the sleep of sorrow and the dream of joy

There Is Life by Alison Krauss

Under the snow, beneath the frozen streams
There is life
You’ll have to know when nature sleeps she dreams
There is life

And the colder the winter, the warmer the spring
The deeper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing
Even when you can’t see it inside everything
There is life

After the rain the sun will reappear
There is life
After the pain the joy will still be here
There is life

For it’s out of the darkness that we learn to see
And out of the silence that songs come to be
And all that we dream of awaits patently
There is life, there is life

submitted by anonymous, for “no particular reason, besides it having deer and relating to Gelel (nature, life)”

anonymous asked:

Hey I don't know if you've already done this but could you pretty please rec some fics with infidelity between draco and harry, if you know any? I'm always a slut for angst and make up sex. :D

Infidelity isn’t something i read often, but i can rec,

Blueprints for a Dream by Frayach (24k)
Harry breaks Draco’s heart, but that doesn’t mean Draco’s going to let him go without a fight.

Better Left Dead by calrissian18 (6k)
A love story and a half.

Says the Magpie to the Morning (Sorrow Take Your Own Advice) by @femmequixotic (15k)
It’s terribly bad form, sleeping with your ex when you’re still half in love with the bastard.

Let’s Dance To Joy Division by @femmequixotic (12k)
Let the love tear us apart, I’ve found a cure for a broken heart…

A Broken but Happy Sound by thusspakekate (7k)
Sometimes we do terrible things for no reason. Other times, we have terrible reasons.

He Dreams in Monochrome by Furiosity (5k)
The line between love and possession is so vague that no one knows where it cuts deepest.

A Rose In the Garden by Kedavranox (3k)
Draco faces the consequences.

Unkissed Kisses and Songs Never Sung by @femmequixotic (12k)
I sit silently in the shadows, staring at the tiny, pulsing ball of light that tells me my Harry’s still alive.

There are also these with perceived infidelity, but it ends up not being true,

Packing the Flat by marguerite_26 (6k)
Months after their explosive break-up, Draco insists Harry return to their flat to remove his belongings.

Fall to Grace by cylsus (5k)
It’s been three weeks since Harry and Draco broke up. Clearly, they should want nothing to do with each other, but being Auror partners makes that just a tad bit difficult.

And I Know the Spark by Firethesound (15k)
All Draco cares about is keeping Potter alive, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

Still Burning - Suga (BTS Scenario)

Requested by anon

suga scenario where your both idols but break up becaus ARMYs were sending u death threats, and u been harassed lately and when u were doing a practice run with your band for comeback stage you fainted(infront of fans too) angst then fluff please :3

(sorry for taking so long with this!)

characters: you x Suga

genre: angst/fluff

rating: E

word count: 2,892

_____________

Yoongi..

The world in front of you was warm and romantic, yet something inside of you felt so tormenting and you knew you had to let it out.

You know what’s been going on lately, don’t you?

With all of my fans?

You made a small sigh, “yeah… that… I don’t know how much longer I can hang onto this, onto us. They’ve..” you scoffed, “they’ve started to get even more out of control, giving me death threats and telling me to go and kill myself and–” you couldn’t hold back your tears any longer and let them drop free onto your warm face.

Yoongi said nothing and only held you to himself, letting you cry into his chest and wetting his favorite shirt you bought him as his ears heard disappointment and his heart felt brokenness.

I’m just so scared Yoongi, I don’t know what to do anymore.

He only replied back with silence, keeping you close to him as he kissed your head with comfort.

You didn’t understand why his fans were so reckless with your well-being; you were already barely getting enough sleep from staying up at night, stressing at how they harass via social media. Now they were telling you that you weren’t worth anything? That you were just using Suga only for publicity?

You don’t love him! I love him more than you do!

Why did it have to be a competition for the love of your life?

The longer you laid against Yoongi’s chest, the more you felt his heartbeat relax you. You always hated it when you cried, especially in front of your boyfriend.

I.. I can’t do this anymore..

