I just came out as a trans guy and now that I've worked it out I'm not sure where to begin, do you have any advice/tips/do's and don'ts?
I’ve been living as male for a while now and here’s some of the stuff I’ve picked up (Note: Some of these can be useful for our non binary buds as well)
- Boxers are LIVE SAVERS. Seriously. They should be one of the first things you buy. If you can’t do ANYTHING else, get yourself some boxers.
- Layering helps hide any bumps that a binder can’t, and also helps hide anything you don’t want people to see if you don’t have a binder or can’t wear one for whatever reason.
- Wearing loose clothing helps in the summer when you can’t layer without melting.
- If you’re quite short like me and nothing ever quite fits you, you might have to adjust certain items of clothing yourself. There are places that sell clothes for shorter men but they can be more expensive.
- Men’s jeans are an utter delight regardless of what gender you are. None of this phone-sticking-halfway-out-the-back-pocket-clings-to-all-the-wrong-places bullshit. Might have to roll the legs up a bit but it’s not a problem.
- Number one rule: ABSOLUTELY DO NOT FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER bind with bandages. They’re designed to compress and it does work, but they’re not designed to move with you when you breathe and they could break your ribs. Not to mention they’re super fucking painful.
- DON’T GET ONE OF THESE:
Just… look at this shit. First of all, this looks absolutely horrifying, and secondly these are DEFINITELY NOT SAFE. A binder shouldn’t have clasps or velcro or a zip; it should be one piece and look more like a short crop top. Underworks or GC2B are the best places to get one and they’re not too expensive either.
- If I had to pick the best place to get a binder, I would say GC2B. Underworks binders were not originally made for trans guys whereas GC2B binders were. Once again, if you’re short like me, an Underworks binder could cut off at an awkward place (eg. the top of your waist which feels super weird) and my GC2B binder doesn’t do that.
I could go on all day about how much I love my GC2B binder because not only does it bind well, it’s also very comfortable. It kind of feels like wearing the top part of a swimsuit under your clothes, if that makes sense.
- Binders shouldn’t be worn for more than 8-10 hours MAX and don’t wear it for more than 8 hours at the beginning. The way I eased into it was by wearing it out for three hours to sort of ‘break it in’ and then went to school in it the next day and it was great. And it’s totally fine to go to a bathroom or something halfway through the day if you need a hot minute to take a break.
- You can swim in some binders but it’s better to get another one a size up specifically for swimming.
- It’s so, so SO important you measure yourself properly and get the right size. Don’t deliberately get a binder that’s too small, because you likely won’t be able to get it on your bod and if you do it’s going to be super uncomfortable.
- NEVER sleep in a binder. Just. Don’t do it. Please. I once fell asleep in an airport with a binder on and it was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been in my life.
- If you’re going on a long trip or something and you don’t know if you’ll have an opportunity to take off your binder when you need to, it’s best not to wear it at all. Yes, it sucks, but sometimes feeling slightly dysphoric is better than feeling like death for hours or days afterwards.
- Chest binders are DELICATE and I would recommend hand washing them. I wash mine in the sink with soap and warm water. Also, it’s best to wash a binder every 2 weeks or so because they can really start to smell, but I get that for some people (particularly those of us whose families aren’t entirely supportive) it’s not possible to wash a binder when there are people in the house so just do it whenever you can. In the eight months I’ve had mine I’ve only been able to wash it a grand total of five times which is disgusting so if possible, don’t do that.
- If you can’t afford or can’t wear a binder, the sports bra thing does work, trust me.
Hygiene and Hair and other shit
- Using men’s products works MAGIC. How many of us have used one for the first time and had a blissful “I SMELL LIKE A MAN” moment.
- While having long hair is great and all, it might be better to cut it short. And it’s taken me like two years to work out what kind of haircut I like on me so take as long as you need.
- Putting a tiny bit of concealer or foundation on the edge of your lips can help you look a lot more masculine, as well as filling in your eyebrows. And if you’re unable to get out of your emo phase like myself, eyeliner is still a-OK.
Important Side Note:
It’s VERY MUCH OK to still want to wear makeup and do your nails and wear traditionally ‘feminine’ clothes. You do you.
I've been working as a veterinary assistant for a while now and I know clients say some crazy things. I was just wondering what is the weirdest/craziest thing you have ever heard a client say in regards to their pet?
Mate, the whole general public is weird, we’ve a very strange species. I don’t think I could pick one single weird thing that’s happened, but here’s a handful of some of the strangest ones.
Myself, a newly graduated white woman being adamantly mistaken for an experienced vet of South East Asian heritage.
