the style is so erratic

a comprehensive humanz listening experience

henlo friends i wrote this as i listened to the entire humanz album for the first time. here are my thoughts and revelations written in real life as i went through this life-changing and at times harrowing experience. i hope you enjoy

Keep reading

For anon:

You assumption is totally pertinent. Kishimoto just might have blighted narusaku. And NS as a couple won’t transform the ninja society without radical grassroot reforms. But why do I ship them? Because of my personal history with Naruto. I didn’t particularly ship them when I first became acquainted with Naruto - their dynamics just made them appear to be the most plausible pairing. Romantic love felt to be the perfect logical conclusion to their character evolution as depicted. A reasonable prediction of romance - this much was my involvement with canon narusaku.

After the Sasuke retrieval arc i watched Naruto pretty much sporadically and eventually lost interest in the anime. The concepts were intriguing though, so i almost exclusively retired to fanfiction. At that point of time, i wasn’t bothered by the problematic issues handled by the story, instead i was infatuated with a particular character. Exploration of core issues was secondary to my fave’s status as the protagonist. Anyways all my updates were sieved from fanfics and were not too thorough either. Gradually I cut back on my fanfiction consumption which had become too very addictive and hindered my studies. All i retained was the skeleton of the premise and the vague outline of characters. If you can believe it, I came to know about shippuden’s conclusion last year only.

You see, Naruto had been so much like opium that I had consciously refrained from getting involved with it a second time. Once in a while i would peruse my favourite fanfics and that was that. When i finally learnt about chapter 700, i was shell shocked. The thing i had been most curious about was not any pairing but Sasuke’s fate. And it was fucking anticlimactic to know about the resolution of the series.

You see, according to my past knowledge, NS had felt like a given. So my anticipation was all about Sasuke. Did he die at last? If yes, under what circumstances? If he lived, how did he manage to achieve closure about the Uchiha massacre? What was the final ethical stand of Konoha? Were all the troubling clandestine operations finally banned with punishment meted out for past offences? Where did the Konohans finally draw the line? Did group morality triumph over the personal? How was the ambivalence about good and evil finally settled? Ironically, Sasuke was the epicenter of all these questions and my interest was specifically arrested by his ultimate fate and its implications for the ninja world as a whole.

Needless to say, i was disappointed. No true resolution of the vexatious issues and the epic showdown monopolized by an overpowered duo and the main villain disposed of so erratically to introduce Deux ex machina style another supervillain. Madara’s philosophy actually merited consideration - sacrificing reality for freedom from pain. It deserved to be scrutinized and answered, even if ambiguously. But no. All it got was a simplistic appraisal before going altogether moot with Kaguya’s superfluous entry to the scene. God-like powers, a flimsy character background and sudden attribution of the shadow supervillain crown - it was a classic bullshit move.

And then came the pairings. It was the last straw. Not only the Byzantine intermeshing of NaruHina but also the fucking travesty done to my favourite character. The person she ended up being - it was a damn nightmare. And the person worst implicated in this sabotage was, most ironically to my consternation, Sasuke. As for Hinata, she went from being an almost invisible speck to the cynosure of it all.

For Sasusaku to be, NaruHina was needed. And the final product of this infuriating algebra was one parody of a Sakura Haruno. Which couldn’t have been possible without the undermining of Narusaku relations, a pathetically concocted sasusaku and Hinata appropriating and subverting the main story. Thus not only was the ending terribly contrived with no real closure, but my precious character was mutilated beyond recognition.

The lack of a mature resolution was disappointing, but THIS was aggravating like hell. I hadn’t felt so outraged for a fictional character all this time and this discovery was like a fucking cataclysm to my imagination. So from being complacently convinced about narusaku as an inevitability, i went to become a NS shipper with a vengeance.

And now without my childhood naivete, all that was invisible to me then became glaring enormities now. Thus I came to have two axes to grind but Sakura will always take precedence over the bungling narrative. Turns out it’s an attachment i can’t exorcize myself of despite the passage of time.

So yeah, NS wouldn’t have made any difference on its own while the status quo remained essentially unchanged with a cosmetic gloss over. But all the shoddy development leads inexorably towards the canonised pairings, making it the most obvious target for criticism. The tip of the iceberg, if you will.

