the thought makes me want to vomit

You’re Lying - Jaehyun

Requested: I love you. Thank you for creating such beautiful writing 😭😭😭 Anyways, would you please do a ten or Jaehyun angst where you find out you’re pregnant then wanted to tell them but they then tell you that they want to break it off with you. MAKE ME CRY WOMEN. No rush. Btw, love youuyu

A/N: in my defense, idk wut this is-
I sincerely hope you cry, but Admin Kay is better at angst than I am-

Word Count: 573

You threw the plastic device into the trash bin beside you, your hands trembling as you lifted your shirt slowly.
You let out a weak exhale, the thought of pregnancy having never crossed your mind. You glanced at the vomit in the toilet bowl, closing your eyes in realization.

A knock on the bathroom door awoke you.

“What are you doing?”

Frantically, you snatched the pregnancy test from the trash bin, shoving it into your pocket, immediately regretting the decision as the damp tip bled through your jeans. Hurriedly, you flushed the toilet, grimacing at the sight.
You swung open the door, pushing past Jaehyun.

“Answer me” he snarled, blocking your path.

For the past week, Jaehyun was unusually aggressive, constantly paranoid.
His odd behavior drove distance between you two, his hurtful words and sharp glares making your heart shatter.

“Why does it matter?!”

You pushed past him once again, intent on crawling into your bed.

Another knock sounded, both of you directing your attention toward the front door.


Your brows furrowed as an eccentric squeal sounded through the door.

“Who’s that?”

Swiftly, Jaehyun marched toward the door, not sparing you a glance. You followed him, curious who it was.

“Not now!” he whispered harshly through the ajar door.

“Who is it?”

He slammed the door, locking it.

“A stalker.”

“You’re lying.”

You could see his calculated actions, the unnatural words he spewed made no sense.
He crossed his arms, growing defensive.

“I’m not.”

“Who is she?!”

Tears welled in your eyes at the thought of him with another woman.
He gave his answer as he remained silent, his unreadable gaze making you fume.

“It’s like that then-”

Sorrowful tears burned trails down your flushed cheeks as you turned from him, knocking a glass from the counter.
Frustrated, Jaehyun gripped your elbow, yanking you from the pristine glasses upon the counter. His grip was bruising, making you wince.

“Don’t act like you-”

“I’m pregnant!” you interrupted.

He shook his head, wincing at the thought.

“You’re lying!”

You wrenched your arm from his grasp, pulling the positive test from your pocket, shoving it into his hands.
He immediately inspected it closely, gawking in dismay as he read the result. He pursed his lips, his nostrils flaring.
You flinched as he suddenly threw the device at the wall, dismantling it.

“You’re getting an abortion” he sneered, pushing past you.

“No, I’m not!”

“We’re over- and so is that thing” he remarked, slipping his shoes on haphazardly.

“You used to love me!” you sobbed, changing the topic.

“I used to.”

“What did I do?”

Your lips trembled as you awaited an answer, your heart quivering pathetically.

“Nothing. You’re nothing but a whore, you only wanted me for my money, you never loved me” he spat.

“I did, I do!”

He ignored you, slamming the door behind him as he left.

Your hand trembled as your nimble finger hovered over the ‘delete’ option.
Your eyes stung as you glanced at the selected photos, Jaehyun’s warm smile beside you making you let out a muffled cry. His bright eyes and loving nature of the past making your heart throb erratically.

“Forget about him” a voice sounded from behind you on the bus.

You looked over your shoulder hesitantly, the kind smile of the stranger setting your heart at ease.

“You’re too pretty for him anyway” the man chuckled, brushing his bleached tresses from his eyes lazily.


Pairing: Hamilsquad x reader

Prompt: First off, I LOVE your writing, you’re one of my favorite writers in the fandom. You make me wanna start my own imagine blog, even though I’m already a Hamilton writer on AO3. Second, I wanted to request a poly sick fic with Alex/Herc/Laf/John x reader that’s a lot of fluffy goodness please. Also, #southgotitmadeintheshade I’m from Tennessee homie! Neighbor states ftw

TW: Vomit mention, the reader is ill, allusions to Alex’s mom dying.

Word Count: 1662


It’d started with a cough. An innocent, meaningless cough. One that you thought was just a tickle in your throat. It made Alex, and this was a rare occurrence mind you, look up from his laptop.

“Are you getting sick?” He looked ready to gather his things, and vacate the premises, should you answer that question with an affirmative. He didn’t deal well with illness.

“No, hon, relax.” You laughed a bit, shaking your head. “It was just a little cough. You know, like your body does natura-” You started coughing again, this time harder than the last, but you still felt fine. By the time it passed, Alex was already getting his things together.

“Well, I’m headed to the library, I’ll see you tonight, okay?” He said this so quickly, you almost didn’t catch any of it, out the door with his laptop before you could even respond. You pouted a bit. Rude.

It was about an hour later when you were still on the couch, curled up in a blanket. Maybe you were getting sick…you did feel more tired than usual… Alex, as he had said, was at the library, Hercules was making dinner, Lafayette was working on assignment, and your were currently curled to John’s side as you watched T.V. Well, not so much watch as blankly stare because you’re too tired to focus.

“Baby, you okay?” John asked after a while. “You’ve been so tired lately…and Alex told me he left when you started coughing.” He gently pressed his hand to your forehead, and you shied away from it.

“I’m fine, John, really.” You gave a tired smile, even as he continued to worry over you.

Before he could question you any further, Hercules entered with a bright grin, announcing that dinner was ready. You moved to the table with your boyfriends, only to find your plate covered in a smatter of spaghetti, and the tomato sauce it came with.

Your stomach gave a violet churn, and you decided that…maybe it was better that you not eat. “Actually,” You got their attention, watching as John paused where he was already eating, and Herc and Laf stopped the process of taking their seats. “I’m…going to go to bed, I’m not hungry, and I’m pretty tired…night.” You gave each of their cheeks a kiss, before moving to the bedroom you all shared, which was two bed pushed together to fit all five of you. You curled up in the middle, dragging the quilt Eliza and Herc made for your birthday behind you like a cloak. You bundled up.

You covered yourself up, stuffed your pillow beneath your head, and soon, you were fast asleep, unaware of the hell you were in for when you opened your eyes again.