At the age of 22 being presented with a book for ‘my kids’, which I didn’t have, with the target age range of that book being around 9 years of age.
Being told they don’t want to give paralysis tick anti-toxin to their dog because if it survives without it then it will be immune to the toxin in the future.
A frantic call to emergency at 3 in the morning because the puppy appears to have an uncontrollable bout of hiccups. It stopped while they were on the phone.
Another call to emergency at 3 in the morning because their dog ‘seems tired’.
The woman that made a batch of cupcakes for her dog every weekend, complete with intricate icing. They weren’t even doggy cupcakes, they were strawberry flavor.
The owner that insisted their chihuahua was having multiple ‘seizures’ a day that were only controlled by putting a drop of very special medicine in its drinking water. I stared at this dog in ICU all night with no seizure activity. In the morning she visited and claimed it was having one right in front of me. They were imaginary seizures.
The old woman who was very insistent I come to her church because I explained both dogs and humans have thyroid hormones because we share a common ancestor in evolution.
All the people who say “He’s just eaten rat poison but he looks fine right now. Should I bring him in?” (Pro tip - the answer is yes.)
And, of course, the surprisingly common young man who is perplexed “How can he have nipples, he’s a boy?”
A while back, I did a few readings for people using this method and it seemed to work out well. All I did was grab a single piece of dice and try to answer questions using these number meanings (vaguely based on Pythagorian numerology):
Most important keywords bolded. To give an example of how this method works, imagine someone asked me if they should make significant changes to their small business any time soon. If I rolled 4, I’d tell them to keep things the way they are for now. If I got 3, I’d tell them to shift their focus to a brand new project. If I got 5, I’d say that now is absolutely the time to start shaking things up and make those long-needed changes.
That’s pretty much it. I know there are more sophisticated dice divination methods out there, but this one seems to work when you just want a quick answer :)
oooh i just looked at the stats and in the past handful of episodes, percy and vex have soared past vax and keyleth as the couple with the most kisses, on the lips or otherwise - they actually doubled vax and kiki’s amount
oh hey so just a head’s up that apparently Tapastic has made a weird decision about Right of First Refusal on their ToS and while it’s all kind of, confusing as to what it all means I may be taking TPoH down from the site if it seems like a Bad Time? because I am really trying hard to get volume 2 to be a thing and frankly I don’t got time for confusing legal nonsense, that said I really don’t know what even is the deal with this yet so I don’t want to jump start any panic- if anyone has a better notion of ‘what the fuck’ please let me know!
(also just to clarify this isn’t me leading an example or wanting in any way to start drama over all this, but there are certain things currently in the works for my comic right now and I cannot afford to jeopardise opportunities that I’ve worked towards for literal years, so, it’s been fun and it was a nice site to post on as a rule but I’m calling it quits while the going is good)
Imagine sleepy mornings and the struggle to drag oneself out of bed. Senarad sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly dragging on his boots and stifling a yawn, Dorian sleepily leaning against his back and braiding his long hair for him. Afterwards, Sen applies Dorian’s kohl for him as they talk. Then they both help each other with the various belts, sashes, and other accessories their robes require (require in quotation marks in Dorian’s case of course lol), all just to prolong the contact with one another, finally holding each other close before they are forced to part ways for the day. Mornings used to be pretty miserable, something to dread, but there’s something to look forward to now, little intimate details that a shared routine creates, integrating each other completely into their lives.
Hi! I like and respect you a lot as a fellow aspiring lawyer and aspiring writer. I've been a fan of your stuff for almost a year now. One thing you wrote a while ago, in light of Carrie Fisher's passing, stuck with me, in a rough way: you wrote in the tags that grief is selfish. As someone who has lost many very important people in my life, and who also takes selfishness as the worst possible thing to be called, I really question the sentiment behind this. I'm not trying to start a fight -
- or to tell you off or mischaracterize you because you seem lovely and I really do admire your work, humour, wit and wisdom, but at face value, these words were hurtful to me in light of different experiences. I’ve been trying to parse them for a while and all they do is cut deeper. I know this comes off as melodramatic and I already apologize for bothering you, but I feel like I have to bring it up? I don’t know. I guess I’m just trying to understand?
Well, first of all, please do not apologize. It’s a fair question, and I’m happy to answer it. (It’s actually not that hard to tell when someone comes into your inbox with good faith versus someone itching for an argument.)
Secondly, I’m very sorry it struck you that way—the last thing I wanted was to make anyone question or doubt their own grieving. I wish the whole “you’re valid” thing hadn’t been run into the ground, because….well, grief is one of those things that is messy and intensely personal, and is valid, in all the weird ways we experience it.