For example, Kaguya was completely unnecessary if not for the intention of protracting the series with a new treasure mine of antagonists. Neji’s death was gratuitous as well, a preposterous contrivance to propel NaruHina. Remove the couples and new gen characters from the equation and you get so much space for a worthy denouement.

Now pairings were only necessary for a sequel featuring the next gen ninjas. Eliminate the pairings and you can instead concentrate on the immediate aftermath as well as the gradual reordering of the society. For this to have happened, no ludicrous change in the NS dynamics would have been needed, thus naturally culminating in romantic love.

Alternatively, instead of placing emphasis on conjoining them romantically, attention could have been paid to the new dialectics of Team Seven which could be considered as a microcosmic portrait of human impact of the ninja business with all its ambivalence.

The central canonised pairs are as static and complacent as the new Konoha. If you think about it, the lack of structural reform is mirrored by the stasis in personal relationships. There has been no substantial growth, both character wise and society wise. In Shippuden, private issues were inextricably linked with systemic iniquities in Konoha. Gaiden is all about children with daddy issues in a vaguely defined commune of the ninja with extraterrestrial dangers since issues endemic to their society got resolved magically.

Erasure of canon pairings could only be a small prelude to the radical restructuring of the ninja business, if not its complete annihilation. For me, narusaku embodies a shift from sentimental romance to a holistic revolution in the ninja universe that includes nuanced exploration of love. It is a pair that could be easily assimilated with the canon developments until the shinobi world war while functioning as the centre of the divergent narrative.

Such are the reasons for my ardent Narusaku love. Canon remains unaltered for the major part, the facile resolution is substituted with realistic (and consequentially arduous and protracted) measures that bring about genuine transformation and my precious character evades an abrupt, uncharacteristic and altogether debilitating transition.

It goes without saying that with Sakura eliminated as a romantic candidate for Sasuke, Hinata not playing usurper and continued emphasis being placed on team seven, Narusaku emerges as only one of many possibilities in the resultant tableau. It just happens to be the one I’d rather prefer.

P.S. Hope this suffices, dear anon. If not, feel free to enliven my sad, empty inbox:)

P.P.S: I didn’t dwell on Sakura’s character in a hypothetical tryst with Naruto since canon Narusaku is mostly impeccable as it is and doesn’t do Sakura an egregious disservice like another pairing. Sakura Haruno stays Sakura Haruno, not an emasculated shell of her essential self.

Just a random post...anyone relate?

I don’t have one complete sense of style, I have like 7 and they change so erratically. One day I’m all bohemian and knit and bralettes, the day after I’m dressed like a hardcore punk, the next is androgyny, the next I’m full grunge, the next I’m wearing stoner hippie shit, the next I’m full preppy girly attire, and the list goes on. Who knows man. Obviously my weight plays its role in which one I choose lol. Why? Because of course it does.

