the secret life of a nincompoop

  • Friend: I hope you're happy.
  • Me: I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this, I hope it brings you bliss, I really hope you get it and you don't live to regret it. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN THE ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, MY FRIEND! SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND ME, LOOK INTO THE WESTERN SKY AS SOMEONE TOLD ME LATELY, EVERYONE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FLY AND IF I'M FLYING SOLO AT LEAST I'M FLYING FREE TO THOSE WHO'D GROUND ME TAKE A MESSAGE BACK FROM ME TELL THEM HOW I AM DEFYING GRAVITY, I'M FLYING HIGH, DEFYING GRAVITY, AND SOON I'LL MATCH THEM IN RENOWN, AND NOBODY IN ALL OF OZ, NO WIZARD THAT THERE IS OR WAS, IS EVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN! BRING ME DOWN! AW WAH WAH WAH WAH-AAAAAAAAH!
  • Friend:
  • Me: What.
Attention World, there has been a rule change.

From the treaty of the treason:

In penance for you giving us low points in eurovision, each country shall offer up male and female athletes between the ages of 18 and 35 at a public "Reaping.“

These athletes shall be delivered to the custody of London.

And then transferred to a public arena where they will Fight to the Death until a lone winner remains.

Henceforth and forevermore this pageant shall be known as The Olympics.