the three hundreds

surrender, surrender, but don’t give yourself away 

Story 215: Cultural Exchange

The human steps onto the station from her shuttle, and walks into the scanner.  It flashes - no weapons.  I pity her, though there’s nothing I can do for her.  By tomorrow she will be a slave the same as me; the Gaunvans collect ambassadors like trophies.
“Hello there!  Amanda Thorn, ambassador for the Empire of Humanity.  You’re a Ixian, correct?”
Mimicking human body language, I nod my head.  "That’s correct.  Ix Malasan.  It is an honor to meet you.“
She smiles, reminding me again that she has somehow modified herself to breathe atmosphere suited to the Gaunvans rather than wear a respirator like myself.  Other than that she appears to be a standard human, something I am led to believe is less and less common as they pursue the bizarre compulsion humans have to alter their bodies.  Changing hair color, adding pigments to their skins in patterns and pictures, growing long tails or ears that mimic other species from their planet.  No other known species tampers with their bodies like this.
“Not to be undiplomatic, she says, "but the Gaunvans enslaved your people.  Why are you here?”
“We… reached a mutually beneficial agreement.  We would have lost in combat and been eliminated, so we chose to preserve what we could of our culture.  The Gaunvans are not naturally skilled at diplomacy, so they bring me along to assist and to show that peace can be made.”
She nods.  "Understood.  I can respect that choice.  How much freedom do you have, personally?“
Smart of her, to start planning for her future. "A fair amount.  I have free reign on the ship when we are in transit.  At the homeworld I have reasonably comfortable quarters.”
“Have you ever met the Empress, or…?”
“Oh, no.  No, while on the homeworld I am confined to my chambers - but they’re quite spacious.”
“Shame.  Okay, plan ‘A’ then.  Let’s get this over with.”

Despite my attempt at encouraging diplomacy, the Gaunvan commander starts with threats.  I don’t know why I bother.  He looms over the human, chitinous plates almost black in the dim light.  His pod of six is posted around the room, for show more than for actual security since she followed orders and came alone and unarmed.  "Failure to surrender will bring the full wrath of our army upon you.  Humanity will be crushed, and wiped from the universe.“
To her credit, she looks very calm.  "We live in a post-scarcity society.  Bloody conquest just seems silly, doesn’t it?”
“It is for the glory of Gaun!”
“Well, I’m not prepared to get into a religious debate with you,” she says, “since I doubt there’s anything I can do to change your mind.  Since you’re committed to this course of action, what are you willing to offer if we surrender?”
Now he goes back on script.  Maybe I am getting through to him a little?  He talks about the benefits of being enslaved, mainly the protections for up to twelve designated culturally historical sites.  They’ve been mostly good on their word on my homeworld, though they did use the area just outside of the Hahhn Memorial as a waste dump.

She nods as she listens.  There was a part of me that was worried she would argue, because the humans are somewhat childlike.  They don’t understand the horrors of war.  Certainly they fought in the past, but the last time they had to battle was more than two of their generations ago, so these ones have all grown up coddled and soft.  They play games with each other instead, silly competitions.  They make art, and play pretend, and alter their bodies for fun.  They don’t have weapons anymore, and wouldn’t know how to use them if they did.
“Well then,” ambassador Thorn says, “this is about what I expected.  On behalf of humanity, I would like to formally reject this offer.”
Oh no.  Foolish humans.  The galaxy will miss your innocence.  The commander makes an excited clicking noise, looking forward to combat.  He reaches a blade-tipped hand towards ambassador Thorn, but hesitates as every device in the room bleats out an alert - we’ve all lost communications with the outside.

Like one of the dances humans do, she gracefully pivots around while taking his hand.  She ends up close to him and places her other arm against his thorax, then… oh gods. Gods, what… she’s ripped his arm off.  It’s not possible.  The commander is clearly thinking the same thing, staring in mute shock at his dripping limb.
“I’d like to extend a counter-offer,” she says, and flips the arm around before jamming the bladed end into his neck.  The warriors around the room are fidgeting, uncertain.  They haven’t been told to attack, and don’t want to dishonor their commander by intervening in a fight with such a small creature.  She’s still holding the commander’s severed arm in his neck, but she rotates and heaves, lifting him off the ground with it for a moment… and then his head pops off, landing squarely on the conference table.  She allows the corpse to slide to the ground, and straightens her clothes as if they aren’t covered in ichor.

