

which means they’ve done their jobs right.

sex is

 

in 1969 a girl watches grey-and-white footage on her parents’ tiny television and

can’t quite believe that what she is seeing is not a movie set but

another planet.

the men on the screen look a little like

aliens with bulbous heads and no faces and fat

marshmallow arms

but they are still men.

her mother puffs on a cigarette behind her and declares that

this is progress

even if it was just a small step.

the girl grows up to be not an astronaut but a secretary

and her boss calls her ‘sweetheart’.

but sex is

 

a boy is taught that real men don’t cry so

he doesn’t.

when his best friend dies from a self-inflicted

gunshot wound, he locks himself

in the shower every day and sobs under scalding

water until it runs cold

so nobody will see him grieving

so nobody will see that tears are just love that

has no place left to go.

he learns to dull love rather than suppress its expression and

soon the owner of the liquor store knows him by name.

three DUIs, two evictions, and twelve steps later,

he is feeding people at a homeless shelter,

and telling them it’s all right to cry.

Sex is

 

the broken man tells the comedian

that he didn’t mean to step in front of the car but the rain

made it hard to see.

he seems okay but his leg

does not.

the comedian clutches a grubby receipt with the driver’s

plate number scrawled on the back

in pink pen, stands out in the rain so the broken man

can have his umbrella,

and gives him the comedy routine that ruined his career

so the man doesn’t think about the pain in his leg.

once he’s out of the hospital, the fixed man sends him a thank-you card

with kittens on it.

what makes us human

 

yawning is contagious,

and there is a species of bird whose young we call “pufflings”.

melodic collections of sound, spaced by silence,

can move us to tears.

the tallest building in the world is

two-thousand seven-hundred and seventeen feet tall.

in less than eighty years we went from our first powered flight

to touching the moon,

and in one-hundred from the first phone call

to instantaneous connection between thinking machines of our own creation.

we make pies out of tree organs

and let cow’s milk ferment until it hardens and then

we put them together, because apple pie with cheddar cheese is delicious.

what makes us human is

the earliest fossils of anatomically modern humans are

two-hundred thousand years old .

we have had pet dogs

for sixteen-thousand of those years, longer

than corn

or the wheel.

the steps we take are part of

one of the most energy-efficient gaits the

animal kingdom has ever seen.

we invented the concepts of love

and hate

and justice, and mercy

and we invented the language to convey them.

we sharpened rocks, then metal, to convince other people

who don’t hold the same idea of those things as we do

because we think

it’s right.

we are two hundred millennia of love and disappointment and

sorrow and innovation and

mercy and kindness and dreams

and failure

and recovery.

but sex is what makes us human.

When you learn about yourself, watch yourself, watch the way you walk, how you eat, what you say, the gossip, the hate, the jealousy – if you are aware of all of that in yourself, without any choice, that is part of meditation.
—  Krishnamurti

One day, I hope I’ll be able to write exposition half as good as this…

Progress, not perfection.
—  Twelve-Step saying
dear best friend;

i am sorry i fell in love with you
i am sorry for not accepting your rejections
i am sorry for being so suicidal when all you do is care

you are a flame i scorched myself on
desperate to feel again after she broke my heart
& i wanted to love you harder than ever
yet you took my hand & sugarcoated “no”
in the sweetest way i had ever heard

you are a dream-catcher above my bed
lulling me to sleep, knowing that i might not be okay
but you still tend to my wounds, no matter how old
& i swamp you with unsolvable problems
yet you still find solutions to cure the ailments

i am sorry i’ve been a terrible friend
an itch you can’t scratch, a scar you can’t heal
i am sorry that i couldn’t be someone you wanted
a beautiful & loving piece to fit inside your broken heart

you are an escape, a field of wildflowers to lay in
after a long night of wiping my tears on pillowcases
& your gentle hands caress my head & promise me
it’ll be okay, someday, somewhere, when i’m finally free

you are the best friend i never had
& i can’t express myself enough in words
just how special that place in my chest for you is
a golden city for a golden boy who truly understands
what it means to be a human being to someone like me

a safe space for me to let go of my armor & let the oceans flow


twelve step program / making amends / letter eight

do you need help with the effects of abuse?

