the things i do instead of anything productive

“hello,” the dark lord said, “i need a library card.”

“everyone needs a library card,” the librarian said brightly, sliding a form across the desk. “fill this out.”

the dark lord produced her own elaborately plumed quill from the depths of her robes and scrawled her name in handwriting that was completely illegible but seemed to whisper the secrets of the dark from the blinding white page. “yes, but i need mine in order to take over the tri-kingdom area.”

the librarian’s polite smile barely faltered. “funny, the last dark lord to try that didn’t bother with a card.”

“yes, and do you see that fool currently ruling our kingdom? no. of course not. utterly ridiculous, to attempt to take over any size country without a library card, much less an intermediate-sized one like this.” she accepted the thin plastic card with a gracious flourish of her gloved hand.

the librarian, adding the new card’s number to the database, privately agreed, but chose not to say anything.


the librarian balanced the pile of pulled books under one elbow and held the list of call numbers in their hand for easy consultation. “intermediate spell casting for grades three and four,” they murmured, running fingers along the peeling spines until they found it. “willing to bet that’s sorrel’s request.”

they fit the large, paperbound book under their elbow and moved on, checking the list again. “magical creatures encyclopedia, L through M. that’s jackaby trying to finish the entire set by midsummer.” they would get that one last to carry it around the shortest amount of time.

“next — the complete guide to raising the dead.” they paused in front of the row of shelves with the right call numbers. they could guess the requester of that one too, but knew better than to say it out loud.


the return slot thunked loudly as it swung open and closed, having swallowed the returned books with a wet gulp.

“good morning,” the dark lord said pleasantly as she looked up from sliding her books in — or as pleasantly as “good morning” could sound when it was uttered by a voice that sounded like gravel being chewed to pieces by the jaws of a large monster.

“it is, very,” the librarian said crisply, conjuring a clean handkerchief for the still-slobbering return slot.

the mouth just visible under the dark lord’s enormous cloak hood curved into a scythe’s blade smile, but she said nothing else.

“did you enjoy your books?” the librarian asked, since she wasn’t moving and there were no other people waiting (most likely because of the dark lord standing there).

the hood nodded up and down. “extremely. especially the taped lecture by doctor dramidius ardorius of the dark arts institute.”

“well, we have many more taped lectures. i especially recommend the one on the healing powers of tea.” they tilted their head in a now get out sign. the poor steam-powered self-checkout contraption would get overheated if people were too scared to check out at the front desk.

they didn’t really expect the dark lord to take the recommendation seriously, but the next day they noticed the cloaked, hooded specter glide out the door with the taped lecture on magic-infused herbal teas tucked between a CD of dark chants and a step-by-step art book on drawing occult symbols.


“you give good recommendations,” the dark lord said with a shrug when the librarian raised their eyes from the front desk’s computer to the shadows of her hood.

the librarian wasn’t sure what to say. “you seem to take up quite a lot of my time.”

“i’m only a simple library patron,” the dark lord replied in a saintly voice that resembled a dragon coughing up a partially digested house. “do you enjoy mermaid song?”

“yes. you can find the library’s collection in the CD section over there.” they looked pointedly back down at the computer.

“i hear there’s a concert on the shore tomorrow evening.”

“perhaps we’ll get a recording of it.”


the dark lord continued taking out books on various unsavory topics. the librarian continued suggesting books on healing, positive thinking, and community service. the dark lord seemed more amused with each visit. her smile was almost charming, once you got past the long, sharp teeth.


the librarian was trying to go about their usual morning ritual of pulling books that had been requested the night before, but the dark lord wouldn’t stop making faces at them from behind gaps in the shelves. she seemed to find it hilarious. the librarian hadn’t decided yet if they were amused or annoyed.

“ooh, look at this,” the dark lord said, pulling a sturdy but beaten up board book featuring a werewolf mid-transformation on the cover from the shelf. “this was my favorite when i was just a little menace.”

“somehow i’m not surprised.”

the dark lord tucked the book into the ridiculous basket made of a large skull that floated alongside her. “didn’t you have a favorite picture book when you were little?”

“Barker the Sentient Book End,” the librarian said promptly. “i screamed for it every night until someone read it to me, long after i’d already memorized each page.”

the dark lord cooed, sounding like a cross between an owl and something eating an owl. “adorable. i knew you had a little monster in you somewhere.”

the librarian crossly debated denying being a monster at all or pointing out they had actual kraken blood in them.


they should have guessed how close the dark lord was from how good her mood was, but it wasn’t until they arrived at work on monday that the librarian heard the news.

“the newest dark lord managed to overthrow the faeyrie monarchy last night. something about combining traditional herbal spells with a newfangled mental magic based on the power of willful thinking… or something. the news reporter mentioned the use of mermaid song in a mild kind of mind control, i think? i wasn’t listening. the good news is, our budget stays in place.”

the librarian contemplated hurling the can of bookmarks across the room, but concluded that it would be both unprofessional and unsatisfying. they settled for aggressively stamping returned, only slightly saliva-covered books with red ink.


the phone clicked loudly. “public library, how can i help you?”

“by taking my offer,” the dark lord said, slightly hesitant voice like a rock slide that wasn’t sure it was ready to slide. “the royal library in the capital needs a new head librarian.”

“why’s that?” the librarian spun in their new swivel chair, tangling the phone cord while they were at it, thinking they wouldn’t want to leave so soon after getting it.

there was a cough like the ocean spitting out a new island. “erm, hmm, last one got… eaten. tragic. these things happen when you’re very, very small, you know.”

“so i’ve heard.” the librarian stretched the phone cord and watched it bounce back. “well, i’m happy where i am.”

“well.” her voice was more disappointed than they’d expected. “it’s a very nice library, you know. large selection of mermaid song in the CD section.”

