the tears we hide

Tyler the Creator rap

Wolves are coming out like a fucking homo
After we tear out your throat I’ll feed you to Domo
Hiding in the bushes outside this bitch’s house
Through the window I can see her remove her blouse
I sneak in as quiet as a fucking mouse
I choke her, drown her in the tub, film it all then I’m done
Yeah I’m crazy I’m satan’s son
(Fuck 2 Dope Boyz!)


If Saturn represents our struggle with the external world and with our own difficulties living in it, Pluto represents our struggle with ourselves. Saturn and Pluto must be best friends, because they sure do know how to make life a living hell. More accurately, they make life a living hell when you resist their influence. And as Carl Jung said, “What we resists persists.” This is Pluto’s tagline. Pluto, the sign it rules over (Scorpio), and the house it rules over (The Eighth House) all represent the human shadow. The dark side of life. The things we don’t easily own up to. The sides of ourselves we’re more comfortable projecting onto others. It’s much easier to view ourselves as perfect beings of light, and to point the finger at all the people out there in the world that are evil and bad, than to recognize that we’re all human. Jessica Lange’s character Sister Jude in American Horror Story might have been right when she said “All monsters are human.” There are true horrors in this world and sometimes we get lost in news stories of this murder and that war. We’re all quick to condemn and judge our fellow humans committing atrocities. But do we ever stop to think, what made them that way? What happened to them? What is their place in the great cosmic story? Could causing others pain possibly be their life purpose, or has a tragic childhood forced them to wander off their divine path?

These are questions that I have grappled with recently. They’ve made their way into this piece but I don’t necessarily have the answer. I do know that the greatest force in this world is love, the greatest connection empathy. Libra is the sign of relationships, and afterwards, Scorpio comes strolling along. Scorpio and the Eighth House are the things we share in a relationship. Shared finances are relegated to this pair, along with the distress they may cause. As everyone knows, sex is Scorpio’s thing. Taurus, Scorpio’s sister sign, can lay claim to it, too, but Taurean sex is candles, whip cream, and foreplay. Scorpio is bondage, whipping, and power-play. The darker side of emotional intimacy, the power struggle. Scorpios are known to be fiercely loyal and possessive. The Eighth House is where bodies and souls melt together, where transcendence is found through unity with another soul. Scorpio is known to be a psychic sign, in tune with the undercurrents in the room. Especially the darker ones. The collective shadow. They’re known to love the taboo, the occult, the mysterious.

Astrology, by relegating the darker side of life to this sign, shows that it has its place in our lives and the universe. And don’t think you can escape it by not having your Sun, Moon or Rising in Scorpio. It will rear its head in whatever house it’s in, wherever Pluto is in your chart, and in your Eighth House. It must be faced, or it will be repressed. Freud, who was Scorpio Rising, spent his career investigating the id, our instinctual side, and how repression of it leads to neurosis. The id is composed of our sexual urges, our aggression, and our death drive (thanatos). All very Scorpio. And all very human. I think this has been an especially hard thing for females to integrate into their lives in the past, as they run counter to what society thinks a woman should be. Lilith, an asteroid in astrology, may in some ways be the female expression of the Pluto principle. I wrote a little about it in an answer to a question, here. The struggle with Plutonian energy, though, applies to all genders and all peoples.

So how does Pluto operate in our lives? It’s the farthest planet, so its cycle through the zodiac is the longest. It spends about 21 years in each sign, so it is the most generational. To see how this force manifests in your personal life, look to its house placement. Wherever Pluto is, you will be prone to some extreme transformations. When it comes to the darkness, it’s always trying to be noticed. I read somewhere that Buddhists, rather than exorcising demons, would invite them to a grand feast. After being fed and paid attention to, the demons would transform. You see, we cannot fight our demons (or drown them - “they know how to swim,” as Bring Me The Horizon sings in “Can You Feel My Heart”). We all have inner demons, darkness we hide from others, that tears us apart when we are at our weakest. It’s a sad fact that most people don’t talk about this, putting on a show of happiness. You aren’t alone in this struggle, it is life on Earth.

We overcome our demons by looking at them, taking them for what they are. Bringing the darkness to light. Although Carl Jung parted ways with Sigmund Freud because the latter was too sex-obsessed, Jung never repressed the shadow in his studies. He’s made so many important statements on the human shadow that I must include more than a few:

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

“Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.”

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”

“If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”

“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”

“There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.”

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“God is the name which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse.”

