There’s a really, really deformed NPC Nosferatu in game by the name of Rupert (although the real name or gender is unknown, they just call him that), who is deformed so much, he has an octopus-alike visage, and literally is a tentacle monster. After watching closely the fashion nowadays, some vampires conclude (in no particular order):
Toreador: And the next thing you know, Rupert is the sexiest beast ever!
Ventrue: Was it you in that porn anime?
Toreador: Do you know Lovecraft made a cult of you?
Toreador: Are Japanese schoolgirls bothering you? Is that why you live in the sewers?
Nosferatu: I had fantasies about tentacles when I was younger.
Title: the blender fic
Prompt: Dan and Phil are doing the smoothie challenge and some kinky shit happens
Definitely more that 1000 words
Warnings:smut (duh), boyxboy , bondage, top!Phil, Dom!Phil, feclefilia (I’m not sure if that’s how its spelt), vomiting
This sucks ass tbh but I wrote it any way as a joke so if you get sick easily DO NOT READ
“Hey everybody and today I’m with the sexiest beast on the planet , DAN!” Phil yells into the camera . “hellooo bitches!” Dan says with a creepy eyebrow wiggle . For some reason , dan stared at phil for a little too long. He was beautiful. Ebony black hair, blue eyes like the ocean, and the cutest little emo haircut ever . “so today requested b y nobody at all , we will be doing the SMOOTHIE CHALLENGE!” Phil says as him and dan do jazz hands at the blender. “We went on twitter and asked you guys what ingredients we should use and your guys gave us some… Interesting answers. ” he paused, pointing at dan to continue the explanation. “Then I , dan Howell , printed our favs out. Not us , but Me cause phil won’t get off his lazy ass.” They burst out laughing . “I’m sorry but wasnt I the one who edited your video yesterday?” Phil says looking straight at dan. “So don’t fucking complain” dan was shocked at Phil’s use of language. He never swore. “Fine. But anyways the way this works is that we put a bunch of slips of paper with ingredients on them in a bowl. There is also another bowl with sizes of glasses in it. Basicly , we pick 7 ingredients and a cup size to make a smoothie to drink!” Dan explains, now out of breath. “I need to get something from the other room before we start okay?” Phil says rushing off to the other room. “Okay….” Dan replies . After phil was out of sight ,dan slipped in a couple of tweets that had some ingredients like marshmellows, bubble gum, ext. As he slips in the last piece of paper he turns around in relief, only to see phil standing there. “What the hell are you doing?” Phil says, pacing towards dan. “Uh… Noth-nothing” dan tells phil, worried as fuck. Phil bites his lip. “Bad dan… You need to be punished….” He gets closer, looking the younger boy up and down. “Phil….. ” dan says “shhhh you must not talk. Only good boys can talk.” Phil gets closer, dans feels his jeans get tighter and tighter around his crotch . “and you my bear are a dirty little slut.” Phil then pushes his lips onto dans, holding the boys hand a up as he does so. “Im gonna make you scream my name howell . punish you to show yah not to cheat eh?” Dan let out a whimper . “shut up.” Phil says as he slams his lips into Dan’s. He lifts the brown haired boy up and puts him on the counter . of course, Phil gets out some rope he had in the cabinet. “There we go…” Phil mumbles after tying the last knot. “Phil… Let me go!” Dan screams. “Shhhh or the neighbors will hear. you want to be a good boy, remember?” Dan struggles against his restraints , only to cause them to dig into his skin deeper. Phil paces around the kitchen for a moment , watching Dans every move. “Well…. how can i punish you? I cant do any serious "physical damage” cause the amount I would have to give you to teach you a lesson would send you to a&e (thats what they call the er in england right?) so psychological damage will do it. what can I do? “ he looks around the large room for a bit, but settles his eyes on the appliance on the counter. Not the microwave. Not the electric can opener. What he set his eyes on was the thing that caused all of this shit in the first place : the blender. "Oh look what we have here! a blender!” Dans face fills with fright, cause he knows how kinky Phil could get. For all Dan knows Phil could kill him out of sexual pleasure. “you know…. I REALLY wanted to make a smoothie… maybe you could… sample it?” Phil lets out a mischievous laugh. At this point dan was scared for his life… and worried about his lovers sanity. The ebony haired boy struts over to Dan, like some model for playboy, and tugs on the hem of the boys jeans. Phil slowly unbuttons them,taking his sweet ass time. After what seemed hours but in reality was a mere minute , the button was finally undone. Phil than tugs off the younger ones paints and with that, Dan is more vulnerable as ever. “ Aw bear it looks like you are already hard for me… how sweet” Phil says with an evil grin. He then rips the fabric covering Dans length in half, only leaving the remaining fabric hang from his thigh. After grabbing the measuring cup of of the counter, Phil starts pumping Dans cock. Dan bites his lip to muffle the sound of him moaning , but fails miserably . “You like that my little whore? ” Dan nods in response . “My little toy. My little slave” He continues to jerk the boy off, making sure to hold the measuring cup under the boys length. “Phil… im gonna…” with that Dan releases the white liquid. As expected it falls right into the measuring cup “good boy! Now that. We have your cum, all i need is for you to shit into the blender , for me to get that chicken liver that’s in the fridge, and to spice things up…. a chocolate bar… cherry flavored.” Dan was shocked. Did Phil really expect him to eat his own shit? “you want me to do what?” Dan asks, hoping that phil was joking. “ Yeah, i want you to shit in the blender. Go on. ” Phil then unties his boytoy so he can go and do what he has been told.
