the things i do with my spare time

so like, hisham matar stopped in to talk to my translation class today and tbh i’m pretty sure we don’t deserve this dude, he’s lovely and thoughtful and funny and hesitant when he wants to do a nuanced idea justice and overall a real person who resists having his relationship to language lumped into a convenient stock narrative, and i’m mad i’d never heard of him before! his memoir won a fucking pulitzer this year, what rock am i living under!

anyway i really wish i could, like, sit down with him and discuss the meaning of life over coffee, because frankly anybody who both thinks human consciousness is the most amazing thing that ever happened to them and is willing to say so is obviously a Kindred Spirit, but failing that the next best thing is probably to read his book. so like, gonna try and do that maybe—in, you know, my copious spare time, ahaha—but i figured i should mention the impetus here, both to keep me honest and because probably some of you could stand to check this dude out too?

anonymous asked:

I've been bored a lot lately, what do you do in your spare time?

My top 10

1. hauturely.com - The hottest models on the planet
2. commaful.com - Most addicting stories I’ve read
3. omegle.com - Talk to strangers
4. uncrate.com - The ultimate in technology 
5. thisissand.com - Draw things with sand
6. koalabeast.com - Play capture the flag
7. dearblankpleaseblank.com - Funny letters from others
8. fmylife.com - Sad stories that happened to others
9. ted.com - Some extra education
10. pornhub.com - Just becase…

what are some of your faves???

wolfraya4  asked:

Hi, I really like how you draw and also how you do your style, but could you publish a drawing that is from your beginnings ?. Well I've been drawing for some time but sometimes I do not see progress in my drawings. I would be inspired to see how you started to keep going and get to your level

i could really spare myself the embarrassment and really cherrypick this but nah let’s do this

remember that as long as you’re drawing and making an effort, then you’re evolving as an artist. improvement can be a slow process but the more you work, the more you learn new things and discover different methods to try. not everything will be good and sometimes things will feel really good- there were a bunch of times i looked at a drawing and thought “this is my finest work so far” and now it’s just…. not because i kept moving forward from it! i guess my cheesy inspo advice is: take pride in your work but never get complacent because there’s always room to grow! case and point, here’s some stuff i was very proud of at the time i drew them lmfao:

Go for the thing you actually want to do.  

Many students, teachers and family told me studying 2D animation in school from 2009- 2013 was foolish because there were already no more 2D animation jobs, and that I should study 3D animation. But I hate rigorous, technical work, I honestly hate computers all together. I’m not built for that kind of thinking, and I’m not interested in it. I was and am far more interested in drawing and film making than mastering technology. I’m almost four years out of school now, and have now had far better career opportunities than many of my 3D classmates because I am passionate about what I do.

My senior year of college,  I narrowed the parts of the animation process that I am most interested in to writing and storyboarding. But, I was afraid to pursue those jobs because I knew from interning in studios that they were highly coveted positions. So, I went for cleanup and animation jobs, hoping to work my way up. I even got lucky and landed character design work down the line, though I’m not particularly interested in design. It was only when i started taking storyboarding classes, making storyboards in my spare time, pursuing storyboarding jobs, calling myself a storyboard artist, that those opportunities started to become available to me. And it turns out, I’m far better at storyboarding than I was at those other positions, because it’s the thing I enjoy the most. This is not to say “don’t take that cleanup job that pays the bills.” Take that job, and do online storyboarding classes at night, and read storyboarding blogs on your lunch break, make storyboard samples and comics in your free time on nights and weekends… Then, ask for storyboard tests, and test and test and test. It might take a while, no worries. Go ahead and put ‘storyboard artist’ on your website in the meantime instead of ‘illustrator’ or 'cleanup’ or whatever your more accurate fallback job is.

Don’t work in a studio in your fallback job and wait for someone to give you the opportunity. You might think because you are hard working at your compromise job, the management will reward loyalty with the job you politely asked for, or maybe were even too polite to actually ask for. They won’t give you that job. They probably won’t even help you get that job. So test within that studio if they’ll let you, and apply other places in the meantime while you keep paying the bills with that job.

There’s no excuse to me. Even people who want to direct can direct their own animated shorts in their spare time and build up a commercial directing portfolio from those shorts. You can do the same thing making crappy live action films with borrowed equipment in your spare time. It’s costly and time consuming, but you can throw your musician friend a couple bucks for the score, get a compositor buddy to throw effects on your short in exchange for some animation she needs, and buy a bunch of friends pizza to help you clean up scenes or hold lights or whatever. I’ve done it before.