This is Pluto. This is the unconscious force inside all of us that changes our lives in drastic ways. Whether you’re orchestrating your own transformations by confronting your shadow, or if the only thing that can get you to change is some catastrophe hitting you from the outside, Pluto will destroy what you thought you knew and replace it with something much greater. It will be painful - Pluto is the planet of death, and we will have to die to ourselves many times over to get closer to our truth. Pluto is also the planet of rebirth, because every end is a beginning. Pluto is a big fuck you to the ego we’ve carefully crafted, and it can be hard to let go of an identity you’ve held for so long. But the unconscious has bigger dreams for our time on Earth. We are not whole until we integrate our shadow side. This is the true essence of power - being in contact with your whole being. No longer being unconsciously directed by your shadow side. I think we’re so quick to look down on the criminals and the neurotics of this world because we’d like to think we’re nothing like them. But the one that makes peace with his demons knows the truth, that one soul contains the collective experiences of all souls. The only thing separating us is the material illusion we’re all under - this is the true source of “evil” - thinking that we’re not all One. Peace on Earth will come when we feel in our hearts this Oneness - and inner peace comes when you become One with your shadow.

Pluto is an earthquake. Pluto is a force of nature. A disaster, a murder, a suicide. It is everything we’re afraid of. But that which we fear cannot have power over us once we accept it. Understand it. Integrate it into our lives. Just as we all must face the inevitability of our own deaths, we must face the fact that we’re better off leaving our old masks at the door, as we enter into a new chapter in our lives. Embrace change, and embrace the darkness.

Luckily, this month there has been talk of Pluto being invited back into the solar system after its exile. This spells of great change in our collective psyche :) It will be interesting to see if, as a society, we begin dealing with our collective shadow.

The End of Time

Daryl Dixon Imagine

You enjoy being in Daryl’s arms when he suddenly decides to open up to you.

Word count: 1248

approximated reading time: 6 minutes

I was woken by the soft sunlight shining through our white curtains. A rare view these days as fall had been dark and rainy most of the time. A quick glance at the small clock next to the bed told me that it was still too early to get up. Turning around I snuggled up to Daryl who wrapped his arms tightly around me, dozely breathing a kiss on my hair.
“Ya early.” His voice was drowsy and with a deep yawn he pulled me closer to his bare chest. His warmth made me shiver with comfort.
“I didn’t mean to wake you”, I whispered back closing my eyes as I listened to his heartbeat. It was slow and regular, calming.
“mmhmm”, he muttered and only seconds later his breathing became calm again as he drifted off into his dreams. I sometimes wondered how often I was part of them. It was in moments like this that I remembered how lucky I was to be alive. How lucky we all were to be part of this new world. A world noone had ever believed in - a world that so many people tried to destroy. We had fought them and we had won. With a smile spread across my face I drifted off into a light sleep again.

I didn’t know how much time had passed when I opened my eyes again. I watched the dust dancing in the sun for a while, not sure if I was ready to face the world just yet. Listening to Daryl’s consistent breathing, watching his sleeping face I decided that I was nowhere near ready to leave the warmth and comfort of our bed. If only we could stay like this forever.
“Good mornin’.” Daryl’s husky voice cut through the silence, his eyes were still closed.

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If She Favors You (An Emison Fanfiction)

find part 2 here

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, but this was fun! I hope it can help tide everyone over until Tuesday. You can also find it here. Comments are welcome!

Thunder rolled angrily outside, and wind shook the windows of Alison’s house. Emily was picking up the nursery, shreds of stuffed animal and broken wood, when she heard Alison huffing in frustration from the other room.

“Everything okay?” She knocked lightly and peered in.

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Photographs fly down where we used to lie down

Removed by the same hands that used to hold my hands

We pack them away in cardboard capsules behind closed doors

Memories stay and decay in the grace of queens and kings to the land where dreams are made

Now in hidden darkness, an empty row of nails lines the wall

My eyes sting with pain and his white teeth; stained with a cocktail of tears

We wish to hide beside them, two stowaways capsized in the present, below our melted hearts

Blood drains from our veins one last time on everything we used to know

Our eyes shut before midnight, no words break the silence.

Wishing for an extra hour

Hoping for a better day

Like the ones depicted behind the wooden frames
—  “Frames” by Connor Franta

we finished the snk season finale with my mom and we spent the last minutes crying over it lmao

when we started watching snk together (i had already seen the anime several times) she told me she disliked it because of all the violence/blood/scaryness but look at her now,, bawling her eyes out bc the same show made her emo

Desiderium (Jin, Angst)


Member: Kim SeokJin

Genre: Angst

Summary: Her death broke him in every way possible. She didn’t only broke his heart, but also wreaked his mind, tearing his sanity apart. Her death didn’t affect only Jin. She broke six hearts along with his, six hearts that saw how his older brother started to walk a path of self-destruction.