Suga held you up by the arms and looked deeply at your quivering body, “what do you mean?

I.. I don’t know.. I can’t take this pain anymore.

_____, you’re better than this. You don’t need to listen to those kinds of people. If they were really my fans then they wouldn’t treat you like this.

That’s not going to stop them, you know that.

Finally, you looked up at your dear love and prayed to the heavens that this pain would end.

I…” you sighed a shaky and heavy breath, “I think we should break up..”

_____, no. We shouldn’t. We don’t have to.

I can’t eat or sleep anymore Yoongi! I don’t remember the last time I really smiled ever since those kinds of people came into my life. One time when I was at the store alone, a couple of fans started throwing things at me and said that you didn’t really love me.

Who are they to tell you how I feel? They don’t know me like that, they don’t know us like that. They’re just a bunch of liars don’t you see?” he sighed loudly, ‘we don’t need to break up _____. We can do this.

What else can we do Yoongi?! I’ve been getting gifts from your fans that are really just weapons when I open them up. I don’t trust anyone anymore, I can’t. Please.. Min Yoongi. Please end things with me. I can’t suffer like this any longer.

He pulled you in for another hug, holding you tight, never wanting to let you go. He then cupped your face and kissed you lovingly. When he looked up at your empty expression, tears were running down his eyes as his voice began to break, “I will still love you no matter what happens.

And that’s the day your world fell apart.

~~

Keep reading

A little Shakespeare music for his birthday

To celebrate the Bard’s birthday I am sharing my first Shakespeare playlist, a mix of spoken word, Elizabethan songwriting and contemporary score. The Spotify link is HERE, and here’s what you will find on it…
 

1.  Judi Dench – ‘These Are The Forgeries…’ from A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Judi brings her husky authority to Titania’s speech grieving the feud with Oberon and the disarray it leaves behind in nature.
 
2.  Julian Bream – Queen Elizabeth’s Galliard by John Dowland
400-year-old classical guitar ode to Good Queen Bess.
 
3. Choeur de Chambre de Namur – Ingressus: Cantate Dominum
Uplifting church horns from Rogier, under-appreciated Flemish composer and almost exact contemporary of Shakespeare.
 
4.  Dame Janet Baker/Martin Isepp/Ambrose Gauntlett/Douglas Whittaker – ‘Where the bee sucks…’
Ariel’s poem from The Tempest set to a spritely pastoral theme with Dame Janet’s impossibly precise phrasing bouncing about like the magical bee itself.
 
5.  Jordi Savall – Lachrimae Antiquae by John Dowland
Neither are teares shed always in sorrow but sometime in joy and gladnesse” wrote Dowland in the 1604 dedication for his lute and violin delight.
 
6.  Benjamin Britten: A Midsummer Night’s Dream / Act 2 - “On the Ground, Sleep Sound
The dream begins in Britten’s opera, premiered in 1960 and musically looted ever since.
 
7.  David Munrow –Madrigal (Di novo é giunto)
This list would be incomplete without a madrigal, this one is a twenty-first century creation from music historian and musician David Munrow for lute.
 
8.  I Fagiolini – Extraliturgical Motet: In ecclesiis by Giovanni Gabrieli
A grand early-Baroque finale piece written for an Italian holy festival in the last years of Shakespeare’s life.
 
9.  Carlo Gesualdo – O Vos Omnes
‘O all you who walk by on the road, pay attention and see if there be any sorrow like my sorrow…’ Beautiful five-voice responsory written the year Elizabeth died, but Catholic of course, so no more mourning for her here…
 
10.  Hespèrion XX, Jordi Savall – Paavin Of Albarti (Alberti)
A ‘consort’ or ensemble piece that may have soundtracked all manner of art and machinations from Shakespeare’s royal court…
 
11.  Samuel Coleridge-Taylor – Othello, Op. 79: II. Children’s Intermezzo
More British opera, a piece by our greatest black composer on Shakespeare’s noble Moor.
 