“the royal library is part of our system. i can request any materials from there that i want to be delivered here.”

a pause. the dark lord had not considered this. “well, maybe i’ll take the royal library out of the system.”

“you wouldn’t dare disrupt the workings of our very intricate library system set up at the dawn of time.”

“maybe i would!”

“no.”

“fine. i wouldn’t.”

the librarian swiveled some more, wrapping the cord around with them until it ran out of give and spun them in the other direction. “would you like to grab a coffee sometime?”

“yes,” the dark lord said, voice too surprised to resemble anything in particular. “i can travel down meet you tomorrow morning.”

“don’t you have things to do?”

they could sense the shrug from the other end of the line. “i’ll move the capital to your town. i can do that, you know. i’m the supreme ruler of the tri-kingdom area.”

“yes,” the librarian agreed, un-spinning to return the phone to its cradle. “just don’t forget who gave you the library card.”

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


Go!

I have a funeral to attend tomorrow (I reiterate my previously stated sentiment, that 2017 can fuck right off) and I should really be in bed right now but instead I’m playing the Sims trying to get the polyamory mod to work again because my insides are being unhappy (I am blaming stress/the continued barrage of grief at this point) and I cannot for the life of me focus on doing anything productive with my insomnia.

I still have 12 editor invites to send out here on tumblr to editor friends, but my brain is just not making the connections required to be socially engaged, it’s like there’s a line of code missing in my brain that goes:

Steps necessary to acquire the thing 1, 2, 3, ?, ?, THING

And I’m somewhere around ???!? and blinding frustration because I know it’s there, I know what I need to do I’m just failing spectacularly to do it. (Someone has recently pointed out to me that this is executive dysfunction and not just because I’m a lazy piece of shit—who knew?) Anyway, lets see how my attempt at modding the game works out this time.

It can’t be any worse than the first time I tried it. (x)

TalesFromRetail: 'Sir? Sir, you are on fire, sir!'

I tell this story constantly as basically my prime example of why I legitimately love my job. If you ever meet me IRL and say I ripped off my own reddit post, I will cry.

ALRIGHT.

So I work in a grocery store, as one does, and I sell death and false hope, as one also does. That is to say, cigarettes and lottery. This is important, because I am working the customer service desk. We’re the last thing you see on the way out, and often the first stop on the way in if you’re the kind of guy who’s 50-something and your mustache is literally yellow with nicotine, but then we fall into a completely different story.

For now, I would like to discuss two people. The first is the Drunkigh man. I say this because I am reasonably certain he was on EVERYTHING.

I prefer doing this in person because it’s hard to describe this walk, so you’re going to have to do it for me. Make the font size bigger, and get out of your chair.

Okay, good work. Now, lean your waist back as far as you can while remaining standing. Good. Brace yourself on something. Don’t injure yourself for the sake of a story now.

Now, take a step forward, leaning forward at the same time. You should be bent over forward like a broken-down wind-up doll. Now, you can right yourself, because you are not the drunkigh man. You are not in need of the second person,

THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD.

This man is stone cold sober. He is physically righting the drunkigh man after every step. He is apologizing to everyone in a five foot radius like some kind of support class in a MOBA noone has ever wanted to play. This man is enduring for reasons beyond my comprehension, and he has not yet begun to show the true brilliance of his inner light of goodness.

The Drunkigh man looks at me. His finger raises, I suspect to try to discern which of the three of me was the real one, judging from the lack of focus in his eyes. And he says to me, with a firm, slurred determination..

‘I want shome…’

'I want shome shmokes.’

I will not fault the man his desire for tobacco. It may be the one chemical he has yet to ingest today. Unfortunately, I am strictly forbidden from using telepathy at work since the incident. Therefore, I bravely stride into the bog of futility.

“What sort of smokes can I get you?” I say, knowing fully well what’s about to happen. Sadly, professionalism requires that occasionally you accept you are making an irrelevant gesture.

To his credit, he seemed thoughtful for approximately five to ten seconds. My lineup consisted of him and one other person, whom seemed reasonably amused by the proceedings. The drunkigh man’s cogitation ceases. He looks at me.

“I want…”

“I want shome smokes,” He says, more satisfiedly this time. He has, after all, answered my query beyond any reasonable doubt. Any further confusion is purely on my part. Luckily, for my inferior intellect, the BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD steps in.

“Just get him something cheap.”

Which I can do, easily, and I put it on the table. He surprisingly dextrously removes his debit card from his wallet, and somehow, successfully swipes it. But now our hero is faced with an obstacle; He must recall and successfully input four consecutive digits to retrieve his prize.

“Zero,” He says, stirring ancestral memories to the forefront of his awareness. Leaning back, to better view the pinpad, his finger firmly presses against the button. Success!

Time passes. Sweat beads mildly on his forehead. It was summer, though, so maybe it was that? It’s been years.

“Zero,” He concludes, with another push of the button. You may think I am changing the code for the sake of the innocent. I am not. You may think there are bank policies that prevent the horror you’re about to witness. I believed so too. We are both wrong.

The third “Zero” is said somewhat tentatively. He is unsure. His mouth twitches. He cannot afford a mistake now when so much is on the line. Should he try again? No! No, he must be bold. He must strive forward, he must–

“ZERO!” The resounding cry of memories successfully penetrating to the surface. Why, yes, his pin was 0000.

And it worked. I know it worked, because the error code it gave me was for insufficient funds.

He is thoughtful, for a moment, but he did not come this far to be stymied. No, a hero must rail against the darkness of financial void.

“Try again,” He says, considering. He must adapt his strategy, after all, if he is to triumph.

“Try again, but wisch…twenty bucksh extra cash.”