Length: 3.609 words

Music Recommendations: @cookies4kookie​ made an amazing playlist for this scenario! Make sure to check it out!


Originally posted by jeonggu

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”
― Lev Tolstoy

They were all with him that morning, supporting him like the family they had grown up to be after years of coexistence.

Namjoon and Yoongi’s hands were there to help him stand up when his legs failed him, but at some point he just leaned on them, unable to keep his balance by himself.

They were all there for him when her coffin was being lowered down to its final resting place. Their faces were congested with tears, their eyes averted from Jin’s face, distorted with his unbearable pain. They couldn’t withstand to watch him suffer like that.

It broke their hearts.

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Request: Hello love! Can I request a Jojen Reed where he sees you in his dreams, he tries to look for her but then he realizes that she was sick. You can decide how it will end.


The first time he saw you in his visions, you were wearing a simple white dress. To him, you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in these visions. You turned your head and smiled at him, asking him to join you to bask under the sun light. “My name is Y/N” you beamed at him, “I’m Jojen.”

He would tell Meera about these visions after she wondered why he didn’t have panic attacks as much during his visions. His sister constantly teased him, “Can’t you see, brother? It doesn’t happen whenever you see her!” she gleefully exclaimed.

Jojen dismissed her comments, but Meera didn’t miss how his cheeks would turn pink. He was always excited to see you again, unconsciously hoping for another vision to happen.

“I’m conflicted….” Is what he said one day, “Why?” you looked at him with worried eyes, “I have to leave my home to find Bran Stark. I have to get him to the three-eyed raven.” You nodded, you’ve seen the three-eyed raven a few times.

“So why are you conflicted?” Jojen frowned, “I promised to myself, that if ever I would go on a journey, the first person I would go see… was you. I want to see you.”

You were silent, Jojen watched as you tear up. His quick reaction had you immediately in his arms, your body shook as he asked you “What’s wrong? I’m here”. “No, you’re not. You’re not here!”

He knew what you meant. He wasn’t physically by your side. “Where are you? Let me find you.” “You can’t. You shouldn’t come see me.” “Why?”

“Because I wont be able to let you go…” you whispered, you look up at him, your tears falling. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.” Jojen thought what was right and kissed you. it was short, but sweet and it left you speechless.

“I think I love you too” he mumbled as he caressed your cheek, wiping your tears away. “You can’t see me.” You sternly told him again. “Please, why? I need to be with you. I can’t live another day without you by my side.”

“Yes, you can. For both Bran’s sake and mine…. I’m sick Jojen.” You were a sickly girl, always bedridden, never to see the outside except through a window. Until the day she met the three-eyed raven. It knew about her sickness and her future.

Her future to convince Jojen Reed to find Brandon Stark. But of course, you didn’t know about that part.

“I can’t move or even stand. I can’t give you what you want. You wouldn’t be happy with someone like me.” He hugged you tighter, “Yes. Yes I would Y/N. I love you. Please, let me see you. Let me hug you, kissed you like this.”

“Bringing Bran to the three-eyed raven is your destiny. Not being stuck with a sickly girl. For the sake of our world, bring Bran to him, then we can meet.”

But you knew. You’ve seen it in your visions. During his absence, You would die. And he knew, he knew that he would die by the flames. But none of you said anything to the other.

Struggling to not shed a single tear, he pulled you closer to hide his face. “After this, we will meet.” You nodded in agreement. A final kiss before he left.

The following months, you both had less and less communication. He was busy traveling, while you were struggling with your sickness.

One day, you felt it. A pang in your chest and the sudden inflammation of your stomach. As if you were being stabbed multiple times. You screamed in pain, alerting everyone in your household.

Then you fainted, another vision came to you. You were in your white dress, walking through the woods. That’s when you saw him. His back turned to you. “Jojen” You gleefully called out.

He turns to you. God, you were still as beautiful as when he last saw you. Jojen picked you up by the waist and twirled you around. “I told you we’d meet again.” He knew, you both knew. You both died at the same time, finally meeting one another, in paradise.

