the things i do instead of anything productive

anonymous asked:

you treat fictional characters who kidnapped and murdered better than you treat real people with opposing views. you don't have to agree with people to not be a jerk to them. answer this ask if you want for your followers to see but i certainly wont because im blocking you. have a nice life. hope youre a better person face to face than you are online.

This person came onto my blog, victim blamed a character and then tried to play it off as “an opposing view”. I take this shit seriously as a victim of abuse, so no, I don’t have to be anything to these people. You don’t come onto my blog and say terrible things, then play innocent.

The question is why you felt you had to make a big production of saying you’re blocking me instead of just doing so?

“hello,” the dark lord said, “i need a library card.”

“everyone needs a library card,” the librarian said brightly, sliding a form across the desk. “fill this out.”

the dark lord produced her own elaborately plumed quill from the depths of her robes and scrawled her name in handwriting that was completely illegible but seemed to whisper the secrets of the dark from the blinding white page. “yes, but i need mine in order to take over the tri-kingdom area.”

the librarian’s polite smile barely faltered. “funny, the last dark lord to try that didn’t bother with a card.”

“yes, and do you see that fool currently ruling our kingdom? no. of course not. utterly ridiculous, to attempt to take over any size country without a library card, much less an intermediate-sized one like this.” she accepted the thin plastic card with a gracious flourish of her gloved hand.

the librarian, adding the new card’s number to the database, privately agreed, but chose not to say anything.


the librarian balanced the pile of pulled books under one elbow and held the list of call numbers in their hand for easy consultation. “intermediate spell casting for grades three and four,” they murmured, running fingers along the peeling spines until they found it. “willing to bet that’s sorrel’s request.”

they fit the large, paperbound book under their elbow and moved on, checking the list again. “magical creatures encyclopedia, L through M. that’s jackaby trying to finish the entire set by midsummer.” they would get that one last to carry it around the shortest amount of time.

“next — the complete guide to raising the dead.” they paused in front of the row of shelves with the right call numbers. they could guess the requester of that one too, but knew better than to say it out loud.


the return slot thunked loudly as it swung open and closed, having swallowed the returned books with a wet gulp.

“good morning,” the dark lord said pleasantly as she looked up from sliding her books in — or as pleasantly as “good morning” could sound when it was uttered by a voice that sounded like gravel being chewed to pieces by the jaws of a large monster.

“it is, very,” the librarian said crisply, conjuring a clean handkerchief for the still-slobbering return slot.

the mouth just visible under the dark lord’s enormous cloak hood curved into a scythe’s blade smile, but she said nothing else.

“did you enjoy your books?” the librarian asked, since she wasn’t moving and there were no other people waiting (most likely because of the dark lord standing there).

the hood nodded up and down. “extremely. especially the taped lecture by doctor dramidius ardorius of the dark arts institute.”

“well, we have many more taped lectures. i especially recommend the one on the healing powers of tea.” they tilted their head in a now get out sign. the poor steam-powered self-checkout contraption would get overheated if people were too scared to check out at the front desk.

they didn’t really expect the dark lord to take the recommendation seriously, but the next day they noticed the cloaked, hooded specter glide out the door with the taped lecture on magic-infused herbal teas tucked between a CD of dark chants and a step-by-step art book on drawing occult symbols.


“you give good recommendations,” the dark lord said with a shrug when the librarian raised their eyes from the front desk’s computer to the shadows of her hood.

the librarian wasn’t sure what to say. “you seem to take up quite a lot of my time.”

“i’m only a simple library patron,” the dark lord replied in a saintly voice that resembled a dragon coughing up a partially digested house. “do you enjoy mermaid song?”

“yes. you can find the library’s collection in the CD section over there.” they looked pointedly back down at the computer.

“i hear there’s a concert on the shore tomorrow evening.”

“perhaps we’ll get a recording of it.”


the dark lord continued taking out books on various unsavory topics. the librarian continued suggesting books on healing, positive thinking, and community service. the dark lord seemed more amused with each visit. her smile was almost charming, once you got past the long, sharp teeth.


the librarian was trying to go about their usual morning ritual of pulling books that had been requested the night before, but the dark lord wouldn’t stop making faces at them from behind gaps in the shelves. she seemed to find it hilarious. the librarian hadn’t decided yet if they were amused or annoyed.

“ooh, look at this,” the dark lord said, pulling a sturdy but beaten up board book featuring a werewolf mid-transformation on the cover from the shelf. “this was my favorite when i was just a little menace.”

“somehow i’m not surprised.”

the dark lord tucked the book into the ridiculous basket made of a large skull that floated alongside her. “didn’t you have a favorite picture book when you were little?”

“Barker the Sentient Book End,” the librarian said promptly. “i screamed for it every night until someone read it to me, long after i’d already memorized each page.”

the dark lord cooed, sounding like a cross between an owl and something eating an owl. “adorable. i knew you had a little monster in you somewhere.”

the librarian crossly debated denying being a monster at all or pointing out they had actual kraken blood in them.


they should have guessed how close the dark lord was from how good her mood was, but it wasn’t until they arrived at work on monday that the librarian heard the news.

“the newest dark lord managed to overthrow the faeyrie monarchy last night. something about combining traditional herbal spells with a newfangled mental magic based on the power of willful thinking… or something. the news reporter mentioned the use of mermaid song in a mild kind of mind control, i think? i wasn’t listening. the good news is, our budget stays in place.”

the librarian contemplated hurling the can of bookmarks across the room, but concluded that it would be both unprofessional and unsatisfying. they settled for aggressively stamping returned, only slightly saliva-covered books with red ink.


the phone clicked loudly. “public library, how can i help you?”

“by taking my offer,” the dark lord said, slightly hesitant voice like a rock slide that wasn’t sure it was ready to slide. “the royal library in the capital needs a new head librarian.”

“why’s that?” the librarian spun in their new swivel chair, tangling the phone cord while they were at it, thinking they wouldn’t want to leave so soon after getting it.

there was a cough like the ocean spitting out a new island. “erm, hmm, last one got… eaten. tragic. these things happen when you’re very, very small, you know.”

“so i’ve heard.” the librarian stretched the phone cord and watched it bounce back. “well, i’m happy where i am.”

“well.” her voice was more disappointed than they’d expected. “it’s a very nice library, you know. large selection of mermaid song in the CD section.”