we talk a lot on tumblr about tagging triggers, and being triggered, but we don’t talk a lot about how to be free of our triggers. 

we talk a lot about feeling suicidal, and joke a lot about wanting to die, but we don’t talk a lot about how to feel safe being alive, worthy of being alive. happy, joyous, free. 

we talk a lot about having zero self-worth, and depending on other people for any self-esteem or validation, and thinking we are a burden on others, and repelling them and avoiding intimacy and avoiding confrontation and all of the other ways we try to control all the things that make us feel threatened. and i can say that cause I have totally one million percent been there. all of this. 

but. for most of us, the adults in our lives were supposed to teach us how to cope in a healthy way, and instead they, maybe unintentionally, fucked up our ability to cope with even seemingly minor things? 

so we have to help each other. so this is what we’re gonna do. 

the reason mod R and I started this group is because the twelve steps have helped us so incredibly much with all of the above. with, basically, cleaning up all of the damage that has been done to us, (and the damage we’ve done to ourselves in the aftermath), so that our trauma is no longer driving everything.

trauma is like driving a car that has really messed-up alignment and suspension. the car looks fine, but it pulls and swerves in horrible ways and jolts you really hard when you even go over a little crack in the road. 

so we’re gonna do a step workshop! right here on this tumblr. and that will take you through the 12 things that you can do, that will fix that alignment and suspension. 

basically: we will post information and instructions for each step. you don’t HAVE to do anything, we’re just showing you what has helped us. if you want to work the steps, message us and we’ll help, because there are a couple of parts that you do with another person. 

you can totally create a new account or a sideblog so that anything you ask here isn’t connected with your main. you are also of course welcome to just read and ask questions. 

answers to questions like what is asa, is it religious (no), who can be in asa, what kind of abuse “counts” (anything), and how does this group work can be found at these links.

please signal boost!  

- mod D

“Vacations are rare for the Waynes” - Batmom x Batfam

Here’s a little collection of short stories about the Batfamily going to the beach/being in vacation ! I kinda just had ideas for tiny little snippets rather than a story that was a long one and made sense…it’s bad. Hope you’ll like it : 

PART 1

my masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

_________________________________________________

How did the Wayne found time to go on vacation ?  

God bless Batwoman, Batgirl, Jim Gordon…And everyone who joined in helping the Batfamily over the years, because thanks to them, you, your husband, kids and beloved butler were FINALLY able to take some times off. 

A few years ago, leaving Gotham for vacations would have been a big no-no for Bruce, and you always understood, you really did. Hell, you had trouble leaving the Bat computer behind…But ever since he got new allies that weren’t direct family, things got easier. 

They all were able, since a long time now, to take at least one night off during the week and such. But actually full on holidays ? Oh that didn’t happen in…in…in forever ! 

The only holiday you went on with Bruce was without the kids, and it was for your Honeymoon. Three days. Three days of pure bliss (and lots of sex).

And now, the opportunity to be all together for A FULL WEEK came up ! 

It all started because Tim got injured pretty bad, but still wanted to go on patrol…and you lost your shit. You were always supportive of their nightly activities (though worried sick as well), and you were monitoring the bat computer almost every night, when you didn’t have “date night” with Bruce or “mother/son bonding time” with one of your boys ! 

You were really understanding, and you too wanted Gotham to be a safe place, having had the same kind of background than Bruce…But hell if you were going to let one of your babies go out in the streets while he was badly injured !

With your famous “Batmom Glare” and a stern voice, you told Tim : 

-You’re not going. You’re taking some vacation my boy, to relax and be fully charged again. In fact, we’re all taking a vacation ! 

…It kinda just happened. You were mad, they didn’t want to make you angry (you were scary when angry), and it was true that…All of them wanted well deserved time off. 