Elijah Mikaelson & Hope Mikaelson - My Babysitter's a Vampire

Prompt: Hi! nothing too specific but can you do an elijahxreader where the reader is human and just really fluffy please, thanks lovely x

You groaned, rolling over upon hearing Hope crying. You lifted your head up, rubbing your head with your hands. Hope’s crying was quiet but you were a light sleeper and you could hardly let the child that you were supposed to be babysitting cry whilst you slept. You looked to the other side of the bed, watching Elijah sleeping figure, his hand resting lazily on the small of your back. Running a hand through your hair, you slid out of bed, watching Elijah make a distressed face in his sleep before he rolled over. You smiled at him before walking over to the nursery quietly. Hope was sat in her crib, her red and splotchy cheeks visible even in the darkness. She yelped as you picked her up, her bright eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

Elijah was your boyfriend and you were human, usually referred to as breakfast by his younger brother, Nik, affectionately though, of course. His family loved you, even Hayley who had actually trusted you to babysit Hope whilst she was with Jackson and when, rarely, Klaus was busy. Hope loved her uncle Elijah and even if you did say so yourself, she loved you too. As you picked her up, cradling her back as you held her on your shoulder, patting her back softly.
“It’s okay, sweetie, it’s okay.” You cooed, bobbing her up and down. Her cries continued so you lifted her forward, holding her against your chest and pressing your lips to her forehead. You walked slowly towards the window, the one that never had the blinds drawn, and looked out into the city, smiling slightly as you rocked her and her tears subsided.
“There we are darling, you’re okay.” You whispered, unable to hide a smile as she fisted the neckline of your shirt in her tiny hand.

You began to put her back down, an upset hiccup escaping her lips. You laughed silently, pulling her back to you and revelling in the fact that she was practically a mini water bottle. You knew Nik wouldn’t be so grateful of you calling his daughter that.
“You’re a cuddler, are you?” You asked her, shifting her in your grasp so her chubby cheek rested against your shoulder, her hand still gripping your shirt. “I always thought that Nik would like to cuddle. Maybe that’s where you get it from.”
You smiled at her face, looking so angelic as she began to fall asleep. You took another lookout of the window, watching the relatively quiet streets of New Orleans.
“Alright, little one,” You started, stepping slowly back to the crib. “Let me put you down so I can get back to your incredibly hot uncle.”

You leant down, letting her feet softly hit the mattress before allowing her head to rest against the soft material. Sure enough, her hand released its grip on your shirt and dropped beside her. You pursed your lips, suppressing a grip at how cute she was. Silently, two arms reached around your waist, pulling you into a warm torso that you’d know anywhere. Elijah lips rested under your ear as you ran a hand over his forearm.
“You didn’t have to get her, I could’ve seen to her.” He whispered, looking down at the baby in the cot below you.
“I’m babysitting her too and I had no issue with letting you sleep a little longer.” You replied, resting your head against his chest.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, his fingers drawing slow patterns on your side as he hugged you close to him.
“Wouldn’t you want your own?” He asked, his hand stopping all motion, telling you how serious he was. “With a human?”
You frowned a little, hyper aware of his eyes studying your reaction.
“She’s beautiful.” You said slowly, watching Hope roll over in her sleep. “But I would only want children if they were with you, Elijah.” You added earnestly, turning around in his arms. He lifted his head off of your shoulder, looking down at you with the dark, puppy dog eyes that you had fallen for. “You’re the one for me, Elijah. I don’t want anything else with anybody else.”

When the black clouds are coming
When the sky gets heavy with melancholy
she’s the one who runs outside
and try to hug the sky
while it cries

She doesn’t mind
getting wet
She owes the sky so much

The stars are reminding her
of her dreams and love
The moon lightens her dreams up
and the sun, the sun
chases away the demons of the night
and dries her tears

So, she runs outside
and hugs the crying sky
while all the others run inside
and hide, hide, hide
from the moods of nature
like they hide from the moods
of all human beings

She knows she isn’t made of sugar
She knows the sky’s tears won’t kill her

We’re all made of tears
Some people hide and deny
Some people aren’t shy
Some people are brave and show tears & fears

anonymous asked:

The way you write Jakob makes me go crazy omg. It's almost 3 am but I just needed to put this in. Insufferable Jakob fretting over newly pregnant Corrin? Lots of happy tears and angst would be so adorable!! Thank you for all your hard work!!

[Thanks for giving me wonderful ideas and sweet words!!!]

You’d never seen Jakob so on edge in your entire life. That morning, he’d awoken to the sound of you retching in the privy. He cleaned you up and confined you to bed the rest of the day right after, muttering obscenities to himself about how he was a terrible husband.  Of course you tried to stop him, but it didn’t work out too well.

In the end he summoned Elise to look over you and ensure you hadn’t contracted some fatal illness, or something. Any attempt to soothe your husband was wasted on his nervous flirting around. You eventually gave up trying and just let Elise work.

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anonymous asked:

"don't you dare walk out on me" with michael?

angst starters were the worst idea i’ve ever had im so dead

Words are like knifes. They cut through a person with the lightest touch, leaving a nasty wound in its wake. Words hurt enough to send a person to the emergency room. It’s worse when the person spitting those dangerous things at you was a lover—a person who you shared a bed with. A person who knew all your secrets, all your weak spots, and all of the places that made you cave from the inside out. Michael knew all those places well for you; and you knew all those places for him, too. You both knew how to tear each other down with the smallest of words.