It was the middle of the night when you woke up again. You had to squint to make out the letters on the Alarm clock on Alex’s side. He slept closest to the nightstand on the right, and you couldn’t help noticing he was absent. Did he really want to avoid you that much?

However, you didn’t have much time to dwell on that, seeing how your stomach gave a painful lurch, and you began tearing yourself from John and Laf’s arms to get to the bathroom. You scrambled into the connected room, falling to your knees and holding the porcelain bowl as you started coughing and hacking up what little you’d had to eat the day previous.

You didn’t even realize anyone was up with you until you felt warm hands pulling back your hair from your face, keeping it out of the way and rubbing smooth circles into your back.

“It is alright, ma petite,” Laf cooed to you as you started calming, “let it all out.” You didn’t want to admit how much of a comfort it was, just hearing his voice, cooing to you while you went through this.

You slowly started to relax, dry heaves becoming hiccuped sobs as he pulled you back to let you rest in his lap, and look up at him.

“I-I’m sorry I woke you…” you sniffled weakly, letting him take a cool cloth to your heated, sticky skin. You felt disgusting, but, even like this, he still loved you, they all did.

“Non, it is alright, mon lapin.” He cooed, letting you curl up in his arms. “John is making tea, and Hercules is remaking the bed…don’t worry, you do not need to apologize.” he gave your forehead a kiss before pulling back worriedly.

“You’re so warm…” he murmured worriedly, cupping your cheek as he eased to his feet with you in his arms. “Come, ma petite, back to bed.” He cooed, making you curl into his protective arms.

You emerged to find Hercules waiting for you as well, arms outstretched, ready to accept you into them. Laf deposited you into them, and kissed your feverish forehead before leaving to see about John, and how the tea was coming in the kitchen.

You whined softly, hearing your phone buzzing on the nightstand. You hid your face, and let Hercules stroke your hair as he checked it for you. He gave a soft, deep chuckle, one that rumbled through your aching body rather pleasantly.

“Here…You may want to read this yourself.” He cooed, giving your head a peck. He’d turned down the brightness, as your early morning, hyper-sensitive eyes couldn’t stand the sudden light. An email? This early?

Ah, it was from Alex, no wonder.

‘My love, I’m sorry I left how I did earlier…and, given what illness has taken from me, I hope that you’ll understand my skittish nature…

This is not against you, never against you, I love you, each of you, more than anything else on this earth, but at this moment, I bet you need to hear just how much, right?’ You gave a sleepy smile, and tapped the attached document, as Hercules read over your head. He lightly rubbed your arm, and hummed to you softly.

A document, completely of the different ways and things he loved about you. The way you woke up in the mornings. How you had special pet names for each of them. He mentioned how his favorite of those was darling. How you kissed them all good bye in the mornings, whenever you had to leave. By the time you were done reading, tired as you were, there were tears in your eyes.

God…they loved you way too much for your own good. Even sick, and gross, and having already vomited once this morning, they loved you so much…

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong!?” John worried as he came back into the room, holding a tray with tea, soup, and crackers on it.

“Don’t cry, mon petit, we’re here.” Laf tried to comfort, not realizing the source of your tears was a good reason. It was only about five thirty in the morning, and here they were, fawning over you like mother hens…you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel good to be worried over…

“Laffy Taffy, John dear, don’t worry. It’s just Alex. He wrote them a poem, about how much he loves them.” He laughed softly. He had the best pet names… Herc sat you up, despite your whining that you wanted to relax in bed. The tray was placed in your lap, and you pouted, not feeling very good to eat. But you took the tea, and cradled it in your hands. It…felt good. The heat was nice, against your fever chilled body.

You took hesitant sips as your boyfriends kept talking over you. And you suspected it was about you, but you were way too tired to really focus on their words.

As you started slipping further, the tea was taken from your hands, and you were fed a cracker or two, just to get something in your body, before, finally, you were fast asleep.


When you woke up again, it was past noon, and you were swaddled in so many blankets, you looked more like a cocoon, than a person. John was sitting in the desk chair, playing on his phone with his feet up. He did a double take as he saw you moving, and grinned.

“Awww, there you are, baby.” He cooed, reaching out to stroke the little bits of hair that stuck here and there from the blankets. “Sorry, you just kept shivering, and you needed to sweat this out anyway. How are you feeling?”

“Some better.” You murmured, smiling sleepily at him. “Where are the others?”

“Alex is crashed on the couch, Laf is in class, and Herc,” He paused for a sec, listening for the rhythmic sound of the machine in the next room. “Yeah, he’s sewing.” He smiled, and you smiled.

“Good…” You murmured, curling up a bit. This is just how you liked it. Your boys were all home…they may not have been right beside you, but you felt the love all around you. You wiggled yourself around with a pout, until finally, it seemed John felt sorry enough to help you sit up.

A moment later you were asking to watch a movie, and in a matter of minutes, he was curled around your blanket cocoon with you, while the both of you watched the intro to Aladdin. Herc’s sewing in the next room stopped, and he dashed in after hearing the opening to ‘One Jump Ahead.’ Laf sauntered in a moment later, and Alex came in a little while after, while the Genie was singing his song. They cuddled around you, and held you, and each other, while enjoying the movie. You got to see the most heartfelt rendition of A Whole New World, between Laf and John, and truly, you felt honored to witness that.

Sick or no, this was exactly how you wanted to spend your time. You’d have it no other way.

Man, everything about this prompt was speaking my language!! Again, so, so sorry you guys that this is way later than usual. But I will either post another time tonight, or three times tomorrow, in order to keep on schedule. Thank you for the request, darling!!

Love, Rosalie

Scandalous (M) | 05

PARTS: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05

Summary: When you meet Taehyung in a bar one night, you don’t expect to fall for him. He was different, tattoos inked along his arms and a bright smile on his face. He was the opposite of everything you were; he was free – or so you thought.

Genre/Warnings: Socialite!AU, Badboy!Taehyung. Angst + Smut; It’s angst, fluff, and filth all in one. AKA my 3 favorite things.

Words: 9.7k.

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, lovebugs. I love you a lot. Enjoy xx.