I used storyboards as an example above, (read blogs during lunch, etc.) but apply that same tenacity towards whatever you want to do: vis dev, character design, comic penciler, stop motion fabricator, 3D modeler, whatever. I want to be a writer now, that’s the next hurdle for me. I’ve written two pilots and I’m taking it seriously, going to writing events, talking to people, refining my work and writing new material, and generally conducting myself as a writer. I have no idea how long, or even if this will take, but I’m pursuing it like it’s real because I enjoy writing, so I think I’d be good at it. Please don’t be one of these people that talks about all the stuff you’re “working on”, when you are really just thinking about working on that stuff. Too many of those in the world, please just go and get things done. “There are those who write, and those who talk about writing.” An adage I like. Apply it to whatever you like “There are those who design characters, and those who talk about designing characters…”

So please, everyone, go for what you want, don’t stop short now. You’ll be a lot better at your job when you’re doing the thing you like.

Things I learned you’ll actually need for your dorm after one year of college that you probably won’t see on pinterest

So, I recently finished my first year at college (which was definitely an adventure, and probably one of the best years of my life so far) and I’ve made a few mistakes, but none that couldn’t be fixed. For example, I really didn’t do adequate research as to what I’ll actually need for my dorm room because I was too busy fantasizing how I was gonna diy decorate my dorm room into a pinterest masterpiece. Anyway, I quickly learned my lesson.

Basically, your dorm room isn’t just for display. You live there. It’s gonna get messy, it’s gonna have to store a lot of stuff, and you’re not always going to have time to keep it in pristine condition because life gets crazy. But you can deal with it, I promise, and for all the new freshman prepping for their first dorm experience, I want to give some advice on how you can be prepared for what college life actually hits you with.

Alright, so I actually ended up being in a triple (so I had two roommates) which meant I had even less space than the average broom-closet sized dorm room and I had two people I had to get along with. Thankfully, we all ended up being really close and very considerate of each other, and I am incredibly grateful for it. We learned our lessons together, and this is the list of stuff we came up with:

1. Vacuum: Get a real vacuum, maybe a cheap one (not like a crazy dyson), but a real one. Not just a handheld one (like we had) because it won’t be enough. Girls shed hair. A lot. (especially three long haired girls like us) People might accidentally spill a bag of powdered sugar on your rug, or you might rip open a bag of cereal a little too vigorously, or, more seriously, you might break something like glass and you don’t want anyone cutting open their foot on a shard. 

2. Swiffer: If your floor was linoleum like ours (that’s why we needed a rug, which I’ll mention later), then it will get dusty and dirty. Having a swiffer is just nice to have because once you vacuum your rug clean, you don’t want the dirt on the linoleum getting on the rug. Plus, it’s gonna a rain and there’s gonna be mud. It’s gross.

3. Brita filter: So my dorm was actually the absolute best freshman dorm not just because the people were amazing, but because we had sinks. IN OUR ROOMS. It is just so CONVENIENT. Anyway, I am fully aware that not everyone is as lucky as us and the only sinks will be in the bathroom. A Brita filter pitcher is nice to keep in your fridge because you can have fresh clean in your room at any given moment.

4. Trash can: We had three in our room for each person but they kinda ended up being shared based on location in the room, but yeah. You need somewhere to throw away stuff.

5. Plastic bags or just garbage bags: And not only do you need a place to throw away stuff, you need plastic bags or garbage bags for clean disposal. And trash piles up real fast in your tiny room, so you’ll need to replenish these bags very often. I learned from my mom that you always have a place to store your plastic bags, and so we had a designated plastic bag drawer where we kept all the bags from our local campus convenience store, or the drug store, or wherever. Trust me, it’s saved lives. (as in, barf bags)

6. Command hooks: So we had to bunk two beds and loft another to have enough room and it’s kind of a pain in the ass to constantly climb down to throw something out so we had a trash bag hanging from a command hook on my roommate’s lofted bed and yeah. That bag has saved lives. (same situation as above) Plus, you can hang hats, bags, towels, little caddies for your toothbrush off of these hooks and it’s just so nice because you don’t lose things.

7. Clorox wipes: Again, stuff gets gross, and you’ll unfortunately need to clean things (ie your mom doesn’t clean everything for you anymore). Have two packs stored because you never know.

8. Dish soap: Real dishes need to be washed well, or else you’ll get sick.

9. Sponges: For the dish soap. And the dishes.

10. Windex: For our mirror, which we wrote on with washable marker, and I killed ants with it too. 

11. Storage for food: Something airtight so bugs can’t get to it, like a trunk. We also had mice sometimes go into our vents. And then into people’s rooms. They’re looking for a warm place to hide, and food. Don’t leave food out is the lesson. But also have food in your room! Our room was well known to always have food and its really nice when you’re staying up late and everything is closed.

12. Tissues: Freshman plague is so real. You will most certainly get it, and probably several times too. 

13. Vitamins and medicine: Your immune system is gonna get a work out in college. Help it out with some vitamin C tablets. Have some tylenol or advil for headaches and aches and pains. And side note, if you’re really sick, just go to the health center, you don’t have to suffer through it.

