the shits with no giggles

anonymous asked:

more of fbi agent au pls <4

from this post

sometimes peter will send wade the photographs with sticky notes attached with all the important details written down, wade hates it because it feels like he’s just regurgitating what peter notices, even though if peter weren’t in the way he’d be completely capable of solving it on his own

just for shits and giggles, some of wade’s co workers have peter take an aptitude test, except wade’s boss gets ahold of it, and peter passed, with flying colors

wade just fucking throws a stapler across the room when peter walks into the office with his badge and a shit eating grin, peter dodges the stapler and anyone in the know just starts laughing bc this oughta be good

peter is good at his job, even if he is the world’s worst fbi agent, he insists on wearing aviator glasses that don’t fit his face and climbing up into windows instead of using doors like a normal person

wade is constantly apologizing for peter’s antics, sometimes peter shows up late because he’s trying to find an open window, so wade just starts doing his job in the meantime, and if anybody asks where his partner is, wade just responds with hopefully dead

wade finally starts to take peter seriously when wade gets his ass handed to him by peter, peter and wade had gotten into a fight about what they were supposed to do next, peter wanted to follow his gut feeling and wade wanted to do the sensible thing, so they both did their own thing and peter had been right

wade finally starts listening to peter as a begrudging equal and realizes that hot damn he’s actually really smart, peter winds up having really reliable gut feelings, wade learns to just go with it instead of asking questions, peter’s always nerding out about the latest crime scene tech and makes friends with the lab techs, so wade and peter’s cases always get pushed through first

wade accidentally finds out that peter, despite being a photographer, is camera shy and takes every opportunity to snap pictures of peter, which is how wade found himself drinking at three am while flipping through pictures of peter’s dumb face and crying because feelings

I’ve been rewatching Unsolved on Hulu for shits and giggles and it is SO weird to hear “the following is intended only for mature audiences, viewer discretion is advised”

as if this literal horror show isn’t already freely available to anyone smart enough to lie about their age on youtube

Four rich fathers go golfing.

One of them stays behind to pay the bill and the other three proceed to the first hole. While golfing, the three fathers start bragging about their sons.

The first father says, “I am very proud of my son Arthur; he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel and now he is at the top!  He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”

The second fathers says, “My son Ivan is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third father says, “Well, well, well - congratulations! My son, Ludwig, is also my pride and joy and is also very rich. He became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He built a mansion especially for his best friend.”

Then the fourth father catches up and they ask him how his son is doing.

The fourth father replies, "Oh, my son Alfred is gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shake their heads and say, “What a shame, you must be so unhappy! How tragic.”

The fourth father replies with a bright smile, “Oh no, I am not ashamed at all! Alfred is my son and I love him just as well; he’s my pride and joy. And he is much loved by his friends too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a Mercedes Benz, a brand new jet and a huge mansion from his three suitors?”

beyoncé honestly just likes to play dress-up she be posting all these my life updates but then she never goes anywhere, there are no candid paparazzi pictures and you know she don’t like people……..she really just clowning around having a runway show in her 100-room labyrinth ass house for shits and giggles

Try to unravel this mystery, January.

I did it for the pun

a challenger approaches