Keep reading

what she says: im fine

what she means: ive been looking through my old stuff trying to make myself cry because i feel like crying bc theres definitely some built up emotional issue happening here but the thought of me having emotions of love and romantic gestures that i tried doing some months ago dont make me sad anymore it just makes me want to actually vomit so like i dont really know what im trying to accomplish anymore so i put on a tiara and started screaming so thats where im at

I’m sorry but NOTHING about Neal’s character was okay. He slept with a vulnerable and scared 16 year old runway while lying about his real age. Then he got her pregnant and left her in prison. Don’t give me that “it was to put her on the path to storybrooke” bullshit. He could’ve broken up with her without getting her arrested and thrown in jail for his crime. Then when he found out about Henry he thought he was entitled to have a relationship with him, and Henry thought so as well. Henry was old enough to understand that what Neal did to Emma was wrong and unforgivable. Yet he just blamed Emma and made her apologize for everything.

The writers must not have teenage daughters, sisters…or y'know, have ever been around a teenage girl. Because the idea of me, my sister, or any of my friends going through something like that makes me want to vomit.

Screw Neal. Screw Snow and Charming for constantly pushing Emma towards him and naming their fucking firstborn son after him. And shame on Henry for idolizing this man who did so much wrong instead of being able to ever even acknowledge that what his dad did wasn’t okay.

Fuck, Emma Swan deserves so much better.


Another YouTube video of an annoying wannabe commentary channel making fun of the lifting community.

Also I love the MS paint beer persona you hide behind it’s real cool and professional.

What do y'all think of this?
Personally I thought this was super cringey and it honestly made me want to vomit.

Don’t delete the pictures. Delete his messages and maybe even his number if it helps you move on, but don’t delete the pictures you took while with him. Trust me, in 20 years, you’ll want to remember the boy who broke your heart when you were sixteen. I know it makes you feel like you’re going to vomit when you see the twinkle in his blue eyes or the angle of his pronounced cheekbones. I know it kills you inside, but you will regret deleting them more than you will regret taking them in the first place. He will be a lesson to your kids or a boy-you-once-knew heartache or even a flitting memory you smile at when you page through old scrapbooks. He once made you happy, he once was one of the most important people in your life, and he once made you happier than you could’ve ever imagined. Don’t delete the pictures. You’ll thank yourself later.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

Last night jase pretended to be a pregnant woman so i could do an abdominal palpation on him and checked my notes during whilst i was harping on about the rationale and the anatomy and physiology and he didn’t even get mad when i kept shouting at him when i got it wrong what a babe
Absolutely crazy though that i’ll do an examination on a real life woman and get it all right and talk her through it without breaking a sweat or tripping over a word
But the thought of doing it for my exam makes me want to vomit

I wish you had hit me
every time I did something wrong
I wish every shout
was followed by a slap
a punch
a kick
I wish my teachers would ask me questions
about black eyes
and that I was told
I would be taken from you
because of all of it.
Because no one cares
about the child
who is afraid to go home
because mom yells
no one cares if I cry
with the thought
of calling you
that I want to vomit when I think of you
that I go silent when you’re around
that I recoil when you touch me
“I don’t abuse you.”
“I don’t come at you with knives”
no you don’t
you just call me names
and put me down
you make me feel
like a mistake
that it’s all my fault
lighting the gas
setting me on fire
till I want to die.
I wish you had hit me
I don’t know if it would’ve worked
but I wish you had
because then someone would believe me
when I say
“I’m abused”
but all my scars
and bruises
are internal.
I can’t talk to others
without fear that
they’ll be you.
I think of you
and I can’t find a good memory
I look at myself
and just hear your voice
I hate myself
because you always
made me feel like
I was just below the line.
That I was a 70%
and never a 100.
I was not a child
I was a puppet
a trophy
a doll or pet
to be dressed and groomed
I was money
and again
and not once could I forget it.
I wish when you threatened
me with a smack
that you just did it
because then
I wouldn’t feel so stupid
crying over just your voice.
—  Based off something I had to say to my aunt when my family didn’t believe me about my mother’s verbal abuse. While I know that neither form of abuse is preferable to -anyone-, this is still a thought that rushes through my mind when I think about my mom. 
Missing Letters Tag 🖊

Tagged by @lyrea. Hayyy thank you sweet pea ;) *also drops late message in your IMs for good measure*

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in your own. when you are done tag up to 10 people….most importantly, have fun!

a / age: Soon to be 27
b / biggest fear: Spiders and heights tend to make me want to vomit
c / current time: 12:30pm
d / drink you had last: Shasta Cola
e / everyday starts with: Shower, brush teeth and putting on my acne lotion
f / favourite song: At the moment it’s “That’s What I Like” by Bruno Mars
g / ghosts are real? (Inserts a tiny story) Around the time my grandfather passed away, I used to stay on the phone legit all day long with an ex-girlfriend of mine. One night she thought I had woke up from my sleep because she got a message from me on Hotmail messenger and she heard typing on the keyboard (because the phone was on speaker). She said she even called my name a few times. I was asleep the entire time. When I woke up the next morning, she told me about it and even showed me the message she’d gotten with the timestamp. It was gibberish, but it creeped both of us out. So yes, I believe they’re real.
h / hometown: Baltimore
i / in love with: Nobody
j / jealous of: Only thing I’m jealous of, is people who have affectionate and understanding parents
k / killed someone: If I did, why would I put that online? Lol. No!
l / last time you cried: A couple of days ago
n / number of siblings: 3 older brothers
o / one wish: Money. Lots of it
p / person you last called/texted: Samantha
q / questions you’re always asked: “Why you looking so mean?” or “Why are you mean mugging?!”
s / song last sang: Party Favors by Tinashe
u / underwear colour: Black
v / vacation destination: Hawaii or Tokyo
w / worst habit: Honestly, cursing. It’s gotten to the point where even the smallest word will slip out during a conversation when I don’t mean to
x / xrays you have had: Back, my head
y / your favourite food: How dare you. I have a lot of favs. Food is life man.
z / zodiac sign: Gemini

Oh, now I have to tag people huh? Alright, picking last simblrs from my notifications. Not obligated to do this if you don’t want to!