Michael didn’t mean half of the ones that tumbled out of his mouth. He was just pissed off. He kept messing everything up, and he wanted to desperately go to sleep but you had other plans. “Why didn’t you come home sooner? Ashton said the session ended three hours ago, Michael, where the fuck were you?” 

You meant all of the words that spewed from your mouth. You were pissed off and tired of every lie that he had ever said to you. There wasn’t a bone in your body that didn’t love the man in front of you, he was a rock that you needed in your life, but was it really that selfish of you to want the truth? 

“Dammit, Michael,” you seethe, following Michael into your bedroom that was just as much as a disaster zone as your heart was currently.  “Just tell me if you were with her, it’s not that fucking hard.” 

“It is when you’re accusing me of something I would never do!” 

“If you would never do it then it should be twice as easy to tell me you weren’t! Do you realize how badly you’re helping your case right now? You smell like her, Michael, and you were three hours late, and you lied to me about where you were. I’m sorry that I think you were with her.” 

Your sarcasm laced words made Michael’s heart clench. He just wanted the fighting to end; why did you have to think he was cheating? 

“Jesus,” you mutter when all you end up with is a blank, heartbroken stare. “Look I’m done with your bullshit, if you can’t just give me the answer then—then I’m leaving.” You didn’t want it to come to this. You didn’t want to leave him. You didn’t want a love that was built on trust to end in a burning pile of hatred, but you don’t always get what you want. 

“Don’t you dare walk out on me,” Michael says as he walks towards you. He grabs your hand lightly and stares straight at the tears you were trying to hide. “We don’t walk out on each other, you fucking know that, we promised each other we wouldn’t be the couple that throws it all away.” 

“Promises get broken all the goddamn time, Michael,” your voice is low but venomous. “Out of every person on this earth, you should be the one who knows that like it’s the back of your hand.” 

Michael can’t help the tears that burn his face. Words are like knifes—they can’t hurt you unless there’s someone holding them. 

He grabs your face and his nose hits yours, your tears are mixing into each other as if they were trying to represent the two of you. “Baby girl, I may break my promises and I may break your heart every day, but I would never cheat on you,” as your lips touch one another he adds in a strangled whisper, “and that’s one promise that I will never break.” 

anonymous asked:

Since you like asking Nichorello questions... I'll ask more! Next question: What did you think of the shower scene in 5x07 where Nicky's "having a soak" with all her clothes on and it kind of looked like she was crying... and Alex shows up and she's basically denying that she's upset about Lorna aka "girl problems" and instead says she has serious feelings for inmate civil freedom or something like that. Was Nicky crying? What did you think of that scene in general and seeing rough Nicky crying?

Thank you! 

That scene really reminded me of when Red finds Nicky in the showers but of course different in its own way. I definitely think Nicky was crying. It’s one of those ‘cry in the shower and hide your tears’ kind of thing. We’ve seen different examples of it before, where the showers are somehow places for deep emotional release. It’s only amplified by how we don’t really see Nicky get that way too often. I think her realizing that anything she could have with Lorna has to stop, is a big hit for her and something she was probably trying to ignore since she got back from max. She realized she’s IN LOVE with the woman and now knows she can’t have her. Lorna’s pregnant and married and seemingly in love with her husband - Nicky loses out again and while she’s very used to disappointment, I think this blow is the one that really crushes her. But we know Nicky will try and hide her pain as best she can, keep it to herself, and that’s a little bit of her downfall. That she really can’t share that kind of love lost pain with anyone else. She’s only got herself for that. 

Jung Hoseok ~ Just Friends [SMUT/ANGST]

Group: BTS
Member: Jung Hoseok
Type: Smut/Angst [Contains dirty talk]
Word Count: 3023

The need that vibrates through his body seems to still for a moment. Then he lowers again. His lips brush over yours gently. ‘I can’t breathe without you, Y/N. I’m addicted to you and only you. From the minute I saw you I went crazy. This is all I ever wanted. You are all I ever dreamed of.’ You turn your head away, your heart beating rapidly inside your heaving chest. ‘I’m just afraid I’m going to get lost in you.’ You say, hope filling your eyes. 
‘I’m already lost in you.’ Hoseok confines, lowering his mouth to your neck.