You ask yourself, why would I agree to this? Why would I let this man attempt this thing, when there are now three people in my lineup, at least two of whom are laughing so hard I suspect they may require incontinence products in short order?

Because there is the slim chance this man intended to draw from his savings account, instead of his chequing. I would be doing this man a disservice if I did not provide him this opportunity.

He swipes his card. I’m not certain which he pressed, because I am distracted. I smell something.

I have a particularly weak sense of smell, so it’s intriguing to me when I smell anything. Pot, perfume, the odd scent of smoke–well, the deli has caught fire a few times this year, so I look over and..they’re not panicking. Very well, I am hallucinating the smell of smoke, I decide. Perhaps my brain has decided to commit itself to an honorable suicide.

“Zero,” He continues. He has to drudge through a lot. I’m going to forgive him. If I was as inebriated as he, I would not remember my PIN either. This man has fought to get where he is right now, and the BEST FRIEND is doing his damndest to do damage control.

I will skip the third and fourth zeroes, as nothing of import occurs. I will, however, give you the regrettable conclusion; Insufficient funds.

Our drunkigh man is in a crisis, now. He looks to me. Taps his chin. He has to do something. He has to save his social standing in front of the five people now waiting in line.

Inspiration hits.

“Try again,” He says, with the smug expression of a japanese prosecutor with too many cravats, “But wisch shirty bucksh extra cash.”

Perhaps it is me. Perhaps I am misunderstanding his goals and dreams. I should clarify.

“So you did not have seven dollars and fifty cents,” I ask, “But to be clear, you are absolutely certain you DO have thirtyseven dollars and fifty cents.”

“Yeah!” He says proudly. I suppose, as I resignedly let him swipe, I will give him this. I look to the Best Friend. He understands. Everything is on the line now, I will have to ask him to leave after th–

I smell something. I’m sure of it.

“Zero.”

No. No, I don’t know wh—

“Zero.”

There is a pillar of smoke rising from this man’s crotch. Well, no. It’s more like an inverted pyramid. I’m amazed he can’t see it.

I have said many things in retail. “Hi, how are you?” “Yes, we will allow you to return this salt, I apologize for its high sodium content,” “Please do not urinate in the bottle return.”

It has been nearly a decade, and I still have not had to repeat the day I said,

“Sir? Sir, you are on fire, sir!”

“WHOA!” He says, leaping into action. Action, of course, being two feet behind him. His arms windmill. It’s not terribly effective.

The good news is, I’m slightly wrong. He’s wearing a hoodie. The fire has started in his hoodie pocket, and it’s about three inches in diameter, spewing smoke like a dyspeptic dragon. I assume dragons do that when they have dyspepsia. I’m not a dragon specialist.

The better news is, do you remember that man I called the Best Friend In The World?

Because he has a tired expression on his face, right now.

And he steps over. He puts his hand into the burning pocket, because of course he does. He pulls out the lit cigarette that has been in his pocket for the duration of this excruciatingly long transaction. He puts it out on his bare hands because he lives in a different world, one where we don’t register pain.

He then puts the fire out with his bare hands because he is fully invested in this man’s wellbeing, and agreed to sacrifice his own in what I can only assume is a Faustian bargain for immortality.

There is a long moment.

“i should”

The drunkigh man seems contrite. He is aware he has committed some vague social faus pax, as near as I can tell.

“i should go. now.”

He is in the process of putting his debit card back into his wallet, when the Best Friend In The World spots something.

“Is that–is that a ten dollar bill?!”

“yeah but i–”

The best friend rips the ten dollar bill out of the wallet, and places it down.

So, TL;DR I still made the sale, and that’s all that really matters.

By: Banjooie

BEAT PROCRASTINATION BY PROCRASTINATING

Yes, you heard me right - you actually can beat procrastination by procrastinating. I’ve tried it (and that’s what I’m doing right now) and I can assure you that it actually works! 


So if you’re like me, you would try to put off your task because you’re simply lazy, or sometimes it’s just anxiety taking control. You know you need to study, write that essay but you just can’t, just because. I experience short to long periods of slump at least once in a day, which renders me unable to anything productive at all. 


For such times, I prepare what I call my “Productive Procrastination” list. 


See, even if I want to do something, I know I won’t so I don’t even bother with the pep talk and all that stuff. What I do instead is, take the list in my hand and go over it. Now my list contains tasks that I wouldn’t normally do or basically just put off. 


Every Sunday I’ll sit down with my fancy paper and note down all things that I should do, but I’m likely to not. My list looks like this :


◼ Sort your clothes
◼ Do the laundry
◼ Organise your desk
◼ Get rid of digital clutter


And then there’s another list for when I’m the epitome of lazy. It goes something like this :


◼ Water the plants
◼ Drink water
◼ Hug mom and tell her you love her
◼ Charge your phone/laptop/tablet
◼ Pick out clothes to wear the next day
◼ Grab a light snack 
◼ Post something on Tumblr
◼ Call your best friend 
◼ Wear perfume/lotion/something that smells good
◼ Listen to (podcasts /speech /songs) in target language (French for me) 


Normally I find something that I can do (the hug your loved one thing always works), which makes me lift my ass and do something. Also, note that most of the things I’ve listed are pretty boring, which is why when I’m doing them I’ll want to do something interesting. 


Which, in fact, pushes me to do the task I had been putting off initially. Even if I does not, I end up doing something. 


It’s alright to just do nothing at times, but if you’re like me, you’ll make this a habit. Therefore, although breaks are always welcome and appreciated, I tend to avoid them. I finished the essay? Time to make some notes. Made them already? Take some pictures and upload them! 


I find keeping myself occupied easier than doing nothing - even though it should be the other way round. So go ahead, make your own productive procrastination list and get started! 