@yuriingha, @remysims, @blythelyre, @sympxls, @joyfuljalisasims, @simplysickandtired, @anchoredsims, @lilyshadowwriter, @wonkiie, @princessdejamars, @simmingwiththetide, @freckled-pixels, @simmerjazen

Thoughts/Reviews on recent & upcoming dramas

////// just finished //////

missing 9 >>>>
total flop i dont even wna talk about it… it started off ok but somewhere towards the middle the plot became draggy and the final episode was pretty much trash.. I dont think I would have held on if not for jung kyung ho. 

introverted boss >>>>

I love it but i feel like it’s the kind of drama you can watch or don’t watch. doesn’t make me have the urge to want to watch it immediately when new episodes release. the story line’s progressing too slowly for my liking and park hye soo still has that child actor image which she needs to shed off desperately…. because child actor is the only light I am seeing her in as of now… 

voice >>>>>>
I stopped halfway because the plot is so repetitive a new case every episode and nothing new to shake things up.. im gonna continue watching though, just to see how everything turns out eventually

////// ongoing //////  

defendant >>>>>
ok the first episode and its so lame he woke up in fucking prison overnight??? like ok………. sounds pretty boring already and I heard it took him quite a long time to get out of prison but…. its fucking ji sung I would watch it even if it is torment lol 

strong woman do bong soon >>>>
im at the latest episode (6) and it’s ok so far up till now… but it’s a little slow and the storyline is a little shaky imo.. I don’t particularly fancy hyung sik and the last drama he starred in (hwarang) was bad. I must say though, the characters for both hwarang and this drama is good for his image as they’re the kind of characters that the audience warm up to easily.. I still like his high society role the best up till now. I will continue watching this drama though, because park bo young is a qt and we have JISOO although his role sucks. jisoo has a bad taste in picking drama roles idk why plus he always gets those second lead roles which is annoying BOY DESERVES A LEAD ROLE SOMEONE PLZ CAST HIM. 

tomorrow with you >>>
this drama puts me in 101% agony but LOVE. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
I LOVE IT. I love how we can tell nothing about how the drama is going to play out or even have a rough idea on how it will end.. It’s my first time watching lee je hoon and I must say his acting skills are pretty lit. shin mina is not my fav actress and her role in oh my venus kinda killed my liking for her and it is not helping that her role in this drama is a little bit annoying but I am still quite loving her character in this drama. This drama is a true emotional roller coaster ride. It’s a little dark, mysterious, sad yet full of love at the same time. Hits every fucking spot for a melodrama I LOVE IT. (also can we talk about what a qt lee se joon is.)

perfect wife >>>
I’ll probably watch this for sung joon because I love him although I dont care for the rest of the cast. The plot doesn’t interest me as well also. I’ll watch the first episode and update my thoughts… 

////// upcoming //////

radiant office (16 March)  >>> 
feels like a misaeng spinoff which doesn’t float my boat because Im not 0,001% interested in office life at all.Ha seok jin and hoya are probably the only redeeming factors if I were to watch this drama. I love ha seok jin ever since the legendary witch but I skipped drinking solo because it wasn’t my cup of tea BUT something of 1% was everything. I loved that drama so so much. I’ll update y’all if I were to start on this drama! 

the liar and his lover (20 March) >>>>>
um………. im not a fan of joy neither am I a fan of lee hyun woo. I’ll probably watch it because it’s romance and because there’s probably nothing else to watch. I’ll wait until its at eps 6-8 first tho lol 

tunnel (25 March) >>>> 
an ocn drama and probably a singal spinoff featuring choi jinhyuk which I probably won’t watch unless reviews are super good or if I have nothing to watch which im guessing is going to be the case so ill probably end up watching it here and there like I did with voice… not looking forward although I like choi jin hyuk

whisper (27 march) >>> 
led by lee bo young & lee sang yoon but we have kwon yool as the second lead so I’ll probably hop onto the bandwagon if nothing goes wrong… so far we only know it’s a drama about corruption. 

please find her (28 March) >>>
romance and the only cast I know is lee hyun jae from shut up flower boyband aka one of my fav dramas but the plot seems boring but I’d take boring cuz lee hyun jae’s gonna be in it. I dont care of the rest of the cast though. 

It’s really difficult for me to grasp the concept of someone to ever have romantic feelings for me. The thought of it makes me want to vomit profusely. Whatever your love, compliments, anything you try to smother me in, it doesn’t seem genuine. It doesn’t seem real. I’ve grown too accustomed to being alone to ever see myself content with holding hands with someone.

anonymous asked:

I fucking hate pads,tampons and condoms even when I have to use them I am so grossed out the moment I touch it (mind you I'm talking about them being in a package brand new never touched) I have to wash my hand or I go crazy.i once had a panic attack cus my dad thought It was a good idea to trick me and make me touch it i freaked and fell over and had a full blown panic attack so yeah thanks ocd really appreciate having to hate things I must use

im sorry :( this is how i am with plastic i cannot STAND touching plastic. it’s just so disgusting and the idea of eating or drinking from something plastic makes me want to vomit. i’ve had some breakdowns over it before so i understand and im sorry

Give me something to hold on to because lately I’ve been emptier than the bottle of vodka underneath my mothers pillow
She says she’s not an alcoholic but other kids parents don’t show up to school half dressed
With whiskey hanging off their breath
Other kids parents don’t have a liquor store on speed dial
Other kids don’t clean up their mothers vomit off the carpet

Give me something to hold on to because lately I’ve been struggling to see why it’s worth getting up in the morning
When all I’m going to do is sit in math class imagining a bullet going through my brain
And painting my sorrows on the wall behind me
I can do that perfectly fine without ever seeing the floorboards

Give me something to hold on to because lately I’ve been missing him so much it’s hard to breath
And sometimes I get so delusional from the lack of air that I think he misses me too
I imagine him staring at the ceiling in agony at two in the morning whispering
“I fucked up. I need her.”

Give me something to hold on to
Or I might just let go.

—  Was that a life line or a noose you handed me?– Lily Rain

Okay well I got the email tonight about the video I’m doing and I’m so excited but also nervous that I could just….vomit it all. God I really want to do good on this. The thought of me being able to go to Chicago is just too much. I’m starting to get tired of my job here and all the stupid drama that goes with it and the fact that I have this opportunity is really making me go crazy….like I can just taste it. I tried not to put my heart in this but I know I’ll be crushed if I fuck it up. God. Please let this work out

Gangsta. theory about Nicolas and Veronica (and Alex).