You pull your luggage up the steps behind you, sweating heavily from only a few steps. Two more and you’re reunited with your best friend. ‘Let me help you.’ Hoseok, your best Friend’s older brother once again suggests from behind her. You gently deny his offer and pull it up one last step before you’re only inches away from your childhood friend. You both start squealing loudly when you fall into each other’s arms, not noticing that your luggage is falling back down the stairs.
Hoseok tries to jump past you in time to catch it, nearly pushing you off the staircase along your suitcase. He grabs your arm and pulls you closer to his body before you end up like your suitcase. Open with all your belongings spread out for everyone to see. Your eyes are squeezed shut, still holding onto Hoseok’s shoulders. You slowly open them and look up through your bangs. He’s smiling down at you and tugs your bangs behind your ear for you to see better. Goosebumps cover your body by his touch and you feel the heat rushing into your cheeks. You quickly pull away from him, breaking eye contact quicker than a sack of rice falling in china. ‘Thank you.’ You mumble, your friend giggling at you. You try to shake off the thought of him and smile up at her, ignoring Hoseok besides you. ‘I’ll just collect my stuff and meet you inside.’ You explain before hopping down the stairs and starting to pick up your clothes and folding them neatly. You give your friend a thumbs up and smile at her before she goes back inside the house, shaking her head in disbelief. 

You let out a groan, frustratingly throwing your toiletries back inside. You never in a million years would’ve thought your reunion would be this clumsy. All your childhood years your crush on your neighbor never seemed to fade and even after you moved, all you were able to think about was him, Jung Hoseok. It nearly knocked your breath out when she informed you that he was back home for the time being. He definitely doesn’t look like what he used to anymore. But definitely fitter. His body is more defined, his muscles tighter and his hair longer. But one thing hasn’t changed. One thing is still able to make you smile just by seeing it. His smile. His large, gummy smile. The smile you even fell for as a kid. You let out another frustrated sigh, regretting that you never took your chance with him. Suddenly you feel a hand tugging on the clothing you’re holding in your hand and snaps you out of your daydream. ‘Y/F/N, I said I can do it.‘ You immediately forget how to speak when you notice who’s sitting in front of you, his fingers only inches away from touching yours. Hoseok is smiling at you, his hands still tugging on the thin material in your hands. Your eyes slowly wander down to your hand, already expecting the worst. Your pupils widen when you see the baby pink laced underwear in Hoseok’s hand. You quickly pull it out of his grip and throw it behind you on the grass. Your cheeks turn red with embarrassment. ‘Aren’t you inside?’ You ask, trying to change the subject. Hoseok shakes his head, picking up more of your clothes. You quickly pick up all your underwear and place it inside the suitcase before he’s able to see. ‘I thought it might be rude to let you pick it up by yourself and just sit inside.’ He admits, his honest words making your heart flutter. A smile tugs on the edge of your lips. ‘It’s okay. I wouldn’t have expected anything else from you anyways.’ You say dryly before shutting your suitcase. He stands up in silence, not reacting to your words. You lift up your suitcase before starting to walk past him. ‘Y/N.’ He screams, making you stop mid-walk. 

‘It’s been a while, huh?’ He asks, grabbing your full attention. You gulp and turn to him, nodding. He hands you the rest of your belongings before placing his hand on your shoulder. ‘A bit too long.’ He whispers and winks at you. You laugh it off and quickly try to avoid a deeper conversation with him.
You start your walk, lifting your heavy suitcase up the staircase again, sweat forming on your forehead again. ‘Ah, that’s right.’ He says, giggling behind you. Your heart skips a beat when you remember the laced underwear you’ve thrown on the grass in pure panic. You quickly turn around to a smirking Hoseok waving your underwear around. ‘Nice underwear.’
You bit down on your lower lip, trying to stop yourself from screaming out in frustration and quickly run up the stairs.

You’re lying on the bed with your best friend sprawled out on top of you, reminiscing about the olden days when Hoseok bursts into the room without knocking. You jump lightly when the door hits the wall. ‘Y/F/N, you need to drive me to my friend’s house.’ He says, leaning against the doorframe. Your eyes involuntarily trail down his body, mustering his outfit. The outline of his dick clearly visible in his tight skinny jeans, his abs showing underneath the white shirt. You gulp, the sight arousing you more than it should. Hoseok seems to notice as he zips up his leather jacket, glaring at you darkly.
‘Can’t you drive?’ Your friend asks annoyed, throwing a pillow at him. He ditches it well and shakes his head at her, releasing the pink lollipop from his mouth. ‘There will be alcohol involved.’
Your friend looks up at you, rolling her eyes. You smile down at her. ‘Where are you going?’ You ask as your friend puts on her boots. ‘To see a friend from high school.’ He answers, sucking on the lollipop. Your face drops at his answer. You have no right to be jealous since he’s never shown interest in you, but something inside of you twitches by the thought of him seeing a women in this outfit. He giggles at your disappointed face and lifts your chin up with his thumb. ‘Don’t be jealous.’ He says and clicks his tongue before exiting the room.
‘I’ll run some errands after I dropped him off. I’ll be back in an hour.’ Your friend says before following Hoseok down the stairs. You nod, lying down on the bed fully. ‘Bring some popcorn!’ You scream after them before you hear the door slam shut.