12.Provofiev/London Symphony Orchestra/André Previn – Romeo and Juliet, Op.64, Act I: Dance of the Knights
Originally considered too difficult to choreograph, here is the bombastic soundtrack to the Capulet’s Ball you know and love from the great Russian ballet, a triumphant version from the LSO and André Previn.
 
13.  Nick Ingman – The End  (Instrumental) from Shakespeare In Love
Sad sad closing piece from an Oscar-winning score. ‘You will never age for me, nor fade, nor die…’
 
14.  Paul Rogers – John of Gaunt’s Death Speech from Richard II
‘This little world, this precious stone, set in a silver sea…’ John’s goodbye, and tribute to England, from a master Shakespearean, to see us out.

Lost Letters - Four

|| Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight

TXF |MSR | Revival - Post Home Again | Angst | PG | 4/8


The skeleton staff in the evidence lab smell strongly of eggnogg when Mulder rushes in. It takes him twice as long as normal to explain to them what he needs, to authorise the necessary paperwork, and that delay costs him a crucial ten minutes. By the time he reaches the parking lot at Our Lady of Sorrows, there is no sign of Scully’s car, her departure confirmed by the sister in charge of the pediatric wing when he rushes in to be sure. Mulder sags a little against the desk and as he does he catches sight of her familiar handwriting, looping easily across a patient chart, anchoring her to this place, to this world, reminding him that though she may be lost in the greater sense, Scully is still real, still within reach. A few minutes ago she signed that sheet, stood at this desk rotating one ankle at a time after ten hours on her feet. Scully had breathed this hospital air, and that realisation is enough to banish the ghostly version of her that has been chasing Mulder since Bill’s call.

There is still much to fear and more to do but the knot of worry in Mulder’s chest loosens enough that he leaves the hospital at a brisk walk instead of a desperate run.

The beltway traffic provides more space, time in which Mulder realises that arriving at Scully’s work and demanding she eat a sandwich in front of him would likely only have pushed her further away. Helping Scully is about as easy as cutting down brambles, rush in unprepared and you are more likely to end up with a fistful of thorns than recover what once flourished underneath.

He’s come up with half a plan when he arrives outside her apartment for a second time. He can use an almost truth, tell her Bill called, let her deception slide and offer to take her for dinner, no blame, no explanations just time, company and maybe a step towards healing.

But her car is not parked outside and the doorman shakes his head when Mulder approaches.

The knot begins to tighten again as he belts up fast enough for the nylon to burn his neck and heads to the only other place he can imagine her going.

Keep reading

what do you think you live for?

I live in and for the idea that the person I am, and the things I will do will affect someone else in a real way. 

whats your favorite month? 

I honestly couldn’t pick one. 

if you could go straight/gay/like someone you wouldn’t normally think of liking, who would it be (famous person)? 

Interesting, hmmm. I rather fancy Rebecca Hall.

perfect day?

Writing, reading, bon fire, cooking dinner beside my mother, a night surround by people (or a person) who make(s) me laugh and smile, and I make them laugh and smile as well. Dancing. Running around yipping, shouting and reciting playful phrases, dialogue or proverbs. 

who would you want to play you in your biographical movie?

Greta Gerwig

what was your most treasured memory?

I have many. Many many many. 

do you cry easily/often?

Yes, I am very much susceptible to shedding tears of joy and sorrow. 

if you could only save one thing in your house/life what would it be?

My pets. 

do you believe in the supernatural? 

I believe in the supremely fantastic. 

do you have a lot of dreams when you sleep?

Not of late. 

..whats the worst thing you ever done?

well, I wouldn’t very well tell you. 

whats your favorite condiment? 

Salt

have you ever been in love? tell me about one of the times.

No. Maybe. Probably. Yes, but it was the type of love that exists only so long as you don’t look at reality. 

would you ever date someone a lot older/younger than you?

I’ve dated 12 years my senior. And only 2 years my junior. 

whats the craziest story thats happened to you?