And it was decided. A week far away from the murkiness, grittiness, darkness that was Gotham, in the sunny Bahamas. Perfect. 

Of course, Bruce made sure that coming back to the city fast was possible, and also made sure to brief all of the Batpeople on anything that could happen but…He also really wanted to go. He wasn’t getting any younger and though he’d never admit it your little burst of anger was a blessing for him too. 

You all needed time away. Oh yes. And though you also made sure Gotham would be in safe hands (anyway, villains got pretty calm lately), you left without hesitation ! TO THE BAHAMAS !! 

Keep reading

🔥’T.O.P WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU’: SMUT LISTING (in honor of his enlisting; to be updated)🔥

Originally posted by taeyangspecs

Ok, so apparently it’s official. February 9, 2017 will be T.O.P’s (Choi Seunghyun from BIGBANG) enlisting date

We will miss Daddy Long Legs, so I was talking to my friend Becca from @chanyeolspout and we’ll be making a listing of quality T.O.P smut (or simply sensual fanfics, explicit or not), to help us endure the long and lonely nights time away from him. 

You are more than welcome to contribute to this listing, you can send me stories (ask or chat) and I’ll add them here (same as my Female Dom listing). So… that’s it my naughty children, get in my lap and I’ll try to soothe your pain and longing away, at least a tiny bit. The way I know best. 

In Becca’s words: “When 2 filthy minds get together, this happens… hit that Love button so you can tap your love button after 17-02-09…. “

The list is in alphabetical order from the writer’s URL. 

Originally posted by jiyongs-g-thong

🔥 @bigbangscenario (Directory)

  1. T.O.P + Game
  2. T.O.P + Suit
  3. T.O.P. + Ties

🔥 @chanyeolspout (Masterlist)

  1. No BS, No Lies
  2. Dry Cleaning
  3. Here Comes The Bride

🔥 @eureka-its-zico (Masterlist)

  1. Chair Play
  2. You Like?

🔥 @iq-biased (Masterlist)

  1. Enlistment | Part 1 | Part 2 |
  2. “You know I love you right? I have every intention of fucking you like I don’t.”
  3. Threesome
  4. T.O.P/ Car/ Riding Him 

🔥 @kpopbrowniefics (Masterlist)

  1. We Always do This

🔥 @k-p-p-d  (Masterlist)

  1. Eyes on Me 
  2. Sharing is Caring, Right?

🔥 @loveandturmoil87

  1. Dinner With Friends (Part 1) | Dinner With Friends (Part 2) 

🔥 @sindrafalcone (Masterlist)

  1. Eat You Up
  2. Just What I’ve Always Wanted
  3. The Nanny | The Girlfriend | The Wife (not all chapters have smut, but it’s a great story, read the first chapters in The Nanny, then the others).

🔥 @smutfictionaddicted (Masterpost)

  1. Anything For You (Christmas Drabble)
  2. Birthday Present
  3. Demon Seunghyun (Halloween Drabble) 
  4. Twelve Steps to Pleasure
  5. The Little Mermaid
  6. Wish Upon a Star

🔥 @tabi-ears (Masterlist)

  1. Let’s Not Fall In Love

🔥 @waitinginthedarke (Masterlist)

  1. You should be nice to me… it’s my birthday 
  2. Act like nothing’s wrong

🔥 @xiuminsm (Masterlist)