“the royal library is part of our system. i can request any materials from there that i want to be delivered here.”

a pause. the dark lord had not considered this. “well, maybe i’ll take the royal library out of the system.”

“you wouldn’t dare disrupt the workings of our very intricate library system set up at the dawn of time.”

“maybe i would!”

“no.”

“fine. i wouldn’t.”

the librarian swiveled some more, wrapping the cord around with them until it ran out of give and spun them in the other direction. “would you like to grab a coffee sometime?”

“yes,” the dark lord said, voice too surprised to resemble anything in particular. “i can travel down meet you tomorrow morning.”

“don’t you have things to do?”

they could sense the shrug from the other end of the line. “i’ll move the capital to your town. i can do that, you know. i’m the supreme ruler of the tri-kingdom area.”

“yes,” the librarian agreed, un-spinning to return the phone to its cradle. “just don’t forget who gave you the library card.”

For my Followers Evacuating

- Tightly roll your clothes when you pack them instead of a standard fold. This is what I always refer to as “military packing”, because it’s how my dad learned to pack in the army. It allows you to fit more in your bags. 

- Do not forget toiletries, those who have periods make sure you grab your products as well, you do not know how long you’ll be gone or if you’ll have the availability to get more. Unscrew the lids to things like shampoo or anything that might leak and place plastic wrap over the opening (ziplock bags work as well), then screw the lid back on, this will prevent any leaking. 

- Grab all prescription medication and EPI Pens, it is also a good idea to pack any NASIDs (ibuprofen and other anti-inflamatory mediciation),and allergy medication like claratin, zyrtec, or benadryl. Grab any emergency medical kits in your house and make sure they have bandages, gauze, sanitizing wipes, and neosporin. If your box is big enough, pack a small sewing kit, a lighter, a ball of steel wool, a 9 volt battery, a swiss army knife, and small food bars like protein bars or granola bars. 

- Grab all personal documents, IDs, passports, SS cards, birth certificates, insurance cards, including car insurance, legal documents including marriage licences and tax papers. If available place these in large ziplock bags to keep them safe from getting wet or dirty. 

- Grab all family heirlooms, photographs, gold and other valuable jewelry, diplomas, and other irreplaceable items. 

- Pack power banks and charging cords 

- Most shelters only allow service animals, please find lodging for your pets, make sure collars and name tags are secured and that you’ve entered your information on their chips, pack food for your animals as well. DO NOT ABANDON YOUR ANIMALS 

-  Withdraw cash from your bank, grab check books, take your wallets and purses and make sure your cards are in them. 

- It is getting colder. Pack hats, gloves, scarves, water proof coats, lots of socks and underwear, water resistant boots. 

- Pack plenty of water, non perishable and ready to eat foods, manual can opener. Also bring flashlights 

- if you have infant children pack baby formula, even if you normally breast feed


Remember to stay safe, do not panic. Do not drive recklessly, many people are trying to find a safe place, bad driving will only cause accidents which will slow down evacuation routes more. Stay safe friends. 

Alright people, let’s get something straight:

Now, I’ve both made and reblogged posts of this nature before, but earlier today I was scrolling through the ‘Recent’ tab of my Billdip search, yknow, just checking out what’s new in one of my favorite ships, and I kept coming across anti-ship posts and people complaining about incest and pedophilia and all that shit.
*Inhales* Now there are just a FEW things I’d like to add to the ‘arguments’ these posts and bloggers were making:

  1. “It’s supporting pedophilia/incest!”
    Actually no, it isn’t. Unless the author of the said ‘fan-work’ themselves DIRECTLY STATED that pedophilia or incest was fun/good, it is highly unlikely that they support it. Depicting something in a creative medium does not mean in any way that you condone it; for example, just because I joke about killing myself after a bad fanfic or maiming one of the characters in said badfic DOES NOT mean that I would do it in real life, or encourage others to do it in real life. I’ve said this line in my previous post, but I’ll say it again: LIKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IN A FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIP HAS ABOUT AS MUCH IMPACT ON SOMEONE’S PERSONAL/POLITICAL/RELIGIOUS VIEWS AS SOMEONE ELSE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT DOES ON THE REAL WORLD.

  2. “It doesn’t matter if it’s fiction, it can still be used to groom kids into thinking that pedophilia/incest is okay or erotic.”
    Believe it or not, I agree with this one. BUT, it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s not OUR JOB to teach naive children what is right or wrong in the world. IT’S A PARENT OR GUARDIAN’S. If a child is young or impressionable enough to think that just because there are pictures and other such media depicting pedophilia/incest it means it’s okay, then they SHOULDN’T BE ON THE INTERNET. Or their parent/guardian should monitor their child’s activity more closely. Moreover, if a child IS naive enough to think such things, then it’s not fucking Fandoms and Tumblr and Fanfiction I’m worried about, I’d be more worried about them stumbling across an ACTUAL PEDOPHILIA OR INCEST FETISH SITE! What then, people? You gonna make accounts on those forums and bitch about morality there? Good luck.

  3. “Well, I dislike it and think it’s disgusting, and I have a right to post my opinion about it on someone else’s blog.”
    Yeah, yes, absolutely, you DO have a right to an opinion! Do you have a right to whine on someone’s blog other than yours, though? NO. Do you really think that you posting a comment in the tags about how disgusting someone or something is will really change anything? It won’t. Now it’s one thing if someone said ‘I don’t support this, I personally think it’s awful, but you’re your own person and are allowed to like whatever you want.’ But even then, I STILL don’t understand why you’d say that on someone’s post. You don’t know this person, that person doesn’t know you, you clearly just implied that you want nothing to do with them or their interests, why the hell can’t you just blacklist their blog and be on your merry way? Know why ladies and gents? Because people are insecure and they need to wave their ‘opinions’ everywhere and at everything until they get recognized. If it’s not constructive criticism and is just someone who’s ‘politely’ stating that they dislike a piece of media and nothing else, they’re not worth your time.

  4. “But it’s encouraging real life pedophilia/incest.”
    *sighs* Yknow, it sucks that I’m the one who has to come out and shatter the Tumblr illusion by saying this, but halting media depictions of something dark or taboo won’t stop horrible things from happening. People, real-life pedophiles are laughing and real-life survivors are scoffing at you for thinking that censoring or filtering TUMBLR media will change ANYTHING. That’s like saying if we cease mass production and marketing of weapons, then worldwide WAR will stop! It’s stupid to think like that. Sadly it doesn’t fucking matter what people do or don’t ship, or write, or draw about, there will always be bad people in the world, and I can assure you that attempting to police stupid fandoms will not change that fact. You want to help fix the world? Go DONATE or VOLUNTEER instead of spending your time whining about what someone is doing with their blog.