Okay, I see there is a huge interest in my theory about Nicolas, Veronica and Alex (like whoa, seriously guys, I’m quite shocked), so I’m gonna share it with you.
Just before I start, few things I need to point out:
- This post is really long. I’M SORRY.
- I’m not a native english speaker so some linguistic mistakes may occur.
- This theory/speculation/headcanon/I-have-no-idea-how-to-call-it may contain major manga spoilers.
- I MAY BE WRONG.  So please don’t judge me, this is just some kind of thought that hunts me for a few days now. If you want to talk about it, my ask box is always open so please feel free as long as it won’t be a hateful vomit towards myself.

As far as the manga’s plot is going, we still don’t have much information about Veronica, except some images from memories and words from other characters which don’t make much sense by now.
We know that there was some kind of relationship between Veronica and Nicolas, we know that this relationship didn’t end well for her, or maybe for both of them. We know that she almost got killed by Nicolas (this is what granny Joel and Chad were saying) and because of the memories we can see that she was indeed in a terrible shape during her time with Benriya ( I assume that her reminiscence in both Nicolas and Worick’s memory is quite traumatic).
So, with everyone around blaming Nic for Veronica’s current state, I have been thinking - what if this is not 100% truth? 
Let’s assume that they were in a really close relationship. She became Nic’s woman, they were lovers. I think that their relationship was quite brutal due to the Celebrer’s overdosing they both were doing; she was a way more vulnerable to the side-effects of overdosing than Nicolas, so at some point she started to loose her sense of pain (and we know that for sure, Gina is using Veronica as a warning for Nicolas saying “do you want to end up like her?” or something like that) and became more and more muzzy (her expressionless nature is somehow explainable that way). What I believe is if they both loved each other and Nicolas were watching her everyday slowly crawling into an abyss of her own body, he wanted to help her somehow.  
What if she was asking him to make her feel pain, so that’s why she was always covered in bruises, stitches and scars (aside from these she got during the battles)? I think that he wanted to help her so badly that he accepted her calling for help and started to maim her, for a good cause of course. Beating, hurting her, maybe some kind of really hardcore BDSM stuff, but after some time it wasn’t enough for her, she was coming back home with a several battle wounds and she was crying because she didn’t feel pain at all. Maybe after some time the physical wounds that Nico was making to soothe her inner pain became bigger and deeper, maybe she started to self-harming herself because Nicolas began to deny her requests as they went more brutal and he was seeing where this shit was going and he totally didn’t sign up for that.
Maybe one day it all went to the point where she got so harmed to the state every normal person or Twilight who run on balanced Celebrer’s doses would say “enough” while crying in a huge pain, but she didn’t feel anything so she was seeking for more and asked Nicolas and maybe he said “no”, so in an act of desperation she grabbed her knife and chopped off her arm, in front of Nicolas. And she did felt a sweet relief when the pain ran through her body…but it wasn’t a relief to Nicolas at all.
I believe that he grabbed and took her to Theo’s place, they called the police and Nicolas became no.1 suspect. They took him for an interrogation, started to accuse of harming Veronica to almost death state, maybe he couldn’t explain them what happened, maybe he didn’t really know how to explain that. So, as everyone around started to blame him for what happened to Veronica, even if he was doing it all for her own good, he blew with anger during the interrogation and started to destroy everything he found on his way (this may explain why two police men in chapter 7 are saying “it will be troublesome if he keeps breaking the property!” “yeah…but that guys also changed. He used to be such a burden…”).
But why everyone now is blaming Nicolas for what happened to Veronica? Well, if they were in a relationship and people knew about it, seeing Veronica covered in bruises, stitches and bandages almost all the time might made people into thinking that he was physically abusing her. Maybe someone asked them about it, maybe everyone remained silent. But when this shit with Veronica occur, not knowing the actual part of the story people unanimously pointed at Nicolas as the reason for all of this and started to blame him.
The next thing is, why Veronica is living in the “Pussy” when this place belongs to Corsica Family? I think that they choose this place for Veronica to stay, so she could be isolated from Nicolas. If Corsicas truly hate Twilights, this is the only place where Veronica is safe from him. Twilights are not quite gladly welcomed there, we can see it in Gangsta., but, as we know, he had a chance to see her, so I’m starting to believe that maybe Big Mama knows what really happened between these two and she allows Nicolas to see his beloved (ex-beloved?) one. 
And in my head things are getting really fucked up when it gets to the point, how did the relationship between Nico and Veronica have an influence on current relationship of Alex and Nicolas? We can see how he kept her on a distance at the beginning and he lately started to destroy the fences he picked up before. What if the reason (besides the huge resemblance between Alex and Veronica) is that he didn’t want to go through same shit he went with Veronica, he didn’t want to be blamed once again if anything would happen to Alex? I believe he may be feeling quite hunted down because of all this accusations that people are putting on him. What if he is afraid that if anything is going to happen to Alex, even if it obviously won’t be his fault, he is going to be the first to be blamed for? 
But then, why did he stop keeping her on a distance? We can see that something is starting to happen between these two, but really - why? Why is he always there where Alex is put in danger? Why he keeps observing her when they both are alone (this scene at the roof of Theo’s clinic or Alex’s awakening after the bad dream)? Is the reason that the only way to protect her from harm is to not let her stay alone? 
But I guess this is a topic for a different post.

First time (Michael) *


A/N: ok so you’re best friends with mikey but you kinda end up having sex

enjoy x

words: 3000 +


“Y/N, I think it’s time for us to go home.” I say, gently tugging on my best friends arm. We’re at a party at Luke’s place and she is absolutely wasted. Her boyfriend broke up with her a couple of days ago and she’s been very calm about it, but I know that she is hurt, and I think that’s one of the reasons why she decided to drink her ass off tonight, to forget. I have stayed sober for her, thinking that I’ll probably have to take care of her and give her a ride home at least. She is currently making out with some guy, his hands are all over her, making me want to vomit, not that I am jealous or anything, okay I am. We’ve been friends for so long, and I’ve always thought that she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, but she unfortunately doesn’t feel the same way, considering the huge amount of boyfriends she’s had the last couple of years.

“Y/N, come on. It’s late.” I say again.

“Mikey! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She climbs off the guy’s lap and throws herself into my arms, stumbling a bit.

“No, you haven’t.” I laugh and grab her waist to help her regain some balance. “You’ve been busy exchanging saliva with at least a dussin guys. Your lips must be really tired.” I joke, I can basically say whatever I wamt right now, there’s no chance she’ll remember this in the morning.