Dan walks over ever to the other counter ever so slowly. “Come on you lil bitch dont be shy” After he says that Phil shoves Dan over to the counter which causes Dan to get hit in the gut with cold marble. He climbs on top of the hard surface like a cat climbing up on furniture and positions himself over the blender. The brunette trys to get something to come out but nothing happens. Well in till about the 15th try where a long solidish stream of shit comes rushing out of his anus. “That’s my boy , good job” Phil coos . “don’t I need to wipe my ass…. I don’t think you want shit all over the kitchen…” Dan asks, staring into Phil’s crystal blue orbs. They were almost hypnotizing, you could get lost in them for seconds, hours, even days. “Well… I had something else planned. Lean over the counter!” Phil demands . “But shouldnt I wipe my-” “LEAN OVER THE COUNTER” with that Dan instantly turns towards the wall , and lays the top part of his body on the counter. He hears shuffling and then he feels somebody licking his bottom. Wait… Was Phil… “Mmmm I bet you love this the little slut you are.” He continues licking “you know we should do this more often, maybe weekly. ” A warm sensation is sent down Dans body , causing him to let out a moan. “Fuc-fuck Phil” he pants out , gripping on to the counter. Sadly this didn’t last for long, because as everyone knows Phil has a strong tounge. Phil pulls away and sighs. “Mmm that was fun, wasn’t it” he walks towards the refrigerator to get out the rest of the ingredients. “Yeah it was …” Dan blushes.Setting down the ingredients on the counter next to Dan , he leans in and strattles Dan . The kiss is passionate and full of list , love, and desire. “You like tasting your own shit, my little whore?” Phil asks , it being muffled by the kiss. “Mhm. I love it.” Dan rips of Phil’s shirt and eventually slides off Phil’s pants as well , leaving Him only on his boxers. “Since you did so much for Me, I wanna do something for you ” he gently lifts Phil off of him and pats on the counter for his boyfriend to sit. “Alright” Phil says with a wink. Dan stands up and gets on his knees in front of phil . After he pulls Phil’s boxers down, Dan grasps his hard cock. He gently sucks on the head , inserting his tounge in Phil’s slit occasionally. “OH COME ON STOP BEING SUCH A TEASE!” Phil yells. “Okay” and with that , Dan pushed his whole head down on the 7 incher.He bobs his head up and down like a pogo stick, managing to still fondal Phil’s balls. “Oh my god” Phil leans his head back in pleasure, now seeing stars. But being the ass Dan is , he stops. “All done” He says looking up at Phil , flickering his eyes. “You will pay for that…” Phil tells Dan , every so sly. He grabbs the ingredients and takes them over to the blender. First he adds the chocolate, not even bothering to take it out of the plastic. Then he adds the last ingredient: the liver. “Oh. Look at the expiration date… It says 9/2/13… I guess you will be getting sick… Oh well. ” after ripping open the packaging, Phil dumps the liver into the blender. After that he walks over to the spice cabinet and opens it. Browsing his endless selection, he picks out 3 of the most pogent ingredients . A dried Carolina ripper , a large jar of nutmeg, and a bottle of the same size of cinnamon. He sashes over to the counter and sets the spices down. He takes the pepper out of the bag by the stem, holding it up in the air “Dan, did you know that this little pepper is the hottest pepper known to man? I heard a man died trying to eat 10 of them. t that such a COOL fact” Dan looks astonished. Did Phil want to kill him? “Well whatever I’m going to add it anyway.” Phil then drops it in the blender with everything else. Next he holds up the jars of cinnamon and nutmeg. “Look at what we have here! Our friends nutmeg and cinnamon. I also heard you could die by eating too much of these as well.” He sets them both down on the counter and screws the top off of bot h of them. After picking up them both again, he pours all of them into the blender. “Yay! Now we are done with this whole ingredients thing. Now all I need to do is turn it on” Phil then pushes the blue button. When all of the ingredients we’re ebeing mixed together , Dan thought it looked like a van gouh painting. You know with all of the splashes of color . after about of a minute of blending Phil decides to turn it off. “I think by now its somewhat drinkable.” He grabs the tallest glass and sets it next to the blender. He then takes off the top of the blender and pours Dan a nice, big glass for him to chug down. Phil now hands the glass to his test subject”Here you go. Now drink” he says in a stern tone. “But I’m not really feeling that well and-” Phil