the things i do instead of anything productive

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


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SO instead of doing anything productive I wrote a little drabble for @miracusims given the angst/heartbreak in the newest update!

Piper blocked Louis’ number. Louis is positive it won’t last long. Him and Pipes are best friends. She just needs time. Right?

Keep reading

“I have a lot of damage, and I’m not saying that.
like, ‘Oh, pity me’ or anything.
Instead of being myself, I was definitely a
product of my environment, and that was
something [Guns N’ Roses] has thrown back in
the world’s face.

'You don’t like us? Fuck you! You helped create
us! Your ways of doing things helped make
sure we exist the way we are.’

We didn’t have a choice to exist any other way.”

- Axl Rose


Guys. It’s 6 am. I fell asleep on the couch around 10 last night after getting home late from work the third day in a row. My job is insane this month. I usually work Monday-Saturday, but right now I’m pulling overtime and shit on top of that.

I meant to come home and finish that Prompto/Gladio/Ignis ficlet thing.
I meant to answer my backed-up Asks.
I meant to work on the yakuza AU.

Instead I was too tired to even make dinner and passed out without doing anything productive.

For those of you waiting for any of the above - I’m sorry for moving so slow :( Please be patient a little longer while I try to survive the rest of April. I promise to do my best to keep updating in the meantime.

Now to go shower and start another long-ass day ;^;

I feel like we all have already been through this, our exams are coming our way and we know that we need to study, but for some reason we just can’t keep focused. Well, here are some tips to keep you going even when you really really REALLY don’t feel like studying.

Disclaimer: You should not use all of this in one study session! 

take a break: A 10-15 minutes break won’t kill anyone, sometimes your brain is just too tired to keep processing things, so let it rest for some minutes, and you will be able to notice how much more aware and focus you will become. You could maybe eat some snacks, take a little shower or watch some youtube videos, whatever is going to make you more relaxed. I like to take showers, ‘cause showers are awesome!

Organize your study area: There’s nothing that irritates me more than bumping into stuff in my desk while I’m trying to write things down. So, clean your space, because then nothing will be discrating you and you’ll be able to concentrate much better. 

Making your notes pretty: There’s nothing that makes me more excited than writing some pretty notes while I’m studying, and it’s also a way to distract yourself from simply studying. So draw little images, use different colors, whatever helps to entertain you a bit more.   

Make lists!: If you know anything about me you might know that I’m obsessed with lists, but I swear this will help you so much! Many times when we are studying we make to-do lists, but our problem is that we list down tasks that will take too long to be completed. The best way to efficiently make a list is by writing small goals, for example, instead of writing down “study math”, you should list “solve 10 problems”. This might make  your list seem bigger, but you will be crossing things off very often, so that will give you a sense of being more productive and consequently, motivate you.

Change subjects: Sometimes your brain gets too tired of doing the same thing, so try to vary between subjects. If you were studying something that requires a lot of reading and writing, try to change it up for a subject that uses more problem solving, so you can rest from reading/writing, but still be productive. 

Get some studyblr motivation: I know this mind sound a bit strange, but seeing other people working might actually motivate you. I, for example, always feel like studying after I see those beautiful notes here on tumblr. Look at your favorite blogs, get some inspiration, see some different ideas for note-taking and try to use them during the rest of your session.But don’t let tumblr seduce you into not going back to study!

and last but not least…

Rest is sometimes needed: Loosing one day of study won’t ruin your life, so if you are not feeling well and can’t focus, just take the day off. You wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, forcing yourself to pay attention when you can’t focus (for some actual reason like feeling sick etc.) will only lead you to unproductiveness. Let your body rest, it deserves it. 

