the truth about honesty

“I don’t want him to feel different”

I’ve encountered a lot of parents and professionals who are reluctant to talk to disabled children about their disabilities.

People often believe that children with disabilities are innocent, and that they can protect their innocence with silence. They express concerns along the lines of “I don’t want him to think something is wrong with him,” or “I don’t want her to feel different,” or “I don’t want them to feel bad about themself.”

You can’t protect disabled kids this way. They know that they are different, and they know that this difference is perceived negatively.

Some examples of how kids figure out that they are different:

  • Kids watch what other kids do.
  • Typically developing younger siblings develop skills that they still haven’t mastered and may never master. They notice. They also notice how their parents react to this.
  • Kids with disabilities often see other kids their age doing something that looks fun, try to join in, and find that they can’t keep up. They notice, and they have feelings about this.
  • They also notice when other kids think they’re weird or boring and avoid them.
  • If they go to a special education program, they notice that other kids don’t take the short bus to school (and they hear what other kids say about the short bus, or they see it in their body language.)
  • They also notice that their school is really different from schools on TV and in stories.
  • All the kids their age on TV and in stories can do things that they can’t do. They notice.
  • Disabled kids often struggle to understand something that’s clear to everyone else in the room. They notice that this happens a lot.
  • Kids with disabilities get called the r-word, or the moral equivalent. 
  • Adults expect them to do things that they can’t on a regular basis. Other kids their age can. Adults are disappointed or angry. They notice.
  • Kids notice when they have to go to therapy and other kids don’t.
  • Kids notice when doctors hold them down for painful procedures while they struggle and cry. They notice that this doesn’t happen to kids in stories and that it’s not in any of the books about being a kid.
  • They notice that they have a lot of tests and that they’re talked to in ways that other kids aren’t.
  • They are often required to follow rules that other kids don’t have to follow. They notice that, too.
  • Parents talk about how tired, scared, and overwhelmed they are by their child’s needs or navigating the systems. Kids overhear. 
  • Many kids also eventually overhear the name of their condition and google it. 
  • And any number of other things.

Your silence doesn’t protect them from any of these experiences; it just isolates them. Kids are already bearing the pain of disability and of other people’s reactions to their disability. If no one will talk to them about it, they are also very, very alone. You can’t protect their innocence; you can break the silence that isolates them.

How Do I Make My Relationship Great?

No relationship is perfect all the time; it takes effort. There are many things you can do to help build a healthy relationship, but you can’t do it alone.

Here are our top 10 tips for a healthier relationship:

  1. Love yourself. You’ll be a happier partner. Know your own strengths and be proud of them. Take care of yourself, including your emotional health.
  2. Share your feelings and listen to your partner’s. If you’re upset or concerned, talk about it. Working through difficult situations builds trust and helps make relationships stronger.
  3. Be honest and expect honesty. Be truthful about what you do, think, and feel.
  4. If you want to know what’s on your partner’s mind, ask. Be ready to listen to what they have to say, and don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
  5. Spend time on your own and encourage your partner to do the same. Sometimes people think true love means spending all of your time together. But it’s actually healthier to spend some of your time with different people. That way you can grow as individuals, and have meaningful relationships with friends and family too.
  6. It’s OK to have disagreements. Partners often have different desires, opinions, and ideas. Everyone has the right to think differently. Make sure you respect each other’s unique points of view.
  7. Forgive. Even in a healthy relationship, no one’s perfect — making mistakes is a normal part of life. Apologizing and forgiving helps you move on, and holding grudges isn’t healthy.
  8. Help your partner(s) feel good about themselves and expect the same in return. Acknowledge each other’s efforts and accomplishments.
  9. Talk openly and honestly about sex. This is the only way your partner(s) will know what’s comfortable for you and what gives you pleasure. Make sure you have each other’s consent every time, and never pressure, guilt-trip, or pester.
  10. Take care of your sexual health. In a healthy relationship, partners protect each other’s sexual health. Getting tested for STDs and having safer sex are important. Make an appointment at your local Planned Parenthood health center to get birth control and/or STD testing.
I don’t want to fall in love. Because I know once I fall for someone, every word I write will be for them. My words will be my written heart for her. And I’ll look at my old writings and see that there’s a hint of her in them. It scares me to think of falling in love… Because I know I’ll never suffer from writer’s block ever again. Because I know if I ever fall in love, I’ll spend every day and every night deciphering my heartbeats into words for her to know how much I love her. So yeah, love? Fuck that.
—  Oko Ninjah (no love for me, bartender)

