the seguins

NHLers and the Olympics (hypothetical)

1/?

Alex Ovechkin goes to the Olympics. No one questions his many carry on bags, or why one looks suspiciously like Nicklas Backstrom.

The NHL is curious as to why Henrik Lundqvist has been playing so poorly for the Rangers during the time of the Olympics. Joel Lunqvist must be feeling off too..he called in sick to work all month. 

Carey Price builds a small wall in his net, then leaves and goes to the Olympics. No one notices the difference. 

Sidney Crosby wants to go to the Olympics but he does not want to let down the Penguins or break the rules. Fleury and Letang put melatonin in  Crosbys PB&J. He wakes up on the Plane next to to Jamie Benn. 

A displeased Jamie Benn is duck taped to a giggly Tyler Seguin. 

Brent Burns smuggles  Joe Pavelski to the Olympics in his beard. 

Shea Weber fires a fake slap shot. It fake hits Markov, Plekanec and Pacioretty. They are all out for the month  with fake and vague injuries. They get fake beards and go to the Olympics under fake names. 

Erik Karlsson is very handsome. He tells the league he is going to the Olympics, they are distracted by all the handsome and tell him its fine.

No one wants to have to tell Tuukka Rask he cant go to the Olympics, so no one does.

Next time there’s a lockout because Bettman et al. have decided to throw another tantrum, I hope the NHLPA just sort of goes “well alrighty” and sets out to prove that the NHL needs the players more than the players need the NHL

What I mean is that they hire a few camera people and do things like:

  • Trying to play Sports That Are Not Hockey on ice. Personally I think Auston Matthews would be very entertaining at ice baseball
  • Buying a literal punch bowl and calling it the “Steve Cup” or something
  • Short reality-TV episodes following the lives of Tyler Seguin’s dogs
  • Roller hockey
  • Underwater hockey
  • Players launching a public health campaign about the importance of dental care
  • A Hockey with the Stars type show where they try to make hockey teams with celebrities who do not know how to skate
  • Going to the Olympics
  • Lots of PK Subban style charity stuff. In fact, just lots of PK Subban. He doesn’t need hockey to have fans
  • Helping out with other union disputes. Just. News articles about fast-food worker strikes in Pittsburgh and there’s Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury holding up signs
  • Zdeno Chara could get a job retrieving things off high shelves or something
  • Disney on Ice