I have several, if you ever buy me a drink, I’ll share one. 

who is your favorite family member/friend?

Now that’s just not fair. No, wait. Cooper, my parent’s Jack Russell. Yes. Him. 

have you ever gotten into a fist fight?

Yes. I punched my sister in the chin when I was a child and then promptly burst into tears. However, I have been tempted to throw a punch since then, and I wouldn’t have cried. 

which would you choose if you had to choose between joining the army, navy or air force? 

Air Force

what are your alter egos like?

A little rougher around the edges. 

have you ever known someone that you really thought you could marry?

No. Not in the realistic “I’m going to grow old and take care of you, sickness and health” way or the “I can spend the rest of my life loving you and only you” way. 

do you fall for people easily?

No. I stumble a bit, then right myself. Fall? Nope. It takes a bit. 

How did you get one of your scars? 

Baking bread. 

fav flavor ice cream?

I haven’t ever had ice cream. Nor will I. 

tell me about a crush past or present?

I have a pretty big crush on @thecountryfucker. But, who doesn’t? 

The novelist’s happy discovery was to think of substituting for those opaque sections, impenetrable by the human spirit, their equivalent in immaterial sections, things, that is, which the spirit can assimilate to itself. After which it matters not that the actions, the feelings of this new order of creatures appear to us in the guise of truth, since we have made them our own, since it is in ourselves that they are happening, that they are holding in thrall, while we turn over, feverishly, the pages of the book, our quickened breath and staring eyes. And once the novelist has brought us to that state, in which, as in all purely mental states, every emotion is multiplied ten-fold, into which his book comes to disturb us as might a dream, but a dream more lucid, and of a more lasting impression than those which come to us in sleep; why, then, for the space of an hour he sets free within us all the joys and sorrows in the world, a few of which, only, we should have to spend years of our actual life in getting to know, and the keenest, the most intense of which would never have been revealed to us because the slow course of their development stops our perception of them.
—  Marcel Proust, Swann’s Way
NEW EMOTIONS. A CASTIEL IMAGINE