“I have a lot of damage, and I’m not saying that.
like, ‘Oh, pity me’ or anything.
Instead of being myself, I was definitely a
product of my environment, and that was
something [Guns N’ Roses] has thrown back in
the world’s face.

'You don’t like us? Fuck you! You helped create
us! Your ways of doing things helped make
sure we exist the way we are.’

We didn’t have a choice to exist any other way.”

- Axl Rose

here’s a little embarassing thing about me: i am! so! obsessed! with! my! gadgets!

remember how i keep on telling you i’ve been really busy with my preps for CETs and how my parents imposed strict curfews and schedules to maximize the little time i have to study? yep, that’s not exactly how it’s been working out with my life right now. i do study but i occasionally check on my phone, respond on messages on tumblr, tweet things, watch 2 or 3 unrelated youtube videos after finishing like 3 or 4 academic ones and many many more! this is why as most of you might have noticed, despite being “busy,” i still regularly respond to your messages, check on my tag, reblog your stuff, despite running a queue. it’s equally embarassing as it is horrifying. and i feel terrible about it. although i must admit that i’ve had a pretty legitimate and respectable outcomes, at the end of the day, i know i can do better. and guess who’s the culprit who keeps on distracting me? yep, that’s right: my one and only treasured possesion- my cellphone.

two, three, or four years ago, my mother began noticing this quite destructive addiction of mine. she will often times call me out, saying things like: “hey, you should spend more time with your family.” or “i will definitely confiscate your phone if you still act like this in a week.” and of course i was threatened as heck because i dont want to lose my cellphone. so, i will pretend i don’t use it in the morning but later that night, when im all alone in my room, you will see my hiding under my blankets laughing all by myself because of dank memes™ or googling cute dog pictures. being the ‘milennial’ and 'god they’re just being lame because they’re obviously not from my generation’ am, i did not know then the extent of my obsession. not until recently!

there is nothing wrong with using technology or gadgets. if anything, they help us become more productive and practically make our lives way, way easier! however, like what they all say, a little much of something is not a good thing! and the same goes with my so-called gadget addiction.

while scrolling through my feed one time, i stumbled upon this article written by emma on messyheads entitled “cant call, im in cuba” published two months ago. and i was frankly baffled. she opened her article with a scientific study concluding that an average person spends right about 300 times a day checking on their phone. yep, you got that right: 300 freaking times of checking on my emails, my twitter, tumblr, responding to messages, et. and while that figure might seem surprising to you. i’ve read another article stating that an average person spends right about 5 hours per day just doing their thing on their mobile! yep, that’s right five freaking hours of looking on that lil bright screen! and just like what emma said on her article, there’s way too many things that you could do on the span of just endlessly scrolling through your dash like finishing an entire course for my CETs preps/reviews, cooking 10 different dishes, working on my painting, working on my embroidery skills, finishing a harry potter book, etc! and you know what this literally made me realize? technology defeated the purpose of helping me become productive because instead, i end up being even more unproductive. and did achieve anything from all the things that i’ve been? absolutely nothing. the even funnier part is: i have absolutely no idea what i do with those five freaking hours! i mean, time flies so fast when you’re enjoying something, that’s true but i dont even know if im exactly enjoying what im doing because if anything, it only makes me feel even more guilty and terrible about it!

i already have no idea where this text post is going but i guess while writing this i was able to realize a couple of things: my patience significantly declines and i tend to appreciate little things less once get too caught up with my phone.

1. patience: the thing about me is i am an incredibly, commendably patient person. i wait for my turn and i believe in its power and value that is fundamental in becoming an ethical person. however although this is very embarrasing to admit, i have realized that using my phone massively declined my patience. how did i know? well, it took me an entire day to write this post because when im done with like a sentence or two, i tend to get distracted with my notifications and wander off of my notepad and start interacting with people. i know there is nothing wrong with that because the world practically revolves around the internet right now. but unfortunately, when i became addicted with my mobile, i am no longer just using it because i have something important to accomplish; rather it became an itch that needs to be scratched and i use it just because i want to instead.

2. appreciation: this is quite frankly probably the saddest part about my cellphone addiction. you know how much i love the little things about people and the world, right? yep. however, due to this addiction, i tend to focus more on my cellphone screen and not the beautiful things around me. i mean, sure you can google #goals stuff or see even more aesthetic things on tumblr, but i think there is still nothing more beautiful than having the chance to see something magical first hand! furthermore, when im out with my family for dinner, i have realized an even more heartbreaking thing: we no longer converse the way we used to! because instead of communicating or asking for menu first, we ask for for the wifi password and live our social media life instead. i mean, sure we still talk but im not that stupid to not realize that it’s not like it used to be when my brother and i were 11 or 10. it’s an ugly realization that i hope would eventually change.

i have nothing against the usage of social media as a platform to express yourself or to get friends from all over the world. i believe, as a matter of fact, that it is one of the most revolutionary things that this planet was able to create and i frankly believe that it will be for a long, long time. however, i think it is also still very important to shut out of it once in a while, give yourself a break, a breather, and just enjoy your life the way our ancestors or grandparents would even without the internet.

try turning off your gadgets once in a while and i promise you will see a significant difference and feel more comfortable with your own skin! because although it feels good to live a life that’s filled with so many notifications, attention, and validation from all over the world, it feels even better to just have a little space outside the boundary with fresh air, lots of trees, and flowers, where you could be yourself.

anonymous asked:

If each of the green day members were YouTubers what kind of content do you think they would make videos about?