  1. Added Bonus
  2. Come, Explore

Originally posted by sexykoreanman

✰ * º ❛   that 70′s show sentence starters   ❜

‘  you know what your problem is? i’m too good looking.  ’
‘  god, what did you have for breakfast this morning? carnation instant bitch?  ’
‘  oh, is this what we’re gonna do today, we’re gonna fight?  ’
‘  because you’re breaking up the band, yoko!  ’
‘  an apple? where’s my candy, you son of a bitch.  ’
‘  she told me she loves me and then i told her i loved cake…  ’
‘  how’d you’d like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?  ’
‘  look, if i could run across the beach into my own arms, i would.  ’
‘  you know he never liked phones. he said he could hear voices in ‘em.  ’
‘  when my time comes, i wanna be buried facedown so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.  ’
‘  you know what your problem is? you’re really cute… so no one ever told you to shut your pie hole.  ’
‘  god, we are such the… perfect couple?  ’
‘  you’re cold? well damn, i can’t control the weather!  ’
‘  the gym, or as i like to call it, the institute of things i can’t do.  ’
‘  well, i’d like to help but… not as much as i’d like not to.  ’
‘  don’t put me in your fantasies. i don’t even like being in your real life.  ’
‘  i don’t like people. i like rock n’ roll, sex, and pizza – in that order.  ’
‘  i’m not loving anybody that i’m not legally required to.  ’
‘  and if somebody doesn’t tell me i’m cute in the next five minutes, i’m gonna scream!  ’
‘  don’t hate me because i’m beautiful.  ’
‘  i can’t count on much in this crazy world, but i can always count on you.  ’
‘  i’m going to go out, meet some boys and crush their hearts one by one.  ’
‘  where zen ends, ass kicking begins.  ’
‘  you guys are fighting like cats and whores.  ’
‘  cake is good, but you cannot have sex with cake.  ’
‘  well, my head says no, but my heart says no.  ’
‘  the three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and hollywood.  ’
‘  hey man, if you don’t get caught, everything’s legal.  ’
‘  yeah, but god didn’t see that. i was in my van, and he can’t see through lead.  ’
‘  college is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.  ’
‘  college is for women who don’t want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children.  ’
‘  i was never happy. i was just less pissed off.  ’
‘  sometimes when i’m alone, i just love to cuddle.  ’
‘  i have a definite opinion on this… i don’t care.  ’
‘  when he’s unhappy, i know our relationship is in good shape.  ’
‘  all right, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass.  ’
‘  that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.  ’
‘  we have some breaking news: i’m toasted.  ’
‘  but i don’t want to go outside. there are people out there.  ’
‘  oh, please. i’m a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-assed son of a bitch.  ’
‘  no, i’m not pouting. that would upset our routine. god knows i wouldn’t want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything.  ’
‘  i’ve just decided being sad is a waste of my time.  ’
‘  he called me ugly on the inside and the outside. i’m sorry, but he’s just wrong about the outside part.  ’
‘  i don’t really cook much. i just plan on getting by on my looks.  ’
‘  no, no, no, you just don’t move on from me. i’m like alcohol. you need a twelve-step program to break my smell.  ’
‘  you know, being here under the stars, sitting on the grass makes me really glad i’m not poor.  ’
‘  the person i love the most is me!  ’