 ’NEW EMOTIONS’
*CASTIELS POV* I was in the Impala after a hunt with the three Winchesters. Dean and Sam were sitting in the front seat while y/n was in the back with me. She had fallen asleep, her head leaning against the window. I laughed quietly, moving her limp body so she leaned against me instead of the cold window. Doing this earned a raised eyebrow from not only Dean but Sam also. I looked to her sleeping face, wondering what she was dreaming about. What was it about this human that made me get an emotion that I had never had before? Not only have I never felt the emotion before but I couldn’t even pinpoint what it was. It involved anger but also happiness. Joy yet sorrow. Overwhelming yet simple. Fierce protectiveness and an intense desire to see her smile. Confusion roared through my veins as I tried to pinpoint this new emotion. I didn’t get it, no other humans have ever made me feel like this. My thoughts were interrupted when y/n let out a soft sound, yawning, snuggling to me even closer and my insides felt that they were on fire at her touch. Dean finally pulled into the new motel in a new setting for the next hunt. New Orleans. Dean shut off the Impala and left to go check in. As soon as Dean was out of sight Sam turned to me. “Are you feeling alright, Cas?” He asked from the front seat. I looked away from y/n’s peaceful face and looked to Sam. “Yes of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I questioned back and he shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just that you have been acting differently lately. Not in a bad way, you seem a little bit more human, but I guess it’s just my imagination.” He turned to look out the windshield once more. Dean returned and parked the car in front of the motel room that we would be staying in. Sam grabbed the bags and headed in the room while Dean opened y/n’s door, making a move to pick her up but I beat him to it. “I’ve got her.” I said quickly, but he just looked at me through narrowed eyes as I gathered her in my arms.  I made my way into the motel room and laid the resting girl on top of a bed, pulling the covers over her. It was impressive, a bomb could go off right next to her, and y/n would still not awaken. I chuckled softly then went to go sit in a chair across the room, waiting for the next day to start. *NORMAL POV* I woke up in a motel room. Crap. I must have fallen asleep in the car. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they would only wake me up but in their minds I was still five years old. I sat up and looked around the dingy room finding I was the first awake as per usual, well, excluding Cas. My eyes locked onto his icy blue ones and he dropped a smile from the chair he was sitting in. “Morning.” I greeted, returning his dazzling smile. “Good morning, y/n.” He said quietly. I ran a brush through my hair and got dressed. Once I was ready to face the day, Cas and I headed into town, in this case The French Quarter. This had become mine and Cas’s daily routine, before Sam and Dean would wake up, we would go get breakfast for everyone. What I liked about it, was that I could spend more time with Cas, once you got past the angelic stiffness that seemed to emanate from all of the angels. He was really funny, sweet, and could think for himself. I grabbed some pie for Dean and pancakes for Sam while I got a smoothie, which I persuaded a reluctant Cas into trying. He ended up drinking  more than half of it but I didn’t mind, he was enjoying himself. We were in the Impala making our way to the motel. “What is love?” Castiel asked from the passenger seat, causing me to swiftly swerve the car. Cas looked to me, alarm clear in his big blue eyes. “Sorry.” I mumbled. The question shouldn’t have surprised me that much, he had been asking questions like this for weeks. I pulled over, knowing that the distance between where we were and the motel wasn’t long enough time to answer his question. I turned off the engine as Cas spoke up. “Y/n are you okay? You don’t have to answer my question. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He apologized. “No it’s alright Cas. You just caught me by surprise is all.” I paused before answering his question. “Um. What kind of love are you talking about?” I asked and he shrugged. “What kinds are there?” His eyes watching me intently. “Well, there’s familial love, friendly love, and there’s… Well there’s romantic love.” My voice was trembling slightly but I doubted Cas picked up on it. “I guess I know what familial love is, and friendly love I understand but what about romantic love? What does that make people feel like?” His tone was curious. I took a deep breath. How was I going to explain all this? *CASTIELS POV* Y/n tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and a wild red blush crept up her cheeks as she looked at me with wide eyes. “Well it- it um. It’s hard to explain, but. When you find someone you’re attracted to, not just mentally but,” She paused and her blush deepened. “But physically as well. It can make you feel like you’re on top of the world but it can also make you  feel like crap. It can make you angry and sad and happy and excited. There’s so many undertones to it.  