  5. “If you ship <Ship Name>, then ur disgusting.”
    That’s close enough to a direct quote I saw from a post, and honestly, I can’t find much merit from someone who can’t even spell ‘YOU’RE’ correctly. And neither should any other sensible person.

And that’s pretty much all I wanted to say. Sorry for the long post, but Black Cat is known for her rants lol. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do with your time, and don’t tell anyone that they’re a bad person because they ship this or that.

Like seriously people, it’s just stupid pairings n’ shit.

anonymous asked:

I don't understand this concept of "being barred" from progressing in a game, unless you've got a disability, there's nothing stopping you from getting better at a game or beating a tough boss, especially since the game isn't getting any easier after.

One of the common things I hear is that “Well, games are the only medium that prevent player progress. Books and movies don’t do that.” but there’s two issues:

a) Games aren’t books or movies.

People who unironically try to say one should be like the other are downplaying the uniqueness of those mediums and just show that they don’t appreciate it. Games are unique because they require active involvement from the participant; board games, card games, sports, the newspaper Sudoku, etc may have different methods of engaging the player but it’s still working under the same end goal of getting you involved.

John Walker from RPS tried drawing the comparison to wanting to add in the option to skip gameplay to people who want a burger but take off some of the toppings, the tomato. But that’s the problem: Gameplay is not inconsequential. It’s not added fluff that can be easily removed. It’s literally in the name of the medium. Gameplay isn’t the topping, it’s the goddamn meat itself! It’s because of nonsense like this why games journalists get laughed at on a daily basis: they clearly show they don’t appreciate the medium but are utterly stunned when there’s so much blowback from gamers. Gamers balk at dumb reasons like this because regardless of your age, your skill at games, platform of choice: the reason people drop $60 on a game is because they want to play it. Not to just look at pretty pictures and marvel at the scenery, which are the toppings on the burger.

b) Just because anyone can technically partake in passive activities like watching doesn’t mean that they’ll actually understand it or appreciate the creator’s intent.

Take David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive. I didn’t like the movie, in fact, I think I can honestly say that I hated it and thought it was a huge waste of time. But other people loved it so much that it’s gotten lots of awards and nominations and praise from film buffs and critics. Does this mean David Lynch should make his movies more straightforward for simpletons like me? No. If it was his vision to make Mulholland Drive a clusterfuck mishmash, then that’s fine. I may not like it, but other people clearly do, so instead of me whining for it to fit my tastes, I’ll just go watch Airplane for the 89798234759384th time since it’s a better movie.

There isn’t anything wrong with a game requiring more from the player to proceed because not every game needs to be “accessible”. Not every movie is “accessible”, not every book is an “easy read”: some things require more from the participant and that’s perfectly fine. Games don’t have to be designed for every person in mind and I will always prefer products with a specific niche in mind than ones made with the nebulous and vague goal of “mass appeal”.


These are also the same kinds of people that really push the “games are art” rhetoric, which makes their complaints ironic, because if they were truly serious about that then they’d realize that the value of art is something that varies heavily from person to person. People are unique and have their own tastes, ergo it would only make sense for art to exist to cater to that taste and that taste exclusively.

If game journos had any sense, they’d realize this but they don’t so they get laughed at 24/7 by everyone.

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


Go!

Roman and I are very similar in a lot of aspects regarding our work ethic and outlook on life. That’s been one of the reasons why we have such great chemistry and been able to go and do the things that we do. I fully trust Roman, he’s never once steered me astray or suggested anything stupid for me to do that would make himself look better. He’s a team player, he’s here to make the product better. A lot of guys get caught up in what everyone thinks about them instead of what everyone thinks about the match. 

At the end of the day, the match is what the people come to see. People have their favorite characters, but the characters are just characters until the match happens. Roman has been a big help in steering me the right way, and when I do something that isn’t good, he’s right there to let me know that I did something that sucks.

—  Braun Strowman on Roman Reigns
2

dec.26 | As beautiful as it is, but I’ve stopped using my last personal journal (the starry, colorful one, if you’ve been following my blog). It was filled with negative stuff and things like ‘gosh I wanna die please kill me’ every friggin paragraph. I would burn it if I could. D: Too much negativity.

Anyway, I’ve started using a journal I bought with a voucher yesterday as my new personal journal. This is a Moleskine Two-Go Notebook in the color oriental blue. (Look at the Ravenclaw color scheme, any Ravenclaw out there? hehe)  The paper is surprisingly better than my current bullet journal (wow). I’ve started writing ‘morning pages’ as well. It’s a thing where you write 3 pages of anything in your notebook every morning. And it is said to help with productivity, creativity and reduces anxiety. Well, let’s see if this will work for me. But I’m having fun babbling nonsense in my journal nonetheless :P

(Yup, I started everything instead of doing it on New Year’s day bc I’m that extra)

song of the day: CHiCOwithHoneyWorks - Sekai Wa Koi Ni Ochiteiru

I have a funeral to attend tomorrow (I reiterate my previously stated sentiment, that 2017 can fuck right off) and I should really be in bed right now but instead I’m playing the Sims trying to get the polyamory mod to work again because my insides are being unhappy (I am blaming stress/the continued barrage of grief at this point) and I cannot for the life of me focus on doing anything productive with my insomnia.

I still have 12 editor invites to send out here on tumblr to editor friends, but my brain is just not making the connections required to be socially engaged, it’s like there’s a line of code missing in my brain that goes:

Steps necessary to acquire the thing 1, 2, 3, ?, ?, THING

And I’m somewhere around ???!? and blinding frustration because I know it’s there, I know what I need to do I’m just failing spectacularly to do it. (Someone has recently pointed out to me that this is executive dysfunction and not just because I’m a lazy piece of shit—who knew?) Anyway, lets see how my attempt at modding the game works out this time.

It can’t be any worse than the first time I tried it. (x)

“I have a lot of damage, and I’m not saying that.
like, ‘Oh, pity me’ or anything.
Instead of being myself, I was definitely a
product of my environment, and that was
something [Guns N’ Roses] has thrown back in
the world’s face.

'You don’t like us? Fuck you! You helped create
us! Your ways of doing things helped make
sure we exist the way we are.’

