the topiary

Crimson Peak (2015) dir. Guillermo del Toro

The bleak house stood at the end of a red clay path, surrounded by dead brown grass and skeletal trees and backed by a dark gray sky. Gone were the boulevards lined with trees and topiaries. No porte cochère to shelter aristocrats’ coaches as they disgorged visitors; indeed, no visitors. 

Second thought on Dagobah shenanigans: Bro has heard rumor that Mark Hamill actually argued with George Lucas about the X-Wing thing; Luke knows he needs to get back to the Rebel Alliance eventually and wants to, so he shouldn’t give up on pulling his only ship out of the swamp, why not do a montage of his repeated attempts and eventually success to lift it out of the swamp with the Force? But Lucas was all “lol no Luke gives up and Yoda shows off.”

Bro and I agree with Theoretical Mark Hamill so we’ve decided there’s an offscreen argument between Luke and Yoda where Luke wants to make a pulley system out of these trees and vines and secure his ship before starting training. But Yoda, who has a spent a long time on all his swamp topiary, refuses, and insists Luke can just pick it up with the Force and not ruin his Bog of Eternal Stench Solitude’s landscaping.

And therefore Luke’s “I give up I can’t do it” isn’t about pulling the ship up at all, just about pulling it up with the Force. Yoda hauls it up onto dry land because that last slip under the murk it just did means Luke “I grew up fixing farm equipment” Skywalker is about to hack up all these plants and make an actually pulley system to save his ticket outta here.

Are YOU searching for the ultimate accessory for your next acid trip? Look no further! After scoring your favorite hallucinogen, plug in Rosie the Singing Topiary and enjoy the colors as as she sings:

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why can’t I?