You’ll do anything to protect them, anything to see them happy and smiling. You want to be with them all the time, even when you can’t.” She finished and looked out the front window but I could see something flash in her eyes. “Have you ever loved anyone?” I asked trying to get her to look at me. She sighed, not looking at me. “I love my brothers and I’ve had a few friends.” “What about romantic love?” My voice was somehow off. Y/n finally looked to me, her eyes locking onto mine. “I’ve only loved one guy in my life.” Blush once again spread across her expression. “What happened?” I was unable to stop myself from asking. “He can’t love me back.” She replied simply. “How long did it take for you to get over him?” “You don’t fall out of love, Cas. You just pray that it gets less painful each day. Until you can find someone you can love again.” The pain in her eyes was undoubtably there, even to my eyes, so I changed the subject. “Are you going on a hunt while Sam and Dean are on their case?” She laughed. “Of course. They will be out in the bayou hunting demons while I’ll be in the French Quarter with vampires.” John Winchester didn’t allow his daughter to participate in hunting. So when she was sixteen she started sneaking out and hunting on her own, taking cases that fell under the others radar. When her dad died, Sam and Dean wouldn’t let her hunt either, no matter how much she begged. I chuckled. “How did you figure out what they’re hunting? They don’t even know yet, let alone where.” I marveled. “It’s pretty obvious. I just think that they like dressing up in the costumes.” Y/n laughed and I couldn’t help but join her. Once our giggles died down she started the engine and we made our way back to the motel. “Can I go with you?” I knew full well that I couldn’t talk her out of it. Y/n smiled. “That would be great Cas.” *NORMAL POV* We wereambushed. I had gotten it wrong, these weren’t the vampires, these were the demons. All forty of them.  Cas and I did our best fighting them off but it seemed like if we cut one down two more would appear. “Y/N!” Cas yelled and raced towards me but the scene around me disappeared along with Cas. *CASTIELS POV*  I was too slow. A demon wrapped his arms around her and evaporated into thin air. I tried to follow them but the son of a bitch already had angel wards with him. I was surprised that I had thought those words, but glad that they came to mind. It was time to do the thing I was dreading.Getting help from Sam and Dean. I went back to the motel room, Sam was sitting on a bed with his laptop and Dean was watching tv. *SAMS POV* Cas burst through the door, his hair tousled and his eyes wide.  Dean and I jumped up immediately, mostly because our sister was no where in sight. “Cas, what’s going on, where’s y/n?” Dean asked, panic clear on his face. Cas took a deep breath before responding. “I took y/n on a hunt for vampires but they turned out to be demons. There was too many for us to handle, they took her. They took her.” The words spilled out of Cas so quickly that I could barely understand him. I looked over to Dean, who looked like he was about to strangle the angel. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING TAKING HER ON A HUNT?!” Dean yelled and I stepped in between them, trying to keep Castiel alive long enough to find y/n. “Enough, Dean. Kill him after we find her.” I threw a dirty look in Cas’s direction. “Do you have any idea where she is?” I asked and he stopped and thought about it for a moment, before his eyes widened. “The bayou, she- I mean, I figured out where the demons were supposed to be, maybe she’s there.” He looked so sad. Dean got in his face but I kept a hand open in case I had to pull him off of Cas. “You better hope she is okay.” He brushed past Cas causing him to stumble back slightly and he looked to me “I’m sorry Sam. I didn’t mean-” I cut him off. “Let’s just go.” I followed Dean out to the car.  *NORMAL POV* The demon dropped me to the floor of an old cabin room and I rolled out into a crouch. I jumped up and rushed him but my attack was short lived. I felt a cold burning sensation run through me, the demon had run a blade through my chest and I could already see the blood swirling up to my shirt. My eyes widened as I collapsed to the floor. He chuckled, “Goodnight little hunter.” Then he disappeared, leaving me alone. I should be worried about how much blood I was loosing but all I could think about was if Cas was alright and prayed that he would be. I gripped the daggers handle and yanked it out of my chest, biting my lip so I wouldn’t scream. I threw it against the ground and it skidded across the room. Hitting against the wooden wall. Damn, I was going to use that. I thought about getting up but I was just so… Tired. My eyelids were heavy and they started to drop. I could feel my heartbeat slowing as my breaths came in gasps. The darkness swallowing me. *CASTIELS POV* “Dean, you and Cas take the perimeter, while I go inside and look for