the secret of bigfoot

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I don’t mind most conspiracy theories, you know. 

Kubrick faked the moon landings. Roswell happened. Bigfoot is real. Obama’s a secret Kenyan. Bush did 9/11. Nonsense. It’s silly.

(Admittedly, I do have legitimate questions about JFK. But that’s besides the point.)

But shit like this is absolutely nauseating. Too cruel for words.

Legend says if you go into the woods at exactly 4:20 am a rabbit will come out and sniff you once. If you put your palm out he will lick it and prompt you to follow him. If you do follow him, you will come to a well that is as deep as the center of the earth. It will not hurt nor help you to toss a penny down the well, but you must make a wish. If your wish is self serving the rabbit will come to you and lead you to a cabin where there is a single bed. You will fall asleep and then wake up at home with the experience feeling as though it was nothing but a dream. However, if your wish is for someone else, or something bigger than yourself, the rabbit will not reappear but instead Bigfoot will emerge from the trees with a huge ass blunt. She will light it and pass it to you. If you smoke up with Bigfoot you will learn all the secrets of the universe. No one knows what happens if you are straight edge.

the signs as episodes of ancient aliens
  • Aries: fluoride in tap water because of space-angels???
  • Taurus: lights in the sky: stars OR SOMETHING MORE?
  • Gemini: cosmic rays + cave paintings = aliens probably
  • Cancer: how could ancient people have a basic understanding of astronomy or engineering??
  • Leo: atlantis was a secret nazi base for contacting otherWORLDy beings
  • Virgo: BIGFOOT
  • Libra: why won't the gOVERNMENT tell us about aliens? what are they trying to hide?
  • Scorpio: mummies don't look a whole lot like humans. ya know what they do look like? aliens.
  • Sagittarius: jesus was an alien
  • Capricorn: ancient myth? MORE LIKE TRU STORY ABOUT ALIENS
  • Aquarius: ancient astronaut theorist circle jerking with no outside commentators to harsh the vibe. so. every episode.
  • Pisces: human build pyramid???? haha not likely.
Cryptofiction

The study of hidden…books…err…well let us have a few books for Cryptozoology:

1. Cryptid Hunters by Roland Smith, 2006

After their parents are lost in an accident, thirteen-year old twins Grace and Marty are whisked away to live with their Uncle Wolfe-an uncle that they didn’t even know they had! The intimidating Uncle Wolfe is an anthropologist who has dedicated his life to finding cryptids, mysterious creatures believed to be long extinct.

2. The Loch by Steve Alten, 2006

Loch Ness holds secrets, ancient and deadly. Does a monster inhabit its depths, or is it just myth? Why, after thousands of reported sightings and dozens of expeditions, is there still no hard evidence? Marine biologist Zachery Wallace knows, but the shock of his near-drowning as a child on Loch Ness have buried all memories of the incident. Now, a near-death experience suffered while on expedition in the Sargasso Sea has caused these long-forgotten memories to re-surface. Haunted by vivid night terrors, stricken by a sudden fear of the water, Zach finds he can no longer function as a scientist. Unable to cope, his career all but over, he stumbles down a path of self-destruction…until he receives contact from his estranged father…a man he has not seen since his parents’ divorced and he left Scotland as a boy. Angus Wallace, a wily Highlander who never worked an honest day in his life, is on trial for murdering his business partner. Only Zachary can prove his innocence - if he is innocent, but to do so means confronting the nightmare that nearly killed him seventeen years earlier. Incorporating the latest research and “new evidence,” that leads to real answers concerning the monster’s identity, best-selling author Steve Alten weaves a tale of horror about the most publicized and controversial creature ever to exist.

3. Progeny by Patrick C. Greene, 2012

Owen Sterling is a reclusive author living in a secluded house deep in the woods. When he welcomes his son Chuck for a summer visit, the eleven-year-old suspects something is not right at his father’s home. His worries mount when he witnesses a confrontation between his father and some local hunters. Zane Carver is the local gun-shop owner who confronts the author over Owen’s refusal to let anyone on his land for hunting or camping. He defies the recluse, taking a hunting party onto Owen’s property. Soon, Zane and his buddies discover the writer’s secret … a deadly secret; a creature whose infinite rage they have unwittingly ignited … that is now hunting them.

4. Loch by Paul Zindel, 1994

Loch and his sister are with their father on a scientific expedition to track lake monsters. Their father’s boss, Anthony Cavenger, a ruthless publishing mogul, is determined to prove that the legends are fact. Until now, it has been a fruitless exercise. But suddenly, on a routine exploration, a hideous water beast explodes out of the water, and a photographer, hoping to get the picture of a lifetime, loses his life instead. The plesiosaurs terrorize the secluded lake community, but Loch encounters a baby plesiosaur and realizes that the monsters only attack when threatened. So he risks his life-and the lives of his family and friends-to save the prehistoric creatures from destruction.