I don’t understand.

The warriors, now with no orders at all, finally act.  She smiles as they come for her, I suppose because she has done her duty to send this powerful message of resistance.  She can die in peace.  Or… no… She’s killing them.  She’s smiling because this is fun for her.  Though they’re partly killing themselves; if there had been two of them, prepared, strategic, they might have prevailed.  Watching six panicked fighters get in each other’s way while trying to stop a smaller, faster, and somehow impossibly stronger foe is almost hypnotic.  At least one is killed by the stab of a friendly lance due to pure confusion.  It’s over faster than I would have thought possible, severed limbs strewn across the room.  I’ve got some fluids splashed across my clothing.  Only one yet lives, and he is retreating.  She seems to be allowing it.

She follows behind, holding a lance.  The wounded and scared warrior scurries down the hallway towards his ship, looking back behind him as he goes.  She’s just… walking.  Calm.  And for some reason I’m following.  The last Gaunvan reaches the airlock and the second he enters his code she throws the lance - throws it! - and spears him.
“Come on, we’re stealing their ship.”  She says it like this is the most normal thing in the world.
“There are thousands more on board!  Thousands!  Almost all warrior caste!”
She smiles again, and keeps walking.  I see errors on the screens that we pass, messages indicating communications have been lost.  They can’t tell anyone what is happening here.  Even the communicators within the ship are on nodes rather than being wired, so the warriors at one end of the vessel won’t be able to coordinate with the other end.  Do they even know they’ve been boarded?
“How?”

We enter the bridge after she kills a handful of other guards with ease.  They’re too shocked by her presence to act in time.  Once the door are sealed and she is working on the control systems she starts talking to me again.
“Well, you know, we do like to be prepared.”
“But you… you ripped his arm off.”
“Yeah, that was super satisfying.”  She looks at me appraisingly.  "Oh, come on.  Is it really that surprising?  You knew we were into changing ourselves, right?  Being strong enough to pop an overgrown bug’s forelimb off isn’t rocket science.“
"Your people are so peaceful…”
“Oh, sure, most of them.  But we did that, too.  Tweaked ourselves over the years to decrease aggression and some of our tribalistic tendencies, increase empathy… all stuff that can be undone if needed.  Though for a good cause even the nicest of us can squish a bug or two.”
“You bond with Ry'ling devourers!”
“Those are the big fuzzy guys that look like cats, yeah?  Those guys are adorable!  But… look, liking some things that could kill us doesn’t mean we’ll sit back and get enslaved.  We didn’t put up with it well when we enslaved each other, and we certainly aren’t going to go for it now that we’re… finally… on the same page about slavery being unacceptable.  It was, uh, a longer time than we like to admit before the last hold-outs were convinced of that one.”

I can feel the ship un-dock.  We’re moving.  "What about all the warriors on board?  They’ll break through the doors eventually!“
"Not according to this control panel here.  Take a look.”
It says there’s no atmosphere in the rest of the ship.  Life signs are negative on all but two of the warriors, presumably the only ones that got to their suits in time.  She disabled all the safety measures, somehow.  She just killed… I check the life signs readout again to confirm the number… three thousand, six hundred, and fourteen soldiers.  Wait, how is it tracking that unless… “Are communications back up?”
“Yeah, I’m calling some friends.  The military is right around the corner, so to speak.”
“But Earth doesn’t have a standing military.”
She laughs.  Not just a little bit.  She’s actually doubled over for a moment, unable to catch her breath.  "Sweet Jeebus, you guys actually fell for that?  No standing military.  Have you read about us at all?“

Three ships appear seemingly out of nowhere, and one docks with the Gaunvan vessel.  Once the atmosphere is restored we head to the airlock to meet them, and I’m surprised by an entire platoon of Gaunvan warriors.  Speaking English.
"Okay boys, send your last goodbyes!  This is in all likelihood a one way mission.  Commander Thorn!  It is an honor to see you again, and might I say you look exquisite drenched in the blood of your enemies!”
She bows to him, blushing, and then salutes the Gaunvans.  Or… humans?  Can they change themselves this drastically?
“You’ve got two holed up in here somewhere.  Bridge is clear, have the techs bring the new brain on board.”
“New brain?”
She looks at me like she’s forgotten that I’m here, and then turns back to the others.  "Men, this is our new friend Ix Malasan who has just been liberated from his captivity.  He’s going to be helping with our intel.  Malasan, yeah, a new brain for the ship.  Once this vessel is cleaned up and back in service with a new crew we’ll be able to take it over whenever we want even if all of our boys get killed.  We cooked up a really sadistic AI for it.“
"But how do you know the protocols?  This was your first contact with the Gaunvans, they’ve never lost a ship anywhere near here!”
“No?  There wasn’t a mining colony disaster two years ago?”
“But that was just an accident… and you weren’t even involved in the war yet… and…”