y/n.” Sam sighed, after about five minutes of Dean and I arguing about who would go looking for her. We both nodded, Dean still furious with me and Sam headed towards the cabin. I took off heading into the thick woods, making sure there was no demonic interference. Twenty minutes later and I doubled back to the car to see if they had found her yet. As I walked up to the Impala the scene was not what I expected. Not at all. I froze. Sam was sitting on the ground, his extremely long legs pulled up to his face and his arms wrapped around them. His shoulders were making tiny movements and in front of him, laid down on the ground carefully was y/n. My legs propelled me forward before my mind could comprehend what was happening. I dropped to my knees next to her, I reached out to check her pulse but I already knew the answer. Her skin was cold, her lips were pale. My hand came in contact with her neck… No beating of her fragile human heart. The once beautiful rose color of her cheeks were drained and her eyes, the color of which had become my favorite, were shut and sunken, never to open again. No, NOT HER. I have seen death, I have caused death. I have seen my brothers fall and die. But NEVER has a death made me feel so sad, so alone and dead. So heartbroken. Heartbroken?Y/n’s words to me earlier ran through my mind. ‘When you find someone you’re attracted to, not just mentally but… But physically as well. It can make you feel like you’re on top of the world but it can also make you  feel like crap. It can make you angry and sad and happy and excited. There’s so many undertones to it. You’ll do anything to protect them, anything to see them happy and smiling. You want to be with them all the time, even when you can’t.’ I loved y/n. A strange and wonderful feeling, something completely new to me. A feeling that I identified too late. I was too late. I was never going to see her smile again and that terrified me. I scrambled away from her body, taking in gasps. “No, no, no.“ I whispered over and over again, almost silently. Behind my shoulder I heard footsteps but I was too distraught to even glance in the direction or even protect Sam from it. "Y/n?” I heard Dean whisper. “Y/N!” He ran over to his sister’s lifeless body. *DEANS POV* Hollowness spread through my body as I looked at her face. The empty shell of my sister. Sam was against the Impala, his face buried in his knees. “This is your fault.” I whispered and turned to Cas. There was no description for his expression, his eyes glued to y/n’s pale and cold face. He didn’t say a word. “YOUR FAULT!” I walked over to him, his gaze was still on y/n. I reached down, picking him up by the collar of his trench coat. “LISTEN TO ME!” I screeched but he was still gaping at y/n. I pushed him until she was out of sight, once she was out of his view he focused his gaze to me. I pushed him once more and he stumbled back. “THERE WAS A REASON WE DIDN’T LET HER BECOME A HUNTER! THERE WAS A FUCKING REASON!” I started in on him. *SAMS POV* I heard Dean yelling at Cas and I decided to go over to them.  I had lost one sibling today and I didn’t feel like losing another due to Dean pissing off an angel that could rip him a new one. I rounded the corner and saw Cas looking to the ground as Dean was fuming, looking like he, himself wanted to die. “WE DIDN’T WANT HER TO END UP LIKE THE REST OF OUR FAMILY! DEAD! Y/N IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU DID THIS! YOU TOOK MY SISTER AWAY FROM ME AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS STAND THERE! YOU CAN’T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYES! ITS BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” Dean started pacing back and forth running his hands through his hair, letting a few tears escape. I didn’t think he noticed that I was there. Ten minutes of silence and Cas finally spoke up, but it was so low that I could barely make out what he said. “No.” Dean stopped pacing. “What?” He asked. Cas looked like he had just found some courage. “I SAID NO. THIS ISN’T MY FAULT. IT’S YOURS.” Cas’s voice was quaking but he didn’t give up any ground. “HOW IS IT MY FAULT?!” “NOT JUST YOURS DEAN, YOUR DAD AND SAM ARE TO BLAME AS WELL. SHE WAS SO DESPERATE TO HAVE HER FREEDOM, TO DO WHAT SHE WANTED, THAT SHE JUMPED AT THE FIRST CHANCE TO GET SOME.” He answered back in a gruff voice. “WE DID THAT TO PROTECT HER CAS! WE WOULD- WOULD’VE DONE ANYTHING TO PROTECT OUR SISTER! ANYTHING!” He defended, obviously offended by the angel’s words. “HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!” Cas’s voice rose to a loud shouting. “I LOVED HER AND I COULDN’T EVEN SAVE HER!” He was red in the face. “WHAT?!” Dean and I both shouted at the same time. The difference was that I stood frozen but Dean had a different thought in mind. He lunged for Cas, a murderous look on his face. I ran over and started to try to pull them away from each other. *CASTIELS POV*  It was about ten minutes of Sam trying to calm me and Dean down when a voice interrupted us.”What the hell are you idiots doing?!” All three of us stopped immediately and