14. Slippers: Get a comfy, cheap pair (because sometimes dorm hallways are gross, especially on the weekends) that you can wear all around your building and still be comfy.

15. Power strip: So much stuff needs to be plugged in and you definitely won’t have enough outlets between you and your roommate(s).

16. Printer: Okay, this seems a little unreasonable, but we were lucky because my one roommate had a spare one at home (how though??) and I have frequently said it is my favorite thing in our room. It has come in clutch so many times. But if you have a campus printer near you, or if its too expensive, it’s fine not to have one. But if you do get one, I would recommend getting one that is NOT wireless. University wifi doesn’t like you using other wifi (ie it won’t work). Get a printer that has a cable.

17. Plastic plates and forks: We have real dishes and silverware too, but plastic stuff is just easier clean up.

18. Rug: I almost forgot about this one.The floor gets cold and a rug also makes a room feel homier. You and your friends are gonna sit there and bond all that fun stuff, and someone might even sleepover on it (if they have a sleeping bag).

19. Chairs: So we actually didn’t have any other chairs other than the ones that university gave us for our desks and those are okay and everything, but some of our friends had these amazing, foldable, springy chairs that were so comfortable and also a lot of fun, and I am definitely getting one for my room next year. 

Other things you might need but might forget (maybe?):

Razors

Umbrella

Rain boots

Rain coat

Extra towels

Contact solution

Favorite mug

Tea

Stapler

Make up wipes

Facials

Lamp

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, you’ll definitely need other things (like a fridge, microwave, sheets, pillows, decorations, etc), or see that you really don’t need some of the things I’ve mentioned. Honestly, do what you feel is best and good luck! I loved my first year at college! Like basically everyone, I had some trouble adjusting at first. I felt pretty lonely in the beginning too, but once you start going, things start to fall into place. I met some great people, had some great classes, and honestly, I’m going to miss my first year–even with all the excitement of being an upperclassman next semester.

I hope this helped and that you have just as great of an experience in your first year as I did–actually, even better!

Humans are weird: Songs everyone know.

Kun’aquk is new to this whole ‘bringing humans out into space’ thing, but he feels like he know what he’s doing. He’s read the guides, and has gotten help from other companions aboard the small (in his mind, not in the humans. Apparently, they don’t have ships as big as the average Galopertaions) ship, only containing a quonton full of alien species. 

Kun’aquk feels he knows what to expect, and how to deal with certain situations, like if a human goes missing or brings back a non-toxic Avregation as a ‘pet’. So, he braces himself, and heads down to the work station of the group of humans, referred to as the specialists. 

He rounds the corner and faces the gravitational steel door, waiting for entry. Nothing happens. He presses one of his talons against the communication button and speaks through it in a gargled voice.

“This is Kun’aquk of Sector 318. I am hear for an observation course.” He clicks off and waits for entry again. This time the gravitational door opens and he steps through. 

He is approached by a young human, and going by his observations, it is a female. 

“Hey sorry man, couldn’t hear ya. Jackson over there was playing his music too loud. I’m Gabbie.” She sticks out her appendage and bares her teeth. At first, Kun’aquk feels threatened, and almost raises the gland beneath his digestive sack to show dominance, but remembers this is the humans way of being “friendly”. He looks down and the pale appendage and looks back up at her face questioningly. “Oh, sorry. I’m Gabbie of Sector 561, Terra.” She lets her appendage drop, but continues to bare her teeth in a “smile”. “Take a seat where ever you need to. Please refrain from staring, I know that is something you species likes to do, but with the gooey sack in the front of your head, and the four eyes, it kinda creeps us out. No offense.” Kun’aquk’s ear tufts turn a shade of pink, for confusion, but he remains silent. “Uhh, hmm. Jackson likes to play his music, I like to knit in my free time. Sam over there likes reading, so you’ll find him doing that, and Sara, the one up on the supportive beams, likes to sculpt things out of spare parts. Today is our day off, so not much is going to be happening, if you don’t mind. Annndd.., that should be all. I think. If you have a question, feel free to say it out loud, it’s not rude.” Kun’aquk nods, and his eyes follow Gabbie back to her seat before he takes out his tablet and clicks a few buttons, taking notes down. 

It’s been a bit of time, an hour, as humans would call it. The room has a calm atmosphere, filled with music from Jackson, and clicks and clinks of metal from Sara as she sculpts. No one is talking, and everyone is minding their own business, when the song changed on the radio. It’s lyrics begin to fill the air.

“Young man. 

There’s no need to feel down. 

I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.” 

“Is that YMCA?” Sara questions from the beams. Sam puts down his book.