“Oh but Mikey, my lips never get tired.” She whispers in my ear before she lets out a giggle, making shivers run down my back. Kepp it together Michael, she’s drunk and have no idea what she’s saying.

“Okay, come on. Let’s get you home.” I say and put her arm over my shoulders to help her out.

“No! I can’t go home! I told my parents I was staying over at your place tonight.” She says, looking at me with blurry but pleading eyes.

“They don’t know you went to a party, do they?” I sigh, already knowing the answer.

“No.” She giggles and bites her lip. “I’m a bad girl.” My breath hitches and I can feel a blush rising on my cheeks as we keep walking toward the exit.

“Okay, I’ll let you crash at my place then.” I say, I can’t say no to her and luckily I have my own flat, which means that we won’t have to run into my parents.

I get her into the passenger seat of my car and put her seat belt on before walk to the other side and sit down in the drivers seat.

“You’re not going to throw up, are you?” I ask, I’ve just gotten a new car and I don’t feel like getting it dirty after only a week of having it.

“No silly, I feel fine!” She says and taps me on my leg playfully.

“Good, let’s go then.” I say and pull out of the driveway and head to my flat.

“Miiiiichael. Michaaaael. Mi-Mi. What a weird name.” She giggles. Did she just call me Mi-Mi? I shake my head but can’t help but smile. Y/N isn’t always in a good mood when she’s drunk, she’s kind of a wave of emotions, sometimes she’s bawling her eyes out, sometimes she’s trashing everything that comes in her way and hates everyone and sometimes she’s super cuddly and cute, you never quite know with her, but I quite enjoy this side of her.

“No, I think I like Mikey the best.” She says eventually as we pull up to the parking lot by the flat.

Getting her first out of the car, then into the building, then up four stairs and last but not least into the flat was a challange I’ll tell you. Not that she’s heavy, she’s practically light as a feather, but the fact that she is incredible drunk and touchy made it a little difficult. Her little hands keep making their way to the button of my jeans or even to my butt that she keeps pinching. I try to tell her to stop but she just keeps gigging, and I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not turned on, because I certainly am, and her minimal, tight black dress is definitely not helping the growing situation in my pants.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” I say and lead her into my bedroom. I am going to sleep on the couch tonight, since I don’t think it’s such a great idea to sleep in the same bed as her. “Here you have some clothes you can sleep in, get dressed while I go and get you some water.” I say and throw her a t shirt and a pair of sweat pants.

“Wait!” She says and grabs my hand. I turn around to ask her what she wants but she quickly crashes her lips against mine before I can say a word. The kiss is kinda sloppy and tastes like liquor but wow, how I’ve been waiting for this. It feels amazing, she feels amazing. I move my lips against her hungry ones and place my hands on her waist. 

Wait. Stop. What are you doing Michael? This is wrong. She’s your best friend.

I stop immediately when realization hits me, the voice in my head is right, this is wrong. 

“Y/N, you’re drunk.” I state, grabbing her upper arms to keep her away.

“I know you want me Mikey.” She says and bites her lip, looking at me seductively. Before I have the chance to answer she reaches down between us and grabs me through my pants, making me suck in a harsch breath.

“See! I knew you liked it!” She says triumphantly when she feels my growing bulge and starts palming me, making me let out a strangled moan. 

“Y/N, don’t.” I say and take a shaky breath, I have to learn some self control, this is ridiculous, after just one grab she practically has me wrapped around her finger. I take her hands off of me and take a few steps back.

“I’m not going to have sex with you.” I say, trying to sound convincing but to the look on her face it doesn’t seem like I’ve convinced her at all. 

“Don’t deny it Mikey. I want you so badly, always have.” She purrs. Purrs. My head is spinning of lust, either I completely ignore whatever my conscience is telling me and throw her down on the bed and fuck her into fucking oblivion until I have her begging for me and possibly ruin our ten years of friendship, or I listen to it and walk out of here and have a quick wank in the bathroom and we’ll never have to bring this night up ever again, and we’ll go back to being best friends.

Breathe Michael, she is drunk and may not even know it’s you she’s talking to. Just walk out of here.

Just when I make my decision to walk out and close the door behind me, she roughly grabs my hand and sists me down on the edge of the bed before she straddles me.

“I know you want me as bad as I want you.” She whispers into my neck and starts grinding down on me. 

Shit.” I mumble, feeling myself getting harder and harder by the second. Soon, I won’t be able to stop myself. Her dress has risen so it is situated above her hips and the only thing that are keeping our heated cores from each other are my pants and her panties. She tangles her fingers into my hand and kisses me on the lips, soon slipping her tongue into my mouth, making me groan out of pleasure.

“You feel so good Mikey.” She moans before she moves her hand down to pop the button of my jeans. 

“Y/N…” I say, but it comes out more as a plead than a warning. She of course takes it the wrong way and hurries with my button before she pulls them down my legs along with my boxers. My dick is so incredibly hard and I don’t even have time to think before she wraps her delicate fingers around it, making me let out a satisfied moan. 

I know that she has gone pretty far with a guy before, but I’m almost one hundred percent sure that she’s a virgin, and so am I.

Maybe I can let her finish me off with her hands, and then I can leave.

There’s no other person in the world that I’d rather lose my virginity to than her, but I have no idea how she would feel about this. I know that it is completely and utterly wrong to use her like this, but technically she is the one using me. I am definitely not forcing anything on her, but it still doesn’t feel right.

Just when I’ve gathered enough self control to push her off of me, she drops to her knees and takes me into her mouth. My whole body freezes as waves of pleasure hits me, and every bit of self control that I had is completely vanished.

Fuck it.

I grab her hair out of her beautiful face and she looks up at me with big eyes. I throw my head back and shut my eyes in concentration to keep me from coming down her throat, I swear she could make me come by just looking at me.

She’s still drunk and it is kinda sloppy, but oh my god, it is to good. Her makeup are kinda smudged and one of the straps of her dress has fallen off her shoulder and she has never looked sexier than she is in this moment. Her tiny hand is wrapped arounf the base and is pumping whatever her mouth can’t reach. I keep it together for a few more minutes before I tug at her hair. “You need to stop.” I breathe. She circles the head with her tongue before she lets go of me with a ‘plop’.