I hope this can help some of you out, wish you all the best of luck in your studies! - studyingmeblr

In the who’s who of the beauty world, Alicia Yoon is the foremost expert on Korean skincare. Intimidatingly educated, Yoon’s career trajectory has taken her from training as an esthetician in Korea to getting an Ivy League degree to landing a consulting job at a formidable global investment firm to enrolling in another Ivy business school to—catch your breath—launching Peach & Lily, the industry’s go-to resource for tracking down the best Korean skincare products. We asked Yoon the most important question of all: How do we get skin as dewy as hers? BECKY PEDERSON

First, what is your #1 skin concern?

For me, I’m perpetually suffering from jet lag. I travel to Korea every six weeks and fly all over the US when I’m home, and since I work with international clients I take a lot of phone calls in the middle of the night. Basically, I sleep very few hours and my skin is always in stress mode. On top of that, I have naturally dry skin—I have eczema—so I know I have to have a very thoughtful regimen just to keep my skin at neutral.

Can you walk us through your personal routine?

1. In the mornings, I start off with a tiny dab of Erborian Solid Cleansing Oil, which is actually a balm that transforms into a gentle oil cleanser on contact. I do this because when you’re sleeping, a lot of sebum is released as your skin metabolizes. Sometimes, toxins are also released and comingle with the sebum, and when that mixture interacts with the sun, free radicals can form. So it’s important to get it off in the morning.

I always follow up with a water-based cleanser. Just something mild and nourishing and not drying. Jurlique Herbal Recovery Antioxidant Cleansing Mousse is one of my favorites. Something many people don’t realize is that K-Beauty rituals don’t always involve all-Korean products. Jurlique embodies many of the principles Korean skincare-savvy people seek—they use natural ingredients organically grown on their farm in Australia, so you know their formulas won’t strip your skin.

2. After that, I’ll use a toner that’s formulated for dry skin. Like many Korean women, I love Caudalie’s Moisturizing Toner. Toners not only balance your skin’s pH, they also have some sort of hydrating agent. This one kick-starts your whole moisturizing process.

Then I absolutely always use an essence. I love essences because they prep your skin for every other step. This is something I learned in beauty school that really stuck with me: “Your skin is like a sponge. When it’s brittle and dry, anything that moves across its surface will crack it.” Not only does dehydrated skin make it harder to absorb products, but you’re prone to infections—you can get acne more easily, for example.

Essences are great because they’re really formulated for all skin types, plus they are all formulated with a less concentrated active ingredient—just like something you’d find in a serum or cream. So it’s not just about hydration; it’s also about getting some extra benefits. I like to recommend May Coop Raw Sauce as a great choice for newbies.

3. The serums, ampoules, and face oils come next for me. I really only use an ampoule when my skin is in serious crisis mode. But I always personally use a face oil because I know I need to help keep my moisture barrier strong. I like to mix in an argan oil with a serum that’s humectant-rich. I usually pick something with hyaluronic acid over something with glycerin. Other than that, this is where my routine gets customizable and really changes based on the season and whatever my lifestyle is like at the time.

The other thing I always use is a serum that focuses on firming. One thing dermatologists tell me that because my skin is so dry, it breaks down collagen faster and I’m more prone to sagging. It’s important for me to focus on that now because once my skin does start to sag, there won’t be much I can do about it outside of getting a facelift.

The ingredients I really like are anything with collagen, peptides, or vitamin C ester. Collagen is a bit controversial as to whether the particles are effectively used by the skin. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence by women who swear by it, but there are not a lot of clinical studies. But for me, because I need all the help I can get, I use treatments with collagen year-round just in case. My skin actually used to react poorly to vitamin C ester, but your skin type changes as you age. Now that I’m in my 30s, Dr. Perricone’s Vitamin C Ester 15 works great for me. I always use a few treatment products in this step, but this is the one I’m never without.

4. And then I’ll do a cream. In the morning, I’ll usually do a very light, water-based gel moisturizer. Because I do so many other steps, by the time I get to my moisturizer, I don’t need anything heavy even though I’m super dry. I rotate through a few, but one I really like right now is Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Cream. Come winter, it’s different—I’ll swap out for a heavier night cream. But even then, it’s not as heavy as it would be if I weren’t doing those other steps.