“Yeah I think so.” Kun’aquk put’s down in his notes, “Are familiar to certain musical tunes.” 

Gabbie turns to Jackson. “Dude, turn it up!”

“You can. Stay there! And I’m sure you’ll find many ways to have. A. Good. Time.” 

“Shush it’s coming up!” Sam whispered while standing up with the rest of the group.

“It’s fun to stay at the Y,” The group of humans throw up their arms to form a ‘Y’. “MCA!” Everyone continues to move their body to match the letters being spoken in the song. Kun’aquk looks around in confusion. To humans regularly move their bodies to certain songs? The song ends, and the humans turn back to their activities, like nothing happened.

Kun’aquk turns to his tablet and writes in his notes.

“Humans recognize certain sounds produced by any creature. Do not make any recognizable sounds, as the humans will move their bodies as a way of intimidation.”

Subtle
  • Harry: Malfoy, do you have a spare quill?
  • Draco: Why? So you can subtly touch my hand and leave me wondering if that was intentional or not?
  • Harry:
  • Draco: Next thing I know, you'll be shoving me against a wall and kiss me.
  • Harry:
  • Draco: Or better yet, we will be locked in some random room, forced to share a bed.
  • Harry: What?
  • Draco: What, it could happen!

anonymous asked:

may i suggest rebooting the main four when the old main four die, but have them all be dating the second time around? and have their next gen be their joint kids? (Ninette, alyadrien, adrienette, djwifi)

….lowkey ive already started a rebooted ot4 playthrough (i call it the Gayu)….

Basically the main squad are a bunch of starving artists sharing a studio apartment in the city

Marinette is an aspiring painter who sell her art on the streetcorners

Alya is an aspiring author making money off her blog and freelance journalism

Nino is an aspiring dj who plays music in public squares for tips

Adrien is an aspiring dancer who makes a living as a human statue performer

Basically they are all broke and gay and in love and its everything I adore

✨ beginner polytheist tips✨

I notice a lot of new polytheists and aspiring devotees asking what to do to find their deities/feel closer to them/talk to them/etc, so I thought I’d share somewhat in detail what has helped for me when I chose to put my faith in them - aside from prayer and divination

🌱🔸 make plans/rules for yourself and follow them. habit forming is a stepping stone to worship. for me, if I don’t do anything else faith-driven, I at least ring my chime. It doesn’t have to be so obvious, try to work it into your normal routine

🌱🔸just about anything can be an offering! buried offerings are my biggest but writing, brushing your teeth, self control, treat yo’ self, baths, your blog, video games with character select any video games, photos, playlists - you name it. if it makes you think of them, it honors them

🌱🔸on the other hand - if you feel they are stubbornly distant, study them more, try new offerings, look elsewhere. do you have pop culture icons that remind you of someone without inherently representing them? has something at the store been catching your eye? dig deep, follow your gut!

🌱🔸if they do at all, they will not likely present predictably. they have shown themselves to me through physical objects, in birds, in the sunlight between the blinds, in baths, the melodies of my heart, and I suspect endless other variations. but never once did i expect it

🌱🔸 rainfall can be an excellent tool for communication. speak/pray to your deity and listen to the shift in the weather for responsive gestures

🌱🔸 new moons are good for being noticed! light candles to illuminate yourself, talk to them full moons are good for noticing them! turn out/dim the lights and let yourself be overwhelmed

🌱 🔸can’t bury/burn food? don’t like throwing away offerings? your deity might prefer that you eat it for them! if you have strange cravings or see something new, indulge! even if you don’t like it, you tried it for them and tbh that’s just as special

🌱🔸if you’re having trouble branching out, ask your current deity what they think of other gods you are interested in. pay attention when you reread their summaries, was there someone who stuck out this time? don’t forget, the lore is not a set in stone representation of their behavior/interactions with others but it’s important to still be mindful

🌱🔸 if you are trying to use divination, ask your tools what they think of your deities/reach out to a third party diviner some readings might be more willing (and more helpful!) than others.

🌱🔸 if you can’t lucid dream/astral travel (like me) give daydreaming a try! concentrate on what it would look like if you had a meeting spot with your deity. picture what you would wear (if anything), how large or small they are, setting details, lighting, etc. then lose yourself in that world during mediation, chores, walks, right before bed, whenever you can zone out

🌱🔸 if you still can’t, fake it til you make it. improvise with nature sounds, sit in the dark (if you’re okay with that), watch optical illusion gifs, anything that can get your mind creating. take notes on your theories and keep track of what you’ve tried.