plugs Dan’s nose and force feeds him it . To Dan this was udder torture but to Phil it was the hottest thing in the world. He took the glass away for a moment so Dan could breathe. “This tastes like shit.” “Well of course it does that’s the main ingredient.” “My mouths on fire” “that’s because of the cinnamon and the pepper.” “Oh right” Phil plugs Dan’s nose again and force feeds it to him again. Dan then starts feeling nauseous, light headed , and aroused at the same time. Something he never thought would be possible. “Phil I’m going to puke!” He yells. But his words are muffled by the disgusting concoction. Finally , after what seemed hours , the last bit of drink is swallowed. Then Dan does what any normal person would have done. Vomit. “You better clean that up.” Phil says , disgusted, which is funny considering what he just did. “Okay I’ll get the paper towel” “no… Lick it up.” Phil says, staring into Dan’s eyes.”wh-what” Dan was astonished. Did Phil want him to do that after drinking his own crap. “You heard me. Go along now.” Dan sits on the floor moving his face towards the mess. He then lightly places his tongue on the spot where he puked. He licks it up slowly at first but as time went on he relized that he will get this done in over with sooner if he licked up the vomit faster. So after a fewmore minutes, he was done. Now standing up he gives Phil this look of “what the fuck” . “why are you so surprised. The most innocent people are always the kinkyest.” Phil gives Dan the most innocent smile in the world and cocks his head to the side. “Hey Phil” “what love” “I think we just filmed a sex tape.” “Well… We can edit that out later.” And with that they cleaned out the blender , got dressed, and filmed the rest of the video.
This is my baby, Natsu Dragneel and he is and forever will be the sexiest beast around. This is an original fan art but sadly Natsu does not belong to me (he belongs to Lucy ;) and ultimately Hiro Mashima)
i recently got into the fandom and i kinda think i like kai. can you tell me more about him?
first, dear. welcome to the fandom. and i think you’re doomed now :3 because from now on.. there won’t be any way out of it, hehe. and if you like jonginnie.. well, oh my.. you’re lost :D
kai’s real name is jongin, and most of the fans really like to call him jongin. he also has some really cute nicknames - just like nini, teddybear or tease. because if jonginnie is the cutest thing you have ever laid your eyes on.. kai is the sexiest beast you’ve ever seen. and that transformation sometimes can be really scary, it’s only a matter of seconds. so…
yeah… sometimes jongin-stans can’t do anything but to be helpless and just to.. spazz the whole time, haha.
jongin is the biggest dork you’ve ever seen, but he is so loveable that you just want to pinch his cheeks most of the time. you want to take care of him, because he is always tired,
sometimes a little bit clumsy and still a little baby ;
jongin loves his three dogs so much he calls them his babies. and he also is an absolute fool for his niece, rahee. he once said in a interview that he goes home almost every day, even if it is for only one hour, because he loves to play with her.
he is a really private person and doesn’t even has SNS. he had instagram for five days… and then deleted his account, because he just made it because his manager asked him to.
he really loves his fans, a lot. and even though he doesn’t like romantic/ melodramatic dramas/ movies he, himself, can get really cheesy when it comes to expressing his feelings for EXO-L’s. besides that… even though he seems to be a little baby most of the time… his words and thoughts can get really wise and deep. he is the quiet type of guy, that doesn’t need to talk all the time (and that really loves to sleep, even if it is for a whole day…), so instead he thinks about things a lot. his recent interview for nylon is just one of the beautiful words said by kim jongin.
jonginnie gets shy and flustered very easily AND THAT LITTLE BABY GETS STARTLED BY LOUD NOISES - ALL THE TIME ;
if he is your favourite.. you just can’t help but to fall for him more and more each day :3
and now.. let’s talk about kai for a little while.. or well.. let the gifs speak ;
OH OH OH and wait he has really, really nice butt :3
jonginnie also is a really, really good dancer. you will see it when you watch some performances. even when he is standing in the back - he still somehow manages to catch your attention. he isn’t only dancing with his body, his eyes, his whole expression is a part of his choreography.
there is TAEKAI, taeming is his best friend ;
and then there is KAISOO, kyungsoo is his favourite hyung ;
he likes to hit people when he is laughing too hard ;