six shots

this one’s a bit longer, got a little bored….hope someone likes it

The door slammed shut for the 8th night in a row at 3 a.m. Expensive boots were scuffed off, banging on the floor carelessly. Lennon rolled her eyes from the couch, standing up. Any other night she would’ve just laid in bed, pretending to be asleep and deal with him in the morning. But she had snapped. He was moving lethargically forward, no doubt searching for the stairs. She walked over to the lights, and flicked them on abruptly, receiving a groan from Harry.
“Bloody Hell Lennon, what the fuck are you doing” he said, voice slightly raised. Lennon only squinted her eyes.
“You reek of whiskey” she stated, crossing her arms.
“Okay?” he said, rubbing his forehead from what she presumed to be the start of an awful headache. Anger rose within her body.
“This is the eighth night in a row you’ve come home trashed from God knows where. Every time I ask you where you went you roll your eyes at me, and get all pissy. But I’ve had it. Where the fuck were you Harry, where the fuck have you been going?” she seethed, eyes blazing at his.
“Oh my god” he groaned, tilting his head back in annoyance, “here we go again. You can’t fucking trust me for one single second, can you?”
“I fucking trust you, Harry. I just don’t need a boyfriend who comes home from somewhere he won’t tell me about with people he fails to ever mention drunk every single night”.
“What, you think I cheated on you? Is that it? Give me a break and stop being so fucking clingy” he shouted. His voice was loud, and Lennon winced a bit.
“Clingy? You think this is clingy? You think me worried about where you’ve been when you refuse to tell me anything is clingy? You’re out of your damn mind. People tell eachother things in relationships, unless they have something to hide”.
“THEN MAYBE I HAVE SOMETHING IM HIDING FOR FUCKS SAKE” he yelled, stepping towards her. She flinched back, closing her eyes. Never had he ever raised his voice that loud. Tears welled her eyes, and when she turned her head back to him he look mortified. His eyes widened at what he had said, his stance shrinking within him.
“L-Lennon” he stammered, stepping forward again only to have her step back, “Baby, you….did you….did you think I was going to hit you?”
Lennon stood there silently looking down. The tears were now staining her face. Truthfully, she didn’t know why she had cowered away. She knew he’d never dare lay a hand on her, but then again his voice was loud, and he’d been so distant the past 2 weeks, what was she to think.
“Baby, look at me” he pleaded, moving his hands to her cheeks. Her eyes met his. She took his hands off her face, and brushed past him.
“Lennon” he called as she walked up the stairs, reaching out to grab her arm.
“Don’t touch me” she snapped swiveling around, “if you have something to hide than keep it hidden. I don’t want anything to do with you anyways”.
She ran the rest of the way up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door shut, locking it afterwards. Sobs racked through her chest, knees pulled up to her chin as she sat on the plush mattress. She was lying. She would never truly be done with Harry. But she was certainly done with him right now. A few hours had passed, Lennon now tucked beneath the covers with a tear streaked face, when Harry’s soft knocks were heard. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn’t asleep. He didn’t need to know that though. After a few minutes the door knob fiddled, and alas the door itself opened, Harry tossing a paper clip to the floor as he made his way over. He crouched down in front of Lennon’s face, taking his hand to brush her hair back softly.
“Lennon” he cooed, “Baby please wake up”.
Against her better judgement, she fluttered her eyes open slowly, meeting a puffy faced Harry staring at her sadly.
“There she is” he whispered. His breath smelt like mint, and she knew he had just brushed his teeth, most likely desperate to rid himself of the alcoholic taste and smell. Or the burning he felt when he had shouted at her. His thumb continued its strokes across her face, mouth searching for the right words.
“I am so sorry” he began, bringing his other arm up to grasp her hand, “I’ve been so shitty lately. Proper shitty. I’ve been the worst boyfriend ever, and I wish I could tell you why but I can’t. I hate myself for it. I’m not hiding anything from you, nor have I ever, and nor do I ever want to. I think I was just in a rut, and thought drinking would clear away all my issues. But I know I was wrong, so wrong, and I made a huge mistake, one in which hurt you terribly. Something I swore I’d never do. And believe me, baby, when I say I will spend the rest of my life hating myself for it. I would never even think of cheating on you, the thought itself makes me sick. Truthfully sick. I am so sorry I shouted so loud, as soon as it happened I regretted it. I felt like I had just downed sick shots, my throat burned so bad. I love you Lennon, I really really do. And I don’t want to lose you, and I know if I do it’s my own fault, but baby please, I can be better. I will be better. Please, don’t leave me. I love you so God damn much, and I know you deserve so much better than me, but I’m a selfish prick and I’ll beg forever and ever for you to just stay here with me. Please”.
Harry was now in full tears, his hand squeezing hers. She moved her own up to his face, taking his cheek in her palm. He leaned in, closing his eyes at the touch.
“Harry, you scared me” she whispered, tears pricking her eyes again.
“I would never hurt you. I would never touch you. When you flinched back I felt like someone had stabbed me. Please Lennon, I swear that wasn’t ever my intention and never will be. Even in my drunkest state I would never”
“Shhhh” she hushed, pressing her thumb to his lips, “I know baby, I know. Your voice was just really loud and it startled me. I know you’re sorry, and I know you hate yourself. I see that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t really hurt, because I was. You were so distant from me, it nearly killed me inside. But I’m not leaving you. I won’t ever leave you Harry Styles. I love you too much to do so.”
An erratic sob shoved out of Harry, as he stood up, snuggling himself into the bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, careful not to let her go. He pressed a light kiss a top her head, resting his chin after.
“You’re too good for me, Lennon” he said, rubbing the back of her head.
“I don’t think so” she replied, kissing his collarbone. He sighed softly, pulling back to see her face. Their foreheads pressed together, eyes locked in intensity.
“I won’t ever lose you” he whispered lowly, right before smacking his dry lips to her soft ones in a rhythm she knew and loved so much.