5. The Monstrumologist Series by Rick Yancy, 2009-2013

  • The Munstumologist
  • The Curse of the Wendigo
  • Isle of Blood
  • The Final Decent

6. The Pines by Robert Dunbar, 2009

Legends linger in the dark places of this world, legends as old as fear itself. Deep within the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, a series of macabre murders draws ever nearer to the isolated farmhouse where a lonely woman struggles to raise her strange, disturbed son. Does some ancient evil prowl the woods? The boy seems to be in league with a presence that makes itself felt in every rustle of wind, in every gleam of moonlight. As a wave of terrifying violence threatens to engulf them, the young mother must join with a group of demon hunters – outcasts all – in a battle for her own survival … and for the life and soul of her son.

7. Where Legends Roam by Lee Murphy, 2000

This is the First in a Series of Adventure Novels that Chronicles the Exploits of George Kodiak – Cryptozoologist – as He Searches the Dark and Deadly Places of the Earth for Creatures of Myth and Legend – Animal Anomalies that are not Supposed to Exist … But Do

8. Cryptid: The Lost Legacy of Lewis & Clark by Eric Penz, 2005

The line between history and legend can be deceptively thin. Too thin perhaps to maintain the claim that one is exclusively fact and one fiction. Such may be the case with the history of Lewis and Clark. For the fact is that two hundred years after they were handpicked by Thomas Jefferson to lead an extraordinary expedition to the Pacific Coast legends still persist regarding unexplained gaps in the explorers’ field journals.Call it legend, call it history, “Cryptid” tells the riveting story of conspiracy theorists who have new evidence of a centuries-old cover-up. When a cryptozoologist, a paleontologist, and a Jefferson descendant begin connecting the dots, they threaten to do more than unveil the well-guarded scientific discovery that lies at the heart of the ancient secret; they threaten to rewrite American history. That is if they can survive a conspiracy that dates back to the Founding Fathers-the very same that haunted Lewis to his grave. It may be that one of our nation’s first secrets is still being kept.

9. Bigfoot Campfire Stories, compiled by Rusty Wilson, 2010

And now, a great Bigfoot book for both the Bigfoot believer and those who just enjoy a good story!

when i die
  • God: before judgement begins, is there anything you wish to know?
  • me: *thinks about 9/11 conspiracy, the rise of Hitler, the mystery of the Pharaohs, the legend of the Bermuda triangle, secrets the government as kept, stonehenge, the lochness monster and Bigfoot, the Great Flood, the myth of Atlantis, the mystery of dragons, existence of mermaids, how quicksand works, the origin of Bloody Mary, the legend of oak island, the Devil's Sea, Area 51, the Superstition Mountains, possible Russian plans for nuclear war, and every other mystery of the world*
  • me: yes did jay-z really cheat on bey?
bill knows lots of things

jfk, probably his assassination

ufos/aliens

the mayan calendar

idk what this is, looks to be a reference to a painting maybe?

stan going into his secret basement

bigfoot in the opening

his wheel, specifically gideon, dipper and grunkle stan’s symbols

i dont know

nathaniel northwest

a penny? maybe having to do with lincoln/his assassination?

another one i don’t recognize…

gideon’s robot, dead

a prison?

if anyone knows the missing ones please feel free to add

unlike-any-other  asked:

Good day Zekepapa :3 I'll be forming a secret organization which will perform rituals to summon Bigfoot ^^ We're planning on squishing Pres. Trump soon and we'll make Trump soup with Donald duck's feathers as toppings :D But srsly papa,I'm worried :(

Good day seedling, I would like to request to join this secret organisation and I strongly urge your fellow seedlings and @hajime-isayama-official to do the same.
You shouldn’t worry too much cause your mama and papa are looking out for you and trust me if anything happens to my seedlings I will tear whoever hurt them apart:)

We’re talking about the crazy super secret hidden within the already-secret secrets. When players accessed the code for the game, they discovered coordinates for a few plants that nobody had ever found, accompanied by a cryptic clue within the code itself. You actually had to crack into the game – which is going way beyond “Easter Egg” – and even then, you didn’t get the answer. You merely got a hint.

It took a long time, but eventually players figured out the conditions required for the mystery golden peyote to appear. You must complete the whole game at least once, you have to have collected all the regular peyote already, and you have to have completed the mission “The Last One,” in which you hunt down a guy in a Bigfoot costume. Oh, and also, the plants only appear on a certain day of the week, at a certain time, and only if the weather is set to snow or fog, which is itself next to impossible without a cheat code.

If you possess the patience and lack the job to meet those criteria, the game lets you play as Bigfoot.

And it’s still not over! If you collect all the golden peyote, you access a secret mission in which you, as Bigfoot, have to hunt down and kill Michael J. Fox’s character from Teen Wolf.

Doing so unlocks Teen Wolf as a playable character. Only he is now possibly an undead Teen Wolf? We’re not super solid on the taxonomy of teen wolves.

5 Video Game Easter Eggs That Were Absurdly Hard To Find