the suspect

8th Year Quidditch Commentary
  • Luna: Ooh, Harry and Draco just completely missed the snitch again! Ron doesn't seem too happy about that. It's okay Ron, I'm sure they'll get together soon and be able to focus on something besides each other's arses—
  • McGonagall: MISS LOVEGOOD!
  • Luna: Sorry, Minerva! But I admit I can see why! I've always found Draco's bottom to be very shapely, and Harry's has recently become really toned—
  • McGonagall: I swear to you Miss Lovegood, I WILL replace you if you are incapable of focusing on Quidditch!
  • Luna: Oh, look! I think Slytherin has just scored. Whatever were you looking over here for, Ron? Anyway, Harry and Draco must both have a case of the Woomplies because just look at that tension! Come on, kiss him, Harry!
  • McGonagall: This is NOT a platform for you to make up some complete nonsense about— Oh, good lord.
  • Luna: Oh!! And it was actually Draco who went in for the kiss! That was a surprise! Harry seems quite excited about it though. Wow, they really are quite lovely together, don't you all think? Of course, Ginny is the loveliest player of all, but since this commentary is meant to target the interests of the entire student body, I will avoid discussing my girlfriend's beautiful, firm—
  • McGonagall: THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH, MISS LOVEGOOD!
  • Luna: Ooh, look! Slytherin have scored three more goals! Ronald seems very distracted. It's okay, Ron! I'm sure there will always be a place for you in Harry's heart!
  • McGonagall: I need a fucking drink.

Prompt: This wasn’t meant to be a date, but we’ve had such a good time and now it’s 2 a.m. and I should really go home…

Pairing: T’Pura

Requested by @ussspocko, thank you for your patience! This got big! Haha! I had so many different ideas but then I realized this was perfect Fake Date/Academy AU fodder and I JUST couldn’t help myself. I don’t write these ladies as often as I should, so I hope it’s alright!


“I require your assistance.”

The words, at first, didn’t quite sink in. Nyota had been happily nursing her drink, her well-deserved reward after a long week. The music here was loud and predictable, the bartender chatty enough for company but busy enough to remove any social obligation, and it was as good a place as any to unwind. The ebb and flow of her Friday nights had become important to her– the few moments she really had to relax all to herself.

At least, most Fridays were like that. With the Vulcan woman sidling up next to her at the bar and her hurried plea for help, Nyota suspected this wasn’t going to be a typical night out.

Keep reading

Children - how not to bring them up.

Last post about kids sharing toys has reminded me of something.

Years ago, when I was around 7, I had a doll (Barbie or Sindy, can’t remember). I wasn’t someone who played with dolls much, apart from plaiting their hair, as I preferred reading, or Lego, or teddy bear schools. Anyway, my friend played with dolls and one day demanded my doll. She’d told her mum I was going to give it to her as it would fit right in to her horse gymkhana set she had. Her mum told her ‘has C actually agreed to this?’ And my friend just said 'oh yes, she doesn’t play with the doll.’

So she comes over and tries to take doll. I said no, because … it’s mine … not hers. She hadn’t asked, she’d just demanded. She ran home crying.

My mum asked what the problem was, and then said 'oh, Carole, be nice and give her the doll’.

FUCK NO!

What sort of fucking message was that to give a girl, to give your daughter? That someone who cries loud enough gets their own way. And my mum also knew the facts because the other mum had told her.

And so I was guilted into giving the doll to her, and was also told that I sounded grudging about it because I said instead she could borrow it on the understanding that it was still mine. (Quite pleased with my seven year old self for inserting that clause. Friend started to cry again and her sister told her to stop being a brat.)

Side note: my friend was from a rich family. She literally had a boxful of dolls, so this wasn’t a case of being charitable. We weren’t poor, but we were not in their league.

Okay, I loved my mum to bits. She was a genuinely good and loving person, but she was too bothered about what other people thought, and if they judged her, and she sadly passed a lot of that on to her daughters (not her son, though - shock horror).