We didn’t have a choice to exist any other way.”

- Axl Rose

100 followers special!🎉

So today we reached 100 followers which is amazing and i wanted to thank you guys for sticking with me ;^) and my daily spam. You’re all sweethearts.

As a special (?i guess) i decided to post something I had written a while ago (although the only thing that’s the same is the main idea). Also, because I had nothing on Exo, I decided to write this based on one of its members. 👀 I hope you guys will like it.

***

Member : Xiumin (Exo)

Genre : as fluffy as I’ve ever written

Word count : shorter than I’d like to admit

Originally posted by chanshine

What wakes you from a deep slumber is the cold slipping under your duvet and covering your back. This is probably the hundredth time it happens only this month. Although a very cuddly and loving boyfriend, Minseok developed the annoying habit of pulling the blanket to the extent that you have to sit on it to make sure you don’t freeze overnight. Groaning, you scoot futher into the bed, but instead of Minseok’s warm body, you come across discarded sheets and a trace of body heat fading under your fingertips. Your eyes crack open the slightest as you feel the bed further, whispering to the darkness. “Minseok? Min?”

Pouting you sit up stifling a yawn. You were certain that him coming home wasn’t part of your dream. You remembered far too well the way his hair had stuck to his forehead when he came through the door, complaining about the soft drizzle setting in. You remembered having dinner and planning your anniversary trip, him holding your hand, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb as he smiled and nodded, you remembered getting into bed and cuddling into his side blaming the cold, then him taking you into his arms and whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you fell asleep. The floors creaked as you made your way out of the bedroom. The cold was indeed biting at your exposed skin and your usual savior was nowhere to be seen.

The house was covered by a thick darkness, making you almost bump into a wall as you headed for the living room. The TV was on, some variety show rolling, casting a faded light over the couch, revealing dark hair sticking in different directions and tired eyes.

A small smile tugged at your lips.

“Minnie, why are you awake?” Your sleepy voice startled him,making him shift his position and lean on his elbow to get a better look at you. Exhaustion covered his features, but he still had a small smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling of that light you only saw on nights when he’d come home without saying a word and only want to hold you.

“Y/n, you should be in bed. Did you have a nightmare?” He opened his arms, the throw blanket slipping off of his shoulder, allowing you to fill in the space and be cradled in his warmth.

“I woke up because of the cold” you said pouting. “And you weren’t next to me.”

His giggles broke the silence of the apartment and made something stir within you. A pale pink dusted your cheecks as he pressed his lips to your temple still smiling.

“I just couldn’t sleep, jagi.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He shrugged his shoulders slightly. “You’ve been losing sleep because of me. It’s only fair I let you sleep a little extra when possible.”

“You know sleep is the thing I love the most, but there are other things I treasure even more than that.”

With fake surprise he widens his eyes at you.

“You know I’d do anything for you, Min. Just wake me up next time.”

“What if I want to watch you sleep instead?”

His chin presses against your shoulder and his face so close to yours reveals the trace of the pillowcase on his cheek, an eyelash lost on his jawline and full pink lips pouting expectedly.

“If you’d do that I’ll probably wake up. Out of instinct. To make you stop it and use that time more productively.”

“Ever the planner, Y/n” he smiles. “Alright then. I’ll turn this off and come to bed. How does that sound?”

“Bad. If you can’t sleep, coming to bed will only be a slow, agonizing torture.”

Finger tapping on your chin, you think to yourself sleep still clouding your mind.

“Okay” you pat his thigh “ let’s go make some tea and then we can talk until you get sleepy? You can tell me all about the fansign.”

His smile widens before he kisses your cheek and nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too baobei.”

Serendipity and the supernatural (ch.1)

Originally posted by bangtan-oppa

Pairing: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Supernatural/Fluff (Ghost!AU, TW: mentions of death)
Words: 883
Requested by: @wjishing-jimin

may i request a scenario on like supernatural au with jimin?Maybe a ghost jimin wandering around and maybe reader and him falls in love and like i know its weird but like SMUT with it?BAHAHHA i know im weird🌚

A/N: This is probably slightly different from what you had in mind, but I’m really feeling some Idol x Fan romance right now. More parts to follow subject to availability of this secret substance called motivation so please feed me.

ch.1 | ch.2


When you returned to your rental room, you found what appeared to be a very well-dressed and handsome ghost floating in the center of the room, wailing: “What’s the point of coming back as a ghost if no one can see me?!”

You blinked once, twice, recognizing that the ethereal, translucent apparition had the cute, endearing appearance of someone all-too familiar to you. “Park Jimin?!”

“Hey… you can see me!” It exclaimed, beaming with the brightest smile. “Lovely miss… Y/N,” he said, glancing at the name necklace below your shirt collar. “If you can see me, do you think you could tell my members not to disband our group? Pretty please?”

“Is it because I got suspended for crying uncontrollably during Physics lecture? Or is it because I was fired from my job for mourning? Or is it because I participated in all those ‘Park Jimin is still alive’ conspiracy forums? Whatever…” You shook your head. “They’ve always called me a crazy fangirl, but I guess I’ve officially lost it.”

Keep reading

Above the Line (Part V)

Originally posted by x-lonelywolf

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV


Y/N POV 

 “So how’s Jack?” Beth giggled as we walked into the production office trailer. Our first week of filming was coming to a wrap and our last shoot was an all day shoot out on the water with 48 hours off before we started back up again. 

“He’s fine I guess.” I rolled my eyes and shrugged. While the night at the bar had ended on a high note, Jack was starting to annoy me ever since. It was like he always knew where I was on the days he was on set, and he was always trying to see if I needed help, wanted some tea or doing something else that managed to distract me from doing my actual job. Thankfully he was only on set three days this first week and spent the rest of the time off doing only god knows what. 

“Y/N,” Melissa’s voice rang as she entered the trailer. “You’re going out on the boat today. So grab a life jacket and boots.” 

“I wish I could be on a boat surrounded by attractive British men.” Beth joked and nudged my shoulder, knocking me a little off balance. 

“What time does it go out?” I asked Melissa as I went to grab a life jacket from the closet. “Do I have time to grab breakfast and some coffee?” 