‘  i was voted most popular, best legs, and now godmother? what can’t i do?  ’
‘  why am i alone and all of you less attractive people are happy?  ’
‘  it’s better to have loved and loss than to be butt ugly.  ’
‘  okay, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: everyone loves me.  ’
‘  why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?  ’
‘  i got a lot of free time. i mainly use it to nap and cry.  ’
‘  i’ll just curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes.  ’
‘  have you been in bed all day?  ’
‘  last night i only slept like… nine hours.  ’
‘  i pity you because you’re dumb.  ’
‘  responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted.  ’
‘  they want to kill rock n’ roll because they know it makes us horny, man.  ’
‘  i would love car sex… or just sex… or just a car.  ’
‘  no, i don’t feel bad. i don’t feel anything.  ’
‘  man, think about it. we hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends… i live for days like this!  ’
‘  it’s like we’re too old to trick or treat and too young to die.  ’
‘  talking isn’t gonna help me, okay? what’s gonna help me is, like, drinking.  ’
‘  hey, yeah, that’s the worst idea i’ve ever heard!  ’
‘  i wish i was an octopus.  ’
‘  thanks, but i’ve gotta go to sleep because i have a big day of misery ahead of me.  ’
‘  life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.  ’
‘  well, for your information, i’m already sorry i was ever born.  ’
‘  i don’t have a hickey. i was using a curling iron.  ’
‘  give me a reason why i shouldn’t set you on fire.  ’
‘  i’m a hottie, you’re a nottie.  ’
‘  prison is not an option for me, okay? i can’t pee in front of other people.  ’
‘  man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.  ’
‘  oh, no. now i have to act normal.  ’
‘  oh, i just remembered i can’t loan it to you on account of i hate you.  ’
‘  i’ve been diagnosed with a disease that makes me irresistible to women.  ’
‘  you know what the best thing god ever did was? boobs.  ’
‘  i’m like ketchup. i go good on everything!  ’
‘  when we were about to fool around and i said that i washed my hands, but i really just got done playing with like six dogs.  ’
‘  there’s a rabbit stuck in a tree and i want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.  ’
‘  if this is about maturity then i want nothing to do with it.  ’
‘  a wedding without a trampoline? that’s crazy talk.  ’
‘  i don’t wanna blink ‘cause i’m afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.  ’
‘  you seem normal around your family, but out in the real world, you’re kinda nuts.  ’
‘  i could get arrested. i could go to girl prison. this freakin’ rocks!  ’
‘  my parents are fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides, but i can’t because they’re both idiots.  ’
‘  why would sally sell seashells down by the seashore? i mean, that’s a terrible location for a seashell stand.  ’
‘  i’m not strong, but i know a lot of ways to destroy men emotionally.  ’
‘  i don’t have feelings for him. i just hate that bitch for making him happy.  ’
‘  i’m not jealous, i just want to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room.  ’
‘  hello, it is me, the object of your desire.  ’
‘  i’m a beautiful girl with a shrill, demanding voice. i’m pretty hard to ignore.  ’
‘  a gold digger is what these idiots call a woman who knows that love eventually wears off, but money is forever.  ’
‘  you see, a more productive use of my time is revenge.  ’
‘  i cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.  ’
‘  i don’t answer stupid questions.  ’