At night, about once a week I’ll switch out my night cream with an overnight sleeping mask. I really like those because I do see the difference. I know it’s formulated to actually go work while you’re sleeping, unlike a normal moisturizer that’s just supposed to keep everything sealed in.

5. I always finish off with—what else?—a finisher. I love all the AmorePacific Cushion Compacts, but especially the Resort Collection Sun Protection Cushion. The formulation is completely lightweight and buildable while providing plenty of coverage. It’s an easy way to incorporate SPF into your daily beauty routine, and it’s nice to be able to reapply SPF throughout the day in a way that doesn’t change your makeup—really, you’re just touching up your makeup. I love that this product doesn’t cake or flake; instead, it leaves skin looking radiant and dewy.

That’s a lot! Do you have any tips for people who are just dipping their toes into a K-Beauty routine?

The first thing is, don’t change everything and go nuts. Not only because your skin might react poorly, but because you won’t really know exactly what you’re responding to. You need to get to know your skin.

Introduce one new element at a time. Three weeks is about how long it takes to see if anything is happening. Once those three weeks are over, you can infuse a new element or switch to something else. Sometimes the results are hard to see, but if you’re really paying attention, you should be able to. Taking pictures helps.

If you’re looking for new products, there are three things you should really focus on doing well. The first is SPF. Damage from the sun is a very real thing, and once that damage is done, it is hard to reverse. Preventative skincare is so much easier to do than reparative skincare. SPF is a small daily habit, but it can be the difference between healthy skin and visibly damaged skin in your 40s and beyond. Find a good one that works for you.

Number two is proper cleansing. First, thorough cleansing—ensuring that oil-based impurities are removed from your skin gently. I find that a lot of people think exfoliating is the same as cleansing. But you’re really just stripping your face dry if you over-exfoliate. Instead, you want to gently coax impurities out of your pores. Use an oil-based cleanser because a lot of water-based cleansers can actually push impurities further down into your pores.

You also want to make sure you’re not causing more damage—over scrubbing, tugging, pulling, stripping your skin dry. Being careful can go a very long way.

The third thing is hydration. The environment of your skin will keep everything else functioning better. Everyone uses skincare products to fight signs of aging, but if your skin is dehydrated, your products can only do so much. That’s the #1 benefit of using an essence.

If you’ve already got a solid routine down, I’d suggest experimenting with serums via sheet masks. Like I mentioned, they’re not pricey and a fun way to test different things out. You’ll see skin really glow when it’s intensely hydrated.

And what about maintenance things, like peels?

In terms of exfoliation, I’ll do a peel only once or twice a week—I don’t have too many issues with oiliness or enlarged pores. I don’t do too many pore packs for those reasons, but for anyone who wants to address those things, the Hot/Cool Pore Pack Duo from Caolion is really great.

And finally, there are sheet masks. I really, really like sheet masks. They’re easy, portable, and a nice little treat. But the main reason I like sheet masks is because they keep my skincare routine very customizable in a very inexpensive way. I think of sheet masks as these à la carte serums.

I know my core serums need to focus on hydration and firming. But sometimes, I’ll look at my skin and think, “It’s just not as radiant today.” I don’t want to go out and buy a whole serum that focuses on dullness because that’s usually not my problem, but I’ll want a single treatment that day.

I always keep 20 to 30 sheet masks in my home that all have different formulations. It’s a very empowering feeling; I can always give my skin exactly what it’s “craving.” And I’ll do them on my long-haul flights, very shamelessly on the plane.

Is there one universal product that works for everyone?

Skincare really needs to be adjusted to both your personal lifestyle and the seasons. I would encourage people to experiment a lot, be adventurous, but be observant about what’s really working during the summer months and what’s working during the winter months. And also, how your skin is reacting to things as you age and as your lifestyle changes.

