the three words dammit

Coran: Keith, describe Lance in just three words

Keith: Ok, can I ask why?

Coran: Oh, it’s just a little survey for the Paladins 

Lance: That sounds interesting….Keith you better think about those three words, and make sure they’re good.

Keith: Annoying but cute…..

Lance: Aw buddy!

Coran: *writes it down* And Lance?

Lance: A fun night.

Keith: LANCE

Coran: *starts writing it down and then stops* Wait……

  • Me: oh wow! I just had a great idea for a fan fiction. I'm definitely going to write this! This time though it's only going to be about a thousand words. I have another fic I need to write.
  • Me: *three days later and five thousand words in and nowhere near finished* DAMMIT

“I need you…”

Dean held his breath, and it was almost as if everything simply stopped; time, the universe, Dean’s heartbeat. The words were familiar, because Dean himself had said them more times than he could count. He’d always felt pathetic when speaking them of course, because to Dean they resembled weakness. Those words meant that he was counting on someone else to keep him safe and sane, and that was never a good sign in Dean’s book.

Coming from Dean, those words meant that he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough. Or, that’s what he’d always believed.

However this time, those exact same words were special. Because this time, it was Cas saying them, for the very first time.

Coming from Cas, those same words were a sign of love, a sign of dedication, a sign of forever.

Dean had waited five long years for Castiel to say them back, and hearing them was like coming home, even though Cas was casually saying them while they were in the bunker’s kitchen talking over their mugs of coffee at three am; already the very place closest to home that Dean would ever get.  

“Where did that come from, huh?” Dean muttered after a long, heavy silence, feeling scared but hopeful as blue eyes watched him carefully.

Cas cleared his throat, eyes dropping to the table. “Sam explained it to me the other day, what it means when you say that… Then it occurred to me that I never once said it back. I figured now’s as good a time as any, unless you prefer for me to say it some other time when we’re in a life-threatening situation…”

Dean panicked a little, feeling somewhat exposed at the implication behind the statement. Cas now knew what it meant… Knew that it was Dean’s version of those other three words that he couldn’t quite bring himself to say to anyone. Dammit, Sammy.

But when Cas blinked up at him again, his hand reaching for Dean’s and their fingers touching on top of the table, it was no longer all that scary. After all, this was Cas, and shit, Cas had said it first this time.

And Dean? Dean wasn’t going to make both the angel and himself wait for another five years. He smiled timidly, his hand tightening around Cas’, suddenly craving the connection. He hoped that Cas would never let go.

“I need you too, Cas.”

We fell in love the way most people do. We couldn’t stop talking to each other, it would last the whole day, we would speak from morning to dawn and say goodnight over sleepy kissy voices on the phone— and when moments of silence came, it was with a comfort of knowing you can be quiet or you can be loud with this person, but you can be content. This may be true for a lot of people who are in love— but that wasn’t what made you special. What made it special was the fact that somehow, you lit me up completely– from the inside. I didn’t notice when, but you burrowed your hand deep into the insides of my heart and lit me up like the firework displays on the fourth of july. You clawed your way in (gently) with your arms and every time you whispered my name, it felt like I was being reintroduced to the world; it felt like hopes and chances. It felt real. In this world where we live with and through illusions, vanity and facades, you were the realest thing I knew.
—  zms, what it felt to be real