“You have an hour.” Melissa said from her desk, not looking up. “There are updated call sheets on Charlie’s desk, grab one before you head out.” I slipped on my red hunter rain boots, grabbed a call sheet and left in a hurry trying to make it to craft services to grab breakfast, a coffee and a few snacks before getting down to the crew boat. I studied the sheet as I walked, trying to memorize the talent and shots for today’s shoot. Murphy, Glynn-Carney, Rylance, Keoghan and Lowden. I paused as I saw his name, a groan leaving my mouth. As I made may way through the breakfast line, scanning the room and making my way over to an empty table to study the call sheet even more and maybe shoot a text or two to family back home. 

“Fancy meeting ye here.” A Scottish accent said above me. I froze at the sound and looked up at him as he gestured to the empty chair across from me, “Mind if I join ye?” 

“Yes.” he sat down anyway. 

“Ye look like ye’re ready for an adventure.” He smiled that annoying dimpled smile of his. 

“Always be prepared.” I smirked. He was already in his RAF uniform, his hair combed to the side, and while I was slightly annoyed with him I also couldn’t take my eyes off of him. 

“I have a question,” He asked before taking a bite of his toast, “What made ye want ta be a third AD?” 

“I actually want to be a first AD,” I quickly retorted, “but you have to work your way up.” 

“Okay, so why’d ye want ta be an AD?” he leaned in closer to me, like it was some sort of secret. 

“Because I love movies.” I shrugged. “Now I really need to look over this, so you can stay there but please don’t talk.” I took a bite of my bagel and looked down at the call sheet. 

“That’s it? Because ye love movies?” He laughed. “Why not be a director or writer then?” I glared up at him, a hard stare that I hoped would put the fear of God into him. However when he flashed me that charming smirk of his I knew I had failed. “Answer and I won’t talk ta ye the rest of the day.” 

“Because I don’t want to do that.” I sighed. 

“Not a good answer.” He’s raised one eyebrow. 

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes, “I grew up in the business, my great grandfather was a movie producer and everyone after that followed suite and went into movie making in one way or another. Even my parents are in the business, my dads an editor, my mom is a producer and my older brother is a camera man, so I guess you could say that it runs in my blood.” 

“Didn’t know I was sitting with movie making royalty.” He winked. 

“Fuck off.” I gave another death glare. We sat and ate the rest of our dinner in silence. Every once in awhile I would glance up and see him staring at me with a smirk. When I was done I looked at my watch to see that we had fifteen minuets before we had to be down on the boat. “We need go.” I stood up taking my plate to the trash and grabbing some snacks before we made our way down to the boat and crew. 

The gaffer and cameraman were loading their equipment as we got down to where everyone was. I hadn’t told anyone but boats made me nervous, there was just something about them and I just didn’t think they should be able to float. I also think it’s because I watched Titanic one too many times as a teen. I looked around, trying to find a quite spot to have a quick cigarette before I got on the boat, hoping it would ease my nerves. I thought I had found a place to hide behind one of the electric trucks until I heard footsteps and jumped. 

“Didn’t mean te scare ya,” an Irish accent sang with a laugh. 

“Fuck Cillian, you almost gave me a heart attack.” I said taking a drag. 

“I was wondering if I could bum a smoke.” He asked. 

“You know the rules,” I said looking him up and down in his uniform, “No smoking in costume.” 

“Since when have ya followed the rules Y/N?” He flashed me his charming smile, “Can I just have a few drags from yours?” 

“Fine.” I held out my cigarette for him to take a drag off, gripping tight, making sure it never left my hand. 

“So you and Lowden.” He said blowing the smoke from his lips and up into the air. 

“Fuck no.” I laughed, feeling knots start to form in my stomach at the thought of Jack. 

“Oh come on Y/N, don’t play dumb.” He grabbed my wrist and took another drag. “The way ya two look at each other. I mean I saw ya at breakfast this morning, he couldn’t take his eyes off ya.” 

“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes, “I look at him the same way I look at you or Fionn or Harry.” 

“Sure.” Cillian smirked, “Ya know he always ask and talks about ya on the days he’s not called.” He nudged his shoulder into mine. 

“Bull shit.” I blushed. My head started to fill with reasons as to why would Jack be asking about me, let alone talking about me, didn’t he have other things to be worried about? Like acting in a film, or Scottish stuff. Just then Melissa’s voice filled my ear taking me away from my thoughts. 

“Y/N, are you and Cillian smoking behind the electric truck?” I could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Maybe.” 

“Get your Asses down here, it’s time to go.” 

“Well that’s our cue.” I took one last drag and held it out for Cillian to take his last. 

“Thanks Love.” He smiled at me as we rounded the corner down to the boat. 

“You know the rules.” Melissa said shaking her head when she saw us. 

“He didn’t touch it, I promise” I held my hands up in surrender and smiled at my boss. 

“And who taught you that?” She gave me a knowing look. 

“The same person who taught me everything,” I said walking up next to her. “You.” We laughed as she taped my ass pushing me towards the boat. Melissa, Cillian and I all stepped on board the small crew/cast boat laughing together. I wasn’t on the boat for five seconds before I looked up and saw Jack standing next to Barry and Tom, his eyes looking at me intensely. I gave him a small smile and wave, he didn’t smile back, but rather looked towards Tom, my stomach sinking as he did. Why did I have this reaction to him? I had worked on a number of productions before, with many attractive actors, and never once have had this feeling. 

“Did you hear me Y/N?” Melissa said bringing me out of my thoughts. 

“Uh, no,” I bit my lip, “What did you say?” 

“I said we need you over by Pippa.” She shook her head at me. I watched as she walked away to talk to Nolan and the DP. I looked around and saw Pippa standing a few feet away with Amanda from costuming. I made way towards them, looking over my shoulder once more to see what Jack was doing. He was smiling and telling the other boys what looked like a very animated story. A frown formed on my lips, wishing I were the one he was telling it to. 

“Welcome aboard!” Pippa saluted as I came up next to her. The three of us stood around, talking and laughing as the boat left the dock and headed towards the Moonstone in the distance. As we got closer, Pippa and Amanda busied themselves with the cast making sure that all hair, makeup and costumes were good to go. I sat in Pippa’s makeup chair and watched as Jack, Mark and Tom hopped over onto the Moonstone. 

“Alright, quite on set.” Melissa yelled. “Sound.” 

“Speed.” The sound guy yelled. 

“Camera.” 

“Rolling.” The cameraman yelled. Melissa then pointed to Nolan. 

“Action.” Chis yelled and the slate clapped. 