looked towards it’s owner. Y/n was standing there, clearly alive, but I had to make sure. “Y/n?” Sam whispered taking a step forward but I rushed past him. *NORMAL POV* Cas wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I looked to Sam and Dean who had strange looks on their faces. “What the hell did you guys do to him?” I scolded but before they had a chance to answer, Cas lifted his face and his icy blue eyes burned into mine, his hand flew up to cradle my cheek. His lips came crashing down to mine, clumsily, desperately. My arms immediately locked around his neck, pulling him closer to me. To my disappointment he pulled away, a tear running down his cheek. I reached up and wiped the tear away. “You’re crying. Are you okay Cas?” I asked surprised, I didn’t think he could cry. He opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. So once again I turned to my brothers. “Did you break Cas?” I raised an eyebrow but they didn’t answer me either. “What the hell is going on?! Y’all look like you just seen a ghost.” Sam finally ran over to us and pried me from Castiel’s ironclad grip then wrapped his gigantic arms around me. Giving me a bear-hug that choked the living shit out of me. “You were dead.” Sam whimpered in my ear. “What?” “You were dead.” Cas said softly from behind me. Once they realized that the last memory I had was being ambushed by demons with Cas they filled me in on everything and I had to admit to my brothers that I had been hunting this entire time to keep Dean from strangling Cas again. My brothers tried to drag me to the car but I convinced them to give me a few moments alone with the angel. *CASTIELS POV* Dean and Sam disappeared, leaving me alone with y/n. “So…” She started. “Why didn’t you just tell them it was me who planned the hunt?” “Because it was your secret to tell.” I stated simply and she smiled. A smile that I thought I would never get the pleasure to witness again. “Thank you for keeping my secret, even though in the end they found out. Even so, thank you. It means a lot to me. It shows that I can trust you.” Scarlet crept up her cheeks, how had I taken her beauty for granted? I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Please don’t ever leave again. That was the worst few hours of my existence.” “Were Sam and Dean really that bad?” I chuckled at her expression. “No it’s not that. I love you y/n and I have never experienced anything like it. It felt like I had died along with you.” I confessed and surprise danced across her face. “You… Love me?” She choked out and I kissed her forehead quickly. “Very much so. That’s why I have been asking so many questions lately. My feelings for you have been growing and I couldn’t identify them. But when I saw you lying on the ground, cold and devoid of life, your words about what love was ran through my mind and… I knew. I knew that you meant the world to me and how horribly distraught I was at the worlds demise.” I started to ramble but y/n pressed her soft lips to mine. “I love you too, Cas. Have since day one.” She blushed once again as she smiled and I leaned down, kissing her. My hand cupped the back of her neck and I pulled her closer to me. *DEANS POV* “I’m gonna kill Cas.” I muttered over to Sam. We were sitting on the hood of the Impala. Cas was probably defiling my sister as we spoke. “You can’t.” Sam replied and I looked over to him unbelieving. “And why not?” I asked, he chuckled. “He makes her happy. Who would we be if we took that away from her?” I jumped off of the Impala’s hood and started to head towards my sister. “Where are you going?” Sam called after me. “Just because he makes her happy doesn’t mean I have to like it.” I muttered and Sam started laughing. “Whatever, dude. But be warned, y/n is a lot stronger than we gave her credit for. She is a hunter.” I waved him off and left. I walked over to where we left them, only to find them in a passionate embrace. Kissing. I cleared my throat but they didn’t notice I was there. “Okay, that’s enough. Quit violating my sister, Castiel.” This time they heard me and they sprung apart but y/n was still looking at him with a gleam in her eyes, the ones she inherited from mom, along with me. She smiled widely and pecked his cheek, intertwining her hand with his. She wasn’t the only one alight. Cas was grinning ear to ear, something I had never seen him do before. I don’t think I have ever seen her so happy. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. “Come on. Let’s get back to the motel. You’ve got training to catch up on.” I said and her eyes widened. “Seriously! You’re gonna let me hunt?!” She asked excitedly and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “On one condition… No more hunting alone. We don’t want another repeat of tonight.” I smiled and she ran over to me, nearly tackling me to the ground with a hug. “Thanks Dean.” She smiled back at me with the dimples she inherited from dad and Sam. “At least I’ve died less times than you have, Dean.” Y/n laughed. “Now, see, why did you have to ruin the moment?” I asked. “Because I’m a Winchester.” Yes she was.