the squinter

Mass Effect 2 - a (not so) short summary
  • Shepard: this is a routine mission
  • Joker: yeah we are just chillin in the empty calm space without worries that is the life eh
  • Shepard: tru homie no danger in sight we are just like little bugs in the infinite field of the universe
  • Collector's ship: DID SOMEONE SAY BUGS *destroys the Normandy*
  • Shepard: OH DEAR MAKER WHAT'S THAT
  • Shepard: sorry wrong quote
  • Joker: let me save the ship
  • Shepard: let me save your fragile ass
  • Joker: Shepper nooooooo
  • Shepard: Shepper yooooooo *crashes into a planet like a comet and dies*
  • Joker: look at that lemme make a wish real quick
  • Joker: I wish one day I'll fuck a robot
  • ---
  • Miranda: Allusive Man we found Shep's corpse
  • Illusive Man: nice now let's spend a shitload of money to resurrect him/her
  • Miranda: cool let's make him/her our slave by modifying the brain
  • Illusive Man: damn girl what is your problem we can't manipulate someone's mind that's fucked up shit
  • Illusive Man: anyway how is the project of turning Grayson in a human reaper going?
  • ---
  • Shepard: *wakes up after a 2 years coma*
  • Miranda: Shepard we're under attack stand up and fight u inferior slut
  • Shepard: aw shit I can barely move *runs like a leopard* *fight like a demon from hell* *tears shit up*
  • Jacob: hurry up commander
  • Shepard: wait I need answers
  • Jacob: Shepard for the love of god we're in the middle of a fight mechs are shooting at us we can't talk rn
  • Shapard: so how was your day?
  • Jacob: OMG it was nice thank you, I wake up and had a toast then I did some push ups then...
  • Miranda: let's get out of here gossip girls
  • ---
  • Illusive Man: hello I'm Cerberus' boss listen to me you have to find out why humans are disappearing
  • Shepard: fuck you Intrusive Man I don't work for you
  • Illusive Man: I revived you
  • Shepard: oh fuck ok then
  • ---
  • Tali: holy fleet Shap is that u
  • Shepard: ye it is me Tali I missed you so much
  • Tali: cool bye
  • Shepard: no wait Tali join my squad
  • Tali: nah better later I got stuff to do now
  • ---
  • Mordin: *fast shit-talking*
  • Shepard: haha I like you I'll make sure nothing bad will ever happen to you trust me
  • ---
  • Kasumi: god I miss Keiji so much I will never love again
  • Jacob: hey
  • Kasumi: yooooooooooo
  • ---
  • Shepard: Zaeed you squinter swine you set fire to a refinery just to find your boyfriend we are all going to die
  • Zaeed: that fucker shoot me in the head
  • Shepard: aaw isn't this love
  • ---
  • Grunt: Shepurd I feel strange I just want to kill everybody and destroy everything
  • Shepard: oh Grunt baby it's perfectly normal you're just becoming a woman
  • Wrex: Shep he is a krogan. Male. It's like our puberty
  • Grunt: do you mean I don't need this XXXXL tampon?
  • ---
  • Thane: my son is in trouble and my wife is dead
  • Shepard: k
  • Thane: "The fire has gone to be kindled anew.” He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. “Don’t let them! Stop them! Why weren’t you–” It rains. It always rains on Kahje. Warm water pours down his face.
  • Shepard: Cole is that you
  • Thane: what
  • Shepard: what
  • ---
  • Jack: fuck you and fuck everything and fuck Cerberus in particular
  • Shepard: girl put a shirt on it's raining cats and dogs
  • Jack: fuck shirts fuck cats and dogs and fuck me
  • Shepard: kinky
  • ---
  • Samara: help me kill my daughter
  • Shepard: shit why everyone in my squad are psycopath or have tragic stories and why do I have to solve everyone's problem?
  • Samara: so you won't help me?
  • Shepard: sure I'll help you let's do it girl
  • ---
  • Garrus: guess who's fucking back and ready to be romanced
  • Shepard: fuck yes I'm gonna date the shit out of you
  • Garrus: ...
  • Shepard: so-
  • Garrus: shut up I'm calibrating
  • ---
  • Shepard: why do you have a piece of my armor you creepy weirdo
  • Legion: there was a hole
  • Shepard: are you telling me you just have to close every hole you see?
  • Legion: yes
  • Shepard: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • ---
  • Shepard: all right let's go kill all collectors as requested from the Incisive Man
  • Harbinger: we are the beginning, you are the end
  • Shepard: yeah I'm YOUR end
  • Party members: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH SNAP!
  • Harbinger: this hurts me
  • Shepard: fuck my second life what is that big ass blue motherfucker
  • EDI: it's a human reaper
  • Shepard: woah tough shit better destroy this ship and everything in it
  • Illusive Man: wait Shepard don't do it we need this technology
  • Shepard: shut up Disquisitive Man I do what I want and I want to tear this abomination up
  • Illusive Man: damn no I should have enslaved your mind when I had the chance
  • Miranda: called it
  • Shepard: well too fucking bad Dispositive Man let's do this homies
  • ---
  • Shepard: and that's how I saved the day once again
  • Hackett: Shepard you gangsta you forgot to say you killed 300.000 batarian in the process
  • Shepard: I do it for a good cause
  • Hackett: what cause
  • Shepard: peace
  • Hackett: *cries* this is beautiful
  • Shepard: I know buddy
  • Hackett: you're under arrest

anonymous asked:

Wow! I didn't realize that my human version of Rocket looked a lot like Bradly Cooper but with squinter reddish brown eyes! I didn't even know what Badly Cooper even looked like! What are the odds?!

Yeah I thought of the eyes to be brown as well but i couldn’t think of anyone but Bradley Cooper since he’s the one voicing Rocket :D And that’s so awesome that we thought the same!!!

Vanilla (A Julian Draxler One-Shot)

                      “I thought you said you had class tomorrow.”

                        “And I do. Two classes actually. On a Saturday.” With a frown, the girl mumbled, more to herself “Is that even legal?”

                        “Then aren’t you supposed to be at home, under the covers, getting some proper rest, like a nice, responsible girl?”

                        Snorting, Luiza replied “Jule, we both know who is the nice and responsible half of this relationship and it sure ain’t me.”

Keep reading

Arya’s Early Training

CIn the later books we can see how much Syrio has influenced Arya and prepared her for her trainings in the House of Black and White. Now we don’t know for sure whether it’s Bravos style of training, or Syrio had at some point recieved proper FM trainings.

Fighting Blind

The man Syrio Forel had come with an excellent reputation, and his flamboyant Braavosi style was well suited to Arya’s slender blade, yet still … a few days ago, she had been wandering around with a swatch of black silk tied over her eyes. Syrio was teaching her to see with her ears and her nose and her skin, she told him. Before that, he had her doing spins and back flips. “Arya, are you certain you want to persist in this?”

- Ned, AGoT 

Syrio, if not intentionally, has been preparing Arya for her future trainings as FM. Now we don’t know for sure, but either Syrio was familiar with the ways of FM, or training with ‘ears and nose and skin’ is common in Braavos.

Cats

When she’d run to him with her hands bleeding, he had said, “So slow? Be quicker, girl. Your enemies will give you more than scratches.” He had dabbed her wounds with Myrish fire, which burned so bad she had had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. Then he sent her out after more cats.  

- Arya, AGoT

One of the most important themes of Arya’s training with Syrio are cats. The bond she makes with cats through AGoT is later fully painted in her role as Cat of the Canals and her warging into cats while blind.

Lying

 Syrio stepped back. “You are dead now.”
Arya made a face. “You cheated,” she said hotly. “You said left and you went right.
“Just so. And now you are a dead girl.”
“But you lied!”
My words lied. My eyes and my arm shouted out the truth, but you were not seeing.”

- Arya IV, AGoT

Before her training, Arya was naive and innocent, but Syrio so directly lies to her face, something no other adult would do. The Lying Game she later plays with the waif is a part of FM trainings.

Seeing

Two of the guardsmen were dicing together while the third walked rounds, his hand on the pommel of his sword. Ashamed to let them see her crying like a baby, she stopped to rub at her eyes. Her eyes her eyes her eyes, why did …    Look with your eyes, she heard Syrio whisper.
Arya looked. She knew all of her father’s men. The three in the grey cloaks were strangers. “You,” the one walking rounds called out. “What do you want here, boy?” The other two looked up from their dice.

- Arya, AGoT

Observation is an important part of the FM cult, Arya is sent to the streets of Braavos to observe people, she learns from her observations and reports back to the kindly man. Also she is taught to read people’s faces to see whether they’re telling the truth.

Balance & Movements

Many of her other duties had remained the same, but as she went about them she stumbled over furnishings, walked into walls, dropped trays, got hopelessly helplessly lost inside the temple. Once she almost fell headlong down the steps, but Syrio Forel had taught her balance in another lifetime, when she was the girl called Arya, and somehow she recovered and caught herself in time

- The Blind Girl, ADwD

Those three came most often, but there were others: the squinter, the lordling, the starved man. One time the fat fellow and the squinter came together. Umma sent Arya to pour for them. “When you are not pouring, you must stand as still as if you had been carved of stone,” the kindly man told her. “Can you do that?”
“Yes.“ Before you can learn to move you must learn to be still, Syrio Forel had taught her long ago at King’s Landing, and she had. She had served as Roose Bolton’s cupbearer at Harrenhal, and he would flay you if you spilled his wine.  

- Arya II, AFfC

Arya is given the trait of balance from the very start, but here we see how it has worked to her benefit. Her swiftness that Syrio has taught her later comes in handy when she serves Bolton and then the FM.