“What, why? Did I do something wrong?” She pouts as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“No, no, no! You did amazing, it’s just that I’m going to come if you keep doing that. If you want me to fuck you then you better stop.” I say and pull her up to her feet. She grins at me and immediately starts undressing herself. She turns around and I zip her down, making the dress fall to the floor. She turns around again to face me while she quickly unclasps her bra, letting it joing the dress in a pile. 

“Take your shirt off.” She instructs. It takes a few seconds before I manage to tear my eyes off of her chest. I have literally been dreaming about this moment so many times that I’ve lost count. This moment will last as wanking material for months. 

I pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the floor before I kick off my jeans and my boxers that were lying in pools around my ankles. I grab a condom out of my wallet that is  lying next to me on t he bedside table before crawl backwards till my back hits the headboard. I wrap my hand around my rock hard length and pump it slowly, watching as Y/N steps out of her panties before she joins me. She runs a hand through her hair and flicks it off her shoulder, a few strands hanging down her face as she smirks at me. I am so in love with this girl, and something in the back of my head is hoping that she is in love with me too. 

She straddles me and I grip her hips in anticipation. I know that no matter how drunk she may be, this will still hurt a bit since she’s a virgin after all. 

“Are you sure about this Y/N?” I ask, just in case she suddenly had realized that she in fact didn’t want to have sex with me. 

“You are so silly Mikey, of course I am sure.” She giggles. “Now give me that.” She takes the condom and tears it open before she rolls it onto my length, pumping it a couple of times first. I watch her intently for any signs of regret or discomfort, but all I see is lust and a small smile. I reach down to her core and feel that she is already dripping, making my dick even harder at the thought of being inside of her. I start rubbing her and she lets out a moan in pleasure. She stop my hand after a few moments and lines me up by her entrance. I wonder if this really is the ideal position, what if she loses her balance or something, wouldn’t it be better if I’d top? 

She once again shuts me up before I even have the time to open my mouth, this time by slowly sinking down on me, letting out a moan.

Shit, shit, shit.” She hisses, shutting her eyes. She is all the way down and it fells fucking amazing. I groan and clench my jaw, trying to keep myself from bucking up into her.

“Are you okay baby?” I ask, slowly starting to rub her clit again, just to ease the pain.

Fuck, yes.” She says and starts moving again, this time a tad bit faster. She lifts herself up, her hands on my chest, and then lets gravity pull her down. It is going way too slow for my liking, but I know that I’ll have to let her choose the pace, at least for now. I reach for one of her breasts and start massaging it, loving the way it feels beneath my hand, and concidering her repeated moans, she is enjoying it too.

“You think you can go a little faster?” I choke out, it takes everything in me not to turn her over and ram into her with all my force. She nods and bites her lip as she starts bouncing both faster and harder.

Sot tight.” I breathe, feeling her warm and wett walls clench around me. She is so beautiful, and I am so in love with her, everything is absolutely perfect in this moment, waves of pleasure is attacking me constantly. 

It doesn’t seem like she’s hurting at all anymore, so I decide to take it to the next level. I grab her hips and quickly flips us over without pulling out. She is stunned at the sudden change but she soon wraps her legs around my waist, pushing me toward her. I place my elbows on either side of her head and start pulling in and out of her at a much higher speed. 

“Mikey, I think I’m going to come.” She says, clawing at my shoulder blades.

“Come on, come for me.” I say and seconds later her eyes screw shut, her body gets stiff and her walls tighten around me. Her mouth is slightly open and she is so perfect, I almost come by the sight.

“Shit Michael, I love you so much.” She breathes and those words are what maked me hit my high.

“I love you.” I choke out before I come inside the condom, spilling out every last drop while playing those last words inside my head. My face is in her neck, breathing in the scent of her perfume and shampoo, she always smells nice and tonight wasn’t an exception, even after sex.

Shit. I just had sex with my best friend. 

She had said she loved me, and I had said it back, probably with a whole different meaning, but it had felt so good to say it. 

I slowly pull out of her and throw away the used condom, before I scoop her up in my arms, holding her naked and tired body tightly against my. I kiss the top of her head and wrap my arms around her small waist. We are both still panting, trying to catch out breaths and before I know it I am fast asleep, with the girl I am so utterly and foolishly in love with.


You wake up feeling kinda sore and with a light headache. It takes a while before you realize where you are, but you soon recognize the familiar scent that lingers on everything in your surroundings. You look up and see your best friend sitting on the other side of the bed, fully clothed with his back turned to you.

“Good morning.” You croak out, your voice thick and harsch of sleep. You sit up, holding the cover against your naked torso, while pulling a hand through your messy hair, trying to look it a little less like a birds nest.

Michael turns around when he realizes you’re awake. His eyes are filles with cautionness and guilt, like he has done something bad and you are going to yell at him or something.

“Mornin’.” He mumbles, studying you with his eyes.

“What?” You ask eventually, confused by the weird behaviour.

“You don’t remember, do you?” He asks, biting his lip nervously.

“Remember what?" 

"Shit, I knew we shouldn’t have done it. I’m so sorry Y/N, and I totally understand if you never want to see me every again.” He says with sadness in his eyes.

You scoot closer to him and grabs his face to make him look at you.

“Michael Gordon Clifford, what are you talking about?”

“We had sex.” He blurts out, looking scared. You can’t help but start laughing a little.

“I’m not joking Y/N.” He says sternly, looking at you.

“Me neither Mikey!” You smile at him. 


“Is that why you are so nervous?”

“Well, yeah, aren’t you mad at me? For using you like that?”

“If anyone, I was the one using you Michael. Now get back in bed with me.” You say.

“So, you remember everything?” He says and watches you carefully.

“Yes, and if you ask me, it was hella amazing.” You smile and he lies down beside you, still not quite believing you. You sigh and grab his face once again, making him look at you.

“Michael, I know we are, or were, best friends, but I love you, okay? And I don’t regret a single thing last night, except for being extremely clumpsy, unless you do?” You say honestly.

In fact, you had been aware of everything that happened last night, not everything maybe, but you had been in love with your best friend for at least a year now, and the alcohol only gave you the amount of missing courage you needed to make a move. Until yesterday, you weren’t absolutely sure that Michael liked you back, but you could clearly see it in his eyes last night and hear in the way he say 'I love you’ back.

Michael looks at you, shocked.