That said, I would recommend to everyone to get an essence. That is a product that will fit into any kind of routine you currently maintain. It can applied on any skin type and it’s easy to use—you just pat it on with your hands, a cotton pad, whatever—and it will just help all your other products perform better.


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Erborian / Solid Cleansing Oil

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Jurlique / Herbal Recovery Antioxidant Cleansing Mousse

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Dr. Jart+ / Ceramidin™ Cream

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AmorePacific / Resort Collection Sun Protection Cushion SPF 30+

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May Coop / Raw Sauce

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Perricone MD / Vitamin C Ester 15

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Caolion / Premium Hot & Cool Pore Pack Duo

anonymous asked:

How do you keep yourself disciplined when it comes to studying? I always make a plan for the day and then can never stick to it..

This is a frequently asked question, and there’s honestly no good answer to that since it really differs from people to people. But here’s a few tips on what works for me. 

  1. I usually try not to overload my schedule and be realistic about what I can achieve in a day. It takes a lot of self-discipline to finish everything, and that’s a skill that can be developed with time, but there’s a huge satisfaction from finishing everything off your list! Am I the only one who relishes on seeing their to-do list all checked off?
  2. However, if you do not complete everything, don’t sweat it. You can always push things to the next day, just as long as you eventually end up doing them. ;) 
  3. Try to set smaller goals for the day. So instead of “finish reading bio”, try “read chapter 1″ or “write notes on last class”. 
  4. Have an organized, clean study space with everything you need. I like to think that clean space = clean mind, so you can actually focus on the work you have to do. And having everything you need will allow you to not get up every 10 minutes to get something else. 
  5. Take breaks! It’s hard to be disciplined when you’re always on a roll. I usually go for 30ish-minute sessions with short breaks in between, and a longer break after 3-4 sessions. 
  6. Have a reward at the end of a good productive study session (for me that’s during the longer break after my 3-4 sessions). Maybe you can do the things that actually distract you while you study (checking your phone, looking at Youtube videos…). Or maybe it can be to watch a TV episode, go for a walk, play an instrument, eat something… Basically anything that will make you happy! 
  7. I work better with sound (so I don’t get distracted by tiny random sounds that might happen), but instead of music, I usually go for ambient sounds (like rain, wind, water stream, etc). There are many apps/websites that you can try, but I personally use Noizio (on my Mac) and White Noise (on my iPhone), and sometimes apps/sites like 8tracks have great ambient playlists. 
  8. Sometimes I like working with another friend (but only one!), and when you see them work hard, it might entice you to do the same. Just make sure to actually work (but you can still use the 30-minute long session system)! It’s basically playing the “first one to talk loses” game. You just gotta stay focused on your work! 
  9. Know your sources of distractions. If you know that your cell phone is a distraction, put it away, hide it, or even give it to someone so that they keep it! 
  10. Just do it! As I’ve said before, oftentimes the hardest part is the first two minutes. So just do it, and you will probably end up finishing a huge part of the work! 

I hope these tips helped you and/or anyone reading this who is having the same discipline problem. I definitely haven’t always been the most disciplined person, and I’m no expert at all when it comes to good study habits, but I like to think that I have definitely grown as a student and I love being able to help others. 

Good luck with everything! :) 


Concerning Manwë...

Never have I posted any fandom Silmarillion thoughts, mainly because I prefer to discuss them with friends instead ((actually what I should be doing is writing long overdue answers to said friends but I am a horrible person who won´t be able to do anything remotely productive until I get certain things out of my chest))

I´m pretty sure some melkorslegacy´s post inserted itselft so deep in my skull, my dear, lovable brain didn´t stop mulling over it until I´m indeed posting it. (And certainly lastest givenclarity´s Melkor/Manwë pic did NOT helped!) ((not tagging anyone even if metioned ´cause I don´t wanna force anyone into reading this just to know why they were mentioned -_- ))

So, here it comes:

“Manwë is scary as fuck

Now now, that was just the conclusion (albeit expressed in a more comical way, because as always today I was in a very comical mood apparently). 