🌱🔸 limited supplies? pick from what you’ve got save old jewelry for charms, grab your spare crystals, trinkets you’ve held onto for years, and you can use divination - or my personal favorite “just guess” what they might like. interacting with their item could help form those bonds

most importantly- keep them in your thoughts! you don’t have to do any of these things at all to connect with or find your deity. in fact, I have tried all of these countless times and still not reached some in particular. you might find your own method along the way and that’s all the more special.

remember that whomever they are, they love you already and they know you’re trying

Sylvia Plath for the Signs
  • Aries: "It is so much safer not to feel than to let the world touch me."
  • Taurus: "Kiss me, and you will see how important I am."
  • Gemini: "I want to talk to everyone as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night."
  • Cancer: "Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little?"
  • Leo: "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I have taken for granted."
  • Virgo: "Go out and do something. It isn't your room that's a prison, it's yourself."
  • Libra: "Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen."
  • Scorpio: "Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand."
  • Sagittarius: "I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married... Spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free... I want, I want to think, to be omniscient.
  • Capricorn: "For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that- I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much- so very much to learn."
  • Aquarius: "I took a deep breath and listened to the deep brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am."
  • Pisces: "I dream to much, work too little."

Context: due to an inside joke, the central town in my home brewn campaign is a swedish town whose most famous feature is the big Picasso statue (yes, by the man himself). The joke of the hour is that it’s “the town that Picasso chose”. The party had just finished a quest and was preparing to go shopping, but our session had gone on for a few hours at this point.

Dwarf (ooc): so I wanna take off and go to bed. 

Me (DM): Sure, the others can do some shopping if they wanna, you can do that at the beginning of next session.

Dwarf: coolio *leaves*

Half Elf: Soooo is his character just standing in the corner watching us shop or-?

Tiefling: Nah, he went to check out the Picasso sculpture

DM: *snorts* yeah sure that’s where he is

-The sessions ends with a mysterious earthquake that leaves everyone unscathed, the next session begins like this-

DM: so, Mr. Dwarf, unfortunately you’re gonna have to roll a dex saving throw-

Dwarf (ooc): What? Why? I thought I was gonna go shopping first thing! *fails the roll*

DM: The Picasso sculpture you went to see has fallen due to the mysterious earthquake, and you are crushed underneath.

Dwarf (ooc): I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WENT TO SEE IT

Tiefling (ooc): trust me i think we know what your character would do with his spare time better than you, and who could resist the sculpture? after all-

Everyone: THIS IS THE TOWN PICASSO CHOSE

OTP Things:

1. “No, I lost my key. You lost the spare key. And I’m locked outside in the fucking rain!”

2. “You know that thing your phone does…when I vibrates? It means I’m calling you. So freakin’ answer!”

3. “Wakey-wakey eggs and bakey.”

4. “Hey, get me a drink, scumbag.”

5. “No pillow fights! You broke a window last time.”

6. “Why do you tangle your legs with mine? It hurts my junk.”

7. “Babe, it’s Mario Kart. Please don’t give me the silent treatment.”

8. “Aww you made me dinner? What do you want.”

9. “Sex. Sex. And Sex. That’s what I want for Christmas.”
“Good, ‘cause I’m broke.”

10. “Beg me…or you’re not getting the charger.”

this is new
and weird
but i like the thought of it

you and me
together
and it actually happened

but i’m scared
i don’t know
i’m just stupid that’s all

i don’t wanna hurt you
or corrupt you
because you’re innocent and fragile

i do bad things on my spare time
smoking weed and drinking vodka
and you probably don’t know that yet

so i’ll just play innocent
i’ll say i’m inexperienced
because i don’t wanna lose you just yet

“I’m a coward. Such a freaking coward!”

Dean heaves a deep sigh and rubs his temples in a weak attempt to order his thoughts. It feels like a goddamned roller coaster in there and he really doesn’t know what to do.

“It’s just … it should be easy, right?” he continues, shaking his head. “They’re just words. Granted, huge words. Words I never said before to another person outside of my family. But …”

He pauses, looking at the big golden eyes in front of him that study him expectantly.

“What do you think, man?” Dean asks. “Am I a coward?”

No reply, just an intense stare.

“Or am I crazy?” Dean suggests. “For talking to a frigging cat of all things!”

Mojo finally decides to blink … and stays quiet.

Stupid cat!

“I am crazy!” Dean groans, throwing his hands into the air. “Instead of facing my boyfriend and telling him that I love him, I’m talking to his cat who likes to chase flies and lick his butt all day. That doesn’t make any sense!”

Mojo tilts his head – and damn, he does look a bit like Castiel that way – and eyes Dean in that typical humans-are-quite-weird way. He did it the very first time Dean came over – the night after his first date with Castiel, him being all jittery and jumpy, wondering whether the ‘tea’ Castiel offered him at the front porch with a warm smile before inviting him in actually meant a hot beverage or something completely different, his nerves all over the place – and Mojo obviously thought him the weirdest person on the planet.

(By the way, the 'tea’ actually turned out to be tea. That … and the best first kiss ever!)