Thirdly, this might be something you decide I’m wrong about. I’m going to talk a little about my thoughts below the cut, but please feel free to just…disregard them. At the end of the day, I am just a young woman with a blog, and you are you. Only you get to decide who offers true insight on the experiences you’ve had.
You know what? It’s been bugging me that Carmilla is a vampire again while Laura isn’t and now we’re back to square one. But I think the reason I feel that way is that I’m a lot like Laura—I’m ambitious, I like to make and follow plans, I want to know how everything is going to work out in the long run. Sometimes I get upset when I think about how certain things are in my life ended up different from how I imagined (including the ending of the movie haha). And I think that even if I’m not completely satisfied with the ending on a surface level, the deeper meaning to it was a really important message that I definitely needed to hear and apply to my own life. Sure, sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned, but you’re gonna find a way for them to work out anyway. Laura and Carmilla’s relationship has had challenges from the start and it always will, but they’re gonna make it work. Thats part of love. They’re still going to have their life together, a future, arguments over who does dishes, cupcakes to celebrate big days at work, and grandkids, but they’re also going to have to factor in Carmilla’s immortality and whatever challenges that brings. And besides, there’s always that fountain of youth that was mentioned in the credits…
PS. I’ve been hemming and hawing to myself for awhile but I’ve made a new blog @gutsnstuff where I’m probably gonna be posting my future art from now on so you can follow me there if you’d like!
I’m bad w words but the gist is I just wanted a fresh start as opposed to just changing urls & I didn’t really wanna delete the art on this blog. So while i’m leaving this up so people (& myself) can view my old works any time, I won’t really be uploading things here anymore!
Chapters: 1/10 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Darth Bane/Darth Zannah, Darth Zannah/Original Character(s) Characters: Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Rough Sex, Extremely Rough Sex, Sith are Terrible People, But they love it, Age Difference, Size Difference, Angst and Porn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dubcon, torture porn, Zannah Tries to Fuck Her Feelings Away, It goes about as well as you think, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Multiple Orgasms, Wet & Messy, Rough Oral Sex, Blood Kink, Bloodplay, Marking, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Light Sadism, This Looks Bad, But It’s All Enthusiastic and Consensual, BUT BEFORE ALL THIS, Self-Doubt, vague suicidal thoughts, Lack of Judgment, A REALLY GOOD Massage, Thanks Bane, Complicated Feels, Power Dynamics, Master and Apprentice Shenanigans, Bane is a Nerd, Bane Loves Power Summary:
Set immediately after “Rule of Two”.
Ambria leaves a scar that, no matter what she tries, Zannah cannot erase. Their future lies in Ciutric IV, but, plagued with self-doubt, Zannah can only struggle to maintain the facade that everything is alright…until the Force abandons her.
Or, alternatively, The One Where Sith Sex Solves Everyone’s Problems.
hi there. i was watching a video 'hating yourself and your art' and it was talking about why you draw and what you hope to accomplish. i've been in an art block for 2 years now and i've lost my way. i was wondering why do you draw? i hope this doesn't sound rude or anything! i love your work and was just curious. thank you
No prob, this is actually something I’ve thought about myself for a while now! :D
The reason I draw is to make myself happy primarily :O Of course I want others to enjoy my work, and I want them to feel happy too :D But, I think my primary goal is to just draw things that make me smile, you know? I won’t say anything like “As long as I’m drawing things I like I don’t care if I get popular” or something ^^; because honestly, I do want to be acknowledged for my work! But, it’s secondary to “draw what I want when I want” mentality more or less ^^
A lot of people have different reasons a lot of people draw to make an impact on the world! To change the world for the better or make people think People draw to express themselves People draw to validate themselves
And ultimately, whatever reason you draw, it’s perfectly fine and great!!! even if you feel you have lost your way, I am sure you can find the path again! Art is a journey and all that ^w^ Your values or goals may change as time goes on, and that’s perfectly fine! Art block is hard, it’s frustrating, it can feel like an insurmountable barrier at times! BUT Art will always be waiting for you, never be afraid to keep trying <3
“Delirious, It’s been an entire week. Why won’t you say anything? Even Luke is starting to worry about you.” Evan said with concerned expression written on his face. “I’m here to help you. Please tell me what is wrong and we will solve this problem together.”
Once again Evan got no response making him worry even more. For the next two weeks Evan tried to get the clown faced man to talk, but sadly nothing had worked. Everyone in the asylum was getting more and more concerned about the now mute man.