Billie  

  • uploads videos of himself playing music, not saying anything unless singing. Basically Just videos of him playing guitars, piano, spoons, that kinda things.
  • Videos of him giving in depth explanations on equipment like certain guitars e.g Blue. He will say exactly what they are, what they do, what they mean to him and why he loves them.
  • Unboxing videos of cool new gear and guitars
  • Q&As
  • long vlogs on what he thinks of certain things e.g the government, music industry, reviews, certain  people.
  • random videos like he is not sure what to film so he does a tour of his house.
  • He may do some editing but the lighting and angles may be pretty bad and there is a lot of jargon but he is improving!

Mike 

  • messages to fans on how he loves them
  • has a nice blogging room and great camera and lighting. Simple editiing - music and cutting, makes videos neat.
  • promoting a lot of different things like Oakland Coffee.
  • Bass videos - his favourites, their backstories, tips, tutorials, unboxing.
  • plenty of Q&As
  • videos with his family
  • the occasional deep long vlog
  • well edited videos of him miming and dancing to his favourite songs with passion. =D

Tré

 I recon Tré would do videos a lot about anything, I believe this for multiple reasons; my first reason is that he seems to like doing a lot of productive things instead of sitting around watching TV and the like. My second reason is that he enjoys and gets excited about a lot of things and would love to share what he loves with his fans/ subscribers. Another main reason is that way way back on Greenday.com the trio would upload audio messages to the fans and Tré seemed to upload them frequently, they were about anything. He talked about coffee, starting fires, guitars, golf and much more. 

  • He would probably understand editing then edit things in a weird comical not brilliant way e.g sudden fire, explosions, random background music.
  • videos of animals
  • uploads himself doing songs and covers e.g ‘like a rat does cheese’ and ‘chocolate rain.’
  • long or short vlogs about anything but probably nothing deep, these can range from new shoes to his favorite pasta.
  • The possibility of a short comical cooking show - ‘cooking with Tré’ or ‘ Tré cook’ He loves cooking and it seems like the kinda thing he would do and would share his tips and make strange things.
  • drumming videos explaining his love for drums, tips, favorites, stories.

The puppets 

would definitely be involved somehow. They may have channel or appear on individual channels. With this they could have their own comical 5 minute show every week as a three or have individual videos. Individually Billie’s has it’s own show for kids or adults or both and Tré could do extended ‘just the tips’. I also think on these shows they would put effort into editing and perhaps a short intro/ theme.

the-nitrogen-king  asked:

You explained how you can use light to create void. But I'm curious, how would a Knight or any classpect use Life to create Doom? Or the otherwise around.

its not that theyre using Light to create actual Void, but just using Light to get a very voidy and unlightlike outcome. They still only deal with their own aspect at all times

cuz if you think about, if you were a hero of Light, but wanted to do something of a voidy nature, youd be kinda stuck youd think right?

but i dont think its realistic to say that Light heros always tell the truth/reveal with clarity, or that Void heroes always lie or hide things or cant be open and honest that kind of thing, thats pigeonholing people into certain solid end results

but it is realistic to say that though peoples methods of doing things can be very different, we can all get to any particular outcome that we want to equally

A Hero of Light wants to darken something, but the only tools they have is Light, well they just gotta get creative about how a Light could darken something is all

they are always a hero of light, they are always using light as their tools of action, but their end result is hey something is now darker, something youd think would unable to be associated with light, but it is possible

as for Life and Doom, one way of using Life to create Doom is the fact that Life represents power, authority, presence, wealth. And if those things are accumulated in the right or “wrong” places, say in the hands of a Selfish Tyrant,  the selfish tyrant uses their authority to manifest Doom, tyrannical laws and regulations about what the people he rules can and cannot do, perhaps forcing service or slavery upon their populace, even just being greedy and gluttonous leaving little wealth or food to anything else, they grow and increase while everyone else decreases and shrinks

using Life for Life would be like some using their power to empower others as well, the sharing of excess and wealth, the increase in production and profit for all who work for it, things like that, or even just the idea of infectious positivity, i smile broadly and that gets you to smile as well, instead of me grinning at someone elses misfortune, thereby increasing their misfortune

using Doom to get an outcome of Life could be something like the ability to know precisely and exactly the exact wording of the rules and regulations giving somebode the perfect ability to get through as many loopholes in those laws as possible, you have an end result associated with something lifelike and undoomlike, but using the tools of Doom

all in all its the idea of using a tool for its not intended purpose, like using a car to fly or using fire to get things wet, Light wasnt meant to darken, but here it is, Doom wasnt meant to help expand possibilities, but here its doing that as well, Life itself wasnt meant to create tyranny but it can do that as well

anonymous asked:

im so easily stressed and i cant do anything productive. i keep having to breathe and take breaks and its exhausting. i need help.

Sounds like you get overwhelmed anon! And that’s okay because you can work on this. Focus on one thing at a time, taking breaks is okay. Once you become more used to being productive you’re going to need less breaks and it’s going to take less out of you. Try to be compassionate with yourself and practise positive affirmations. “I can get this done, I can keep going etc.” Instead of seeing something as daunting and scary see it as a challenge for you to conquer. You can set up an awards system for yourself like if I get this done I will buy myself Starbucks, or I will watch a movie or read my new book. Try waking up earlier so you have the whole day to do something productive. Use post-it’s and lockscreens to motivate you, you could even ask a supportive friend to help you achieve some of your goals. Remember to never punish yourself for not being able to finish/do something! You’re trying your best and positive self talk will get you so much farther. Good luck! Xoxo

I feel like we all have already been through this, our exams are coming our way and we know that we need to study, but for some reason we just can’t keep focused. Well, here are some tips to keep you going even when you really really REALLY don’t feel like studying.

Disclaimer: You should not use all of this in one study session! 

take a break: A 10-15 minutes break won’t kill anyone, sometimes your brain is just too tired to keep processing things, so let it rest for some minutes, and you will be able to notice how much more aware and focus you will become. You could maybe eat some snacks, take a little shower or watch some youtube videos, whatever is going to make you more relaxed. I like to take showers, ‘cause showers are awesome!