I still feel rage about this. And powerless. Is that odd?

anonymous asked:

Sokka looks so much like his mother and no one ever points it out. He probably also got a lot of his personality from her too like how's he's so family oriented and protective. I really wish we had more content with Kya interacting with Sokka and Katara

He really does! Ok, so Sokka looks a bit more like his dad when he’s older, but Katara is almost identical to Kanna (though I think she got her wavy hair from Hakoda? he seems to have it), so he’s allowed to take whatever he wants from his parents ok. 
Honestly I think Sokka taking after Kya makes his lack of memory of her even more supported; after all, if she resembled Katara–someone he sees and looks after every day–wouldn’t that spark some recognition? (On the other hand…Katara sees him every day…)

And really, in my mind Kya is the most calm and even-tempered of her family members, and I support this by pointing at how surprisingly composed she is when facing down Yon Rha. Sokka’s diplomacy seems to be a fusion of this and his father’s clever focus. 

And of course, like his first loyalty is to his family and cannot bare the idea of turning away from them, Kya would take the punishment for her children in a heartbeat. 

I would love to see them more.

Jin’s Dad Jokes Masterlist

☞ Do not repost & screencap. Do not re-translate into any language.
☞ In celebration of BTS’ awards at 31st Golden Disk Awards.
☞ Stan Jin’s dad jokes. Stan BTS.

(last updated: 21.03.2017)

☠️ 1. - 깨가 죽으면 뭔 줄 알니?
- 주근깨. 

- What is it called when a sesame is dead?
- Freckles. 

“Freckles” (주근깨 ju-keun-kkae) is pronounced the same as “dead sesame” (죽은 깨 juk-eun kkae). 

🍔 2. - 햄버거가 무슨 색인 줄 알니?
- 버건디. 

- What color is the hamburger?
- Burgundy. 

“Burger” when joined with the letter “n” becomes “burgern”, which is pronounced the same as “burgun” in “burgundy”. 

🍓 3. - 딸기가 도망가면 뭔 줄 알니?
- 딸기잼. 

- What is it called when a strawberry runs?
- Strawberry jam. 

“Jam” is written as “잼” (jaem) in Korean. “재다” (jae-da) means “fast”, while “잼” can also mean the adjective “재다” is added an “ㅁ” to it, turning “재다” into a noun “잼” (rough meaning: the state of being fast). So “딸기잼” (ddalki-jam / strawberry jam) can be understood as “the strawberry is fast”. 

🍤 4. - 물이 있어요. 이 물들이 갑자기 흩어졌어. 그럼 무엇일까?
- 해산물. 

- There’s water. The water then suddenly dispersed. What is it called?
- Seafood. 

“Seafood” is “해산물” (hae-san-mul) in Korean. “해산” (hae-san) means “dispersal” and “물” (mul) means “water”. So “해산물” literally means “dispersed water”. 

🍜 5. - 라면이 프랑스 가면 왜 싫어하는 줄 아십니까?
- 다 불어 써서. 

- Why do the noodles hate going to France?
- Because they all use French. 

“Use French” is “불어 써서” (bul-eo sseo-seo) in Korean, “불어” (bul-eo) means “French” and “써서” (sseo-seo) is the conjugated version of the verb “쓰다” (sseu-da / use) with the 아/어서 grammar (indicating the reason of an action/a situation). “불어 써서” is pronounced similar to “불었었서” (bul-eoss-eoss-seo, read as: bul-leot-sseot-seo), which is the verb “붇다” (but-da / swell up, be bloated) with 았었/었었 grammar (double past tense, indicating an action is done in the past and is no longer relevant to the present). Combined, we have “불었었어”, meaning “(the noodles are) bloated". 

👶 6. - 신이 아이를 낳으면 뭔 줄 아십니까?
- 갓 난 아이. 

- What is it called when a god gives birth to a child.
- An infant. 

“Infant” is “갓난아이” (gat-nan-a-i) in Korean. “갓” (gat) means “god”, “난” (nan) is the verb “나다” (na-da / come out) used with modifier ㄴ for adjectives, and “아이” (a-i) means “baby”. 

😺 7. - 고양이 물로 만들면 뭔 줄 아십니까?
- 물로켓. 

- What is a cat made from water called?
- Water rocket.  

“Water rocket” is “물로켓” (mul-ro-ket) in Korean. “물” (mul) means “water” and “로켓” (ro-ket) means “rocket”. When analyzed in a different way, “물로켓” can be separated into “물”, “로” and “켓”. “로” (ro) indicates something is used as material, and “켓” (ket) is read similar to “cat” in English. In that sense, “물로켓” means “a cat made from water.” 

🐰 8. - 3월에 대학생들이 강한 이유는?
- 개강해서. 

- Why are college students strong in March?
- Because it’s the beginning of a new term. 