I sat and watched the action in front of me, not being able to hear anything that was being said but feeling the boat slowly rock back and forth. I closed my eyes hoping to adjust to the waves and rocking. However, instead of adjusting my stomach began to sway and I felt the color start to leave my face. I needed to let it out, but the last thing I was going to do was make a huge commotion on a multimillion-dollar film production. I opened my eyes, hoping that if I put all my focus on the scene the sickness I was feeling would go away. But nope, it only made it worse. 

“Cut.” Chris yelled and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

“Are you alright?” Pippa asked with concern in her voice. 

“Yeah, why?” I tried to play it off and act like I didn’t have a mini ship sailing rough waters in my stomach. 

“You just look a little green.” 

“I’m fine, really.” I weakly smiled.

“Alright we’re going to go again.” Melissa yelled. At Melissa’s words I stood up and decided to make my way to the front of the boat, hoping that if I did get sick it wouldn’t cause a scene. 

Thankfully no one was up there and I was able to lean over the side, letting out everything I had been holding in. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, feeling a little relief. I laid down on my back with my knees up, closed my eyes and hoped that the sickness wouldn’t come back. I don’t know how long I was lying there before my stomach started rocking in sync with the boat again. Once again I got on my knees, leaned over the side of the boat and prayed that it would go away. 

“Y/N?” Melissa’s voice rang in my ear. “Y/N where are you?” I didn’t have the strength to answer, as I was still relieving myself and feeling like death had come over me. “Has anyone seen Y/N?” Melissa said again, this time with worry in her voice. 

I leaned back thinking I was done, knowing I needed to pull myself together, rejoin the crew and do my damn job. I stood up only to be taken over again with nausea, throwing my head over the front of the boat trying my best not to die. I jumped as I felt someone start to rub circles on my back with wet hands. 

“It’s okay.” A smooth Scottish voice whispered close to my ear. “yer all right, love.” 

I let out a small moan because of all the people on the damn boat, it had to be him.

*claps hands*

*breathes deeply*

it’s lily. yeah, i know i’ve been hella absent. oops. 

okay so i figured that i’d make this for the sole reason that like, aesthetic tumblr-ness is all very well and good. but it ain’t working for everyone. including me. and yeah, i know that this has 100% been done before, but i’m doing it again, and who knows? maybe you’ll learn something new. let’s do this, fam.

1. find what works for you. and hey, if that means Colour Coded Notes and Aesthetic and Bomb Lighting, then go for it. whatever works. but if that means sitting up in bed dressed in a fucking onesie drinking milk out of the carton and having a mild Stress Crisis while you’re surrounded by pages of your scribbly handwriting in cheap black biro that’s Somehow Managed To Smudge Itself All Over The Goddamn Page, so be it. this leads me into my next point:

2. when and how do you study best? are you an early bird or a night owl? do you work better in the morning or in the evening? also: what kind of clothes do you wear? pjs or trackie dacks and a huge jumper vs actual clothes that you could go out in? what kind of learner are you? visual? auditory? verbal? kinetic? hint for my fellow visual learners out there: whiteboards + flash cards + whiteboard markers for drawing up connections is the best thing since sliced bread, especially for science. but something else that’s fucking important to figure out: do you work best in random spurts or steadily? for other people like me who can’t get their lives organised and instead work when the urge hits them, i advise you that when you feel even slightly productive, or able to work, sit yo fucking ass down and work. just do it. because otherwise you won’t get anything done. if you can organise a time to work each day, then you’re doing great already and i am Highly Shook. you guys are fucking cool.

3. relationships and feelings suck. i get it. sometimes, you just catch Unwanted Feelings and there’s nothing you can do about it. please remember that it’s okay to tell them, and it’s okay to not. they’re your Unwanted Feelings, to tell or not tell whoever you wish. OBVIOUS LIFE HINT: don’t tell secrets to people that you know aren’t very good at keeping their mouths shut. it’s a recipe for disaster. also!!! don’t every blame yourself for catching Feelings. it’s not your fault - as someone once said, the heart wants what it wants. also guys, you’re in high school. you have a fuck ton of hormones going batshit crazy - this means that things probably will change as you get older, but on the same note, don’t let anyone make you feel like your Feelings are invalid. as for relationships lmao sorry can’t help you there i’m as single as a pringle that was never put into a box. but look. people are dicks. it’s human nature, and i guess the only thing i got to say is that time heals all wounds. it’ll get better, i promise, even if it takes a very very long time. and guys - if you’re in a relationship that’s hurting you, leave. nobody has the right to treat you like shit.

4. that goes for friendships too!! if you have a friend who you just don’t get along with, or makes you feel bad about yourself, or whatever. if you’re in a toxic friendship, stop talking to them. please. and if you can’t get away from them, talk to someone - a teacher, a parent, another friend, anyone. people aren’t as scary as they seem, and lots of people are willing to help, if you just ask. fuck, come talk to me and i’ll help you draft a Plan Of Attack. our inbox is always always always open and we don’t bite. i mean. we might bite the person who’s treating you like shit. depends. but please also think about it carefully? do you really want them out of your life if it’s just a spat? sometimes a simple apology without an explanation is the best thing, to just fucking move on and forgive each other. 

5. finding out who you are isn’t a one time thing, it’s a journey. i feel like this is kinda obvious, but because there are people out there who convince people that this is wrong, i’m gonna say it. discovering your sexuality/gender identity/anything else is not always a sudden moment of realisation. sometimes, it’s a long journey of self-discovery. if you’re worried because you’re thinking “oh my god, maybe i’m not ____” just…shh. shhh. it’s okay. lots of people are discovering who they are, their sexuality, their gender identity. and it’s okay to identify with something and then discover that you’re not that thing. it’s not pretending, it’s not being fake, it’s just you on a path of self-discovery. and if anyone tries to fuck with you because of your gender/sexuality, they about to catch these bi-as-fuck hands, boi. 

6. self care is important but that doesn’t always mean soaking in a bath on the weekends or buying cute pens and books - side note: retail therapy is fucking awesome. if self care means not doing any homework for a whole day and just lounging around on the couch petting your pet and drinking unreasonable amounts of orange juice, fucking do it. if self care means spending a whole day on youtube watching crack videos and rip vine compilations (i love that shit istg), do it. just do whatever you need to do to feel better - but try to steer clear of illegal shit, yeah?

7. but sometimes, we just don’t have time for self care. and that’s okay too. if you gotta pull a few all-nighters to study for exams or skip sports or whatever, it’s okay. don’t sweat it. if you gotta lie to someone because you’re terrified of losing marks, just chill out a bit. i stand by the saying that whatever my teachers/parents/coaches don’t know isn’t gonna hurt them. if they think you’re sick and you’re actually busting a lung studying for a test, it’s okay as long as they don’t find out. try not to make it a habit, obviously, but just once isn’t gonna kill you or them. on that note, it’s best not to do this too much because it can get tricky remembering what lies you’ve told which people. keep it to one or two and you’ll be fine. example: i skipped my dance class two weeks before a competition to study for a science test. i told them i had gastro (which is a great excuse, btw, it’s hella contagious and you can get over it quickly and nobody wants diarrhoea) and then when they asked me the following week how i was feeling, did i tell them “fine”? no. i told them i was feeling better. you gotta keep up pretences.

8. high school is a time to learn. sure, your marks aren’t gonna be the end of the world, but like…don’t…not try, either? it’s okay to get stressed, it’s okay to worry about school. and like i said in point 7, it’s okay to sometimes prioritise school over everything else. it’s also okay to prioritise your health, be it mental or otherwise, over school and whatever else. please don’t drive yourself into a bad place because you’re worrying about school. just…do whatever makes you be the best person you can be. in short, you do what’s best for you and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

9. gather information. figure out which teachers you can fuck around with, and which teachers it’s best to keep your head down with. which classes you’re gonna have to work harder in to keep your grades where you want them to be, and which classes you can worry a little less about. 

10. don’t be a piece of shit. don’t be horrible to other people, don’t be horrible to your teachers (god knows they go through enough without you picking on them as well, i know this for a fact because i am related to a teacher), don’t bully people, use your fucking common sense. high school can be an emotional roller coaster as it is, and if you decide to make some poor person’s life hell, then you suck and i hate you. sort yourself out. stop. apologise. figure out why you’re being a horrible person and sort it out. i ain’t got any time or patience for people like you. unless you’re actively trying to fix it, in which case i have a bit more time and patience and i’m willing to help. people can change. i believe that.

so, in summary, high school can suck, but you gotta make the best of it because you will miss it, i’ve still got a term to go and i’m getting nostalgic already (side note: i live in australia, our years are a bit different, 7-10 is high school and 11-12 is college, then we go to uni). do what you want, try not to stress too much, you can deal with feelings, don’t be a horrible person and just try to enjoy it. you are a wonderful, amazing, unique person and don’t ever forget that - you can do it, whatever it may be. smile, and don’t ever be afraid to try something new or take a risk. life is short, high school is shorter, and don’t sweat the small shit.

keep your chins up and hustle hard, my chickens 💚💚

Yeah super suspicios. You know, people are reading your blog and people in this community talk. If you don’t pee on other people, but treat them with respect and love, you can have a great network and be a part of this wonderful community. Just saying, but I already told you that in private a few months ago. And it was pretty obvious that it was directed at me. Please. And you indirectly just admitted it. 

Don’t drag your poor translator into this please. She just joined scanlation and and probably has the wrong picture of this scene already. She has nothing to do with this. Let her show you screencaps of our convo before spreading lies please. 
I asked her if she’s working for you, but she didn’t tell. I figured that that’s the case, so I thanked her, but I told her that I don’t want to have anything to do with you, even tho it was really kind of her to offer her help, and she’s a really nice person, but I want to stay as far away as I can from you, is what I said. Because I don’t like you and your attitude towards scanlation. 

And it wasn’t me who said the Kisa scans are ugly, they haven’t even been released at that point, they were still in typesetting, she said, so that’s a lie. But yeah, at one point, after a long conversation, I told you that I don’t like what you do and how you behave. 

No you should’t have messaged me back then. You didnt ask me for help!!! That’s a lie. You wanted me to give you some of our projects. Just like that.
And you do steal scans from chinese groups don’t you? You know people who scan manga PAY FOR THEIR HARDCOPIES AND MAGAZINES WITH THEIR OWN MONEY before they have to destroy them to scan them properly!!! We buy Doujins too for example. I don’t pay 25 bucks for a douijin so someone like you can steal MY scans (scanning takes time too by the way, scanning, cropping, editing) and just use them without permission?!?! And that goes for every raw provider in general!! You have NO RESPECT!!!
And you do pee on peoples legs by just working on their projects they love and already put money in time into, dont you realize that? No. Respect. 

Edit:  You didn’t only steal raws from chinese groups, but from other raw providers too, who CLEARLY said NO to you. Shame on you!!! People pay for that with their own money. 

To get this straight: I would NEVER tell anyone to go to your page and bash you. 
NEVER. I don’t care about you, your group or what you do. I have my opinion, but I don’t care. Heck, I even had to ask others for your name when I wanted to ask your translator if she’s working for you, because I forgot.
Everyone has their own opinion. I can’t control them. I don’t even know who did that, I don’t know everyone in this communtiy, you know? 
Although you think that, I’m not a bitch. I live in this community for almost 2 years now in peace. I never was at war with another group because I treat everyone with respect.  

You’re stating false things and I can’t let that happen. Me and my team worked too hard for too long to get this group where it is now. Those were too many exhausting days and sleepless nights. I won’t let anyone spread lies about us, sorry. And if that causes people to call me a bitch, then that’s fine. 

You decided to post that comment publicly instead of messaging me in private, didn’t you? I just reacted. Don’t always twist things around, jeez. 
You could’ve messaged me, asking me if that was me. But you posted this rude comment instead. And if I react to that, just to tell you that it wasn’t me, I’m the dick here. Okay, fine with me. 

I’m fine with stopping this. Just forget that we exist and we will return to how it was before. Because, like I said several times, we don’t want anything to do with you. 

This went too far, but… like i just said, I wont let anyone make false statements. 

And this is the last thing I’m going to say in this matter. Instead of wasting my time with this circus any further, I rather spend it on typesetting or other productive scanlation things. 

I also won’t answer any insulting Anons anymore. Insult me all you want, but I won’t give you a platform. 

Nina.

3

Instead of doing anything actually productive over the last few days, I’ve been faffing about with @askashapeshifter (and Tara Jenkins, more indirectly, who actually did the original art that we de-made here) and making these things based off the old Sierra adventure games, like Space Quest 3, and Quest for Glory.

… Of which I realize most of you out there probably aren’t familiar.

Anyway, getting things down to EGA standards is fun. Couldn’t decide whether the game over window was better with the pixels redrawn or not, so here’s both.

Anyway, back to doing real productive stuff soon!

BEAT PROCRASTINATION BY PROCRASTINATING

Yes, you heard me right - you actually can beat procrastination by procrastinating. I’ve tried it (and that’s what I’m doing right now) and I can assure you that it actually works! 


So if you’re like me, you would try to put off your task because you’re simply lazy, or sometimes it’s just anxiety taking control. You know you need to study, write that essay but you just can’t, just because. I experience short to long periods of slump at least once in a day, which renders me unable to anything productive at all. 


For such times, I prepare what I call my “Productive Procrastination” list. 


See, even if I want to do something, I know I won’t so I don’t even bother with the pep talk and all that stuff. What I do instead is, take the list in my hand and go over it. Now my list contains tasks that I wouldn’t normally do or basically just put off. 


Every Sunday I’ll sit down with my fancy paper and note down all things that I should do, but I’m likely to not. My list looks like this :


◼ Sort your clothes
◼ Do the laundry
◼ Organise your desk
◼ Get rid of digital clutter


And then there’s another list for when I’m the epitome of lazy. It goes something like this :


◼ Water the plants
◼ Drink water
◼ Hug mom and tell her you love her
◼ Charge your phone/laptop/tablet
◼ Pick out clothes to wear the next day
◼ Grab a light snack 
◼ Post something on Tumblr
◼ Call your best friend 
◼ Wear perfume/lotion/something that smells good
◼ Listen to (podcasts /speech /songs) in target language (French for me) 


Normally I find something that I can do (the hug your loved one thing always works), which makes me lift my ass and do something. Also, note that most of the things I’ve listed are pretty boring, which is why when I’m doing them I’ll want to do something interesting. 


Which, in fact, pushes me to do the task I had been putting off initially. Even if I does not, I end up doing something. 


It’s alright to just do nothing at times, but if you’re like me, you’ll make this a habit. Therefore, although breaks are always welcome and appreciated, I tend to avoid them. I finished the essay? Time to make some notes. Made them already? Take some pictures and upload them! 


I find keeping myself occupied easier than doing nothing - even though it should be the other way round. So go ahead, make your own productive procrastination list and get started! 

K E E P I N G  Y O U R  F O C U S  a How To by mmostudies

I was planning to post this as a thank you for 100 followers, but now there’s twice as much and I can’t emphasize enough on how happy I am to know I can use this blog as a platform to motivate others, and not just myself. Thank you for allowing this to happen! (。◝‿◜。)

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

So, back to the topic at hand. Whether you’re doing homework or finishing a project, focus is a crucial part of any activity. Oh, and then there’s this procrastination that wears you off of your productivity. There’s only one way to fight it and it’s by throwing a ball of focus with a bat of determination. Here are a few steps you can try to enhance this skill:

1. Be aware of you. Knowing yourself is the key to unlocking any potential in life. In this case, realize what keeps you from doing work and the time interval until you lose your focus. You can jot them down, get rid of the bad habits, and keep the good. It might seem like a simple task, but to really put them into action takes a strong will. Be aware of your own capability. Everyone’s different, that established, so pushing yourself won’t do you as good either. Know your body’s limit and never abandon your own health.

2. Get a head start on your future. What I mean here isn’t paying some gypsy to see yourself studying in a crystal ball. Managing your time into a self-made daily schedule, is the task in this step. I use excel to make a timetable, and print it out to pin on my dashboard. Here’s how my most recent one looks like:

You can say how pretty packed and detailed my schedule is, but it’s only because I like having a grasp of when I can do my activities and adjust to it. There are chunks of small breaks in between that I practice daily and not type it out, like for example, when the teacher hasn’t come to class yet there’s about 5-10 minutes of break I use to play games on my phone, or during my daily bluelight-free time where I can choose to read non-digital books or play cards with my younger sibling (who sleeps even later than I do). You can make your timetable however you wish it to be, to however detailed you wish to ‘see’ happen in the future. In all honesty, I don’t always follow what my schedules say, which is why I leave a white space on my Sunday, where the ‘HW/Study’ time I chose to take a break from in the previous days, I can use in the empty spaces on Sunday. This is really just to help be aware of time and how to track it wisely, so it’s really efficient if you have short attention spans. At the very least, having a schedule will also manage your focus because you’ll have a grip on when you can do one thing then finish the other.

3. Write it down. The studyblr community is, of course, very familiar with the bullet journal method. And yes, they are aesthetic, pleasing to the eye, etc. But it’s not a must. One way I keep track of the things I should do isn’t very pretty, as in, aesthetic bujos are rewards. I own a mini notebook I can carry anywhere to write down what I have to do, and I only transfer them to my bujo once I’ve done all the important tasks. Or you can also type them in an app on your phone, or set it as your lockscreen, but keep in mind that if opening your phone can lead you into opening social medias instead, I suggest to write it down in a place only to jot down a to-do list. And if you’re slow like me, it takes up a lot of time to finish a bujo that pleases my aesthetic sense. Which is why I refer to it as a leisure activity I do in one (long) sitting on my Sundays. Don’t prioritize how your bujo looks, prioritize checking the lists on it.

4. Have a study space. Once you’ve rid of the distractions, create a comfortable space where you only do productive things in. If you own a study room, never do anything else in it so that all thoughts besides studying disappear. If your study desk is in your bedroom like mines, have it face backwards from your bed so you don’t think about how near to taking a nap you are. If it’s spacious, you can try keeping your bed as far away from your desk as you can as equivalent to that of getting rid of your distractions.

5. Set goals, set rewards. What drives you the most? What motivates you? Being the underachiever I am, I take huge pride in doing the smallest progress. Procrastinating is a huge temptation, so sometimes, after tackling it by getting some work done I reward myself with food. You can try making deals with your parents too, like to get you new clothes or stationary if you achieved grades 10 points above the average. You can also allow yourself to watch those TV shows you missed when you’re busy with a project! It’s all up to you.


These are some of the methods I’ve used ever since I became a high school student (I’m now in my senior year) and realized how much things I had to finish in so little time. Keep in mind that, as I mentioned before, everyone is different and that you’re allowed to find some of these steps unsuitable to how you work. Remember to not push yourself too hard and know when to relax! ―(≧∀≦)ゞ

Shoot me an ask if you ever need more tips or more elaboration! (´͈ ᗨ `͈)

ig: mmostudies