Organize your study area: There’s nothing that irritates me more than bumping into stuff in my desk while I’m trying to write things down. So, clean your space, because then nothing will be discrating you and you’ll be able to concentrate much better. 

Making your notes pretty: There’s nothing that makes me more excited than writing some pretty notes while I’m studying, and it’s also a way to distract yourself from simply studying. So draw little images, use different colors, whatever helps to entertain you a bit more.   

Make lists!: If you know anything about me you might know that I’m obsessed with lists, but I swear this will help you so much! Many times when we are studying we make to-do lists, but our problem is that we list down tasks that will take too long to be completed. The best way to efficiently make a list is by writing small goals, for example, instead of writing down “study math”, you should list “solve 10 problems”. This might make  your list seem bigger, but you will be crossing things off very often, so that will give you a sense of being more productive and consequently, motivate you.

Change subjects: Sometimes your brain gets too tired of doing the same thing, so try to vary between subjects. If you were studying something that requires a lot of reading and writing, try to change it up for a subject that uses more problem solving, so you can rest from reading/writing, but still be productive. 

Get some studyblr motivation: I know this mind sound a bit strange, but seeing other people working might actually motivate you. I, for example, always feel like studying after I see those beautiful notes here on tumblr. Look at your favorite blogs, get some inspiration, see some different ideas for note-taking and try to use them during the rest of your session.But don’t let tumblr seduce you into not going back to study!

and last but not least…

Rest is sometimes needed: Loosing one day of study won’t ruin your life, so if you are not feeling well and can’t focus, just take the day off. You wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, forcing yourself to pay attention when you can’t focus (for some actual reason like feeling sick etc.) will only lead you to unproductiveness. Let your body rest, it deserves it. 

I hope this can help some of you out, wish you all the best of luck in your studies! - studyingmeblr

In the who’s who of the beauty world, Alicia Yoon is the foremost expert on Korean skincare. Intimidatingly educated, Yoon’s career trajectory has taken her from training as an esthetician in Korea to getting an Ivy League degree to landing a consulting job at a formidable global investment firm to enrolling in another Ivy business school to—catch your breath—launching Peach & Lily, the industry’s go-to resource for tracking down the best Korean skincare products. We asked Yoon the most important question of all: How do we get skin as dewy as hers? BECKY PEDERSON

First, what is your #1 skin concern?

For me, I’m perpetually suffering from jet lag. I travel to Korea every six weeks and fly all over the US when I’m home, and since I work with international clients I take a lot of phone calls in the middle of the night. Basically, I sleep very few hours and my skin is always in stress mode. On top of that, I have naturally dry skin—I have eczema—so I know I have to have a very thoughtful regimen just to keep my skin at neutral.

Can you walk us through your personal routine?

1. In the mornings, I start off with a tiny dab of Erborian Solid Cleansing Oil, which is actually a balm that transforms into a gentle oil cleanser on contact. I do this because when you’re sleeping, a lot of sebum is released as your skin metabolizes. Sometimes, toxins are also released and comingle with the sebum, and when that mixture interacts with the sun, free radicals can form. So it’s important to get it off in the morning.

I always follow up with a water-based cleanser. Just something mild and nourishing and not drying. Jurlique Herbal Recovery Antioxidant Cleansing Mousse is one of my favorites. Something many people don’t realize is that K-Beauty rituals don’t always involve all-Korean products. Jurlique embodies many of the principles Korean skincare-savvy people seek—they use natural ingredients organically grown on their farm in Australia, so you know their formulas won’t strip your skin.

2. After that, I’ll use a toner that’s formulated for dry skin. Like many Korean women, I love Caudalie’s Moisturizing Toner. Toners not only balance your skin’s pH, they also have some sort of hydrating agent. This one kick-starts your whole moisturizing process.

Then I absolutely always use an essence. I love essences because they prep your skin for every other step. This is something I learned in beauty school that really stuck with me: “Your skin is like a sponge. When it’s brittle and dry, anything that moves across its surface will crack it.” Not only does dehydrated skin make it harder to absorb products, but you’re prone to infections—you can get acne more easily, for example.

Essences are great because they’re really formulated for all skin types, plus they are all formulated with a less concentrated active ingredient—just like something you’d find in a serum or cream. So it’s not just about hydration; it’s also about getting some extra benefits. I like to recommend May Coop Raw Sauce as a great choice for newbies.

3. The serums, ampoules, and face oils come next for me. I really only use an ampoule when my skin is in serious crisis mode. But I always personally use a face oil because I know I need to help keep my moisture barrier strong. I like to mix in an argan oil with a serum that’s humectant-rich. I usually pick something with hyaluronic acid over something with glycerin. Other than that, this is where my routine gets customizable and really changes based on the season and whatever my lifestyle is like at the time.

The other thing I always use is a serum that focuses on firming. One thing dermatologists tell me that because my skin is so dry, it breaks down collagen faster and I’m more prone to sagging. It’s important for me to focus on that now because once my skin does start to sag, there won’t be much I can do about it outside of getting a facelift.

The ingredients I really like are anything with collagen, peptides, or vitamin C ester. Collagen is a bit controversial as to whether the particles are effectively used by the skin. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence by women who swear by it, but there are not a lot of clinical studies. But for me, because I need all the help I can get, I use treatments with collagen year-round just in case. My skin actually used to react poorly to vitamin C ester, but your skin type changes as you age. Now that I’m in my 30s, Dr. Perricone’s Vitamin C Ester 15 works great for me. I always use a few treatment products in this step, but this is the one I’m never without.