Please I beg you, let me elaborate a little.

*warning: I may be even get a little philosophical ((yeah, it´s happening))  o__o

Keep reading

“Camera Obscura” - Kurt/Blaine

Anon prompted: Can you write a story based on Darren’s new photoshoot?


~2700 words | AO3

Someone is screaming outside.

Kurt leans a hip against the open window and peers down at the street one story below. Two tall, slender teenagers, a girl and a boy, chatter excitedly to a shorter man with slick black hair and a bright purple polo as he signs the backs of their phone cases.

“You’re one of my idols, Mr. Anderson,” the girl tells him, her words quick and clear as she speaks, her huge mane of black curls bouncing as she punctuates her sentences. “I went to your alma mater, before it burned down—”

“I hadn’t even heard they were allowing girls at Dalton. That’s amazing.”

She replies, “I was the first and only,” and Kurt can tell she’s proud by the way she tosses her hair back.

“A pioneer,” the man grins, holding a hand out to shake hers. “I can’t believe I got to meet you.”

Kurt grins, completely charmed. Judging by the look on her face, he’s probably just made this girl’s week.

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Being a "Try-Hard"

I simply do not understand why it’s a bad thing to be a try-hard.

Why do people have to lie and say “Oh I barely studied for an exam” when they damn well know they’ve been preparing since day 1.

Why do you have to make it sound like everything you do is effortless and easy?

If you worked for hours on end for a project at work, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take pride in it.

Is it the added benefit(?) of making others feel worse about themselves when they think that you excelled more even when you forgot about the assignment?

Is it because others don’t really like overachievers and you’re afraid to let it show for fear of being ridiculed?

What is it about being an openly hard worker that deters people?

If I work for days and nights on end for a new design, if I barely even get sleep because even in my dreams I’m working on my project, if I rarely even make the time to eat a meal because of how busy I am, why would I ever want to brush away my efforts with a lazy “Oh this? I just threw it together last night.”

I think part of it has to do with the way society is structured. People who don’t work as hard always have a problem with those who do work hard. It’s come to a point where they consider themselves superior because they don’t do anything, and we are inferior because we get up off our ass to go pursue our passions. Why are we, society as a whole, not placing value on the things that matter?

So what if someone studies for their MCAT instead of going out to the bar with you?

So what if someone spends sleepless nights developing a new product instead of lazing around with you?

Why does it matter? In fact, it should be opposite. Why are innovators, explorers, fucking over-achievers hiding themselves because of what a few unproductive people think?

Why are we feeling the need to conceal the true extent of our efforts just to reassure the few people that “No, we’re not better than you.”

We should be able to take pride in our efforts. If I worked four jobs in college just to pay for my tuition, why should I want to degrade my efforts to make it sound horribly simple?

Being a “Try-Hard”, “Over-Achiever”, whatever it is, it should never be considered a bad thing. These people are what support the world. Someone has to work to keep the rest of the world from collapsing. They should be always honored for their efforts. Not condemned.

Back to School: Your Help Guide to Waking up Early

1. Set your alarm for waking up early, a week or more before school starts. This will help you get into the habit of waking up earlier and you will ease yourself into it so that by the first day back you can wake up feeling refreshed instead of grumpy 

2. Keep your phone away from you when you sleep… on the other side of the room if possible or maybe inside the drawer of your bedside table. This forces you to actually wake up and be attentive in order to turn off that alarm instead of just being able to roll over and tapping snooze. 

3. Get out of your bed and open the curtains or blinds to let sunlight in, it will energize you and again force you to wake up. Plus, who doesn’t like watching the warm rays of the rising sun, if you are a nature lover or you just enjoy watching the sunrise this will even help you start your day on a positive and productive note.