It’s been 1.5 years since my last Follow Forever.

I’ve been putting off doing another Follow Forever because there’s just so much politics involved that I despise (like getting passive aggressive messages about why I didn’t include xxx in the Follow Forever). But now, with this new major milestone, one is definitely in order to thank all of my followers and show appreciation to all the amazing Tumblr users that I follow, especially those that I didn’t include in my past follow forevers because I wasn’t following them at the time.

During these 1.5 years, my blog has changed so much - erratic fandoms, changing graphic styles, being a little less active because of college, different urls (jsyk i was prev kiirstein, rennfro, vorick and halcaeyon). Yet, all of you have shown me so much support and love despite these changes. I’m honestly in shock that I actually managed to reach 10k followers, it was such a far off dream when I first started out making graphics 2 years ago. Thank you everyone for being part of this journey and for saying such nice things about my graphics!

Without further ado and because I’m bad with sentimental crap, here are some amazing blogs that you should check out and whom I would like to thank for brightening up my dash:

(Bolded = Fave)

Fansites which I’m part of: @kekkaisensen / @fydgrayman

* A - J
@aceiwa - @ackernam - @aeikos - @aestrels - @akahito - @akahshi - @allenswalkers - @annaliebert - @aoikawa - @arimakshou@asaahis - @astronuats - @bakakawa - @batmangs - @bertholdts - @canekey -  @centxm - @cibee - @dasperix - @dazaied@dcku - @dearestsoul - @dongwoonn - @durararas - @dzais - @edwarddelrics - @envy-and-pride - @flameshe - @fortaine - @gokukoku - @gurako - @gurensex - @haiyse - @haizawa - @heichos - @hiabalev - @higekis - @hikari-kisu@hirragis@ichimatsus - @iivalice@ioloi - @iosakisaka - @izaiwumi - @jmihelic - @josay - @juhzou - @jvuzou 

* K - R
@kanekikn - @kayox - @kazune - @kkafka@kofee - @komaedas - @korrai - @kougaami - @kougmi - @kurapikua - @majorkimblee - @mei - @micaelis - @midorimashintaru - @miidoriyas - @mikktyki - @minisyubie - @monstrux - @mormikas - @n5fw -  @neahh - @nijimmura@nimbasas - @nnishikih - @noryokusha - @oikawahtoorus - @oikawanes - @oikawos - @oikawz - @preciousghouls - @psychohelmet - @qkawo - @ratotax - @reikans - @ronanex 

* S - Z
@sakurabuns - @sawtsuki - @seethelights - @seiryuus - @sekigannn@setsunae - @sexamura - @sexneki - @sexuoh - @shiiinji -  @shinnyah - @shinyeahs - @shirayukii - @shirazhu - @shizuoi@sightlesswolf - @sylphystiaa - @soukouku - @spectrux - @spirition - @sukerokus - @suzuyajuzoo - @suzuyas - @toshinorie - @tsubuyaki@tsukiyma - @tsutsui - @uchihasasuke - @ukiinas - @xakaashi - @xatsushis@xercis - @yamakenz - @yuikkos - @zeino

+ blogroll


2015.07.08 Suiyou Kayousai had Ronaldo as a guest. Why I’ve no idea. The man looked so confused and out of place there. Like when they wanted to feel his abs he was like WTF? but he said he’s ok if it’s girls. Massu tried to line up anyway but they didn’t let him. Maybe he felt superior to Tegoshi for once. He did get to ask a question later on though and he asked about the kind of alcohol he likes. Ronaldo said he doesn’t drink. Massu looked at him with such reverence, like a schoolboy. It was hard to comprehend that these 2 men are the same age. Also Naoto even performed his soccer song with those girls dressed Brazilian carnival style moving erratically. Ronaldo looked so confused like “WTF is going on here?”