The faux-Gaunvans have finished boarding.  The one that was talking to them before puts a bladed claw on ambassador - commander - Thorn’s shoulder.  "You coming with?“
"Naw.  Orders said I could only come if they allow ambassadors near extremely high value targets.  Malasan here says they don’t, so I need to wait for my next mission back on Earth.”
“It would have been nice having you with us, Thorn.  Well, maybe we’ll see each other again.  Suicide mission or not, I think I’ve decided to live through it.”
“Bold choice,” she says, and kisses him next to his lower mandibles.
He nods at me, then turns back to his men. “Okay everyone, we are now officially on the job.  And what is that job?”
In unison, they start chanting.

“FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!”

For a moment I nearly feel pity for the Gaunvans.  Nearly.  Commander Thorn leads me off of the ship, and I start thinking about what useful information I can provide the ‘harmless’ humans.  Fuck shit up, indeed.

Okay but Victuuri childhood friends au where Viktor used to babysit Yuuri and he absolutely adored him to the ends of the Earth and called him his lil bro and they used to have slumber parties together and Yuuri used to tag along sometimes whenever Viktor hung out with his friends because Chris and Georgi and everyone also adored Yuuri.

And when Yuuri is 14 he develops the biggest crush ever on Viktor but Viktor only sees him as his little brother so Yuuri is just silently pining away and Chris knows, so whenever Viktor gets a datemate, Chris spends the night in with Yuuri comforting him, watching movies and eating junk food. And whenever Viktor starts waxing poetic about his new s/o, Chris changes the topic asap because he doesn’t want Yuuri to get hurt. He even warns Viktor not to gush about his datemates to Yuuri, and when Viktor obliviously asks why, Chris just gives a bullshit answer like “he’s still young, he doesn’t care about that kind of stuff. You’ll bore him and he won’t talk to you anymore”.

Meanwhile Viktor has a new datemate like every month that he breaks up with like 2 weeks later, and 9 times out of 10, it’s because he literally will not stop talking about how adorable Yuuri is.

This goes on for several years and suddenly, Viktor is 23, and he’s dating this sweet Asian girl who goes to the same university as him and they’ve been together for a month, and he’s starting to think that maybe he’s ready to get serious.

And then.

He goes to pick Yuuri up from dance practice one day. And he’s expecting Yuuri to be doing ballet, and he loves watching Yuuri do ballet. Because he’s just. So graceful and gorgeous.

But he walks in.

And Yuuri’s wrapped around a pole.

And Viktor just fucking. Freezes.

Because holy fuck. Look at those thighs. And that ass. And is it hot in here or is it just me?

He stands there just completely spellbound until he’s broken out of it when he hears a wolf whistle from off to the side.

And he turns to see a dark-skinned young Asian teenager who can’t be much older than 16. And pick-up line after pick-up line is spewing from his lips as he takes approximately three hundred photos of Yuuri from all angles.

And Yuuri starts laughing so hard that eventually he has to come down, and he’s chastising the boy - Phichit - for distracting him.

And the jealousy that flares up in Viktor in that moment alerts him to the fact that, oh shit, he’s in love with Yuuri.

Day One Hundred and Three

-The first guest of my shift placed their babbling, giggling newborn on my conveyor belt for me to ring up, instantaneously paving the way for a bright and joyous day.

-I became ecstatic to find a roll of fresh, new, spring-themed stickers the size of my face at my register. The sticker renaissance shall now commence.

-I rang up an intimidating biker with a wizardly beard for his purchase of one single Dr. Seuss book. I now consider him a close friend, as I stand by my lifelong belief that not a soul who reads Dr. Seuss can do anything wrong.

-Shortly after the discovery of my spring stickers, I came to the realization that they were, in fact, a heretofore undiscovered strand of Christmas stickers that we had not previously had on hand. I do not understand why we have such a large and untapped stock, but I am prepared to make the most of it.