so i saw cacw again today and it broke my heart even more this time around

  • i am still 110% team iron man/pro-accords
  • if tony stark ever has a child he’s going to be both the coolest and most embarrassing dad in history but i love his relationship with peter (and with harley in im3) and i want more
  • yeah i’m still not okay with the heart attack foreshadowing like AT ALL
  • natasha trying to keep her found family together was heartbreaking ugh
    • all the green and purple was great tho, a+++
  • oh my god steve’s levels of arrogance and self-righteousness and hypocrisy frustrate me so much? like NO steve you do not know better than over 100 countries and NO you should not have the right to ignore international borders and leave mass destruction in your wake, NO you do not get to keep the identity of howard and maria’s murderer from their son while preaching about the importance of honesty and truth and trust??
  • “he killed my mom” like i’m sorry but that line killed me
  • i really feel like that fight was the end of tony and steve’s friendship, i don’t see them—tony specifically—ever coming back from it
    • like sure steve’s all like “here’s a (non)apology and a cellphone” but i just…can’t see tony ever trusting him again, like he genuinely believed steve was going to kill him at the end of their fight
  • i love tony’s friendships with rhodey and natasha so so much
  • where did natasha and sharon and clint and wanda and scott and sam end up? i’m assuming that team cap is in wakanda with steve (lol way to put your kids first, clint and scott), but are nat and sharon on the run together? are they at the farm with laura and the kids? or hiding out with fury? is tony going to get nat cleared?
  • idk i mean it breaks my heart but i still can’t figure out if i liked it or not?
Communication

“When we talk about communication in polyamory, we’re actually talking about a very specific type of communication: speaking the truth about ourselves, our needs and our boundaries with honesty and precision, and listening with grace when our partners speak of themselves, their needs and their boundaries. This kind of communication isn’t really about words. It’s about vulnerability, self-knowledge, integrity, empathy, compassion and a whole lot of other things.”

Telling the truth about yourself is often one of the most dangerous things a person can do. Take care not to judge people too harshly for lying, for putting up a false front or wearing a mask. They might not have any other option. You don’t know what they are hiding, and there might be a good reason why it’s important to them that you don’t find out. Lying isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s all that keeps people alive.

Exposure to truth changes your life, period. Whether that truth is a revelation about personal honesty and integrity, or a divine revelation that reorganises your place in the universe. This is why most people run from  truth rather than toward it.
—  Caroline Myss
Zay vs. Bae

A Rucas Fanfic

Rucas Week - Day 3 - Lucas tells Riley the whole truth about what got him kicked out of school in Texas

Story by: @hoffkk

Summary: Lucas is faced with a tough decision when Riley gives him an ultimatum and must decided what is more important to him…his best friend or his girlfriend.

*****

Riley and Lucas were getting ready to eat dinner with the gang at Topanga’s.  It was after closing, but Riley’s parents kept the place open later so they could have their own friends-giving together.  After all, they were graduating in just a few months, and after that who knew how many times the gang would be able to all get together again?

Riley and Lucas were the only ones there so far.  They came early to set the table and get things ready.  They were setting out the plates, napkins, and silverware on the round table clad in a autumn-colored linen table cloth when Lucas spoke up.

“So…you’ve been pretty quiet today.” Lucas noted.

“Have I?” Riley asked, knowing full well that she had been.  Partly because she had been busy preparing for their dinner, but partly because she had been busy thinking.  She overheard Lucas and Zay talking about Texas last night, specifically, about Lucas’s last day in Texas due to a certain fight he got into on Zay’s behalf. Riley could only make out a few words, but she could have sworn that she heard Lucas say something along the lines of “It’ll be our little secret.”  Then, when she tried to ask Lucas about it all nonchalantly, he just brushed her off.  She tried to let it go, but she couldn’t.  She just couldn’t stand the idea that he may be keeping secrets from her. I mean, they were a couple, and couples were supposed to be honest with each other, right?  Maybe , if she tried talking to him again…

“Yeah, you have. Is everything okay?”  Lucas asked her straight out.

“Everything’s fine.”  Riley assured.  "It’s just… I have been wondering about something.“

"Wondering about what?” He probed further, laying out forks on the left side of the plates and spoons and knives on the right.

“About why exactly you were kicked out of your old school in Texas.”  Riley answered honestly, hoping for some answers about the supposed secret.

Lucas gave her a weird look before replying.  "What do you mean?  I’ve already told you what happened.“

"Not really.” Riley argued.  "I mean, you told me that you were getting Zay out of trouble with a bully and got carried away, but you never said what exactly went down or why you got so carried away.“

"No, I didn’t.” Lucas agreed, avoiding eye contact by fiddling with the silverware.