Since then Dean’s relationship with the cat is kinda reserved. Mojo mostly stays out of sight or at least far away, just staring at Dean as though he hopes that this odd human would finally disappear and never return. There is wariness and suspicion and Mojo only condescends to ignore all this when he’s in the mood for some proper petting.

“You don’t care about my problems, right?” Dean sighs. “I mean, you’re a cat, why should you? You probably think I’m dense for not having the nerve to tell my boyfriend – my beautiful, gorgeous amazing boyfriend – that I’m hopelessly in love with him. That the last few months had been the best of my life. That I’m, without any doubt, the luckiest guy alive.”

He shuts his eyes for a second. “He’s so awesome, you know? Everything I ever hoped for and at the same time so much more! I’m so crazy about him, you’ve got no idea.” He fidgets awkwardly. “But how do I tell him all that? I’m so awful at the feelings-crap and as soon as I look into his pretty eyes I’ll forget anything I wanted to say.”

Mojo dignifies Dean’s little meltdown with a big yawn and an I-couldn’t-care-less expression.

Dean, however, just lets it pass. “How do normal people do it? Just say it right into the person’s face?” He bites his bottom lip in frustration. “How?”

“There are some who talk about it with their boyfriend’s pet,” suddenly a very deep and very familiar voice interjects.

Dean leaps to his feet immediately and stares at Castiel with wide eyes. “Cas!”

Of course he shouldn’t be surprised by his boyfriend’s presence since this is Castiel’s place after all and he only left to run a small errand, even reassuring Dean that it “won’t take long”, but for some reason Dean totally missed how much time already passed.

Castiel, however, seems highly amused. “So that’s what you’re doing when I leave the house? Having deep and meaningful conversations with Mojo?”

The cat merely spares them a brief glance before starting to lick his paws and ignore them in a way only cats manage to do.

Dean smiles crookedly. “He’s actually not the best to talk to.”

Castiel takes a step closer and chuckles. “Don’t worry, I’m doing the same thing all the time.”

Dean lifts an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes.” Castiel cups Dean’s cheek, his fingers so warm that Dean instantly leans into the touch. “Just yesterday I told him how much I love my boyfriend.”

Dean’s heartbeat picks up its pace rather spectacularly and he can’t contain a beaming grin. “You do?”

Castiel hums in affirmation, his nose brushing Dean’s. “Very, very much.”

The kiss that follows is sweet and soft and it makes Dean’s skin tingle in the most pleasant way possible.

“I love you too,” Dean whispers before surging right back in.

And on the couch Mojo continues to groom his fur and probably wonders why humans are so annoyingly complicated.

     I get that Buster wearing an over-sized shirt is  “ cute “  but I’m a bit tired of people ignoring WHY he’s wearing such a shirt and saying how ‘funny’ or ‘cute’ this scene is because of it. The creators said Buster ‘dresses to impress’ and I believe this symbolizes a few things here.

     If you take a look at the room, you can see Moon probably was there for a bit. Eddie appeared to have bought them a pizza to eat, and even made a little bed for his friend. Sounds like a typical thing I do for my own friends! I’ll even spare them clothes to wear. But consider this:

                  MOON HAD NO HOME TO GO BACK TO.

     When the theater crumbled down, Buster lost all of his belongings … plus the only place he counted as his “house”, for he was sleeping in the drawer. Probably couldn’t afford his own place, AND the theater at the same time. All he got to take back with him was the clothes on his back, his father’s old car wash bucket, and the picture frame of when he first opened the theater.

     So, the shirt Eddie offered him to wear, deep down, is kind of … sad. Moon is probably washing the ONLY outfit he himself owns, but he probably doesn’t even care that much at that point. There is no reason to dress to impress anymore. Eddie is a good friend for letting him wear an old college shirt, even if its a bit big on Buster. 

     The whole scene when everyone comes to help Buster, and he tells them “NONE OF THIS IS OKAY” says a lot, really. He isn’t lying anymore. He isn’t going to pretend. From this moment, we can see the amazing character development the characters have went through so far —— and how despite Moon lying, and that there is no prize, and that there is no theater … everyone still comes around to SUPPORT Moon, and wishing to do the show. 

     He ignores any sort of help, for he is hopeless at this point. He doesn’t CARE how someone sees him at this point. This is so against his character beforehand, so we can tell how broken Buster is in this.

     Hell, even when he’s reading the newspaper, and what they said to him … do you know what he does? HE BOWS. As if he’s like  “this is me. this is all i am. this is what my life is.” and he does later say this! Admitting how AFRAID he is. Well —— wouldn’t you be in his situation? 

     So, I don’t find this scene cute at all. It’s really sad really.