4. Try to set yourself a regimen, I know this is hard because of all the homework and assignments and jobs  or extracurriculars that accumulate over the school year but if you put in the effort to set yourself a regular sleep time each night you will definitely see the results. 

5. Plan the night before. If there’s anything that you can get done fairly quickly at night so that you have more time to do things in the morning instead of rushing yourself because you’re rampaging through the house trying to find the pair of jeans that you thought was in your closet. The benefit of this is that your subconcious and concious mind will both feel at ease knowing that you are more relaxed about the day to come and it will allow for a better sleep which in turn will help you wake up on time.

Do you guys have any tips for waking up earlier in the morning for school? Reply to this post! 


Far From Worthless (Kendall Jenner Imagine)

Request: Where Y/N feels insecure about her body and Kendall comforts her
Pairing: Kendall Jenner x Reader (Y/N)
Trigger warnings: Explicit language
Word count: 1061


I was sat in front of the mirror again. Here I was, thinking about people’s harsh words about my body, my face, my voice; whatever they could find to hate on me.

I had my phone in my hand, scrolling through comments under my latest Instagram post.

“Fat hoe!”

“Why does she have followers?”

“Look at her double chin!”

“Ew, go kys…”

“She makes me want to puke. Gross bitch.”

I couldn’t dare to scroll more, instead I threw the phone into my bed and looked at my body carefully in the mirror once again.

I wasn’t the skinniest.

I had flaws.

I always knew that I couldn’t be perfect and even though it was very hard to accept it, I did.

But something about their hateful comments always got me.

I was weak.

“Ugly.” I murmured and felt another tear escape from my burning eyes.

I’ve been struggling with insecurities since I known myself. It was never easy. To accept yourself the way you are.

I always seemed that carefree girl who was always satisfied with her appearance.

But deep down, no one knew how much I hated my appearance.

How much I wanted to change it.

But how hard it was.

“You’re so fucking ugly.” I repeated. This time crying more.

My shirt was covered in tears and my neck was sweaty from the crying.

I continued to examine my body in the mirror and didn’t hear the sound of my front door open.


Kendall stood next to the door frame, checking me out.

Probably wondering why the hell I was stood in front of a mirror with nothing but boxers on.

She wasn’t supposed to see me like that.

I was always so strong in front of her.

She wasn’t supposed to know that I lied.

“What’s wrong?” Kendall came closer, dropping her bag next to the door.

I quickly hugged my body, trying not to cry in front of her.

Seeing me this vulnerable was enough.

“Nothing, I just got out of the shower,” I slurred, the lump in my throat making it harder to talk.

“You’re crying.”

“…no?” I faked a smile.

She was smart.

Damn it, Kendall Jenner.

Even in a situation like this, she made it easy for me to fall in love with her more.

“Look at me,” I was in such deep thoughts that I didn’t realize her getting closer to me, now sitting next to me with a worried face.

“Baby, look at me. Please.” She tried again.

I was too ashamed to look at her. I was a failure. I didn’t want her to see me like this.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen when I was gone?” She spoke, taking my hands which were around my body and placing them in hers.

They were warm.

Unlike mines.

“I’m so sorry.” I let it go.

I finally let it go and cried.

So fucking hard that I could feel her chest shaking against mine while I cried on it.

“No baby. Why are you sorry? Please talk to me. I want to help.”

“I’m so fucking ugly! Why are you with me? You can do so much better. I wouldn’t blame you if you left, I can’t do this anymore. All I do is beat myself up. I just can’t. Everytime I look into this damn mirror, I can’t help but turn my face away with disgust. ” I told her, now looking into her eyes.

Unlike my other girlfriends, they didn’t have pity in them.

They just had that thing where you only could see in your mother’s eyes whenever she sees you hurt.

She used her fingers to wipe my tears gently. She cupped my cheeks.

