• The good are never easy: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn
  • The easy never good: Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra
  • Love it never happens like you think it really should: Cancer, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces
What the signs fall in love with
  • Aries: passion, caring, sharing things, darkness, stability, mutual feelings
  • Taurus: honesty, common interests, passionate and meaningful conversations
  • Gemini: deep talks, stargazing, feeling special, make out sessions
  • Cancer: honesty, emotional trust, pretty eyes, loyalty, sweetness
  • Leo: confidence, uniqueness, cute laughs, night drives,
  • Virgo: communication, intellect, sensitivity, quality time, aesthetical prettiness
  • Libra: playfulness, closeness, caring words, keeping promises, adoration
  • Scorpio: mysteries, passionate kisses, inside jokes, intense staring, good humor
  • Sagittarius: freedom, late nights, good smells, cute smiles, small talk
  • Capricorn: faithfulness, happiness, dancing, passion, hard working people
  • Aquarius: breaking rules, laughs, mind connections, softness
  • Pisces: affection, coziness, observant minds, inside jokes, organization
the signs as fake quotes my weird cousin has attributed to famous authors

aries: as oscar Wilde once famously said, ‘fuck men’

taurus: i believe it was percy shelley who wrote ‘why cry over spilled milk when instead u could cry over everything

gemini: you can lead a horse to water, but u can’t make the horse drink that fucking water if it wants vodka instead. sun tzu said that.

cancer: y’know, steinbeck once screamed ‘death to capitalism’ while setting himself on fire, and i couldn’t agree more.

leo: i was trying to think of a hemingway quote, but thankfully i just remembered that i don’t give a shit about hemingway

virgo: Flintstone vitamins are for losers. William shakespeare.

libra: did you know that that nicki minaj took the lyrics “i beez in the trap” straight from jane austen’s iconic 1813 novel pride and Prejudice?

scorpio: maya angelou actually invented the acronym NSFW, did u know that? 'Not Safe From Whites’. they’re coming

sagittarius: the most inspirational thing walt whitman ever said was ‘dance like nobody’s watching’ that man was a poet

capricorn: ‘be there or be…gay! lol jk don’t be gay’ ~ the bible, chapter 5 verse 17

aquarius: honey, as Faulkner said once, ‘eat shit mark twain’. words to live by

pisces: nietzsche once said that dante was a ‘hyena that wrote poetry on tombs’ and i’m not making that shit up because nothing is funnier than that

The Signs as Walking Contradictions

Aries- Aggressive but passive

Taurus- Reasonable but uncompromising

Gemini- Honest but deceitful

Cancer- Trusting but suspicious 

Leo- Brave but scared

Virgo- Focused but scatterbrained

Libra- Intelligent but dumb

Scorpio- Sexual but conservative

Sagittarius- Perfectionistic but sloppy

Capricorn- Hardworking but lazy

Aquarius- Imaginative but jaded

 Pisces- Reliable but flaky

Things the signs love

Aries: To feel wanted. Baby animals (especially kittens). Corny gifts. Stability. Forehead kisses. Red lipstick. Deep and meaningful conversations. Vodka. Mutual feelings. Drunk texts. Holding hands. Hot showers. Comedy movies. Someone that will make them better as a person. 

Taurus: Traveling. Roller coasters. Commitment. Neck kisses. Fun dates. Comfort snacks. Peanut butter. Watching horror movies with a significant other. Warm, fluffy towels. Buying pointless things. Late night tumblr sessions. Stuffed animals. Meaningful letters. Getting dressed up. Bubble baths. Forest. Rain and storms.

Gemini: Make out sessions. Instagram. Feeling wanted. Cute dates. Tall boys/short girls. Fluffy rugs. Romance movies. Collecting random things. Messy rooms. Wine. Conversations about sex. Being made feel special. Driving with the windows down.

Cancer: Small animals. Silk pajamas. Pretty things. Flowers. Cute lingerie. Vanilla milkshakes. Buying expensive makeup. Stuff that smells good. Fan-girling over celebs. Late night Netflix. Pizza. Roller skating.

Leo: Night drives. Fairy lights. Soft, worn in hoodies. Stars. Instagram. Fireworks. Soft cheeks kisses. Bear hugs. Stomach butterflies. Giving advice. Salted caramel. Champagne. Amusement parks.

Virgo: Face masks. Commitment. Dogs. Turning up music loud while driving. Disney movies. Feeling acknowledged. Sound of rain. Music. Shooting stars. Black and white photographs. Fashion.

Libra: Candles. Fireworks. Bonfires. Commitment. Romance novels. Big animals. Warm houses. Skinny jeans. Drinking with friends. Salt and vinegar chips. Sending ugly pictures to friends. Lip syncing beyonce or justin bieber. Smell of books. Dogs. The milky way.

Scorpio: Cold drinks. Full bank account. Adrenaline rushes. Deep, passionate kisses. Warm socks. Inside jokes. Staring. Hand written letters. Sarcasm. Movies (scorpios are movie freaks). Soapy showers.

Sagittarius: Horror movies with friends. Weed. Photography. Architecture. Gossip. Classy outings. Sarcasm. Face and body products. Reaching high levels on video games. Sassy remarks. Traveling. Cactuses. Piercings. Adventure. Croissants.

Capricorn: Expensive makeup. Feeling wanted. Photo booths. Clean houses. Clouds. Sarcasm. Dirty jokes. Sparklers. Green grass. Festivals. Drunk texting. Pretty underwear. Boybands. Late night tumblr sessions. Dark lipstick. Passionate kissing.

Aquarius: Aquariums ( :’) ). Beach bikes. Long strolls on beach. Sundresses. Innocent gossip. Booty. Late night texting. Blasting music in car. Exotic drinks. Trampolines. Rock jumps. Books. Christmas lights. Pretty views.

