please post for the mentally ill awareness meetup???? i've loved hearing you talk about mental health and would love to see your face again (sorry if that sounds creepy it totally sounds creepy doesn't it)
awwww omg not creepy but i just feel really bad because i let the mental health awareness stuff slide this week while i was offline dealing w my Actual mental health. it’s been a tough ride :(
yaaaa so my mental health story that yall have heard in bits n pieces a lot is that i suffer from pretty severe depression and went through an eating disorder for two years a while ago. pretty much recovered from that, still dealing w the depression stuff. it’s pretty ok most days bc i take meds now but sometimes i get into phases where i think i’m above it and i can recover ‘on my own’ .. whatever that means .. or i just get really forgetful and disorganized and take my medicine super inconsistently. it’s difficult to unlearn all of the stigma around mental illness and more difficult still to view what you’re experiencing as valid and real. it’s easy to slip into patterns of self-blame and self-loathing, to accuse yourself of fabricating your own experiences because all of it is so internal. i’m trying to work on this stuff, trying to be kinder and gentler to myself as i work through it.
… jordan is where a lot of my depressive symptoms came to a head. i was dealing w abject desolation and frustrations w the world, a spiraling crisis as i realized the field of humanitarian aid which i had put so much stock in and perhaps wanted to work in myself in the future was actually a mess of people who were still at their core self-serving and misinformed, was all alone without internet half the time, and basically jst questioning existence and suffering and systemic inequality all in a very immediate way. i talked to survivors of torture and warfare and sexual assault and was very irresponsible with my own training to take on those stories. it was only after a lot of therapy that i realized i could label what i underwent in the aftermath as secondhand trauma. i still feel quite guilty for what i often view as taking people’s suffering and lived experiences as triggers for my own trauma–it doesn’t feel like i deserve to be sad bc of things i have never actually lived myself. but uh,, like i said. i’m working on being kinder to myself and understanding that our emotional responses can’t really be controlled that way.
ah. idkkk. this is a ramble i’m sorry <3 anyway mental health awareness is v important. it’s important to know that so much stigma around this stuff persists and that it’s on all of us to be as kind and tolerant and understanding of each other’s experiences as we can x take care friendos (and as usual please don’t reblog) 🌸