You move around, desperately trying to get him out of your mind but there’s no way. The image of him in his revealing outfit pierced into your mind. Your panties drip in arousal at the thought of him being straddled down by another women. Your hand moves down and under your trousers, your fingers tracing your wetness. You close your eyes and imagine the women being you. You move your hand faster, trailing your folds through your panties. You moan at the thought of you replacing the women, of finally getting what you wanted for so long. You slip off your trousers along with your panties and let them fall to the floor. You rub circles on your clit with your thumb, moans of pleasure escaping from your lips. Your other hand trails up and rides up your shirt, your fingernails ghosting over your skin. You dip a finger inside of your entrance. Your back arches as you start to move your finger inside of you rhythmically, your other massaging your clothed breast. 

‘Need any help?’ Your eyes shoot open at the familiar voice coming from the door frame. You feel your heart beating rapidly inside your chest, your gaze locked on the white wall in front of you. Footsteps inch closer to you, walking past your silhouette sprawled out on the bed so perfectly. Your eyes wander up to meet Hoseok’s. His gaze filled with lust and passion. You gulp, restraining a moan from escaping your lips at the sight. What are you doing? You ask yourself as you start to panic. Hoseok steadies himself on the bed, his hand trailing closer to your entrance. You grab his wrist out of reflex, stopping him only inches away from touching you where you need him the most.
‘Hoseok we can’t.‘ You say, your voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper. Your eyes lock with his as a smile appears on his lip. The smile that can easily make your heart melt. He crawls on top of you, resting his hands on both sides of your head as he stares down at you, into your soul.
The need that vibrates through his body seems to still for a moment. Then he lowers again. His lips brush over yours gently.
‘I can’t breathe without you, Y/N. I’m addicted to you and only you. From the minute I saw you I went crazy. This is all I ever wanted. You are all I ever dreamed of.’ You turn your head away, your heart beating rapidly inside your heaving chest. ‘I’m just afraid I’m going to get lost in you.’ You say, hope filling your eyes. 

‘I’m already lost in you.’ Hoseok confines, lowering his mouth to yours. You feel your grip around his waist losing as you start to lose yourself into the kiss. His mouth fits to perfectly on yours, devouring your lips whole as he kisses you with so much passion and love, that you nearly forget how wrong this is. You gently pull away from him, hiding the tears that are escaping from your eyes. ‘We can’t.’ You whisper under your breath, your eyes squeezed shut as one tear makes it way down your rose cheeks. ‘Tell me why, kitten. Tell me why we shouldn’t.’ Your chest sets on fire with the pet name rolling of his tongue, making your insides twist with need for his touch. ‘All these years…’ You cry out, turning your face to look at him. ‘You’ve done nothing to let me know that you care…’
His eyes meet yours. His expression filled with worry, regret. ‘I’ve only done it to protect you.’ He whispers back, his eyes glistening with tears. He bites down on his lip and tries to regain his breath.
‘You can’t be with me. I’m not someone who can love you like you deserve.’
You tilt your head to focus on him properly. Your entire body shivers under him as the words comes out of his mouth so swiftly. ‘Please Hoseok….’ You beg under your breath. His lips turn into a sexy smirk as he tugs a strand of hair behind your ear. ‘Once I kiss you…there is no going back.’ He says threating. He takes your silence as a permission before locking his plump lips with yours. His kiss is much harsher than before, his teeth tug on your bottom lip teasingly, his tongue swirls around yours as he explores your entrance. His cold hand meets your skin, trailing up your exposed thigh until he lets it rest on your folds. You buckle your hips, desperate for any sort of friction. He gently slaps down on your entrance, signaling for you to stop. ‘We need to work on keeping you still, kitten.’ He whispers against your skin as he kisses down your neck. You gasp when his teeth graze along your collarbone, sucking a mark into the flesh. 