“Are you kidding me Y/N? 'Cause I swear I’ll-” You cut him off by placing a kiss on his lips.

“No, I’m not kidding.” You laugh. 

“Then I must be dreaming.” He laughs with you.

“No you’re not silly, just shut up and kiss me.”

“Fuck, I love you so much, you have no idea.” He mumbles against your lips.

You basically spend the rest of the day in bed, cuddling and talking, just like before but the only difference is that kisses and sex are involved.

A/N: ok this took me forever to write so I’d be really happy to get some sort of response? also, send in some requests! x

Why am I not pretty? Michael DDM

Why am I not pretty? Michael DDM
*trigger warning there is self harm in here and in no way do I promote self harm or mental illness so please read at your own risk my ask is always open to anyone who may have the urge or need to talk.*
Y/N’s POV:
I cringed when the words “pool party” left my dads mouth. We were throwing our annual end of summer pool party. I hate it every year for two reasons, one: the thought and reminder that school is here makes me want to stay and bed and never wake up and two: it requires me to wear a bathing suit. The thought of my skin and fat hanging out to show the world makes me cringe and makes me want to vomit.
I trudge upstairs regretting each step that gets closer to my room. I get there and start to pick out my bathing suits. Either a black strapless bikini or a dark tannish frilled one. I chose the black one and started to change.
I was not a pretty 15 year old girl. I was a short and light skin girl who had her dads green eyes and my moms nose. I slip on the bathing suit and scoff, my thunder thighs and prompt stomach makes me disgusted, my family must hate being around me. I heard my dad tell for me to come down and reluctantly I did. I grabbed a towel and a sun dress to go downstairs to my backyard. I was greeted by any uncles and aunts and my cousins. I greeted them back and put on some sunscreen. The Clifford’s were known to burn and turn like lobster out in the sun. I sat on our back patio chair and watch on the sides all my siblings and cousins play in the pool. “Sissy! Come join us!”
My younger brother Jacob begged. I shook my head not wanting to take off my sundress. “She’s to much of a loser to hang out with us!” My older cousin Matthew Hood teased shacking out his dark wet hair. I rolled my eyes trying not to listen to him continue on. My other older cousin Robert Irwin joined in calling me fatty and how I shouldn’t take off my sundress. Like I wasn’t so insecure before I got here. The comments replaying over and over in my head pulling on my heart strings.
I got up and walked back inside then running into my room and broke down. My heart breaking as the sobs went through my body. The hurricane of pain swirling though my chest rattling my bones. I screamed my throat raw and cried my eyes bloodshot. I broke pictures that hung on my wall and dresser not caring about the glass breaking. I grabbed a broken piece of glass and it nicked my fingers as I drug it across my skin for the first time. The unfamiliar stinging as it cut open my thigh. My screams ripped through me not caring who heard. The running upstairs was downed out by sobs and screams. I’ve never cut myself before but I was losing myself and didn’t know anyway to stop it.
The pounding and opening of my locked door was being broken by my dad and uncle Luke. I sobbed harder and harder. My dad held me as my uncle cleaned my mess and went to bandage my wound on my humongous thighs. After countless attempts to calm the flood I was crying, I finally gave up. “Talk to me baby, tell me what’s going on.” My dad soothed me and wiped the hair from my red and pink face. “I’m so fat dad! Why can’t I be pretty! Why can’t I be beautiful!” I asked. He look me dead in the eye and told me,“you Y/N Y/M/N Clifford, are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met ever since I laid eyes on you the day you were born. And you are always always going to be the most pretty and beautiful girl in the world to me. You are so much more, your smart and funny and kind and down to earth. But why would you ever think that of yourself. Your practically skin and bones! Weight doesn’t matter neither does beauty no matter what you weigh and what you look like I will love you all the same I love you. Your my beautiful baby girl, you don’t need to hurt yourself over something so silly. Promise me you will never ever self harm yourself ever again. You will come talk to me next time okay?” The serious tone I’ve never heard him use gave me a sense of comfort in a way. I nodded, “but the boys think I’m a fatty and a big loser dad. Their 17! They must be right!” I argued but my voice scratchy and raw like. “Baby girl, those boys are stupid and will never see daylight again after I’m through. They may be teasing but their teasing the wrong girl here. Don’t listen to a word their saying.” My dad said and I notice Uncle Luke had cleaned all the glass and wasn’t in my room anymore. My dad noticed me peering off his shoulder and he told me uncle Luke was talking to my cousins. I was relieved and embarrassed. I felt like such a baby. I’m 15 for gods sake! But I don’t blame them… I mean look at me. But dads words made me feel less of a big whale.
*few months later*
A few months later after all my uncles yelled and set my cousins straight, my cousins apologized and I never had the need to touch a blade or broken glass again. The mark I left on my left thigh was still there but it reminded me what my dad told me. I got less and less insecure and more confident in who I was and what my body looked like. It took a while but I’m getting there. The help and support of my dad and uncles and even my brother and cousins constantly remind me of what a great life I have to live and how I should love my body because it’s mine and no one else’s.

*unedited sorry about spelling or punctuation. sorry and about the ending the whole imaging request for all 5sos imagines and preferences are open.*

#159 Disney proposal (Phil only)

You both stood in the Magic Kingdom, eyes glued to the magnificent firework show erupting above your heads.

His arm was wrapped around the small of your back and yours were rested on his shoulders.

“That one was pretty,” you commented.

He smiled. “Yep. Not as pretty as you,”

“Oh man, come on Phil. Don’t make me vomit while trying to watch the fireworks.” You laughed.

He touched the small velvet box that had been sitting in his pocket all evening. He wanted nothing more than to open it to you.

“We’ll make a wish, and do as dreamers do. And all of our wishes will come true,” the song played throughout the park.

‘Now or never,’ he thought.

With a mental deep breath, he pulled away from you.

“Phil? What are you doing?” You furrowed your brows.

“Y/N.. Please, make my wish come true. Will you marry me?” His voice was shaky as he got down on one knee.

Your eyes went wide and your hand covered your mouth. Tears quickly overflowed down your cheeks and all you could do was nod.

Phil got up off the ground and the the ring onto your finger. “Thank you so much,” he hugged you tightly.

The small crowd around you cheered. You pulled back from the hug, both of you grinning.

As you went in for the kiss, one last, enormous firework went off.