“개강해서” (gae-gang-hae-seo) is the verb “개강하다” (gae-gang-ha-da / a new term begins) with 아/어서 grammar (indicating the reason of an action/a situation). “개강해서” is read the same as “개 강해서” (gae gang-hae-seo), which is the word “개” (gae / used in slangs, meaning “frigging”, “so”, “really”) and “강하다” (gang-ha-da / strong) with 아/어서 grammar. “개 강해서” means “because they are frigging strong”. 

🔊 9. 오디오 있는 곳이 어디어. 

Where is the place that has audio? 

“Where” is “어디어” (eo-di-eo) and is pronounced similar to “audio” (오디오 o-di-o) in Korean. 

🐶 10. - 개가 벽 보고 뭐라고 하는 줄 아십니까?
- 월월. 

- What does the dog say when it sees a wall?
- Wol-wol. 

“월월” (wol-wol) is the “woof-woof” sound a dog makes written in Korean. “월” is pronounced similar to “wall” in English. 

🐮 11. - 소가 계단을 올라오면 뭔 줄 아세요?
- 소오름. 

- What is it called when a cow goes up the stairs?
- Goose~oose bumps. 

“소름” (so-reum) means “goose bumps” in Korean, “소오름” (so-o-reum) is “소름” with the “오” sound lengthened. “소” (so) in “소오름” means “cow”, “오름” (o-reum) is the verb “오르다” (o-reu-da / go up) added a ㅁ to it, turning “오르다” into the noun “오름” (the act of going up). So “소오름” can be understood as “a cow going up”. 

🐂 12. - 소가 전쟁을 하면 뭔 줄 아세요?
- 워메워메. 

- What is a cow going into a war called?
- War-me war-me. 

“워메워메” (wo-me wo-me) is the sound a cow makes written in Korean. “워” has the same pronunciation as “war” in English. 

⭐️ 13. - 징을 놀랍도록 세게 치면 무엇인지 아세요?
- 어메이징. 

- What is it called when a jing is hit hard?
- Ama-jing. 

“징” (jing) is a large gong used in traditional Korean music. “어메이징” (eo-me-i-jing) is “amazing” written in Korean. 

🦐 14. 이 바닷가재가 어제 나한데 바다 가재. 

Yesterday this lobster asked me to go to the sea with it. 

“Lobster” (바닷가재 ba-dat-ga-jae) has similar pronunciation to “ask (me) to go to the sea with it” (바다 가재 ba-da ga-jae). “바다” (ba-da) means “sea”, while “가재” (ga-jae) is the shortened form of “가자고 해” (ga-ja-go hae, unconjugated: 가자고 하다 ga-ja-go ha-da), meaning “ask someone to go”. 

🐻 15. 문을 뒤집으면 곰. 

A door upside down is a bear. 

In Korean, “door” is “문” (mun) and “bear” is “곰” (gom). Flip it upside down. 

👊 16. - 손가락은 영어로 핑거잖아요. 그럼 주먹인 뭐예요?
- 오므린거.

- A finger is “finger” in English. Then what is a fist?
- Omeuringer. 

“Omeuringer” is written as “오므린거” (o-meu-rin-geo) in Korean. The verb “오므리다” (o-meu-ri-da) means “clench (hands)”, combining with modifier ㄴ and “거” (geo) (the thing / the action), we have “오므린거”, which means “the action of clenching (hands)”. 

☝️ 17. - 강아지가 한 마리만 있는 나라가 뭔 줄 알아?
- 독일. 

- Which country only has one dog?
- Germany. 

Germany is “독일” (dog-il) in Korean. The Romanization of “독” is “dog” and “일” (il) means “one”.

👅 18. - 소가 웃으면 뭔 줄 아세요?
- 우하하. 

- What is it called when a cow laughs?
- Uhaha. 

In “우하하” (uhaha), “우” (u) means “cow” and “하하” means “haha”. 

🔥 19. - 뱀이 불 타면 뭔 줄 알아요?
- 뱀파이어. 

- What is a snake on fire?
- Vamfire. 

In Korean, “vampire” is written as “뱀파이어” (baem-pa-i-eo). “뱀파이어” is “뱀” (baem), which means “snake”, and “파이어” (pa-i-eo / fire). The ㅍ sound can be pronounced as “p” or “f”, the ㅂ sound can be pronounced as “b” or “v”. 

