the spiel

so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing 

and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know

but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno

except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer 

a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“yeah,” i say.

there’s some mutually-confused silence.

“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”

“oh,” says telemarketer guy.

“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.

Und wenn du das alles wirklich nie ernst gemeint hast, wieso hast du dann Dinge gesagt, die mir Hoffnung gegeben haben? Wieso hast du mir gesagt, dass du so etwas noch nie hattest? Wieso hast du so mit mir gespielt, wenn du wusstest, dass ich Gefühle hatte? Wieso hast du mir das angetan, obwohl du wusstest, wie sehr ich schon verletzt war? Wieso hast du mir den Rest gegeben?

oh my god last thing i swear but something else I love is how fucking dramatic and Extra™ the Starklings all are. 

Jon is just out there clanging the bells, doing his whole speech any time someone even remotely mentions “winter”. “It’s a little chilly in here” everyone within a 5 mile radius groans because then comes Jon Snow bounding into the room like “heard you were cold. It may be because it’s winter. Winter is here. The long night is coming. The darkness is coming for us all. Enemies surround us,” he really might as well start wearing an apocalypse sign and invest in a megaphone 

And then Sansa???? Homegirl really pulls out Arya and makes a big deal of making it looking like she’s gonna kill her and then she pauses and goes “Lord Baelish” I bet she mentally thought “fuck yeah” when she saw his face she deserves like 10 Oscars for playing him girl’s been planning his death ever since he sold her out to the Boltons lmao 

And A r y a lmao look at her going really big into Creep Mode to fool Baelish too. “Hey Arya we kind of need to figure out how to trick Baelish maybe we can-” “Say no more I’ll threaten you in private, want me to caress your face with a knife or something?” “well you don’t need to be so hardcore about it maybe just-” “no, no, anyway, go to my room tonight and look into my bag that totally doesn’t have faces in it, wink wink.” And even besides that we got our girl being such a grudge holder that she repeats her list of names to kill each night and tells the people she wants to kill that they’re on her list 

And hooooooooooooooo my god Bran. At this point I’m just headcanoning that he’s intentionally fucking with people. Gives Arya the dagger and doesn’t tell her what to do with it yet because he lives for the #drama of it all. He sets the drama in motion, takes time out of his day to interrupt conversations with random receipts just to watch people freak the fuck out, will have a 30 minute spiel on how he can see literally everything only to go “lol nah man chill i just googled it” when someone asks how he knew something 

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: It annoys me when Jekyll's described as the 'good one' as opposed to the 'evil one' in the Jekyll and Hyde relationship. Jekyll’s not a monster, but he’s definitely no saint. The whole POINT of the drug he made was to create an outlet for all the less savory tendencies that he wanted to experience, but can’t as a respectable man of high society. Hyde isn’t Jekyll’s literal opposite, he’s a personification of all the lusts and desires that Jekyll felt, as a gentleman, he couldn’t express, like indulging in prostitution and murder. Hyde is Jekyll’s every dark desire made flesh. Plus, I should point out that ‘good one’ Henry Jekyll keeps taking the drug, EVEN AFTER HYDE SAVAGELY TRAMPLES ALL OVER A LITTLE GIRL AND HAS TO PAY BLOOD MONEY TO HER FAMILY TO PREVENT THE LAW COMING AFTER HIM. Jekyll gets a thrill out of Hyde’s illicit activities. He essentially does it all for shits and giggles. We don't even know a QUARTER of the stuff he gets up to as Hyde. Even after he gets scared by turning into Hyde while asleep, he returns to the rush of the drug only a few months later. He knows full well he might hurt someone else - but that doesn’t matter, he can simply change back to Jekyll, no harm done to his social life! He only stops taking the drug for pleasure altogether when Hyde gets into serious trouble by murdering Sir Danvers Carew, and has to flee back to his other personality to escape repercussion. I sympathize with Henry Jekyll, he might even be a relatively decent man, but he's not the 'good' one. Never the 'good' one.
a friend like mine

 Summary: A discussion about a break up leads to….interesting revelations. || Sebastian x Reader || part 1 of 2

Warnings: discussion of kinks, [in the second part] —> smut and all that entails, thigh riding, choking, some other stuff but i’ll put it in the warnings for the next one

Note: :))))

Originally posted by buckynsebimagines

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Everything Has Changed (Part One)

Summary: In which everything changes when you discover Bucky’s true feelings for you in a very unconventional manner.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,880

A/N: The goal is to make this a mini-series. Fingers crossed that it stays that way. 

Originally posted by caps-bucky

“All clear,” you whisper. For anyone else, those words would’ve been indiscernible because of how softly they were spoken. Luckily for you, you’re not with just anyone. You’re with a super soldier equipped with enhanced hearing.

From across the empty hallway, Bucky abandons his spot behind a tall filing cabinet and runs towards you, keeping his gun up and ready to shoot at any given moment.

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Free The Animal

Word Count: 6k

Genre: Smut, Angst (will I ever stop being emo?)

Author’s Note: You ever forget that you’re a fanfic writer then you write a fic so bad you remember how much of a hack you are? Yeah welcome to my fic :’D

dom!jungkook- fuckboi!jungkook- fuckbuddy relationship- dirty talk- thigh riding mention because damn even I am not immune to his thighs- inspired by Sia’s song and part of the song drabble game. You can find links to the rest of them on my masterlist

Loving You To Death (Sequel)

There he was with his hands up some girl’s skirt, grinding on her like he was trying to fuck her through their clothes, the fucking pig. You huff and turn to your friend who gives you an exasperated look, “___, just go and grab him by the dick and tell him he can’t fucking do that.”

“He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do, even if that is a bleach blonde bitch with a tan that makes her look like an Oompa Loompa.” That was pretty low, you admit. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that Jungkook had chosen her for the night. But seriously, there was a limit to tanning, this was just harmful to the eyes.

“No, he can’t because you’re together.” Your friend, Hwasa, sounds pretty fed up with you.

“No, we’re not. We’re just fuck buddies and we agreed that we’re not exclusive right from the start.” Why wasn’t she understanding this? You’d explained it to her a thousand times.

“I don’t care what bullshit you told each other. All I care about is what I see, and that is two idiots constantly doing all they can to piss each other off because they can’t communicate like adults.”

“What are you even talking about? Jungkook is not trying to piss me off. He’s just being himself. Which is admittedly annoying in and of itself but you know…”

“Then why did he do nothing the past three days but play video games while you were off galavanting with Jin, only to start making out with some girl the minute you make an appearance?”

“He did?” You asked surprised, only to check yourself back and shrug it off. “I don’t know, he must have just not felt like it.”

“Oh my god, save me from these two idiots.” Hwasa cries then takes you by the shoulder and starts shaking you, “He’s fucking jealous because you took Jin to meet your family and not him so he’s trying to piss you off. Why? Because he likes you. And you’re pissed off. Why? Because you like him. Now can you get that through your thick skull or do I have to beat it into you?”

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