I had a lot of fun on Canada day! I’m sorry I’ve been gone for months, I needed a little time away from here! I’ve been been making some new friends and finding new love!! (Btw that guy I mentioned before, we’re finally going out!!!!!!! He’s so so nice I’ll cry ;_; ) it’s been busy but good first half of the year and I hope the rest of the year is even better!! I hope you guys have all been having a good year as well!! I missed everyone!!
Hey! I've been reading your work for a while now. Actually both yours and Julia's for a while. And I've only just finished catching up with Steal My Heart. And I had some like constructive criticism? Don't take me the wrong way. I love both of your writing and thought this might help for your next story, because I really would like to see you both collaboration again. Okay so the part where they are on the journey, the whole I love you, trust me thing, gets repeated a lot of times(1/?)
Like maybe twice is enough to get the point across to the reader and the insecure character. The dragon fight scene chapter was brilliant and the whole build up to their relationship was amazing as well. Things I found kind of lacking- For Dan being the villain turned hero, there wasn’t much delving into his villainous story except yeah bad things I did them. (2/?)
The other lacking thing was other gender/sexuality characters. So there was Cornelia, Phil’s mum and the witch. Why not make Brandon a mtf trans character or a badass lesbian or Chris a mad but fucking smart woman? For a story where everyone considers homosexuality normal (which should be every story ever!) I found a strong lack of female and other sexuality characters. (3/?)
But really feel free to ignore me. I’m just a small bunch of stupid molecules held together by biology. I only felt like expressing my opinion because I love this story and thought it could be much better and I have always loved both of your works. Please don’t take me the wrong way. Share this with Julia if you’d like or ignore me completely. I’m sorry if I crossed a line. I hope you both are doing well and never stop writing! Bye (4/4)
I’m going to be honest here. I understand where you’re coming from, and I can recognize that you in no way intended to upset me, and that, at the very least, you didn’t say these things with the intent to cause any kind of fight. You meant no harm, and therefore I answer this message purely because I feel I have something very important to say about some of the points you brought up, and I think that this is a good excuse for me to bring up my thoughts, even while knowing that you didn’t mean harm in sending me this message.
1. The reason the whole I love you, trust me thing gets repeated so many times is due to the fact that these two people are from very, very different walks of life that, in the end, should mark them as enemies. They’re relationship begins as enemies. They have no reason to trust one another, and the theme needed to be echoed time and time again to show the struggle that they are both going through in terms of trusting each other. At any one second, they are terrified that their partner is going to turn on them and turn out to just be using them for one thing or another.
2. Dan isn’t a villian turned hero. That’s the whole point. Dan isn’t a villian, he’s just someone who is viewed as a villian by people who would see his theiving as villianous. It’s the classic Robin Hood story, stealing from the rich to give to the poor, and being a hero all along. The story arc is that Phil discovers the truth behind his own fucked up World. At the same time, I can agree that in editing we did add a lot of Dan talking about horrible things he has done or has had to do but glossed over them, and we could have made that a bit better in the end.
4. The lack of sexuality in the characters is on purpose. The concept of sexuality doesn’t exist in the world we created. People don’t feel a need to use the terms that we created in our world, because the characters in this world have no concept on sexuality based hate. It doesn’t matter who they find most attractive, because no one cares, and that was the biggest thing I strove to weave into this world; the concept of normalizing sexuality and turning it into something that just… is a kind of utopia from hate based on sexuality. I know it’s not realistic, but that doesn’t matter. Not every story needs to be as realistic as possible.
3. This is the point that I find incredibly important. What upset me was this idea that every single story needs to include one of each kind of character. There should be only one gay man, one gay women, one bisexul person, one pansexual, one strong female, one strong male but not too strong cause men already have a million stories about them that include them being strong. What upset me was the idea that our story wasn’t enough because we chose to focus on YouTube characters known to be in Dan and Phil’s lives, and also Dan and Phil themselves. What upsets me is this idea that our story isn’t good enough because we should have made Brandon a female instead of a male just so we could have more female representation. What upsets me is that despite going to great lengths to do the one thing I wanted to do, which was to normalize the LGBT community, people feel that we didn’t go far enough because we chose to focus on two characters who never use a label, but who also happen to be male, and surround them with who JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE male characters. What upsets me is this idea of having to pander to everyone and create the perfect story by making every single one of my readers happy by including them in the story in one way or another. When does it end? Never. Any story I, my co-author, us together, any other write, creates, will NEVER be enough. There will always be something more we need to add, more kinds of characters, more representation, and it’s not possible. We wrote this story for fun. We don’t get paid for it. We have spent an entire YEAR working on this to make it as beautiful as possible, and to be attacked because our representation wasn’t enough… that makes me want to give up.