  • ❝  That barely covered vagina of yours deserves better than that. ❞
  • ❝  I appreciate your anger. ❞
  • ❝  Your chief complaint is not that I screwed someone; it is who I screwed. That’s what it’s about, right? ❞
  • ❝  Your issue with us is purely driven by a societal insecurity, not to mention a culturally infused female competition. My heart goes out to you ladies. ❞
  • ❝  My therapist suggested I attend a twelve step program, for recovery from a love addiction and romantic obsession… ❞
  • ❝  I cheated on you. ❞
  • ❝  You’re not an addict. You’re just a whore. ❞
  • ❝  I did let someone put a protein bar up my ass once. ❞
  • ❝  I will straight up murder you if you do not sign this immediately. ❞
  • ❝  I love kids. Kids love me. I basically am a kid. ❞
  • ❝  But I would still choose you. Possibly because you’re uninterested. Most likely because you’re stunning and successful. ❞
  • ❝  Sexual anorexia. It’s like depriving yourself of sex because of low self-esteem, or abuse or other gnarly shit. ❞
  • ❝  I’m telling you, someone’s gonna murder us if you keep screaming. ❞
  • ❝  Was this supposed to be a date? Oh shit, it was… Oh hell. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, I’m a dick. ❞
  • ❝  You’re a catch! It’s true. You know, I’m serious. You’ve got a strong vocabulary. You look dynamite in a tank top. ❞
  • ❝  You know, little girls are told someday they’ll find The One. What they don’t tell you guys is that The One might be a complete fucking dickhead with a boring heroin penis that turns you all into a sex addict. ❞
  • ❝  Some have suggested that I have a little bit of a problem staying faithful… for long periods of time… or possibly at all. ❞
  • ❝  Look, once I come to the realization that I’m with- the wrong girl, I don’t know how to end it. ❞
  • ❝  So you sabotage it by sleeping with other people. ❞
  • ❝  Then comes the big old rigmarole of like ‘you’re afraid to commit’ and it’s like 'no, I just don’t want to commit to you.’ But I can’t say that, because that’s like mean on top of mean… So instead I’d rather just say something like: 'I fucked your sister.' ❞
  • ❝  Whoa, since when are you a porn star with killer grammar? ❞
  • ❝  Look, she’s my best friend and I would say by circumstance and certainly duration, you would be my next best friend. ❞
  • ❝  It is a cascading shit storm that is your creation. ❞
  • ❝  A tremendous amount of Malcolm Gladwellian logic jumps. ❞ 
  • ❝  We’ll you’ve spent ten thousand hours fucking my life up. ❞
  • ❝  Dude get the fuck out of here, I got it. ❞
  • ❝  I appreciate your concern, Superman! Fly away. ❞
  • ❝  Baby. Just breathe will you. Okay? Will you? Here, come on, sit down. You’re gonna be okay. It’s alright, you just got to breathe. Please. Okay? Yeah. There you go. ___ , this is just fear. ❞
  • ❝  You take this risk when you start sleeping with people. You know, you risk losing them. So for me, I’ve never slept with someone I wasn’t willing to lose. Except one time. ❞
  • ❝  And it kills me that you’re probably gonna go to ___. And it kills me that I can’t ask you to stay, because I have no right to, you know. ❞
  • ❝  Welcome to the hell scape that is my son’s birthday party. ❞
  • ❝  Dude… are you really using your kid to hit on my friend? ❞
  • ❝  First part false. Second part true. ❞
  • ❝  Do not gaslight me with SAT words and sliding scale morality. ❞
  • ❝  You want to tell me about it? ❞
  • ❝  You never told him to make a choice, you know. ❞
  • ❝  Are we in love with each other? ❞
  • ❝  I love you for free. ❞
  • ❝  Unfortunately I don’t sleep with men in relationships anymore. ❞
  • ❝  I stopped cheating anyway. ❞
  • ❝  We’re getting a chance to start over. ❞
  • ❝  Goodbye forever. ❞
  • ❝  Hey, did you know they don’t have a separate jail for cool people who fucked up? There’s just one big old jail for everyone. ❞
  • ❝  I sort of beat he shit out of him. Fucked up his life a little bit. ❞
  • ❝  I just really miss you. ❞
  • ❝  Yeah, I think about you like, all the time. Even the word “think” is wrong, because I don’t actively do anything. You’re just here. ❞
  • ❝  I’d rather fail with you, than win with anyone else. ❞
  • ❝  I love hearing you say my name. ❞
  • ❝  Okay honey, you’re on speaker phone in a police station. Be very careful what you say. ❞

