Min Yoongi - Absolution
Character : Yoongi x BTS
Genre : slight angst/fluff
Summary : Self-forgiveness was all he wished for on his birthday
| He wanted to turn 25, here. In his studio. In his little haven, the little home he built for himself. He wanted to turn 25 as Min Yoongi even though he supposedly killed Min Yoongi long ago as stated in one of his song. No Vapp broadcast this year. That was one of his request. Every year since they debuted, he celebrated his birthday with Army. Every year since 2013, he celebrated his birthday as Min Suga. However, this year when the member asked if he wanted to do another Vapp, he firmly rejected the idea.
Because I forgot who is Min Yoongi. Ever since we debuted, I have celebrated my birthday as Min Suga. As much as I love Army, as much as I love all of you, let me celebrate my 25 by myself. Let me find Min Yoongi again. He was me before I became Bangtan, before I became Agust D and before I became Min Suga..
Jungkook walked up to him, Ok, hyung. We respect that. We will see you back at the dorm later tonight and eat cake.
So here he sat, in a place where he shed tears of joy and pain. Where he gave up half of his teenage years for. He took the time to look around. To gently skim his fingers lightly over his sound mixer, to appreciate the 2 trophies standing proud on his shelf. Album of the Year (Melon) & Popularity Award (GAON). Those were the two awards he requested for. He still remembered what Namjoon said when he asked for it, It has always been yours hyung.
Min Suga never shows his emotions, Min Suga is strong. But right now, sitting here, with all this accomplishment, Min Yoongi broke down.
With the gentle flickering light from the burning scented candle that he always light, the clock strike midnight. Happy Birthday Min Yoongi.. Its been a long journey have it not? I’m sorry for abusing you all these years, I’m sorry for all the physical pain I have inflicted in this shell and soul. Most importantly I’m sorry for wanting to forget you, to leave you behind.
Yoongi sobbed onto his hands. Sobbed for the life that was once almost stolen from him when he tried to kill himself. Sobbed for the pain and uncertainty that he went through, for what the members went through. Sobbed for finally accepting that Min Yoongi, Min Suga & Agust D is really him. All of him. But most importantly he cried for finally being able to forgive himself.
He didn’t hear the door opened. He didn’t hear the clattering of footsteps but he did feel himself getting wrapped up and hugged from all sides by 6 warm bodies. He looked up and he saw all the members looking right at him. Tears either brimming on their eye or already streaming down their cheeks.
Happy birthday, Min Yoongi.. All of them whispered it out in unison when they let him go.
He stared at each of their faces. The magnae line crying the hardest. Jungkook who defiantly trying to wipe his tears off his face but failing to do so. The youngest of the group. The one boy he brought up. He saw him grew from day one. When he came walking into the studio and sat at the corner, watching his hyung trained. The little boy have grown into a man. A man Yoongi is really proud of. Thank you for letting me in your life. Thank you for giving me a reason to live again. The moment you walked through the door at 14 years of age, uncertain and awkward was the day hyung realized that you need me more than I needed myself.
He turned to look at Jimin who is holding on to a birthday cake with tears running down his face but still smiling. Not once has this younger boy forget any of their birthdays. Not once has this wonderful young man disappoint him. You saved me. Your infinite love for the members, for helping me overcome the darkness that wanted to swallow me whole. Thank you Jimin. That’s what hyung always wanted to tell you.
And then there’s Taehyung. Sweet Taehyung who have silently went behind Yoongi and wrapped his arm around his back. He could feel the wetness from his tears seeping through his shirt. For all his strangeness, Yoongi have always hold a soft spot for this particular member. Because in some ways, Taehyung reminds him of home. Warm and never judging. Hyung promise to never let go of your hands ever again. Let us fly together Taehyung. Let us finally find that beautiful moment in life cause hyung will be beside you for as long as you need me. I will be your home too.
He stared into Namjoon’s eyes. Mouthing the word Thank you. A thousand meaning hide behind those two words. Thank you for choosing me all those years ago to be part of this amazing team. Thank you for choosing me to be your hyung. You can finally lean on me now, Namjoon. Release some of your burden and share it with me. Hyung will carry it with you.
His gaze then settled onto Jin’s hyung face. Nothing is needed to be said for Jin. He just nodded to Jin and he received a smile in return. Thank you for being the person I come to when I got tired of being the older one in the group. Thank you for being my hyung and accepting me for who I am and what I have become.
He saved the best for last. Yoongi know he is not suppose to have any favorites within the team but Hoseok, he is his soul partner. His Yin to his Yang. Releasing himself from Taehyung backhug, he walked to Hoseok and pull him into a hug. Thank you for being who you are. For always being there for me. For showing me that there is still light. That hyung can be Yoongi, Agust D and Suga and yet I can still come home from training, from performing and from wherever I’m at and know that I have my guiding light, guiding me back home.
Namjoon once said “There is definitely, definitely certain things in this world that happened out of our control, So we.. Let’s us just forgive ourselves”
On March 9, 2017, 12:17 a.m. Yoongi finally did.