(A/N: Kendall’s words are taken from the poem Far From Worthless by Rye Productions - I don’t own anything. Go listen to it, it’s an amazing poem; I dedicate it to all of you.)

“I’m not going to tell you that you’re beautiful, even though I know it’s something to be true you’re just gonna shake it off like you always do, so instead I want you to look at me and just know that I’m a fool for you. Remember when I use to skip school for you? Tried to act cool for you? I was so scared of losing you to someone else that I’d always put you before myself. Your health before mine. I was never late, I was always on time ‘cause your love sustained me. Like a flower that needs sunshine. So don’t you ever think that you’re not worthy of me and remember you only see what you want to see, not beneath the surface. After all, I’ve been told that airports have seen more sincere kisses than wedding halls and the walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches. So learn to look past all of your troubles and realise what your true worth is. You’re far from worthless. Think about the raw emotions of that come with what the miracle birth is, new life brought into this vast world. Born innocent but turned cold. Being told that to fit in you have to be perfect taking pills to ease the pain to make it hurt less. You feel like you’ll never get what you need. Cutting your soft skin to see of you still bleed feeding the depression and planting seeds that will grow to destroy you, I can’t save your soul for you. That’s your decision. Change the path pave a new track stay away from the darkness and avoid the collision.” She placed a kiss on my cold hand.

“You’re what I want, Y/N. I don’t care about your appearance. Hell, you’re so fucking beautiful that you make it hard to breath whenever I’m in a same room with you. But I just want you to know that, I see through your soul. And your soul, it amazes me. I love you for that.”

She saw that I couldn’t find any words to speak so she just hugged me tighter.

“Let’s cuddle, huh? I’ll massage your head.”

Maybe these words didn’t make me fully aware of the beauty of me but, it reminded me that Kendall would be always there to remind me and pull me away from all the shit this world makes me go through.
Yoongi - A Note for Later

Request - Can I have an angst/fluff scenario when Yoongi comes home frustrated and starts yelling at his girlfriend because she was being lazy, which leads to her kicking him out, and overworking herself for a week, until he comes back.. Happy ending please! Thank you! - Raindrop

A/N: I said I would have it done within a week…. and it’s only been two days… 

word count: 2,655

Originally posted by jinful

Yoongi kicks the elevator door as it moves up to the floor you two live on. He ruffles his hair, sighing deeply as he walks down the hall to the door. He pauses a moment, closing his eyes.

Lately lyrics have been hard to write. They don’t flow like usual. It angers him to no end. He holds a pencil above the paper but his hand won’t move. His mind is jumbled. To add even more troubles, the dance for their new title track is tough, he is having a difficult time learning it. Thus with him not learning it quickly, it sets everyone else back, waiting for him to learn it so they can process forward.

The past month has been hell for him.  

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Nono guys honestly as much as I don’t think Infinity is a right single choice, if there is any kind of project to promote another song to be set up it just should be when the things get quieter and they aren’t doing anything musically, it shouldn’t be going on at the same time as when the single is being released, let’s not do that ok.

anonymous asked:

forever cackling at blacksmith thorin setting up a booth in the market and everyone's paying no attention to him because dwarves man what've they got to sell they keep their stuff to themselves and then thorin's screaming "DWARVEN CRAFTS! FINEST DWARVEN CRAFTS THIS SIDE OF THE MISTY MOUNTAINS!"


Ok tho but also imagine Thorin being the fucking worse because he keeps getting into fights with all the hobbits.


I seem to have a bunch of new followers. Hi, new followers! Welcome to my flailing. And what better way to welcome them than with an extremely long wall of text. Hooray!

