the tree and axe

Magnus canonically owns an axe that can cut through an entire tree in one swing and is multiclassing as a rogue but he never mentions those as his strong points, its always “rustic charm” this or “animal handling proficiency” that like the man puts more weight on his knowledge about vehicles or building a chair than he does on the fact he tied himself to a moving train and saved several thousand people

The Tree God

I’m the DM with a two-person party. One player has had some experience with DnD, but for the other, it’s his first time.

And on every tree-related roll, our axe-paladin has gotten 20s.

Part 1

Me (DM): Ok, the path goes either right, or left. What do you do? 

Paladin: I go forward.

Me: No, I mean, there is only right and left on the path. The rest is just forest.

Paladin: No. I take my axe and go forward by cutting down all the trees.

Me: Fine. Roll.

Paladin: (rolls a 20)

Me: *screams*

Part 2

Me: Ok, (Sorcerer) now has a stick-torch.

Paladin: I want one!

Me: Then just cut off a branch. You’ll need to roll for it, too.

Paladin: (nat 20)

Sorcerer: what?!

Part 3

Me: You are now inside a small cave, about 7 feet across. There is still a hole in the ground from the tree.

Sorcerer: What if an enemy finds us while we sleep? (It’s nighttime) 

Paladin: I’ll just put the tree back.

Me: Uh, sure, roll.

Paladin: (nat 20)

Me: I hate you.

Bear’s Story (part 1)

Brand new to DnD, our Half-Orc Barbarian who believed she was a bear was being introduced to the party.
DM: Ok, your Awakened Direbear momma just kicked you out of the den and told you to learn of civilized society. She pointed you to a nearby road. What do you do?
Bear (ooc): I find an acorn tree by the road, climb it, and start chucking acorns at squirrels.
DM: Right, everyone else, walking down the road you see a half naked half orc woman with a huge axe up a tree chucking acorns at squirrels.
The 90 year old sorcerer decides to climb up and sit next to her using Mage Hand to get her more acorns and pelt the squirrels.
Bear (hugs sorcerer): “I like you. You are mine now.”

4

i was playing animal crossing with @horrifichymns and this happened

,,except it was an axe

anonymous asked:

If you're still taking prompts. What if Neil gets a concussion and starts mixing up his languages? I love your writing!

(thank you so much! I had so much fun writing this honestly also HEY apparently language based confusion post head trauma like.. doesn’t happen lmao but lets suspend our disbelief y'all)


It’s USC’s new “problem player” who does it.

There’s a scrimmage for the ball in the last quarter, and Neil ends up bodychecked into plexiglass head-first. His helmet goes loose and bounces away before he hits the floor.

Neil’s 5’3” against the backliner’s 6’5” is like pitting an axe against the base of a tree. Neil’s legs quiver like wind through leaves, and then he’s cut down.

Andrew watches the whole thing unravel, the wind-up and the swing and the bounce. Neil topples onto his back with the brutality of a drop from a moving car, and he doesn’t get back up. There’s an awkward minute of shouting and buzzers and repetitive shrugging from the backliner. Andrew leaves goal just as Jeremy crosses the court to jab a finger in his teammate’s chest.

“We do not fight dirty like that! Jesus Christ Trent, If we’d taken that point from them the win would mean what?”

“Nothing,” the backliner replies glumly, eyes down. Andrew takes it as a prime opportunity to punch him across the jaw with his whole weight behind it.

The guy goes reeling, holding his face and looking down at Andrew with slack jawed disbelief — doubtless surprised to find someone half his size had just loosened a few teeth.

Andrew feels Kevin at his back, and Jeremy steadies Trent by the shoulder as he levels eyes at him. “Can’t we be civil for one game?”

Kevin shrugs, sickeningly sheepish. “You’re in fox territory.”

“How could I forget,” Jeremy says, eyes rolling. He says something else but Andrew’s already turning to find Neil, his unchecked injury like an oven left on - the niggling, panicking doubt of it.

Jean’s crouched at Neil’s side, speaking quietly and firmly with his eyebrows yanked together like pursestrings.

“Get away from him,” Andrew says, dizzy with anger. All the times Neil has defended Jean and the things he’d let Riko do surface and clash in Andrew’s head.

Jean looks up, unconcerned with Andrew’s warning. “Something is wrong.”

Andrew puts himself between Jean and Neil, stepping right where Jean’s hands are splayed out on the floor so that he recoils. He leans over Neil and watches his open eyes, the frost of confusion on them.