“So…”  She responded.  "tell me now.“

"There’s nothing really to tell.”  Lucas hedged.

“If there was nothing to tell, it wouldn’t have ended with you being kicked out of school.” Riley retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Look, it was a moment, it happened, and now it’s over.”  Lucas summed up vaguely.  "Can’t we just leave it at that?“

"Can’t you just tell me the truth?”  Riley tossed back, getting a little angry now.

“Why?  Why are you all of a sudden so interested in the details?”  He asked.

“Because I just am.”  She answered lamely.  "Why are you all of a sudden so reluctant to share the details?“ She added.

"I just am.” He replied, tossing her words back at her.

“So, that’s it?” Riley questioned, completely peeved. “You’re just not going to tell me what all went down?”

Lucas pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.  "Does it matter?“ He inquired, looking back into her eyes deeply and apologetically.  He hated fighting with Riley… almost as much as he hated lying to her, but he made a promise to a friend that he had to keep.

"Of course, it matters.”  She nearly spat.

“Why?” He wondered aloud, honestly not understanding why this was such a big deal to her.

“Because…” She started to explain.  "if you can’t tell me what happened, that means you’re keeping something from me, and if you’re keeping something from me, that means you’re not being honest with me, and if you’re not being honest with me, then…then…“  Riley struggled a moment to get the words out, but she knew it had to be said.  She had to make him understand.  "then I don’t think I can trust you, and if I can’t trust you, Lucas…then I can’t date you anymore.”

“What are you saying?”  Lucas asked slowly and quietly, already knowing the answer but hoping to be wrong.

“I’m saying that if you don’t tell me the truth right now… we’re done.”  Riley said seriously, her heart breaking in the process.

Meanwhile, Lucas’s heart nearly stopped, hearing that ultimatum.  He loved Riley, but Zay had been his best friend since pre-K.  He couldn’t just break that trust between bros that they had built over the years.  With that thought, Lucas knew what he had to do.  He had to break up with Riley.  He hated himself for it, but there was nothing else he could do.

“Well, I… I guess were done then.” Lucas spoke seriously, hating every word.

“STOP.” A voice all but yelled, interrupting their break-up.

Lucas and Riley’s heads immediately snapped toward the front door of Topanga’s, finding Zay standing there worriedly, holding a bottle of sparkling grape juice in each hand, one red, one white.  He came a bit early to bring the drinks and caught the last part of their conversation.  He couldn’t believe Lucas would actually break-up with Riley, his dream girl, just to keep his secret.  He really was a good friend, and now it was Zay’s turn to be.  He couldn’t let Lucas go through with this, not because of him.

“Tell her.”  He said, looking directly at Lucas as he moved toward the table.

“What?”  Lucas questioned, shocked at his friend’s command.

“Tell her, Lucas.” Zay repeated, stopping next to his friend.

“Are you sure your ready for this?” Lucas queried.

“I don’t know,” Zay admitted, setting the bottles on the table in front of him.  "but I do know that I’m not gonna be the reason why the greatest couple in our high school, and probably all of New York City, broke up.  That would be selfish of me and unfair to the both of you.  So, go on… tell her.“  He finished with a nod in Riley’s direction.

"I think it would be better if you did.”  Lucas noted.

“You sure?  'Cause if.–” Zay began but didn’t get to finish.

“For the love!  Tell me what? What happened that day?” Riley said, wanting to know so badly what hidden truth was making things so difficult for everyone.

“I’m gay.”  Zay said suddenly.

“Wait…what?”  Riley asked, caught off guard by the admission.

“I’m gay, Riley.”  Zay said again.  "You see, that day way back when… I was young and still figuring things out, but I knew I was attracted to guys.  Anyway, I liked this one kid, Bryson.  He was captain of our junior high football team, and I was staring at his poster in the hallway, all the important players had one, it was a cool action shot, but anyhow, I was sort of checking him out in the photo and made a comment out loud to myself.  Some jerk overheard me and called me out on being a “fairy” as he so eloquently put it.  He backed me into a corner and called me more names, telling me that freaks like me are an abomination to society and didn’t deserve to breathe the same air, among other hateful things.  He shoved me a few times and was about to go in for a punch when–“

"When I came in.”  Lucas finished.  "I was in class, waiting for Zay and when he didn’t show up right away, I decided to go check on him.  I found him in the hallway about to get the life knocked out of him by some kid in the grade above us when the kid gave me a rundown of what was going on, thinking I’d be on his side.  He thought wrong.  So, I shoved the guy and went off on him and suddenly all I saw was red.“

"You mean the blood?  You broke his nose good!”  Zay commented.