syrensongbird  asked:

Who's worse about spoiling the kids between Kara and Lena?

  • ok its like an even split MOSTLY like they’re both huge suckers for their kids but like…….lena is definitely worse.  like she absolutely can’t resist her kids when they rlly want something, like they get the whole pout going and it’s a lost cause she’s like ok what is it what do you need me to get for you 
    • and part of it is that they’ve all got kara’s pout/puppy eyes combo down to a science and they learn v early on that lena is helpless when it comes to that look and that in of itself is just Rude of them to exploit like rlly how is lena supposed to ever survive when she says no we’re not going to the waterpark today and then is faced with like four identical pouts how the fuck is she supposed to say no to that
      • she’s also rlly bad abt just buying every fucking toy she sees and vaguely thinks that one of the kids will like—like it kind of gets better with maia and stella (??  only a little tho and that’s mostly bc she bought a fuck ton of stuff for finn) but when finn is v little she just…..continually brings home new toys for him.  karas like hey honey sweetheart love of my life do you think that we maybe have…..enough toys for an 18 month old i stepped on twelve toys in hall alone
        • but kara this one makes animal noises
    • HERES THE EMOTIONAL PART
      • like lena can bluster abt pouting and educational toys all she wants but here’s the real reason she will never say no to her kids: she’s still super fucked up from her childhood??  and always will be and every interaction she has with her children is colored by her memories from growing up around lillian and she cant remember ever just receiving things, ever just being given toys bc she was a kid and her parents loved her, gifts always came with a price tag, a negotiation, something to be exchanged for lena’s obedience.  sometimes they were used to soothe whatever scar lillian left with her callous words, sometimes they were used to ease the hollow feeling of lionel bailing on career day at her prep school.  the reasons changed, but the fact that nothing was ever freely given didn’t
        • so yeah, she spoils the fuck out of her kids.  she showers them with presents and toys and new clothes and trips to the zoo and planetarium and amusement park bc she can, bc she wants to, bc she loves them and that’s what she tells them when they get a little older and start asking oh!  what’s this for? when she tucks a new book onto their bookcase or drops a new video game onto their bed
        • she just—she needs them to know??  she wants them to have tangible evidence, good memories tied to objects they can hold in their hands.  its silly, she knows, bc she’s so careful in the way she interacts with them and speaks to them (not like stilted??  just v thought out.  she never wants to accidentally say something that might hurt them, never wants them to think she’s anything but supportive of whatever they’re doing) but in the back of her mind she’s still thinking about never feeling like she could trust any gift her parents gave her and she loves the fact that her kids can, that her kids do, that they know that she loves them regardless of the presents, the she loves them even if she misses a soccer practice or has grounded them, that they’re so secure in her love for them that they snap at her and argue with her, that there’s like??  no fear that she’s ever going to reject them, that they know they can do anything and she will always always always still love them, that if they kill someone she will hide the body and take the blame, no hesitation
          • go big or go home lmao
  • ANYWAYS IM CRYING
dear future soulmate(s);

i am sorry if i act crazy or defensive
or if i curl up in sadness or fear
i am sorry for random outbursts & silent nights
i am sorry for being too cozy or too detached
i am sorry if i still hurt myself intentionally
i am sorry if i tell you i am fine when we both know i’m not

i am a wild card & i am depression

i forgot what happiness tasted like
so i’ll need you to kiss me every moment you have
i forgot how sunshine feels in my veins
so i’ll need you to touch me when i ask you to

i am sorry if i seem distant in another world
or when my eyes turn to glass
etch me a poem on my skin with your fingers
& i’ll melt in your touch

i am sorry if i am too needy
i have been alone for way too long
i am sorry if the bad nights are too often & the good nights too little
i am diseased with my own mind
& i can’t ever keep it together

i am sorry if it doesn’t seem i love you
but i will love you always
even when i ask to be alone to cry
or when i ask you to curl in bed with me

my love shows in many forms
even in the darkening silence, it’s there, whispering to you
you need a patient ear & an open heart
i will put every ounce of effort into you
& i do not expect it in return, for i am too forgiving & selfless

i will write you poetry & sing you to sleep
i will dream of you when i am sad & miss you when you are gone
i will protect your heart inside of mine
with no promises kept on your end

i am sorry if you say i’m not good enough this time
i am sorry if it feels like i didn’t try my best

but i promise to always try
as long as you’ll let me


twelve step program / making amends / letter eleven / final forgiveness

Lost in Paradise (m)

Summary: The Summer Court is an eternal place of warmth and beauty. Deep within this court, past the grass and hills, lies a small cave full of flowers and fresh water. It is this cave, this paradise, which brings you and Yoongi together.
Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
Genre: fluff, angst, smut || summer faeire au
Warning: small scene featuring heat play
Word Count: 12,480 (final 2,000 is basically smut)
A/N: You do not have to read Trick or True to understand this one however, Jungkook is mentioned in passing. Inspired by the Iron king by Julie Kagawa. All credit for photo goes to the bighit official site.
➢  Tales from the Land of Fey Series Masterlist


The very first time you set eyes on Min Yoongi is on a summer day much like any other in the lands of the Summer Court; the sun bares down from its place in the center of the pale, blue sky, it’s rays hot and sweltering yet oddly comforting. Familiar, almost, to those who have grown up and lived each day in this Court of eternal summer.

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