❄️ 20. - 오리가 얼면?
- 언덕. 

- What is it called when we freeze a duck?
- A slope. 

“Slope” is “언덕” (eon-deok) in Korean. “언” (eon) is the verb “얼다” (eol-da / freeze) combined with modifer ㄴ, and “덕” (deok) is pronounced the same as “duck” in English. So “언덕” can be understood as “a frozen duck”.

🦌 21. - 사슴이 눈이 좋으면 뭔지 아세요?
- 굿아이디어.

- What is a deer with good eyes called?
- Good idea. 

“Good idea” is pronounced the same as “good eye deer”.

🦆 22.  오리를 생으로 먹으면? 회오리.

What is it called when you eat ducks raw? Tornado.

“Tornado” is “회오리” (hoe-o-ri) in Korean. “회” (hoe) means “sashimi” and “오리” (o-ri) means “duck”.

🐣 23. - 세상에서 가장 강한 새는 뭔지 아십니까?
- 참새.

- What is the world’s strongest bird?
- Sparrow.

“Sparrow” is “참새” (cham-sae) in Korean. “참” (cham) means “quite, very”and “새” (sae) means “bird”.

🌸 24. - 세상에서 가장 아름다운 새는 뭔지 아십니까?
- 아미 생김새.

- What is the world’s most beautiful bird?
- ARMYs’ appearances.

“Appearance” is “생김새” (saeng-kim-sae) in Korean. The “새” (sae) in “생김새” also means “bird”.

⚡ 25. - 논리적인 사람이 총을 쏘면 뭔지 알아요?
- 타당타당.

- What is it called when a logical person shoots a gun?
- A valid point.

“Valid” is “타당하다” (ta-dang-ha-da) in Korean. The sound of a bullet coming out from a gun is “타당타당” (ta-dang-ta-dang).

🍚 26. - 뚜비가 길을 지나가고 있었어. 근데 나나가 밥을 먹고 있었어. 그러더니 뚜비가 뭐라고 한 줄 알아? - 뚜비두밥. 

- Laa-Laa was eating when Dipsy passed by. What did Dipsy say? 

- Ddubidubab. “Ddubidubab” (뚜비두밥) is read similar to “뚜비도 밥” (ddu-bi-do bab), which means “food for Ddubi too” in Korean. “Ddubi” is the Korean name of Dipsy.

🎵 27. - 세상에서 제일 긴 음악이 뭔 줄 알아요?
- 엠아롱. 

- What is the longest music in the world?
- Am I Wlong. 

“Am I Wrong” is written as “엠아롱” (em-a-rong) in Korean. Since the ㄹ consonant can be pronounced as both “l” and “r”, there are 2 ways of pronouncing “롱”: as “long” and as “rong”.

🏝 28. - 꿈이 큰 나무가 뭔지 아세요?
- 왕꿈틀이. 

- What is a big tree with big dreams?
- A giant gummy worm. 

“Giant gummy worm” in Korean is “왕꿈틀이” (wang-kkum-teul-i). “왕” means “kind”, but it’s often used with the meaning of “big, huge, giant”. “꿈” means “dream”. “틀이” is read similar to “트리” (teu-ri), which is “tree” written in Korean.

🖐 29. 안녕하세요에서 안녕하세요 인사를 하게 되네요. 

I get to say “hello” at “Hello Counselor”. 

You all know this one.

👸 30. - 오리들의 여왕이 일어섰어요. 그럼 무엇일까요?
- 선덕여왕. 

- The queen of the ducks has stood up. What is it called?
- Queen Seonduck. 

Queen Seondeok is a queen in Korean history. “Deok” and “duck” are pronounced the same.

☂️ 31. - 그늘이 있으면 행복한 이유가 무엇일까요?
- 해피해서. 

- Why are people happy when there’s shade?
- Because they’re happy. 

“Happy” is written as “해피” (hae-pi) in Korean. “해피해서” (because they’re happy) can be phrased as “해 피해서”. “해” means “the sun”, “피해서” is “피하다”, meaning “avoid”, combined with 아/어서 grammar (indicating the reason of an action/a situation). When phrasing as “해 피해서”, it takes the meaning of “because they can avoid the sun”.

👜 32. 최근에 가방 사셨나봐요~? 내껀 가방. 

Did you buy a new bag recently? You must be mine. 