“No, I meant from my anger.”  Lucas amended.  "But yes, I did make him bleed.“  He added, looking to Riley who stood their wide-eyed.  "I bruised him up pretty well to, and well… the school had a zero tolerance policy for violence, and… I think you can figure out the rest.”

“Wow.”  Riley said. “That’s quite the story, but why didn’t you ever tell any of us before?”

“That was my fault.” Zay answered.  "Lucas told me I should come clean, but I was worried about how you guys would react.  I didn’t want you to treat me differently.  I mean, I may be gay, but I’m still the same old Zay.“

"Of course you are.”  Riley agreed, placing a hand on Zay’s shoulder.  "And I wouldn’t have you any other way.“  She smiled.  "You’re my friend, and I love you, no matter who you love, and I know the others would feel the same way.”

“Thanks , Riley.” Zay said, returning her smile, then giving her a tight hug.  It was good to know that he really could be his true self in front of his friends.

Pulling out of the hug, Riley looked back at Zay and said, “I won’t say anything to the others until you do, but I think you should tell them soon. Maybe tonight?”  She asked hopefully.

“Maybe.”  Zay smirked. “And thanks.  Well, I better get these babies on ice.”  Zay commented, taking the bottles of grape juice to the back room to put them in a bucket of ice, purposely giving his friends a minute alone.

“So…” Lucas said.

“So…” Riley said.  "I guess I understand now.  Why you were so secretive about  the situation.  You were protecting Zay.“

"Yes, I was.”  Lucas replied.  "I really really didn’t want to lie to you, but it wasn’t my secret to tell.“

"I get it.” Riley assured him.

“But,” Lucas went on.  "since we’re being honest, that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want to tell you the truth.“

"Oh…” Riley said, sounding a little disappointed.

“I was also afraid of what you might think of me.”  Lucas admitted.

“What do you mean?”  Riley queried, confusion evident on her face.

Lucas took a breath before answering.  "I am so ashamed of what I did, Riley.  I handled the situation all wrong, and I got so violent so quickly… I guess I thought you might hate me or become afraid of me or something if you knew the truth.  I just… I didn’t want you to think less of me.“

"I don’t think less of you, Lucas.”  She reassured him, grabbing his hands for emphasis and threading her fingers through his.  "In fact, now that I know the truth, I think more of you.“

"But… I don’t understand.  I acted like a psycho.” Lucas stated.

“No.  You acted like a concern friend who’s emotions got the better of him.” Riley told him.  "Yes, maybe you took things too far, but you were protecting your friend, and that is something that I could never be mad at you for.“

Lucas just smiled brightly at her as he took in how truly amazing she actually was.  She was always able to see the good in people, apparently even him during his weakest moments.  However, he wasn’t sure where this left them.  We’re they still a couple or…?

"So, are we okay?” Lucas inquired as they stood face to face, hands weaved together down at their sides, hoping  more than anything that they were.

“Yeah,” Riley smiled.  "We’re good.“

Lucas grinned boyishly for half of a second before planting a soft kiss on Riley’s lips.

"I love you, Riley.” Lucas said after a moment.

“I love you, too.”  She replied back.

“I love you, too!” Zay’s voice interjected as he threw his arms around the happy couple.

Lucas rolled his eyes and Riley giggled then eyed Zay before saying, “Hey, back off!  He’s mine!”

They all burst out laughing and smiled at one another, happy that the truth was finally out and that they could joke about it now.

“What’s so funny?” A familiar voice asked, breaking through the revelry.

They turned to see Maya quirking a brow at them as she entered through the front door with Farkle and Smackle trailing behind.

“Oh, nothing…”  Riley trailed off, sharing a knowing smile with the boys beside her.

“Keeping secrets are we?”  The ever observant Farkle chimed in.

“Don’t worry.”  Riley said. “You’ll find out soon enough.” She finished, winking at Zay who just smiled and nodded.

Zay ended up telling the rest of the gang the truth after they ate dinner, and they all gave him their full support.

It was kind of funny.  Zay had always thought that the day that he was bullied and got Lucas kicked out of school was one of the worst days of his life, but it turned out to be actually one of the best.  It was the first domino, leading to this moment right here with his new group of friends in New York.  He relished this fact, thankful for the way things ended up working out, knowing wholeheartedly that he wouldn’t change the past even if he could.  The truth was he loved his new home, his new friends, and most importantly (after a long inner-struggle) himself.

هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم ابني ان الاقتداء بالرسول الكريم يبدأ
بنزاهته وامانته وصدقه، قبل لحيته وقصر ثوبه؟

Would you permit me to teach my son that following in the footsteps of the Honorable Prophet begins with his honesty, loyalty and truthfulness, before teaching him about his beard or how short his thobe (cloak) is?

—  Nizar Qabbani

anonymous asked:

" I just, I was surprised. The tank became an emblem of this thing"- Really? Surprised? I could have told him right there and then in a second what kind of backlash and ridicule he would have gotten. If ANY of this is true, then he is beyond naive. So, we either have a super naive boy who does not know how the world operates OR we have a first-class liar who lies and in the same sentence assures us how he is all about honesty and truth. I'm not sure which is worse.

I can’t decide either!! I’ve been having that debate all day.

The truth about depression.

Honesty hour- I’ve been feeling really depressed and discouraged again lately. It’s like a wave that hits me; it overwhelms me suddenly and without warning. It engulfs my entire being. It feels like I’m drowning, while everyone around me is breathing. I’m calling out for help, but no one sees, no one can hear my cries. As depression pulls me under, deeper and deeper, and my lungs fill with water, they tell me that I’m not really drowning, that it’s all in my head, etc..

I decided to write something about this to hopefully encouraging others who are going through it. You aren’t alone. Everything you’re feeling and going through is 100% valid, no matter what anybody tells you.

Depression is one of the hardest things to fight. It not only effects your mind, but also your entire body. You can’t see depression physically like you can see a cut or a broken bone, it’s essentially invisible because it’s a sickness of the mind. You can’t see it on an x-ray or with blood work, but that doesn’t make it any less real then a sickness you can physically see.

I hate the stigma surrounding depression, especially in Christian circles and within the church. Depression is looked at as a dirty word. If you are a Christian and battle depression you are almost always shamed for it. You’re told you need to have more faith or you need to pray more or read your Bible more. You’re told that you can’t be a Christian and have depression. You’re told that if you do have depression then you need to examine yourself to see if you really, truly are a Christian/saved. You’re told not to talk about it. You’re made to feel like you’re just faking it, making it up. Etc… Well meaning people will tell you to “just get over it” or to just “stop being sad, to be more thankful,” etc… they’ll tell you others have it worse then you or that you don’t have a valid reason to be depressed or sad. What they don’t realaize is that a lot of the time depression has nothing to do with your circumstances. Alot of the time you don’t have a “reason” for being sad, you just are. Even when you’re happy or having a good time with friends, you still feel this sadness, it’s always there. It might not show itself as strongly sometimes, but it’s there non the less. That’s how depression works.

Depression is a hard thing for people to talk about. But I’m speaking out about it, openly because it needs to be disscussed and talked about more. I’m here to tell you that depression doesn’t make you a bad Christian, it doesn’t mean you’re in sin, it doesn’t mean you don’t have enough faith, it means your human. It means that there are chemicals in your brain that aren’t balancing out. It’s not your fault, it’s just how your brain is made. That’s what antidepressants are for. They don’t make you super happy or anything like that, they just fill in and balance out the chemicals that your brain isn’t able to do on its own.

You wouldn’t tell someone with a fever not to take medicine for it. You wouldn’t tell someone with a broken arm not to get a cast put on it to help it heal. You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer not to seek treatment, that they weren’t really sick, or to have more faith in God, etc… so why do we treat someone with depression any differently? I believe that people are afraid of what they don’t understand. Instead of educating themselves about depression, they try to ingnore it, shame someone for it, etc…

Instead of shaming people for having depression we need to educate ourselves. Knowledge is power. The more you udnerstand something, the more you can help someone. It’s time for the church to step out of the dark and educate themselves about this. I guarantee you there are hundreds and thousands of people in churches across america that are silently battling depression, too afraid or ashamed to talk about it or ask for help… for fear of being judged, looked down on, etc…

Depression isn’t a respector of persons. It can affect people of any race or age, rich or poor, old or young, man, woman, or child, etc… Pastors can battle depression, church leaders can battle depression, missionaries can battle depression, song leaders can battle depression. It affects sunday school teachers and youth group leaders, church members, and parents, grandparents, teens, children etc….

The Bible says that we are to come along side each other, bear one anothers burdens, pray for each other, encourage each other, love each other etc… It starts with you, and it starts with me speaking up about our own personal struggles with depression. You and I being open about what we are going through. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it has to start somewhere.

Anyways, I hope this was encouraging and helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to share your story and experiences. I’m always here to pray with you, listen to you, share advice, etc…

Remember, you aren’t alone.