Pisces: Old movies. Heart shaped sunglasses. The universe. Knitted blankets. Shimmery eyeshadow. Learning. Smell of rain. Daydreaming. Chill songs. Sea shells. Drawing. Brand new pens.

The dark side of The Signs
  • Aries: Reckless to the point of disaster. By the time they figure out they've done or said too much, it's too late and the damage is already done.
  • Taurus: Unkind and unforgiving to those who once held their trust. They can be so blind to reason and to explanation. They will throw away people they love just to prove a point.
  • Gemini: You never know what you're going to get out of them. One day they'll be ready to help you and love you, they next they'll tell you never to speak to them again.
  • Cancer: They love blaming every problem they encounter on others. Because someone hated them so much, they had to have wished this on them. At least, that's what they're thinking.
  • Leo: They become extremely frustrated and hostile when they don't get what they want. They are convinced they deserve to have it, so if it means they need to break out the fangs, they will.
  • Virgo: They think they know better than you; and they'll tell you all about it. Did you really think you did something well? Virgo will explain just how to perfect it, and how they "could've done it better."
  • Libra: They aren't as harmless as they appear. The worst of them will try to eliminate whatever gets into their way. They don't care how "good" your intentions are- you're wasting their time, and they will most likely find a way to get you out of their way.
  • Scorpio: They don't forget. If you come back around years later trying to be close again, they will guilt trip you and then send you back. You don't want to fuck with these guys.
  • Sagittarius: They don't care about your feelings. If they have something to say, they're going to say it. And if you scream and cry, they're ultimately convinced it's not on them.
  • Capricorn: They will watch, and judge, every single thing you do. If they hate you a little extra, they'll fuck it up and get you in trouble for your accidents, too.
  • Aquarius: They will completely shut you out when they're bored of you. Don't expect an explanation (or any kind of friendly one,) or any sort of "mercy." They'll just sneer at you and walk away.
  • Pisces: They will lie right through their teeth to spare your feelings, and then go and do something they know would break your heart. Only for the pleasure of the moment.
The signs and anger
  • Aries, Leo, Pisces, Cancer, Aquarius: gets angry right away and regrets it later
  • Scorpio, Sagittarius, Virgo: either blows up right away or lets it sit until blowing up later
  • Libra, Taurus, Capricorn, Gemini: very forgiving, until you push them to their boiling point, then they'll hold a grudge or just stop talking to you all together
The Signs as Unexplained Feelings
  • Aries: Rubatosis- The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.
  • Taurus: Altschmerz- The weariness from the same old issue you've always had.
  • Gemini: Adronitis- The frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.
  • Cancer: Kuebiko- The state of exhaustion inspired by senseless acts of violence.
  • Leo: Kenopsia- An eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but now is abandoned and quiet.
  • Virgo: Ellipism- The sadness from never knowing your destiny.
  • Libra: Occhiolism- The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.
  • Scorpio: Exluanis- The tendency to give up talking about an experience because others are unable to relate to it.
  • Sagittarius: Onism- The frustration of being stuck in one body that inhabits only one place at a time.
  • Capricorn: Lacheism- The desire to be struck by disaster.
  • Aquarius: Nodus Tollens- The realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.
  • Pisces: Mauerbauertraurigkeit- The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends and family.
The signs and their inner fear

Aries: Being forgotten

Taurus: Ending up alone

Gemini: Suffering

Cancer: Betrayal

Leo: Never loving

Virgo: Losing everyone

Libra: Loss

Scorpio: Never finding happiness

Sagittarius: Death

Capricorn: Never being good enough

Aquarius: Never succeeding

Pisces: Failure

Thoughts Of The Signs
  • Aries: "I'm going to do this with or without you. I do not need you to show me how. I do not need you to watch me do it."
  • Taurus: "I can retract my kindness at any moment. I can make you sorry just as quickly as I can make you comfortable."
  • Gemini: "I just wish someone would believe me when I speak. Not everything I say is a joke. Not every game I play is in vain."
  • Cancer: "How about instead of complaining that I'm constantly moping, you give me a reason to stop moping?"
  • Leo: "There are times I feel like I should just stop speaking. I want to see who would honestly notice, or care."
  • Virgo: "I just wish someone would acknowledge my ideas. I want to feel important for more than two seconds. I want to be remembered."
  • Libra: "I want to show off those important to me. I want to tell everyone exactly what makes them special. I wish mere words could say it enough."
  • Scorpio: "People don't think I notice, but I do. I notice every slight change in behavior, right down to an odd blinking pattern."
  • Sagittarius: "You can either take me as I am or you can walk away. I'm not going to change my way of thinking to appease or align with your lifestyle."
  • Capricorn: "I will bulldoze anything that gets in my way. If it means I have to break a couple hearts on my way up, no problem. I'm not backing down."
  • Aquarius: "I don't have time to talk about it, I don't have energy to talk about it, and I don't have any seconds left to waste. Let's move on."
  • Pisces: "Just yesterday, it felt like everything was perfect. I know it's going to crumble to the ground. I know I destroy everything I touch. So I'm not expecting anything less."
The signs as Albus Dumbledore quotes

Aries: “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.”

Taurus: “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.“

Gemini: “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”

Cancer: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

Leo: “Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right, and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good and kind and brave because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort.”

Virgo: “It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.”

Libra: “Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love.”

Scorpio: “This pain is part of being human … the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.”

Sagittarius: “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

Capricorn: “It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated.“

Aquarius: “After all, to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

Pisces: “He [Voldemort] never paused to understand the incomparable power of a soul that is untarnished and whole.”