In “내껀 가방” (nae-kkeon ka-bang), “내껀” means “mine” and “가방” means “bag”, so “내껀 가방” means “my bag”. On another hand, “내껀 가방” is read close to “내껀 가봥”, which is “내껀 가봐” written in a cute way by adding the “ㅇ” consonant. “내껀 가봐” is “내꺼” (mine) and the conjugated ㄴ가 보다 grammar (indicating the speaker is guessing). “내껀 가봐” means “you must be mine”.

🦆 33. - 오리가 하늘을 날아. 하늘을 날면서 막 요리가 돼. 그건 뭐지 알아?
- 푸드덕. 

- The duck flies to the sky and becomes food. What is it?
- Flapping. 

“Flap” is “푸드덕” (푸드덕거리다) (pu-deu-deok) in Korean. In “푸드덕”, “푸드” means “food” and “덕” means “duck”.

❄️ 34. - 혈액형?
- 인형? 

- Your blood type?
- Doll? 

“혈액형” (hyeol-aek-hyeong) means “blood type” in Korean. The types of blood type would be called “[…]형”, for example: type A is “A형”, type O is “0형”. “Doll” in Korean is “인형” and it ends with “형”, similar to how blood types’ names are ended with.

🐮 35.- 소가 노래를 부르면 뭔지 아나?
- 소송 일세.
- 그 소들이 떼창하면 뭔지 아나?
- 단체소송 일세. 

- What is it called when cows sing?
- A lawsuit.
- What if those cows sing together?
- A group lawsuit. 

“Lawsuit” is “소송” (so-song) in Korean. “소” means “cow” and “송” means “song” (as in music). “단체” means “group”.

🍗 37. - 닭 중에서 제일 빠른 닭은?
- 후다닥. 

- What is the quickest chicken?
- Rush (Huda chicken). 

“후다닥” (hu-da-dak) is used to show an action is done fast. In “후다닥”, the “닥” is read the same as “닭” (chicken).

🍖 38. - 뼈가 두 개면 뭔지 아십니까?
- 두개골.
- 네 개가 있으면?
- 사골. 

- What is it called when there are 2 bones?
- A skull.
- What if there are 4 bones?
- Beef bone. 

In Korean, “skull” is “두개골” (du-gae-gol) and “beef bone” is “사골” (sa-gol). In “두개골”, “두개” means “two (things)” and “골” means “bone”. In “사골”, “사” means “four” and “골” means “bone”.

🍞 39. - 제빵사들이 제일 싫어하는 개그는 뭔지 알아요?
- 빵 터지는 개그. 

- Which kind of jokes do bakers hate the most?
- Jokes that make people burst out laughing. 

“Burst out laughing” is “빵 터지다” (bbang teo-ji-da) in Korean. “빵 터지다” can be understood as “빵” (bread) and “터지다” (explode, burst) combined. So “빵 터지는 개그” has 2 meanings: “jokes that make people burst out laughing” and “jokes that make bread explodes”.

🐲 40. - 용이 하늘로 승천하다를 네 글자로 줄이면?
- 올라가용. 

- “The dragon ascends to heaven” shortened to 4 characters is?
- Go up. 

“올라가용” (ol-la-ga-yong) is “올라가요” (ol-la-ga-yo) written in a cute way, with “올라가다” meaning “go up”. “용” in “올라가용” means “dragon”.

🛁  41. 푸마에도 살짝 거품이 끼어 있어요. 언블리버블~ 

There’s a kind of bubble in Puma. Unbeliebubble~  

“Unbelievable” is written as “언블리버블” (eon-beul-li-beo-beul) in Korean. The “ㅂ” consonant can be pronounced as both “b” and “v”, so “버블” in “언블리버블” can be read as “beo-beul” (bubble) or “veo-beul” (vable).

📦 42. - 쓰레기가 음식을 먹을 때 나는 소리는 무엇일까요?
- 오물오물. 

- What sound does rubbish make when eating?
- Munch munch. 

“오물오물” (o-mul o-mul) is used to express the action of doing something with a full mouth/mouth hardly opens, such as munching. “오물” (o-mul) means “rubbish”.

🤢 43. - 소나무가 삐지면?
- 칫솔. 

- What is it called when the pine tree sulks?
- Toothbrush. 

“Toothbrush” is “칫솔” (chit-sol) in Korean. “칫” is the sound used to describe when someone is sad/sulks and “솔” means “pine tree”.