He takes his hand from your pulsing entrance and tugs on your shirt. You lift up your back to help him slide it off your body. He pushes himself off your body to take a better look at his prey. He smirks at your body, his lustful gaze making you feel slightly uncomfortable. His hand trails down your stomach, feeling every unexplored part of your skin. ‘You’re breathtaking.’ He says silently. Hoseok looks up and smiles at you, his orange hair sticking to his forehead.
He lowers his finger to your entrance and watches it disappear inside of you. You tilt your head back at the sensation, moaning under his touch. He adds another finger and dips it inside of your entrance, pushing them into you with no mercy. His thumb circles lazy patterns over your clit as his fingers work on scissoring you open. You squirm under his touch, earning a satisfied groan from him.
He leans down and places a kiss in between your folds. His tongue licking up, collecting your juices. Hoseok brings his lips to yours, forcing you to taste yourself. The salty taste of your pussy floats your mouth as his tongue swirls around yours, his fingers still pushing into you. You feel your core tightening as your orgasm inches closer with each rhythmically thrust of his fingers inside of you. Before your orgasm is able to take over, Hoseok pulls his fingers out of you and wipes your juices on the white bedsheets. ‘Don’t ever touch yourself unless I’m there with you.’ He orders and takes your lips in between his fingers, squeezing them.
You feel his restrained shaft slowly grind against your core, moans of pleasure escaping his lips. He grinds down into you faster, the feeling of his jeans giving you the friction you need. You moan in response to his, gripping his shoulders. Again, he stops. He smirks down at you and pulls off his shirt.
‘God…’ You breathe, eyeing him from head to toe. Hoseok is tight and very well build, nothing like you remembered. His skin is shiny with sweat.
‘I’m glad you enjoy the view, kitten,’ he says, his voice laced with a delicious rap. ‘Because this is the only body you’ll be seeing from now one.’
He takes off his pants, his pulsing shaft springing against his v-line. You breathe out heavily at the sight, your mind going dizzy with the need to feel him inside of you. He pumps himself a few times, coating his dick in pre-cum before getting onto the bed next to you.

‘Stay still.’ He whispers against your lips, feathering across their edges. You allow him to turn you fully onto your back, facing him. ‘Keep your eyes closed.’ More heavenly kisses feather over your jaw, teasing your lips, then finally centered there. You open instantly, sigh in satisfaction at the feel of his tongue sliding inside to tease and caress hers.

Your hand grabs his dick. You let your thumb run over his tip, collecting his pre-cum. He shivers under your touch, making you smile. You move your hand down further, rubbing him fully. Hoseok breathes heavily against your lips. ‘You’re mesmerizing.’
You gently place a kiss on his forehead and start to pump him harder, your other hand coming down to knead his balls. He groans into your skin, biting down on your shoulder. Before you’re able to give back, he slaps your hands away and places them above your head.
‘Not yet, kitten,’ he says, placing a kiss between your breasts. ‘Not until I marked what’s mine.’
He places himself in front of your core, teasingly rubbing his shaft along your folds to coat it in your juices. Hoseok pumps himself a few times before pushing into you slowly. He groans at the feeling of your tight walls around his thick shaft, trying to restrain himself from making up for all these years of making you wait. After a few seconds of letting you adjust, he starts to push into you sloppily. He stops when he’s fully settled inside of you, grabbing your hips to push even deeper. You moan out loudly, your arms wrapping around his neck.
‘Moan for me kitten. Let me hear those pretty moans.’ He demands huskily through gritted teeth. He pulls out of you again just to push back into you a lot harsher, making you arch your back in pain.
It is hard and rough and absolutely inescapable. In response, you sink your fingernails into his shoulders. He just laughs. The sound, combined with another hard stroke, sends fire pulsing out from your core, curling your toes, tightening tendons and muscles until you cry out with need.

He’s pounding into you now, using your defenseless position pushed into the mattress. He fucks you senseless until you see stars from your orgasm being denied before. You breathe heavily underneath him, squirming around his dick. He massages your breasts as he thrusts harder into you, feeling your orgasm nearing.
‘Hoseok.’ You gasp and grip his biceps. Your entire body shakes as your sex clenches around him, drawing him deeper into you. He rides out your orgasm, desperate to reach his own. He digs his nails into your thighs and ankles up to hit the right spot. With a few more thrusts into your coated pussy, he releases into you, mixing your seeds together.

With ragged breath he gently rolls your bodies until you lay sprawled on top of him. Your heart is beating fast. Yoongi places his hand on your hip and releases a sigh. 
‘Hoseok…’ You say under your breath and turn to him. He looks at you with glistening eyes, his face expressionless. ‘Is that everything?’ You ask worryingly, the fear of losing him shoots through your body.
Hoseok locks eyes with you as he caresses your cheek with his thumb, smiling at you weakly. ‘It doesn’t have to be princess. Tell me you want me and I’ll promise you I’ll make the sun only shine for you.’