-A man in his sixties, phenomenally spry and smooth-skinned for his age, purchased forty dollars worth of dried prunes. I believe he may have uncovered the secret to immortality. While I appreciate the scientific progress this man is making, I will embrace whatever final form nature has in store for me so long as I do not have to give up my crunchwrap supremes.

-A mother asked her child if he wanted his shoe back, pulling one single Croc out of her purse. I am not sure what he may have done to lose his shoe privilege in the first place, but I am glad to see that he is earning it back.

-After I gave her a sticker, a mother told her daughter, “Say thank you.” In a brilliant moment of word association, she peacefully replied, “You are welcome.” I consider myself blessed by this small person and will live out my life in bliss.

-I befriended the kindest and most eloquent child named Bennett. We shared a lovely conversation, touching on such topics as how nice our respective names are, his recent go-karting accident, his subsequent recovery, and stickers. I believe I may have found my Best Man.

-A woman in her seventies attempted to run her husband over with her cart, gleefully yelling, “Beep beep beep!” Hopefully, I have just received a glimpse into my future.

-I have adopted a new motto in life, and that motto is as follows: “You have never seen true purity until you have seen an infant in glasses." 

my new favorite thing is adding “bitch” to the end of Clexa quotes.


“You’re the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive, bitch.”
“You’re the one who sent them there to kill us, bitch.”

“That’s what it means to be a leader, Clarke. The truth is, we must look into the eyes of our warriors and say, “Go die for me bitch.”

“Jus drein, jus daun bitch”

“Not everyone. Not you bitch.”

“What did you do bitch?”
“What you would’ve done. Saved my people bitch.”
“Where are my people bitch?”
“I’m sorry. They weren’t part of the deal bitch.”

“Don’t be afraid. Death is not the end bitch.”

“You went to all that trouble to capture me just to let me go bitch?”
“I went to all that trouble to save you bitch.”
“You know when I could’ve use saving? When you abandoned me in Mount Weather bitch.”
“Clearly, you didn’t need my help bitch.”
“Clearly bitch.”

“If you betray me again bitch…”
“I won’t bitch.”

“I’m glad you came bitch.”
“Me too bitch.”

“I never thought I’d see you again bitch.”
“I told you my spirit would choose wisely bitch.”


inspired by (x)

book aesthetics: girls reading v2: woc (x)

anonymous asked:

Slides you two buttons and a piece of lint. How about some Voltron Headcanons? Finger Guns out.

lint and finger guns?? sold

  • lance: “don’t worry guys, I’ll stay behind and protect the princess” allura, visibly eyeing lance’s biceps: “…………….. uh okay”
  • fun party game: guessing how keith got kicked out of the garrison
    • he stole a space craft!! (”okay i only stole parts and i was never caught for that” “wait what”)
    • he called iverson a dirty lying quiznak!! (”i didn’t even know that word back then lance”)
    • he tried to alert the public that the garrison was covering up the kerberos mission!!! (”i didn’t but they were”)
    • to be honest he probably just decked iverson
  • coran designed the space pirate outfits himself
  • *hunk crashes his lion* “well, looks like I’ve hit… rock bottom” 
  • weirdly enough, slav is the ultimate It Could Be Worse guy
    • [something goes right] slav, sweating: “there’s a fifty-two percent chance that this’ll still go horribly wrong in some way”
    • [something goes horribly wrong] slav: “i mean i know we just lost an engine, but on the bright side, at least we’re not in one of the three hundred realities where the cockpit blew up instead”
  • sometimes allura’ll shapeshift herself a mustache so she can stroke it pensively
  • keith: “i hate authority figures” pidge: “you’re an authority figure now" keith: “…shit”
  • [lance’s mission log while stranded alone] “i mean, technically i’m the lowest ranked member of the crew. i would only really be ‘in charge’ if i were the only remaining person… so what do you know?? i’m in charge” 
Helena
My Chemical Romance
Helena
Helena | My Chemical Romance

can you hear me? are you near me?
can we pretend to leave and then
we’ll meet again when both our cars collide?

what’s the worst that i could say?
things are better if i stay
so long and goodnight
so long not goodnight

well, if you carry on this way
things are better if i stay
so long and goodnight
so long not goodnight…

AM I?

(sources: this video, and this video)

4

In Which Jim Tells Bones How Much He Really Loves Flowers