7

My health physically and mentally has been shit lately. I’ve been losing a lot of weight, not eating, sleeping, all of the above. I recently started having seizures and blackouts a week ago! I have not had them in 9-10 years, so you can imagine my ass being scared as fuck not knowing what is happening with my body. Also in the past week, I have had to give up my car and quit my job because of this.

I am now on bed rest and I hate it; However, I do want to use all the spare time I have to bring awareness to invisible disabilities. This shit is no joke. I’ve suffered long term abuse within my ‘family’ and in past relationships. I’m now suffering with ptsd because of it. I spoke out plenty of times when things were wrong, no one took my word for it. NO ONE. Now those incidents have had a long term affect on my health. Probably something I will be dealing with for the rest of my life.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy, I just want to talk about it. Mental health overall is something that isn’t discussed enough in OUR community. So, I would just like to share my journey with y'all and see how I will progress from here.

Also, I’m so FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF. I just thank God he continues to keep me alive and endure all of the bullshit that comes my way. I find a way to smile through it all.

@imrhondavernell @saline–queen thank you babes for everything


Happy Blackout Y'all ☀️💛☀️

IG: stillquiteunspoken ☀️🤗
How Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart

It’s incomplete, but I had to get this out of my system:

How Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart

Persona 4 is a funny game. It is also a long game, and that allows the social simulation aspect of it to really work, allows you to feel at home with the characters, through charm and repetition - grumpy Dojima, overly energetic Chie, confused heart of gold Kanji. Through little bits of interaction, day by in-game day, you at some point start to realise that when this is over, you might actually miss them. All of them. 


And then there is Yosuke. 


You play Persona 4 as Souji, a quite detached guy moving in from the city, hand on his hip, jacket slung over his shoulder, and while you, the player, grow fond of the game’s characters, Souji always feels like he doesn’t quite belong. He is the leader, the one who pulls the strings, the one grown up far beyond their age, with the world’s weight on their shoulders. 


You juggle realtionships, help people out, they call you senpai, sensei - and then there is Yosuke. 


Yosuke, who somehow, magically, manages to transcent Persona 4’s charming but game-y relationship system and becomes something else. Yosuke, who calls you Partner, and rings you up at night asking about your dreams or which girl you like. Yosuke, who does and says so many silly things that you never quite know what to expect - Yosuke, who ultimately breaks the boundaries of Persona 4 and makes Souji/Yosuke the most unexpectedly real-feeling relationship within a video game that I’ve ever encountered. 


I don’t know what I thought when I first laid eyes on him, it’s likely that it was something along the lines of “Hey, this is quite cool-looking for an anime video game guy. Nice headphones.”


Then, in quick succession, things happened that made it clear that Yosuke was many things - heartbroken, repressed, funny, lazy, loyal, competitive, insecure, reckless - and that there was something building between him and Souji that seemed like a stunningly natural depiction of friendship. Somehow, this is rare - a video game showing two guys becoming friends, a process that just like falling in love requires making first moves, and opening up, and getting comfortable with each other. It seemed like Yosuke was the person in the cast that always wanted to know a little more, the one to push Souji a little bit, willing to ask stupid questions just to get a reaction, and unlike the other characters, he seemed to always act out of a desire to be level with Souji, to break through the calm, collected, leader-shell of his and address the human being inside. 


Now, that alone would be a remarkable thing for a video game to depict, and worthy of high praise. What complicates things is that Yosuke, no matter how much he might deny it, seems like the most obvious case of a closeted gay person the world has ever seen. 


When I started playing Persona 4, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into, through reading about it and actually having played a bit in the past. I also knew about the game’s realtionship system, and was aware, or thought I was, that you could only get romantically involved with girls. Thus, when the game started to tease the possibility of a gay option, I raised an eyebrow, then another one, and then I lost my marbles. 


When it started, the closeness between Souji and Yosuke had already been established, and since I’m a sucker for guys not actually hating each other, I started to favour Yosuke a little bit - choosing him to eat lunch with on the roof, studying together, spending afternoons at the Junes food court, talking in the soft glow of the sun on the Samegawa river bank. When Yosuke asked which girl I liked, I chose “neither”, cheekily, thinking I was playing the metagame, when the next midnight channel story twist came up, I bet each time that Yosuke would be the one to call Souji, outraged, worried, flustered, and each time when the phone rang and it was indeed him, I smiled to myself. But surely it was all in my head - I was starting to ship it, but it was just a fun little thing to do, to spare a thought here and there and layer it on top of these two characters whose interactions I enjoyed way more than expected. 


Then, these little moments started happening - the group sitting together at Junes’ and Yosuke remarking how good Partner is with his hands, a comment that might not even have stuck out so much if weren’t for the fact that immediately after saying it, Yosuke became a hot mess of backpedalling embarrassment. His insistence to know whether Souji had a crush on somebody, and who it was, despite the awkwardness. His remarks about inviting a third person to their activities, “or else people might think we’re gay.” And ultimately, the sheer time the game devoted to the Souji/Yosuke relationship - way more than any of the other characters got.