“Get up.”

Neil finds him, like he’s squinting through smoke. “Je ne peux pas.”

Andrew grabs his shoulders, unamused. “Try again.”

“It was something else a minute ago. Something slavic?” Jean says. Andrew ignores him.

“Andrew,” Neil says urgently, eyes bloodshot and unfixed. “Je suis fatigué.”

“Don’t sleep,” Andrew warns. He pulls Neil to his chest and drags him upright by his armpits.

“Look, I’m sorry,” Trent calls from a few feet away, his team congregating behind him like disappointed parents.

“We’re benching him for the next couple of games,” Jeremy adds seriously. “You deserve better.”

“You touch what’s mine again and you lose a hand,” Andrew says airily.

Keep reading

2

One day, my Friend Aline said that she didn’t like much her drawing.
Then I said: “ It’s already beautiful , but you can’t see it. So would you let me show you that ? “

Basically , she made the drawing and I painted ^^

And finally she can see what I see.

So everyone ! sometimes we just need to look a little deep in our drawings to not give up on them.

( if you think that girl is going to cut those trees, you are WRONG! XD

my friend said  that she needs the axe to face the forest

 Cause she doesn’t know what will find in there ).

sweet-but-mostly-sour  asked:

Don't know if you can help, but I have a character that is attacked by someone with an axe. What is an object that could "stop" the axe? Like, the axe would not completely cut it but still be stuck in it while the first character holds it in front of himself? Thank you!

You mean, “like a shield?”

Really, any solid block of wood should be able to take the hit, and catch the blade. It doesn’t matter if it’s an actual shield, or a pine 2x4.

It’s probably worth remembering, most modern “wood” furniture is made from particle board, which is more like sawdust and glue. This stuff won’t stop an axe. But, antiques? Stuff that’s actually made from real wood? That will.

When it comes to shields, softwoods (like pine or yew) are preferable to hardwoods (like oak or apple). As I recall, this has something to do with the elasticity of softwoods (even very heavy softwoods like yew), in contrast to hardwoods. Hardwoods will break when sufficient force is applied, you can see this with toothpicks if you’re really inclined, while softwoods are more likely to deform, or in your case, entrap the axe head.

Really, this is one of those cases where the range of options isn’t short, and will depend heavily on where your character is fighting. If they’re in a wooded area, they’re probably better off using the trees as impromptu cover, to protect against axe strikes. In an industrial environment, piping or heavy equipment would be the better option.

It’s also worth remembering: so long as the attacker can keep a hold on their axe, they will be able to get it free. It may take a moment, but it’s very difficult to create a situation where you could tie it up indefinitely, simply by getting it stuck in something. Getting the weapon stuck is a good distraction, and opens the option for your character to retaliate, but it doesn’t eliminate the weapon. Your character will need something a lot more complex in mind than an 18th century writing desk getting in the way to achieve that.

-Starke

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studying (n.) the activity of learning about something by reading, memorizing facts, attending school, etc.

“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” - Salvador Dali: Have ambitions. Have goals. To achieve those goals, you must use your intelligence you have acquired through the years.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery: Self-explanatory; hence, the study tips on the following pages. 

“Study smarter, not harder.”: To study effectively, we must understand the concepts, be focused, and make sure what you are studying is actually being retained by your brain for long periods of time.

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” - Mark Twain: Start now. Once you have understood the concepts in a lesson, how about start revising now. Review those revisions once in awhile to avoid bombarding of information to the brain during exam weeks because your brain won’t retain it up until your examination.

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” - Abraham Lincoln: For school projects or essays, we are given ample time by the teachers to complete them. However, given the amount of time, we must use it well. Plan ahead what you ought to do and then begin doing.

“Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” - Alexander Graham Bell

ok but how about katniss having a happy ending with johanna instead:

  • johanna and katniss helping each other recover after the war
  • johanna helping katniss cope with the loss of her sister, because she’s lost her own family members and she knows how awful that is. because she doesn’t want katniss to have to be alone like she was when she lost her own family
  • katniss eventually having a serious talk with johanna about her fear of water and the fact that she hasn’t bathed
  • katniss doing all she can to help johanna recover and gradually become more tolerant of water
  • johanna kicking katniss’ ass into gear whenever things are bad
  • johanna being gentle and understanding of katniss’ grieving when the above is not appropriate for the moment
  • johanna showing katniss district seven, building a log cabin for them to live in together
  • the two of them eventually adopting children together and finally feeling what it’s like to have a family again
  • johanna and katniss take their children on hikes and camping trips through the forests of seven/twelve and show the world to them
  • johanna teaching their children how to use axes and chop down trees and be miniature lumberjacks
  • katniss and johanna spending the rest of their lives together
  • katniss and johanna growing old together
  • i’m crying right now
Imagine you and Ivar love to raid and battle together (part 4)

Part Ihttp://lordavanti.tumblr.com/post/156851277953/imagine-you-and-ivar-love-to-raid-and-battle
Part II: http://lordavanti.tumblr.com/post/156891745733/imagine-you-and-ivar-love-to-raid-and-battle
Part IIIhttp://lordavanti.tumblr.com/post/156943251008/imagine-you-and-ivar-love-to-raid-and-battle

Summary: A month further, Ivar is all overprotective now and suddenly wants to marry you. But your head is somewhere else … you have more pain than usual, your son kicks less than normal. You have still a month to go and just as you want to visit Helga there are thos contractions. Your son lies in the wrong direction and you just lose to much blood, will you survive?
Words: 2714


You wore a gown for a change, it was a lot more comfortable than the typical warrior clothes you wore before, certainly with your oversized belly. There were two things changed since the attack from last month. Ivar was more around … constanly watching you like you could drop any moment to the ground. And your son kicked not that hard anymore, you hardly felt him move at all. “We should marry.” Ivar said. You turned on the chair and looked how he get his shirt on.
“Why, Ivar? Because I’m pregnant of your son?”
“Yes.” He nodded. You looked at him and bited your lip, a little dreamy. “You don’t want to?” He asked. You pulled yourself out of your own thoughts and looked at him.
“Your changing, growing all soft.” You spotted. He frowned his eyebrows and stared at the door.
“You said I would be a good father.” He looked at you, a little unsteady maybe. You pushed yourself from the chair and walked over to the bed. He supported you as soon as you were in range.
“I will not break.” You smiled because of his over protection.
“You maybe not but he,” he pressed his lips against your belly and looked up at you for a moment. “you can’t be carefull enough.” He wispered.
“You kiss him already a lot more than me.” You observed. He chuckles and pulled his head back.
“You jealous?” He asked with that seductive smile you loved. How could you be jealous, he treated you like a goddess past month. And even he was a cripple, he crawled half the village if you needed something. But you never told him that there was something changed with your son. You never told him about the pain you sometimes had. It was to early, it wasn’t possible. “I wish I could know what you are thinking of.”
“Hmm.” You looked at him and shook your head. “Nothing really. Shouldn’t you be with your brothers?” You asked to switch the subject. He narrowed his eyes and nodded slowly.
“You never aswered my question, we should marry.”
 “Get me through childbird and maybe I will.” You gave in. He smiled, as if he completed something that took a lot of work. You watched him getting of the bed and crawling to the door, without kissing you goodbye, see …

As soon as he was away you stroke over your belly, trying to control the little pain you were already feeling again. “Maybe we should go visit Helga.” You said softly against yourself. You stood up, walked the house out to Helga. It was a long walk, to long and you needed to rest more than once. You where almost by the house when you felt a cramp coming up. “Not now, please.” You wispered to your belly, holding your body up to a tree.
“Y/n?” You looked up to Floki who stood with an axe besides a fallen tree. He came towards you, confused looking from your belly to your face.
“I think somethings wrong?” You said afraid.
“Helga is with Torvi, you need to go back.”
“I gonna loose him.” You wispered. It was a month to early, you son couldn’t come now.
“You’re not believing in the gods Y/n, they have great plans for you and your son.” You watched to Floki who maked some weird movements with his hand above his head. You felt the pain again and Floki supported you back to the village, the whole way he was mumbling to himself, praying to the gods. He got you home, back on the bed before he rushed out to get Helga and some other woman. Helga told you over her childbirth, over the pain, the yelling. But you mostly felt fear now you were there all by yourself, trying to control your breathing while Floki get the others. It felt like hours but when she got through the door she immidiatly began to look for symptoms.
“He will come y/n.”
“It’s to soon.” You said in panic. Margrethe followed with some other woman you hardly knew.
“How long is this going on?” Helga asked while she started preparing. Margrethe was warming water by the fire, the other woman folded fabrics for the baby, or for you, who knows.
“Since the attack, he didn’t moved liked before and sometimes I felt a light pain. I was coming to see you Helga.” Their was a new contraction and you already felt the sweat coming up.
“Does Ivar know?”
“Does Ivar know what?” He asked in the doorway. His confused gaze said enough. He needed some time to put it all together but when he finally looked at you, you saw a little anger underneath concern. “y/n?” He asked, still in the doorway. You sucked in a deep breath and looked then towards him.
“I’m sorry.” You wispered. He crawled to the bed and both of you looked to Helga who was puching your belly.
“He doesn’t lie with his head in the good direction.” She confirmed. You closed your eyes, tears rolling down your cheeks.
“It’s my fault, I should have stopped training, riding, I should have stayed home with the attack, because of me you never gonna see your son alive.” A new contraction hits you and you tried to just bite away the pain. Ivar laid his hand on your forehead, his thumb stroking your skin.
“You will get through this, the gods are not that cruel y/n.” But you hardly couldn’t listen to him.
“You should go Ivar.” You wispered through your tears. When you looked at him he shook his head. “Please, for once don’t be so stubborn.” You said further. He laid his arm around your head and you took a hold at it with both hands.
“You can do battle, you can do this to. I know you only one way Y/n and that is strong.” He wispered, pressing a short kiss on your forehead. The more contractions there came, the more pain you got.
“He has to get out Y/n, you have to start pressing.” Helga said. The fear in your eyes overcame all your power to fight. Margrethe watched in concern while you pushed for the first time, and the second … and the third. Helga exchanged looks with the other woman and you closed your eyes, hiding your head against Ivar’s arm.
“What is it?” He asked. You knew you were bleeding already a lot and it shouldn’t supposed to go like that.
“If the baby don’t come out soon he will kill Y/n. She is already loosing to much blood and losing all strenght.” Helga answered him before she turned to the two other women and start to explain things to them.
“Y/n, you have to do this.” Ivar softly said against your ear. You turned your head and shook your head.
“Promise me you will take care of him. If I die, please, Ivar, take care of him. Make him fierce and famous just like you are. Promise me?” Your fingertips stroked his cheekbone while you looked at him. He nodded, you saw a tear from the corner of his eye getting towards his cheek. “Your the most amazing man I ever met Ivar and I’m glad that I always could fight beside you through all those times, that I can carry your son now.”
“Don’t make this a goodbye.” He wispered. You looked away from him, back to Helga who nodded slowly.
“The faster he is out, the more change you have Y/n.” She said with a strong voice. She gave you some courage. You took a deep breath, clenched yourself on to Ivar his arm en closed your eyes. How hard could it be? You start pushing, yelling all the pain into Kattegat. After ten times there was hardly any progress and your head felt back in the bed, your eyes half shut.
“Can’t you cut it out?” Ivar asked impatient, restless, angry almost.
“Cut it out? Are you mad. She will loose more blood!” Helga defensed your situation immidiatly.
“She is dying Helga!” He yelled at here. “And he isn’t coming.” He pointed at your belly. You wanted to comfort him but all of your energy slowly dripped away.
“I’m not gonna cut into Y/n.” Helga shook her head.
“Do it or I will the one cutting into you.” He was totaly panicking, that was for sure.
“What if I cut into him?”
“Get him out Helga, we are losing her.” Ivar threatened.
“I will do it.” Someone said with a steady tone. You opended your eyes a little only to see Lagertha walking in, confident and practical. Ivar looked at her, not sure what he had to do. “If I don’t she will die.” Lagertha asked him for permission, he nodded before he turned to you again. He laid his hands against your cheeks, looking for eye contact.
“You can’t give up now Y/n, please, don’t leave, don’t leave me.” He begged with tears in his eyes you never saw before. You wanted to respond but their was nothing left for you. Lagertha started to cut and the pain and bloodloss of that maked you lose consciousness.

Did you go to Valhalla if you failed to deliver your child? The seer saw you dying loneliness but this was not that. You constanly heard prayers, people talking to you, stroking their fingers over your forehead, thought your hair.  You couldn’t move, your body slowly took his final ride, you hoped to Valhalla … you were sure you earned it. You fought many battles, this one was your last. You wished you just could open your eye one last time, to see the people you loved. You said it not enough, you were always so distant and hard, hardly showing any emotions and now … it was to late. You would die and you wouldn’t see you own son. If you had a last wish it would be that, see him, hold him, touch him. You heard the sounds of a sacrifice in your head, you weren’t even sure if it was real. But it was like the gods heard your last prayer to let you see your son. Only it was in a dream, the kind of dream you always wanted to have. You saw your son, he stood beside the chariot of Ivar with that same strongheaded look. Black hair, just like his father cut it. He was so young, full in battlegear, a sword in his belt. There was a full army on both sides of him. He looked up in the chariot, towards his father. “You ready?” Ivar asked his son amused. The boy nodded, looking towards the enemy while he tightened his grip on his shield. “Give the commando.” Ivar followed, proudly looking towards his son. The boy pulled his sword, ready for his first battle besides his father.
“SHIELD WALL!” He yelled and the full army put their shields in front. That was the dream the gods gave you before they pulled you back in that dark unsure world between dying and living.

When you forced you eyes open you couldn’t see much exept for a ceiling. Their was some wet fabric on you head and you felled some tinglings in your fingers and toes. You felt heavy, heavy and tired. For a moment you didn’t knew where you were, was this Valhalla? It had a lot in comment with the house you had in Kattegat. To your suprice your head turned, looking for some grip on the reality. Their was a bowl with water, some herbs and dried fabrics with blood, your blood. You turned your head slowly to the left only to see Ivar, sleeping in a chair. His legs bound in front of him. He looked so peacefull, so not full of anger like usual. But it wasn’t seeing him again that started tears rolling down your face, it was what rested on his chest, a small little baby. You always tried to imagine Ivar with a child, a baby even but the image was never completly right but this … He had his hand supportive under the little guy, both sleeping and both so peacefull. “Ivar.” Your voice was weak, sore and barly to hear. He didn’t react. You tried to move but it didn’t worked, you were still to weak. Your son maked a little noice, turning his head against his father before sleeping further. Ivar moved a little to, moving his head to the same direction in his sleep. The tears rolled over your cheeks, you were alive, the gods gave you a second change, they found it worty for you to see your son grow up.

You stared for a least what felt like hours before someone came in. It was Helga and when she saw your wet face and open eyes she immidiatly came to the bed. “It’s so good to finally see you awake.” You said tenderly.
“What,”
“You lost a lot of blood during childbirth, it almost killed you. Lagertha had to cut him out. Afterwards you had a fever, what is under control now.” She explained while feeling your head and cheeks. “Do you want me to wake them?” She asked with a look towards Ivar and your son, you nodded slowly. Helga stood up and turned towards Ivar. “Ivar.” She shook his shoulder carefully.
“It’s not because I’m holding a baby that I’m not be able to kill.” He murmured. You wanted to laugh because of what he said but you couldn’t, you were still crying over the fact that you were alive.
“Y/n is awake.” Helga smiled. You saw Ivar his eyes fly open, his gaze directly towards you.
“Take over.” He wispered without even looking toward Helga. She took the baby from his chest and he let his body fall to the ground before crawling to the bed. He pushed his body up and carefull laid a hand against you cheek. You closed your eyes, finding his hand with yours. “I never believed the gods would take you away from this world.” He wispered. His free hand stroked your hair and you almost felt asleep again. “Y/n?” You opened your eyes and looked back at him. “I love you, I never said it enough.” He followed.
“How do you feel Y/n?” Helga asked while she was rocking your son back to sleep.
“Tired.” You honestly answered.
“Then go back to sleep my love.”
“Don’t get all emotional over me Ivar.” You hardly had the strenght to speak but it brought you a smile for him.
“You gave uss a couple days to overthink our lives and get emotional over it.” He replied. You looked back to Helga and your son, Ivar took it as a sign and pulled his body on the bed, wraping his arms carefully around you to pull you a little up.
“Carefull Ivar.” Helga said. Your body rested against Ivar chest but despite the pain you didn’t protest.
“Give him back.” He demanded Helga with a tone you never heard him talking with. You frowned your eyebrows but fast loose the interest in that because of what was heading your way … your son. Helga laid him back in Ivar’s arms, he was so tender with his movements that the tears came back. You looked down at the baby, dark, almost black hair, soft skin, tiny fingers and those ocean blue eyes like his father. He was staring at you, concentrated almost. “Meet y/n, she is the strongest and fiercest woman of Kattegat and the world. Lucky for you son she’s also your mother.” Ivar introduced his son to you. The baby stared at you before his gaze felt on Ivar, you turned you head and met the loving smile on Ivar his lips.
“Already in love?” You asked with a small painfull grin.
“He is healthy Y/n, not a cripple like me and as beautifull as you.” Ivar said softly, both of you looking how your son his eyes felt shut. You laid a finger on his small hand and looked how he wrapped his little fingers around it. You head rested against Ivar’s chest as you felt asleep as well.

The end?