4. And then I’ll do a cream. In the morning, I’ll usually do a very light, water-based gel moisturizer. Because I do so many other steps, by the time I get to my moisturizer, I don’t need anything heavy even though I’m super dry. I rotate through a few, but one I really like right now is Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Cream. Come winter, it’s different—I’ll swap out for a heavier night cream. But even then, it’s not as heavy as it would be if I weren’t doing those other steps.

At night, about once a week I’ll switch out my night cream with an overnight sleeping mask. I really like those because I do see the difference. I know it’s formulated to actually go work while you’re sleeping, unlike a normal moisturizer that’s just supposed to keep everything sealed in.

5. I always finish off with—what else?—a finisher. I love all the AmorePacific Cushion Compacts, but especially the Resort Collection Sun Protection Cushion. The formulation is completely lightweight and buildable while providing plenty of coverage. It’s an easy way to incorporate SPF into your daily beauty routine, and it’s nice to be able to reapply SPF throughout the day in a way that doesn’t change your makeup—really, you’re just touching up your makeup. I love that this product doesn’t cake or flake; instead, it leaves skin looking radiant and dewy.

That’s a lot! Do you have any tips for people who are just dipping their toes into a K-Beauty routine?

The first thing is, don’t change everything and go nuts. Not only because your skin might react poorly, but because you won’t really know exactly what you’re responding to. You need to get to know your skin.

Introduce one new element at a time. Three weeks is about how long it takes to see if anything is happening. Once those three weeks are over, you can infuse a new element or switch to something else. Sometimes the results are hard to see, but if you’re really paying attention, you should be able to. Taking pictures helps.

If you’re looking for new products, there are three things you should really focus on doing well. The first is SPF. Damage from the sun is a very real thing, and once that damage is done, it is hard to reverse. Preventative skincare is so much easier to do than reparative skincare. SPF is a small daily habit, but it can be the difference between healthy skin and visibly damaged skin in your 40s and beyond. Find a good one that works for you.

Number two is proper cleansing. First, thorough cleansing—ensuring that oil-based impurities are removed from your skin gently. I find that a lot of people think exfoliating is the same as cleansing. But you’re really just stripping your face dry if you over-exfoliate. Instead, you want to gently coax impurities out of your pores. Use an oil-based cleanser because a lot of water-based cleansers can actually push impurities further down into your pores.

You also want to make sure you’re not causing more damage—over scrubbing, tugging, pulling, stripping your skin dry. Being careful can go a very long way.

The third thing is hydration. The environment of your skin will keep everything else functioning better. Everyone uses skincare products to fight signs of aging, but if your skin is dehydrated, your products can only do so much. That’s the #1 benefit of using an essence.

If you’ve already got a solid routine down, I’d suggest experimenting with serums via sheet masks. Like I mentioned, they’re not pricey and a fun way to test different things out. You’ll see skin really glow when it’s intensely hydrated.

And what about maintenance things, like peels?

In terms of exfoliation, I’ll do a peel only once or twice a week—I don’t have too many issues with oiliness or enlarged pores. I don’t do too many pore packs for those reasons, but for anyone who wants to address those things, the Hot/Cool Pore Pack Duo from Caolion is really great.

And finally, there are sheet masks. I really, really like sheet masks. They’re easy, portable, and a nice little treat. But the main reason I like sheet masks is because they keep my skincare routine very customizable in a very inexpensive way. I think of sheet masks as these à la carte serums.

I know my core serums need to focus on hydration and firming. But sometimes, I’ll look at my skin and think, “It’s just not as radiant today.” I don’t want to go out and buy a whole serum that focuses on dullness because that’s usually not my problem, but I’ll want a single treatment that day.

I always keep 20 to 30 sheet masks in my home that all have different formulations. It’s a very empowering feeling; I can always give my skin exactly what it’s “craving.” And I’ll do them on my long-haul flights, very shamelessly on the plane.

Is there one universal product that works for everyone?

Skincare really needs to be adjusted to both your personal lifestyle and the seasons. I would encourage people to experiment a lot, be adventurous, but be observant about what’s really working during the summer months and what’s working during the winter months. And also, how your skin is reacting to things as you age and as your lifestyle changes.

That said, I would recommend to everyone to get an essence. That is a product that will fit into any kind of routine you currently maintain. It can applied on any skin type and it’s easy to use—you just pat it on with your hands, a cotton pad, whatever—and it will just help all your other products perform better.

SHOP K-BEAUTY >

External image

Erborian / Solid Cleansing Oil
$39.00

External image

Jurlique / Herbal Recovery Antioxidant Cleansing Mousse
$34.00

External image

Dr. Jart+ / Ceramidin™ Cream
$48.00

External image

AmorePacific / Resort Collection Sun Protection Cushion SPF 30+
$40.00

External image

May Coop / Raw Sauce
$43.00

External image

Perricone MD / Vitamin C Ester 15
$130.00

External image

Caolion / Premium Hot & Cool Pore Pack Duo
$30.00

Being a "Try-Hard"

I simply do not understand why it’s a bad thing to be a try-hard.

Why do people have to lie and say “Oh I barely studied for an exam” when they damn well know they’ve been preparing since day 1.

Why do you have to make it sound like everything you do is effortless and easy?

If you worked for hours on end for a project at work, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take pride in it.

Is it the added benefit(?) of making others feel worse about themselves when they think that you excelled more even when you forgot about the assignment?

Is it because others don’t really like overachievers and you’re afraid to let it show for fear of being ridiculed?

What is it about being an openly hard worker that deters people?

If I work for days and nights on end for a new design, if I barely even get sleep because even in my dreams I’m working on my project, if I rarely even make the time to eat a meal because of how busy I am, why would I ever want to brush away my efforts with a lazy “Oh this? I just threw it together last night.”

I think part of it has to do with the way society is structured. People who don’t work as hard always have a problem with those who do work hard. It’s come to a point where they consider themselves superior because they don’t do anything, and we are inferior because we get up off our ass to go pursue our passions. Why are we, society as a whole, not placing value on the things that matter?

So what if someone studies for their MCAT instead of going out to the bar with you?

So what if someone spends sleepless nights developing a new product instead of lazing around with you?

Why does it matter? In fact, it should be opposite. Why are innovators, explorers, fucking over-achievers hiding themselves because of what a few unproductive people think?

Why are we feeling the need to conceal the true extent of our efforts just to reassure the few people that “No, we’re not better than you.”

We should be able to take pride in our efforts. If I worked four jobs in college just to pay for my tuition, why should I want to degrade my efforts to make it sound horribly simple?

Being a “Try-Hard”, “Over-Achiever”, whatever it is, it should never be considered a bad thing. These people are what support the world. Someone has to work to keep the rest of the world from collapsing. They should be always honored for their efforts. Not condemned.

anonymous asked:

How do you keep yourself disciplined when it comes to studying? I always make a plan for the day and then can never stick to it..

This is a frequently asked question, and there’s honestly no good answer to that since it really differs from people to people. But here’s a few tips on what works for me. 

  1. I usually try not to overload my schedule and be realistic about what I can achieve in a day. It takes a lot of self-discipline to finish everything, and that’s a skill that can be developed with time, but there’s a huge satisfaction from finishing everything off your list! Am I the only one who relishes on seeing their to-do list all checked off?
  2. However, if you do not complete everything, don’t sweat it. You can always push things to the next day, just as long as you eventually end up doing them. ;) 
  3. Try to set smaller goals for the day. So instead of “finish reading bio”, try “read chapter 1″ or “write notes on last class”. 
  4. Have an organized, clean study space with everything you need. I like to think that clean space = clean mind, so you can actually focus on the work you have to do. And having everything you need will allow you to not get up every 10 minutes to get something else. 
  5. Take breaks! It’s hard to be disciplined when you’re always on a roll. I usually go for 30ish-minute sessions with short breaks in between, and a longer break after 3-4 sessions. 
  6. Have a reward at the end of a good productive study session (for me that’s during the longer break after my 3-4 sessions). Maybe you can do the things that actually distract you while you study (checking your phone, looking at Youtube videos…). Or maybe it can be to watch a TV episode, go for a walk, play an instrument, eat something… Basically anything that will make you happy! 
  7. I work better with sound (so I don’t get distracted by tiny random sounds that might happen), but instead of music, I usually go for ambient sounds (like rain, wind, water stream, etc). There are many apps/websites that you can try, but I personally use Noizio (on my Mac) and White Noise (on my iPhone), and sometimes apps/sites like 8tracks have great ambient playlists. 
  8. Sometimes I like working with another friend (but only one!), and when you see them work hard, it might entice you to do the same. Just make sure to actually work (but you can still use the 30-minute long session system)! It’s basically playing the “first one to talk loses” game. You just gotta stay focused on your work! 
  9. Know your sources of distractions. If you know that your cell phone is a distraction, put it away, hide it, or even give it to someone so that they keep it! 
  10. Just do it! As I’ve said before, oftentimes the hardest part is the first two minutes. So just do it, and you will probably end up finishing a huge part of the work! 

I hope these tips helped you and/or anyone reading this who is having the same discipline problem. I definitely haven’t always been the most disciplined person, and I’m no expert at all when it comes to good study habits, but I like to think that I have definitely grown as a student and I love being able to help others. 

Good luck with everything! :) 

Rossi

“Camera Obscura” - Kurt/Blaine

Anon prompted: Can you write a story based on Darren’s new photoshoot?

 *sobs*

~2700 words | AO3

Someone is screaming outside.

Kurt leans a hip against the open window and peers down at the street one story below. Two tall, slender teenagers, a girl and a boy, chatter excitedly to a shorter man with slick black hair and a bright purple polo as he signs the backs of their phone cases.

“You’re one of my idols, Mr. Anderson,” the girl tells him, her words quick and clear as she speaks, her huge mane of black curls bouncing as she punctuates her sentences. “I went to your alma mater, before it burned down—”

“I hadn’t even heard they were allowing girls at Dalton. That’s amazing.”

She replies, “I was the first and only,” and Kurt can tell she’s proud by the way she tosses her hair back.

“A pioneer,” the man grins, holding a hand out to shake hers. “I can’t believe I got to meet you.”

Kurt grins, completely charmed. Judging by the look on her face, he’s probably just made this girl’s week.

Keep reading

Concerning Manwë...

Never have I posted any fandom Silmarillion thoughts, mainly because I prefer to discuss them with friends instead ((actually what I should be doing is writing long overdue answers to said friends but I am a horrible person who won´t be able to do anything remotely productive until I get certain things out of my chest))

I´m pretty sure some melkorslegacy´s post inserted itselft so deep in my skull, my dear, lovable brain didn´t stop mulling over it until I´m indeed posting it. (And certainly lastest givenclarity´s Melkor/Manwë pic did NOT helped!) ((not tagging anyone even if metioned ´cause I don´t wanna force anyone into reading this just to know why they were mentioned -_- ))

So, here it comes:

“Manwë is scary as fuck

Now now, that was just the conclusion (albeit expressed in a more comical way, because as always today I was in a very comical mood apparently). 

Please I beg you, let me elaborate a little.

*warning: I may be even get a little philosophical ((yeah, it´s happening))  o__o

Keep reading

youtube

I love many things about this video (a wonderful German baritone singing the beginning of the Nibelungenlied) but chief among them is that he’s sitting in the middle of the Alps casually playing the harp