Persona 4’s social link system is fairly rigid. You choose to spend time with people, and if things go well, and even sometimes if they don’t, it raises your relationship level with said person, allowing you to climb the social link ranks, which has gameplay and combat benefits and also allows you, in some cases, to pursue a romance. What is remarkable about Yosuke is that the game spends a significant amount of time showing interactions between Yosuke and Souji outside of this system, building their relationship beyond the confines of you walking up to a person after school and answering “yes” to their proposal of hanging out. This not only serves to create a markedly more natural and complex relationship, it also sets Yosuke apart from the other characters - he is the one to choose to interact with Souji while the other characters can only wait to be chosen. 


And then Kanji entered the picture, Yosuke freaked out completely and I looked on, amazed at the fact that this game would dare to introduce a gay character, who, despite being closeted, met up with dates after school and whose dungeon was, of all things, a gay bathhouse, with sexual content that wasn’t even the slightest bit concealed. Of all the characters, Yosuke reacted most strongly to this, outright refusing to enter and making a big fuss about being afraid of Kanji taking advantage of him. 


It culminated in the camping trip - Kanji, Yosuke, Souji sharing a tent - a scenario that could have been used very easily for a gay romance movie of questionable quality, full of the usual tropes of late night talks, denial, confrontation and very real confusion on my part of where exactly this was going - the game laid on the armored gay homophobia on Yosuke so thick that it seemed almost impossible to read what was going on in any other way. Combined with the unusual qualities that had been established in the realtionship before Kanji joined the group, it started to feel like an entire plot was going on behind the scenes, inexplicit yet persistent and increasingly impossible to ignore. 


A few in-game days after that camping trip, Yosuke broke another boundary the game had set up to this point - he visited Souji’s home. More importantly, his room, a place that up until then you, the player, had always been alone in. The conversation that followed, in that intimate space, can’t adequately be described as subtext anymore, it’s text, and very gay text at that. I was streaming the game at the time, and I bet if that session’s video was still up, you’d hear my breath hitch when Yosuke, no homo Yosuke, asked about Souji’s porn stash and teasingly, suggestively stated he’d find it while Souji was out of the room. That was only the top of the iceberg, the whole scene and its context hit me like a 10 ton truck - could it be real? Was there really, explicitly something going on? The fact that I, after learning through research that there was no gay option, felt the need to double check after that scene, to make sure there wasn’t one, should speak volumes. 


That’s when I learned of the fact that Yosuke very likely was a gay option, that there were unused text and voice lines left over on the game’s disk that turned the inexplicit explicit, both in english and japanese, suggesting the developer changed their mind after the localization was done, i.e. very late in the game’s development. Only, they had ripped out very little, leaving in tons of sublte and not so subtle parts of the relationship, and that was when I realised that Persona 4, beyond being one of the best games I have ever played, would also have the potential to make me very sad, and very angry.


It wasn’t just that gay rights had been dear to my heart for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t just that the progression of Souji and Yosuke’s relationship eclipsed any other possible pairing in the lineup by miles in terms of complexity and depth and just feeling right. It was the loss of an incredible story being told, a story that would have been unique in the history of video games - the story of two fully realised, multi-faceted male characters that you, as a player, like, falling in love, and dealing with the fact that they both happen to be guys, with all the issues that might bring in a society where homophobia and hate are still so prevalent. 


While this has been done in movies to great success in recent times, mainstream video games haven’t dared to show male homosexual relationships in positive light and up front and center. Persona 4 does dare to spend significant time on very progressive subjects, including homosexuality and transgender issues, but it falters and pulls back just on the brink of being truly groundbreaking, which, to anybody playing the game with an open mind, can only scream injustice both in a worldly and in an in-game sense. 


The level 9 rank of Yosuke’s social link progression has the two of you standing on a hill overlooking the town of Inaba. Yosuke’d probably call it a village, and the two of you talk about coming to terms with your place in the world, literally and figuratively. It’s autumn, and the evening sun plays with the coloured leaves on the trees - it’s a beautiful spot, a wistful song is playing, and despite the Playstation 2’s aged graphics you can’t help but marvel a little. You’ve never been to this spot before, you think Yosuke probably brought you here, and you wonder if there are any other locations in the town you know so well by now that you haven’t seen.


“There is still nothing here,” Yosuke says, meaning Inaba, a place he resented for the longest time, “but I have family, and friends…and you.”


I sat in front of the TV for a long time, the soft piano notes of the song playing making me ache, and then I realised that while Yosuke Hanamura was denied the chance to become part of video games’ first positively framed gay male relationship, he had acomplished one thing:


Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart.