lady bracknell, i admit with shame that I do not know. i only wish i did. the plain facts of the case are these: on the morning of the day you mention, a day that is for ever branded on my memory, i prepared as usual to take my virginity out in its perambulator. i had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious hand-bag in which i had intended to place the manuscript of a work of fiction that i had written during my few unoccupied hours. in a moment of mental abstraction, for which i never can forgive myself, i deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the virginity in the hand-bag. and i left it, god forgive me, in the cloakroom of one of the larger railway stations in london. victoria.. the brighton line. i lived for that regret ever since. i would never forgive myself.
Wait what happened with the gay uprising in your school???
Okay, story time.
My high school was a public school with only 3 people out of the closet. A couple of girls we all vaguely saw holding hands and kissing a few times but nobody knew them, and myself.
When I started dating my girlfriend during my second year, I was pretty chill about it, I didn’t really care and her either, so we just did what every other couples did. She was still very private in her own way so people didn’t come to her that much, but I had the reputation to be a little too chillabout it all. After a week or so, every two days someone would come to me to tell me they were bi or gay, a lot of my own friends did. One of my dude friends even wanted to talk to me in private so badly, I thought he was gonna ask me out and I freaked out… I only stopped screaming “PLEASE NO” when he yelled “I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, I AM GAY TOO YOU DUMBASS” at me. All those people ended up befriending each other so in the end, we were a group of approximately 40 friends, with only like 5 totally straight people among us.
Our group of friends was very large so we were rarely all together, but when we were, well, we were kinda noticeable. So the other students started noticing too how girls and boys were holding hands and kissing, so other people started coming out in other groups and asked me about coming out stuff too. And it went on and on for a year. We started at 3 queer people and at the end of the year, the private High School of the same city was calling us The Gay High School.
Long story short, I was gay Moses in my second year of High School.
oh my god did he really invent the word dude? i need to know this story
so dear anon, the legend states that once upon a time in a really not-pretentious-enough land called victorian london lived a fine young fellow called oscar fingal o'flahertie wills wilde, who consecrated himself to the mighty aesthetic ™.
now, tales about oscar’s fabulousness spread all over the world, arriving even in his homeland, ireland, where some not really tasteful nor graceful individuals begun to call him “dood”, word that in irish dialect meant something like “strange looking, funny dressed fellow”. this rumor arrived, as you can imagine, all the way to oscar’s ears, while he was gaily (and very gay-ly) dining at his favorite restaurant with his dandies squad.
he considered the matter for a while and, after a brief thoughtful silence, he turned to one of this friends and went “hey dude”. everyone looked at him really confused, asking what this weird word was supposed to mean. he explained he just invented the term, a crasis between “dud” = “awesomely dressed fella”, and “attitude” = the grace and aesthetic of behaving, stating he obviously plenty owned both. from that day on, everyone in the squad started calling one another “dude” and the word spread pretty much everywhere.
btw, this is not the only word oscar invented. once he and his friends were bored and oscar made a bet that he could introduce a word into the english language within twenty-four hours. he then went out and hired a group of street boys to write the word “quiz”, which was a nonsense term, on random walls all around the city. within a day, the word was common currency and had acquired a meaning, because many people started to think it was a secret treasure hunt hint or something of that kind, thing that made oscar the winner.
this story is honestly controversial tho, because it was attributed to a 1700s theater owner and several other people too, but still. it’s awesome to know.
You stop at the Florida border after hours of driving. There is a small welcome center where a blonde woman named Karen hands you a free cup of orange juice. You excitedly ask how much longer until you reach the Keys. Karen laughs.
There is nothing but farmland for hours on either side of the highway. You have been listening to the same classic rock station for three of them, with the occasional static of lost signal. You play a game counting as many Yeehaw Junction! billboards that you see. If you guess correctly, you win a prize. There are 80 of them.
Florida has two main cryptids, the Skunk Ape, and Florida Man. You are canoeing in the swamp and you hear rustling. Swatting at gnats and mosquitos you hold your breath, you spot the Skunk Ape. A moment or two goes by, the Skunk Ape reaches up and scratches his head. He removes what was a mask all along. Florida Man is the Skunk Ape.
You visit your grandparent’s condo that’s 20 minutes from the beach. Everything in Florida is 20 minutes from the beach. There is an alligator walking on the golf course. “Let him play!!” A nearby woman shouts, as animal control attempts to capture the reptile. There will be another. There is always another.
The more south you drive, the more north it becomes. One side of the street is pouring rain with flashing lightning, the other is dead grass from decades of drought. Everyone wears flip flops, often with long sleeved shirts or hoodies. No one questions this.
It is 8:42pm on a Wednesday night. You walk into Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. Chicken tender subs are $5.99 for a whole, the man at the counter asks if you’d like to make it a combo. You never make it a combo. Two aisles over, a sweet woman asks if you’d like a free chocolate chip cookie. You say yes, and promptly buy a dozen more.
The news tells stories of wild parties and drug scandals from one of the 3 major cities. You live in the suburbs, where the craziest thing that’s happened is an iguana went into homeostasis in the winter, and rose from the dead in the summer. You switch to the local weather, rain is in the forecast again.
You have just paid $20 to park at the happiest place on earth. You used to park at the resorts and take the bus over, but they found out, and now monitor the resorts. You do not have extra magic hours but you stay past the park’s closing time anyway. It is empty except for one cast member sweeping popcorn off the floor. They have been sweeping for 27 minutes now. You are in Frontierland, but can hear It’s A Small World. You will always hear It’s A Small World.
While pregnant, Nick used his pregnancy as a “shield/protection” if he gets himself in trouble.
Chief Bogo: Wilde, you’re supposed to be on maternity leave.
Nick: I know, I know that. I just have some…very important information to..to share with with you.
Chief Bogo: Well….
Nick: Uh..Eheh…well…ME, being a good friend and all for Judy, teamed up together with Finnick to help y’know get that burglar that’s been around and..
Chief Bogo: Cut to the chase Wilde.
Nick: *scratches the back of his head as he tenses up* Heheh..funny thing is, we found out that he was one our good old friends. Haven’t seen him in a while, really brought back those good times- *Bogo continues to glare* aaand we might have accidentally given him information of an old escape route to avoid being caught. Sooo there could be a chance you won’t be finding that guy anytime soon.
Chief Bogo: …..
Nick: *nervously chuckles* Ch-chief?….
Chief Bogo: I’M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU DUMB, ANNOYING LITTLE-
Nick: *cowers in fear until he quickly thinks up an idea* Wait! *Bogo freezes* R-remember, it’s not healthy for me or ESPECIALLY the KITS to be exposed to a stressful environment! *holds his round belly as he gives a wide skittish smile* Studies has proven that.
Chief Bogo: *twitches* …..*then takes a deep breathe in and exhales* Alright. We’ll figure out what to do with this SITUATION. But we are not finished here. Just you wait until Hopps finds out. She’ll be very disappointed in you. Now leave my office.
Nick: *walks out of the building sighing with relief* ……
Finnick: Hey y’know it could’ve been worse. Judy could have been here at the moment. You would have to deal with both the bunny and the buffalo.
Nick: Yeah I guess you’re right…plus to start that conversation I could pull out the big sad eyes, while caressing my stomach and say “I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.” Yeah that could work. *smirks proudly*
Finnick: And if you do that, I could get away with it too. Since it was mostly your idea anyway and I was just an innocent accomplice. That will help ease the moment and won’t make it much of a big deal. You can also say it was your “pregnancy brain” making you act stupid. So then I don’t have to deal with an angry Judy trying to track me down.
Judy: Oh, dealing with an “angry” Judy won’t even begin to describe it.
Nick and Finnick, slowly turn around to see Judy standing there, angrily, thumping her foot. And Jack standing right beside her doing the exact thing.
Finnick: Do the thing! DO THE THING, MAN!!!
Nick: U-uhh….Carrots….*clears his throat and gives her a sad face and caresses stomach* I’m soooooo sorry….it ain’t workin, RUN!!!