I think most of us agree that our last visit with Mulder and Scully was not all we had hoped for. I personally have a lot of affection for IWTB, but there was PLENTY of room for improvement. My impression was that everybody involved with IWTB was secretly or not-so-secretly looking at it as the first in a renewed franchise – I remember a lot of talk about “well, the next one will be about the mythology.” In other words, IWTB contained a lot of leisurely groundwork-laying, and as it turned out, it was for naught. This time out, I’m pretty sure we’re at the end of the line for X-Files, which is OK (she said bravely) – at least we know it this time. I want them to get it right. And because I’M SURE that all of 1013 closely follows the goings-on of tumblr user myassbrokethefall, I would like to take a look at some of the shortcomings of our previous outing and talk about lessons learned and how we can do better this time. And by “we,” I mean “I have nothing whatsoever to do with it, but I am overinvested.” Since we just found out that CC hasn’t started writing anything yet, THERE IS STILL TIME.

And so I present:

The Top 6 (because that was how many I felt like writing) Things Wrong with IWTB (and What to Do Instead)

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Follow up to that post though: If you aren’t sure if you’re sealed or not PLEASE do not approach artist’s tables or vendor’s stalls until you are. If you do, DON’T touch anything. You could ruin products and prints with your paint, and severely harm the sales of the people in the halls.

If you don’t know how to seal your paint, please, there are guides to help. The one I linked is a homestuck specific one but I’m sure you can extrapolate from there. The tights linked in the guide come in all sorts of colors and can be applicable to pretty much everyone you’re going to be cosplaying. Please PLEASE consider arm socks instead of painting your hands. Especially if you want to handle things at con. Your vendors and artists will thank you, and it’s a lot easier to get out of arm socks than it is to strip out of paint.

•When I was 10 years old, in Mexico on vacation, I got my hair braided because I saw so many other people getting it done. Keep in mind I saw people of ALL races/ethnicities doing it. And guess what? I looked cute as hell, and loved my hair!

•I’ve had dreamcatchers in my room since I was a baby, and have enjoyed collecting them for years because they are beautiful, intricate, interesting, and have a really cool concept behind them. I even took a little craft class that was hosted by a wonderful Aboriginal woman, that taught me how to make my own dreamcatcher, and she excitedly taught me and all my white/Asian/Middle Eastern/etc peers how to make them.

•I occasionally braid my hair (regular style, just one braid in the back or whatever, not the corn row style like in Mexico) because that hair style is cute and looks good on basically anyone.

•throughout my life I’ve worn different styles of jewelry or accessories like those cute hemp necklaces with puka shells, or things with my tribal zodiac symbol on it, or things with Native American drawings of animals on it, or those bracelets that connect to rings with a chain or beads, and I currently have my nose pierced. Because all of those things are cool and look awesome and are pretty.

•I have naturally curly hair. If I leave it for a week or more without doing anything product-wise to it, it gets REALLY curly. And even though my skin is naturally so pale I almost glow in the dark, my hair is also naturally a big curly mane of hair instead of the stereotypical straight-ish hair some people believe most white people have

•I enjoy tanning in the summer, getting some nice bronze skin because although I do love my naturally pale skin, I also like how I look with a tan because let’s face it, pretty bronze glowing skin looks good too! Plus on me, it hides my flaws a bit better, like scars or marks or whatever. Point is, yes, I like having a bit darker skin sometimes, via tan

•I own a sarong, and have worn it many times, because it’s great for the beach or themed events, or just a cute summer style if you please. I got it in Mexico, and I love it!

Now, I’ve listed all I can think of that some of those SJWs will try and attack me about, saying I’m causing cultural appropriation, but the fact is, different styles are adopted all over the place by everyone, because styles EVOLVE all over the world. All the time. It has since humans started to exist. There’s nothing wrong with it and it can’t be stopped. Of course there are some things that are not okay, like white people wearing a Native headdress ironically. Nope not okay, I’ll agree. But saying a white person styling their HAIR a certain way is the same as/just as bad as that is possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Your hair can not be oppressed. Your jewelry can not be oppressed. End of story. What I listed is cultural APPRECIATION.