Imagine if we had made the Duke, a Duchess for the sake of having two people in Phil’s life of different genders trying to court him. People would hate us for making the female character into a villian, for making the gay aspect of the story better then the “straight” one. Imagine if we’d made Brandon a woman. She looks up to Dan more than anything, and people would be mad that we’d put her in a position of being “less than a man”.
Nothing we could have done was every going to please everyone. So please, stop attacking others because their story isn’t perfect enough.
I just wanted to say that I love Aelin and I get what you mean by her "vanity" being her defence mechanism because I have my own defence mechanism too. And it hurts so much when people hate on her because she's such an inspiration to me. She's brave enough to say what she means and for years now whenever I'm in doubt I always go like, "what would Aelin do if she were in this situation?" And it always works out in the end. Thanks to her I've braved myself to do so many incredible things now.
That’s wonderful! I totally understand you–people need to think about others before they rip a fictional character apart, because, there’s a very good chance someone out there heavily identifies with that character, and…it can feel like a personal atack. And I’ve been kind of wanting to talk about my love for Aelin for a while now, so forgive me, but I’m going to use your ask to do it.
When I first picked up Throne of Glass about four-ish years ago, I put it back down after chapter 5 or something like that because I hated Celaena. It’s worth it to note that four years ago, I was sixteen years old, and every single character trait I hated about Celaena was a trait that I hated in myself. I hated her arrogance. I hated her vanity. I hated her selfishness (and yes, CELAENA is all of these things). I hated that she was so afraid of failure that she only focused on the things she felt like she was almost guaranteed to succeed at.
This hit a very sore spot for me. I grew up with insecurities, of course, but I also grew up with incredibly loving parents who never failed to tell me I was beautiful, so I saw myself that way. They never failed to tell me how talented I was, how smart I was, so I saw myself that way. I, and always have, march to the beat of my own drum, and I have never had a problem with embracing my own personality. I have always been very grounded in myself, and even if it meant other people didn’t like me, I am very confident in who I am as a person.
As a sixteen year old who struggled to keep (girl) friends, who never felt like she quite fit in, who told herself that people hated her because she was (essentially) better than them, I read Celaena’s character and almost immediately identified all of her problems. And therefore identified my own problems. And it grated on me. Later that year, my parents sat me down and basically called me out. I was arrogant and cocky. I was incredibly vain. When someone tried to correct me or tell me I was wrong, I brushed THEM off for being ignorant and stupid instead of examining myself. And even later that summer, I went to a camp for art students (Idyllwild Arts) and THAT’S what knocked me down. Every single person there was better than me at singing, and that was something that had never happened to me before. I’d never met someone my age who was better than me. I was better than most high schoolers as a seventh grader, and going to this camp floored me.
I did the exact opposite of what I should have done. Instead of calmly evaluating myself and trying to work on my flaws, I plummeted. And I gave up. Incidentally, I was diagnosed with ADHD that year (NOT a good year for Susanna health-wise…mentally AND physically…). Eventually, I went through my own journey of healing and am now in a spot where I feel like I’m confident in who I am, but without being…too much. HOWEVER. I make jokes ALL THE TIME about how beautiful and smart and talented I am, because I’m comfortable enough with myself to poke fun at myself.
And then I re-read TOG last summer, and plowed through all the rest of the books, and was surprised by how similar I felt to Aelin, how her journey felt similar to mine. I noted that she wielded sarcasm as a weapon, which is something I do. I noted that she also wielded wit and humor as a weapon–another thing I do. I noted how deeply she felt and how hard she worked to hide it. Her temper. The way she snaps at people. And it made me realize why I hated her so much in the beginning, and why I love her so much now.
When I was little, almost all the way to high school, I wanted desperately to be a princess. I read all the fairy tales. I read everything that had princesses in them, but I never felt like I could be a princess because I wasn’t quiet and demure and perfect and obedient. And now here I am, nearly 21, and here’s this princess with a personality so strong that it pisses people off and makes them not like her, who is loud and abrasive and unashamed of who she is. Here’s this princess who isn’t afraid to get dirty and who also loves clothes and shoes and getting her nails done. Here’s this princess who does so many things wrong and has so many flaws, so many flaws that I see in myself and think ‘who the HELL wants to deal with that’–and she is still so loved.
And damn if that doesn’t make me want to be a princess.